Ep. 5 – Getting Schooled, Mvt. I

Kyle: Hey all you crazy listeners out there, welcome back to BomBARDed [blows raspberry]

[Theme song plays]

Kyle: Hey everyone, welcome back to BomBARDed, thanks for joining us again. Last time our characters found their way out of Wesley’s entrapment and along the way they found some interesting items and a portable hole. Of course, Yashee dipped in to get those items and our rogue and our druid- well, both of them bards too, wound up playing a bit of a trick, ended up closing her in there causing a little bit of claustrophobic anxiety and trauma, but after that they got their stuff together and left Wesley’s, took the horse with them. Raz’ul along the way becoming a bear and then deciding “eh, this probably isn’t going to work out next to horse.” And changed over to a mule instead.

Goodrich: Yeah but, not like I had a choice.

[Players laugh]

Kyle: There was a meteor that streaked across the sky heading south and that was an interesting event. Something that doesn’t happen too often. Once you got back to Strumlotts you were requested to come to the headmistress's office and once you found your way there you heard her berating Symbol inside. Which, man as I’ve been writing this- it’s so funny that ya’ll wanna call him Splash because every time I’ve almost written Splash and I’m like, “No Kyle that’s not his name.”

Goodrich: Sorry, Kyle!

[All laugh]

Kyle: No, no, no it’s fine! Maybe it’ll happen but-

Spurrier: It’s working.

[All laugh]

Kyle: It’s definitely messing with me but, so anyway yeah. He was in the headmistress's office and she was berating him for you know, not following the protocol of the school. So ya’ll went in, you met with the headmistress, Alola Greenspire. Got to know her a little bit, realize that Symbol wasn’t following the guidelines and she sent him away to study the teacher’s packet and everything. But you know, spoke with you, got to ya’ll a little bit individually and explain to ya’ll what happened in the cave at Wesley’s, that’s a higher level of magic that’s usually reserved for the people who make it into the upper class. So yeah, but you get the understanding that it can be a very dangerous form of magic if used willy-nilly as you’ve seen from your first use of it. But yeah, she let you know you have dorms so that you head there. Gives you the keys to them and says, “I gotta get to something so rest up, and Symbol will get with ya’ll shortly.” So- Before we get to that I’m gonna say ya’ll have leveled up to level 2 Bard.

[Player’s enthusiastically cheer]

Kyle: All character levels give you a boost in your proficiency, you get the class feat Jack of All Trades. Which gives you like a blanket of skill points if you’re not proficient in them.

Goodrich: Cool!

Kyle: Let's roll some hit dice. What is it for a bard? A d8 right?

Spurrier: a d8.

Kyle: So, go ahead and roll a d8 let's see what everybody gets.

[Dice Rolls]

Goodrich: Seven!

Ali: Five.

Spurrier: Seven.

Kyle: Oh, and if you don’t know, PC’s get hit dies for every level they have and it’s basically just a way for them to be able to regain hit points. They can use them as like tokens, it’s like spending a dice to be able to regain health. Alright so where does that put ya’ll at for maximum hit points?

Ali: I’ve got fifty-four.

Spurrier: Randy’s got fourty-eight.

Goodrich: Aw, so does Raz’ul.

Spurrier: (singing) Niice.

Kyle: Alright so yeah, add that and your constitution. Ya’ll also get another spell in your bard area, we’ll see what those are later and sure you’ll bust them out whenever you feel like it. So yeah that’s pretty much- I think that’s all there is in the leveling process for you all.

Goodrich: Story time!

Kyle: So yeah, let's move along. There are little plaques on the wall that kind of show you were to go to head to the dorms, so ya’ll wind up finding your way there. You walk into the large area, there’s this obvious kind of hang out room at the base and there’s these large elevators that are around, and you see there’s like four different spires. There’s one that looks like a flute, one that looks like a clarinet, one that looks like an oboe, and one that looks like a bassoon. So, you look on your keycard and you notice it says bizoon- uh, bizoon..

[All laugh]

Kyle: Kazoo! No. It says bass- bass- man..

Goodrich: Is it a bassoon Kyle!?

Kyle: It is a bassoon!

[All laugh]

Kyle: It says bassoon, I’ll get it eventually. You look at the card and it says, “Bassoon: Floor 3, Pad 4.”

Goodrich: Okay.

Kyle: And you all get into the elevator shaped like a bassoon, and make your way up. Key works perfectly fine, you’re able to get in, there’s a nice little hang out area, you got some couches and a small little cooking area if ya’ll need it. There’s the main hang out room and of course you all have your own each individual room that split off from this area. So, ya’ll hang out there for a while, anything ya’ll wanna put on the walls or decorate up your dorm room?

Spurrier: Randy’s got a lot of rogue rock posters. [Kyle laughs] Got all that up there.

Goodrich: [laughing] Who’s in rogue rock?

Spurrier: Oh no, it’s just a genre.

Goodrich: Oh, I see!

Spurrier: It’s a bunch of different bands.

Kyle: What’s a band in rogue rock?

Spurrier: Oh...The Roguing Stones

Kyle: Oh shit, yeah [laughs].

Goodrich: Stealing Dan.

Spurrier: Stealing Dan is good too!

[Everyone laughs and agrees loudly]

Spurrier: I’ve got multiple! The only other thing that- because Randy was being a rogue, he didn’t have a lot of stuff he just has a little box that has a wood carving of the Hemp Hills on it. Sort of like an artist just sitting out looking at them would- yeah. So he’s got little personal in all of it, but that’s it. That and posters.

Kyle: Cool.

Spurrier: Just keeping in simple.

Ali: I put up a couple bands that I like, one band I found when I was out on the road was The Pixies.

Goodrich: Naturally.

[All laugh]

Ali: Folksy tunes, also like this really hard rocking orc group called The Uni-Korn.

[Players start to laugh]

Ali: Uni-Korn.

[All laugh]

Ali: And then right above my bed on the ceiling I’ve got, [laughs] the hottest elf out there, James Vandersneak.

[All laugh]

Ali: Famous rogue.

[Laughing continues]

Goodrich: Okay- Oh man.. Well Raz’ul’s got- so I’ve got a vintage travel destination poster of Mt. Tain on my wall, you know made me think of home. I have a bard that I really got into when I was little, kind of made me want to play. Their name was Fern Golly.

[All laugh]

Goodrich: And it’s kind of like- their sound is like Nick Drake meets David Bowie, kind of with a hint of Willy Nelson and, Fern Golly is known for being this androgynous kind of character, you don’t really know if they’re a guy or a girl or even what race. Are they half elf? Are they full elf? So it’s kind of cool and Raz’ul was really taken by it. So, when I was in the forest and Fern was passing through on the way to the next gig and I told Fern I was a huge fan and Fern gave me a signed drawing of Fern Golly and I was like, “Oh man that’s awesome.” And Fern also gave me a pinecone pick, which is like a pick made out of the little scales from a pinecone. Can you guess, Kyle? Which Tree it’s from?

Kyle: [softly] The pinecone pick..

Goodrich: The. Larch.

Kyle: Oh jeez..

Goodrich: Yup! Anyways so, I’m a big fan of Fern Golly. Aside from that, being in the forest so much Raz’ul actually learned how to make some DANK potpourri.

Kyle: Oh yeah?

Goodrich: With like, being a druid and working with all these natural smells and everything. Like he got really, really into it. And I’m talking like, all spice, cinnamon bark, lemon and orange peels, jujube, pinion pines-

[All make sounds of being impressed]

Goodrich: Pepper and juniper wood shavings to repell those moths. Yeah, friggin’ margarine, ginger peppermint. Obviously, not all at the same time. Like Raz’ul kind of gets into it-

Kyle: Yeah, you know how to make a good mixture.

Goodrich: Yeah, I do.

Kyle: There’s a craft- you have a craft skill.

Goodrich: Oh yeah!

Kyle: You can craft potpourri.

Goodrich: Yeah, absolutely! I mean I’m way into it- it's freakin’ straight up in your olfactory.

Kyle: Oh man.

Goodrich: You know what I’m saying? So, anyways, this first one I’m gonna do is: lemon peels, rosemary and, apple cinnamon sticks.

[Players approve]

Goodrich: Maybe a couple of split vanilla beans in there, saving the pods for bath salts you know.

Ali: Mhm.

Kyle: Yeah.

Ali: I’m just gonna add one thing cause I forgot about it. So, I have a spoon rack-

[All laugh]

Ali: Like the collectable spoons you see in people's houses I guess, but they’re like normal spoons, and they’re arranged by timbre.

Goodrich: Oh, nice!

Kyle: Alright, so yeah I mean, ya’ll pretty much have to wait for Symbol- Symbol will contact you, that’s what Alola told ya’ll so-

Goodrich: Can I call him on the ira glass just to see what happens? Cause I have to say, it's not really sitting well with me- Raz'ul, that it’s kind of been just glossed over that- what’s going on? I guess I could say to you guys-

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Hey, did it kind of feel like Alola maybe didn’t really want to answer the question about our powers?

[Players agree]

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Like, what’s going on with our instruments? Cause she kinda dodged it like “Oh how do you guys feel being at Strumlotts, what do you guys wanna do? I got stuff I gotta take care of.” Like-

Ali(as Yashee): Yeah, it seemed like she really didn’t want to touch on the subject with us.

Spurrier(as Randy): Yeah she seemed..she seemed passive, sneaky, stealthy even.

Goodrich: I wanna call up Splash. So I get out my ira glass and go-

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): [whispers] Splaash..

Kyle: Nobody answers!

Goodrich: Okay!

[All laugh]

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): [whispers] Symbool..

Kyle: and you hear-

Kyle(as Symbol): Yeah, what’s going on?

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Symbol, when we were talking to Alola about what’s going on with our stuff like, she kind of mentioned some stuff about it maybe being dangerous and getting people killed. Could you maybe elaborate more on what’s been going on? Give us an explanation maybe?

Kyle(as Symbol): Uh..yeah, gladly.

Kyle: Ya’ll can all kind of hear this coming from the ira glass-

Goodrich: We’re all huddled around close-

Kyle: Yeah, able to communicate in this as a group. Symbol’s just like-

Kyle(as Symbol): Well, what it is, is that now that you have- your instruments are attuned in a way to each other they’re able to produce extra magical abilities and, the way you describe and the way you phrase things in your verbal incantation or the words of your song are going to effect your target. Or effect the world around you- whatever you are trying to manipulate. So, it can be very dangerous. I didn’t realize ya’ll were going to be in a position where it would be used. I assumed ya’ll would just get the strings and turn back. For that I am sorry, that was not my intention.

Goodrich: Aw.

Kyle(as Symbol): Alola is correct in that matter that I may have inadvertently put your lives at risk.

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Well now I just feel bad.

Kyle(as Symbol): Well don’t feel bad, I’ve been reading a little bit of the guidelines and... hubris may not have served me well in the beginning, so I am sorry for that. I do apologize-

Spurrier(as Randy): Hey, Splash? Randy here.

Kyle(as Symbol): Hi Randy.

Spurrier(as Randy): Uhhmm..So you said that you weren’t expecting us to use it, you know that our instruments- Yashee and myself would respond in such a way with the sweet glowing orbs and, arcana and runes and things?

Kyle(as Symbol): I mean-

Spurrier(as Randy): Cause that is kind of crazy.

Kyle(as Symbol): Yeah, I did notice that your instruments... Looked different-

Spurrier(as Randy): Were you expecting it though?

Kyle(as Symbol): I wasn’t expecting ya’ll to be able to access it without a little bit of help.

Spurrier(as Randy): Okay.

Kyle(as Symbol): That’s what was surprising, is how natural it came without any guidance or aid.

Goodrich:(as Raz’ul): Hey, Splash?

Kyle(as Symbol): Raz’ul.

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Raz’ul back here, also I’m feeling some changes in my body. I think I might be level two now.

[Players laugh]

Kyle(as Symbol): Wha..what does that mean?

Ali: What is this feeling? So sudden and new!

Goodrich:(singing) What’s happening to our boodies?

[Laughter continues]

Kyle(as Symbol): It’s a tingling sensation when the bardic body is able to access more magic!

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Oooh!

Kyle(as Symbol): Is there any other questions? I apologize, I’m trying to get through this packet so we can get on to our next thing.

Goodrich: I just wanna get out and look around. I’m tired of being cooped up!

[Players agree]

Kyle(as Symbol): Alright guys, I’ll talk to ya’ll later.

All: Bye, Splash!

Kyle(as Symbol): Bye..damnit!

[Players cheer]

Kyle: Damnit, damnit! And you just- damnit!

[Players continue laughing]

Kyle(as Symbol): It’s Symbol!

Goodrich: [laughing] Okay!

All: Byee!

Kyle: Yeah, you don’t hear anything else after that. Give me a perception check. [Mumbling] Son of a..

[Dice rolls]

Ali: Mine is an eight plus one.

Kyle: Eight plus one..

Spurrier: Seventeen plus three.

Kyle: Ooh!

Goodrich: Six plus three- [disappointed] nine.

Kyle: Alright, Raz’ul and Yashee you’re just looking around the room about to head out the door. Randy, you notice a pamphlet on one of the desks nearby.

Spurrier(as Randy): (singing) Hey Guyys! Wanna take a look at this little pamphlet?

Ali(as Yashee): [excited] Ooh!

Spurrier(as Randy): Here, someone take a look!

Kyle: Randy hands ya’ll this and you see a layout of the school. You pretty much see the different areas you can go to. There’s the cafetorium, the library, commissary, practice rooms, resonance hall, and the basement/storage.

Spurrier(as Randy): Cool! Where do you guys wanna go? Basement looks cool.

[Players enthusiastically agree]

Spurrier(as Randy): Maybe there’s secret, secrets down there.

Ali(as Yashee): Maybe stop by the stop by the cafetorium on the way? I’m kind of hungry...

Spurrier(as Randy): Get fueled up for an adventure!

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Let's go! Let's do it! I wanna go outside man, I’m tired of being in this room.

Spurrier: So, do we need to go back down the bassoon?

Kyle: Yeah, ya’ll go back down and go back through the-

Spurrier: So, when we get on the elevator Randy says-

Spurrier(as Randy): Hey guys, check it  out.

Spurrier: And Randy pulls down his organ and- [plays Girl From Ipanema on a bassoon]

[All laugh and players approve enthusicastically]

Kyle: Aw man I should have expected that, perfect.

[Players and DM speaking over each other]

Goodrich and Spurrier: The bassoon from Ipanema.

Kyle: It was bound to happen bassooner or later.

All: Ooooh! [laughter]

Kyle: [groans] I hate myself almost.

Goodrich: I’m gonna- [Plays a guitar tune and players continue laughing]

Kyle: Alright so ya’ll make your way to the cafetorium, and you walk in and it’s a rather large room. The tables are all glass tops, cut to fit like the bell of tubas which is being used as the stands for the tables. There is a window where you can place your order. You can kind of see back, there’s a kitchen area where some people are working. There’s not really many people, there’s a few people eating around- give me a perception check.

[Dice roll]

Goodrich: Eleven plus three.

Ali: One plus one.

Goodrich: Aw.

Kyle: Oh no! You’re really hungry I guess cause you’re just looking at that kitchen window. So, Randy-

Spurrier: Two plus three.

Kyle: Two plus three, okay so ya’ll are interested in the food of course, halflings. Wanting, you know, probably their meals and whatnot.

Goodrich(with accent): Time for second breakfast.

Kyle: Raz’ul, you’re looking around and one person stands out to you. You notice Tabitha from the group that was at the tavern sitting at a table eating. Other than that ya’ll can- ya'll gonna approach the window to order or...?

Ali: I’m just gonna bee line straight over and order like four sandwiches.

Spurrier: Does place have a..menu-

Goodrich: With pictures of the food?

[Kyle laughs]

Spurrier: Randy wants to know his options.

Kyle: A cook comes out when ya’ll approach the window and kinda throws a towel over his shoulder and is like-

Kyle(as Alto Brown): Hey, welcome to the cafetorium my name’s Alto Brown. What can I- what are ya’ll looking to eat today? I’ve got plenty of stock in there, they’ve gave us plenty of stuff to work with so ya’ll tell me what ya’ll are hungry for and I bet I can whip it up.

Ali(as Yashee): Sandwiches!

Kyle(as Alto Brown): One requirement though- sandwiches? Okay. One requirement- being it’s a bard school I want you to sing your order. So-

[Players laughing]

Ali(as Alto Brown): So, get your order together and let's hear a little performance of what ya’ll would like to eat and I’ll cook it up for ya!

[Electronic music plays]

Goodrich(singing): Cord dice time! Here we go.

[Dice rolls]

Kyle: See if we can-

Goodrich: C!

Spurrier & Ali: C!

[Dice rolls]

Goodrich: C!

[Dice rolls]

Goodrich: D minor!

[All laugh]

Kyle: Wow! Inversions are gonna be your friend.

Spurrier: Okay so now we gotta do Yashee’s drum kit.

Ali: Alright so flippin’- [coin clashes on the table] What’s that?

Goodrich & Ali: Heads.

Ali: Okay, let's see what we got for the that pattern. Eighty-seven..alright, looks like we’ve got a jazz-waltz 1.

Kyle: Okay.

Spurrier: Jeez.

Ali: That’ll be good, and then our kit is eighty-one. So, techno 4!

[All laugh]

Kyle: Yes!

Goodrich: Techno Jazz-Waltz!

Spurrier: Alright!

Ali: Techno Jazz-Waltz.

Goodrich: C and D minor only, wow!

Spurrier: Wow, okay! Let’s do it!

Kyle: Alright, good luck.

Spurrier: [sighs] Oh man...

[Music transitions]

Kyle: Hey everyone, it’s your dungeon maestro Kyle here. Just wanted to give you another thank you for giving us a listen here. I hope you’re enjoying the campaign as it continues. Just wanted to let you know that if you aren’t already, head over to Twitter, Instagram and Facebook @BomBARDedcast. That helps you stay in the loop with our releases and, you know, other things that we just post. If you want to share this with anybody you know use the hashtag #BardCast and don’t hesitate to tag us either. If you’re listening through Apple Podcast head on over where you can rate, review and subscribe. That’s gonna help us climb the ladder as a new podcast we would super appreciate it.

If you’re wanting more of Lindby in your ears, you can head over to lindbymusic.com lindby is spelled L-I-N-D-B-Y. We’re gonna have our continued sponsor, limitless adventures here again. If you’re having a hard time prepping for your D&D 5e games limitless-adventures.com. This month limitless adventures is going to be running their third print kick starter. They’re providing you with one hundred limitless monsters which includes lore, tactics and more. So, you can learn about those at limitless-adventures.com/monsters. Also, on October 2nd they launched a new kick starter to help develop new content. So, hop on over to their website, I’m sure they have a link to their kick starter and you can give them a hand so that all the DMs in the world can benefit from this. But thank you again limitless-adventures.com.

 One last thing for you! Early in the episode Randy had talked about his fascination with rogue rock, and we’d like to hear from our listeners what are some names of rogue rock bands that you think exist? So, hit us up on twitter and let us know what some of those names are. So, send those over to @BomBARDedcast with the hashtag #Bardcast and we’ll look through those and list out some of our favorites on the next episode. Check ya’ll later!

[Music transitions]

Spurrier(as Randy): Ah, well I think I know what I want! You guys and follow my lead.

[Techno piano music begins to play; drums and guitar join in]

Spurrier(singing): I’ve got the hunger, that sweet halfling hunger. Give me all your waffles and Randy’ll be fine.

Kyle(as Alto Brown): I’ll curb that hunger and you’ll never want another.[Yelling back] Waffles coming back, and be sure to use the sweet maple butter! Who’s next?

Goodrich(singing): I’m not a picky dwarf, I’ve been living out in the woods. A chef-special Alto Brown would leave Raz’ul feeling mighty, mighty good.

Kyle(as Alto Brown): Well you’re out of the woods now so it’s time for some good food. [Yelling back] Boys, the chef special! Brazed boar and beneits! Next please.

Ali(singing): I’m hungry today so I’ll start with three sandwiches, don’t care what’s on them as long as there’s meat. Do you have any fruit? No, on second thought, I’ll have tusk soup with a juice and a whole block of cheese.

Kyle(as Alto Brown): [Yelling back] Quick boys! Three sandwiches, tusk soup and a block of cheese, chop chop! That all sounds good, are you sure there’s nothing else? When I’m your cook you are the boss.

All(singing): Saauce, saauce, saauce, saauce, saauce, saauce, saauce, smothered in sauce!

[Music ends]

Kyle(as Alto Brown): Hell yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. Great stuff, the boys are already working on it, we’ll get ya’ll some stuff out here in a little bit. Take a seat and the food will be right up. Thank you for the entertainment, hope ya’ll enjoy the digs.

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): ‘kay thanks!

Ali(as Yashee): Thanks!

Spurrier(as Randy): Sweeet!

Kyle: And Spurrier, it sounded like Eddy joined in there.

Spurrier: Yeah!

Kyle: He’s pumped for those waffles.

Spurrier: [pumped up] Give me those waffles!

Ali: So, did our instruments glow this time?

Kyle: No, actually they didn’t. It was pretty much a regular- like ya’ll were just playing a normal song.

Ali: Oh.

Goodrich: So, it’s like the whole charisma bard-

Kyle: Yeah, yeah.

Goodrich: So, we just did a good job!

Kyle: Well, yeah.

Goodrich: So, Tabitha is sitting over there, you wanna chill with her?

Spurrier: Is that who you high fived?

Ali: Yeah!

Spurrier: Alright, yeah why don’t we chill with her for a little bit?

Ali: We’re cool, we’re cool.

Spurrier: yeah, let's go.

Kyle: Okay, you make your way over to Tabitha and, you know, she’s finishing up a meal. Looks like she has some pancakes and blueberries; just a fruit side. She’s kind of eating her food and like, takes a bite and looks up and see all ya’ll and just like-

Tabitha: [hesitantly] Hi...

Spurrier(as Raz’ul): Hi.

Goodrich(as Randy): Hii.

Ali(as Yashee): Hey! Hey T. what’s uuup?

Kyle(as Tabitha): H-hey how’ve ya’ll- how’ve ya’ll been doing? Last time I saw ya’ll was at Durden’s Punchbowl. Um, did ya’ll get the gig there? Were ya’ll able to perform?

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): I mean, we played a show there.

Kyle(as Tabitha): You know, I feel that it’s a little weird there because I’m in a group with Gareth and he was kind of a... kind of dick to ya’ll. Like, I personally feel bad because that reflects upon me and who I hang out with and everything so-

Ali(as Yashee): Noo! It totally doesn’t!

Spurrier(as Randy): It wasn’t your choice.

Ali(as Yashee): We saw you trying.

Kyle(as Tabitha): Well, yeah you know...[chuckles]

Kyle: And she kind of looks at you Yashee and she’s just like-

Kyle(as Tabitha): Well I thought it was kind of cool the way you knocked him off balance a little bit. You know he really tried to stick it to you but it was pretty cool the way you reacted.

Ali(as Yashee): Thanks! It wasn’t very difficult. [chuckles]

Kyle(as Tabitha): Well you know it’s still-

Ali(as Yashee): He’s a string bean.

Kyle(as Tabitha): Being strong like that it’s... it’s good on you.

Ali(as Yashee): [surprised] Oh.

[Players chuckle]

Kyle(as Tabitha): So, yeah I’m sorry about him- the main good thing about being partnered with Gareth is that he does have some connects.

Kyle: and she makes a money gesture.

Goodrich: Wait, wait so, she like rubs her fingers together?

Kyle: Yeah, she rubs her fingers together and like a gesture of, you know, cashola.

Kyle(as Tabitha): Lakeridge didn’t work out for us as ya’ll saw. So, we had to make our way down to Fairman- I think his father has some dealings with one of the breweries around there so-

Goodrich: Ohh!

Kyle(as Tabitha): We were able to score a little bit of a gig down there, that worked out fairly well.

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): What’s the swash like down there? You making some good scratch or..?

Kyle(as Tabitha): Oh yeah, absolutely! The tips were plentiful, of course people were drinking and that’s kind of a- you know pockets become loose.

Ali: Mhm.

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): What’s the crowd like? They feeling it?

Kyle(as Tabitha): Oh yeah, they were digging on it. Unfortunately, Gareth is a little cocky in his singing and tries to hit notes that he can’t.

[Players chuckle]

Ali(as Yashee): He’ll have to work on, learn about his limitations

Goodrich: While we’re in school!

Kyle(as Tabitha): That’s why we’re all here to learn. Speaking of which, I actually should probably head on to the practice rooms. I have a couple new moves I need to work out but, if ya’ll are interested after you get done eating drop by and see me. Maybe we could have a little bit of a spar.

Ali(as Yashee): Sounds fun, after I get some food in my stomach I’ll be ready.

Kyle(as Tabitha): Excellent, excellent. Well, excuse me.

Kyle: And she leans down and wolfs up like half of a pancake. [Someone laughs] Just stuffs it in her mouth.

Kyle(as Tabitha): [with mouth full] Well I guess I’ll see ya’ll up there.

Kyle: And walks off with a stuffed mouth full of pancake,and puts her stuff away in the proper receptacles and everything.

[Players chuckling]

Goodrich: Good for her!

Kyle: Yeah, absolutely! He’s considerate!

Spurrier: Responsible.

Ali: Mhm!

Spurrier: Keeping Beetzart clean!

Kyle: Yeah!

Ali: So Kyle, what’s the spoon or utensil situation in this cafeteria?

[Players laugh]

Kyle: Oh, you’re checking out the utensils and they are wooden.

Ali: Wooden.

Goodrich: [disapproving] Aw...

Ali: Alright so, Yashee’s sitting at the table with her wooden spoon and kinda [taps spoon against the table]. Gives it a couple taps.

[Players laugh]

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): What are you doing, Yashee?

Ali: She kinda shakes her head.

Ali(as Yashee): [sighs sadly] Nothing.. It's nothing.

[All laugh]

Kyle: So, it’s a little bit and then your food comes outs, people bring out these trays. You get your three sandwiches and tusk soup and block of cheese-

Ali: and my juice.

Kyle: You get a bunch of waffles, and you know it’s got that sweet maple butter on it. He brings out this fat slab of pork and it’s brazed all over. There’s some beneits on the same plate, it looks really decadent and ya’ll dig in, and it’s some of the best food ya’ll had in awhile.

[Players agree enthusiastically]

Kyle: Cause you know ya’ll have been out on the road the past couple days, this is-

Goodrich: I’ve been out in the woods eating like bugs and bark and stuff-

[Someone laughs]

Goodrich: So I’m like, can’t believe it.

Kyle: In the middle of your meal ya’ll feel a tinkling on your ira glass, and you-

[Someone yells in surprise, players laugh]

Kyle: And you hear Symbol pop in-

Kyle(as Symbol): Hey guys, real quick. Just wanted to let ya’ll know, when you get an opportunity swing by the library and see Mr. Read, he has some gifts from me to ya’ll.

All: [Thanking Symbol with their mouth full of food]

Kyle(as Symbol): And enjoy your meal I guess, and it’s Symbol... bye.

All: Byee!

Kyle: Okay so ya’ll finish up your meals and put everything away and ya’ll stand around for a second deciding where you’re gonna go. You know you can go to the library, Symbol let ya’ll know there’s something there for you. Of course, Tabitha invited ya’ll to the practice rooms so which direction ya’ll wanna go with this?

Ali: Hmm..

Goodrich: I mean, I’m up for whatever now. I mean I’d go-

Kyle: A little scrapple with the apple?

Goodrich: Yeah-

Ali: Oh yeah, I’m ready. Been awhile since a good scrap.

Spurrier: And I’ve got syrup in my veins.

[All laugh]

Spurrier: I’m ready to go!

[All speaking over each other excitedly]

Goodrich: I got all that pork juice in my beard [smacks lips]

Spurrier: Save some for later [laughs]

Goodrich: Just rub it in like conditioner.

Kyle: Alright, so it sounds like we’re gonna be heading to the practice rooms to see what Tabitha is up to.

[Players all agree]

Kyle: Alright, so ya’ll head out from the café and make your way down a few hallways. A few lefts, a few rights and you climb the staircase to the practice rooms. You enter a lounge set up at a fork in the hallway and the right way is labeled “Music” the other is labeled “Combat and Gig Simulator.”

Goodrich: Do we know where Tabi went?

Ali: Can we see into the rooms?

Kyle: Yeah you can walk down the hallway, you all do remember that she said had some moves to work out, and wasn’t talking about practicing music.

Ali: Okay.

Spurrier & Goodrich: Oooh!

Ali: So, she’s in the combat zone.

Kyle: You assume she would be in the combat and gig simulator area.

Spurrier: Let’s go onto that musical matrix.

[Players all agree]

Goodrich: Let’s do it.

Kyle: You’re walking down the hallway and you see there’s a couple rooms to your right, couple rooms to the left. The first one to your left you kinda see through the window and all you can see from the hallway is like the stage that’s set up. The other rooms that you can see through the window, like the first one the right is more like a small ensemble size room. You can tell it’s mainly for like close quarters combat, you know just working in that kind of environment. The next room on the right you notice it’s a little bit bigger and you look in the window and you can see a couple of training dummies slouched in the corner. But you also notice Tabitha, and Tabitha is just pacing bath and forth. Give me a perception check.

[Dice rolls]

Goodrich: Is this like the size of like a band hall or something?

Kyle: Yeah, little bit bigger.

[Dice rolls]

Goodrich: Sixteen plus three!

Spurrier: Sixteen plus three as well!

Ali: Seventeen plus one!

Goodrich: we sixteen plus three-

Kyle: Every single time. Alright- no not every single time [laughter]. Ya’ll have been rolling similar this session.

Goodrich: It’s right here though like [sighs].

Spurrier: Yup, just there it is.

Kyle: So- wait, Yashee what did you get?

Ali: Seventeen plus one!

Kyle: Okay that’s perfect, so ya’ll look in and you see Tabitha just pacing back and forth and you notice it looks like she’s talking to somebody.

Ali: I’m just gonna- wait did you say we go in?

Kyle: No, ya’ll are just looking through the window-

Ali: I’m just gonna tap like- tap, tap, tap on the-

Spurrier: Just the three of us in the window we’re like “Heyy!”

Ali: “Hey!”

Spurrier: [pauses] Where’s my twenty-sided dice at?

Goodrich: Err!

[Laughter, dice rolls]

Kyle: She kind of stops, breaks and looks at the window and see’s ya’ll and she-

Goodrich: Are we all like grinning really big like, “Hey Tabitha!”

Kyle: I don’t know, are you?

Goodrich: I am.

Kyle: Good.

Goodrich: But I’m like- Randy and I you can see just our eyes and nose peeking over the door.

[All laugh]

Kyle: So yeah, she turns around and see’s ya’ll and she has like a stern look on her face at first but then she kind of like smiles and waves ya’ll in like, “Yeah come on in.” The door is open so-

Ali: Oh, okay.

Goodrich: Do we like fall in on top of each other like [makes a grunting noise, laughter] Just like a bit comedy shtick, yeah.

Kyle: Who’s gonna open the-

[Players talking over eachother]

Kyle: Whos gonna open the door?

Ali: I’ll open it I don’t- who knows if you guys can even reach it?

Goodrich: Shut up! [laugher] We can reach a door handle, Ali!

Ali: Are there like multiple door handles on doors?

[Players laughing]

Kyle: No-

Ali: Since you know there’s quite a range of heights in this school-

Kyle: There is a stool nearby.

Ai: Ya know-

Kyle: There is a stool.

Goodrich: There might as well be a smaller door within the door to let in smaller creatures!

[Laughter continues]

Kyle: There isn’t.

Spurrier: Does it please you m’lord?

Kyle: [laughing] There is a lower window.

Ali: Is there buttons on the side, and the door just opens by itself?

Kyle: Yashee opens the door- Randy, Raz’ul give me dexterity saves.

[Dice rolls]

Spurrier: [whispers] Oh no..I got a one but I have my lucky-

[All laugh]

Spurrier: My lucky halfling thing so I can roll again.

Kyle: I hope you get a one.

Spurrier: That’s a natural twent.

Kyle: Oh, you’re real lucky!

Goodrich: I got thirteen plus the whole jack of all trades.

Spurrier: and twenty plus three.

Kyle: That doesn’t apply to saving throws.

Goodrich: Oh you said saving throws-

Kyle: Yeah.

Goodrich: Cool-

Spurrier: Oh sorry, twenty plus six, but whatever.

Kyle: Jeez..So Yashee opens the door and her body’s like pushing against the back of ya’ll like- Raz'ul you get pushed in first and you’re able to like stand but like bent over, like hunched over trying to like balance yourself. Randy, you just get like flown forward as like Yashee rushes in the room, and you like leap frog over Raz’ul as he’s trying to catch himself.

Spurrier: Extreme.

Kyle: So yeah, all of ya’ll are in the room and Tabitha just kind of cracks up like-

Kyle(as Tabitha): Heh, you can just enter the room normally guys!

Ali(as Yashee): Sorry guys, I’m just really excited. [Laughs]

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): It’s been a minute since you got to battle.

Ali(as Yashee): Uh-huh!

Kyle(as Tabitha): Okay well, I don’t know about ya’ll but I discovered a couple new things I’ve been wanting to test out. A few new bards spells that I haven’t-

[Players all agreeing]

Kyle(as Tabitha): Quite used yet so-

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): We learned a few new things ourselves.

Kyle(as Tabitha): Oh good, excellent! So, ya’ll are moving along as well, good. I know it’s kind of a three verse one right now so I was thinking of maybe getting one of the wood golems in on it, so maybe just- lemme go turn one of these on and set it up as a- just to even it out if ya’ll are cool with it.

[Players all agreeing happily]

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): You cool with three against two cause if the sauce gets hot it could burn ya.

Kyle(as Tabitha): I’m very okay with hemiolas, let’s do this.

Spurrier: [surprised] Ooh! Okay!

Kyle(as Tabitha): I’m...don’t worry about it.

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Okay-

Kyle: So, she inscribes like a magical sigil on to the wood golem and it stands up, activates and turns and it looks just like- you know those modeling- modeling?

Spurrier: For like posing?

Kyle: Yeah for posing, it basically looks like one of those-

Goodrich: Oh, cool.

Kyle: So, it walks over and it stands- it picks up a great axe from nearby and walks over and looks like it’s ready to go, and stands next to Tabitha, and she’s like-

Kyle(as Tabitha): Okay well, if ya’ll are ready to start I think I’m ready to uh...throw down.

Kyle: So, basically in this setting since ya’ll know this is like a practice setting nobody is going to die like, everybody knows where the line is as far as practice goes.

Spurrier: Okay, I would imagine if you were knocked unconscious that we just don’t kill them-

Kyle: Exactly, that’s exactly what would happen

[Ali laughs]

Kyle: Good call, that’s very good.

Spurrier: Keep it simple.

Ali: I dunno, chaotic evil over there.

[All talking over eachother excitedly]

Kyle: Okay so let’s go ahead and get some initiative rolls.

Ali: Mine’s four plus one.

Kyle: Okay..

Spurrier: Randy’s is fourteen plus three.

Goodrich: I’m four plus nada.

Kyle: Okay..

Spurreri: To the battle.

Goodrich: [funny voice] to the battle!

Kyle: First up is Tabitha, and she’s like-

Kyle(as Tabitha): Okay so this is one of the new ones.

Kyle: She busts out an aulos and starts to play…it’s a flute-like instrument. Raz’ul you need to give me a wisdom check- a wisdom saving throw.

Goodrich: Oh goodie, and I can use my proficiency bonus.

Kyle: Yes, you need to beat a fifteen.

Goodrich: Got a nineteen plus three.

Kyle: Okay, so you hear the song play and you look above your head, and you see this material form together, it looks like a crown of iron thorns and everything. But then you kinda glare at it and it just kind of dissipates. She looks really upset and she’s like-

Kyle(as Tabitha): [sighs] That didn’t quite go the way I thought it would...

Kyle: Randy’s turn.

Spurrier: Randy’s just kind of giggling on the inside at her failure.

[Someone laughs]

Spurrier: And so he doesn’t say anything, Randy turns to the wooden golem and says-

Spurrier(as Randy): Wooden golem I’d like you to meet [distorted voice] Eddy Izzard the Gizzard Wizard.

[All laugh]

Spurrier: And so, he pulls up his shirt, and out comes Eddy Izzard-[laughter] the Gizzard Wizard.

Goodrich: It’s like this horrifying truffle shuffle!

[All laughing]

Spurrier: And he casts firebolt, and so he says-

Spurrier(as Randy): [distorted] Fire, fire, fire, fire, firebolt!

Spurrier: Alright, so I will make a ranged spell attack. If it hits then you’ll take one d10 fire damage.

Kyle: [impressed] Hm!

Spurrier: That’s seven plus three, ten.

Kyle: Ten? Oh, that misses.

Spurrier: Noo!

Kyle: You fire and it’s standing in this pose and you shoot the firebolt right between the hole of its arm and its body.

Goodrich: Goooal!

Kyle: The wood golem takes a second and if it had a face you could tell it’s like looking where your firebolt went. It turns and looks back at you and starts to trot forward with its axe and takes a swing at you.

Goodrich: You’re talking about Randy?

Kyle: Yes, to Randy. Does a twenty-three hit you?

Spurrier: [groaning] Yeees.

Kyle: Alright..

Spurrier: [Groans]

Kyle: Okay so, it comes up and it swings at you hard. It just tries to get you around your tummy since it saw where the damage- you know, where the danger stuff comes from and does nine damage.

Spurrier: Alright..

Kyle: Gets a good rip into you, and it is now Yashee’s turn.

Ali: So, I’m watching what the golem went and did to Randy and that really upsets me to see- to see him getting smacked up.

Goodrich: Poor little Randy.

Kyle: Caring about the little guy, that’s fair.

Ali: So-

Ali(as Yashee): You better watch out Golem [deep voice] cause I’m one step closer to the edge and now I’m gonna raaaage!

[All laugh]

Kyle: Heck yeah, bust out that rage-

Ali: So I’m going to do- I'm raged now-

Goodrich: Are you killing in the name of?

[All laugh]

Ali: Yeah!

Goodrich: Different band-

Kyle: Yeah no, it’s still good.

Ali: So, I’m going to do an attack with my hammer mallets.

Kyle: Okay.

Ali: And I have a bonus on melee weapon attacks.

Kyle: Sweet-

Ali: Soo-

Kyle: You going after the-

Ali: I’m going after the golem. So I’m going to do an attack with my hammer mallets but I’m gonna hit them one right after the other so it counts as a two hands attack.

Kyle: Right on.

Ali: Okay..so my first one is seven plus six, so that’s thirteen.

Kyle: Okay.

Ali: My second one is thirteen plus six, nineteen.

Kyle: Okay, those both hit.

Ali: Nice! Okay, so then I’ll roll damage- yeah, okay. [Pauses] Okay, so the first roll was six total and the second one was three total.

Kyle: Thank yooou, okay so you go in with a good whack on the side of this wood golem and strike in and there’s like a good fracturing on the wood arm where you hit it. Pieces fly up and fly out-

Ali: While I’m smacking him, I go [deep voice] “RANDYYYYYY!”

Spurrier: Thanks, Yashee!

Kyle: Alright, we go from Yashee onto Raz’ul. What is Raz’ul going to do in his action?

Goodrich: We’ve rested?

Kyle: Yeah, yeah.

Goodrich: Like- I can’t remember.

Kyle: We’ll say that the time you spent in the dorm and eating food allowed ya’ll to get rest in and regain hit points and spell slots, so you’re all good to go on that.

Goodrich: In the dorms is a sweet futon or something.

Kyle: And the smell-good stuff helps too.

Goodrich: Right! Yeah, potpourri.

Ali: It’s aromatherapy.

Goodrich: Yeah [laughs] Okay so-

Kyle: Potpourri-gain your hit points.

All: Oooh!

Goodrich: So yeah, anyway, so Raz’ul’s gonna transform. Cause again the sight of poor little Randy getting struck by a golem, he cannot abide-

Spurrier: So sweet-

Goodrich: Yeah! Sweet little Randy. So, let’s roll..[dice rolls] That’s not good, fifteen. So, I am a scorpion! [laughs]

Kyle: So, you’re a- is it an actual scorpion?

Goodrich: Like just a normal scorpion-

Kyle: Like just a little scorpion guy.

Goodrich: [sighs, whispers] Okay..

Kyle: So, at this point in the battle, Tabitha is still fifteen feet away from ya’ll. The wood golem has made his way up into close quarters combat with Randy and Yashee, and Raz’ul you’re standing like- You can make it to the wood golem but you’d have to spend another round getting to Tabitha as a scorpion.

Goodrich: Okay, well um.. Could I do this? I transform into scorpion, but instead of transforming into a scorpion can I just transform into a tiny little scorpion from Mortal Kombat? [Kyle laughs] Like with a scorpion tail? So, I just kind of shrink Ant Man style?

Kyle: Uhh.. No.

Goodrich: Awww, okay!

Kyle: Sorry, no.

Goodrich: Okay, one more quesiton-

Kyle: Never hurts to ask-

Goodrich: Yeah- Could I also- Since she’s fifteen feet away from me, could I kind of start running as Raz’ul, leap into the air and start transforming into a scorpion?

Kyle: Yes!

Goodrich: And land on Tabitha?

Kyle: Yes, you can!

Goodrich: Okay, so I do that. I start running and I do the same thing that Yashee did I go- [normal voice becomes higher pitched] “Randyyyyy!” [Laughter] And then I land on Tabitha’s..where do I land?

Kyle: We’ll say you landed on her waist- around her waist.

Goodrich: And now it’s her turn!

Kyle: Yeah she’s gonna see the scorpion and be like-

Kyle(as Tabitha): Uh.. Gross, gross, gross, gross!

[Someone laughs]

Goodrich: I say-

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): [high pitched] Guys, she doesn’t like bugs!

Kyle(as Tabitha): Well, I’ll just something I know will work.

Kyle: And she says-

Tabitha: [Recites incantation]

Kyle: And from her body these black tendrils start to form out, and one comes and sweeps your direction. It looks like this large arm from your perspective, Raz’ul.

Goodrich: Okay-

Kyle: Looks like a large arm sweeping at you, and you’ll need to make a strength saving throw.

Goodrich: Okay, real quick- it's a strength two or minus four?

Spurrier: [Pained] Ooh. It means when you make a strength saving throw you’ll have to subtract four.

Goodrich: Oh no.. [laughs]

Kyle: Cause you’re tiny, you don’t have much strength-

Goodrich: So, ten minus four, six.

Kyle: Okay, no. This black arm just swipes at you and does 2d6 necrotic damage. Which is basically gonna knock you out of your transformed state and- [pauses and whispers something]. Okay, so you take the one damage as a scorpion and that knocks you out of your scorpion form. You get flung off of her waist and transform in air as you’re falling and skid on the floor. The other damage is going to carry over so you take eleven damage. You’re gonna take eleven necrotic damage as you feel those tendrils that hit you, it feels like there’s an undead searing burn.

Goodrich: Ow, I say- [high pitched scream] but then transform out so it’s like [high pitched scream turns back to normal].

[Someone laughs]

Kyle: Yeah, so you’re back to regular Raz’ul again.

Goodrich: I’m all right and regular Raz’ul.

Ali: Regular Raz’ul.

Kyle: She’s gonna say-

Kyle(as Tabitha): Don’t ever do that again, that was disgusting!

Kyle: And we’re gonna go onto Randy’s turn.

Spurrier: So the golem is still basically right up on me right? Or pretty close to me right?

Kyle: Yeah, it’s up in your grill.

Spurrier: Okay, in that case I’m gonna do a good old-fashioned sneak attack with my rapier. [Rolls dice] Well wouldn’t you know, it’s a natural twent.


Kyle: Oh god, yeah go ahead.

Spurrier: So, is that gonna double the overall damage or initial damage plus the-

Kyle: You’ll be able to roll the weapon damage twice, but you only roll the sneak attack damage once.

Spurrier: Okay so it’s not a matter of doubling, it’s a matter of rolling twice.

Kyle: yeah-

Spurrier: And any modifiers would only be added once.

Kyle: Yeah-

Spurrier: Okay, cool. So, it’s gonna be 1d8, 2d6 plus three, plus one more 1d8. [Shakes dice] So all in all [rolls dice] we get a three, a four, a seven and a one. So that’s twelve plus three- yeah.

Spurrier & Kyle: Fifteen.

Kyle: Alright yeah, you buckle your way around this wood golem’s axe and make a nice couple stabs into it. It looks like you drilled a hole into the body, have you ever seen like a chipped clarinet? Like where the thumb rest is broken off?

Spurrier: Yeah everyone has seen-

Kyle: Everyone has seen a chipped clarinet! No, just like broken wood.

Spurrier: Perfect! It’s perfect, wonderful.

Kyle: You notice this thing, kind of feeling like it’s kind of in a dire situation it starts to swing a little bit recklessly as it’s attacking and that’s gonna give it advantage on it’s roll. Yashee, does a twenty-three hit you?

Ali: Yes, I’m still raging though so there are some- what type of damage is it?

Kyle: It is going to be slashing damage.

Ali: I do have resistance on slashing damage.

Kyle: Okay, so that halves damage I believe.

Ali: It would just be that.

Kyle: That’s cool, okay you will take four damage total from it slashing at you. You were able to maneuver your way out of the some of the slice but it still caught you a little bit, but your skin’s like hardened up in your ragened mode.

Ali: Okay.

Kyle: That being said, it is now your turn Yashee to retaliate.

Ali: So since I’m still raging I can do something that’s part of my primal path as a barbarian. I chose the totem warrior path, so I’m going to evoke my totem spirit of the lynx which lets me use a dash action as a bonus action on my turn.

Kyle: I don’t think that’s a standard- The lynx, that’s something we made for you right?

Ali: I think it’s normally like the eagle or something and I’m just using the same stats but I wanted to be a lynx. That’s why actually, my character has like claws on its ears, like rings around it and uh, yeah.

Kyle: No, that’s a cool- and listeners you can when you’re making your character. Be like, I wanna use this branch but call it something else cause I like this animal better. That’s D&D, you make it yours!

Goodrich: When you do the lynx do you go? [Screaming like Link in Legend of Zelda]

Ali: Well I’m still raging so it’s more like [Screams but in a deeper tone]

[All laugh]

Ali: I’m gonna go behind him, and then take my maul and kind of just like check him. Like a hockey check.

Kyle: Okay, yeah go ahead and just roll me and attack with your maul.

Ali: [Rolls dice] That’s an eight plus six.

Kyle: That hits.

Ali: [rolls dice] That’s six plus three.

Kyle: Okay, so yeah you zip around this wood golem, you check it in the back and it flies forward and hits the ground and just splits, as it hits the ground. So-

Ali: I’m gonna go-

Ali(as Yashee): [deep voice] Ha, make like a banana and split!

[All laugh]

Goodrich: It’s straight..down.

Kyle: It’s down! (in a Schwarzenegger voice)

Goodrich: It’s down! (also in a Schwarzenegger voice)

Kyle: Get down! (Once more in a Schwarzenegger voice)

Kyle: Raz’ul it is your turn, you’ve transformed out of being the scorpion and you kind of catch yourself on your feet like sliding back.

Goodrich: [Makes a dramatic sliding noise] Anime style?

Kyle: Oh absolutely, and now you’re like “what do I do now?”

Goodrich: Then I say-

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Uh-

Spurrier: Uh-

Goodrich: [Laughing] That’s not, Uh-

Spurrier: Uhh!

Goodrich: I say, Uhh!

Raz’ul: Alright well, you thought…you know, the scorpion was just a warm up, let’s see if you can handle something just a little bit bigger.

Goodrich: So..What’s that say? Sixty-one? Sixty-one is swarm of rats!

[All laugh loudly]

Spurrier: Just a little bit bigger!

Ali: A swarm though-

Goodrich: It is bigger-

Spurrier: (singing) Tabi’s gonna be so disgusted!

Goodrich: She’s not gonna like this.

Spurrier: It’s gonna be awesome!

Goodrich: So I can either take twenty-four hit points for these rats or roll 7d8 minus seven to see what I can get for them and I think that’s what I’ll do so lemme roll.. [rolls dice] alright so two, eight, four, six, six, two, two, so..thirty minus seven-

Kyle: Twenty-three!

Goodrich: Twenty-three!

[All laugh loudly]

Kyle: It shows that the books know what they’re doing.

Goodrich: Was feeling frisky.

Kyle: That’s great.

Goodrich: Oh well.

Kyle: It is twenty-three in there right?

Goodrich: Twenty-four.

Kyle: Oooh-

Goodrich: Yeah-

Kyle: Even better-

Goodrich: So, it’s a big middle finger to me.

Spurrier: [hums a tune]

Goodrich: Yeah- [does the same] and if these twenty-three hit points fail I go back to being Raz’ul with thirty-seven points of damage, which is my original HP minus eleven.

Kyle: Yup!

Goodrich: So again, being level two that’s my bonus actions, transforming into this delightful swarm of rats. What’s a good- No! You know what? I want them to be like-

Kyle: Ratigan from the great detective?

Goodrich: No-

Kyle: Great mouse detective?

Goodrich: Super- actually yeah.

[All laugh]

Goodrich: Well kind of, I wanted them to be like super cute rats like the rats from Cinderella. Like cause they’re mice. It’s like, they look super cute but they will f- you up!

Kyle: Nice.

Goodrich: So, maybe at first Tabitha’s like “aw, they’re so cute”-

Kyle: Unsuspectingly cute-

Goodrich: Yeah! [laughs]

Ali: Aw, a big swarm of rats!

[All laugh]

Goodrich: And since it’s a large creature since we’re speaking collectively as legion-

Kyle: [laughs] Oh no.

Goodrich: We will definitely be having the, [deep voice] Swarm of raaats!

[All laugh]

Goodrich: Oh boy, well this is terrifying. My action is gonna be bites, so basically all these rats are going to bite Tabitha.

Ali: Ooh!

Kyle: Aw, man..

Goodrich: and I have keen smell, I don’t think that means they have a keen smell to them [laughs]. You know what? I think that is what it means, I think that this is just a really-

Spurrier: It’s potpourri of rats-

Goodrich: Yeah, exactly! Considering-

Kyle: I mean, that would be appropriate-

Goodrich: Exactly, because we all smell so good I have advantage on wisdom checks. That rely on smell.

Kyle: Okay-

Goodrich: Whatever [laughs]

Kyle: “I’m really good at smelling.”

Goodrich: Redolent rat pack, we’ll bite Tabitha. We start off by looking at her like- [sings a note] Doing a little dance, you know, being the rat pack we got Frank Sinatra dancing with like Dean Martin. You know, freaking Sammy Davis Jr. dancing with Joey Bishop, and the last guy Peter..Lawford? He’s dancing just by himself.

Ali: Wearing little hats?

Goodrich: Yeah, little fedoras-

Spurrier: Couple of glasses of scotch.

Kyle: Hmm, that’s my game man.

Goodrich: And there’s many more that’s you know, their band is behind them. They’ve got little rat instruments and we go and attack and bite. So, two plus, I have plus two to hit so [rolls dice] do that real quick.

Spurrier & Goodrich: Oooh!

Goodrich: It’s a natural twent, Kyle!

Ali: Hurray!

Goodrich: I got something for you Kyle, and you’re gonna love it.

Goodrich(Singing and playing guitar): This is my twent song, my natural twent song, it’s what I play when I roll them twents, [drum and piano join in] You’ll never know Kyle, just when I roll them, so I will play my twent song for you!

[Music ends]

Goodrich: That’s for you Kyle!

Kyle: [groans]

[Players laugh]

Goodrich: So that’s a natural twenty plus two, so I imagine that hits.

Kyle: Yes, that does indeed hit. Go ahead, and roll your damage twice.

Goodrich: [rolls dice] So, that’s natural twenty so I roll the attack which is 2d6 so I’ll do that twice. Three plus three is six, and [rolls dice] Five plus three is eight, so fourteen.

Kyle: Fourteen damage?

Goodrich: Yes please.

Kyle: Cool, yes your body swarms all over Tabitha giving little bites here and there as you make your way-

Goodrich: We say- [makes a munching sound in a deep voice]

[All laugh]

Kyle: So, we’re back up to Tabitha and she pulls out this black grimoire and flips through it as she brushes off a couple of the rats but they still keep swarming over her legs. She says explosivo and there’s this clap of thunder that emits from her body. Let's see, it goes fifteen feet out so it would hit ya’ll two- it actually hits all three of ya’ll. Each of you needs to give me a constitution saving throw.

[Dice rolls]

Ali: One plus four

Kyle: Not gonna do it.

Spurrier: Nine plus one.

Kyle: Not gonna do it.

Spurrier: Oh no!

Goodrich: Eleven minus one

Kyle: [laughs] Definitely not gonna do it. Okay so, all three of ya’ll are going to be pushed back ten feet. Raz’ul as a swarm of rats your entire swarm is like knocked back ten feet in a group. Let’s see, ya’ll are gonna take 2d8 thunder damage. [Rolls dice] So you take eleven damage and you’re pushed back ten feet. From where Raz’ul and Yashee were standing ya’ll actually get pushed back up against the wall and- you only took eleven, so you’re still in rat form-

Goodrich: Mhm.

Kyle: So yeah, your rat pack gets pushed back. And she’s kind of standing there and she’s just emanating this energy and she’s just like-

Kyle(as Tabitha): Come on, let’s- let’s keep going. This is great!

Goodrich: Oh okay! So, we’re having fun here, good.

Kyle(with accent): Randy it’s your turn up in battle.

Spurrier: Okay, so once again Randy’s going to pull up his little shirt-

Ali: [whispers] Little halfling tummy..

Spurrier: And he’s going to cast-

Spurrier(as Randy): [distorted voice] Chromatic Orb!

Spurrier: Which is just a four-inch diameter sphere of energy, I can choose the type and if it hits it does 3d8. [Rolls dice]

Kyle: Jinkies..

Spurrier: So that would be a thirteen plus three, sixteen?

Kyle: That hits.

Spurrier: Wonderful! So, 3d8 [rolls dice] a one, a two-

Spurrier& Kyle: a three!

Spurrier: and a four! [laughs]

Kyle: Alright, a one, a two and a four? What kind of damage?

Spurrier: Oh! I didn’t decide, let’s do fire.

Kyle: Please do, cool. Alright, so this chromatic orb just like fires towards Tabitha. The ball hits her and erupts into flame and you know, a little bit of cloth catches on fire- You know what? I don’t care that the book says that it doesn’t catch clothes on fire. What’s the point of fire magic if it doesn’t? I’m sorry, I’m taking a stand.

Ali: He’s very passionate about it.

[All laugh]

Goodrich: He’s fired up!

All: Ooooh!

Kyle: Aw man, but yeah no, it catches a little bit on fire. It’s smoldering and she kind of pats it out.

Spurrier: It just singes, it’s not-

Kyle: Yeah, absolutely. It doesn’t burst into flame but you know there’s some smoldering and what not.

Spurrier: And once it’s done, Randy just pulls out his organ and [plays a melody on the piano] Ha.

[Players laugh]

Kyle: Okay so, next would be Yashee, you’re up.

Ali: Can I like, throw my mallet at her? Like try to conk her in the head?

Kyle: Yeah, it’s gonna be a ranged attack so it’ll be a little bit different but yeah you can totally-

Ali: I might as well.

Kyle: Go for it.

Ali: Let’s see, I’m just gonna throw one of them.

Kyle: Okay.

Ali: [Rolls dice] Okay, so two plus so what do I- oh I see, it’s plus 6. So that’s eight total.

Kyle: Alright, that does not hit. You throw your hammer and it goes flying off into the corner of the room and you hear a clatter against the ground and a scrape in the corner. Okay, so we’re to Raz’ul, actually Raz’ul give me a perception check.

Goodrich: Okay..[rolls dice] Okay so yeah, is this a smell based..check?

Kyle: It might be, I’ll let you know

Goodrich: [Laughs] So..I got a three.

Kyle: It is smell based, go ahead.

Goodrich: Okay! [laughs] Oh! I got a thirteen.

Kyle: Okay good, you’re-

Goodrich: Phew! Says Kyle.

[Players laugh]

Kyle: You’re focusing on Tabitha but then your nose starts twitching-

Goodrich: Our noses-

Kyle: Yeah, your collective noses start twitching. Your head kind of like turns-

Goodrich: Our heads, all turn-

Kyle: [Irritated] All your heads turn and you notice that there’s a little bit of a glow coming from the instruments that Randy and Yashee are holding.

Goodrich: [Laughs] What smell are their instruments?

Kyle: Well, this is your first time as a rat so it’s your first time actually smelling this magic-

Goodrich: Oooh! Like Animorphs, whenever they morph and they get overwhelmed-

Kyle: Yeah, exactly-

Goodrich: Okay-

Kyle: It’s a new scent so you haven’t smelled this magic before, but now you are because you’re in rat form. It smells like a tangy, smoky sauce.

Goodrich: [makes a sound of approval] Er- [does the same but in a deeper tone] That’s what all the rats say, they say [deeper voice] Oh, yeah I like it.

[Players laugh]

Kyle: All in a collective?

Goodrich: Yeah, you know so I’m kind of like “uh oh” and I say or I guess it would be like [deep voice] “Uh oh” [normal] And I say to you guys-

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): [deep voice] I think we may want to like, cool it ya know?

Goodrich: Can I like, gesture to their instruments like [muffled] “Uh... Instruments are glowing” as a giant swarm?

Kyle: Yeah! [laughs]

Goodrich: They all just point with their little tiny hands!

[Laughter and someone does a funny noise]

Goodrich: So, I look back and do they notice?

Kyle: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ll say ya’ll notice and you get what Raz’ul’s trying to say.

Goodrich: So, I guess as rats I’m just like-

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): [deep voice] Uncle, uncle! Ah! Oh no, Tabitha you got me! [pained groan]

Goodrich: And maybe we’re-

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): [deep voice] Maybe we should stop before things get out of hand?

Spurrier: Right-

Goodrich: I say to all of us.

Kyle: You’re saying this to everyone?

Goodrich: Yeah.

Kyle: Okay, and Tabitha's kind of still emanating this energy and it’s kind of got this dark mass about it and she’s just like-

Kyle(as Tabitha): No... we’re having a good time, right? This is uh- This-

Kyle: And her voice kind of cuts and you hear a different tone in it and it’s like-

Kyle(as Unknown): [deep and echoey] This is what we need to do to grow right? To learn, to gather-

Kyle: And like, she kind of looks up and her eyes have grayed over.

Goodrich: Uh oh...

Kyle: And the light from the room somehow backlights her shadow, and you notice this figure in her shadow, and the way her arms are spread it looks like this large three-legged shadow monster that you can’t even describe. You can tell there’s this ancient feeling emanating from it, and you can hear the tone in her voice. Once she looks up you notice that her mouth isn’t moving but she is still talking to you and you can hear her in your head. And you hear that split tone, where it’s just like-

Kyle(as Unknown): No, my servant will learn from ya’ll and we will gather information. This is not the end of the battle. I will make her see all again.

Goodrich: [yells]

Kyle: What do ya’ll respond?

Goodrich: All the little rats grab their ears and they’re like, [yelling in a distressed deep voice]

Ali: I come out of my rage like-

Ali(as Yashee): [deep voice goes back to normal] Uhhh... Tabitha, what’s going on over there? Like, are you alright? Do you guys see this? Is this just me?

Goodrich: Yup.

Spurrier: Randy just stares.

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): [deep voice] We all do!

Kyle: When you say Tabitha’s name something kind of clicks and you see the gray kind of fade and she like, slouches her arms and looks really exhausted.

Kyle(as Tabitha): How- oh... Oh no... Um... Are ya’ll okay?

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): [deep voice] Yeah, are you okay?

Kyle(as Tabitha): I’m-

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): [Deep voice] We were just having a friendly spar and you flipped out, man.

Kyle(as Tabitha): Uh, my combative side gets a little amped up sometimes.

Ali(as Yashee): It’s like you were possessed or something.

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): [deep voice] Yeah.

Kyle(as Tabitha): I’m sorry guys, excuse me.

Kyle: And she gathers her affects and rushes out the door.

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): [deep voice] Ooh..

Ali(as Yashee): Whoa..

Spurrier(as Randy): [chuckles] Well...

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): I’m gonna morph out [deep voice turns back to normal as he transforms].

Spurrier(as Randy): So we’ve gone from exploding spiders and evil fellers, and now we have possessed students in the school. This is going great!

Ali:(as Yashee): Things just keep getting weirder and weirder around here.

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): I mean, our instruments started glowing again ya know, well- A: It smelled awesome! And B: it’s kind of like they were reacting to this kind of force maybe. Um, I don’t know maybe last time we saw them glowing and we started playing them, I wonder what could have happened?

Ali(as Yashee): Maybe they sensed that we needed to use them or something-

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Or something, yeah.

Spurrier(as Randy): In the presence of some massive force or something, I don’t know.

Ali(as Yashee): And that energy she was letting off was pretty intense.

Goodrich(as Raz’ul): Yeah.

Spurrier(as Randy): Yeah, well I think- should we mosey? This as been a little weird.

[Players agree]

Ali(as Yashee): We are supposed to be getting to the-

Spurrier(as Randy): We can tell Splash about this later-

Ali(as Yashee): Library right?

Kyle: Okay so ya’ll wanna go ahead and head to the library now?

Spurrier: Actually, before the library, given that Tabitha did whoop us a little bit, could we go back to our dorm and have like a little rest?

Kyle: Oh yeah, totally, ya’ll can have a rest for an hour or two. I mean it’s still about like noon, noon-thirty or something.

Goodrich: We did learn song of rest so-

[All the players happily realize this]

Spurrier: (singing) We could play it. That’s a good idea.

Kyle: But yeah, ya’ll head back to the dorm rooms and you know there’s still that good smell good stuff going and yeah, ya’ll can take a little rest if you want to but play up that song of rest. Give yourself a little extra hit points that you lost.

Goodrich: So, with song of rest, since we’re all bards we figured we could just play it all together as a group. So, let's do that real quick.

Kyle: And since ya’ll are playing it all together, let's go ahead and bump up that magic and say instead of 1d6 it’ll be 1d8.

Goodrich: For each of us?

Kyle: Yeah, for each of you instead of the one d6.

Ali: Cool!

Goodrich: Okay!

Ali: One, two, three, four-

[All instruments start up simultaneously]

All(singing): Chilling at max and relaxin’. Eatin’ some snacks that we’re packin’. Taking a break from attackin’. Kickin’ it back with the crew. Song of rest, it’s the best, helps us when we’re on a quest. Song of rest, it’s the very best.

[Music ends]

Kyle: Yeah, since ya’ll are rolling your hit dice you will roll 1d8 for all bards, and since you’re doing the song of rest as an ensemble you will be rolling another 1d8 instead of just a 1d6.

Goodrich: And we’re using a hit die?

Kyle: Yes.

Spurrier: And adding our constitution, right?

Kyle: And adding your constitution.

Goodrich: Cool, so I got a one plus two plus one so four.

Ali: I got a three plus one plus my constitution, which is one so five.

Spurrier: I got a seven plus five plus one so that’s thirteen.

Kyle: alright, so you’re making your way to your individual rooms for this nap you’re about to take. And for the purposes of this; Yashee, Raz’ul go ahead and head to your individual rooms and leave for a moment, I need to talk to Randy.

Ali: Like... actually leave?

Kyle: Yeah-

Goodrich: Oh!

Kyle: Like actually leave cause I need-

Goodrich: Okay-

Kyle: This is for Randy’s ears only.

[Ali and Goodrich can be heard getting up from their chairs and leaving]

Goodrich: [softly from far away] Bye Randy!

Spurrier: Bye!

Kyle: [softly] Get on out of here.

Goodrich: Bye!

Spurrier: Yeah.

[Door closes]

Kyle: Okay Randy, so you’re making your way to your room and as you’re walking the scent of Raz’ul’s potpourri fills your nose and there’s something in the back of your mind that’s just kind of shouting to you saying like-

Kyle(as unknown voice): Add your own scent, go on. Go on, go for it.

Spurrier: Oh- uh, hmm... alright so, do I need to check for this to see if I-

Kyle: Do you feel compelled to-

Spurrier: Compelled to- I mean it’s a pretty nice scent. I’m actually kind of enjoying it so, I guess I want to contest the voice in my head.

Kyle: Okay, so you’re kind of trying to shake it off like, “No it smells fine, it smells good.” But then it kind of comes back like-

Kyle(as unknown voice): No no, it could be really, really fun.

Kyle: Go ahead and give me a wisdom saving throw.

Spurrier: Alright, that is an eight plus nothing.

Kyle: Eight plus nothing, okay so you’re contesting this voice in your head and for some reason you’re kind of swayed over it by it-

Spurrier: I’m like, “Well..”

 Kyle: And you’re tempted to add your own little blend to this potpourri, so now that you feel compelled to do so how are you going to change the potpourri's smell?

Spurrier: What is it contained in?

Kyle: It’s contained in like a bowl-

Spurrier: Is it large enough for me to fit my feet in?

Kyle: Maybe one foot.

Spurrier: Okay, so from one foot I'm gonna take my little daggers and trim off some of my crusty tasty hair, my protective layer. Sprinkle it in, mix it in, then I'm gonna give my foot the good old grape wine making treatment for the potpourri.

Kyle: [laughing] Okay.

Spurrier: So a little bit from each foot, a personal touch of Randy.

Kyle: Awesome.

Spurrier: There you go.

Kyle: Alright, so you do that and you go through this process and you stand back and you look at the potpourri bowl and mashed up herbs and your little hairs and whatnot, footies bits.

Spurrier: [Sniffs loudly] waft it in.

Kyle: Yeah, you’re just like, “Mm.”

Spurrier: Smells like home. You can almost taste it, it’s so pungent.

Kyle: Taste and smell are so close yeah, exactly! You’re like, “Yeah that’ll do.” Then you head off to bed.

Spurrier: Awesome.

Kyle: We need to get Yashee and Raz’ul back in here, yeah call them all back in here.

[Door opens]

Spurrier: Okay, you guys can come back now.

[Door closes]

Spurrier: Welcome back.

Kyle: Yeah.

Goodrich: How’d it go? You guys have fun?

Kyle: Mhm.

Spurrier: Oh yeah.

Goodrich: Good.

Kyle: So, everyone you all rest up and regain your hit points and everything. You wake up from your nap and you walk back into the common room. Yashee and Raz’ul give me a perception check.

[Ali and Goodrich hesitantly agree, dice rolls]

Ali: Ten plus one.

Kyle: Ten plus one? Okay, Raz’ul you can roll this one at advantage.

Goodrich: Oh, okay!

Ali: I don’t get to roll at advantage?

Kyle: No, you don’t.

Ali: Okay.

Kyle: There are reasons.

Ali: The eleven stands then.

Goodrich: First one is an eight next one is a two! So, we’ll take the eight plus three, eleven.

Kyle: Okay, alright so! We’ll find out what those are for next time!

[Players laugh and groan in disappointment]

Goodrich: Why!?

Kyle: Later!

[Theme song plays]

Transcripts By: Gabi