Ep. 35 – Getting to the Bottom of Things
[bomBARDed theme song plays]
Kyle: Hey everyone, welcome back to this episode of bomBARDed – wait, no, you’re just now getting here, so, welcome to this episode of bomBARDed, [Goodrich snickers] let me say that correctly before I get into the recap.
Goodrich: Well, we were here, so…
Kyle: Yeah. You’re here so-
Goodrich: You’re talking to us, too, Kyle!
Kyle: The bards. Welcome back to this episode- [chuckling]
Goodrich: Yes!
Kyle: -of bomBARDed.
Ali: Oh, thanks!!
Kyle: Uh… [chuckles] so to recap last episode, real quick.
[song from Vol 1 OST, “Let’s Recap” begins]
Kyle: Essentially our bards began last episode by splitting ways. Tabitha and Yashee headed back to the offices with the pymaricin spray and Kage in town in the wheelbarrow and then Randy and Raz’ul decided to jet off to the cafeteria to help whoever was down there. To long-story-short this, Yashee and Tabitha got back okay, only coming across a few infected students, but barreling through that issue. While Yashee was in the offices, she did manage to score some hair from Alola, and that was more or less what went down-
Goodrich: Wink!
[players laugh]
Kyle: -at the offices. Uh, while we were at the cafeteria with Randy and Raz’ul, they did some, uh, some trickery and some deception on- against the infected students to make their way into the kitchen where they found more infected students and, of course, a trapped Alto Brown. From there, our two, uh, smaller bard members were able to maneuver their way around and take care of the issues that were at hand with a little help from Weemo getting, uh, the infected students out of there so they could actually help Alto Brown out of that corner where he was trapped behind all those pastry racks-
Goodrich: Yeah-
Kyle: -and everything.
Goodrich: We got most of them.
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: There were still some… which leads us to the next part! Right, Kyle?!
Kyle: Yeah, it does! It- exactly! The next part, where they were- despite them being apart from each other, they wanted to play a song to help draw all of the students in the cafeteria into one point. So, they, uh- Raz’ul came up with this plan to play the music through all of our Ira Glasses.
Goodrich: Yes.
Kyle: Which could’ve gone really bad-
Goodrich: Yeah-
Kyle: -but it didn’t so-
Ali: How-
Goodrich: What-
Ali: -how bad, Kyle?
Goodrich: Yeah? We all want to know. [Ali laughs] Like…
Kyle: Oh, uh, essentially like if it had not worked out, every single Ira Glass involved in that line of-
Goodrich: Uh huh. Yeah.
Kyle: -you know, magic, would’ve just exploded.
Goodrich: Boom! Oh ho…
Spurrier: Good, good.
Goodrich: Oh, jeez!
Kyle: It just would’ve shattered, and you would’ve been out your Ira Glasses and-
Goodrich: Uh…
Kyle: -it wouldn’t have worked.
Goodrich: That would’ve been awkward too because we would’ve had to like get the other Ira Glasses that were around… like in-
Kyle: Mmhm. [Ali laughs]
Goodrich: -the students that were down. We’d have to find out what their names were and-
Kyle: Look at their student ID and everything…
Goodrich: New Ira Glass, who dis? [Kyle laughs] Yep. Uh… cool. Well- and we actually kind of talked about it afterwards, too. Um, that whole mechanic-
Kyle: Mhmm.
Goodrich: -kind of is nice ‘cause it takes the onus off of you-
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: -Kyle, a little bit. And kind of-
Kyle: If I don’t want to make a decision, I can let the dice decide for me.
Goodrich: Yeaa, well and one of the kind of criticisms of the show and- it’s a- it’s a fair critique, is that you know-
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: -the songs can sometimes be a little bit of a deus ex machina a little bit.
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: And uh, it’s just another added level of kind of meta-gaming a little bit that we have to keep track of, but…
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: This helps it out, I think.
Kyle: I think it’s fine. Music always saves the day, right listeners?!
Goodrich: [crying out] We’re doing the best we can, Kyle!
[all chuckle]
Kyle: But uh, but yeah, that was successful, and we were able to get past that. Of course, uh, you two with Alto and Brown made it- Alto Brown in tow-
Goodrich: Alto and Brown? That’s like a buddy cop show.
Kyle: Yeah. [laughter]
Goodrich and Kyle: [deep voices] Alto and Brown!
Kyle: [deep voice] Ready to serve you up justice!
Goodrich: Yea.
Kyle: Uh… No, but you made it back to the offices and were able to get there without any hindrance. And we pretty much, uh, left off with you three deciding that you should make your way down to the basement after talking to Nurse Odejoy a little bit.
Goodrich: Yup.
Kyle: And uh, Tabitha was gonna join you along. Yashee, you acquired a- a Diminution Potion from Nurse Odejoy so that you could probably fit inside the dumbwaiter. And, uh, that seems to be the option that you three were gonna go with. So, what we’re gonna do, is we’re gonna pick up right before you’re leaving the offices, [background music fades out] just to make sure if- if there’s anything you wanted to take care of before you headed out, you can do that. So uh, l- let’s pick up there. You’re about to head out, but what happens before you do?
Goodrich: Right. So, I screeeeeech to a stop.
[Ali makes a stopping sound]
[all chuckle]
Goodrich: Well, I guess I’ll just say, above table, I guess?
Spurrier: Sure.
Goodrich: Like, I’m at like 30 out of 57-
Spurrier: Oooh.
Goodrich: -so probably some health would be good?
Ali: Yeah.
Spurrier: Probably.
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: And Kyle?
Kyle: What?
Goodrich: Be real with us. If we took a short rest…? Is that okay to do? Not a long rest, a little short rest.
Kyle: Uh, short rest- short rest is-
Goodrich: Are things gonna get- go super south if we do?
[Ali giggles]
Kyle: Mm-
Goodrich: Kyle?
Kyle: -you know what? I don’t- I don’t think it’d be too bad if you took a short rest.
Goodrich: Alright.
Spurrier: Just kind of bad.
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali: Great.
Spurrier: Only a few students’ futures would be totally ruined! [players laugh] But not the whole school.
Goodrich: Oh-
Ali: Yea.
Goodrich: -they’re probably writing home to their parents after this one. [Kyle snickers] Uh, okay-
Spurrier: Dear Bard Parents…
Goodrich: Yea, so-
Spurrier: Alright.
Goodrich: Alright, so I- can we short rest it up and maybe play a song of rest?
Kyle: No! That’s a bad, Goodrich!
[players protest]
Goodrich: But Kyle!
Kyle: No, yeah, you can. [Ali chuckles]
Goodrich: Alright, and you said a- we can do a d8 if we-
Kyle: Yeah, if you’re-
Goodrich: -do it together.
Kyle: -playing all together.
Goodrich: Great so here we go!
Ali (as Yashee) and Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [singing]
Chilling up max and relaxing
Eatin’ some snacks that we’re packing
Taking a break from attacking
Kicking it back with the crew
Bards: [singing]
Song of re-he-he-he-est
It’s the be-he-he-he-est
Helps us when we’re on a quest
Song of rest, it’s the very best
Goodrich: Alright! Okay, so I’m gonna roll three hit dice and I get the fourth one for free and you said it’s a d8 for the-
Kyle: Yup.
Goodrich: Cool.
Kyle: d8.
Goodrich: What are you guys rolling?
Spurrier: I’m just gonna do one plus the bonus.
Goodrich: Okay.
Ali: I’m doing one of my d12’s.
Goodrich: Oooh!
Ali: And the free one.
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: Your fancy barbarian edition.
Ali: Mmhm.
[die roll]
Kyle: Cool.
Goodrich: [muttered] Four.
[multiple dice rolls]
Goodrich: [muttered] Seven.
[die roll]
Goodrich: [muttered] Fifteen.
[die roll]
Goodrich: And twenty! That’s not bad.
Spurrier: Not bad!
Kyle: That’s a pretty- pretty good haul.
Ali: Sweet. I got sixteen back-
Kyle: Sixteen back.
Ali: -and I only needed fourteen, so.
Kyle: Yeah, there you go!
Goodrich: Cool.
Spurrier: I got seven back and just needed five, so.
Kyle: Perfect.
Goodrich: Sweet and does Randy still have his Bardic Inspiration?
Kyle: Oh, no, probably by now that is-
Goodrich: Yea.
Kyle: -that is lapsed, unfortunately.
Goodrich: It’s ten minutes, so.
Spurrier: Evaporated into the ether.
Goodrich: Okay, cool.
Spurrier: It’s fine.
Kyle: Don’t worry, though. You’ll get it back after a long rest.
Goodrich: Yea.
Kyle: Whenever that happens.
Ali: Oh.
Spurrier: True.
Goodrich: [singing a la “Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked”] Ain’t no rest for the barding!
[all laugh]
Goodrich: [sighs] Okay!
Kyle: Alright, so uh, [background music starts: “Ep 32, A Makeshift Infirmary, Mvt. I”] during this short rest, you’re chilling around, maxing, relaxing.
Goodrich: Yeah?
Kyle: Doing your thing, healing up. Uh, and you- you hear a funny sound, it sounds like a [makes sucking/slurping sound].
Goodrich: Gross.
Spurrier: Gross.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, gross, who did that nasty?
Kyle: Uh, everyone- you know, everyone being-
Goodrich: [laughing] I don’t know!
Kyle: Everyone being Alto, uh, Nurse Odejoy, and Tabitha kind of look at each other just like- “It wasn’t me… was- was it you?” “No, no, it wasn’t me! Uh, was it you?”
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ah, well you know, he who smelt it, dealt it, Alto, so uh…
Kyle (as Alto): Are- are you smelling something, Raz’ul?
[players laugh]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I, uh, no! I didn’t smell anything! I heard a thing.
[Kyle makes sucking/slurping sound]
Kyle (as Alto): There it was again! What was that?
Kyle: And they’re looking around.
Ali (as Yashee): Hmm.
Spurrier: Can we tell where it’s coming from, Kyle?
Kyle: Uh, give me a perception check-
Goodrich: Yeah-
Spurrier: Well, alright.
Ali: Let’s do it.
Goodrich: -two, I guess.
[dice rolls]
Goodrich: Ooh, that’s a two!
Spurrier: That is a nineteen plus three.
Ali: And it’s an eighteen!
Goodrich: I guess two plus five, so.
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: I still think it’s Alto.
Kyle: Yeah, uh, yeah you think it’s Alto. [Goodrich and Spurrier chuckle] And, uh, Alto’s just like-
Kyle (as Alto): No, no, no!
Kyle: And Tabitha and Odejoy are looking around, but Randy and Yashee, it sounds like it’s- it’s very echo-ous and it sounds like it’s coming from one of the vents in the room.
Ali: It’s not Splash eating a pudding cup, is it?
[all laugh]
Kyle: Dang it, Ali!!
Ali: Oh no, I’m sorry!
Kyle: You guessed it! How’d’ya know?!
Ali: It sounds just like him!
Kyle: He’s- you look up in the vent and you see S-Splash just up there with a pudding cup [makes slurping sound]. No.
Ali: Oh, man, I thought I was actually right.
[Kyle bursts out laughing]
Goodrich (imitating Splash): I just want to see how they handle this!
Ali: I was like, I just ruined your whole game plan.
[all laugh]
Spurrier: Okay.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Spurrier: Well.
Goodrich: Jeez.
Spurrier: Alright. Uh…
Ali: What did you say we see-? hear?
Kyle: I didn’t say- it sounds like it’s coming from the air vent in the room that you’re in.
Ali: But like close?
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: As close as air vents normally are.
Ali (as Yashee): Uh, maybe we should check out that air vent over there.
Ali: I point.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, okay.
Goodrich: And I side-eye Alto.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [sarcastically] Okay, the air vent! Sure, Yashee!
[all laugh]
Kyle: Okay, so you’re gonna go-
Goodrich: Alright.
Kyle: -uh-
Ali: Is it tall enough to where I can just-
Kyle: Yea.
Ali: -look in by myself?
Kyle: Yeah, you could probably look up in there.
Ali: I’m scared though.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Do you want me to go on your shoulders?
[Ali sighs]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Boost me up there.
Ali: Are you ready for this?
Goodrich: Sure.
[players snicker]
Ali: Okay.
Goodrich: I- I’m all rested up. I feel great.
Ali: I’m not gonna ask, I just pick you up.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Aghhhh!
Kyle: Alright, uh, so you get up there and you’re looking in this vent. It’s dark, and you know, but luckily, your dwarf has Darkvision so-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, it’s dark, but I’ve got Darkvision!
[Ali chuckles]
Kyle: Yea.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yea.
Ali (as Yashee): What do you see up there?
Kyle: You’re looking down and you notice like, yea, there’s that same kind of trail of slime-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I’m noticing a trail of slime!
Kyle: -floating around.
Ali (as Yashee): It’s heading this way?!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh…
Kyle: No, it just looks like something’s passed through here, um… but uh, you’re- you’re relaying this information. You turn back and you look back into the vent to see if, you know, see if you can gather any more information, and I need you to give me a dexterity save, Raz’ul.
Goodrich: Jeez.
Spurrier: Oh boy.
Goodrich: [die roll] That’s a ten.
Kyle: It’s a ten?
Goodrich: Plus JOAT.
Kyle: Okay. So, you turn back and you’re like, [mimicking Raz’ul] “Yeah, just looks like, you know—” [Goodrich chuckles] “—s-s-slimy and, you know, oozy up here.” And you turn back, and it looks like a tendril is like just forcing its way out of the vent and it hits you in the face.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Dah!!!
Kyle: And-
Goodrich: Smack.
Kyle: -you are going to take, umm… [snaps]
Goodrich: Damage? That thing called damage?
Kyle: Yeah. [Goodrich snickers] You’re gonna take damage but it’s gonna be necrotic damage.
Goodrich: Awh.
Kyle: And you wind up taking five necrotic damage-
Goodrich: Awh.
Kyle: -and you feel this stinging sensation on your face. And I need you to give me a constitution save.
Ali: Wow.
Goodrich: Oh my gosh.
Spurrier: Oh boy.
Kyle: You can do it at advantage because dwarves are resistant [die roll] to these kind of things.
Goodrich: Oh, well… [Spurrier plays the “oh yeah” chorus] Uhh. Why can’t you play a major one for me?
Spurrier: It was major. It was a major 6/9, [Goodrich sighs] just stacked in fourths.
[Kyle giggles and then laughs]
Goodrich: Pfff. Whatever. I got a natural twenty!
[all chuckle]
Kyle: Right on, yeah. You feel the stinging and then it like reel back and, uh, Yashee, give me a strength check.
Ali: Alright. [die roll] It’s a thirteen plus four?
Kyle: Okay. So, you feel Raz’ul reel back and you’re kind of like holding him on your shoulders and you’re able to, you know, hold him tight enough to where he doesn’t fall off from reeling back. And when you turn around with Raz’ul on your shoulders, trying to catch him from falling, you notice that there’s a purple- well, Yashee, you don’t notice this, but Randy and the other people in the room notice, like, there is a purple mark on your cheek, but then it fades.
Goodrich: Oh?
Spurrier: Phew.
Goodrich: [chuckles] Yes. Indeed. [Spurrier chuckles] Um…
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Something slapped me. Right across the face. Pretty sure it was a tentacle, um, moving through the vents, so this room might not be super safe.
Kyle: Raz’ul’s face also has like this, like, gleam of slime on it.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Eughh.
Ali (as Yashee): Ooh.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Gross!
Spurrier (as Randy): Wipe it off!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh.
Spurrier (as Randy): You’re gross!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yea. Well-
Ali: Are there any- are there any-
Spurrier (as Randy): Dirty, dwarf boy.
Goodrich: Yea.
Ali: -are there any other vents in this room?
Kyle: Uh, no. There’s just this one.
Ali (as Yashee): So, maybe we should like board this up before we go?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Will they be able to breathe if we do? While we’re gone?
Ali (as Yashee): Hmm…
Goodrich: Kyle?
Spurrier (as Randy): It’s not the only source of air! It’s just like-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Wait, wait, yea, where is the other source of air, Randy?
Spurrier (as Randy): The door? And the windows?
Goodrich: Are there doors and windows?
Kyle: Yea, you went through a door, here-
Goodrich: Well, yea-
Kyle: -but there’s not really a window, necessarily.
Spurrier: It’s not an airtight seal. This isn’t the Bards of NASA.
Ali: Are- are we-
[all laugh]
Kyle: Next season!
Ali: Any of the walls like- a wall like an outside wall? Like…
Kyle: No, it- no, this is pretty deep in the school-
Ali: Oh, okay.
Kyle: -so there’s not an outside wall.
Goodrich: Does it stink at all? Do we smell something?
Kyle: Do you smell something? Yeah, it does actually smell. Uh, you- you get a nice-
Goodrich: Can- okay.
Kyle: -whiff of, kind of smells like decayed food.
Goodrich: Ahh. That makes me think of when that squirrel died in the vents.
[all laugh]
Kyle: Oh, god!
Goodrich: At my old apartment.
Spurrier: Yeah!
Goodrich: And we just taped dryer sheets up, like-
Spurrier: Do we have dryer sheets in our- [chuckles]
Goodrich: Do we have dryer sheets, Kyle?
Kyle: [laughs] Suuure.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: There’s bound to be somebody who has dryer sheets-
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: -if you want it to not smell bad here.
Goodrich: And we’ll put it up there, then, we need to talk to the landlord soon and tell them we’re moving out. [all chuckle] Okay! Uh…
Kyle: That’s all you want to do with the vent?
Goodrich: We barrde- barrded it up. We-
Kyle: You boarded it up. [Ali chuckles]
Goodrich: -boarded it up, right? Yashee did? With something?
Kyle: I- I wasn’t-
Ali: Anything around that could be a board?
Kyle: It looks like there’s a, you know, maybe- maybe a desk, er, something you could probably rip apart to make it work.
Ali: Alright. I’ve got some Tinker Tools?
Kyle: Oh, okay.
Ali: Is there anything else in there?
Kyle: Yeah!
Goodrich: Carpentry check.
Ali: Great.
Spurrier: Do it!
Ali: Oh, I’m gonna put on my construction outfit/disguise. [all laugh] Just to like really feel accomplished.
Goodrich: Set up a little perimeter. [mimicking Yashee] Okay!
Kyle: [chuckling] Yea, during the short rest, Raz’ul, you get slapped while trying to heal-
Goodrich: Yea.
Kyle: -Yashee puts on her construction work gear [laughing] and goes to fixing the vent.
Ali: I’m gonna measure it out, level it.
Ali (as Yashee): I want this to look nice.
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: Alright, so.
Goodrich: So is this a long rest-
Kyle: Give me-
Goodrich: -now?
Kyle: No, this is not a long rest. Give me a performance check to see-
Ali: Okay.
Kyle: -how well you perform at car-pen-ter-ing.
Ali: I’m gonna do so good.
Goodrich: Oh, really?
Kyle: I hope so.
[die roll]
Spurrier: The best!
Goodrich: Ooh!
Ali: Eighteen plus eight! [singing] Ooh!
Goodrich: Yes!!
Kyle: Yeah, you, uh-
Goodrich: I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Where’d that vent go?
[all chuckle]
Kyle: Pretty much. It’s like there was never a vent there in the first place.
Spurrier: They can’t breathe anymore.
Goodrich: Uh oh!
Kyle: No, it’s uh- it should be totally fine, y’all.
Goodrich: Okay.
Spurrier: Nice!
Goodrich: Fantastic.
Kyle: And uh, Odejoy says-
Kyle (as Odejoy): That looks really good, Yashee. I- I- I think- [scoffs] you’re in music school when you could be crafting things like that! That’s-
Ali (as Yashee): I have many talents!
[all chuckle]
Kyle (as Odejoy): Well, you’ve definitely proven that to be true.
Ali: I pull out a card from my construction outfit, I’m like-
Ali (as Yashee): Here you go-
Goodrich: Is it just a Chaos Sauce card?
Ali (as Yashee): -handy lady, here you go.
Kyle: What does the card say?
Ali: It’s a Chaos Sauce card that I’ve just written like, “Yashee’s Handiwork”-
Goodrich: Yea.
Ali: -like, “Call Yashee.” Hand that to you.
Kyle: [chuckling] You hand- you hand this over and while you’re doing- Tabitha is just like chuckling and laughing at this. Um, and she’s like-
Kyle (as Tabitha): Oh my gosh, you- you must have a wild time as a trio.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yea. You’re about to find out, I guess.
Spurrier (as Randy): You-
Kyle: (as Tabitha): Yeah. I- I guess we should- well, that is concerning, but at least Yashee, you took care of it, uh… [Goodrich chuckles] Um, Nurse Odejoy, you- you sure you wouldn’t rather have somebody here to stick around?
Kyle: She’s like-
Kyle (as Odejoy): Well, I mean… just in case, it might- it might be a good idea…
Kyle: And Tabitha’s like-
Kyle (as Tabitha): Well-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, I mean, it’d be good to have, you know, a fourth person around in case we run into [sing-song] some trouble!
Kyle (as Tabitha): I mean, I- I can’t fault that logic.
Ali (as Yashee): I worry that we’re all not going to fit into the dumbwaiter-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ohhh.
Ali (as Yashee): -and then someone’s left to come back by themselves-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well-
Ali (as Yashee): -I don’t want- I don’t want anyone to have to do that.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I can probably transform into something small.
Spurrier (as Randy): Well, “probably” is the optimum word there. Um…
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right…
Ali (as Yashee): Ohh!
Spurrier (as Randy): But…
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): But?
Spurrier (as Randy): But I do have my Dimension Door, if worse comes to worse, I could just pop on down to the basement and meet you guys there-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ah, see!
Spurrier (as Randy): -if we have to do that, but if you can transform into-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh!
Spurrier (as Randy): -a little tiny thing…
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Sure!
Spurrier (as Randy): That would be nice.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I am a druid, as you might remember, Tabitha-
Spurrier (as Randy): Yea…
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): -I transformed into bugs or something?
Kyle (as Tabitha): Yeah, I- I remember, that was…
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yea! [chuckles]
Kyle (as Tabitha): …really disgusting.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yea, well, you know, it was just for fun. Soooo, if you guys [mumbling] are on board, let’s go ahead and…
Kyle (as Tabitha): If- if you think it’s possible, I’ll go with y’all.
Ali (as Yashee): Okay. Well, Nurse Odejoy, are you okay with that?
Kyle: And Nurse Odejoy’s just like-
Kyle (as Odejoy): [big inhale] [Goodrich laughs] You know I- I’ve been prepared to defend myself uh, you know, I have some of my clerical abilities and, uh, of course, Alto Brown, you know, is definitely handy with a pot and uh, a skillet.
Kyle: And Alto Brown’s just like-
Kyle (as Alto): Yeah! I’m ready to go.
[players laugh]
Goodrich: H- holds them up.
Kyle: Yeah, yeah, holds them up and is just like-
Kyle (as Alto): Yeah, we can- we- let’s dance, yea.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright.
Ali (as Yashee): Well, let’s-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Bards?
Ali (as Yashee): -let’s do it, then.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Grab your spell bags.
[background music fades out]
Spurrier: Time to get our-
Kyle: Okay!
Spurrier: -Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 on and find out the secret of the ooze.
Goodrich: Yea.
Kyle: Ahhh! [Ali laughs] Yes!
Ali: Ah!
Spurrier: Let’s go.
Goodrich: Yea and more tentacles from Kyle.
Kyle: Yea.
Goodrich: Alright.
Kyle: Well, it’s just like a little pseudopod.
Goodrich: Oh. Oh, so kind of like a little snot arm?
Ali: Eugh.
Kyle: Yes.
Goodrich: [snickering] Okay.
[players chuckle]
Kyle: Exactly. ‘Cause it’snot an arm.
[players chuckle]
Ali: Oh no.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright, let’s go.
Kyle: Alright!
Ali: Do we still have our, um, spray backpacks?
Goodrich: Oh yea, and our respirators?
Kyle: Do you?
Goodrich: Yes?
Spurrier: Yes.
Ali: I mean, we have the respirators-
Kyle: Yup.
Ali: -‘cause those are- but the spray backpacks-
Goodrich: I never took mine off.
Spurrier: No-
Goodrich: I don’t know about you guys.
Spurrier: -I didn’t either.
Ali: -Tabitha has hers?
Goodrich: Yea.
Kyle: Yea. Tabitha has hers.
Goodrich: Perfect.
Kyle: You have your- your pymaricin spray tanks and everything, so-
Goodrich: Awesome.
Kyle: Cool.
Spurrier: Game on.
[background music starts: “Ep 32, A Makeshift Infirmary, Mvt. II”]
Kyle: So, you’re moving your way through the hallway, uh, you’re making your way back towards where the intersection where you heard Alto Brown. Yashee, you remember coming across four of the, uh, students that you had knocked out. They are still there. Um, of course, the three students that you had initially come across, back in like a couple episodes ago, you notice that they are not there. Before you had the pymaricin spray-
Goodrich: Right.
Kyle: -they’re gone.
Goodrich: Gotcha.
Kyle: Um, and-
Goodrich: Also, when we approach this point, I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, I know we normally do Pass Without Trace, but [murmured] I don’t get any spell slots back after that short rest, so…
[Ali giggles]
Kyle: Hey- hey don’t complain to me!
Goodrich: Oh! No no no no no no no!
[all laugh]
Kyle: You talk to wizards about that!
Goodrich: Well, I was thinking maybe we just stealth without Pass Without Trace, uh???
Ali: Sure.
Kyle: If you want to do that, that’s fine.
Goodrich: [still holding] -uhhh??
Spurrier: Couldn’t hurt.
Kyle: Tabitha y- picks up what you’re putting down.
Goodrich: Alright.
[multiple dice rolls]
Goodrich: [sighs] I got a three.
Spurrier: Sixteen plus nine.
Ali: And I have the most triumphant of rolls…
Goodrich: Oh?
[Spurrier plays the “oh yeah” chorus]
Goodrich: See, when you play the voices-
Ali: Plus one!
Goodrich: -you can’t even tell.
Spurrier: It’s fine.
[Kyle bursts out laughing]
Spurrier: It’s just- I’m just varying things up, it’s episode 35, c’mon now.
[Ali laughs]
Goodrich: I mean, alright.
[Kyle and Ali laugh]
Spurrier: It’s time.
Goodrich: It’s just not as triumphant, it’s-
Spurrier: It’s fine.
Goodrich: Oh, whatever.
Kyle: It’s fiiine.
Goodrich: Tried to vibe it out with all these [moan-yelling] OH YEAAHHH!
[all chuckle]
Kyle: [deep voice] Oh, yeah.
Goodrich: [deep voice] Oh, yeah!
Kyle: Okay, so. Raz’ul, you’re not very- you think you’re being sneaky, but, uh… you’re just- I don’t know, something- something’s up with your shoe. It’s making like a [makes squeaky noise] wrrrreaah.
Goodrich: Yea.
Kyle: Wrreaah. Wrreaah.
Goodrich: It happens, you know.
Kyle: I uh- y- your boots might be worn out a little bit-
Goodrich: Sh-
Kyle: -I don’t know what’s going on here-
Goodrich: Sure.
Kyle: -but, uh, Tabitha and Randy and Yashee seem to be moving way quieter than you are. But you hear this wrreaah, wrreaah, and around the corner you begin to see those same three students from earlier shuffle back into your way.
Spurrier: Hmm.
Kyle: And it looks like they’re trying to expel that same spore but, of course, it doesn’t seem like they’re- they’re putting it out.
Goodrich: Oh?
Ali: Ran out of juice!
Goodrich: Ran outta juice, yea.
Spurrier: Gross.
[players chuckle]
Kyle: Yea, they look like they’re trying to. Like- like opening their mouth and going [deep voice] uhhh.
Spurrier: Ahh.
Goodrich: They’re like a cat dry heaving-
Kyle: Yeah!
Ali: Nice.
Goodrich: -a hairball, like [makes coughing sound] agchk!
[Kyle chuckles]
Spurrier: ASMR.
Kyle: Yea.
[all chuckle]
Goodrich: Oh boy.
Kyle: Ah, but yeah. So, they see you, so, let’s roll some initiative.
[background music fades out]
Goodrich: Ugh, well, I mean, can we just like turn around and avoid them?
Spurrier: [singing a la “Total Eclipse of the Heart”] Turn around…
Kyle: No! ‘Cause you did bad!
Goodrich: I did.
Kyle: You did the bad sneaking.
Goodrich: I donked up!
Kyle: Yep.
Goodrich: Alright.
Kyle: So. [whispered] Do it.
[multiple dice rolls]
[Spurrier plays an “oh yeah” chorus]
Goodrich: Oh, you’re not even trying now!
[all laugh]
Spurrier: So that’s a twenty plus three.
Kyle: [chuckling] Okay, Randy is going first.
Goodrich: Alright, I got a fourteen.
Ali: I got three.
Goodrich: What’d Tabitha get, Kyle?
Kyle: Tabitha got a four.
Goodrich: Aw.
Kyle: So, uh, so our combat order is going to be Randy, Raz’ul, my bad peeps, my good peeps, and then Yashee. So, Randy, what do?
Spurrier: I’d like to pymaricin, please.
Kyle: Okay, so you’re gonna run up on one? Give me that- give me that, uh, attack roll.
Spurrier: [die roll] That is a three plus four.
Kyle: That is not going to hit-
Spurrier: Noo!!
[background music starts: “Ep 35, Scrappin’ in the Hall”]
Kyle: -you, uh, you sprint and uh, this thing like kinda knocks the wand out of your way like trying to flail and get at you.
Spurrier: Mmm.
Kyle: Uh, and it does not hit, unfortunately. So-
Spurrier: Awesome.
Kyle: -anything else on your turn?
Spurrier: I will… disengage.
Kyle: Okay. You do that, you disengage, uh, right now I’m gonna say you’re in a crossway-
Spurrier: Mkay.
Kyle: -of sorts, of these halls. So, you could either move back, you could move to the left, or you could move forward. They came from the right.
Spurrier: Mmkay. Uh, I’ll move left, then.
Kyle: Okay. So, you move left down the hallway and uh… you probably have- maybe like ten more feet of movement, so you’re out of melee range at this point. And that’ll end your turn, taking us to Raz’ul.
Goodrich: Same deal! Pymaricin!
Kyle: Okay, moving up pymaricin.
Goodrich: And it’s a… twelve.
Kyle: Okay. Twelve hits so let me… [die roll] roll here. Oh no. Uh, so you spray this thing in the face and you- you get a pretty good like little dosing of it and you see it like- [inhales sharply] -react but then it kind of twitches for a second and then keeps moving.
Spurrier: Oh.
Goodrich: Oh.
Kyle: It does not react negatively to the pymaricin spray.
Goodrich: Ughhhh.
Kyle: Uh, so-
Goodrich: Constitution saving throw.
Kyle: Eh, you know?
[background music fades out]
Goodrich: Well, I think I might use my Mantllle?
Kyle: Mmhm?
Goodrich: You know what? Eugh.
Kyle: It is a bonus action.
Goodrich: I know, and it could get us out of here, but… just looking at you. [players chuckle] Like I feel like I might want to save it for later. ‘Cause we’ve gotten out of these like little spots with these students pretty-
Spurrier: We’ll just give them a spritz or two-
Goodrich: Yeaaa.
Spurrier: -and move on.
Goodrich: Okay and plus like I can only use it on three people so…
Ali: Sorry Tabitha.
[all laugh]
Kyle: Peace!
Goodrich: You got this, right?! [Ali chuckles] Okay, uh, no, you know what, I’m going to save the inspiration die uh… for later, so I’m just gonna try going by without spraying it.
Kyle: Okay. [die roll] And that’s a fifteen on the die.
Goodrich: What? No!
Kyle: Yea. Don’t look behind my screen, I have stuff written back here.
Goodrich: Ughhhh.
Kyle: But yea, that definitely hits because- even with your shield.
Goodrich: Yep.
Kyle: So. [die roll] So you take four bludgeoning damage [background music resumes] as one of them wields a club and [makes raspberry noise] pluhf, baps ya.
Goodrich: Great!
Spurrier: Awesome.
Goodrich: Great, great.
Kyle: Okay and-
Goodrich: Yea, that’s great.
Kyle: -it is my bad peeps’ turn. So, you’re still standing- er, you moved past towards Randy, right?
Goodrich: Yea.
Kyle: Okay, two of these things are going to move towards you and Randy and they’re going to attack. [dice rolls] And Randy, that is a nineteen to hit you?
Spurrier: Yuuup.
Kyle: [die roll] Raz’ul, that is a fifteen to hit you. [die roll] Randy, you’re gonna take-
Goodrich: Eurghh. [Ali chuckles]
Kyle: -five bludgeoning damage. Raz’ul, you take five bludgeoning damage. Then another bad peep is going to work its way down the hall towards, uh, Tabitha. [die roll]
Spurrier: [quietly] Nooo…
Kyle: And that is going to be a two on Tabitha which misses. Also, during this, Yashee, you see Tabitha getting attacked and you’re- you’re looking at her and you notice in a floor vent right past her- you see something glistening nearby and it looks slimy and oozy.
Ali: Oh no.
Kyle: And you see this- you saw what reached out and bapped Raz’ul.
Ali: Mmhm.
Kyle: So, you see this same thing kind of protrude out of the floor vent and it starts to go towards Tabitha but then notices the mist from the, uh, infected student and then erratically darts up the wall and up onto the ceiling and down again to another side of the hallway. And uh, it’s like- just like kind of moving very erratic around this area.
Ali: Like an ooze-blob? Like a Flubber?
Kyle: Yeaa-
Goodrich: Oh. [chuckles]
Kyle: -kind of like a small flubbery ooze-blob. Uh, and it’s just kind of moving very quick, very erratic in different places. Uh, but that is gonna be the end of my bad peeps’ turn. Tabitha… she is going to take a step back, just like, kind of, dodged out of the way of this attack. And she’s like-
Kyle (as Tabitha): I don’t, uh, actually no, I- I-
Kyle: And she pulls out a little like hairspray bottle with a little water and she kinda like [makes raspberry noise] squirts it at th- at them. [die roll] Totally misses though-
Ali: Oh no.
Kyle: -because she’s kind of, uh, caught off guard, especially seeing that ooze come at her. And that is the end of my good peep’s turn. So, we’ll go to Yashee. What are you doing?
Ali: Well… okay, so, Tabitha’s still right next to one.
[background music fades out]
Kyle: Mmhm.
Ali: Raz’ul’s still right next to one.
Goodrich: And Randy, technically.
Ali: I was gonna use Thunderwave, but I don’t think that’ll work. You guys will all get pushed.
Kyle: I- I will say this. So, the hallway ahead of you is clear. You saw Raz’ul and Randy go left after getting attacked by these people, so they moved forward. I’d say that Raz’ul and Randy would not be in the affected area of your spell because of the way the hallways are, however, the two infected would be, not to mention the third infected that is in front of Tabitha.
Ali: But then Tabitha would get hit, too.
Kyle: I don’t think so. I think you’d be standing shoulder-to-shoulder with Tabitha at this moment.
Ali: Then I will do that!
Kyle: Cool. I think it works out.
[background music resumes]
Ali: Alright. I will uh, get tappin’!
[SFX: tapping sound]
[Goodrich chuckles]
Kyle: [die roll] Mmkay, so that is a thirteen for- er, sorry a sixteen for one, [die roll] ooh, eighteen for [die roll] another, and seventeen for the third. So, I believe those all pass, but they will take half damage. They just won’t be pushed. So, go ahead and roll your damage on them and we’ll half it.
Ali: Okay. [die roll] Okay, that’s ten so five.
Kyle: Ten damage so five damage to each of them. You see their arms lazily flop from the Thunderwave, you know, and uh, kind of pick up in the wind and they slide just like an inch, but not nearly the intended effect that you were hoping to go for. And since that’ll end Yashee’s turn, we’ll go back up to Randy.
Spurrier: Okay, ummmm…
Kyle: You’ve got one of these boys up in your melee area.
Spurrier: We’ll try it again.
Kyle: Alright.
Spurrier: Pymaricin round two! [die roll] Okay, that is a nineteen plus four.
Kyle: Oh yeah, that’s gonna hit. [die roll]
Spurrier: Pheeew!
Kyle: You spray it in the face, and it starts to react as you expect it to when being sprayed. And it kind of starts to sink down into the ground and curl up a little bit in the fetal position. So, uh… that’s gonna be the end of your turn unless… anything else? There- you are standing next to Raz’ul. There is one right in front of, uh, right in front of Raz’ul, so you would need to use disengage.
Spurrier: Right, okay. As far as like, I went left. Which way is towards the dumbwaiter?
Kyle: Uh-
Spurrier: Forward?
Kyle: -the way you’re facing, it would be to the left.
Spurrier: Alright, well I’ll disengage and start heading that way.
Kyle: Okay. So essentially you walk back out into the hallway, and you continue the direction you were originally headed-
Spurrier: Yes.
Kyle: -as a group.
Spurrier: Perfect.
Kyle: And that’ll end your turn, so Raz’ul, what do?
Goodrich: Let’s pymaricin! [die roll] Uh! Spurrier?
[Spurrier plays a “oh yeah” chorus a la “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”]
Goodrich: Oh god. [Kyle laughs] Alright.
Spurrier: There we go.
Goodrich: Nice.
Kyle: Twinkle twinkle little twents.
[all laugh]
Goodrich: Twinkle twinkle little twents?
Spurrier: I wonder what you wants.
Goodrich: Oh, I wants to spray, Kyle!
Kyle: I wants to win!
Goodrich: Yea.
Kyle: [die roll] Okay and I’m gonna do this. [die roll] You pretty much get the handle of this thing and you get it basically in its mouth.
Goodrich: I shove it up his nose.
Kyle: And you spray, and you see it start to like come out of the nose and everything as well-
Goodrich: Eughh!
Kyle: -and the eyes are- well, the eyes are closed, but you can tell, like the eyes are starting to move like rapidly-
Goodrich: Oh ho ho.
Kyle: -and this thing just kind of like slowly falls to the ground and is obviously made docile by that sweet nat twenty.
Goodrich: Excellent.
Kyle: What else with your turn or is that going to be it?
Goodrich: Run towards Randy! Let’s go!
Spurrier: I’ll- yea, yea.
Kyle: Okay. You move towards Randy and that’ll take me to my bad peep’s turn. This last remaining infected student is going to lash out again at Tabitha and it misses as well. Um… Randy and Raz’ul, you notice this now that you’re in the- you’re in view down the hallway, so, everyone involved notices this little purplish, like violet blob. It’s almost transparent in a way, but it is like darting around erratically and you see it after- it looks like it’s kind of been watching from like almost where the ceiling meets the wall. And, after this, it starts darting down and it darts around the hallway from where the infected students come, and you can hear it kind of [slurping sound] down into a vent and it disappears.
Goodrich: Ughh.
Spurrier: Ughh.
Kyle: Uh, that’ll be the end of my bad peep’s turn, so, good peep’s turn. Tabitha’s gonna bust out her little spray bottle and that’s gonna be a hit and is it successful? [die roll] Yes, it is. [die roll]
[Goodrich chuckles]
Spurrier: Yay!
Kyle: So, Tabitha sprays it and these three are made docile, and that’ll take us out of combat.
[background music fades out]
Goodrich: Alright, well, I need to do healing- er, I guess I say to you guys-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ughh, feeling ‘bout just about as good as I did before we left! So…
[all chuckle]
Goodrich: I need to do some healing. I have here that I have two Potions of Healing? One from Odejoy and I guess one from Conway??
Spurrier: Yea, when I bought ‘em all and-
Goodrich: Ohh!
Spurrier: -doled them out.
Goodrich: ‘Cause you’re all rich now.
Spurrier: Well, yeah.
Goodrich: Okay. So, I’m gonna roll those. Kyle, you said they’re 2d4?
Kyle: 2d4 plus-
Goodrich: Plus-
Kyle: -one.
Goodrich: -one each, okay. So, [die roll] four, [die roll] one, [die roll] one, [die roll] three! Plus two is eleven!
Kyle: Yep.
Goodrich: So… Kyle, I have Cure Wounds also, but it says, “A creature I touch regains hit points,” so can I just touch myself and…?
[Ali and Spurrier snicker]
Kyle: Phrasing!
Goodrich: [chuckling] Yea! [singing a la “I Touch Myself”] When I think about you, I touch myself!
[all laugh]
Kyle: Yea, yes!
Goodrich: I heal myself.
Kyle: That’s how it works.
Goodrich: Great. So then, I’m going to do it at a Level 1 spell, so I get-
Kyle: I imagine you dancing like Garnet or something, you know?
Goodrich: [laughing] Yea. [die roll] Okay, so four plus my spellcasting ability modifier, which is two, so six!
Kyle: Cool.
Goodrich: So, fifty-three out of fifty-seven.
Kyle: Not too shabby!
Goodrich: That’s not too shabby!
[Kyle, Goodrich, and Spurrier chuckle]
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: See, it’s like you didn’t even get attacked-
Goodrich: Uh, I know.
Kyle: What you worrying about?
Goodrich: It’s like I can just delete all of what just happened later in post. [all laugh] Right, Kyle?
Kyle: I guess! I guess if you want to leave the listeners out of seeing that sweet little ooze dartin’ around.
Goodrich: Bonus content.
Kyle: Oh, yeah, cool.
Goodrich: Yea, okay.
Kyle: Alright.
[background music starts: “Ep 32, A Makeshift Infirmary, Mvt. II”]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ahhh. Wow, I am tired.
Spurrier (as Randy): Eh, you’re better now, it’s fine.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yea, it’s cool. Uh, uh, well, let’s keep going- that service elevator thingy.
Kyle: Tabitha says-
Kyle (as Tabitha): Well, I remember, uh, he was mentioning that it was right near the cafeteria, you know, the intersection of the cafeteria, so, we’re probably not too far away. I mean, it would make sense that it would be there, so it’s easier to move things.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay.
Kyle (as Tabitha): So…
Goodrich: Is it pinging on our map at all? Can we see, like a-
Kyle: Yea, y- you pull up-
Goodrich: Ding ding!
Kyle: -the map that you don’t have of the school and-
Goodrich: And it’s great!
Kyle: -you see it. No, you’re able to find it, you-
Goodrich: Okay, we find it.
Spurrier: Great.
Kyle: -you continue finding your way and you see, yea there’s a nice little like, you know, it’s a fairly good-sized freight elevator, for like, you know, sacks of like rice and different foods that need to be moved that maybe-
Goodrich: Sure.
Kyle: -people don’t want to carry up stairs.
Goodrich: Gotcha.
Kyle: So- but as far as fitting four people inside, one being small, three being classified as medium, probably gonna be a way too tight of a fit. So, what are we doing about it?
Ali: Well, I’ve got my Diminution Potion-
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: -so Yashee will knock that back.
Kyle: Okay, knock that back and roll me a 1d4 to see how many hours this lasts.
Ali: [die roll] Only one! Well, that’s enough time.
Kyle: One hour.
[Goodrich and Spurrier chuckle]
Goodrich: Plenty of time.
Kyle: Alright.
Goodrich: Do we fit now, Kyle?
Kyle: Uh, you- Yashee, you chug it on down and you start to shrink down with everything, and everything’s resized to benefit smaller, tiny Yashee. You start to try to squeeze in there and looks like a tight fit with two small people and one medium person squeezing in. Raz’ul, you’re trying to jam yourself in there already?
Goodrich: Yea?
Kyle: And Tabitha is watching you three… you know, shove yourselves into this thing and she’s like-
Kyle (as Tabitha): I don’t think there’s room for me.
Kyle: And she’s looking at tiny Yashee and she kind of like makes a- a pouty face and says-
[Goodrich chuckles]
Kyle (as Tabitha): Um, I’m not sure how I feel about this.
Goodrich: [chuckling] Right.
[Ali chuckles]
Kyle (as Tabitha): I- I really don’t think I’m gonna fit this by-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It’s okay. Because… [big breath] I can transform into small stuff, Tabitha.
Kyle (as Tabitha): I-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Just watch me-
Kyle (as Tabitha): -I’ve seen it happen.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): -gooooo!
Goodrich: I need a d100. [Ali laughs] I was about to roll a d20. Uhhhh, okay. Here we go. [die roll] It’s a mastiff!
Kyle: Mastiff?
Goodrich: Yea! So-
Kyle: Mastiff’s are-
Goodrich: It’s a dog!
Kyle: -medium sized dogs.
Spurrier: But-
Goodrich: Okay.
Spurrier: -they’re probably as big as you.
Ali: They’re bigger than you.
Spurrier: Yea.
Kyle: Yea.
Goodrich: Consult the Book of Armaments. What am I, a medium creature?
Spurrier: Yup.
Kyle: You’re a medium creature and you transform and Yashee and Randy, you’re in there with Raz’ul he’s kind of pushed up against the edge, he’s like, [imitating Raz’ul] “I got this!” [Ali laughs] Stranges- changes just into like a dog-
Spurrier: A giant dog.
Kyle: -and uh- yea, just like a pretty big dog and-
Goodrich: Un- unaligned though!
Kyle: Oookay!?
Goodrich: That’s cool.
Kyle: So now you’re not chaotic good.
Goodrich: Okay! So, I say-
Spurrier: I give you a pet.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, so, hang- hang on. Misfire. Standby. [die roll]
Kyle: Is that the dog voice?
Goodrich: Aw jeez.
Spurrier: Ruh-row.
Goodrich: Um, that’s a giant seahorse.
[Spurrier snickers]
Ali: Well?
Kyle: How big is a giant seahorse?
Spurrier: Yea, that is a wonderful question.
Kyle: ‘Cause, I mean, like a big sea- I mean seahorses, I would consider tiny normally, so-
Spurrier: Yea, but is this D&D giant or actual nature giant?
Goodrich: Well, I’ll tell you-
Spurrier: ‘Kay.
Kyle: Please tell me-
Goodrich: -soon as I find it.
Kyle: -what the size-
Goodrich: A large beast! Wow, so it’s like-
[all burst out laughing]
Ali: Oh wow.
Kyle: So, it’s even bigger!
Ali: And the dumbwaiter breaks.
Spurrier: You’re like crushing us.
Ali: Oh god.
Kyle: Yeah, you turn into this giant seahorse and you’re like [Ali laughs] pretty much forced into the spots that Yashee and Randy don’t inhabit-
Goodrich: Do I- do I force them out, or?
Spurrier (as Randy): Get off, get off, get off!!
Ali (as Yashee): [muffled] Get off my face!
Kyle: Yeah, it starts to force them out and you are- you realize it’s- it’s getting hard to breathe, you’re like starting to suffocate a little bit.
Goodrich: Ah, okay.
Ali (as Yashee): [muffled] So are we!
Goodrich: So, I transform- [laughs] transform out. [sigh] I don’t even know why I thought- I only had a twenty percent chance of getting something good, but you never know!
Kyle: You never know until you try the die.
[Goodrich sighs]
Ali (as Yashee): It was definitely worth it!
[Goodrich laughs]
[Ali laughs]
Goodrich: Okay-
Kyle: And so, Tabitha- she- she’s actually cracking up at this, just like-
Kyle (as Tabitha): Um, um, Raz’ul, you’ve done this before, right?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Y- well… [sighs] Can you keep a secret?
[Ali laughs]
[Spurrier and Goodrich join in]
Kyle: And she, uh, kind of looks at you sternly she’s like-
Kyle (as Tabitha): Trust me. I can keep many secrets.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I can’t control what I transform into. It’s a problem I’ve had ever since I’ve been doing this druid [big sigh] shtick. I thought I was getting better, I’m definitely not. So, yea, don’t tell Garreth I guess. Or Ilda.
Kyle (as Tabitha): I- I appreciate you confiding in me-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yea.
Kyle (as Tabitha): -and believe me, I will keep your secret.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Cool.
Spurrier (as Randy): He’s really good at talking to plants, though.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yea.
Spurrier (as Randy): So, he’s got that going for him.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Cool.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yea.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Oh, is that- is that kind of what happened in the greenhouse, then?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh… yea!
Kyle (as Tabitha): Sounded-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Kind of!
Kyle (as Tabitha): -you were making some weird-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yea, no-
Kyle (as Tabitha): -weird, sounds.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): -yea, no, that was totally it! That was me and- yea, I’m good at that. Animals, not so much. So…
Ali (as Yashee): But he keeps trying!
[all laugh]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Sure do.
Ali (as Yashee): It’s always fun.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Well, maybe one day you’ll- you’ll stick the landing, I guess.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeaaa.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Or shtick the landing.
[Spurrier chuckles]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yea.
Goodrich and Spurrier: Well-
Spurrier: -I could use my Dimensional Door, but it’d be nice to have a fourth level spell slot on hand, so…
Goodrich: You know, it’d be nice to have two transforms on hand, too.
[all laugh]
Spurrier: Yea, well a giant seahorse, that’s quite a mental, uh, image for the ages. Um…
[all laugh]
Spurrier: What if we did a song to get small?? I mean, I know Yashee’s already small, but then we could all be guaranteed to fit?
Goodrich: Ahhh.
Ali: Yea?
Goodrich: I’m into that.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Um.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Tabitha?
Kyle (as Tabitha): What?
Goodrich: We keep trying to get Tabitha to play with us. [players chuckle]
Kyle (as Tabitha): I mean I’ll- I’ll play, but what are you talking about?
Ali (as Yashee): Don’t you want to play tiny-?
Ali: I mean, sorry-
Ali (as Yashee): [high-pitched voice] Don’t you want to be tiny, Tabitha, like me?
[all laugh]
Kyle (as Tabitha): I’m gonna have to get used to that.
Goodrich: [laughing] Yea, sure!
Kyle (as Tabitha): Okay, uh…
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It doesn’t take that long. It’s cool.
Spurrier (as Randy): It’s not- it’s not the first time.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Uh, I-
Goodrich: We’re asking Kyle and Tabitha, simultaneously.
[players chuckle]
Kyle: Tabitha is stammering and like not quite understanding what you’re talking about. She’s like-
Kyle (as Tabitha): Um…
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, it’s kind of like before with the Ira Glasses and playing to let Kage go, you know, we can play these songs and it’s group magic and stuff happens and… honestly, all things considered, just making us small seems like a pretty easy order compared to some of the other stuff we’ve-
Kyle (as Tabitha): Uh-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): -done.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Yea, okay. I- I’d be interested to see more of this group magic, ‘cause I mean, all I have heard about it is- is essentially being able to redo spells we know at a more potent level. So, y’all- you’re talking about something entirely different when you talk about your group magic.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I mean-
Spurrier (as Randy): Apparently so.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Maybe?
Spurrier (as Randy): Yea.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yes, it’s kind of unclear, you know.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Oh- okay.
Kyle: And she blinks a couple times, real quick and uh, in that process, as you’re looking at her, you see her eyes, for like a split second, they’re like that gray that they were in the practice room and then they’re back to normal. And she’s like-
Kyle (as Tabitha): Oh- okay, yea. Let’s- let’s do this.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You feeling- you feeling okay? Er…
Ali (as Yashee): You- you alright?
Kyle (as Tabitha): I- I’m feeling fine, why?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh…
Spurrier (as Randy): You- you been having any chats? In your mind?
Kyle (as Tabitha): I always have a chat going on in my mind. The inner monologue is one’s way to maybe a healthy decision-making.
Spurrier (as Randy): That’s one way to put it… Yea, alright, let’s play a song.
Goodrich: Should we play the- oh no oh no!
[all laugh]
Kyle: Alright, let’s roll some dice and see what happens.
[background music fades out]
[digital transition music, “Chord Dice!” plays]
Goodrich: Alright. So, for the key…
Spurrier: [sing-song] For the key!
[die roll]
Kyle: [deep voice] For the key.
Goodrich: An eleven!
Spurrier: Oh jeez.
Goodrich: A sharp!
Kyle: Alright.
Goodrich: Or B flat.
Kyle: Yea, thank you. [laughs]
Spurrier: Let’s do- let’s do B flat.
Goodrich: You’re welcome.
Spurrier: Don’t want all those double-
Kyle: ‘Cause everyone’s gonna be-
Spurrier: -double sharps.
Kyle: -cursing your name.
Goodrich: No, c’mon, I mean, woodwinds? I’m all about A sharp, it’s all good.
[Ali chuckles]
Goodrich: Anyways, uh, so. Time signature?
Spurrier: Uh…
Kyle: Ooh.
Goodrich: What do we wanna do? 5/4?
Spurrier: Sss-
Goodrich: We haven’t done 5/4 in a while?
Kyle: Your pick.
Spurrier: We’ve only done it once, yea.
Goodrich: Yea. I’m down. I’m down to do it.
Ali: Yea.
Kyle: But wouldn’t 5/4 fractionally make you bigger?
Goodrich: Uhhhh… well, would you take that into account when we play?
[players laugh]
Kyle: I don’t know. Maybe you should take that into account.
Spurrier: Well, then technically we should have to play in 3/4, ‘cause it’s the only one-
Goodrich: I was about to say.
Spurrier: -that would make us smaller.
Goodrich: Yea-
Ali: Hmm.
Goodrich: -‘cause now Kyle is rolling his percentile [all laugh] dice, so… I’m down.
Kyle: I- choose whatever you want to choose, I-
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: I’m just messing with you.
Goodrich: Okay. No, no, I feel like-
Kyle: [quietly] Or am I?
Goodrich: I was about to say, I don’t know, I feel like Kyle says he’s messing with us, but then when he tells us that percentage…
Kyle: It’s just my job as a DM to put fear in you a little bit.
Goodrich: It’s true. You do that.
Spurrier: He does a fantastic job.
Goodrich: Regularly.
Kyle: Thank you.
[all chuckle]
Goodrich: Ah, okay. 3/4 or 4/4? I’m gonna vote for either of those.
Spurrier: So not five?
Goodrich: I- well- Kyle’s being-
Ali: There’s five of us.
Goodrich: He’ll find me out!
Kyle: Please don’t let it lemon your- lemon.
Spurrier: Mm.
Kyle: Don’t let it lemon your artistic flavor.
Goodrich: Mm. So sour.
Kyle: Of lemon.
Ali: I’d say 5/4 or just a regular roll.
[pause]
Goodrich: Wow, this is good stuff.
Ali: Yea.
Goodrich: Okay. 5/4. Let’s just-
Goodrich, Ali, and Spurrier: -do it.
Goodrich: Kyle is just-
Spurrier: Do it.
Goodrich: -yanking our chain.
Ali: Alright.
Kyle: Okay. So major or minor?
Goodrich: Oh.
Ali: Uh, minor, ‘cause we’re getting smaller?
Spurrier: Yes.
Goodrich: Yes, yes. Counteract-
Kyle: Alright.
Goodrich: -any Kyle-
Kyle: Roll ‘em up.
[dice rolls]
Goodrich: -shenanigans.
[die roll]
[Spurrier chuckles]
Goodrich: Wow. Okay.
Spurrier: Wonderful.
Ali: Ah, the best roll!
[Kyle laughs]
Goodrich: So, two A diminished, two F’s-
Spurrier: And, of course, a B flat minor.
Goodrich: B flat minor.
Spurrier: And the F can be minor too, if we want, so.
Goodrich: If we really wanted, so.
Kyle: Sure.
Spurrier: [big sigh] Oh jeez.
Goodrich: Okay! Drums!
Ali: Alright, well, I just have to roll my d10’s since there’s only like five patterns to choose from.
Kyle: Yea.
Ali: So. [die roll] It is a two.
Goodrich: Okay.
Ali: Which will be…. Funk 7!
Goodrich: Ahh.
Ali: In 5.
Goodrich: Funky five!
Spurrier: Okay.
Ali: So, we’ll see what happens.
Kyle: Can we get a good kit?
Ali: Oh, right! The kit! Ah!
Goodrich: Ah, ah, oh jeez!
[all chuckle]
Ali: [die roll] Thirty-seven.
Spurrier: Stay on target.
Ali: Alright, here we go- oh, oh, oh. Jazz 6!
Goodrich: Ahh.
Ali: Alright.
Spurrier: Play that funky jazz five.
Ali: Funky jazz.
Kyle: Cool cool cool.
Goodrich: Jazz five!
Kyle: Well. Get at it. Listeners, talk to you in a moment.
[digital riff transition]
[song from Vol 1 OST, “Middle Bit” begins]
Kyle: Hey everyone, it’s your Dungeon Maestro Kyle, here. Just thank you for listening to our show. Uh, we appreciate you tuning in every other week and joining our bards on their adventure. Let me get the special news out of the way, which, you already know about it, ‘cause last week, we released OST Vol 3. That’s on our Bandcamp along with a couple weeks ago when we released Chaos Sauce Vol 3. So, if you haven’t heard or somehow don’t know, those are available at bombarded.bandcamp.com. You can download those at pay what you want. And uh, just have a great time listening to all the music we’ve created. That’s all we want people to do anyways. So, uh, have at it.
Kyle (continued): Um, I got a sponsor this week that I want to talk to y’all about. And uh, we’re gonna- we’re gonna jump ahead a little bit. Blaze a trail into the future ‘cause one billion years in the future, things have gotten… kind of weird. Quest Friends! is a farcical Numenera roleplaying podcast that explores friendship and family, within that absurdity. Five best friends are working together to tell the story of four soon-to-be best friends as they struggle against celebrity CEOs, disgraced magicians, and their own emotional hang-ups. Important stuff to work through. All important things to work through.
Kyle (continued): The episodes are tightly edited, the comedy is kept good spirited, and the puns never, ever end. Which, seriously, I’ve listened to a few episodes and it’s- it’s a good time. I think you’re gonna dig it, especially if you’re- if you’re into that pun work, which, you know we are. So, uh, you can find their episodes and transcripts and a summary of the show so far if you go to questfriendspodcast.com. Or on your favorite podcasting app, just search for them, Quest Friends. I’m sure you’ll- they’ll pop up for ya. But I have to say, there isn’t a better time to hop in than now. So, check it out.
Kyle (continued): And uh- just to- just to air some extra news we got for ya. Wizards of the Coast is gonna be premiering a new storyline called The Descent. That’s happening May 17th through the 19th. You can find the information about all this at dnd.wizards.com/dndlive2019. Now what this’ll be- this’ll be very similar to what they did last year with The Stream of Many Eyes. They’ll have a bunch of guests come on and do a bunch of you know, different streams at their Twitch channel which is twitch.tv/dnd. So, if you want to be able to check all that out, there are tickets available on the website at wizards.com that I mentioned. Or, if you’re not able to make it, tune in! I watched last year’s Stream of Many Eyes and it looked like a blast.
Kyle (continued): So, uh, but why am I talking about it, you’re asking yourself, I’m sure. And I just want to let you know that Goodrich and myself are going to be going out to it and we’ll be attending. So, we are very excited to be able to participate in this and uh, go out there and do our thing. So, if you want to check out more information, again, that’s dnd.wizards.com/dndlive2019. There are tickets available to purchase if you can make it out to it. And again, if not, check out twitch.tv/dnd at 4pm Pacific on May 17th.
Kyle (continued): That’s all the details I have for ya, right now. But, if you tune into these middle bits in the future, I’m sure I’ll have more deets to lay on ya then. Talk to you later.
[music fades out]
[digital riff transition]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright, so Tabitha?
Kyle (as Tabitha): Yea, what’s up?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So, we’re gonna do a little something in B flat minor, using only [chuckling] B flat minor, F, and A diminished.
Ali (as Yashee): And it’s gonna be in five!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yea, it’s gonna be in five.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Oka-? Alright, yea.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yea, yea, yea. [Ali laughs] So uh, check it out. So, part of the words like you and I are gonna sing, ‘cause we just want to shrink the two of us down, to fit in the elevator.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Okay.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So, Yashee and-
Goodrich: Which, I guess, above the table, like, Kyle, Yashee and Randy are already small? ‘Cause she took the potion?
Kyle: Yeah. Technically, yeah.
Goodrich: So, we’re just gonna shrink Tabitha and me down-
Ali: Yup.
Goodrich: -to small since we’re technically medium. So…
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So, Tabitha, yea. How’s that sound? We’re-
Kyle (as Tabitha): I- I’ll try to keep up, best I can.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay. Cool.
Spurrier (as Randy): Tabitha, if you could whip out that sweet flute thing and-
Kyle: She whips it out no problem.
Spurrier (as Randy): -tear it down some?
Kyle (as Tabitha): Oh, absolutely. Ready to go.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yea, we got a spot for your solo in the middle.
Goodrich: And then I hand her a piece of paper, I guess, I scratch the lyrics on, I-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Here you go. [chuckles]
Kyle (as Tabitha): Aw, thanks, ‘preciate it. Thanks.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So, yea. You’re gonna follow along and uh, we should be good to go, I think. Probably.
Spurrier (as Randy): One two three four five!
[intro of song, “Ep 35, to Be Small,” begins]
Kyle (as Tabitha) and Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [singing]
Give us just a few minutes to be small
long enough to get down and that is all
Bring the two of us down a little bit
Just enough so that our four bodies fit
[music interlude]
Ali (as Yashee) and Spurrier (as Randy): [singing]
Give ‘em just a few minutes be small
Long enough to get down and that is all
Take the tallest two down a little bit
Just enough so that our four bodies fit
[song finishes]
Kyle: Alright, alright. So, you’ve- you’re [instrumental version of “Ep 35, to Be Small” begins] playing your song and, of course, your instruments do the lighty-up thing.
Goodrich: Yea, yea.
Kyle: Magical vespers go out and what-not. Nothing happens with Tabitha. But she’s kind of giving, you know, giving you weird side eyes as this is happening [Goodrich chuckles] and music is swirling all around you. And with the lyrics, I feel like you’ve made your intent pretty clear. There’s always-
[music fades out]
Goodrich: Yeah?
Kyle: -in music-
[players laugh]
Goodrich: There’s always?
Kyle: -there’s always an amount. There’s some, you know, small bit of misinterpretation-
Goodrich: Right.
Kyle: -allotted for in music-
Goodrich: Sure.
Kyle: -so, I will say that there is an eighty percent success rate.
Goodrich: That sounds pretty good.
Spurrier: Alright.
Kyle: Now, do you want it to be eighty and below or twenty and above?
Ali: Can we do like zero through forty and sixty to a hundred?
Goodrich: Oh. Okay!
Kyle: Sure.
[all laugh]
Kyle: You make- so the twenty percent failure falls between forty and sixty it sounds like-
Goodrich: You gotta roll it out here, so we can see!
Kyle: I am-
Ali: How about forty-
Goodrich: That’s all I’m-
Ali: Forty-one and sixty.
[die roll]
Goodrich: It’s eighteen!
[Ali sighs]
Goodrich: Yay!
Kyle: Okay.
Spurrier: Phew!
Kyle: You’re good to go. Everything works out as it needs to. [background music starts: “Ep 32, A Makeshift Infirmary, Mvt. II”] Tabitha and Raz’ul begin to shrink on down to a smaller size and eventually end up about the size of- maybe a little bit shorter thannn Randy.
Spurrier (as Randy): Well, well-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [high-pitched voice] This is great!
Spurrier (as Randy): -well.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [high-pitched voice] How’s it going?
Goodrich: And I punch him in the stomach.
[all laugh]
Kyle: You punch him in the stomach?
Goodrich: Yea, I grab him, and I give him a little noogie?
Kyle: Uh…
Goodrich: You’re gonna make me roll damage on a noogie, Kyle?
Kyle: Nope. But you punch him in the stomach and-
Goodrich: No, a playful punch, you know!
Kyle: Randy, you hear in your head-
Goodrich: Like this!
Spurrier: Oh no.
[Goodrich splutters]
Kyle: Yea, you do that.
Goodrich: Damage for that, Kyle?
[background music fades out]
Kyle: And you hear Eddie say-
Kyle (as Eddie): [distorted voice] Randy, are you gonna take that?
Goodrich: [under breath] Are you serious?
[background music starts]
Kyle (as Eddie): [distorted voice] Are you gonna let him punch you in the stomach, that’s where I come from. Are you going to let him desecrate our sacred transition spot?
Spurrier (as Randy): Eugh, gross. I don’t know what that means.
[Ali laughs]
Goodrich: [chuckling] Just say no.
Spurrier: I mean-
Goodrich: Or yes, I guess?
Spurrier: -I don’t want to, but- but I have to roll…
Kyle (as Eddie): [distorted voice] Oh! Hmm…
Spurrier: [die roll] That’s an eight plus one?
Goodrich: When are you gonna pass one of these?
[all laugh]
Kyle: Ah, so uh-
Goodrich: Golly.
Kyle: -Randy, Raz’ul goes and like gives you some tummy punches and without even knowing it, your Mage Hand comes out [Goodrich chuckles] and just grabs Raz’ul’s hand, pulls it down, causing him to faceplant into the ground.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Eughhhhhh!
Ali (as Yashee): Awh.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Dude!
Ali (as Yashee): At least you’re a little closer to the ground!
Kyle (as Eddie): [distorted voice] Don’t let him touch the tummy.
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay…
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No- no tummy touches-
Spurrier (as Randy): No-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Got it.
Spurrier (as Randy): -no.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Jeez.
[Spurrier chuckles]
Goodrich: Do I take damage or?
Kyle: No.
Goodrich: Oh phew.
Kyle: No, you just look a fool.
[all laugh]
Spurrier: The Mage Hand pats you on the head.
Kyle: Yea.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Th- thanks, Eddie.
Kyle: It does do that. [Spurrier chuckles]
Goodrich: Alright, are we in the elevator yet? [chuckles] Good lord.
Kyle: You crawl up in there. [background music fades out] And all of you can fit now.
Goodrich: Alright!
Kyle: Close it up.
Goodrich: Yup.
Kyle: Taking the- taking that little freight elevator down.
Goodrich: Do we get a little bit of the bassoons from Ipanema?
[Spurrier plays snippet from “The Girl From Ipanema”]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ah.
Ali (as Yashee): Ahh. Always nice. This feels like going home.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh huh.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Oh, I love that one.
Spurrier: [stops playing] And so on.
Goodrich: Great.
Kyle: Okay, so, uh. [background music starts] You ride down for a little while. It only takes a few minutes before you feel the, uh, the freight elevator stop.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: And you can see it opens up to where there’s a- a rollup door.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: So, uh, what are you doing?
Goodrich: We’re still small?
Kyle: Yea, you’re still small, so far.
Goodrich: Okay.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, we should probably, you know, uh…
Ali (as Yashee): P- peek?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yea, sneak out there at-
Ali (as Yashee): I’ll take a little peek.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): -what’s going on.
Kyle: Who is taking a peek?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Randy!
Spurrier (as Randy): I will!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): ‘Cause, yea.
Kyle: Would you like to do so in a manner befitting the situation?
Goodrich: Sneaky.
Spurrier: A sneaky stealthy manner?
Kyle: [chuckles] Yeah.
Spurrier: Sure! [die roll] [sighs] Unprecedented.
Goodrich: Did you get another twenty?
Spurrier: Hang on.
Goodrich: Wow.
[Spurrier plays the “oh yeah” chorus a la “Star-Spangled Banner”]
[all laugh]
Spurrier: Very patriotic.
Kyle: Yeah.
Spurrier: Alright.
Goodrich: Nice.
Kyle: Okay, yeah, you slide this open so slow and it’s really quiet, despite it being like a metal door and whatnot. You just- you find the right way to do it, amazingly.
Ali: Brought that WD-40.
Spurrier: That’s right.
Kyle: Yea, right? [makes spraying noises] [deep voice] But what ya need to do…
[all laugh]
Kyle: Yea, so, yea, you- you start to open it up and immediately you hear the shuffling of feet. And you see out there, it’s a large swath of construction workers that appear to be infected. However, as you’re looking around, and peeking through, you notice that there’s two people who are not construction workers. You notice the front desk person that you met in episode five-
[all laugh]
Spurrier: Oh jeez.
Kyle: -who you lied to about being Mr. Read. You see them.
Goodrich: They’re back! [Spurrier chuckles]
Kyle: And you notice one- the other person that stands out is just kind of dancing in the middle, by themself, very clumsily, of course, as is, you know, the way these infected people move. But you notice it’s- it’s Symbol.
Spurrier and Goodrich: Oh jeez.
Kyle: He looks infected but he’s like kind of dancing around and not acting like any of the other ones.
Spurrier: Huh.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, at least he’s havin’ a good time!
Spurrier: Yea, well I guess I have to tell you guys.
Goodrich: Ohhh.
Spurrier (as Randy): Uh, Symbol is out there and dancing and infected. And-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, at least he’s havin’ a good time!
[all laugh]
Spurrier (as Randy): [inhale] I guess? Yeah? Um…
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, what should we-
Ali (as Yashee): How many are out there?
Spurrier: How many are out there, Kyle?
Kyle: Uh…
Spurrier: At least from what I can tell.
Kyle: Probably a score. About twenty.
Spurrier and Goodrich: Oh.
Kyle: Including the two that- that are not construction workers.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [nasal, high-pitched voice] Alright, so should we like sneak out, I guess?
Spurrier (as Randy): [sighs] I guess, yea.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [nasal, high-pitched voice] Alright-
Spurrier (as Randy): There’s like twenty.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [nasal, high-pitched voice] Yea, lemme do a stealth roll, for ya.
Ali (as Yashee): Okay.
Goodrich: I don’t know how to do a high voice in-
Ali (as Yashee): [high-pitched voice] Just do… [unintelligible]
Kyle: Sounds like you’re doing a high voice now.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [high-pitched voice] Okay!
[die roll]
Spurrier: You sound like a Homestar character.
Goodrich: [chuckling] Yea.
Spurrier: I can’t think of who it is.
Kyle: Great, jerb!
[die roll]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [high-pitched voice, garbled] Such a good cup of coffee!
Kyle: T- Tabitha [die roll] is gonna sneak out with you as well. Oh! Good job, Tabitha.
Goodrich: So, I got a nine plus JOAT. Ten.
Ali: Mine is a eighteen plus JOAT.
Spurrier: Eighteen plus nine.
Kyle: Okay. Tabitha, uh… actually. Considering everyone’s still small right now, you’re able to sneak out and seems you’ve gone unnoticed, despite the amount that are in this group.
Goodrich: Ohhhh. Okay.
Kyle: This opening is in the corner of one the uh- one of the hallways and you look down to the left and you can see down to your left, you see an open room-
Goodrich: Uh huh.
Kyle: -and it’s the room that construction workers were going in and out of in that earlier episode I mentioned. And you notice the exit is also down that way.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [slightly high-pitched voice] Head on to where those construction workers-
Ali (as Yashee): Head on-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): -are.
Kyle: Mkay. So, you all begin creeping your way out into the hallway and as soon as you step in, like there’s this waft of air that comes through. And it smells like… a hot dumpster filled with old food-
Goodrich: Nice.
Kyle: -on a Texas summer day.
Spurrier: Oh.
Goodrich: Uhhh. You remember that dumpster we-
Kyle: Ohhhh yeah.
Goodrich: -shared… [chuckling] Yeah.
Kyle: Yeah, that was bad.
Goodrich: We shared it with like a bunch of restaurants that had a bunch of raw food.
Ali: So that’s the inspiration here.
Goodrich: Yea.
Kyle: It is.
[Ali laughs]
Goodrich: Kind of giving me-
Ali: He can taste it-
Kyle: Nothing like crushing boxes at that job.
Goodrich: No. I don’t want to talk about it.
Ali: Can taste it.
[all laugh]
Goodrich: It was the worst.
Kyle: Yeah, it just smells like really terrible food.
Goodrich: Okay. So-
Kyle: Not terrible food. Rotten food.
Goodrich: Right. Yea, it was probably good at one point. Anyways, so… that’s awesome and it’s terrible. As we continue to walk, right?
Kyle: So, you’re sneaking on?
Goodrich: Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
Ali (as Yashee): Let’s go towards that smell! Doesn’t smell great but-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It’s a smell!
Ali (as Yashee): It’s probably right!
Kyle: Mkay. So, you’re walking and uh, you’re slowly but surely like moving your way in between all of these infected construction workers.
Goodrich: Mhm.
Kyle: And you notice you’re getting closer to where Symbol is before you get to the door.
Spurrier: Yup.
Kyle: Any interactions with Symbol?
Goodrich: Ohhh.
Ali: [whispering] Man. Take it.
Goodrich: Get some hairrr.
[Spurrier chuckles]
Ali (as Yashee): [whispering] From his leg! Right? The hair!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yea? Oh jeez.
Goodrich: You did this on purpose, I know you did. It’s a trap. It’s a trap, look at him! Look at him over here!
Spurrier: Looking like Admiral Ackbar.
Goodrich: Yea.
Ali: Can your Unseen Servant take the hair?
Goodrich: [sharp inhale] They can!
Ali: We- we could get a little further out-
Goodrich: Yeaa. Yup, yup.
Spurrier: My Mage Hand probably could too.
Goodrich: Alright, so let’s get thirty feet past Symbol. I mean, there’s nothing we can do for him right now, right? I assume? Kyle?
Ali: Uh, we could spray him.
Spurrier: That’ll just cause problems, I’m sure.
Ali: Yea, yea. Best to just get the hair.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Ali: And go. [chuckles]
Goodrich: Just get the hair.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [high-pitched voice] Hey, hey, hey, so. When we get this hair, though. No one tell Splash about this, okay?
Ali (as Yashee): Tabitha, you- y-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Tabitha-
Ali (as Yashee): -you got that?
Kyle (as Tabitha): Oh? Alright. I- I don’t want to know.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yea, no-
Spurrier (as Randy): That’s probably for the best.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Honestly.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yea.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): We’ll tell you later. Probably, once this is all over, why we’re getting all this hair. But dah…
Kyle (as Tabitha): All what hair?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh! Hey! Uh…
Ali (as Yashee): Oh, just all his-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Don’t worry about it!
Ali (as Yashee): We’re playing a big joke on him for his birthday, okay!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah!
Ali (as Yashee): Just keep it quiet!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It’s a big thing-
Kyle (as Tabitha): Oh, okay.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): -the whole school’s in on it. It’ll be super funny.
Spurrier (as Randy): Gonna make some treats with his hair in it.
[pause]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What?
Kyle (as Tabitha): Hair treats?
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, hair-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No.
Spurrier (as Randy): -treats!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Try again.
Spurrier (as Randy): It’ll be fine.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Doesn’t matter.
Goodrich: So, okay, we go thirty feet past him.
Kyle: Okay. You’re able to sneak down and you’re pretty much- thirty feet would take you past the entrance of the uh, of the basement.
Goodrich: Gotcha.
Kyle: Uh, and pretty much gets you almost to that open door.
Goodrich: Great. Okay. It’s open so…
Kyle: And as you get closer, that smell intensifies.
Goodrich: Yup!
Kyle: It is smelling horrid down here.
Goodrich: But even through our little masks?
Kyle: Yea.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: Yea.
Spurrier: Um, so, since it’s a special rogue Mage Hand, can I do like sleight of hand to be a bit more-
Kyle: Uh, yeah, give me a sleight of hand check if you’re wanting to try to be-
Spurrier: Kay. [die roll]
Kyle: -sneaky with it.
Spurrier: That is a sixteen plus nine.
Kyle: Okay, yea, uh, you’re able to get some hair and, of course, uh… [background music fades out] there’s a reaction. If anybody- I feel like if anybody pulls your hair, there’s some kind of reaction, now whether they see who does it or who did it-
Spurrier: Right.
Kyle: -that’s a whole ‘nother thing. I think you definitely got away with not being noticed as far as this goes. But I think it still elicits a reaction-
Spurrier: Mmhm.
Kyle: -of some sorts.
Spurrier: Sure.
Kyle: So, what this reaction is, [background music starts: “Ep 35, Infected Waltz”] is, Symbol stops, he’s- he’s doing a very particular waltz in the middle of this group, just kind of by himself, dancing it out as clumsily as one of these, uh, infected have been, but still rather impressive for the, you know, dexterity that these things have. Symbol kind of reacts to the hair going and like spins around and looks different ways. And you see that like he’s starting to breathe a little heavy but doesn’t do the spore thing. You notice that he starts doing a very provocative dance-
Spurrier: Uhh.
Kyle: -like undulating and [players chuckle] moving in certain ways.
Goodrich: Woah!
Kyle: And then, uh, shrinks down, goes into a crouch and then popcorns out.
[all laugh]
Kyle: Um, and at that moment, nothing happens.
[all laugh]
Goodrich: Okay!
Kyle: And you see, uh, the look on Symbol’s face is- it changes from just being kind of normal to having this sort of like sullen look to it. And his head hangs down. And uh… give me a perception check to- I want to see if you hear what- [die roll] what happens next. [die roll]
Ali: Twelve.
Spurrier: Eleven plus three.
Goodrich: Eleven.
Kyle: Mkay. I don’t think any of you hear this because it’s uh, it sounds like he’s trying to say something. It’s in a very scratchy voice but you hear him mouthing something, but you can’t make out what he’s saying. It looks- it looks like he’s just like trying to get one word out.
Goodrich: Oh.
Spurrier: Huh.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uhh, can’t bear to see him like this. Let’s go. [chuckles]
Kyle: Alright, so where’re you going?
[players chuckle]
[background music fades out]
Goodrich: Into- into the door, right?
Spurrier: I- yeah, I guess.
Kyle: Okay. [background music starts: “Ep 35, What a Nasty Freezer”] So you walk into this room and immediately you can tell that this room has not been refrigerated properly-
Goodrich: Right.
Kyle: -as much as it was supposed to be, this is obviously where the smell of like just horridness is coming from. And uh, you notice in the corner of this room, of course there’s like different shelves with different perishable items on it. All of them seem to have, you know, if there’s fresh vegetables, they’ve wilted. Uh, anything that is perishable is starting to go. But specifically, and it stands out super obvious, in the corner of this room there is a large mound of molded-over food. And I mean, I’m talking about- it looks like there are fungus growing off of it-
Goodrich: Ugh.
Kyle: -it’s so molded. And it’s gone kind of purplish in hue and like parts of it are oozing. Very, very nasty. Uh, and this is obvious, where the smell is coming from.
Goodrich: It’s like Pizza the Hutt made out of mold.
Kyle: Yeah, a little bit-
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: -yeah.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: That’s a good visualization.
Goodrich: Eugh.
Kyle: Yeah, it’s a big mound of pizza-y nasty mold.
Goodrich: Uh-
Ali: Anything else in the room or?
Kyle: Uh, yeah, you notice on the ceiling are two ventilation, uh, shafts. One of them has the grate over it while the other one, it looks like the grate has fallen off. It’s hanging from the ceiling. And you notice near that, there is a trail of slime that obviously has entered into it.
Goodrich: Nice.
Ali: Is the slime coming from that pile, that moldy pile?
Kyle: You actually trace the slime back, it looks like it makes a trail all the way to the back of the moldy pile of rotting food.
Ali: Oh.
Spurrier: Almost if like something maybe came out of the pile?
Kyle: Maybe just a little bit, yea.
Spurrier (as Randy): Gross! It’s a nest. Let’s burn it.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yea, we may have hit the motherlode.
Goodrich: And, I mean, we can kinda infer that, if you’re able to get into the vents- ‘cause none of us are like experts in ventilation units and stuff, we can probably infer that if you get into the vent from here, it could go to anywhere in the school.
Kyle: One would imagine.
Goodrich: Right.
Ali: Yashee has a construction background at this point.
Goodrich: That’s true.
[all laugh]
Ali: I can probably suss that out.
Goodrich: [imitating Yashee] Yeah, I minored in construction at bard school.
[laughter]
Goodrich: So-
Kyle: Just to fill all our plot holes here, right?
[players chuckle]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So. Destroying this.
Kyle: Okay.
Spurrier (as Randy): I’m gonna cast Fire Bolt at it.
Ali: Fire?!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): W- Whoa! Okay?!
Kyle: You’re talking about it and you’re thinking about it and as you’re thinking and talking, Raz’ul and Tabitha start to grow back to regular size.
Goodrich: [chuckling] Oh yea. Ah, that’s probably for the best.
Kyle: Yashee, you’re still-
Ali (as Yashee): [high-pitched voice] Aw man.
Kyle: -still tiny.
Ali (as Yashee): [high-pitched voice] I was having a lot of fun.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ah, don’t worry about it. You’ll be normal in what, an hour?
Goodrich: Do I know that?
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Who knows. Okay.
Kyle: In a little while.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay. So, you’re gonna burn the thing-
Spurrier (as Randy): Yea.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): -right? Okay. Well, maybe we should stand back, possibly not in this room? Maybe?
Spurrier (as Randy): Eh, there’s all those people out there, though, we don’t want to draw-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ohhh-
Spurrier (as Randy): -attention either.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): -kay!
Ali (as Yashee): [high-pitched voice] Do you want to spray it with some spray first and then burn it?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): [high-pitched voice] Just to like, double down?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Is there cooking spray in here?
Spurrier (as Randy): Well, our pymaricin spray.
[players laugh]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): OH! That’s what I meant. Yup.
[background music fades out]
Kyle: It is food-
Goodrich: I definitely didn’t do this in Boy Scouts… Sure.
Spurrier: Ah, makes you wonder if pymaricin spray is like when you take a little can of aerosol and then put a lighter in front of it.
Goodrich: That’s what we used to do.
Ali: Ahhh.
Spurrier: We could do that.
Goodrich: That was really dangerous.
Spurrier: Alright. Why don’t one of you guys spray it and I’ll launch a fireball into it- er, a Fire Bolt into it.
Kyle: I- I don’t know if pimaricin is flammable, like in legit real life.
Spurrier: Oh.
Ali: Look it up.
Goodrich: Is it a legit real thing?
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Pymaricin spray?
Ali, Goodrich, and Spurrier: Oh!
Kyle: It’s technically for- I mean, I’ve been waiting for someone to be like, “That’s for eye fungus, Kyle!”
Goodrich: Oh.
Ali: Ah!
Spurrier: Ah.
Kyle: And it’s like yeah, I don’t care.
[all chuckle]
Goodrich: Yea, I’ve just been going along with like, oh, clearly Kyle knows something about pymaricin ‘cause I don’t know what that is.
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: I just looked up some antifungal medication. [chuckles]
Ali: Alright. Well, I looked it up and on the safety data sheet, it says, “no data,” as far as if it’s flammable or not, so-
Spurrier: Oh, wait, I just did some more research.
Ali: Oh!
Spurrier: And it says, under fire, it can “emit toxic fumes.” So, I guess it can burn.
Kyle: Okay?
Spurrier: So.
Kyle: Well then, I don’t think that’d be good for y’all, but-
Spurrier: Well-
Ali: No, maybe we shouldn’t…
Goodrich: I mean, if we have respirators on.
Kyle: True! I tell you what, since I’m using it for a totally different purpose in my world, uh, let’s just roll some dice and if it’s- if it’s on the high end, then we’ll say yes. Just for fun. Just to see what happens.
Spurrier: Okay!
Goodrich: Okay. I’ll roll my d100-
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: -that’s so kind-
Kyle: Why don’t you roll a d100.
Goodrich: -to me all the time. [die roll]
Kyle: So high, it’s flammable.
Goodrich: It is!
Spurrier: Ninety-three!
Goodrich: Ninety-three!
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: So-
Ali and Kyle: -flammable.
Goodrich: It’s so flammable.
Spurrier: Cool!
Goodrich: And the toxic fumes are filtered out by our masks?
Kyle: Yes.
Ali: Thank goodness.
Spurrier: Apparently in real life, you’re not supposed to breathe the stuff anyways, so-
Goodrich: Oh…
Kyle: Good.
Goodrich: Good thing we’re making a cure out of it!
[all laugh]
Spurrier: I’ve been spraying it everywhere!
Goodrich: All in people’s faces!
[Kyle bursts out laughing]
Kyle: I guess I should’ve done more research as a DM.
Ali: Nah, it’s fine!
Kyle: Whateva!
Ali: It’s fine. It works.
Goodrich: You went to bard school, not… chemistry school?
Kyle: Mine’s pymaricin with a y-
Goodrich: Oh!
Spurrier: Ah.
Kyle: -not an i.
Ali: Ooh.
Kyle: Ooohh.
Goodrich: Right, okay. [Kyle chuckles] Alright, so Fire Bolt it up, I guess, uh…
Kyle: You’re gonna Fire Bolt up, Spurrier?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Here, I’m gonna start spraying.
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay.
Goodrich: And do I need to do an attack roll? ‘Cause I’m not moving, so…
Kyle: I- you know what? Just- just to make it happen, roll me an attack roll. It should be really easy. Like [die roll] just don’t roll a one.
Goodrich: It’s a nineteen!
Kyle: Cool, yeah, you get it, no problem.
Goodrich: Great.
Spurrier: And I’ll do one too. [die roll] Let’s see here, that is a nineteen plus five.
Goodrich: Wow.
Kyle: Okay, yeah, totally.
Goodrich: Nineteen bros!
Kyle: So-
Spurrier: Ahhh!
[background music resumes]
Kyle: So, you begin spraying, your Fire Bolt erupts from your… bellybutton?
Spurrier: Oh yeah.
Kyle: Yup.
Goodrich: [laughing] Oh ho, oh my god!
Kyle: Of course it does. Uh, and-
Goodrich: That’s the best visual ever!
Kyle: That’s just the way you cast your spells.
Spurrier: I know. That’s true!
Kyle: That’s why we don’t punch the tummy!
Goodrich: Yeah, I know! It’s just now that I’ve seen it become a flamethrower it’s like, yea, I’m never touching that again. That’s for sure.
[players chuckle]
Kyle: Yeah-
Spurrier: Yeah.
Kyle: -it uh, bursts forth and uh, covers this large mound of mold and you see it start to like swell and decrease and swell again. And you hear this like [zombie type sound] eughhhhh!
Ali: Yes.
Kyle: -sound out of it.
Spurrier: Oh no.
Kyle: And as you do, you begin to hear a [sucking sounds]-
Goodrich: Ugh.
Kyle: -and you notice from the vents above you, this purple ooze starts to drop down, a little bit from the one that’s closed, and alotta bit from the one that’s open. And as they fall, they begin to morph and coalesce into one large ooze. And it is finally- you see this ooze creature form and it’s almost a transparent violet color with different colored fungus growing off of it. Looks like there’s, you know, something embedded deep within it that’s just, you know- almost like the amoeba-like creature from the Water Temple curse it-
Goodrich: Yeah. [chuckles]
Kyle: But, uh- but yeah, essentially, you have this large mound of fungus-y violet ooze that has landed near the pile of mold as if to protect it. And then you hear Tabitha yell out-
Kyle (as Tabitha): Look out!
Kyle: And she runs forward with her pymaricin spray, trying to spray it. But she slips on some of the ooze that falls, and you see the ooze just start to mold over her-
Ali (as Yashee): Noooooo!
Kyle: -and consume her body. And we’re gonna pick it up next time.
[background music finishes as the episode ends]