Ep. 8 – On the Road Again
[Theme song plays]
Kyle: Hey everyone, welcome back to BomBARDed! Last time our adventurers made their way out of the basement and found a sweet dance club before doing so. They spent a few days milling around the school before Symbol hit them up; let them know about their next assignment. They met up with Symbol, got some delicious breakfast- Symbol spilled the beans on what they were gonna go do- they're heading out towards Basom. They stopped by commissary, placed an order with Emma Zahn for some items and then made their way- met up with Symbol and in their travels, they wound up talking a little about seventh chords and jamming down a little bit with Symbol, and breaking free of Yashee’s anxiety over dancing.
Kyle: Yeah, so let’s go ahead and pick back up there real quick.
Kyle: You start to settle in for the night, best you can of course being in a carriage. As you’re starting to get ready for bed- everybody give me a perception check.
Goodrich: By bed we’re basically just leaning our head back.
Goodrich: [Laughs] And going to sleep-
Kyle: [Laughs] Yeah pretty much.
Spurrier: Like a-
Kyle: Like I said, best you can.
Spurrier: Because of our travels are we healed up yet? Like, have we had a long rest or not quite-
Kyle: Ya’ll had a rest before we started so-
[Players and Kyle speaking over each other about being at full health]
Kyle: And in this one just let me know if you get higher than your passive perception.
Ali: I met my passive perception.
Goodrich: I met my passive too.
Spurrier: I passed it, a nineteen plus three.
Kyle: Okay, Raz’ul and Yashee- ya'll just hear the mumbling of someone talking. Randy, you hear the driver say-
Goodrich: [yelling] Keep it down!
Kyle: No, he doesn’t say that!
Kyle: You hear the driver say-
Kyle(as Mitch): Ma’am are you okay?
Kyle: After that point, there isn’t a response to any of the talking you’re hearing outside. Then all the sudden you hear footsteps walk up to the actual carriage and you hear the driver exclaim-
Kyle(as Mitch): Dear G-
Kyle: But it’s cut short. All the sudden you feel the carriage kind of bounce slightly and you hear a thud hit the ground. A woman’s voice from outside breaks the silence-
Kyle(as Woman): Will the well-to-do ma’am or sir please exit the carriage and forfeit anything of value. An expeditious response will secure your driver’s life.
Goodrich: I tug on Symbol’s sleeve and I'm like-
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Uh, S-symbol uh I think there’s someone outside-
Kyle: He just kind of-
Kyle(as Symbol): [Tired] Huh?
Goodrich: He sleeping?
Kyle: He was starting to, he’s like- getting close-
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Hey, hey!
Kyle(as Symbol): W-what's going on? Why are we- why are we stopped?
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Uh t-teacher I think maybe- someone outside, we should-
Ali(as Yashee): Something going on out there-
Kyle(as Woman): [Yelling]Sooner rather than later would be better!
Kyle: You hear from the outside; and Symbol’s just like-
Kyle(as Symbol): Uh, O..kay I guess let’s see what’s happening.
Goodrich: Cause I'm thinking like, I want to see some of Symbol’s chops. You know?
Goodrich: See what he’s got-
Ali: If there’s anyone well-to-do here it’s probably him.
Ali(as Yashee): I think they need you out there.
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Yeah, I think someone is calling for you out there Symbol.
Spurrier(as Randy): After you, Splash.
Kyle(as Symbol): It’s Symbol but..okay, well let’s see what they’re asking for. I'm sure it’s just a standard highway robbing.
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Or checkpoint-
Kyle(as Symbol): Or checkpoint, yes.
Kyle: Symbol starts to open the door and he’s like-
Kyle(as Symbol): Lead the way.
Goodrich: To us?
Ali: Yashee’s hopping out to check out the scene.
Goodrich: Alright, I’ll follow you.
Kyle(as Symbol): I want to see how you handle this situation so let’s get out there.
Goodrich: I follow Yashee outside-
Goodrich: I kind of motion over to Randy like-
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Hey, get out here.
Spurrier: I turn to Symbol and say-
Spurrier(as Randy): I did say after you Splash, but fine.
Spurrier: And I mosey on out.
Kyle: [Chuckles] He kind of chuckles.
Goodrich: So, while we’re out there can I roll a stealth check? I want to say something to Yashee and Randy without Symbol hearing.
Kyle: Yeah, yeah go ahead and roll a stealth check to see how quiet you tell them.
Goodrich: I got a fourteen plus one from jack of all trades, so fifteen.
Kyle: Okay, what are you saying?
Goodrich: So, I kind of pull you guys close- I guess kind of motion to Yashee.
Ali: I’ll bend down.
Ali(as Yashee): What’s up?
Spurrier: I’ll stand on my tip toes.
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Hey I think this might be one of Symbol’s buds playing a little trick on us. I think he’s maybe testing us to see-
[Players agree quietly]
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): I dunno, that’s kind of the vibe I'm getting from this but..i could be totally wrong, but let’s see where it goes.
Kyle: So you get out of the carriage and form a little huddle while Symbol is getting out. You hear the same female voice exclaim-
Kyle(as Woman): Whoa, that’s more than I expected uh, could be a good personal haul for me then. Since there’s four of you then there’s got to be some good treasure on you..wait one second-
Kyle: He kind of stops and eyes you down. This figure’s kind of backlit by the setting sun-
Goodrich: Oh, nice!
Kyle: The one thing you notice is they’re wearing tight fitting clothes and it’s like: black slacks, white shirt, skinny tie and then just a mask. And on the mask, you can barely see this, but it’s just circular eyes and a c shaped nose painted onto the mask. But she’s just standing there and she’s like-
Kyle(as Woman): Well this should be a good haul shouldn’t it? Uh- by god is that who I think it is?
Kyle: And she kind of gets really giddy, and she starts like hopping around-
Kyle(as Woman): Is that- is that my little guy? Is that my little Randall?
Kyle: And you recognize the voice as belonging to Rhiannon.
Spurrier: And Randy just kind of giggles.
Spurrier(as Randy): [High pitched giggle]
Spurrier: And goes-
Spurrier(as Randy): Oh Rhiannon, you two-faced dog.
Kyle: She kind of- she kind of like, saunters up and crouches down real low and she’s like-
Kyle(as Rhiannon): Hm, I can’t say that I’m not happy to see you but, I am glad I get to see you one last time.
Kyle: She raises up her mask and reveals a half-elf face, dark brown hair which kind of swoops across half of her face covering it. She's like-
Kyle(as Rhiannon): You realize that, you made yourself a liability and don’t tell you expected to walk away without repercussions.
Spurrier(as Randy): Yeah, I figured that might be the case but you know it was the base choice of action given the circumstances.
Kyle(as Rhiannon): I have to say I don’t agree with that, Randall.
Goodrich: I’m just looking over at Yashee like, uh?
Ali: I just put my hands up like, I don’t know what's going on.
Goodrich: Family reunions, right? Yeah.
Kyle(as Rhiannon): Well, all I ask is you keep your friends out of this and I’ll do this mercifully. It's the only way you die quick and painlessly I promise.
Spurrier(as Randy): Well, I’ll keep my friends in it and I introduce you to Chaos Sauce- with Raz’ul son of Daz’ul, and Yashee Bordun and we’re going to end this mercifully for you. You two-faced son of a-
Goodrich: Insert expletive-
Spurrier: Insert expletive, I was like yeah I'm gonna catch myself there!
Goodrich: Get out of here!
Spurrier(as Randy): You two-faced son of a Nowhere Man.
[Players gasp in surprise]
Kyle: And when Randy says Nowhere Man, Raz’ul and Yashee you recognize this terminology as belonging to- almost a mythos in ways of being a rogue that has influenced certain areas of culture and, it pops up like almost simultaneously in different spots.
Goodrich (imitating The Beatles): All right.
Ali: Koo koo kachoo!
Kyle: So, the Nowhere Man is essentially like a rouge that has never been caught-
Goodrich: Oh! Cool!
Kyle: And most people like, are pretty freaked out by meeting the Nowhere Man-
Goodrich: But if they meet him wouldn’t they have caught them?
Kyle: [Laughs] No not necessarily because they typically die.
Kyle: Yeah. So, it’s not a great thing to meet a Nowhere Man and here you have one in front of you based off of the conversation that Randy and Rhiannon just had. So, she kind of- after you insult her she kind of reels back a little bit and stands up and she’s like-
Kyle(as Rhiannon): Okay well, you are going to make this difficult. You- you don’t know how hard this is on me, Randall.
Spurrier(as Randy): Oh I think I do.
Kyle(as Rhiannon): [Sighs] Alright, well then-
Kyle: And at that moment she kind of looks behind your shoulder and she’s like-
Kyle(as Rhiannon): Who’s setting up a picnic?
Kyle: And you turn around and you see Symbol just kind of setting out a blanket and you know- [someone laughs] setting up a place for a nice spot to watch.
Goodrich: And then Yashee and I are over there too but then we pop back over real quick like, Pokémon style [Pchew] Let’s do this!
Ali: I hop up and run on over. I take out my hammers and be like-
Ali(as Yashee): Look lady, first thing- it's Randy and second-
Ali(as Yashee): And second, you’re not touching no one here.
Kyle(as Rhiannon): I’m afraid you might be wrong on that.
Kyle: Let’s go ahead and roll initiative.
[Multiple dice rolling]
Spurrier: That is a nine plus three, twelve.
Goodrich: Five plus nothing!
Ali: Nine plus one, ten.
Kyle: Okay cool, that’s perfect.
Goodrich: What’s the terrain like out here? Is it just like, grassy field or-
Kyle: Yeah it’s kind of like grassy field mixed with like some rocky patches cause you’re closer to like the foot hills of mountains and stuff like that. It's kind of a mixture.
Goodrich: Oh, okay.
Kyle: First up, Rhiannon’s gonna go and with a blinding motion she grabs a quarter staff off her back and whips it around, and Yashee does a sixteen hit you?
Kyle: Okay, you are caught off guard as a quarter staff swings around and catches you in the side of the head. You're gonna take nine damage and go ahead and give me a constitution save.
Ali: [Rolls dice] Okay, that’s gonna be nineteen plus four.
Kyle: Okay a nineteen plus four, that’s succeeds. You are spun violently by this knock to the head and you’re almost dizzied and you’re like “oh my god what the heck just hit me?” but then you kind of shake it off and you’re good to go. The next action, Raz’ul does a- let me see here [rolls dice]
Goodrich: Does she get to go again?
Kyle: Does a fifteen hit?
Goodrich: Uh, yeah it hits, mine's twelve.
Kyle: So, she swings around- cracks Yashee in the skull and with the opposite end of her quarter staff you take, [rolls dice] eight damage as the quarter staff comes around and hits you with the butt end in the stomach and like kind of knocks the wind out of you. Nothing like, mechanical happens but- and then her last move is going to be [rolls dice] Randy, does a twenty-five hit?
Spurrier: A little bit, yeah.
Kyle: Mkay, and you are going to take- lemme see here. [Rolls multiple dice] You are going to take fifteen damage as a shuriken is thrown out of nowhere and into your foot. Um, so that imbeds into the top of your foot.
Goodrich: Lucky you’ve got that sweet, sweet halfling hair on it.
Kyle: [Laughs] Nice protective layer. Then after that she quickly like, slides back about fifteen feet. You know, that anime slide backwards? And has her quarter staff, twirls it and then stands there ready for ya’ll to move. You hear Symbol in the back go-
Kyle(as Symbol): Oh, this is going to be interesting to watch!
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Yeah, you gonna help prof or you just gonna keep chowing down back there?
Kyle(as Symbol): I’m just gonna study and see how you handle this. If I need to step in I will.
Spurrier(as Randy): Dr. Treats, thanks. Great. Love it. Alright, fine.
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): We’ll make you proud!
Kyle: We’re onto Randy, you’re turn.
Spurrier: So Randy turns towards Rhiannon, two-face, and hisses [hiss, players chuckle] cause he’s pissed.
Ali: Got him all riled up.
Goodrich: Like a golem hiss. [Hisses]
Spurrier: Alright so after Randy hisses he turns towards her and says-
Spurrier(as Randy): Rhiannon, I think you remember Eddie.
Kyle(as Rhiannon): I remember what you took, absolutely.
Spurrier: So then Randy lifts up his shirt like he does and I’m gonna cast witch bolt at a third level spell and-
Spurrier: And let’s see here uh, if it hits it will be three d12 and then every turn she has to make-
Kyle: Three d12!?
Spurrier: I know she’s nothing to mess with! [Kyle laughs] Yeah, no crap!
Kyle: I just- that's insane, I didn’t- aw man.
Spurrier: So Randy lifts up his shirt and says-
Spurrier(as Randy): [Distorted] Witch bolt!
Kyle: Okay, roll that- it's an attack roll right?
Spurrier: Yup. So, that is a nineteen plus three- twenty-two.
Kyle: That hits.
Spurrier: Hurray! So three d12, and then if I want to- if I want to expend my turn and continue to cast-
Kyle: Yeah cause it’s like a constant contact thing-
Spurrier: Right- I assume this would be fair, it would only be one d12 even though I cast it at third level. Okay, cool.
Spurrier: Goodrich and Ali if you want to roll a d12 along with me. [Dice rolls] That is a nine, a two-
Spurrier: And a two.
Spurrier: That’s alright!
Kyle: Nine, two and, two that’s thirteen damage.
Spurrier: and Eddie gives her a rude gesture with his hand and then goes back inside of Randy. [Someone laughs]
Kyle: As the witch bolt continues to arc from your tummy, you continue to hold up your shirt like- [yells]
Kyle: Uh- [Spurrier and Kyle mock a high-pitched yell]
Spurrier: And to wrap up, Randy is going to back up by fifteen feet to be thirty feet away.
Kyle: Okay, excellent. So that’s Randy’s turn, Yashee- you're reeling a little bit from that attack to the head but you get your senses about you. How are you going to proceed?
Ali: How close am I to her?
Kyle: She is fifteen feet away from you.
Ali: Okay, can I take half my turn to get over to her-
Ali: And then still attack?
Kyle: Yes you can.
Ali: Yeah so, I'm just gonna kinda of charge at her and I’ll take out my maul and just try to give her one back that she gave me.
Kyle: Absolutely go for it, roll me an attack roll.
Ali: Okay so, I got a fourteen plus six and this is a reckless attack that I’m doing which is a barbarian first attack of the turn thing-
Ali: So, anything melee using a strength modifier I get advantage on.
Ali: Okay well, I got a four so fourteen stands.
Kyle: Fourteen stands. Alright so, you- go ahead and roll your damage. 2d6 right? Plus strength?
Ali: Yes. [Rolls dice] I got a five and a three and my strength so that’d be eight plus three is eleven.
Kyle: Alright so, eleven damage. Alright yeah so, you rush up in her spot and bust out your maul, and you just go for like a straight plant in the gut and you bring it right up in there. It catches her pretty good, she’s knocked back just a little but not but enough to be substantial. But she’s knocked back a little bit, kind of [grunts]. And looks at you as you’re doing it and like gives you a wink.
Ali(as Yashee): Oh! Uh- uh..
Goodrich: Winks as good as a nod, come on back!
Spurrier: Say no more!
Ali(as Yashee): D-don't wink at me! What are you doing?
Kyle(as Rhiannon): Oh, this is going to get fun isn’t it?
Ali(as Yashee): [Hesitantly] Uh..
Ali: Can I back up? Where’s my-
Kyle: You’re gonna provoke an attack of opportunity. Which means she would get an attack roll on you. If you want to back up. Your choice.
Ali: Okay, I'll just put my arms up like, ready to block anything she might do to me.
Kyle: So, you’re just gonna stay in that melee combat and brace yourself for the worst? Which if that wraps up your round we’re gonna move onto Raz’ul.
Goodrich: Okay so, Raz’ul flips his guitar around Sum 41 style and I’m gonna cast thunder wave which is a bard spell so I’m gonna play it here.
Goodrich: So I look at Rhiannon and say- [singing, playing guitar] You better know it, it’s electric! Boogie-woogie-woogie. You can’t hold it, it’s electric! Boogie-woogie-woogie, but you know it’s there. Thunder wave without a care, yeah. [Music stops] And I was thinking whenever the “It’s electric! Boogie-woogie-woogie, that Yashee and Randy appear from off screen and go, “It’s electric! Boogie-woogie-woogie" but in an audio medium that doesn’t work.
Kyle: Yeah, that doesn’t play out.
Goodrich: But I’ll sing it so, um-
Kyle: I’d also be remiss not to mention that, thunder is not..electricity..
Goodrich: Oh no..
Kyle: It is..vibration..
Kyle: If you want to keep it that’s fine, I'm just letting you know.
Goodrich: [Laughing] Does my spell still work?
[Players laughter continues]
Kyle: No, no it’s gonna work! I’m just saying for the content of what you’re singing for the people listening- they'll be like, oh thunder isn’t like lightening so it’s not electric.
Kyle: You know? You do whatever you want man, I'm just- I'm not trying to rain on your parade [chuckles].
Kyle: A little on point there. Thunder and lightning- they differ and-
Goodrich: Okay, okay!
Kyle: And it’s a confusion often made. It pushes them back-
Kyle: So, whatever you could do with that-
Goodrich: Okay, okay okay! How about instead I do this? [Guitar begins to play, all laugh]
Spurrier: Awesome, yeah real good.
Goodrich: [Singing] It’s a thunder wave, a thunder wave-
Kyle & Goodrich: So, push it real good!
Goodrich: [Singing] A thunder wave, a thunder wave-
All: So, push it real good!
Goodrich: Yeah, so that’s what I’m doing! I’ll push her back so-
Kyle: Alright so-
Goodrich: Let me finally read what thunder wave does!
Kyle: I know I need to make a constitution save.
Goodrich: Yeah so- so it’s a wave of thunderous force sweeps out from me. Each creature in a fifteen foot cube originating from you needs to make a constitution saving throw. She's fifteen feet away right?
Kyle: Yes. Yashee, you need to give me a constitution saving throw.
Goodrich: Oh, and on a successful save-
Kyle: they take half damage.
Goodrich: Sorry, Yashee.
Ali: That is a ten plus one.
Kyle: What’s your spell save DC?
Ali & Goodrich: Thirteen.
Kyle: Okay, so go ahead and roll your damage.
Ali: I do have my arms up in like a-
Kyle: He’s behind you-
Ali: Oooh! Yashee!
Spurrier: [Laughs] Knock you face-first into your mallets.
Goodrich: I should next time read what the spells does before I-
Ali: Maybe I’ll be pushed hard enough that I can like hit her with all the force of my mallets.
Goodrich: [Chuckles] I got a six and a seven, and so that’ll be a thirteen.
Kyle: Okay so uh, you bust out your thunder wave spell and play it up and this force of thunder just emits from you and hits Yashee and Rhiannon. And Rhiannon is taken back just a little bit but stays on her feet and slides back only a few inches. Unfortunately, Yashee, not being able to see this you are caught off guard by Raz’ul’s spell and you are pushed ten feet forward. Does it say if it knocks the person prone?
Kyle: Okay then, Yashee you get pushed ten feet forward passed Rhiannon and you’re essentially- you're behind her now.
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): That was my plan all along, get you on the other side of her!
Kyle: And you take thirteen damage as you are hit by this thunderous wave.
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): That..not so much part of the plan!
Kyle: So, the spell successful against Yashee; unfortunately, not so much on Rhiannon. Uh, anything else in your turn sir?
Goodrich:[Ali laughing] Is there like- is there like an apology spell?
Goodrich: I didn’t mean to hurt Yashee!
Spurrier: An apology check.
Kyle: You have movement available to you at this point.
Goodrich: I use my movement to like, slowly put my hand up over my mouth like-
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Ooh..no..
Goodrich: That’s my move.
Kyle: Alright, we’re back to Rhiannon’s turn. Randy, at this point you’re standing- you moved back probably thirty feet away from her, probably closer to Symbol than anyone else. But she kind of watches Yashee get pushed passed her and is still reacting to being slid back by Raz’ul’s thunder wave spell but she’s still keeping her eyes on you. And she’s like-
Kyle(as Rhiannon): You’re not going to be able to move far enough to get away from me Randall.
Kyle: And takes her quarter staff and just jabs it forward and you see like, the air in front of it start to compress. I need you to give me a strength saving throw.
Spurrier: Ah, just what little Randy is so good at!
Spurrier: That is a nine plus nothing, nine.
Kyle: And that is not going to pass unfortunately.
Goodrich: Oh boy.
Kyle: Uh so uh-
Kyle: You’re standing there and you’re like, “Uh I don’t know what’s about to happen.” You haven’t seen Rhiannon manifest this power before but you see the air compress in front of her quarter staff and she juts it at you and there’s this column of air that looks like it’s just traveling right towards you and, hits you square on in the chest. You take fourteen bludgeoning damage.
Kyle: And it pushes you back- you literally like, fly off the ground. You’re pushed back twenty feet through the air passed Symbol-[someone laughs] and you just like, skid on the ground and you’re left prone.
Kyle: Now, you’ll have to use half of your movement to get up this next round.
Kyle: Which, speaking of which she’s gonna go ahead and do her next move after jutting that column of air towards you, she’s gonna swing her quarter staff around- Yashee, does a sixteen hit?
Ali: Oh yeah!
Kyle: Okay, and you’re gonna take..
Ali: Oh, yeah..
Kyle: You take twelve damage as she swings the long end around and it winds up cracking you in the back of the head cause you’re still facing away, you haven’t turned around yet. She kind of stands up for a moment and stretches and cracks her neck a little bit, and kind of looks at Raz’ul and she’s like-
Kyle(as Rhiannon): Why don’t you play me another one, see how it goes?
Kyle: So- and we’re gonna move on to Randy, your turn. You are prone behind Symbol.
Spurrier: How far am I from Symbol?
Kyle: You’re about fifteen feet from Symbol, fifty feet away from Rhiannon, and maybe like thirty from Raz’ul.
Spurrier: Okay, so if I have twenty-five movement that wouldn’t get me enough to get behind Symbol.
Kyle: You could get to Symbol, yeah.
Spurrier: Oh Symbol-
Kyle: Yeah you’re fifteen feet away to get to Symbol.
Spurrier: So, I’m gonna get up and I’m gonna go and hide behind Symbol cause I have my halfling stealthy move.
Spurrier: Since I’m so far away from her I’m just gonna shoot her with my uh, bow.
Spurrier: That is an eighteen plus six.
Kyle: That is going to hit.
Spurrier: Awesome! Alright, that’s going to be 1d6 plus three. [Rolls dice] That is a three plus three, six.
Kyle: Okay, I’m gonna roll this one in front of ya’ll and we’re gonna see what happens. [Rolls dice] What I got on there?
Spurrier: A one! [Ali laughs] Yee haw!
Kyle: Okay, so you fire off your short bow and you- you know there’s deadly accuracy behind your shot. But she’s at the point where she whips her quarter staff around to hit Yashee in the back of the head and as the arrow is traveling towards her, you see her hand come up and she just snatches it out of the air right in front of her face at the last moment and she just breaks it. And she’s like-
Kyle(as Rhiannon): Randall, Randall are you ever going to learn that that won't work on me?
Spurrier(as Randy): It’ll work eventually, you’ll see!
Goodrich: Who is this freakin’ tranch man! Get her out of here! [Someone laughs]
Kyle(as Rhiannon): Keep on testing me, Randall, I told you it could have been easier.
Kyle: Alright and we are going to move on to Yashee, unless Randy anything else?
Spurrier: Uh, I guess because I chose to do that the spell is over? I'm out of range too.
Kyle: Yeah, yeah the spell would be over, yeah.
Spurrier: Okay, cool.
Ali: Alright so, I'm going to use my thunder tap shoes-
Ali: And start kind of tapping um, a tasty beat out and aimed at Rhiannon so..[tapping]
Goodrich: [Chuckles] You’re like Cab Calloway.
Spurrier: Extra, extra.
Goodrich: Yeah! Yashee has tap shoes!
Kyle: So that’s another thunder wave so that merits a constitution save. Which since she’s not looking at you she actually failed that one so she’s gonna get pushed forward ten feet. Go ahead and roll me your damage.
Ali: That would be 2d8. [Rolls dice] So that’s a six and a three.
Kyle: Alright, so you start to tap, tap tap tap tap, until it makes a loud clap and this energy just emanates from your feet forward. You can see the ground kicked up and dirt starts to unsettle and everything. As it hits her in the back, she’s pushed forward.
Goodrich: You literally tapped up a storm.
Ali: There’s [something] on my toes.
Kyle: Oooh! And we’re gonna move to Raz’ul, you’re up.
Goodrich: So Kyle, Yashee is no longer within fifteen feet of me right?
Kyle: No she’s not-
Goodrich: And Randy is similar back there?
Goodrich: Not within range? Okay cool. So, I look over at Rhiannon and I kind of grin at her and I say-
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Hey Yashee? I told you this was all part of my plan right?
Goodrich: And I start to- I'm gonna cast thunderwave but I’m gonna cast it as a third level spell.
Goodrich: So, this time since it’s a third level spell I- [Plays a heavier guitar riff] and we all saaaay-
All: Thunderwave! Ahh, aah, aah, thunderwave!
Goodrich: Okay so uh, same deal as last time, but this time- ah, did it- did it hit? I should…
Kyle: It hits but the constitution save is what gets it and- different song, this explosive force emanates and catches her off guard and she’s like, puushed back! [Goodrich laughs] And she’s gonna take full damage on that one.
Ali: She’s coming back at me now?
Kyle: Yeah, she’s heading back in your direction now-
Ali: Any chance because she’s coming towards me I can make an opportunity type attack since she’s on her way? Just kind of take my maul and baseball her?
Kyle: Uh, no cause she’s not moving like, out of your attack of- yeah-
Kyle: I know I understand, never hurts to ask.
Ali: Cause she’s only ten feet away from me.
Kyle: The only way you could reach somebody that’s ten feet away from you is if you have like a pole arm, like a quarter staff, halberd or something like of the sorts. Raz’ul’s thunderwave pushed her ten feet back so like, she’s just ping-ponging-
Ali: Ping-ponging, yeah.
Goodrich: So now when I cast this spell using a spell slot of second level or higher the damage is increased by 1d8 for every slot above first level.
Kyle: 3d8 please.
Goodrich: It’s 2d8 originally then second level, then third level-
Kyle: Oh dang! Okay then yeah, 4d8.
Goodrich: Okay three, two, one roll!
[Multiple dice rolling]
Spurrier: And I got a six.
Goodrich: I got a one and a seven.
Goodrich & Ali: Eighteen!
Ali: Nicely done.
Kyle: An explosive blast hits her and you can see the mask she was wearing kind of gets blown off by this force and it like, mess up her hair. And you see part of her hair like fly off the part that was covering her face and you can see like, really bad scarring hidden up underneath this and what not. You can tell there was some kind of freak accident. Uh-
Goodrich: [Singing] The phantom of the opera is here! [piano begins to play “Phantom of the Opera”]
Kyle: But she’s pushed back into Yashee’s space and it is here turn. [Music stops] Now that we’re back at the top of the round. And she’s going to make an attack with her quarter staff again. [Rolls dice] Yashee, does a sixteen hit you?
Kyle: Okay, so as she’s sliding back she uses the momentum of being pushed to uh- to get the quarter staff square into your chest. You take-
Ali: Noo [groans]
Kyle: You wind up taking eight damage as it hits you in the chest and she kind of like, leaps forward a little bit in a very acrobatic manner. This does provoke and attack of opportunity so Yashee, if you’d like to make and attack, you can, you have this opportunity to do that.
Ali: Okay then I’m just gonna try to like crack her over the face like-
Ali: With my maul.
Kyle: Go ahead and roll me an attack roll.
Ali: Eleven so that’s plus six, so seventeen.
Kyle: That meets so go ahead and- you hit.
Kyle: Go ahead and roll your damage.
Spurrier: Right on the edge.
Kyle: Gotta meet it or beat it-
Goodrich: [Singing] Of glory!
Ali: 2d6 [rolls dice], okay that’s four plus two plus my strength is nine.
Kyle: Alright, as she’s stepping forward she gets hit by Yashee and is like- kind of has to do another acrobatics maneuver to kind of stabilize herself but, you see her quarter staff lurch forward and gets the very end of it, whips around and from ten feet away does an attack on Raz’ul. Does a twenty-six hit you?
Kyle: Yes, uh and you take thirteen damage as you- as her quarter staff contacts with the side of your face-
Goodrich: I say, ahh! Not in the face!
Kyle: That would be the end of her turn-
Goodrich: Wait can I do that? Can I say, “Not in the face!”
Kyle: Yeah, you say that.
Goodrich: But does she still hits me in the face?
Kyle: Totally, yeah.
Spurrier: Your voice jumps up and octave.
Kyle: You say it as it’s coming so there’s no stopping-
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Not in the face!
Kyle: Not in the fa- [grunts] so that would be the end of Rhiannon’s turn, we’re back to Randy. You're still hiding behind Symbol and he kind of like scoots to the side and looks at you and he’s just like-
Kyle(as Symbol): Hey Randy.
Spurrier(as Randy): Yees?
Kyle(as Symbol): Check out your organ real quick, man.
Spurrier(as Randy): [Gasps, in awe] Oooh!
Kyle(as Symbol): This might be a learning opportunity for all of us-
Spurrier(as Randy): It’s always a learning opportunity.
Kyle(as Symbol): Excellent yes, be sure to show some restraint in the words you choose, but get the others on board.
Spurrier(as Randy): Alright-
Kyle(as Symbol): Look out there, look on the field of battle. You can see the glow coming from Raz’ul guitar, he’s amped it up. Look at Yashee’s mallets, she hasn’t been using them but-
Spurrier(as Randy): Ripped, roaring and ready to go?
Kyle(as Symbol): Yeah, so get out there man.
Spurrier: Alright, so Randy steps out from behind Symbol and just holds up his organ above his head-
Spurrier: With the light shining and just goes-
Spurrier(as Randy): [singing] It’s tiiime!
Kyle: Alright, Randy steps out in all of his glory holding his organ up high giving a clear indication of what is about to happen.
Goodrich: [Laughing] Randy channels John Cusack with his organ like, above his head?
Spurrier: Got my boom box going.
Kyle: Mm, nice!
Goodrich: Um, yeah so I turn around and I see Randy standing so magnificently with his organ raised and I just..nod.
Ali: Like it’s- yes! I look over and I’m like-
Ali(as Yashee): Oh, yeah!
Ali: Whip out my hammer mallets, put my maul away and I start nodding too.
Ali(as Yashee): [Whispering] Let’s do it.
Goodrich: I reach down for the volume nob on usumptin and crank it up just a little higher-
Kyle: To eleven?
Goodrich: Yeah, to eleven. Of course.
[Electronic music plays]
Kyle: We got our new little catapults here that we’re gonna use to launch this chord dice. Ya’ll ready to launch?
[All agree excitedly]
Kyle: Three, two, one. [Multiple dice rolling, instruments make noise as they’re hit]
Goodrich: Mine went- man-
Goodrich: Let’s see so we have-
Kyle: C at the beginning and the end-
Goodrich: Yeah, we have C and then we have D minor, G, E minor and A minor so it’s uh-
Goodrich: It’s on like Donkey Kong-
Ali: Lotta options!
Kyle: Gonna be a real chord progressional song.
Ali: Alright I gotta roll my-
Goodrich: Oh yeah-
Ali: My drums. Okay [coin hits the table] that’s a tails.
Spurrier: So the user-
Ali: Let’s see, so my pattern is going to be..eleven, that’s a techno four.
Ali: Okay, and the kit is..
Ali: Fifty-seven, rock four!
[Players excitedly talk over eachother]
Kyle: Rockin’ techno.
Kyle: Hey everyone, it’s your dungeon maestro Kyle here just wanted to say thank you for joining us again, we’re always glad to have you back at the table listening. If you’re wanting to keep in touch with us or follow us in any way, head over to Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook and search us up. Type in BomBARDed cast you’ll find us on there and if you want to share this podcast with your friends, go ahead and put it on out there and use the hashtag #bardcast, we super appreciate that. Another thing we appreciate is if you’re listening through Apple Podcast rate, review and subscribe that’s gonna help us get a little bit more visibility as a new podcast it just- you know, helps us climb that ladder a little bit more.
But if you’re wanting more of Lindby we have our website, head over to lindbymusic.com. Lindby spelled, L-I-N-D-B-Y and you can follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook under those as well. We’re gonna go ahead and head back to the podcast and hear what our bards have rustled up. Later!
Spurrier: Okay so, with Randy’s organ all glowing he pulls it down and begins to play.
[Electronic keyboard begins to play, joined shortly by drums and guitar]
Spurrier(singing): Student, becomes the master; a disaster. Soon you’ll know the sauce is so chaotic; now hypnotic, like a narcotic. When we sing to you-
All(singing): No going ba-ack, No going ba-ack, No going ba-ack, No going ba-ack. Rhiannon, you came to rob us, but you can’t stop us. We’ll take that staff and snap it into pieces. Your strength decreases, your effort ceases. When we sing to you no going ba-ack, no going ba-ack, no going ba-ack, no going ba-ack.
[Music continues in the background]
Kyle: Okay so are you’re casting your musical, magical spell; you notice her eyelids beging to kind of sink and she starts to look really tired and- she goes to take a step back but just can’t seem to lift her foot up. She kind of looks like confused, she kind of shakes her head and looks at her quarter staff and just tosses it at Raz’ul feet. After that she just falls to a pile in the ground, just slumps over and is just like- doodling, drawing something in the dirt on the ground, kind of like looking over at Randy once in a while.
Goodrich: I grab her staff.
Kyle: Okay. At this point Symbol kind of gets up and he’s walking over and he’s just- [slow clapping, music fades to a stop]
Kyle(as Symbol): Alright, alright great job. You seemed to have resolved this in some way and you didn’t just incinerate, mash and destroy something so-
Spurrier(as Randy): That would have been fine too but-
Kyle(as Symbol): I mean if you think so-
Kyle: And Symbol begins talking to you about little things, things that you could have said specifically-
Kyle(as Symbol): You did a really good job-
[Players thank him]
Kyle(as Symbol): There’s things that we could revise so you know like- Yashee, don’t be afraid to tap into the other side of what you know, your barbaric side. You know, you can use that influence in your music and you know- say you wanted to restrain somebody, you could bear hug them-
Ali(as Yashee): Oh!
Kyle(as Symbol): But with music-
Ali(as Yashee): Oh okay, I gotcha.
Goodrich: Hug them with the music!
Kyle(as Symbol): And Raz’ul, you could introduce some of the nature that you know about and your druidic effects and try to weave that in. You know, bring in your past experiences into your music. Well I mean, that’s just a song writing tip in general.
Goodrich: [Laughing] Right.
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Thanks Splash.
Kyle(as Symbol): And these are ways you can improve it, and Randy-
Kyle: And Randy as he’s starting to talk to you and explain the benefits and the other ways that you can go about improving your contribution to the ensemble your concentration kind of fades. Normally I’d have Yashee and Raz’ul leave for this but I think I'm gonna have you guys stick around this time.
[Players are excitedly shocked]
Kyle: So, Randy your concentration starts to fade and you just start to hear a kind of-
Kyle(as Unknown): [Groans] Hey, Randy! I can finally stretch my feet a little more now that you’ve been using a little bit more of me uh, no more whispers I can actually talk to ya now. How’ve you been, Randy?
Spurrier(as Randy): Uhhm?
Kyle(as Eddie): It’s your old buddy Eddie, remember?
Spurrier & Goodrich: Oh!
Spurrier(as Randy): Now it makes a little more sense.
Kyle(as Eddy): Yeah, yeah I've been quiet for a while I know but- man it looks like you got yourself in quite a predicament here. Looks like one of those Nowhere Man kinda got on your tail, huh?
Spurrier(as Randy): Uh, yeah but- but I think we’ve got it handled you can just uh, punch out-
Kyle(as Eddie): Man, isn’t that the one that uh.. Always called you Randall just to kind of irk you a little bit?
Spurrier(as Randy): Yeah a little bit but, you see how she is on the ground. I think I've more than compensated for that-
Kyle(as Eddie): Oh Randy, you know these people better than that. You know that this is the opportunity to strike otherwise..they’ll just keep coming. Go ahead and take care of it now. Why even leave a loose end like that? You know you can do it. It’s so easy, you know you’ve got that family dagger, the only thing you have left from what they took from you. Use it. [Forceful] Come on, Randy.
Spurrier: And so, naturally I'm trying to fight back against this but uh-I contest!
Kyle: Yeah if you’re- go ahead and give me a wisdom saving throw real quick.
Spurrier: Oh boy, alright! [Sighs]
Goodrich: Oh geez..
Ali: Be so wise.
Goodrich: [Groans distraught]
Spurrier: Okay well, that’s a two!
Ali: [Groans] No..
Kyle: Oh, excellent!
Goodrich: Is there like a thing like, Ali and I can do as characters? Like, Yashee and Raz’ul- since we’ve been gone do we see anything weird happen?
Kyle: No you’re- you’re pretty much paying attention to your teacher-
Goodrich: Oh yeah.
Kyle: You don’t know that any of this is happening cause it’s all happening inside Randy’s head.
Spurrier: And presumably I'm talking in my head, not speaking out.
Kyle: Yeah no you talk to yourself in your head, that’s why you like kind of faded out. And you know, you’re trying to contest this in your mind and Eddie just says-
Kyle(as Eddie): No no no, get this done Randy. Just go ahead and get it done before anybody has a chance to do otherwise.
Kyle: Randy, you make your way over to Rhiannon and walk up to her and, as you approach you draw one of your family daggers that you have. And you’re walking up to her and she kind of just looks up, you know, still kind of looking like, frail from the song that you all just cast. She's just looking at you and she’s doodling something on the ground, and you go up and you start to pull the coup de grâce move across her neck. Yashee and Raz’ul, Symbol is talking to you and he stops for a moment and he’s like-
Kyle(as Symbol): [Panicked] Randy, what are you doing!?
Kyle: And you both turn to look at the same time and you both see like, Randy grabbing Rhiannon by her hair and going to pull a knife across her- and you see Rhiannon’s face kind of like, shake and she’s like-
Kyle(as Rhiannon): [Yells] No!
Kyle: She puts her hand up between the blade and Randy’s knife and Randy just digs in and cuts through two of her fingers-
[Players groan in disgust]
Kyle: As they fall to the ground. And she’s able to push Randy back and you kind of come to and realize what you’re doing as there’s blood on your dagger and you see Rhiannon there with like two fingers missing and blood coming from down her hand, and she’s like-
Kyle(as Rhiannon): I’m surprised at you, Randall. I can’t believe that you would go this far. You realize that there’s no going back after this. We'll be coming for you.
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): I mean, you heard the song right?
Ali: That’s intense.
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): What the heck!
Kyle: Everybody- everybody give me a constitution check. [Goodrich laughs]
[Multiple dice rolling]
Ali: I got thirteen plus one, fourteen.
Spurrier: A four plus one, five.
Goodrich: Seventeen plus one, eighteen.
Kyle: Randy you’re sitting there- you're the closest to Rhiannon and she does like, a sweet like, break dance move and gets up and-
Goodrich: [Laughing] She break dances to get up!?
[Players laughing and talking over each other, amused]
Kyle: A little blood like flies out from her hand and what not. She gets up and throws down this device and there’s this blinding light that appears in your face and you are blinded for like a minute. Uh, Raz’ul and Yashee, you see this coming- you’re able to shield your eyes a little bit, and it’s still really blurry but you can catch the faint image of what you can imagine being Rhiannon retreating. By the time your vision comes back to, she’s no where to be found.
Goodrich: Are her fingers still there?
Ali: Wiggling on the ground..
Kyle: Oh yeah, fingers are still there. And Randy’s still on the ground like covering his eyes, screaming as he’s been blinded he’s like, “I can’t see! I can’t see!”
Ali: Let’s head over and check on him.
Goodrich: We both run over, I guess?
Ali: I’m going.
Goodrich: Does Symbol come over too?
Ali: I’m like, Randy oh my gosh!
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): What the heck, dude! Like-
Spurrier: I’m still rolling on the ground like, uncontrollably. Like, I can’t even make speech- kind of in shock.
Goodrich: Uh okay, can we roll like a comfort check? Like to calm him down or-
Spurrier: I mean is it going to wear off-
Kyle: Yeah it’ll wear off. Randy seems unresponsive and he’s kind of just rolling around covering his eyes like- [groans painfully]. And after about a minute of that he finally like, kind of settles down and starts rubbing his eyes and you see like, they are just like pin point- super small. Like, you know, what happens when you see a bright light.
Kyle: So they are pin point and they are slowly starting to dilate back out and he kind of like, comes to and he looks at you two in the face and looks down at his dagger and sees the blood on it. And Randy you’re kind of like- it's a little blurry for you as to what just happened. You have an inkling but-
Spurrier(as Randy): I.. what did I do?
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): I mean, you just straight up walked over there, man.
Ali(as Yashee): Cut her fingers off!
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Yeah! It was pretty gnarly-
Goodrich: And then I look to my side like-
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): [Gasp, shocked] And there they are!
Kyle: Yeah you see her fingers lying on the ground.
Goodrich: Which fingers?
Kyle: Uh, it is the index and middle of her left hand.
Ali: I think I’m gonna pick them up and put them in a little baggy or something.
Kyle: Okay, you- go ahead and add two fingers to your inventory.
Spurrier: You could pickle that.
Goodrich: Anyway back to you, Randy-
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Randy, what the heck!
Spurrier(as Randy): Yeah, I-
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): No, you went over there man and you uh, and you straight looked like you tried to kill her.
Spurrier(as Randy): I guess I-
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Like, I dunno that’s what I was seeing from where we were.
Spurrier(as Randy): I don’t know what I was doing! I- I wasn’t in control of what I was doing.
Ali(as Yashee): What do you mean you weren’t in control?
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Yeah, dude.
Spurrier(as Randy): I..oh, I..we can’t talk about this now.
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): I mean, I think we should kind of should talk about it now. This is a big deal, man.
Ali(as Yashee): If you weren’t in control of yourself then who was?
Kyle(as Symbol): It seems like you didn’t have a problem with killing her earlier.
Spurrier & Goodrich:..Oh, are you Splash?
Kyle: I’m Symbol yeah, yeah! Symbol interjects and he says-
Kyle(as Symbol): You know if reference to the song earlier it seems like you didn’t have a problem with offing her.
Spurrier(as Randy): That’s true, but I would have liked to choose to kill her if I was gonna do it.
Kyle(as Symbol): So you didn’t..choose?..
Spurrier: And at this point Randy just turns and walks back to the carriage cause he’s just in shock.
Goodrich: Okay, I yell after you-
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): [Yelling] You remember Tabitha, man!? You remember when we saw Tabitha, what happened to her? Is that-
Spurrier: No- I just keep on walking.
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): [Sighs, yelling] What, you think this is some kind of game!?
[All pause and then burst out laughing]
Kyle: Aw, damnit Goodrich!
Goodrich: So I guess- I um, I turn to Splash-
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Yo, do you know about this?
Kyle(as Symbol): I would know as much as you two do. You know, Randy is a new student to me and I’m not sure what history those two may have had or what may have provoked such a reaction. Um, granted knowing what I know about the Nowhere Man I’d say if you can end an encounter with them dying you’re better off than ninety-nine, maybe a hundred percent of the other people who have encountered them.
Ali(as Yashee): It’s true, I’m never opposed to getting a bad guy out of here- taking care of them here.
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): I mean, I just don’t want it to be one of us, right? I mean, we’re just minding our own business and then-
Ali(as Yashee): True.
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): I know, this is lousy right? Splash, I mean-
Kyle(as Symbol): I mean, it’s certainly upsetting to know that one of you may not be in control of yourself at all times.
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Mhmmmm.
Kyle(as Symbol): But it’s certainly hard to encounter a hurdle like this between band mates so early on.
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): What? Drama in a band? Nooo.
Kyle(as Symbol): Oh absolutely not-
Kyle(as Symbol): That’s why I toured around as just myself for so long.
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Oooh! Right, quippy, nice.
Kyle(as Symbol): Well regardless I think we should get on and keep moving just to get away from this area. Um, Yashee I saw that you grabbed those fingers. Perhaps good to keep some kind of evidence of any kind of quarrel in this area down in case-
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): CSI Beetzart breaks out.
Kyle(as Symbol): Well I’m more concerned if Rhiannon tried to return, maybe track down where we were headed after recuperating.
Ali(as Yashee): I was just going to keep them as a souvenir but, I guess if we need them.
Kyle(as Symbol): No, I-
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Keep your fingers, Yashee. I’m gonna take this staff, hopefully Randy doesn’t mind? Uhhh..
Kyle: Okay, you have a- you pick it up, it’s a quarter staff; it has a bunch of little inscriptions on it that you can’t make any sense of.
Goodrich: Okay, well-
Kyle(as Symbol): If you don’t have any more questions for me I’m gonna get Mitch taken care of.
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Mitch?
Kyle(as Symbol): Yeah, our driver.
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Oh!
Kyle(as Symbol): You didn’t learn his name?
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Uh no, uh-
Kyle(as Symbol): Mitch is great.
Goodrich(as Raz’ul): I said I have an itch.
Kyle(as Symbol): Oh.
Kyle: Roll me a deception check!
Goodrich: [Rolls dice] Ohh..so uh, five plus three, eight.
Kyle: He’s just like-
Kyle(as Symbol): If you’ve got an itch, scratch it man. I’m gonna take care of Mitch, get back in the carriage, get nestled in. We're gonna try to, you know, boost it on down the trail; try to get down there a little quicker.
Kyle: Randy, how are you in the carriage? You’ve been in the carriage for like a minute or so by yourself as you- give me a perception check real quick, actually.
Spurrier: [Rolls dice] Eleven plus three, fourteen.
Kyle: Okay, you can hear most of the conversation that goes on so you’re privy to everything that’s been discussed so far, and you can hear Yashee and Raz’ul approaching the carriage door and you know they’re getting back in the carriage-
Spurrier: Right before they get in there, I cast sleep on myself.
Kyle: Okay, yeah you just- you two walk in and you see Randy, he is just out.
Goodrich: Okay, wouldn’t that be nice to have? In like real life?
Kyle: Okay and as you’re getting settled into the carriage you hear Symbol outside. You know, he addresses Mitch, makes sure he’s all good to go and talks to him for a moment, gets the horses set up then you hear him cast a certain type of spell and gets back into the carriage after casting the spell and is like-
Kyle(as Symbol): Okay, go ahead and bed down for the night and we should hopefully get there a little bit quicker than anticipated. Just a little bit of haste on them horses might quicken the journey, especially after what just happened so let’s GTFO, yo.
Ali(as Yashee): Yeah, we’re finally on the road back to Basom.
Kyle: That’s right, we’ll end it there, thanks for joining again. Byee!
Transcription by: Gabi Cardone @peachdoodles