The BombarDEAD Halloween Special
[Spooky noises, including howls, cackling and]
Goodrich: This is Halloween, This is Halloween
Goodrich and Ali: Halloween Halloween
Kyle [At the same time]: Copyright, copyright, stop!
Goodrich: Copyright, copyright, everybody scream!
[Ali continues making spooky noises]
Kyle: This is… the bomBARDed Halloween special.
[Spooky stylized version of theme plays]
Kyle: So yes, before we get into this proper - of course, this being a one off - not our normal episode. We wanted to treat you to some Halloween delights.
Goodrich: Ooh
Kyle: That applies for the, uh, the rules of the one off being that, uh, you know, Randy can read.
Spurrier: Hooray!
Goodrich: Yes.
Kyle: And Raz’ul can transform into what he likes, and Yashee - you’re not afraid of small spaces.
Ali: Woohoo!
Spurrier: Hooray!
Goodrich: [Laughs]
Ali: This is such a good bonus. [Laughs] I’ll just be whatever I want.
Goodrich: I can play a druid like, normally.
Kyle: Yeah, you can play a druid, you can’t turn into *whatever* you want.
Goodrich: Yes. Can you like, really go into how awesome the weather is? Because, like, in real life, at time of recording, it’s like, 95 outside.
Kyle: Not yet! Give me a moment
Goodrich [at the same time]: Ohhh but Kyle it’s so hot!
Kyle: Okay, yeah, it is still hot out in Texas.
Ali: We’re almost in October.
Goodrich: That’s true, yeah.
Ali: Inching towards it.
Kyle: We’re gettin’ there, but enough of that. So! You three bards - you’re out on the road to spread the name of Chaos Sauce and the music that you weave even further north than ever before. Why north? Well, isn’t it obvious?
Goodrich [startled]: Uh! [Ali laughs]
Kyle: There’s a small town you know of that would be more than glad to give you some comfortable lodgings, and help you escape the brisk evening winds of autumn [Goodrich sighs] that have been growing colder and colder over the last several weeks -
Goodrich: That sounds so amazing.
Ali: Mmmm. [Spurrier sighs]
Kyle: - a town where nothing ever, EVER, goes wrong. [Goodrich laughs] You know it, I know it, and listeners I believe you are familiar as well with a tiny town known as Beln.
Goodrich: BE-BE-BE-BELN! [everyone laughs]
Kyle: You are walking down the trail and the smell of caramelizing sugar, spiced apples, and pumpkins drift into your nostrils before you can even set sight on the town. The amalgam of smells grasps you in the most welcoming of ways, and you will become lost in it. The anticipation of the delights you sense to be ahead of you flood your mind’s eye with daydreams of devouring such delicacies; but, I have to ask - how lost are you in this daydream? Let’s start off with a wisdom saving throw.
[Many dice roll]
Spurrier: 19 plus zero.
Goodrich: I got a 14 plus 3!
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: I got a 10 plus 0, but honestly, I *know* Yashee’s very lost so I’m going to say a one. [the guys laugh] Nah, we- we’ll go 10, just in case something bad happens.
Kyle: Okay, alright, so that being said, I need everyone to give me a perception check, Ali, you can do so at disadvantage, please.
Ali: Cool.
[Many dice roll]
Goodrich: I rolled another 14, it’s already gettin’ spoooooky!
Spurrier: Ohhh!
Goodrich: It’s a 14 plus 5.
Spurrier: 8 plus 3.
Ali: 10. [everyone laughs]
Kyle: Okay, Yashee despite being just lost in imagining all these foods you’re gonna eat, and of course, Randall and Razzy -
[Everyone laughs voraciously]
Spurrier: Those can be our Belm- Beln names.
Goodrich: Yeah. Y’know, we probably should be going by aliases, like Mrs. White, Professor Plum, and all that. [Spurrier laughs] Just in case! A little murder mystery.
Kyle: But, Randy and Raz’ul [everyone laughs] Uhh, you’re drawn out of this, kind of aromatic trance a little bit easier than Yashee is, but you all notice, you hear somebody scream out from far off, you hear (in an affected voice) “What d’ya mean I hafta close?!” [Goodrich gasps shortly] You turn and you can see off in the distance two people are talking at this - in front of this large dilapidated mansion that, you probably think nobody should be living in. [the group chuckles] You see a green skinned woman with an arching nose wearing a black dress and a tall pointed hat throwing her arms in the air as she speaks, and then storms off inside, closing the door behind her. The person she was talking to standing at the door deflates as her shoulders sink low with an exasperated sigh. They turn and - you recognize this person. It’s the event coordinator for Beln.
Goodrich: Ooh.
Kyle: She looks up to see you three, and immediately regains her composure, waves, and runs over. With a slight huff, she asks (speaking as event organizer) “*Huff* What *huff* what has brought Chaos Sauce to our corner of Beetzart? Uh, of course we’re happy to have you any time you return, you know, but surely you didn’t come all this way four the Youngkin Festival, did you?”
Goodrich: The whaaa [Ali and Spurrier join in]aaaat? [they all laugh]
Kyle (as event organizer): Of course not, I didn’t think so. You must be here because Mr. Cromancy is in town and you wanted to try to perform for him. Hm, trying to score a patron out of one of the kindest nobles in the land, huh?
Ali (As Yashee): Sure!
Spurrier (as Randy): You know us! [Ali laughs] Trying to screw the rich for a little more cash.
Goodrich: Yep.
Kyle: Well - [Kyle pauses, everyone laughs] Okay Randy, um, he’s a really nice man, so -
Spurrier: Oh, well right, that’s what I meant, trying to massage his… coins [Goodrich chuckles] into ours.
Ali (as Yashee): Polish ‘em up, and stuff!
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah! [then quietly]...into our pockets.
Kyle (as event organizer): Well, perfect, I mean you know of course, Mr. Cromancy came into town a little while ago, He's been actually been really nice helping set up for the Youngkin Festival it’s - it's kind of odd really but he's taking a shine to the town so I could potentially introduce you to if you’d prefer.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, but if I can ask… a Youngkin?
Kyle (as event organizer): Ohh, yes! The Youngkin Festival! Uh It's kind of just this thing that we do, we don't advertise it much. It's basically like an early fall festival that we do where farmers are tasked with creating the smallest, cutest, tiniest pumpkin and uh- the tinier and cuter the better!
Ali (as Yashee): Aww!
Spurrier and Goodrich (as Randy and Raz’ul): Ohhh, the Youngkin.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, well.
Kyle (as event organizer): Yeah!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Sorry, what was your name? I don’t know if we were ever formally introduced.
Kyle (as event organizer): You haven’t, it’s Aura.
Ali (as Yashee): Aura?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Aura.
Kyle (as Aura): Yeah, or Mrs. Gannheizer to the kids. Either way.
Ali (as Yashee): Aura Gannheizer, okay, nice.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, fine. [chuckles] Well, uh, who was that you were talking to, if you don't mind me asking?
Kyle (as Aura): That was, uh, well technically that was Deboza Hexa. She runs a yearly haunted house for the kids around this time of year.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Is it that house?
Kyle (as Aura): Yes, it’s that house. Um -
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, well, it’s awesome! I would kinda like to go inside, maybe?
Kyle (as Aura): Well, people going inside was kind of the reason I was there in the first place, but I need to get back to town so let me fill you in on the way back in.
Goodrich: Okay so real quick, above table, Raz’ul LOVES haunted houses, I think. Just [Ali chuckles] Okay well so here's the thing, I'm not sure if it's because Mount Tain had like the raddest haunted house -
Kyle: Oh wait I have your back story here [Goodrich begins to groan] Oh yeah, it’s right here!
[Ali laughs as Goodrich tries to continue] Yeah that’s right!
Spurrier: Spookiest dwarves.
Goodrich: I can't decide if it's because of that or it’s just because of concept but you know what, it's because Mount Tain had the *best* haunted houses around, being in caves and whatnot, so… Raz’ul really wants to get in that haunted house. Buuuut, uhh -
Spurrier: Well, I mean, Randy really does too, but I say to you, I was like (as Randy) Well let's I mean I think the haunted house is still gonna be here. Maybe we should go see about the money, and the dude, and she's going into town anyway -
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): The money and the dude… [Ali laughs] Ohh, I just crit failed on my “wanted to go in the haunted house”, so [Kyle laughs]
Spurrier: And we move forward.
Goodrich: And on we go. Cool.
Kyle: Okay. So, She begins walking, setting a brisk pace. She starts talking and she says (as Aura) Yeah, so regarding Deboza Hexa…Most of the parents are kind of upset with her right now. You see, kids become a certain age and they finally get to go to Deboza Hexa’s haunted house. However, this year there was an incident where there was a group of kids that went in recently, and a few of them came out about a… couple decades older than they had originally gone in.
[group reacts in bafflement]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That would be a little off-putting, yeah.
Spurrier (as Randy): Physically and mentally? Or just physically?
Kyle (as Aura): Just physically. Uhh -
Spurrier (as Randy): Weird, okay.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I mean, if it went the other way, she’d have quite the business goin’ on there, but uhh...
Kyle (as Aura): Well, I, she says that it’s not her -
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh.
Kyle (as Aura): She doesn’t know what’s going on, and has been trying to find out but, hmm, unfortunately no ends to that yet.
Ali (as Yashee): Hmm.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Gotcha.
Kyle (as Aura): But you shouldn't worry yourself with that, don't trouble your minds, um, Elmira and her aunt, Deboza, are smart so they, they’ll, I’m sure they’ll figure it out just in time for the kids to be able to enjoy it. They've got plenty of other things to enjoy at the Youngkin Festival, which, speaking of - (as Kyle) and she starts going off on tangents about the Youngkin Festival and how quaint, and cute, and fun it is, uh -
Goodrich [chuckling]: So cute!
Kyle: - despite it being the smallest festival that they hold. But she goes on and on about that, and eventually you finally arrived at Beln. And of course, you can see the decorations are set up here and there, you see there is a small place where there’s some games setup, and there’s an area with a couple of large barrels, and you can see a group of people, you know, mingling around them. You get closer and you hear somebody shout (in a voice) Go! (as Kyle) and you see water erupt from a barrel as somebody plunges their head in with their hands behind their back. And, at this moment, I’m going to give Raz’ul and Randy a chance to notice something since your initial classes are some kind of casters, so give me a perception check.
[Dice roll.]
Goodrich: A 15 plus 5 for an unnatural twunt! (To Spurrier) Do you have, like, something spooky, or?
Spurrier: Uhh, how about this?
Goodrich: Okay.
Spurrier: [plays a creepy celebration chord] That’s kinda fun.
Ali: There ya go.
Spurrier: And I got an 18 plus 3.
Kyle: Okay so you both know that it looks like whatever this person is doing with their hands behind their back, it looks very similar to the gestures that one would make while casting a spell
Goodrich: Oh, okay.
Kyle: Randy, I’ll go ahead and tell you, you automatically know what spell this is. This person's casting Mage Hand.
Spurrier: So like, the bobbing in the barrels and such?
Kyle: Yes.
Spurrier: Okay.
Kyle: So there are apples that are floating in these barrels. It's almost an instant where this person- they went in, and moments later they come back out and there's an apple in their mouth and, uh, they got a big grin. And you get a glimpse of this man, who is obviously a noble based on the gaudy clothing which are dry moments after having been soaked. He pulls the apple out of his mouth, having taken a big bite, and cheers with a mouthful of apple, and his cuffs on his sleeves are just flapping loosely in the air. You hear someone shout nearby, (in a voice) That has to be a world record! (as Kyle) This man has striking blue eyes and wavy golden locks of hair that have seemed to also dry rather quickly; his face beams with excitement as the townsfolk join him in cheering. And Aura looks at you three, and she says, (as Aura) That's Mr. Cromancy right there, uh, so from helping with setup to the small games he has been nothing but charming. And knowing you three, you should have a pretty easy time chatting with him so let's see if we can break him away from the crowd real quick. (as Kyle) and, uh, she goes up and he’s just eating an apple and kind of hobnobbing with the people of the town, and she says, Oh, Mr. Cromancy, I have some people who would like to speak with you for a moment. (as Kyle) he says (as Mr. Cromancy) Ah! You know you can call me Ned, Aura, it’s fine. What'swho- who- who do we have here, eh? Hi there, Ned, it’s nice to meet ya. Hi, I’m Ned, nice to meet ya! How's it going, I'm Ned, nice to meet you! [Everyone chuckles]
Spurrier (as Randy): Good to meet you, Ned. Did you enjoy your, uh, split record, world setting apple found you just had there?
Kyle (As Ned): You know it! I got to get those apples real quick.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, you know it real quick.
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, you know you're so talented- I wish I could eat that fast. I mean, I'm pretty good at it, but I don't know
Kyle (as Ned): Well-
Ali (as Yashee): maybe I should try to beat his record…
Kyle (as Ned): If you want to go for it, there’s a barrel right here! (as Kyle) as he takes another big bite of an apple.
Ali (as Yashee): Hmmm.
Goodrich: Can I roll to see if it’s really Splash in disguise? (Ali laughs)
Kyle (chuckling): Sure, give me a perception check.
Goodrich: Ugh, oh, well it’s, I was going to do insight, so I could figure out if that’s who it is?
Kyle: Sure, insight.
Goodrich: Okay, it’s a 19 plus 9!
Kyle: You can tell it’s *definitely* not Splash.
Ali: Oh, alright.
Goodrich: Can I use an insight to remember where Splash is?
Kyle: No. [Ali and Spurrier laugh]
Goodrich: Last time we saw him? [laughs] Okay.
Kyle: Okay, he says (as Ned) Well, if you’re going to go for it. What was your name?
Ali (as Yashee): I’m Yashee!
Kyle (as Ned): Yashee, nice to meet ya.
Ali (as Yashee): It’s too bad that it’s apples, but, ya know, whatever.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Instead of what, meat? [laughs]
Ali (as Yashee): Any- just, anything else.
Kyle (as Ned): Okay? [everyone laughs] To each their own. (as Kyle) Okay yeah, if you wanna try to bob for an apple just give me a straight Dexterity roll.
Ali: C’mon, what do I have to beat? [the guys chuckle]
Kyle: Roll it and I’ll let you know how long it takes you.
Ali: H’oh, boy, that is a natural twenty!
[Spurrier plays a creepy nat 20 celebration, Goodrich fakes scared]
Ali: [singing along] Plus two!
Kyle: Okay, so with your mouth agape, you dive headfirst into this barrel, and it does not take you that long either. You pull back up with an apple in your mouth just about as quick as Ned did it-
Ali: I have three apples in my mouth (as Yashee, mouth full) Hey, lookwhudIdid!
Goodrich: Did you, like, spear them with your tusks? Like-
Kyle: Yes.
Goodrich: Oooh!
Ali: Sweet!
Kyle: Yes, you manage that- and you come back and you have one in your mouth and one on each tusk. Ned kinda looks astonished, and he’s like (as Ned) That's rather impressive!
Goodrich: Raz’ul goes (as Raz’ul) A new Beln record!
Spurrier: Yay!
Ali: I hand Randy and Raz’ul each an apple (as Yashee) Here you go guys!
Spurrier (as Randy): Aww.
Ali (as Yashee): Fruits of my labor! [everyone laughs]
Goodrich: She is way too happy about that.
Kyle: And Ned is just like (as Ned) Alright, pretty good, pretty good.
Ali (as Yashee): Did I win?
Kyle: Aura is standing nearby and she says (as Aura) I mean, that was about just as quick, uh, you know what? This is the Youngkin Festival, it’s a good happy time, how about a tie?
Ali (as Yashee): I can take that, are you okay with that, Ned?
Kyle (as Ned): That’s it, that’s me! Yes, I am absolutely okay with that. This is all about having a good time, everyone has been so kind here, I love getting out of the city and getting into this nice, nice clean air it just- you know, brings me back to life, you know?
Goodrich: Oh! OH! OOH! [others laugh] I wanna roll another insight check.
Kyle: Oh, okay… for what? Like, do you believe him?
Ali: Are you a dead person? [laughing] Ned Cromancy!
Kyle: You can’t tell if somebody’s dead through insight, you’re reading their motives. [Ali chuckles]
Goodrich: Oh, well, it was a five anyways.
Spurrier: Oh, so you definitely can’t tell.
Kyle: Yeah, you’re really bad at it.
Ali: You know nothing.
Goodrich: Yeah, I go and turn into an animal that I’m allowed to turn into.
Kyle: Okay, what animal do you turn into?
Goodrich: I think about it, I think about how great it is to be able to turn into whatever animal I want to, and I PITY the fool that can’t control it.
Kyle: Okay. [Ali and Spurrier laugh] As you’re standing there, contemplating what animal you’d like, uh, you all notice a woman with shoulder length sandy blonde hair walking to the town and she’s walking past the group of people who are around the barrels and you can see that Ned’s attention is automatically grasped and he looks at you three and says (as Ned) Please! Excuse me one moment (as Kyle) and you hear him (as Ned) A-a-Elmira, I wanted to say thank you again for having me at your aunt’s um… manor the other night. Apologies to inquire again, but does she have an answer for me? (as Kyle) and this lady - Elmira - looks back and says (as Elmira) Mr. Cromancy, I apologize. My aunt loves that house and is stubborn, to boot. But she is fairly preoccupied with trying to make sure people are able to enter the yearly haunted house so if you'll excuse me, I have some parents to talk to. (as Kyle) and she dismisses herself from Cromancy, who looks rather, you know frazzled, a little bit dismayed, and as he standing there, you see that this look of dismay on his face slowly shifts to be more serious and almost deep in thought. His eyes kinda dart back and forth real quick, and, uh, you see he finishes the apple that he had and he kind of just, chunks it on the ground. And looks at you three, and is like (as Ned) Uh, again, pleasure to make your acquaintance, I- I need to talk to somebody, uh, excuse me.
Spurrier (as Randy): You need some help, Ned?
Kyle (as Ned): Uh, no, um, well- nothing I think you can help with. Well, I- I haven’t even gotten to really, I mean, I know Yashee already, but I don’t know you other two. What- what brings you to Beln?
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, I’m just here to watch out for cheaters. [Goodrich laughs]
Ali (as Yashee): Oh, we’re also a band!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right! [they all laugh]
Kyle: He kinda like, gives a gulp when you say cheater, he’s like-
Spurrier (as Randy): So did you need some help?
Kyle (as Ned): Um, n-no, no, I’m fine, thank you. But you said you’re a band, huh?
Spurrier and Goodrich (at the same time): Mmm, yes, indeed, mmm.
Ali (as Yashee): We play music, and stuff. Mostly music.
Kyle (as Ned): Do you go around telling tales of war, or do you tell about ancient secrets, or?
Spurrier (as Randy): Tales of heroes being stripped of their records of bobbing for food?
Ali (as Yashee): I don’t recall us making a song about that.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh yeah, we haven’t written it yet.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Randy’s on a roll!
Ali (as Yashee): Oh, okay, okay.
Kyle (as Ned): Heh, fair enough, I’ll be sure to take you up - good knowing there’s bards here if I need to catalogue any events that are going on into song. I’ll be sure to contact you about that.
Spurrier (as Randy): Indeed.
Kyle (as Ned): Perhaps there are other events here that my prowess can be spoken or sung of, but that to be seen. So I do have some matters to attend to, or that I'd like to attend to, so uh, excuse me. Again, pleasure to make your acquaintance. (as Kyle) and he kinda dips out, kinda loses himself in the rabble of people. A couple people come up, you know people say hi to you and they recognize you. And so, what do you want to do at this point?
Spurrier (as Randy): Is there any candy around, Kyle?
Kyle: Uh, yeah there's actually a big old thing of candy corn nearby, and this guys is going around with like a, a platter of it. [Goodrich and Ali begin to laugh]
[Dice rolls]
Spurrier: That’s an 11 plus 9 for sleight of hand, for an unnatural twent.
[Creepy celebration music plays, Goodrich and Ali laugh more]
Goodrich: That never gets old. [Spurrier chuckles]
Kyle: You stealthily just swipe, like just a bunch of candy corn.
Goodrich: Oh, you were stealing it?
Spurrier: Yeah, it’s a sleight of hand.
Goodrich: Oh, but it’s Halloween.
Spurrier: Okay, how is that different from any other day for Randy?
Goodrich: Oh yeah, it’s a-
Spurrier and Goodrich (together): Trick for a treat.
Spurrier: Yep, thank you.
Goodrich: Well, so I’ll just ask you (as Raz’ul) Hey, what was up with Apples McGee over there?
Ali (as Yashee): Well, he seemed so cool!
Goodrich: Yeah, Yashee whooped him, but he seemed to have uh-
Spurrier: Well yeah, oh yeah, I mean it may have been a tie, but Yashee, you’re the true champion because he was, cheating and casting Mage Hand to-
Goodrich and Ali (as Raz’ul and Yashee): Ooooooh.
Spurrier (as Randy): Stuff apples in his gob.
Ali (as Yashee): Not everybody can have a mouth like this.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): True.
Spurrier (as Randy): Isn’t that the truth?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So what do you guys think about going back to that spooky house? I dunno.
Ali (as Yashee): It could be fun…?
Spurrier (as Randy): We could, at least, check it out, I suppose. I don’t know if we’ll be able to get in, but we could try.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, I’m sure we could find a way.
Ali (as Yashee): We could at least go try, yeah.
Spurrier (as Randy): Positive thinking.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, yeah.
Kyle: Mmkay. So you’re walking around, talking about what you want to do and it being that you want to go back to the house, uh you're walking by- there's a tent that the flaps are kind of closed up on it, but you can hear people talking through the inside, and you hear this one lady exclaiming, she says (in a higher voice) Mr. Yuk and I have two nearly 30 year old children all of a sudden! While it would be easier bringing in the apple harvest for us, we want our little kids back! (as Kyle) And then you hear the lady who spoke earlier, Elmira, says (as Elmira) Mrs. Yuk, I understand, I- believe me, my aunt is trying to figure out whatever it is she can to help out your kids and the other kids that were affected. (as Kyle) and then you hear a bunch of people start to chime in about the other three children and how the place looks like, kind of, garbage.
Goodrich: Oh no. (as Raz’ul) But it’s a haunted house! (as Goodrich) Raz’ul says. [Ali giggles]
Kyle: Unfortunately the group can't hear you because it starts to go into this rabble of people talking over each other. At this point you see these kids run into the tent, lifting the flap open and you hear one of them yell (as a child) Uh, Little Johnny went out to Deboza Hexa’s haunted house! We challenged him, said he couldn't do it on his own, he couldn't spend the night there, but he DID! [everyone laughs] And he’s gone and he hasn’t come back yet! Somebody's gotta help him!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay so we're definitely going to this house now, right?
Spurrier (as Randy): I mean, I suppose. That’s fine.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright, sally forth, let’s go! (as Goodrich) Now we’re making double time, let’s do it.
Kyle: Mkay, you kinda say this to each other, and the group of people are looking out the tent flap and they see you, and you see this one half elf woman wearing like farmer's clothes, but you notice that she's wearing like a few nicer pieces of jewelry. And then, of course, you recognized Elmira- short, dusty blonde hair and everything- standing in front of this group of parents and she looks very concerned, and she looks up at you three and she says (as Elmira) Well, I've heard of Chaos Sauce in this, it’s lucky y’all are in town, if y'all don't mind checking it out and see if you can help Johnny, um I -
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeahwe’realreadyonthewaylet’sgoalrightseeyoulaterbye! [Spurrier chuckles]
Kyle: Okay
Ali (as Yashee): We’re on the case!
Kyle: Well, she turns back she says (as Elmira) Well parents, if Chaos Sauce can solve the problem, then would that be enough to allow children in afterwards? (as Kyle) and you hear most of them kind of (as the parents) [grumble grumble grumble] [everyone laughs] Yeah I reckon that would be okay, that’s fine. (as Kyle) And you're making your way back to the haunted house on the outskirts of town, as you're walking uh, you see this farmerly looking half-elf carrying a big pack and you notice it’s got, it’s just stacked full with apples and he kinda looks at you and tilts his hat and he goes (as farmer) Oh Chaos Sauce back in town, can I offer you some apples?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): (shouting) Look out, we’re running by, whoooooaaa!
Ali (as Yashee): No thanks, I ate five! I mean three.
Kyle (as farmer): Well, they are rather filling, arent’ they? Apples can be a nice meal. (as Kyle) as he’s turning while you’re running, he’s like (as farmer) Well, if you need any apples, come by and see Rhee!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright, bye!
Spurrier (as Randy): Thanks, Rhee!
Kyle: And you all, uh, run on past him and you wind up finally back at the front door of Deboza Hexa’s haunted house. By this time, going into town doing everything, dusk has set in and it's even spookier before.
Goodrich: Full moon?
Kyle: It’s a full moon.
Goodrich: Oh, alright.
Ali: Full two moons?
Kyle: Yes!
Goodrich: Ohhh!!!!
Spurrier: Yes, yes, yes.
Ali: (sings) Two moons!
Kyle: So you’re standing at the door [Goodrich gasps] of Deboza Hexa's haunted house. There is a large gargoyle knocker on the front door and, uh, you can see light flashing from the inside through the circular window above. [Everyone makes scared noises] What do you do?
Goodrich: I turn to you guys and I say (as Raz’ul) Well gang, looks like we’ve got ourselves another mystery! (as Goodrich) and then, I would like to [laughs with Ali] I would like to transform into a mastiff?
Kyle: Yes you would.
Goodrich: Y’know, A mastiff.
Kyle: I know what a mastiff is.
Goodrich: Y’know, kinda like, uh-
Goodrich and Kyle: Scooby Doo.
Goodrich: Yeah, yeah.
Kyle: That’s a Great Dane.
Goodrich: Mhmm, well, but, you know. Anyway, so-
Ali: Close.
Goodrich: Yeah, so. But uh, I’d also like to have on a little collar that says “SD”, kinda like Scooby Doo has, but instead of Scooby Doo it stands for “Super Druid”? Because I can transform into stuff I wanna transform into? ‘Cause I’m a super awesome druid, Kyle!
Spurrier: Well then if you put “Super Awesome Druid” it would be SAD and that would have double meaning.
Goodrich: Oooohhh.
[Ali and Goodrich laugh]
Kyle: Man. I like that more, that’s what it is. [laughs]
Goodrich: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ali: There it is.
Spurrier: Just so sad.
Kyle: Okay, so.
Goodrich: So I say (Scooby Doo voice) Let’s go inside!
Spurrier: You’re gonna talk like that for the rest of the episode?
Goodrich: I’m NOT gonna talk like that, no, no.
Spurrier: Alright, uh, and I’m gonna use Mage Hand to, uh, handle the knocker, because I don’t trust it, and I’m inspired by Mr. Necromancy. So-
Kyle: Okay. So you use your Mage Hand to knock on the door, do you need to play it? Halloween style?
Spurrier: No, no. [Kyle reacts sadly] It’s just, y’know, Eddie reaching out and knocking.
Kyle: Yeah.
Spurrier: But Eddie’s got a little costume on.
Kyle: Yeah, he does.
Goodrich: [Chuckles] He’s just dressed like he normally is-
Spurrier: That’s right, yeah.
Goodrich: Because he’s a ghost.
Spurrier: He’s a wizard!
Goodrich: Whatever, yeah.
[Ali laughs]
Goodrich: He’s dressed up like a witch.
Ali: Today’s he’s a ghost!
Spurrier: That’s right, he’s just got a little sheet on.
[laughter]
Kyle: So the hand comes out, with the sheet and everything, and knocks on the door and you just hear this cackling laughter and you hear (in an affected voice) Welcome to Deboza Hexa's haunted house! Are you ready to step inside and meet your doom?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): (as Scooby Doo) Yeah!
Spurrier (as Randy): (in a strangled voice) Yes?
Ali (as Yashee): Okay.
Kyle: And you hear the door start to creeeeeak on open as you see this large foyer. Do you step in? Are you ready for this?
Spurrier: Yes.
Goodrich: Yeah! I’m super ready for this, I wanted to go to the house the whole time, uhhh! (whines)
Kyle: Tell me what you’re doing after the door opens.
Ali: Dipping our toes in.
Goodrich: Uh-huh.
Kyle: Stepping a toe in?
Spurrier: Yes.
Goodrich: Just one of em?
Ali: (mimicking dipping toes) Eep, eep, oop, does our toe get old? [laughs]
Spurrier: You gotta step upon it.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: You step into the door and you see there’s a little stand that has a small piece of paper on it, and whoever’d like to read that paper may do so.
Ali and Goodrich: (in unison) Randy!
Spurrier: Oh boy!
Goodrich: Make sure to use your reading voice!
Spurrier (as Randy): [clears throat] Mmm, mhmm, yes [clears throat as others laugh] Welcome to D.B. Bazzlehossle’s house of horror!
Goodrich: [laughs] What? [Ali and Goodrich break into much laughter]
Spurrier: I thought that’s what it said [laughter continues] Wh-what is it Kyle?
Kyle: Deboza Hexa.
Spurrier (as Randy): Deboza Hexa’s house of horrors!
Goodrich: Mmkay.
Spurrier (as Randy): Pick the rooms you visit carefully as it may be the last thing you do. Each room is marked for how spoooooooky it is (as himself) there’s a lot of o’s (as Randy) so you have to choose how scared you want to be. My friends and I are quite excited you’ve decided to join us and we promise there will be plenty of tricks and treats for everyone to last you a long, long time... (as himself) and then there’s a list of rooms.
Kyle: And as soon as he finishes reading it, you just hear this cackling laughter once again, and the door slam behind you.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uhh!
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, geez. Okay.
Goodrich: [laughs] Oh no.
Kyle: As you stand in this, you’re looking over the sheet and everyone, give me a perception check.
Goodrich: Does it have to do with hearing or smell? Because I have advantage on those.
Kyle: Hearing indeed.
Goodrich: (whispers) Alright.
[Dice roll]
Goodrich: Because I have an advantage for being a dog. So uh, I got an 18 plus 5.
Ali: 11 plus 1.
Spurrier: 15 plus 3.
Kyle: Okay, you all hear the sound of uh, what sounds like a chain rattle. It sounds like it’s coming from above you. [Goodrich reacts scared]
Ali: Is there a chandelier above us?
Kyle: There is a chandelier above you, and I need everybody to give me an intelligence check, it’s just a D20 plus your intelligence modifier.
[Dice roll]
Ali: Hard day.
Goodrich: I got an 18 plus JOAT.
Spurrier: Uh, I got a 19 plus 2.
Ali: And a 14 plus 0.
Kyle: Okay, Raz’ul and Randy, you can automatically tell that the chandelier is totally an illusion, it’s not real. Yashee, you however, you don’t notice that. And It looks like it’s beginning to fall, So if you wanna give me a dexterity save, you can try to avoid this chandelier you think is gonna fall.
Ali: Sure, uh, can I use advantage because of my Danger Sense?
Kyle: Yes.
Ali: Ohh, 18 plus 4?
Kyle: You dive out of the way as serious as all seriousness can get, thinking you’re about to get clobbered by a chandelier.
Ali: Can I- can I like, as I dive, just grab the other two with me? Because, just to save them.
Kyle: Sure, yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): WATCH OUT! (as herself) and I’ll dive and pull you guys with me.
Spurrier: And then [dice roll] that is a 14 plus 9 for acrobatics, I’m gonna dive back under it screaming (as Randy) TAKE ME! [everyone laughs]
Kyle: Okay, so, you do this, you try to save Randy, but he wriggles his way out of your arm’s grasp and dives back towards it, and you see the chandelier just crash and land on Randy with a large clattering of crystal and metal.
Ali (as Yashee): NOOOOOO!!!!! (Crying)
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Howls]
Ali: Wait, don’t you know it’s not real?
Goodrich Yeah, but I’m trying to scare you.
Ali: Okay-[everyone breaks into laughter] Man!
Goodrich: It’s Halloween!
Ali: I’m not claustrophobic, and yet, here you are again.
Spurrier: Still inflicting phobia and terror.
Kyle: Yeah, right?
Goodrich: Some things never change.
Ali: My poor psyche! [laughs] Geez!
Kyle: So yes, you thin kthat Randy has been completely, just, like, creamed by this uh, chandelier.
Ali (as Yashee): [Sobbing]
Spurrier: I stick my hand out and just start throwing some candy corn at you, like here, eat up, it’s tasty, it’s Halloween!
Ali (as Yashee): Why are there only health foods in this place? [continues sobbing] [everyone laughs]
Spurrier: It’s candy corn!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, Yashee, Yashee, uh, it’s okay. H-hey look, he’s okay!
Ali (as Yashee): Why aren’t you sad, you’re always sad and you’re not sad now? [Goodrich laughs]
Spurrier: It says so on your collar!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I don’t- [laughs] I don’t know what you’re talking about, uh but, okay, you know what? Yes. Randy’s dead. Goodbye, I’m gonna go get scared some more.
Spurrier (as Randy): Bye! Alright, well it says we should pick some rooms.
[Ali as Yashee reacts with astonishment, then laughs]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh! Randy’s fine, see?
Spurrier (as Randy): Now it’s time to really get scared!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It was an illusion! An illuuuuuusion.
Kyle: Yeah, now that they’ve pointed it out to you, you can tell that this chandelier is not real, like at all.
Ali: Okay. [Goodrich laughs] (as Yashee) Did you know it wasn’t real?
Spurrier (as Randy): Well-
Ali (as Yashee): DID YOU KNOW?!
Spurrier (as Randy): I mean… yeah. [Goodrich laughs]
Ali (as Yashee): How could you do this to me? I hate Beln! [Kyle and Goodrich laugh] [sob laughs]
Goodrich: Kyle makes a note for the next one-off! [more laughter] MORE BELN.
Ali: Okay. Alright. Yashee calms down. She was almost raging. Like-
Goodrich: Uh-oh…
Ali: That was, that was a rough one. And now I’m fine, I’ll eat some candy corn, it calms me down because of the sugar.
Spurrier: That’s right!
Ali (as Yashee): [breathing heavily] Okay, okay, this isn’t too bad, it’s not like real corn.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Just walked in the door, this is the best haunted house ever. Oh my gosh, alright. Randy? Can I see the list, maybe?
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, yeah, guess we should pick out some rooms or something.
Goodrich: So while Yashee’s over there clutching her chest and trying to regain her composure from the heart attack she almost had-
Ali: Just dabbing my- my brow, sweats over here. [Spurrier laughs]
Goodrich: Just dabbing - dabs pump you up.
Spurrier: Dabs.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Anyway, uhh, we’ve got a list here of all the different rooms we can go into, and they’re rated by scare level. So, we’ve got low, medium, high, and then a super high one. So, first one is Grand Foyer, that says everyone, and then I’ll just go through these real quick. Study, low. Dining room, low. Conservatory, medium. Kitchen, low. Nooks- and there’s two nooks, the playroom, high! Breakfast nook, high! Family room, medium. Grand room, medium. Sitting room, medium. Master suite, high! And the master bath- is ultra scary ERMAHGERRRRRD. [everyone laughs] IT’S GONNA GIVE US GOOSEBERRRMPS.
Kyle: More than likely. So yeah, so essentially, the rooms that you choose are going to dictate how horrifying that they are. So, uh, someday I will eventually release this, and this’ll kinda cater to how spooky you want your adventure to be, of course, the higher level ones will be way more spookier and potentially in the realm of needing a content warning. That being said, anything that we think will need it, we’ll go ahead and post it in the description, if you wanna check that now, just to see what’s coming up. As for you three, choose your adventure wisely, again.
Goodrich: Well, I’m gonna look over to Randy, and I’m gonna say (as Raz’ul) Okay, let’s say what room we wanna go into at the same time on three, okay?
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay.
Goodrich and Spurrier: One, two three- master bathroom!
Ali (as Yashee): Kitchen!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Aww, Yashee.
Spurrier (as Randy): Well, that’s two of them.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, why don’t we go to the kitchen first, see-
Ali (as Yashee): Well I was thinking we could go to the kitchen, and the breakfast nook is right there too? We wind up there, because, y’know.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well the breakfast nook is high, Yashee.
Ali: I know, I know. I’m speaking as myself-
Goodrich: Oh, okay [chuckles]
Ali: Yashee has already been frightened to her core so the kitchen is a low stress place for Yashee.
Goodrich: Right, like I imagine it’s like going home.
Ali: But, you know, maybe we wander into the breakfast nook, I dunno? [chuckles]
Goodrich: We can. Alright, well-
Ali: (while laughing) So that’s two places.
Spurrier: So we’ve got some choices.
Goodrich: Well, as Raz’ul, saying (as Raz’ul) Why don’t we go to the kitchen, Yashee, and it’s low- does it- it says that this on here, right? It’s low, in the game?
Kyle: Yep. Yeah, yep.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So, it’s low, y’know, just to get warmed up-
Ali (as Yashee): I just need to start, y’know- that was terrifying, I just need to like, start at a calmer place.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Sure. Yes.
Ali (as Yashee): It’s just, y’know.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That’s probably not going to be this house, but-
Ali (as Yashee): Ease it in, well, yeah.
Spurrier (as Randy): Amp it up!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay. So kitchen, then maybe the breakfast nook, and then, Randy-
Spurrier (as Randy): Yes-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You and I, maybe Yashee waits outside-
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, no, no. This is a group effort.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [laughs] Okay.
Spurrier (as Randy): We’re all having fun here.
Ali (as Yashee): I’ll be behind you guys.
Spurrier (as Randy): Gotcha, gotcha.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, so let’s gooooo!
Kyle: You’re standing there talking about your decisions and what you’re gonna do, and uh-
Goodrich: You always do this crap! [Ali laughs] You’re standing there, and then BOO! [laughs]
Kyle: On the far end of the foyer that leads to the grand hall, you notice this blue image, kind of, come out of the wall, stop there for a moment, turns and looks at you three. I need you each to give me a wisdom saving throw, and Randy, because you have Brave -
Spurrier: Yes.
Kyle: Just go ahead and do it at advantage.
Spurrier: Oh! Okay.
Goodrich: Brave? What?
Spurrier: I have advantage against being frightened!
Goodrich: Ohhh!
Spurrier: It’s so scary! [Ali laughs]
[Dice roll]
Spurrier: (sings) Good to be a halfling one more time! Not that it really matters -
Goodrich: (over Spurrier) I was gonna say -
Spurrier: -cause I have advantage, but still. [dice rolls] Oh, well, okay, so it’s uhh, a 10.
Goodrich: 2!
Ali: 12.
Kyle: All three of you are immediately freaked by the visage of this ghost.
Goodrich: Ooohhh, is it Splash?
Kyle: Kind of looks at you - NO, it’s not ever Splash [everyone giggles] Nothing will ever be Splash ever again.
Spurrier: Not even Splash. [Goodrich continues laughing]
Ali: I mean, it’s Symbol. [laughs]
Kyle: So, you two are definitely frightened. Raz’ul, you are just, your bean is freaked.
Goodrich: Yup.
Kyle: And I need to roll something specifically for you because you failed so bad.
Goodrich: Oh, this is the best haunted house!
Kyle: And you - [dice roll]
[Pause]
Goodrich: Ooooh, oh, uh. What?! [laughter]
Kyle: So, you instantly age 40 years.
Goodrich and Ali: OOOOHHHHHHH!!!!
Spurrier: Is that as a dog, or is that as a person?
Goodrich: Now I’m a really old dog!
Ali: You’re a -
Kyle: As a person.
Spurrier: Okay.
Goodrich: I only age 40 dog years, it’s perfect!
Ali: 6 years.
Kyle: (whispers) Not quite, Ali.
Goodrich: Done!
Kyle: Alright, the -
Goodrich: Kyle?
Kyle: The effects of this will not be apparent until you are out of your druid form, but for some reason you feel a little bit older, but not much bolder, because you’re still scared.
Spurrier: You’ll go in a prince, and you’ll come out a king!
Goodrich: Oh boy! [everyone laughs] Oooh. Okay, fine, well I guess needless to say, Raz’ul’s tail goes between his legs and he’s like (dog whining)
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali: He’s peeing everywhere. [everyone laughs]
Goodrich: Yes.
Kyle: Oh look, noo! [others join] that’s the scariest thing.
Goodrich: Just hit me with a newspaper.
Spurrier: Except that I’m scared too.
Goodrich: You also pee the floor.
Spurrier: Yeah, yeah.
Kyle: You’re all frightened, uh, for essentially what is a minute, and after this happens the ghost just kinda like turns back towards the wall and goes back into the wall and disappears. So, uh-
Goodrich: Okay!
Kyle: For the one off stuff, mark that Raz’ul is forty years older than he would be normally.
Goodrich: Kay. Unless we save the day, Kyle, and solve the mystery!
Kyle: Sure. [Goodrich chuckles]
Spurrier: And even though we’re not in combat, what does it mean to be frightened, Kyle? I don’t think that’s actually happened to us on the show yet.
Kyle: Well, if you’re frightened, that means a few things. Uh, it means a frightened creature has disadvantage on ability checks and attack rolls while the source of the fear is within its line of sight. The creature can't willingly move closer to the source of its fear.
Spurrier: Okay.
Kyle: So this thing has disappeared, so you know, you’re starting to - the scaredness that you were experiencing is starting to subside, but you have like this very bad shock of fear that just like hit you to your core.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right. Let’s just chill in this hallway for a minute even though it's gone, take a little breather because, oh my.
Spurrier (as Randy): Well I'm going to say sorry for jumping under the chandelier now that I’ve had the, uh, the piss scared out of me too. [everyone laughs]
Goodrich: Tee-hee!
Spurrier (as Randy): Apologies.
Goodrich: Alright.
Ali (as Yashee): You peed too?
Spurrier (as Randy): I mean, just a little bit [everyone laughs]
Ali (as Yashee): You guys. [laughter continues]
Goodrich: Okay, yeah, um, my clothes went into my body so I just peed the floor and not my pants on my dog body, so…
Kyle: Right.
Spurrier: We’ll give you some prestidigitation to clean up all the piss.
Goodrich: Eh, it’s a haunted house. [everyone chuckles]
Spurrier: Okay, fine.
Goodrich: OH but children do come in here, so, yes.
Spurrier: Then, psh, done.
Goodrich (As Raz’ul): Well, does anyone have it?
Spurrier: It’s just you. [Goodrich sighs]
Ali: Just you. They might just think it’s part of the house, though. Like, “Oh no, pee!”
Goodrich: That’s true.
Spurrier: That funk!
Goodrich: It’s so authentic! [chuckles]
Ali: So, to the kitchen?
Spurrier: Yes.
Goodrich: Let’s go.
Ali: I think we’re all ready for a low level one.
Goodrich: Yes.
Spurrier: After that, geez.
Kyle: Okay, the little pamphlet that is on this little thing kind of directs you to where each room is and you follow the directions to be able to get to the kitchen. You open up the kitchen door and you see this rather large kitchen - it looks like almost bigger than a restaurant kitchen. It looks like a full staff of people would be needed to operate it properly. But you open up the door and you notice there are, you know, a number of just hands on the counter, littered here and there.
Goodrich: Like grotesque, or kind of like Thing from Addams Family?
Kyle: No, kind of like Thing from Addams Family.
Goodrich: Whew, okay.
Kyle: So yeah there's no blood splattered around or anything like that. They're just kind of like, littered all over the counter tops of this kitchen. And you step in and they all start to stand up.
[Goodrich gasps]
Ali: On their fingers?
Kyle: On their fingers.
Goodrich: Like little dinosaur, like, thing?
Kyle: No, no they kind of start walking on their like, ring in their middle finger. And then they all turn and they find a pair, and then they all start swing dancing with each other.
Goodrich: Awesome!
Ali: Aww!
Kyle: And they're dancing around and you know flipping and turning each other and it's very entertaining. It's quite entertaining and eventually they come to this big moment where they all wrap up with a final move and they stop, and it looks like they almost look toward you like, expectantly.
Goodrich: Oh, uh, yes, hooray! [everyone joins in cheering]
Kyle: Okay you start cheering and then they all launch towards your face [everyone gasps] give me a dexterity save.
Spurrier: Hoh, boy!
Kyle: Yashee, you can do advantage.
Ali: [quietly] Yay.
[Dice roll]
Spurrier: Okay, that’s a 12 plus 6.
Ali: 18 plus 4.
Goodrich: 15.
Kyle: Okay, Randy and Yashee, you’re able to dodge out of the way of most of these hands, some of them kind of clamor onto you. Raz’ul, you are - being a dog like - you kind of like, slip on the tile and whatnot. You dodge a couple of them but then one just like, lands right on your face.
Goodrich: [Howls]
Kyle: And you're trying to like swing it off and whatnot, and eventually you are able to fling it off your face. You see where it lands and all the hands that miss their mark, they wind up scurrying and running under the counters. And Raz’ul, the one that you saw- you kind of swinging off your face you see where it lands- you see something shiny down on the ground where it landed as it crawls underneath the countertop.
Goodrich: Oh, okay, so I say (as Raz’ul) Uh, uhhh, I see something shiny (as himself) and I put my nose to the ground, I’m like [sniffs like a dog] And I go over to it and start sniffing [repeats sniffing sound].
Kyle: So you go over to it and you notice that it, it looks like a cufflink, and it’s monogrammed with a C.
Goodrich: Okay, then I do the classic pointer dog like BOING and then I point to it like-
Ali (as Yashee): Whatcha got there, boy?
Goodrich: Uhh, it’s a cufflink.
Ali (as Yashee): Oh! [Ali and goodrich laugh]
Kyle: Okay -
Goodrich: It has a C on it.
Ali: I’ll go ahead and pick it up.
Kyle: You pick it up and yeah, it looks like a really nice cufflink monogrammed with a C on it uh, it's a, it's a pair of them.
Goodrich: Oh, hmm.
Spurrier: C for cheater.
Goodrich and Ali (as Raz’ul and Yashee): Huh, what?
Spurrier (as Randy): Ah, nothing.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Kay, well then, add ‘em to your inventory, Yashee.
Ali (as Yashee): Okay.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, okay, that was kinda fun. None of us got hurt, right?
Spurrier (as Randy): No, no.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Just a little spoof, a little spooky.
Spurrier (as Randy): I mean its low, it’s fine.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, so onto the breakfast nook, maybe?
Ali (as Yashee): I- I think we can do that. That wasn’t too bad.
Spurrier (as Randy): Let’s amp it up a little,
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, it did say high, so, well, y’know.
Kyle: Okie dokie -
Goodrich: Off to the breakfast nook, here we go!
Kyle: So you exit out of the kitchen and you see a door nearby where it says breakfast nook.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ah!
Ali (as Yashee): Mmm! (as herself) I’m gonna sniff the air [sniffing noise]
Goodrich: Oh, I sniff the air too! [sniffs as well]
Ali (as Yashee): Does it smell like breakfast?
Goodrich: Here, I’ll roll. [Dice rolls] I have advantage on uh, these sort of things. Ohhh, and wouldn’t you know [celebratory vocals play in a creepy manner]
[Kyle and Ali chuckle]
Goodrich: [chuckling] Ohh, geez, okay. Well, that’s a natural twunt on my s-s-s-s-s-sniff check.
Kyle: You definitely smell some breakfast behind these doors.
Ali (as Yashee): Mmmm!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yashee, it’s all you.
Ali (as Yashee): Yes yes yes! [Goodrich laughs]
Kyle: Alright, So you rush into the door-
Ali: Just kick it ooon open.
Kyle: You kick the door open and it opens to the small nook room. The wallpaper on the walls is torn, faded, and falling off; the table is set with three plates that have silver domes over them. And you just smell it, it's- it's filling the air. It's a delicious breakfast-y smell, and you each kind of smell something different.
Goodrich: Mmmm. What do I smell with my natural twunt?
Kyle: What do you smell?
Goodrich: Ohhhh-
Kyle: What’s your breakfast of choice?
Goodrich: Well I mean, right now it's probably Kibble and Bits, but-
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: What-
Kyle: What about you, Randy? [Goodrich sputters, Ali laughs]
Ali: That’s the best. Not a delicious steak.
Goodrich: Its Raz’ul snacks!
Spurrier: Uhh, some of that, uh, halfling hash!
Kyle: Okay, and Yashee?
Ali: Hmm. All of the bacon and eggs you have. [Goodrich laughs]
Kyle: Okay!
Ali: And I don't want you to misunderstand me Kyle. [everyone laughs]
Goodrich: What you may have heard is a lot of bacon and eggs.
Ali: No, I want- I want there to be all of the bacon and eggs, that’s what I smell.
Kyle: Okay, you each smell what you've just listed off.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: And you go into this room and your nose, like, directs you right to the plate that emits your smell. What do you do?
Ali: I’m gonna go right up to it, but [sighs] just before picking it up, I remember ‘oh yeah this is a haunted house. [laughs] So I freeze. [Goodrich laughs] (as Yashee) Are you guys gonna open yours? Can you- Do you wanna do it all together?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, do you wanna maybe play detect magic real quick? Please?
Ali (as Yashee): Ohh! Oh yeah, that would be pretty smart here! Okay!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Ali: And I, I don’t know about you guys, But I chose spooky songs for my spells.
Goodrich and Spurrier: Oooohhhh!
Goodrich: I was just going to play all my songs in minor.
Spurrier: Yeah, same. [laughs with Goodrich]
Ali: Well, I don’t have that luxury, or well, not really. So, low with the bass. Okay, so here we go. 2, 3 [plays drums and sings] Ooooh! Detect magic, what’s this house trying to hide! Oooooh! Detect magic, Tell me if there’s magic inside!
Goodrich: Ooh! Nice
Ali: That’s right.
Kyle: Excellent. So, you cast detect magic and your eyes begin being able to see the glow of magic erupt from all around you.
Goodrich: The entire house!
Ali: Right.
Kyle: It’s like the entire house is made up of magic, and specifically you can tell it's illusion magic. The plates in front of you also glow with this kind of illusory magic in a way.
Ali (as Yashee): Well guys, there’s definitely something magical going on here [Goodrich laughs] with the plates!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, I’m gonna try and like, nuzz my uh, top off with my nose just real carefully.
Ali (as Yashee): Do you need some help? You got it?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yes, yes please. Could you pick that up?
Ali: Yeah, I’ll open yours real quick.
Goodrich: Ahh! My face was there! [Ali laughs heartily] Geez!
Kyle: You open it up real quick, and it’s a pile of kibble.
Goodrich: Oh. (as Raz’ul, as a dog) Raz’ul snacks, ooh!
Ali (as Yashee): Okay, wait. (as herself) well then I open mine.
Kyle: You open yours up, it’s all the bacon and eggs. Like, it almost overflows like it’s dumping out from the top of the thing [Goodrich and Spurrier laugh] And it just kind of overflows over the plate and it's just there.
Yashee: Mmmm! Yum, yum, yum.
Goodrich: Then the room gets filled with bacon and we all suffocate and die. The end! So spooky.
Ali: What a way to die though.
Kyle: Randy?
Spurrier: I’ll just have Eddie do it.
Kyle: Okay, Eddie lifts it up and you’ve got like just a plate of, uh, halfling hash.
Spurrier: Yah, so good.
Kyle: Smells so good, the air is filling, brimming with these individual smells.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I’m not eating this. I’m not-
Ali (as Yashee): This is very tempting, but-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I’m not eating this. No way, I’m ready to move on!
Ali: But, do you have a fuzzball you could drop and we could have the fuzzball eat the food?
Goodrich: Like all my stuff except for maybe my guitars on my back, I don't know but my fuzz balls went into my body.
Ali: What? Oh, ‘cause you’re a dog! (as Yashee) Could you, like, not be a dog anymore?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No. [Ali laughs] Incorrect. I’m loving this. So, uh…
Ali: I mean, Yashee’s having a hard time. Is there like a- internal conflict roll?
Kyle (at the same time as Ali): Yeah you’re- I’m gonna say Yashee, you’re- I mean-
Goodrich: Constitution roll.
Ali: Constitution?
Kyle: Well, that’s like for health. If you want to, give yourself a wisdom check to see like if you would actually eat it or not. I mean, really you would know if Yashee would eat it-
Ali: I know, I know, but I mean I feel like the temptation is so strong, like I can’t be trusted to make my own decision here.
Goodrich: What if for Yashee we invented a new check? [Ali laughs, Spurrier sighs]
Kyle: Oh, god.
Goodrich: Which is like wisdom plus constitution because Yashee’s tummy is so hungry it’s messing with her head-
Kyle: It’s the wisdom of your stomach.
Goodrich: And it’s called a Yashee check.
Ali: A hunger check?
Goodrich: A hunger check, sure, I dunno.
Ali: Leave it up to you, Kyle.
Kyle: I’m gonna say- While you’re- gimme one moment just to- yes, we can do this here in a second, but- as you’re contemplating this, and you're really mulling it over whether you're going to eat all these bacon and eggs, you’re looking around and you notice on the ground there is a half-eaten apple.
Spurrier: Well, well, well.
Ali: I notice or everyone notices?
Kyle: You notice, Yashee.
Ali (as Yashee): Oh, looks like somebody has been here already… and they ate the food so it’s probably fine!
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Cool, yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): I don’t know who would imagine apples as a favorite food, though.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah.
Goodrich: [Chuckles] Can I sniff it, maybe? See if I learn anything from it?
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Oh, awesome, okay.
[Dice roll]
Goodrich: I’m gonna get a two and then a seven! So, probably not.
Kyle: Mkay.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yep, it smells like an apple. [Ali laughs]
Kyle: Definitely smells like an apple.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Anyways, I’m not eating any of this stuff, so, uh, you gonna eat stuff or are we moving on?
Ali: I’ve got a piece of bacon in my hand-
Goodrich: Okay-
Kyle: Okay, you gonna do that roll?
Ali: Well, what’s the roll?
Kyle: Just roll a d20, add your wisdom and your constitution, apparently is what we’re sayin’.
Ali: Wisdom and constitution, alright.
[Dice roll]
Goodrich: But if you add both of them, add a - oh, no. Well-
Ali: Yeah, it’s not good.
Goodrich: No. [laughs]
Ali: Five plus four.
Kyle: It’s too delicious looking to resist.
Ali (as Yashee): Sorry, guys! [mimics eating sounds, Goodrich and Spurrier chuckle] I ate just the bacon, the eggs are fine.
[[[BEGIN CONTENT WARNING: MILD DENTAL HORROR]]]
Kyle: Mkay, so you start eating and you’re eating the bacon and then all of a sudden, you start to feel like there’s a loose tooth in your mouth and you go to take another bite, and you just see a tooth fall out onto the table. [Ali gasps] and then another [Goodrich sounds grossed out] and another-
Goodrich: Dude!
Ali: [strained] This is my worst dream! [starts making gagging noises]
Goodrich: Stop eating! Stop!
Ali: [strained] I’m having a physical reaction right here at the table [continues gagging noises]
Goodrich: Oh, like, Ali is?
Ali: [strained] Yeah, I have had dreams about losing all my teeth, I hate it!
Goodrich: Kyle! [Ali moans]
Kyle: Hey.
Ali: [strained] Oh god, ugh, it’s not his fault, but he knows about this! [laughs]
Kyle: And Raz’ul and Randy, you also see this happening. It looks like Yashee’s teeth are literally just falling out of her mouth after eating this.
Spurrier: Oh!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Dude, Yashee, stop! Stop eating! Stop eating!
Ali (as Yashee): [Makes unintelligible questioning sounds, then mimics spitting out the food]
Goodrich: Can I like, jump on her, as a dog, to like, get her to stop?
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Okay, I’ll do it. (as Raz’ul) Stop! [barks] Hey! [barks again, Ali groans]
Ali: Uhh, so I have no teeth?
Kyle: Are you, what, are you checking? Are you reaching in your mouth?
Ali: Yeah, I’m touching all my teeth.
Kyle: You reach in your mouth to feel if you’ve lost all your teeth and you notice, as you’re feeling around, your teeth actually haven’t fallen out. They’re still all there.
Ali (as Yashee): [Gasping, then with fingers in mouth] Wait a second- one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine- [continues]
Goodrich: Okay, okay. [laughter]
Ali (as Yashee): [with fingers in mouth] Wait a second, guys! I’ve got all my teeth still!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul) and Spurrier (as Randy): Oh!
Ali (as Yashee): Well, what are these? (as herself) And I, are there teeth? Can I pick them up?
Kyle: They’re gone now. [gasps] They disappeared after you checked on them.
Goodrich: Uh, this is the greatest haunted house ever!
Ali: Yashee and myself almost puked. [laughter]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, next room? Let’s go.
[[[END CONTENT WARNING: MILD DENTAL HORROR]]]
Ali: Wait, can I- I mean, there’s still bacon, right? [laughs]
Kyle: Yeah, there’s still bacon.
Ali: Now that I know that it’s not real, I’m gonna take some with me, and I will also continue munching some as I go.
Kyle: You continue to munch and each time you munch on this bacon, you start the process all over again with your teeth falling out. [background laughter]
Ali: Right, but now I know they’re still there, so I don’t care. I’m just like (as Yashee) Well, whatever, worth it, it’s delicious!
Goodrich: [laughing] Do we also see this happen?
Kyle: Yeah, yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ugh, gross Yashee.
Ali (as Yashee): Just stop looking at me if you can’t handle it.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Just walk behind both of us. You wanna ride on me, Randy?
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, sure!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, here we go.
Kyle: Yeah, riding mastiff, it’s cool.
Goodrich: Oh, well hey, real quick before we keep going. I know we’re all having a super fun time at this haunted house, but there is something we’re supposed to be doing. I’m trying to remember what that is. [everyone laughs] Uh, oh! What’s making all the kids all old and crotchety?
Spurrier: Right.
Ali: Well, and aren’t we trying to find a little boy? Johnny, little Johnny?
Kyle: At this moment, you hear a (in a high voice that gets deeper after a moment) Ahhhhhh!!!! (as himself) come from across the other side of the house.
Goodrich and Spurrier: Oh, no!
Goodrich: Can we run to that side of the house?
Kyle: Yeah, you walk out-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright, pick up the pace. Hold on, Randy!
Spurrier (as Randy): Charge!
Ali (as Yashee): (with a mouth full of bacon and teeth) We’re coming!
Kyle: You charge out of the breakfast nook, and to your right you see another ghostly looking figure, and I need you to give me another wisdom saving throw.
Goodrich: Oh, geez.
[Dice rolls, then sad laughter]
Goodrich: Ah, crit failed.
Ali: Mine’s a two plus zero.
Spurrier: Uh, it’s a ten plus zero. Oh, wait-
Kyle: Did you roll at advantage?
Spurrier: -I didn’t roll at advantage! Thanks, Kyle!
[Dice roll]
Spurrier: That didn’t help, so it’s still a ten! [Ali laughs]
Kyle: Okay, so you are all immediately frightened by what looks like a ghost, and it looks at you and it goes (as a ghost) Oooo, get out of here! Leave now!
Goodrich: Ah, Splash, we know you’re old, but this is ridiculous! [everyone breaks into laughter]
Kyle: And- you’re all frightened and it starts to move towards you and in your frightened manner, you just start booking it away from it. You run back through the kitchen, back through the hallway and it’s chasing after you. You can hear it, kind of, and you turn the corner to go back to the main foyer, and you look behind you, and you notice that you’ve lost it.
Goodrich: [Sighs] Good, I thought we were gonna do that thing where we’re all running through, like, different doors in the hallways while Yakety Sax plays.
Kyle: More or less, something like that could definitely happening here in this situation [laughter and agreement] We’ll say that it did, and you found your way back to the foyer and uh, you hear another not so shifting-in-pitch kind of scream, it’s just like a (in a voice) Ahhhh! What’s what’s happened to me?! (as himself) coming from the foyer to your left.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, we should do that. We should go towards the danger.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, maybe sneak our way this time?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No way, time to go.
Spurrier: Okay, well Kyle, did any other aging happen with these failures this time around?
Kyle: No, it did not.
Spurrier: Oh, weird.
Kyle: Surprisingly enough, you did get spooked, but there were no aging failures.
Ali: I dropped all my bacon, I’m pretty upset. [laughter and agreement] Luckily I have pockets of bacon.
Goodrich: Yeah, that’s fair. Well I know we have a pass without trace kind of guy, but this seems dire.
[Spurrier and Ali agree]
Kyle: So you begin following the sound, and you make your way down the west gallery hallway, and you take a right, and you see a familiar looking person, although they’re older than you would normally expect them. [Goodrich sighs] It looks like Johnny Fincher if he was in his thirties?
[Everyone groans]
Goodrich: We was too late.
Ali: Oh, god, that’s the Johnny, of course.
Kyle: And you notice that he’s standing there and he’s holding a handkerchief, looks like a torn handkerchief and it’s got a monogrammed R on it. He’s standing there, and he looks at you three, and he goes (as Johnny) Chaos Sauce, what-
Goodrich: More like he says (with voice cracking) cHaOs SaUcE!
Ali: He’s thirty!
Kyle: Well its immediate aging.
Ali: How do you sound, Goodrich?
Goodrich; Ah, that’s fair. [laughter] It still happens every once in a while, shut up! [laughter]
Kyle: And uh, he says (as Johnny) There’s a- there’s a g-g-g-g-ghost in there! [more laughter] It’s terrifying! It says it needs help but it’s too scary to help! But you three could do something about it, you stopped Gobblocks, and you helped Mr. and Mrs. Wonderman, you three could do anything, right?
Ali (as Yashee): Do we know you?
Kyle (as Johnny): It’s me, Johnny! Yashee, you saved me last year! I’m just glad somebody’s here, this place is scarier than I expected it. All the kids were right, it was a scary one this year.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Don’t worry, you’ll turn back as soon as you get out of the house. (as himself) Just so he doesn’t-
Kyle: Roll a deception.
Goodrich: So he doesn’t panic, bapadoo. [Dice roll] Oh, well it’s an 18 plus six.
Kyle: Uh, Johnny’s like (as Johnny) Oh, y-you think so, Raz’ul? Wait-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, yeah, totally. What? Yes, it’s me, Raz’ul, I’m a dog now. [Ali laughs]
Kyle (as Johnny): Oh, yeah.
Spurrier (as Randy): He’s always been a dog.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No, wait, shu-shh, hush.
Kyle (as Johnny): Is this part of the house?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, kind of, see, we’re investigating a mystery, and I thought that a dog would be better. But, just like you, I will transform back out as soon as we leave. So, calm down, be cool. Are you cool? Are we cool?
Kyle (as Johnny): I’m fine now that I know that you three are here.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, okay, we’ll do a calming circle or something.
Kyle (as Johnny): Yeah, but the- the ghost was right there in the master bathroom, just a moment ago! Uhh, perhaps you could stop it before it goes somewhere else!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yes, we were actually totally planning on going to the master bathroom. I dunno if you saw the map, but it’s the spo-spo-SPo-SPo-SPO-SPOOKIEST room in this house!
Kyle (as Johnny): Oh my gosh, it was the spookiest!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ah, dude, you went through it already?
Kyle (as Johnny): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): How was it, was it awesome?
Spurrier (as Randy): Don’t spoil it.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): But also, was it awesome?
Kyle (as Johnny): I, uh… (sheepishly) too scary.
Spurrier (as Randy): Perfect.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh-oh, that means it’s gonna be great. Randy? (as himself) and I start like, bobbing up and down (as Raz’ul) Randy? You ready? You ready?
Spurrier (as Randy, jostling): Uhhhhhhhhh! I’m shaking!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, Johnny, stay right here.
Kyle (as Johnny): Do I have to go back in with you three?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, no, well, unless you want to.
Kyle (as Johnny): I mean, I saw it once, so-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, be real with me, this isn’t some sort of Shining situation, is it? Where the bathroom’s got the-
Kyle (as Johnny): I don’t know what that means!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yep, well, don’t watch it til you’re older. Okay, cool. [chuckles and Ali laughs]
Spurrier: I mean, he’s old enough now.
Goodrich: Oh yeah! [laughs] You can get all the R rated movies.
Ali (as Yashee): Make him go first!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, you wanna go first?
Kyle (as Johnny): No?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, good. Stay here, don’t move, we’ll be right back. Probably.
[[[BEGIN CONTENT WARNING: BLOOD]]]
Kyle: So, you walk in where he walked out of, into the master bathroom, and it is a very decadent, although run-down bathroom. There's a large tub on the other side of the room, that has, you know, it has the claw feet and everything. The mirror uh, on the vanity is cracked and broken, and as you step into it, you know, the mirror immediately beginning to weep blood.
[Grossed out reactions]
Kyle: It travels down and starts to spill over the edge onto the carpet, soaking the carpet red, quicker than you can take steps into the room. The tub, you hear it slosh a bit, and you see blood spill over the side, down onto the ground, and you begin to see what looks like an orb rising out of the tub. Slowly but surely this thing rises up, and you see the blood spill away as you see hair and other bits of a body begin to emerge from it. [the party gags] This horrific creature just kind of shakes its head off, blood splatters everywhere- you’re covered in it. And it just lets out this bellowing screech. I need another wisdom saving throw from everyone.
[[[END CONTENT WARNING: BLOOD]]]
Spurrier: Oh, boy.
[Dice rolls]
Spurrier: And this is at advantage again, Kyle, for me?
Kyle: Yes.
Goodrich: Four plus three.
Ali: That’s an eleven.
Spurrier: An eleven as well.
Kyle: You are all immediately frightened. Raz’ul, you age another 20 years.
Goodrich: Uuughh, oh my gosh!
Spurrier: Good thing you’re a dwarf.
Goodrich: Well, yeah, y’know. I was gonna say, I wish that I knew what I knew now (starts singing with Spurrier) when I was younger. (talking) Yeah.
Kyle: Yeah. Uh, as you’re standing there, frightened in your paws, no boots, boots, you hear this thing just screech out (as the monster) RELEASE ME
[frightened noises from the party]
Kyle: And it keeps repeating this over and over again, because I don’t wanna yell like that
[Party agreement]
Kyle: Uh, what do you three do?
Ali: Uh, I’m backing up [Goodrich and Spurrier agree] out of here.
Kyle: So you back out of the room, and as you do so, you hear something from further down the hallway to your right as you’re backing out. And you hear somebody just go (as a ghostly voice) Ooooh, get out of here, leave! You’re not wanted here! (as himself) and you turn to see the similar looking figure from earlier, that kind of got the drop on you after you left the breakfast nook, and in comparison to what you’re seeing in front of you, and what you’re seeing down the hall to the right of you, one is obviously way more terrifying than the other. [the party chuckles] And the figure that arose out of the bathtub moves forward, following you, continuing to scream “release me, release me”.
Goodrich: Uhh, after we get out of the room, can I like, slam the door?
Kyle: Yeah, you can.
Goodrich: We tell Johnny Fincher (as Raz’ul) Yeah, we handled that one like a total pro.
Kyle: You slam the door, white as a sheet. Johnny’s like (as Johnny) Well, there’s another g-g-g-ghost!
Goodrich: Are we like, immune to this other-
Kyle: It’s not nearly as frightening as it was earlier when it kinda got the drop on you. And, uh, it’s still standing there like (as the ghost) BOO! Boo!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, hey! (as himself) Can I like, get the ghost’s attention, like (as Raz’ul) Hey, st-stop, stop, look- (as himself) does he understand me?
Kyle: Yeah, it’s like, looking at you, it’s like (as the ghost) Oooooo!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, hey. [Ali laughs]
Kyle: And it like, starts to step forward toward you.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, so, what’s going on with the bathroom ghost? That one seemed way more scarier-
Kyle (as the ghost): I’m the ghost in this house, ooooo!
Goodrich: Can I reach out and try to, like, touch it?
Kyle: Yeah, you try to reach out, but it backs up for a moment and says (as the ghost) Nooo!
[Goodrich laughs]
Ali: Is it transparent, like can we see through it?
Kyle: No, it- it, when you noticed it earlier, you kinda just got scared and started running. And now that you’re getting a good look at it, it looks like it’s trying to be transparent, but you can tell it totally isn’t.
Ali: Hmmm.
Goodrich: Okay, can I like, do a CON test to try and grab this dude? Like, jump on him, and stuff?
Kyle: You wanna try to grapple him?
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: Alright, he is prepared for this, so you’re not getting this now. Let’s do something real quick. Let’s roll some initiative. This isn’t gonna be a long process, but it’ll just determine what his actions are.
[Dice rolls]
Ali: I have a 4.
Spurrier: 19 plus three.
Goodrich: 15.
Kyle: He had a twelve, so Randy, Raz’ul, then me, then Yashee. So Randy, what are you doing? You’re on top of Raz’ul dog.
Spurrier: Uh, I’m gonna roll two things; I’m gonna roll an acrobatics to get off of Raz’ul [dice roll] which is a nine plus nine, and then as I’m acrobating, can I do, like, a sleight of hand to like, grab his sheet or costume or whatever this feller is?
Goodrich: To unmask him!
Kyle: Yes.
Spurrier: Okay.
Kyle: Go ahead and roll me a sleight of hand, yeah.
[Dice roll]
Spurrier: That is a twelve plus nine.
Kyle: Geez, yeah. [laughter] Okay, so you grab this obvious sheet. Once you get your hand on it, and then you kind of feel resistance as your flip is stopped short. You land on the ground, and this thing is still covered, but you’re almost in a tug-of-war with it.
Spurrier (as Randy): Come on!
Goodrich: Okay, can I help him now that it’s my turn?
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: I wanna go and bite down on the sheet by Randy and start yanking.
Spurrier (as Randy): C’mon. Mr. Mastiff!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Makes growling noises]
Kyle: So you bite down on the sheet? Go ahead and give me a strength check.
[Dice roll]
Goodrich: Well, three plus one.
Kyle: You bite down on this and you’re trying to pull and, uh, you feel it tug back and the sheet rips- and you are just left with a little bit of sheet in your mouth. And this thing pulls again, against Randy, so Randy give me another contested strength roll.
[Dice roll]
Spurrier: That is a 15 plus one.
Kyle: Mkay, unfortunately you’re not able to maintain your hand-hold on this, as this thing rips away from you and begins to flee down the hall. Yashee, your turn.
Ali: Oh sweet. Uh, okay. Can I chase after him-
Kyle: Yes.
Ali: -And chunk somethin’ at him and try to hit him and knock him down?
Kyle: Yeah, what do you wanna chunk?
Ali: Ooohhhh, lemme think.
Goodrich: Throw Randy. [laughter]
Spurrier: Wee!
Ali: Um, I’ve got my soup ladle, it’s a pretty heavy, heavy cup on it? Can I get a good chonk on it?
Kyle: Yeah, go ahead and roll that thing, throw that thing.
Ali: Okay, here we go, big money. [dice roll] Oh! 18 plus two to make an unnatural twunt!
[Creepy celebration music plays] Oh yeah!
Kyle: Don’t even bother rolling damage, just- You chunk this ladle, and it doesn’t even go end over end it’s like, a missile. [party laughs] Just straight towards it. And you hear it, like, KA-TUNK on the back of this ghost’s, quote unquote, head-
Ali: Yes! Oh my god.
Kyle: And you just hear a (as the ghost) DOOUHH! [party laughs] as it uh, as it trips over its feet and just lands on the ground motionless.
Ali: Alright, I go up and I’m gonna hold him and I’m gonna wait for the other guys to come up and, uh, say (As Yashee) let’s find out who you really are! [everyone laughs] I’m gonna rip the sheet off-
Goodrich (As Raz’ul): Waitwaitwaitwait for us!
Ali (as Yashee): Oh, oh, you’re right here! I waited for you, I waited. [Goodrich and Spurrier make out of breath sounds]
Kyle: Okay, so you have the culprit, potentially.
Goodrich: Right, maybe.
Spurrier: Hopefully.
Ali: [chants] Take off the mask, take off the mask-
Kyle: And Johnny’s like (As Johnny) Well, if that ghost there, what’s that ghost in there? Who-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, who is this person?
Ali: Riiiip?
Kyle: Who do you three think it is?
Goodrich: Oh, it’s that dude!
Spurrier: Little Neddy Cheater-face.
Kyle: Neddy Cheater-face?
Ali: Ah, y’know what, I’m gonna go, mmm.
Kyle: So-
Goodrich: I think it’s Splash. [Spurrier laughs]
Ali: I’m gonna say it’s, uhh, Aura-ganizer. [party laughs]
Kyle: Aura Gannheizer?
Ali: Aura Gannheizer! She, she made this whole thing up for some reason!
Goodrich: Yeah, I still think it’s Splash. He’s playing a mean ol’ Halloween prank on us.
Spurrier: The long con.
Kyle: So you all three say your suspicions about who it is as Yashee pulls the sheet off of ‘em, and you recognize this person. It looks like they’re wearing some farmer’s gear and they have a pack with some apples in the back of it-
Goodrich: Oohhh!
Kyle: And a straw hat, and you recognize it as Rhee, apple farmer that you came across earlier.
Goodrich: Old man Rhee!
Kyle: Mr. Rhee Yuk.
Goodrich: Ooohh, Mr. Rhee Yuk.
Kyle: And he’s looking at you three, he’s like, (as Rhee) Ah, you blasted bards! [party laughs] I’m just trying to get it to where, y’know, Mr. Cromancy can actually buy this place, and we can have a decent looking manor outside of our town. Y’know, and wealthier folks’ll wanna come in! And you, you’ve ruined everything!
Ali (as Yashee): Are you the apple dude?
Kyle (as Rhee): Yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): You sell apples, man, c’mon. What’d you think was gonna happen here?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, selling apples is a noble profession, Yashee.
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, but they’re like- there’s so many better foods to sell. [laughs]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Maybe not for you.
Ali: I take some bacon and I shove it in his mouth!
Kyle (as Rhee): I knew as soon as I saw you three meddling bards come into this town that this plan would be foiled, but I had to do what I could for the good of Beln!
Spurrier (as Randy): Well, Rhee, do you know what’s up with the real ghost that’s in the bathroom?
Kyle (as Rhee): Yeah [party laughs] I summoned that ghost. I summoned that ghost to start it all, and unfortunately, sacrifices have to be made for the good of Beln. Y’know-
Spurrier (as Randy): How did you summon it?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, what the- [laughs] heck dude?
Spurrier (as Randy): Like, what kind of magic do you know that you could use to just clean up this house?
Kyle (as Rhee): Well, you learn to associate with dark, nefarious beings and they’ll grant you favors, if you make them deals.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, did you give them apples?
Kyle (as Rhee): Yep. That’s it.
Spurrier (as Randy): Lo-ho-ho. Well anyways, how do we get rid of this ghost that’s aging people, because- was that really part of your plan?
Kyle (as Rhee): That was an unintended consequence I didn’t realize happened.
Spurrier (as Randy): Well, maybe you help us fix this and we don’t, y’know, send you off to Beln prison.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, help us vanquish the dracula.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, and we’ll put in a good word for you.
Kyle (as Rhee): I don’t exactly know how to get rid of it, unfortunately.
Spurrier (as Randy): Fantastic! Alright.
Ali (as Yashee): Well, you know, you said that it was like- You gave someone apples to y’know, help you with this curse? Like, Mr. Cromancy likes apples, maybe he could help us out, he probably knows other people that eat apples, right?
Kyle (as Rhee): Everyone eats my apples! [Goodrich laughs]
Ali (as Yashee): We should ask Mr. Cromancy, he’s so cool and nice! Like- and he’s an apple eater.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What’re we gonna do, call him up on our Ira Glass?
Ali (as Yashee): Maybe!
Spurrier (as Randy): We could try!
Goodrich: Kyle?
Kyle: You could try!
Goodrich: Okay, uh, I whip out my Ira Glass. (as Raz’ul) Ned Cromancy?
Kyle: You pick up and it’s like (as Ned) Hey, this is Ned, how’s it goin, who- who’s calling me?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, we should totally prank this guy real quick before we actually ask him something.
Spurrier (as Randy): Uh, we have much bigger problems to solve.
Ali (as Yashee): We have a lot of apples over here, and we need your help!
Kyle (as Ned): O-okay?
Goodrich: I grab Rhee and put him on the phone (as Raz’ul) TALK. (as himself) Roll intimidation.
[Dice roll]
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: It’s a nine plus six!
Kyle: And Rhee is like (as Rhee) Uh, I’m sorry, Mr. Cromancy! They- they want your help with a ghost that I summoned? And they think you can help for some reason? (as himself) and you just hear this (as Ned) Ho ho, oh. Well, actually I can. I’ll be right there! (as himself) and uh, WIPE.
[party laughs]
Kyle: And Ned Cramancy walks through the front door and walks up and is just like (as Ned) So what’s uh, there’s a ghost here?
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, you wanna open that bathroom door and just take a little peak?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah. [chuckles]
Kyle: He opens the door and kind of peeks in, and he’s like (as Ned) Ah, yeah, I’ve seen something like this before.
Goodrich: [laughs] Does he, when he looks back over is his face covered in ectoplasm?
Kyle: It is. [the guys react grossed out] (as Ned) Yes, I’ve dealt with this before, I don’t like to make it a thing that I talk about much, dealing with necromancy, but-
Goodrich: You don’t talk about it much, it’s only your name!
Kyle (as Ned): I like to lean more into the nobility that I’ve been offered, um, but I have my own things that I enjoy. So, I could potentially help you out in this situation, I’ve definitely gotten rid of my fair share of ghosts in manors that I’ve bought that seem to be haunted. Of course, this wasn’t something that Elmira had mentioned to me other than happening recently, so-
Ali (as Yashee): Talk to Apple Guy over here!
Spurrier (as Randy): Unless you guys already have been chatting before this. Is that the case?
Kyle (as Ned): No.
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay! (as himself) Insight. [dice roll] 14 plus three?
Kyle: You believe him.
Spurrier: Okay.
Kyle: He seems to be earnest that he has not had any conversations with Rhee before now.
Spurrier: Fair enough! Okay.
Kyle: He says (as Ned) No, I’ve mainly been speaking with Elmira to see if, uh, her AUNT quote unquote would uh, would actually be interested in selling the manor, so that uh, y’know, I could move in and start helping build up the town a little bit more, it’s a very beautiful little place and I’d like to see it flourish and-
Ali (as Yashee): Speaking of that aunt-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, isn’t she here somewhere?
Ali (as Yashee): Where is she? We haven’t even seen her here! I think she dropped something in the kitchen, I found like a cool little piece of jewelry in there (as herself) I take it out and show you guys the little cufflink with the C on it.
Kyle (as Ned): Oh, my cufflinks! I lost those at dinner the other night! Where did you find them?
Ali (as Yashee): (suspiciously) Here, in the kitchen.
Kyle (as Ned): Yes, I was helping Deboza- Okay, so do you even know that Deboza and Elmira are the same person?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Whaaaat?!
Spurrier (as Randy): Ohhh! I was wondering why you said quote unquote, I was gonna ask.
Kyle (As Ned): It’s a- it’s a thing for the kids in the area (as himself) and you hear Johnny, Johnny’s standing there just like (as Johnny) [gasp] What?! What do you mean they’re the same person?!
Goodrich: We’re droppin’ bombs.
Kyle: Yeah, it’s like Santa’s been ruined for him, and uh, and Ned’s like (As Ned) Yeah, plays one person and acts like Deboza Hexa, the evil witch for the haunted house bit of it. [everyone reacts in realization] So I came and had dinner to have this discussion with her, and trying to keep with the aesthetic of the town, and I’ve mainly been interested in purchasing this house, and so that- I wanna maintain the haunted house aesthetic in a way, but most of the year it’s gotta look normal, like you know, we dress it up.
Ali (as Yashee): Right, right, right. So, here’s your cufflink, can you help us?
Kyle (As Ned): Yes, I can, thank you very much. (as himself) and he puts them back on and finally, tightens up his sleeves a little bit, and he says (as Ned) Yeah, absolutely, um, if you think we can brave the horrors that I saw in that room, I think we can manage to, uh, assuage this ghost back to the afterlife.
Ali (as Yashee): I’m… still pretty terrified of it.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah-
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, maybe-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): A song???
Spurrier (as Randy): To make ourselves a little bit braver?
Goodrich: Yeah. Oh, that glint in your eye. [Party laughs] A bravery song.
Kyle: A song of bravery, alright.
Goodrich: But it’s gonna be spooky, ‘cause it’s Halloween.
Kyle: A spooky song of bravery.
Goodrich: It’s more about- because you’re braving the spookiness of the song, and if you can brave that, you can brave anything.
Ali: Yeah!
Kyle: Say brave one more time.
Goodrich: Brave.
Spurrier: Brave!
Kyle: Say it one more- no. [laughs] Alright! Well, let’s get to rollin’ some chord dice, then.
[Musical transition]
Ali: Necromancy, Ned Cromancy, not a bad guy?
Kyle: Not a bad guy!
Ali: Seriously?
Kyle: Seriously not a bad guy!
Ali: Ah, gosh. That’s why I tried to get him over to us, I thought he was going to spill his beans all over the place. But nope!
Goodrich: Or like, try to kill us, I was like what is she doing?! [Ali laughs ] So I was like call him up, I guess! Geez.
Ali: Yeah, well. Oh, well.
Kyle: Yeah. It was either naming him Ned Cromancy or Rhett Herring. [Spurrier laughs]
Goodrich: Right, yeah. Naturally.
Ali: Okay. Alright.
Goodrich: Okay, key first?
Spurrier: Uh, major or minor? I mean, I would think minor, but let’s you know, establish.
Ali: Mmm, minor, right?
Goodrich: I mean, yeah, okay [dice roll] and it’ll be in D minor maybe? Oh, no, C. Well, there ya go. A one.
Spurrier: It’ll be fine.
Ali: Okay.
Goodrich: Alright, here we go.
[Chord dice rolls]
Spurrier: So we got one, five, six, and seven.
Goodrich: Alright, so C minor, A flat, G or G minor?
Spurrier: And then B diminished or B flat.
Goodrich: That’s right. So! Drums.
Kyle: Let’s hear them drums.
Ali: Right. Forgot, okay. [coin flip]
Goodrich: You’re always just over there staring off into space!
Ali: [laughs] I know! I’m always like, trying to figure out the chords while you guys are saying ‘em, like I can’t do this. Okay, user bank [dice roll] pattern is (creepily) 66. [Goodrich gasps, everyone laughs] So close!
Goodrich: Spooky!
Ali: Uh, that’s a jazz waltz. So that’s gonna be, that’s gonna be in three.
Goodrich: Oh yeah.
Spurrier: Oh, great, yeah.
Ali: And the kit is 71, which is a room kit.
Goodrich and Spurrier: Okay.
Goodrich: So the spookiest jazz waltz ever!
Kyle: Cool, cool.
Goodrich: Yeah, we need to remember to do, like, what time signature we’re doing.
Ali: Oh, it worked out anyway. Gave us a six.
Spurrier: Yeah.
Goodrich: Okay!
Kyle: Hooray! Start writing, listeners, talk to you in a second!
[Musical transition]
Kyle (as a vampire): Good evening, this is Kyle your Dungeon Maestro- (as himself) just, I'm not going to do that, sorry y'all, it's Halloween and I'm feeling frisky. Thank you all for joining us on this Halloween one-off, I hope you all are enjoying it so far, we're having a good time. Those bards are off doing their thing, so let me just go ahead and drop some special news on you. I am going to be working on getting the DM notes for last year's one-off with Gobblocks. So, keep an eye out for that I'll probably announce an official date for that in one of the next middle bits. Other than that, you know November is going to be pretty much going to be the Bards on Board action, which is where we were rotating the DM seat on the trip to GenCon. So part one is going to release on November 5th, then part 2 will be released on November 19th, and then we are going to dip back into the proper episodes with episode 45 releasing on December 3rd. So we have a returning sponsor from Dice Populi. One dungeon master just isn’t enough anymore. It’s time for a new kind of D&D real play. A group of players that never stop roasting each other, a podcast that always stays fresh, it's time for Dice Populi. You got 5 players that build the world together by handing off DM duties to each other. They bring new stories and styles every few episodes and guarantee unexpected twists and turns to this take on tabletop tales. I see you trying to trip me up with all those t’s, I like it. In this spookiest of seasons, there is not a better time to hop on board as they continue the dark, twisted tale called It Came in the Night. So go listen to Dice Populi’s multiple story arcs so far, they have way more than just that. You can download their free adventure PDFs, hear original music every episode, and get a look behind the scenes with cast info and concept art all for free over at dicepopuli.com. That’s D-I-C-E-P-O-P-U-L-I.COM and I gotta say, and a DM, having other DMs run a game for me, that’s heaven. Don’t forget, you can listen to Dice Populi at dicepopuli.com or wherever you prefer to listen to your podcasts. Of course, you know we’re not there, we can’t just be done there, this is Halloween! So let’s get into come musical mischief. Goodrich, Spurrier, DO IT.
[Spooky Music]
Populi, Dice Populi, will make you laugh and cry
Storytelling dungeon masters, won’t you stop on by
To Populi, Dice Populi, please give their show a try
Do it for your favorite bards, and do it for old Kyyyyy...le.
[Musical transition]
Kyle: Alright, and that’s it! Thank you Goodrich and Spurrier for assisting me with that and thank you, Dice Populi. So, the typical stuff, of course, applies. Social media action: @bombardedcast, #bardcast, and visit bombardedcast.com for all your other bardic needs. Let’s get back to the magical music that they’ve got goin’ on in this Halloween one-off and I’ll (spookily) see you laterrrrr.
[Musical transition]
Goodrich: Shhh, listen! You smell something?
Spurrier: UH?
Goodrich: UH? Well, anyways. [Ali laughs] Raz’ul is gonna stay as a dog [Kyle SNEEZES]
Kyle: What’d I scare you?
Goodrich: Ahhh! [everyone laughs] You did! Ah, so Raz’ul is gonna stay as a dog, and I have a way I’m gonna do this with my guitar.
Ali: Oh, yeah?
Spurrier: Open strings?
Goodrich: Open strings, totally. [Ali laughs] And I’ll use my little dog toenail to pluck it whilst I sing.
Ali: Cool.
Goodrich: Well I still wanna be a part of it, BUSTIN’ MAKES ME FEEL GOOD!
Spurrier: W-well. Alright.
Goodrich: Okay, here we go.
[Synth music starts]
Do you ever hide when you feel a fright
When you hear the wind howling in the night
Don't you worry if things get spooky
There's another sound coming from the ground
Everything I see's moving all around
Don't you worry if things get spooky
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
Now we've got to go face a ghastly foe
We're too close to let apprehension show
Don't you worry if things get spooky
You won't scare us now, we won't turn around
Fear will fade away, mettle will resound
Don't you worry if things get spooky
[Synth music fades out]
Kyle: Okay, not- not- not too shabby.
Goodrich and Spurrier: Noooot too shaaaabby!
Kyle: But we’ll say, uh, I’m going to give you a 31% chance of failure-
Goodrich: Ooooh!
Kyle: Because of spooky 31 Halloween action! [Ali makes ghost noises]
Ali: Very nice.
Kyle: 32 and above?
Goodrich: So, you know what that means [others make agreement noises] You did that on purpose, Kyle!
Kyle: Probably, do the math, you’ll figure it out. [Goodrich chuckles]
[Dice roll]
Kyle: I can’t see that-
Spurrier: We got a 15!
Goodrich and Ali: That’s a 15.
Kyle: Okay!
Spurrier: So we fail.
Goodrich: We fail! Oh no! [Ali laughs] Oh Halloween?! It’s so spoooooky!
Spurrier: It is spooky!
Kyle: So the magic begins to kind of bubble up from your instruments, and it starts to look almost like it’s gathering into, like, its own little cauldron, and you have all these notes that are flying into it, and it’s startin’ to spit and bubble and you just see it, kind of like, solidify, crack, and shatter.
Ali: Oops!
Spurrier: Oh!
Goodrich: It was all that singing Yashee did, so high! [laughs]
Ali: Just breakin’ that glass, oh!
Spurrier: Perfect. Okay, um-
Goodrich: Well this ghost hasn’t been hostile to us, really, like it hasn’t tried to hurt us-
Ali: True.
Goodrich: Just tried to really scare us.
Spurrier: Well, Kyle, isn’t it, if you’re frightened, it’s only if you’re looking at them, right?
Kyle: Yeah, if you see it.
Spurrier: Okay, so I guess, go backwards, er- [Goodrich laughs] Well, I dunno.
Goodrich: Well, yeah, so I actually have the heroism spell-
Spurrier: Uh-huhhhh.
Goodrich: So a willing creature I touch is imbued with bravery, so basically they’re immune to being frightened? [Ali laughs heartily]
Spurrier: Oh! WELL.
Goodrich: So we kinda didn’t super duper need to do that song maybe?
Spurrier: I meeean-
Ali: Or ANY of this! [everyone laughs]
Goodrich: No!
Spurrier: Wow.
Goodrich: But it only lasts for a minute- only lasts for a minute!
Ali: Okay! [continues laughing]
Spurrier: Alright, well, we’ll be quick about it. It you can do that-
Goodrich: It’s not a cantrip, uh. Yes, sorry. Uhhh-
Spurrier: Can you cast it on all of us?
Goodrich: Yes, I can cast as a third level spell. [laughs with Ali]
Spurrier: Oh, perfect. Just pristine.
Goodrich: It’s fine. [Ali is still laughing] Well, let’s see, now I gotta play it, so I’ll do it in minor, uhh- aw dang, no, I’m still a dog!
[Ali starts again]
Kyle: Oh yeah!
Spurrier: Oh, right.
Kyle: Uhh, you-
Goodrich: [laughs] N-n-no, it’s cool, it’s cool! If I just change the key, I can do it on open strings, I think. So it just won’t be-
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: -It’s cool I’ve got this. I got- I got it. [Ali laughs, Goodrich chuckles] I’ll start- pawing at Usumptin like I did for the other song and I’ll say (singing with music)
I wish that we weren't scared,
of ghosty, the ghosty in there
Hooo we could be heroes
Just for this one-off!
(music ends) [laughter]
Goodrich: Really give us that bravery, uhh, okay. So we have a minute, so I say to you guys (as Raz’ul) Okay, we have one minute, that song was super cool and spooky.
Ali (as Yashee): Alright, well let’s get in there!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, okay. It has unfinished business, we just need to find out what that is and it should leave. (as himself) so we pop back in there, bust that door down, and be like (as
Raz’ul) Alright.
Ali (as Yashee): Yo, ghost!
Kyle: Okay, you bust down the door and you open it up to a rather clean looking bathroom in comparison to what you saw before. The tub is drained, and emptied. There’s no blood on the walls or floor or anywhere.
Goodrich (As Raz’ul): So we did it!
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh!
Goodrich (As Raz’ul): The bravery song worked! We’re so brave-
Ali (as Yashee): Hmm, hullo!!!
Goodrich: The ghost was afraid of us!
Kyle: You, uh, you walk in, you’re looking around, taking stock of everything, and uh, Yashee you pass by the mirror as you’re saying hello and you feel a chill come over you. And you look at the mirror, and you can see the ghost behind you in the mirror, looking at you.
Ali (as Yashee): Oh, oh there you are! Hey! Looking good. [Goodrich laughs]
Kyle: It kind of waves, and it says (as the ghost) Release me.
Ali (as Yashee): Well, we’d like to, hey guys come over here!
Goodrich: Okay, we go and all crowd into the mirror.
Kyle: Yep, and you can see her standing behind y’all in the mirror.
Spurrier: Oh!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, what’s your unfinished business? All ghosts have unfinished business.
Kyle (as the ghost): My business was finished, I was summoned against my will. I need someone who can release me.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh! And how?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Who’s that person? What qualifies someone as a releaser of ghosts?
Kyle: And, uh, Ned kind of sticks his head in the door, he’s like (as Ned) Did somebody say releasing a ghost?
Spurrier: Ohh!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yes, cover your eyes, though, I didn’t get you with my bravery spell.
Kyle (as Ned): Oh, okay, uhh (as himself) and he kinda covers his eyes, he walks in and he says (as Ned) Is there an actual ghost here, or is this-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yes, it’s in the mirror, you have to just trust us, unless you wanna just chance it, and look.
Kyle: And he-he peeks his eye over and he’s like (as Ned) Ah, okay okay.
Ali: Um…
Goodrich: He’s not scared?
Kyle: No, he’s not scared. [Ali laughs]
Goodrich: What the?! [groans] we coulda just had him the whole time!
Ali: Yep.
Kyle: Yeah. You see him and he says (as Ned) Okay, so the ghost just needs to be released. I mean, any competent necromancer could do that, so-
Goodrich: [laughs] Okay, cool.
Kyle: Let me go ahead and just take care of this for you.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, that’s very kind of you.
Ali (as Yashee): Thanks, bud!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Wow, that’s very handy.
Kyle: You see him begin to gesticulate, and there’s, uh, y’know, magic wisps began to form around the formations he’s making with his hands, kinda like really quick Naruto stuff.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: You see him, he- his eyes kind of, uh, go white, and then they come back to, and the ghost kinda like, jerks and sharpens up, and the ghost says (as the ghost) Ah, a new controller. Excellent. Perhaps you can help. (as himself) and Ned just looks in the mirror and says (as Ned) You’re done here. (as himself) and the ghost dissipates.
Spurrier: Oh.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That’s… convenient, Ned. What the heck? Why weren’t you in here before?
Kyle (as Ned): [Laughs] I wasn’t invited. CUT TO BLACK.
Ali: Oh-
Goodrich: Oh my g- [Everyone laughs]
Kyle: We come back to in the town-
Ali: Oh, okay.
Kyle: Uh, Raz’ul’s still a dog at this point-
Goodrich: Yes, I’m not changing!
Kyle: Still hasn’t changed out. You are in the tent, and Ned has taken you back with Rhee in tow and, uh, finds where Elmira is, still talking with some of the parents. She looks waylaid by berating parents, and is just obviously like (as Elmira, thinking) I wish this was over. I wish I could be done talking to these people because they don’t- they’re not understanding what i’m saying.
Goodrich: Right, right.
Kyle: Ned walks in, and he says (as Ned) Townsfolk, don’t worry! Your visiting guests, Chaos Sauce, took care of everything at Deboza Hexa’s Haunted House.
Ali (as Yashee): That’s right!
Goodrich: But wait- are the kids still, like, old?
Kyle: There are still some old kids, and, uh, but it looks like they’re talking to this cleric that y’all recognize from whenever somebody was having some trouble back in the Wonderman times, it’s the same cleric. He’s still around.
Everyone: Ooohhhhhhh.
Kyle: And Elmira says (as Elmira) Oh thank- well all we have to do is just take care of the kids and we can get them back to their age. He’s got enough materials to be able to use. (as himself) and you see him starting to do this kind of clerical incantation. You see him bust out which looks like a large pile of, like, diamond dust, and he casts it on one kid and they seem to revert back to their original age, and you see the diamond dust just kind of, burst into flames.
Goodrich: The kids burst into flames?
Kyle: No, the diamond dust does. [Everyone laughs] He- he does this for all five of the kids that are there. And he turns and he sees Johnny who’s with y’all, as well and he’s like (as the cleric) Oooh, Johnny I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you’d been aged as well. I only had enough for the five.
Goodrich: Ohhh, and I don’t get any either. [sad howl]
Kyle: And uh, Johnny says (as Johnny) Well, that’s okay. I think I’ll get by. I mean, as long as Chaos Sauce is gonna make the rest of the Youngkin Festival super fun by playing more tunes!
Goodrich: As long as we play it on one string! [Everyone laughs]
Kyle: And, uh, at this point, uh, the parents seem somewhat happy, although-
Goodrich: What about Johnny’s parents, where are they at?
Kyle: That’s a good question, maybe we’ll find that out in the next one-shot. [Goodrich groans] So! That’s all I’ve got for this one.
Goodrich: So I’ll just stay 60 years older, I guess, and a dog.
Kyle: Sounds like it, I guess, yeah.
Ali: Are you gonna turn from a dog to a person so we can see your old face?
Goodrich: Maybe next time, Ali!
Spurrier: Spoooooky! [Ali laughs]
Kyle: And a Happy Halloween, everyone!
Goodrich: [as everyone laughs] Hooray! Happy Halloween!
Kyle: Bye.
[Spooky outro music plays]__