Ep. 30 – Going the Dizztance

[BomBARDed theme song plays]

Kyle: Hey everyone, welcome back to BomBARDed. I’m gonna recap last episode real quick. [recap background music starts] Uh, there was not much to it other than our bards making their way down into the Tomb of the Dizz. Fought a few skeletons, got in a little bit of a hustle and a tussle there.

Goodrich: Yeah

Kyle: And, uh—

Goodrich: They were just normal right?

Kyle: Yeah, just normal skeletons. Though they were wearing a little nicer robes but they were old and tattered, so—

Goodrich: You got all of us, I’m pretty sure all of us were like these are special skeletons somehow.

Kyle: Uh, yeah—

Goodrich: Nope, nope.

Kyle: Yeah, but after that, you managed to, uh, solve a little bit of a puzzle to get the casket to move open leading further down into the tomb.

Goodrich: More music theory, thanks Kyle.

Kyle: Mmhm, yeah, which speaking of which, I don’t think we addressed it—

Goodrich (laughing): We’re just gonna go with it, oh my gosh—

Kyle: —uh, that was like if everyone’s ever done, uh, pitch class theory where, you know, they pretty much take every note from- from C to C and assign it as a number, C being zero [Ali chuckles] and one, two, three… zero through eleven essentially. [Goodrich mutters under his breath] And you just circle around. It’s really cool because, you know, you look at it as a flat and then when you actually look at it from a three-dimensional, it’s a helix going up.

Goodrich: Oh sorry, what was that Kyle?

Kyle: It’s music theory. [players laugh]

Goodrich: [laughs] I’m so sorry, I’m just playing—

Kyle: So yeah, I mean that’s the whole thing is, you know, the number was a pattern and if you start a pattern on a note and eventually move your way up, you’re gonna get the right answer, so, that’s—

Spurrier: Yeah—

Kyle: —that’s the kind of, the workaround that we talked about last time.

Spurrier: Yeah, I mean we knew it was a pattern, just none of us had learned that C was supposed to be zero—

Ali: Zero.

Kyle: Yeah.

Spurrier: We kind of had to brute force it—

Goodrich: Yeah. Kyle talked to- talked to us afterwards like what it was and we were like that’s cool…

Kyle: Yeah… [players laugh] We- we all had different, uh Theory IV teachers, which makes a difference.

Goodrich: Yeah… apparently so…

Kyle: Apparently so… [Kyle and Goodrich laugh] Yeah, but uh, moving on from that, they went down further into the Tomb and got stuck in there because they triggered something that made the coffin go back over the opening. And when you got down in there, of course you got into the hallway that had all the engravings on the left side and the right side showed the different images, and the four images on the right depicting, you know, angelic beings and some kind of creation and all that biz. And while looking at these engravings on the wall, uh, one of you—I can’t remember right offhand who—but one- one of you noticed that there was a mechanical spider that was above the wall and it began to speak to you. And it wasn’t shortly afterwards that you realized that this was Wesley.

[Spurrier sighs]

Kyle: You played a song to be able to [Goodrich also sighs] continue through the door at the end of the hallway. That worked out perfectly and your music actually brought to life the images that you had seen and it’s like the magic worked into the walls and made some gears turn that opened the door and made moving pictures. But, after the door opened, the doorway filled with this translucent light and film that you walked through and as you were walking through, you noticed there were these arcanic runes that lined the inside of the doorjamb. You walked through into this large, open area—

Kyle [continues]: —and that’s where we’re picking up [background music shifts to “Main Puzzle Room”] is in this enormous room, that is otherwise floorless, save for the platforms that are on the doors that each wall has. The large door on the far side, a door to the left that’s a little bit higher up than you are, and the door to the right that’s also a little bit higher up. In the center of this room is a large platform that is a pillar going down into the dark abyss below. And of course, standing across the room, in front of that big door, is Wesley… What do you do?

Spurrier: [sighs] Uh, well, and Kyle, that pillar in the center is at the same height as us?

Kyle: Yes.

Spurrier: Okay.

Goodrich: And three hundred feet across, a hundred fifty feet to the platform, and another hundred fifty feet to Wesley?

Kyle: Yeah.

Goodrich: And then from that platform in the middle, it’s a hundred fifty feet to the left to a door on the left and then a hundred fifty feet to a door on the right, like a square room?

Kyle: Yes—

Goodrich: Pretty much? Okay—

Kyle: —and those doors on the left and the right are a little bit higher than the center platform; they’re not at the same level as where you’re at now.

Goodrich: Gotcha.

Spurrier: Okay. The only thing I have that could get anything close to that would be my Dimension Door spell that I recently got. [background music fades out]

Goodrich: I was gonna say… but— [Ali chuckles]

Spurrier: Yeah. But I can only go by myself and I can’t come back since you guys are bigger than I am…

Goodrich: Oh, you can’t come back?!

Spurrier: No…. [Goodrich and Ali laugh] not until I- if I had multiple Level 4 spell slots but I’m not that cool yet.

Goodrich: Okay

Spurrier: So that’ll be later.

Goodrich: So, it’s not like a little portal that opens up, it’s just you are—

Spurrier: Well, it is—

Goodrich: —here and then there—

Spurrier: —but then I think it’s just like opens and then it closes once I go through? It’s not very clear, but—

Goodrich: Okay—

Spurrier: —I can’t come back, so…

Goodrich: But you can take someone right??

Spurrier: If they’re the same size as me, or smaller, but you guys aren’t, so…

Ali: Nope.

Goodrich: Oh, so, okay—

Ali: You just pop over there and push him off.

Spurrier: Yes, exactly. [players laugh]

Ali: We’re done with him. And then you take a nap.

Spurrier: Yeah. [sighs contentedly]

Goodrich: [sighs] Well, I could go with you if I transform, well, I guess, first, um, I don’t have any fuzzballs, right?

Kyle: No, they will replenish at dawn, and dawn is not come yet.

Goodrich: Okay, oh darn. [Spurrier mm’s contemplatively] ‘Cause I have an owl and a rat, so I could use those, but—

Spurrier: You could just chuck the rat, is that it, yeah?

Goodrich: Well, ‘cause, [Ali giggles] then I could use Beast Sense—

Spurrier: Oh, right!

Goodrich: I’m telling you- I’m telling you like- I really wanna like use Beast Sense on one of these fuzzballs and do some cool stuff, some sleuthing, maybe…

Spurrier: Well, at, like, dawn, you can do that—

Goodrich: Well, I know, so… [Spurrier chuckles] Uh, Kyle, is there anything else in this room or do we need to do a perception check to…?

Kyle: Uh, y- y- you know what, y- yeah, give me a perception check, real quick.

Goodrich: Do you guys wanna do one with me?

Spurrier: Yeah…we should probably—

Ali: Yeah, let’s take a look-sy.

Goodrich: Cool, yeah, ‘cause I have to roll at disadvantage, I guess I should say—

Ali: Oh yeah.

Goodrich: —for- for brevity’s sake, anytime I’m rolling a wisdom thing, I’m rolling at disadvantage. [die roll]

Kyle: I’ll let you know when that stops.

Goodrich: [giggles] Yeah, thanks, Kyle.

Kyle: You’re welcome.

Goodrich: [two dice rolls] Eight plus five for me, so…

Spurrier: That is an eighteen plus three.

Ali: And I’ve got eleven plus one.

Kyle: Okay, with those scores, Raz’ul and Yashee, you look around [background music resumes] and you notice that there’s an engraving on the wall behind you. Uh, you only take it in for a second, maybe you don’t get the finer details of it, but Randy…with that roll, you, you turn around and you see this large inscription on the wall. You don’t know what it reads—

Goodrich: [chuckles] Right.

Kyle: —but, uh, you do notice there’s images of what you know are staircases around the inscription. And there are numbers underneath specific letters. Two of them are letters you recognize. You recognize there’s a zero under the letter A in whatever the sentence says, and there’s a zero under the letter Y. There’s a zero under another letter, but you’re not familiar with what that letter is, yet. [Goodrich giggles] And, uh, but you all take this in and Wesley, again, sounding like he’s right next to you, despite being three hundred feet away, uh, just, says:

Kyle (as Wesley): Pay attention over here, uh—

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh…

Kyle (as Wesley): See, I think you might find yourselves trapped in here because, uh, I’m getting out. And uh—

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh!

Kyle (as Wesley): —it’s gonna be best of luck—I hope you do better than, uh, whatever that group was I followed here, I don’t really know, but—

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh! Tubular Phunk Karate! Do you know where they are? That’s kind of our...

Kyle (as Wesley): No…

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No? [Ali chuckles] You- you didn’t follow them?

Spurrier (as Randy): Did they play you any songs?

Kyle (as Wesley): I followed them in here as quietly as I could, you know, of course you don’t want to lead on that you’re, uh, trailing people—

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right.

Spurrier (as Randy): Of course.

Kyle (as Wesley): They diverted off somewhere along the way and, uh, I was able to make my way through cracks as, uh, well I don’t have to explain a gaseous spell to you.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay… Well real quick, I think that the least you could maybe do, Wesley, is listen to the song that we made for you. We wrote it thinking you could hear it and then I guess you didn’t, so can we just play it?

Kyle (as Wesley): Go ahead and start playing as I walk to this door—

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh w-w-w-w-wait!

Kyle: And he starts walking!

Spurrier (as Randy): We don’t have to play for him, he’s… no. Um…

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh. [Goodrich giggles]

Spurrier (as Randy): Do we want to go after him? I just, there’s something going on behind us, what are we—

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I think we need to get that book, right? Like it’s—

Ali (as Yashee): How though?

Spurrier (as Randy): Well, uh, I have a new spell…

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh?

Spurrier (as Randy): It makes a door—

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay yes…

Spurrier (as Randy): —that can go really far. So, I think I could probably reach him, but I will have to go by myself and I won’t be able to come back….

Ali (as Yashee): Well…

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): We can’t go with you?

Spurrier (as Randy): No, ‘cause you guys are bigger than I am. It’s one of the problems…

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ah, well—

Spurrier (as Randy): So…

Ali (as Yashee): I don’t want you to go alone.

Goodrich: Let me- alright let me roll, oh wait. [players giggle] I guess I’ll say:

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, uh, I can transform, maybe I can go with you. ‘Cause you said I have to be a small creature, right?

Spurrier (as Randy): They have to be, yeah—

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay.

Spurrier (as Randy): —same size as me or smaller. [die roll]

Goodrich: I got a hundred. [players laugh] So, I get a rhinoceros!

Ali: Okay?! [players continue to laugh] A baby rhinoceros? Eh??

Goodrich: Kyle??

Kyle: No, baby rhinoceroses are still big.

Ali: Oh.

Goodrich: Okay, well, I say:

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [laughing] Hey guys, let me just transform [Ali laughs] into something super small.

Goodrich: And then… [groaning as voice deepens] and I’m a rhinoceros. [Ali and Spurrier laugh]

Kyle: You change into a rhinoceros, and you hear an outburst shout across the cavernous room and you just hear Wesley go:

Kyle (as Wesley): HA! [Ali giggles]

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Deep voice] Oh, you just wait, you just wait!

Goodrich: And then I, uh, roll again [die roll] and oooh… twenty-three?! Uh, it’s a goat! Is it a baby goat?

Kyle: Ah, jeez.

Goodrich: Baby, small Raz’ul goat that can go along with Randy goat?

Kyle: [breath] Sure. [players celebrate]

Ali: Woo!

Spurrier: Oh, boy!

Goodrich: Yes, okay so—

Ali: [softly, in “Baby Shark” theme] Baby Goat doo doo…

Kyle: [continuing Ali’s song] Doo doo doo Baby Goat.

Goodrich: —since I’m a little dwarf, my goat is just a little bit smaller than normal…

Spurrier: [chuckles] Okay…

Goodrich: So... uh—

Ali: [British accent] A little pocket goat?

Goodrich: A little pocket goat! [Ali giggles] D- y- you ready?

Spurrier: Yep.

Goodrich: D- do you pick up Raz’ul?

Spurrier: Well, I have to play it… it’s a bard spell.

Goodrich: Oh…

Kyle: You look over and you see Wesley’s at the door and he’s kinda just standing there and looking back at y’all and just stands there for a moment at the open door and watches.

Goodrich: Okay.

Spurrier (as Randy): Do we still wanna do this?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh—

Spurrier (as Randy): Alright—

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): —we need to go over. Yashee we’ll be right back, okay?

Ali (as Yashee): Alright…

Spurrier (as Randy): Not sure how we’ll be right back, but we’ll cross that bridge, so to speak, later…

Goodrich: [chuckles] Seriously.

Spurrier: Alright, so Randy pulls out his organ [background music fades out] and very quietly goes:

Spurrier (as Randy): [singing and playing piano] this is the door, Dimensional Door! [players giggle]

Goodrich: So beautiful.

Kyle: Awesome. And—

Ali: Oh, wait- wait! [Goodrich giggles] While they’re doing the song, [background music starts] I take my bedroll and I’m gonna hold it up right in front of them. [Goodrich giggles]

Kyle: Okay, so you hold up the bedroll in front of them…

Ali: I’ll say: (as Yashee) let me know when you’re ready guys, I’ll drop it when guys disappear, okay? Like a magic trick!

[players laugh and make noises of comprehension]

Goodrich: Ohh, I get it!

Kyle: You start to fade and Yashee, you see the two of them start to fade away from your vision and you drop it, but something happens and Randy, you feel something twinge in the arcanic flow of your magic.

Spurrier: Uh oh.

Kyle: And… [pause and a descending tone plays] It doesn’t work.

Goodrich: Whaaaat?

Kyle: And you hear Wesley guffaw again, just like: (as Wesley) HA! You’re not even paying attention to your surroundings! Are you not looking at anything when you walk through doorways?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): All we see is your ugly mug.

Ali, Goodrich, and Spurrier: Oooohhhhhh!

Kyle (as Wesley): Oh, yes, yes.

Goodrich: I don’t have Vicious Mockery, but, you know, Kyle can I roll for that?

Kyle: No. [all laugh] He’s like: (as Wesley) y’all enjoy your time in the tomb. I don’t hope you find your way out.

Kyle: And he closes the door. And you [Goodrich sighs] see the door. Uh, two images of large padlocks seem to form over the door, and you notice the large door has those eight circles in a circle where two of them are blacked out. And Wesley is gone. [Spurrier and Goodrich sigh] Go ahead and write off that spell slot too.

Spurrier: Yep, yep. I did. [Goodrich make asympathetic “aw”]

Spurrier (as Randy): [sighs] Well that didn’t work.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No.

Spurrier (as Randy): Uh, you gonna stay as a goat? You can—

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Eh, this is not baaaad. [all laugh]

Goodrich: I transform out, screw it.

Spurrier (as Randy): Okay. Well, I did, uh, notice some stuff behind us since he was, uh, making note of the doorway—

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, well and I guess no magic in here? That kinda sucks, but whatever—

Spurrier (as Randy): Maybe? Or just certain types of magic? I don’t know, but, uh, did you guys get a look at this writing and kinda stuff that’s etched behind us? I can’t really make out—

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ahh—

Spurrier (as Randy): —what it is, as you might know, but—

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, well, you know.

Goodrich: Kyle, can we just go over and look at it?

Kyle: Yeah. You can go over and look at it. It’s—

Goodrich: Inspect it.

Kyle: —yeah, you inspect it. It’s not hard once you like, take a moment to read what’s on the wall.

Goodrich: Oh, sorry.

Kyle: [in a whisper] Read the writing on the wall!

Goodrich: [in a whisper] Uh!

Kyle: But yeah, Raz’ul, Yashee: you notice the writing on the wall says, “The steps are half, the answer is my name.” And you notice under certain letters, there are, uh- there’s the number zero underneath them. There’s a zero under the A’s that are in the sentence. There’s a zero under the M’s as in “music.” And there’s a zero under the Y. And above this inscription there are images of staircases and there seems to be a pattern to ‘em. The pattern is: a set of twelve stairs, a set of twelve stairs, and then a set of two. And this series wraps around the words around the door frame.

Goodrich: Okay, so it’s not- it’s on the wall, but it’s around the door.

Kyle: Yeah.

Goodrich: Okay, and are there staircases above every word?

Kyle: No. It doesn’t seem to be connected to any specific word or anything just like- just this pattern.

Spurrier: And so how many of them are there? Like how many sets of twelve-twelve-two?

Kyle: There’s twelve sets total.

Spurrier: Okay.

Goodrich: ‘Kay. Can we like take a second to do this?

Kyle: Yeah, yeah.

Goodrich: [laughs] Okay.

Kyle: By all means. And uh, just bring your answers back to the table.

Goodrich: Yeah.

Kyle: For the listeners’ sake! Hey, hey!

Goodrich: Yeah, I don’t think anyone wants to listen to us figure out [Spurrier chuckles] this… So, okay be right back! [background music fades]

[digital transition music]

[voice from Sponge Bob]: Twenty-five minutes later.

[transition music fades]

Goodrich: Alright so this is some D. N. D. stuff. We’re talking about puzzles and keys and codes and stuff, and we think we have it based on the stuff from last episode. But Spurrier, do you wanna explain our thought process? [Goodrich and Ali laugh] A little bit?

Spurrier: Yeah… so the alphabet, if you write it all out- [laid back background music begins] and we talked about like last time and at the beginning of this one about how each letter of the musical alphabet can be labeled zero, [in rapid succession] one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven. So, you do that. A is zero, and then M is zero, and Y is zero.

Goodrich: Right.

Spurrier: So, figured that the, uh, letters could be translated into that and then finally translated into what notes are associated with that. But, it also says the answer is my name, and since we’re in the Tomb of Dizzy ‘The Dizz’ Su-nance, uh—

Goodrich: Which is, D-I-Z-Z-Y, then apostrophes, ‘The Diz,’ then, S-U-N-A-N-C-E, so we’re gonna play, Dizzy Sunance—

Spurrier: Since it’s a tomb, it seems a little bit more formal—

Goodrich: Yeah. But yeah, you could associate- like if you were to write it out: like I have A through L as a line, M through X as a line underneath it, then Y and Z underneath that, and then like C corresponds with A, M, and Y, C sharp corresponds with B, N, and Z, and so on and so forth, so. [big breath] Yeah, it was fun! [players laugh] Thanks Kyle! Kyle just over there just like grinning and just: [pompous voice] oh ho ho, look at them go!

Kyle: I’m just so proud—

Goodrich: I know. Well, don’t say that yet, could be wrong—

Spurrier: Yeah, presuming we’re right. Oh boy!

Goodrich: So…we’ll see. [background music fades out]

Spurrier: Okay, well, yeah. [“Main Puzzle Room” background music begins] Okay, so, Randy pulls out his organ and, uh, I guess I’ll just go ahead and say these letters just for the sake of everyone at home and—

Kyle: Okay.

Spurrier: Uh, so—

Goodrich: And Dizzy!

Spurrier: And Dizzy! So, [playing notes as he says them] D sharp, G sharp, C sharp, C sharp, C, F sharp, G sharp, C sharp, C, C sharp, D, E.

Kyle: You play that series of notes, and you begin to hear stone [Goodrich sighs] grind against stone—

Ali: Yay! [players make celebratory sounds] [SFX: stone grinding]

Kyle: —as, uh, platforms begin to rise out of the abyss. And they fill the areas between the entrance way and the center column, the door to the left and the center, and the door to the right. However, there is still a large gap between the center and the far door that Wesley was standing in front of.

[Goodrich hmms thoughtfully]

Kyle: Now the columns that come into place to the left and to the right, they look like… you can’t quite get to the doors, despite them being there. There’s something else that, you know—

Goodrich: They look like an unsolved puzzle! Right, Kyle?

Kyle: Oh, yeah! [players laugh sarcastically]

Goodrich: Oh, jeez.

Kyle: [sarcastically] Maybe just a little bit!

Goodrich: [laughing] Yeah, okay!

Kyle: So, uh, with that information, what do?

Goodrich: But we can get to the center platform fine?

Kyle: Yes.

Goodrich: Okay.

Kyle: It’s a straight shot.

Ali: Let’s go there!

Goodrich: To the center! Cautiously, Kyle, cautiously!

Kyle: Okay.

Goodrich: And Randy’s hiding behind me, we still have Pass Without Trace, right?

Spurrier: Yes, yes.

Goodrich: Okay.

Kyle: Roll that, Randy.

Spurrier: I will. [die roll] That is a nine plus nine plus ten.

Goodrich: Hooray!

[Ali and Goodrich giggle]

Kyle: Yeah, okay. Yeah, you’re hiding, dodging and staying in the shadows between Yashee’s footfalls. [Goodrich snickers] And you eventually make it to the center platform where… just at a casual glance, you notice that there’s some inscriptions on the floor.

Ali: Oh look! Down there!

Goodrich: [laughs] Are you serious?

Ali (as Yashee): Oh! What are those inscriptions on the floor?

Goodrich: Do we need to roll for this or can we just look at it—

Kyle: You do not need to roll for it. [Ali bursts out laughing] You can see it and read it save for one.

Spurrier: Hmm.

Kyle: And, uh, yeah. So, the inscription to the left, that leads you to the left, that says, “How you got down must be played again, but lifted up by the number within.” The right inscription says, “The room behind gave a new set and walking backwards takes you where you want to get.” There is an inscription going forward where again, there’s no pathway leading—

Goodrich: Right.

Kyle: —to the far side. But, it says, “The room to your right has the key, and when you return, you’ll see what you need.”

Spurrier: ‘Kay. I guess—

Goodrich: We’ll be right back again! [laughs]

Spurrier: Yeah.

Goodrich: Bye!

Kyle: [makes beeping sounds] (in deep robot voice): Buh-bye! [background music fades out]

[digital transition music]

[voice from Sponge Bob]: Nineteen minutes later.

[transition music fades]

Goodrich: Man, we are going through over here Kyle! [Ali and Goodrich chuckle] Dang!

Kyle: Big grins on my face!

Goodrich: [sighs] Seriously, Kyle’s just over there like, I can hel- , op sorry, nope, nope, just smiling away, so. Anyhoo!

Kyle: I can’t answer that.

Goodrich: Yep. [Ali and Spurrier chuckle] That’s- that’s all your missing out there, listeners, is just Kyle just grinning—

Kyle: Big grin.

Goodrich: —and shaking his head. Anyways, so we have a method, and we think [upbeat background music begins] that we need to go left first, then to the right, then forward.

Spurrier: Yes.

Goodrich: And I guess if you wanna play at home, uh, just [Spurrier chuckles] keep pausing? [all snicker] Like, we’ll just keep on stepping. So, here we go! Uh, Spurrier, do you wanna… again? [Goodrich laughs]

Spurrier: Yeah, so again, looking to the left and it says, “How you got down must be played again, but lifted up by the number within.” We figure that means playing what we used to originally get down here into the tomb, uh, that little six note pattern. And then we need to transpose it up and, uh, we’ve got two ideas either transposing it up by six, ‘cause we played six notes, or transposing it up by three because there’s three of us. So, we’re gonna try six first. [background music fades out]

Kyle: Okay. [“Main Puzzle Room” background music starts]

Spurrier: So, Randy pulls out his organ and plays: [playing notes while speaking] E, G, D, B flat, A flat, E flat.

Kyle: Okay. You transpose it up by six and after you play that you hear the grinding of stone [SFX: stone grinding] commence again. [players make celebratory noises]

Ali: Yes! Ha ha!

Kyle: And the upward arcing platforms that connect between the left door and the center rise up into place allowing passage to that door.

Goodrich: To the left?

Kyle: Yes.

Goodrich: Hoi! [Ali makes a celebratory sound]

Spurrier: Let’s do it!

Goodrich: Cautiously! Carefully…

Kyle: You approach the door cautiously. Uh, the platform that this door is connected to is about ten feet in depth. Uh, it is sixty feet higher than the center platform that you were on and on this door, it bears the same eight circle symbol that has two of the circles blacked out. When, you approach the door, [background music fades out] the door slides open, Star Trek style—

Goodrich: Yep.

Spurrier: Ooh.

Kyle: —revealing a long, [background music starts: “Left Puzzle Room”] long room, and you can see a walkway that jets out into the room, but eventually stops. There’s a large gap and then it picks up again and finishes off to the end of the room where you see a small music stand from your perspective. With this walkway you notice there’s gaps to the left and the right, and there’s a really tall ceiling, but there is a column that hangs down, and it seems to be hanging over the gap in the middle of this room. You notice, uh, to the right, in the beginning of this long hallway, you notice that there is an alcove. What do you do?

Goodrich: So, like the column’s hanging down, we could like Indiana Jones-style crack a whip and swing over the chasm to the…?

Kyle: That would be doable if there was something to crack like a whip, and you know—

Goodrich: Right…

Kyle: —catch on to.

Spurrier: More like we want to have the column come down and fill in that gap.

Ali: Yeah. Okay so what’s in that alcove to the right?

Kyle: You begin to check out the alcove to the right and you notice a very stylistic carving into the wall next to it. Uh, and in this small recess you see a clock face but there’s not any numbers on it, you just notice that there’s divots. Uh, however at where twelve o’clock is, you see there’s a zero. And next to this is a small receptacle, a shallow receptacle, filled with glass marbles. The writing on the wall reads, “There’s a bridge meant for me so place my hex accordingly.”

Goodrich: How big is the gap from the entrance platform to where the music stand is?

Kyle: Uh, it’s probably about a good thirty feet.

Goodrich: Thirty feet? Okay. [background music fades out] So, here’s what I’m thinking—

Ali: Mhmm.

Goodrich: —bear with me. So, I have fifty feet of rope. 

Spurrier: Mhmm.

Goodrich: I’m thinking we tie that rope around Randy’s waist—

Spurrier: Oh good.

Ali: Okay.

Goodrich: —Yashee can then throw Randy across the thirty-foot chasm—

Spurrier: [laughs nervously] Okay…

Goodrich: While Randy’s up there- [Kyle sighs] Bear with me Kyle! Just- just bear with me, ‘cause—

Kyle: Okay, I’m listening. [Goodrich laughs] You do whatever you want to do.

Goodrich: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Um, so Randy’s over there. You can like weight down the rope or whatever and then go—

Spurrier: Yeah, I mean, I’ve got stuff, so—

Goodrich: Yeah. And then you go over to the music stand, I guess write it down, I don’t know if there’s words on it, but… you’re a good draw-er…

Spurrier: I can draw what I see I just can’t read it so, it’s fine.

Goodrich: Yeah!

Ali: Lay the paper down and do like a leaf sketch. [all laugh]

Spurrier: Yeah, there you go, exactly! [Kyle snorts, players laugh]

Goodrich: And then—

Kyle: Okay.

Goodrich: —you get the rope, tie it back around your waist, jump in the chasm, Yashee and I will have it on the other side. And then we just pull you up!

Ali: Reel ya in.

Goodrich: And then we’re good.

Spurrier: Jump into the abyss, alright!

Goodrich: K- Kyle? Kyle’s face. [laughs]

Kyle: [deep voice] You do whatever you want to do.

Goodrich: So… I mean. [background music resumes] As Raz’ul I explain that to you and say: (as Raz’ul) uh, yeah? [Goodrich laughs]

Spurrier (as Randy): Uh… [sighs] okay? Sure? Why not?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yashee, you’ve been throwing spears all the way here, you’re already warmed up, ya know?

Ali (as Yashee): I mean my brain kinda hurts from all the other puzzles [Goodrich and Spurrier laugh] anyway so… [Kyle chuckles] I’m fine with this.

Goodrich: [laughing] Right? Yashee’s over puzzles. Okay. So, what does that…?

Kyle: Alright, so, uh… [sighs as Ali and Goodrich laugh] You begin to- you begin to walk towards the edge, planning out this, uh, this plan. [Goodrich and Spurrier laugh] And, uh, you notice, of course, off to the left and the right it drops down and, uh, it looks like it’s maybe about sixty feet and it goes pretty dark before you can really see the floor, but it’s like very, very murky. It doesn’t look like water.

Goodrich: Okay.

Kyle: But yeah, you get to the edge of this gap, and you can see the music stand a little bit better. It actually looks a lot nicer than it did at first glance. You notice it’s uh- sparkly and shiny and, uh, you know, looks really nice.

Goodrich: It’s sparkly and shiny? Are you trying to tell us it’s trapped or something?

Kyle: No. No, I’m just—

Goodrich: You’re just—

Kyle: —I’m just saying—

Goodrich: Oh, okay.

Kyle: —it looks, uh, ornate.

Goodrich: Okay, so, I say to Randy: (as Raz’ul) Uh, Randy, when you get over there…

Spurrier (as Randy): Uh huh…

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It’s looking a little sparkly and shiny, so…

Spurrier (as Randy): So, steal it.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, no. [Ali laughs] I mean, maybe. I don’t know, uh, just be careful for traps.

Spurrier (as Randy): And—

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): We’ve ran into some soooo, yeah. Uh, if you guys are down, let’s do it.

Spurrier (as Randy): I mean, it seems like fun—

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, you know…

Spurrier (as Randy): —we can see what happens—

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Change it up a little.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah.

Ali (as Yashee): Cool!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, so—

Kyle: You’re tying the rope around Randy.

Goodrich: Well, I imagine you’re better at knots.

Spurrier: Sure. I’ll tie the rope around myself.

Goodrich: Okay.

Kyle: Okay.

Ali: We should probably tie the other side- tie it to me or something—

Goodrich: Yeah.

Ali: —‘cause I don’t wanna let go of the rope and—

Kyle: Okay, with those nimble halfling fingers go ahead and give me a sleight of hand check.

Spurrier: Alright. [die roll] That is a twelve plus nine. [Ali whispers “yessss”]

Kyle: Okay, yeah. You feel secure in these knots. [Ali and Goodrich giggle]

Ali: You tied mine too?

Spurrier: Oh, yeah.

Kyle: Yeah, tied both of them.

Ali: I put my arms up: (as Yashee) tie me! [Spurrier and Goodrich laugh]

Goodrich: Alright. Give him the old toss-a-rooni.

Ali: Alright.

Kyle: Okay. Yashee, you pick up Randy and uh, much like with all of your other throwing experiences, give me an athletics check.

Ali: And I’m gonna do this like- grab the rope a couple feet away from him and like spin around in a circle and then just let it fly—

Kyle: Okay.

Goodrich: Yeah.

Kyle: Okay.

Goodrich: And I just check with you first, like make sure you have it like coiled up beside you so like harpoon-style so it can [Kyle snickers] go out and blah blah blah.

Ali: Should I… Rage just in case? Or? I’ve got a plus ten to athletics.

Goodrich: Well, but—

Ali: I don’t- like I’m scar- okay, it’s attached to me so if anything, he falls and smacks his face… on the wall—

Goodrich: I was gonna say, if he falls—

Ali: —it’s just stone….

Goodrich: —he just doesn’t make it and we just like reel him back in—

Ali: Okay.

Goodrich: —and throw him again.

Spurrier: Just smash myself into this wall, it’s fine.

Goodrich: We’ve got Bassmaster—

Ali: I can always Rage later.

Goodrich: Yeah.

Ali: Okay, here we go. [die roll] Okay, that a fifteen plus five- er, ten, Kyle.

Kyle: Okay. That’s gonna make it.

Ali and Spurrier: Yay! [Goodrich laughs]

Kyle: You’re able to throw Randy across and Randy give me an acrobatics check.

Spurrier: And in the distance you can hear, [singing tune of “Fly Like an Eagle”] bun dun da dun dun, buh buhr.

Goodrich: [singing] Fly like a Randy…

Spurrier: [singing] Let my Randy throw me. [speaking] Alright, anyways. [die roll]

Goodrich: So Randy can be free!

[“Oh yeah” singing chorus plays]

Goodrich: Oh! Nice!

Ali: Yes!

Kyle: Okay.

Ali: He does flips all the way over to the other side.

Goodrich: Yeah.

Kyle: Yeah.

Spurrier: I flap my arms like an eagle.

Goodrich: Yeah.

Ali: [low voice] Stick it.

Goodrich: But lands right on his feet. [Ali laughs] Put his hands up like a freaking gymnast. Uh!

Kyle: Yeah. Stick the landing and everything. Uh, even maybe finish it off with a daring Willy Wonka front tuck roll—

Goodrich: Yes!

Ali: Very nice.

Kyle: —on the ground to a standup stick. [Ali laughs]

Goodrich: And R- and Raz’ul like grabs his mouth like ahhhh! [Ali laughs harder and Goodrich joins in]

Kyle: Yeah, so, uh, yeah, you have successfully thrown Randy across. Randy, you are on the other side. What are we doing? [Goodrich laughs]

Spurrier: So, it’s still a ways away to get to the music stand, right?

Kyle: Yeah, it’s still a good ways away.

Spurrier: Okay, so, I will untie the knot and, uh, I’ll just put some of my possessions on it to hold it in place.

Kyle: Good call saying that. [Goodrich and Ali laugh]

Spurrier: And, uh, I guess I’ll- I will very cautiously meander over to the stand.

Kyle: Okay. So, you cautiously meander over to the stand and you see that it’s a finely crafted stand, really nice and ornate. The holder is supported by a rod that runs to the base, but it looks to be decorated as if two long swords are the actual support. The holder itself is inlaid with four large emeralds in each corner and several garnets fill the space between these emeralds. You see an engraving of- looks like six different digits that are on this stand. What do you do?

Spurrier: Uh, I guess I’ll pull out my bard journal and, uh, I will copy them, even though I don’t know what they mean.

Kyle: Okay.

Goodrich: And Raz’ul yells: (as Raz’ul) Be careful, Randy!

Spurrier (as Randy): Thanks, Raz’ul!

Goodrich: Yeah.

Spurrier: Does it look like- well you know what, I want to investigate the stand for any potential traps or anything.

Kyle: Okay, yeah.

Spurrier: [die roll] And that’s a fantastic roll that is a four plus two. [Goodrich and Ali laugh]

Kyle: So you’re investigating this stand, looking above it, around it, underneath it, as much as you can between the legs that are the base and, um, you don’t see anything that looks like a trap.

Spurrier: Okay, well. I can’t help it, I’m gonna have to try to steal one of these emeralds.

Kyle: Okay.

Goodrich: Raz’ul yells out again: (as Raz’ul) Be careful! [Ali giggles]

Spurrier (as Randy): I—

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Don’t do anything Splash wouldn’t do! [players chuckle]

Spurrier (as Randy): —I don’t even know what that means! [Goodrich laughs] Okay! So. Yeah, alright, so. I’m gonna try to steal one.

Goodrich: Oh boy.

Kyle: Okay, so you start to, uh, you know, use one of your daggers to try to pry out one of these emeralds and when you do, you start to do that and the- the stand like bends and then whips forward and whaps you two times.

Ali: Oooh. [Goodrich snickers]

Spurrier: Great.

Kyle: And let’s see… that’s gonna miss, and that one will hit.

Spurrier: Okay.

Kyle: So the first one you’re like, ah! And you’re kind of like wait and you thought maybe you were pushing on it and then the second one does come forward and hits you. And you take [die roll] seven bludgeoning damage as this thing whips out at you. And the swords that are decorated on this as well levitate out of place and slash at you… [die roll] That is a natural twenty.

Spurrier: Wow.

Goodrich: Aw…

Kyle: [die roll] And that is a miss. So, the swords—longswords—lash out at you and one of them catches you off guard, hard core. [die roll] And you wind up taking fifteen damage from it.

Ali: Oh.

Spurrier: Oh, boy.

Kyle: And the second one misses. So, let’s go ahead and roll initiative. You have some animated objects attacking you. [background music fades out]

Goodrich: [sighs] I mean, you’ve seen Aladdin, right? [Spurrier and Ali laugh]

Spurrier: I mean… [Ali and Goodrich laugh] Randy hasn’t. [die roll]

Goodrich: Right, okay.

Kyle: That’s a natural twenty on my initiative.

Goodrich: Is this just Randy and the swords?

Kyle: Oh, well, I mean, you guys can roll initiative as well.

Goodrich: Okay. [snickers]

Kyle: I don’t know what you’ll do, but you’ll have something you can try.

Goodrich: [laughing] Yashee, get ready to throw Raz’ul over. [Ali mutters]

Ali: [die roll] I got six.

Spurrier: [die roll] I got a ten plus three.

Goodrich: I got an eighteen.

Kyle: And my baddies are gonna start off. [die roll] Let’s see what the stand does. That’s gonna miss. [die roll] And… that is going to hit. That’s a sixteen. [die roll] 1d6 bludgeoning damage, so you’re gonna take six more bludgeoning damage as this [battle music starts] stand bends and thwaps you again. And the swords, of course are going to [die roll] do their thing and that’s a twenty to hit.

Goodrich: Jeez…

Kyle: [die roll] And that’s going to be a fourteen to hit? Which?

Spurrier: Misses.

Kyle: Oh, that misses. So you only get hit by one of the swords [die roll] and you’ll take another seven slashing damage.

Spurrier: ‘Kay.

Kyle: What’s your HP at right now?

[battle music stops]

Spurrier: Uhhhhhhhh……

Goodrich: Yes, please, let us all know. [laughs]

Spurrier: Sixteen.

Kyle: Cool cool cool. Alright, that’s gonna be the end of my bad guys’ turns and it is Raz’ul. [battle music resumes] Raz’ul, you see, uh, Randy trying to peel one of these emeralds out and then all of a sudden you see him getting waylaid and beaten up [Goodrich and Ali laugh] by these, uh, inanimate objects. That are actually animate.

Spurrier (as Randy): Ow!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Bro!

Ali (as Yashee): Uh… [Goodrich chuckles]

Spurrier (as Randy): Ah!

Goodrich: Uh, can I use my turn to… throw my healing potion to Randy?

Kyle: I—

Goodrich: Can I just use my turn to yell, “Swing back across the freaking pit, let’s get out of here!”

Spurrier (as Randy): Ow…

Ali: Do you have your healing potion? Don’t you have—

Spurrier: Yeah, yeah.

Goodrich: I do that. Just—

Kyle: Okay. If you- I was gonna say, if you wanna throw a healing potion, I…

Goodrich: No, yeah. That sounded like a bad idea as soon as I said it so… [Spurrier and Ali laugh] Uh, and like and all my spells can’t really reach that far, I don’t even know if they will work ‘cause of where we are, and… yeah…

Kyle: Yeah—

Goodrich: I don’t have a—

Kyle: —I’d probably say Randy’s maybe in the range of eighty feet away from you guys…

Ali: Yeah…

Goodrich: —I don’t have a bow. So…

Spurrier: So.

Goodrich: Sorry, Randy.

Kyle: Well.

Goodrich: So, yeah. (as Raz’ul) J- jump!

Spurrier (as Randy): Ah…

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Get your rope and let’s go!

Spurrier (as Randy): Okay…

Kyle: Alright, so Randy, it is your turn if that ends Raz’ul’s. [battle music stops]

Spurrier: Okay, so Kyle, you said it’s eighty feet total with the chasm being thirty—

Kyle: Uh huh.

Spurrier: So I need to go fifty—

Kyle: Mmhm.

Spurrier: —and so I can do twenty-five and I can bonus dash to do the other twenty-five so that should be all fine.

Kyle: Okay. Yeah.

Spurrier: And then can I disengage as my action?

Kyle: Yeah.

Spurrier: Okay. So I’m gonna disengage [battle music resumes] so I don’t get killed more ‘cause, well I’m in great shape.

Kyle: Yep. [players laugh]

Spurrier: Um—

Kyle: Good call.

Spurrier: —and then I’m gonna move, and then I’m gonna dash—can I just pick up the rope? I guess I probably can’t tie it—

Kyle: Yeah.

Spurrier: —but I probably can—

Kyle: Yeah, you’d be able to pick up the rope—

Spurrier: Okay.

Kyle: —but you wouldn’t be able to tie it, so…

Spurrier: Okay. Fun. Alright. That’s my turn. [Goodrich laughs]

Kyle: Okay. So, uh, Yashee, you see, uh, Randy deftly evade like potentially being attacked by these animate objects and he runs over and barely gets to the rope and picks it up. What are you doing? [battle music stops]

Ali: Okay. So I want to just pull him back over but I’m scared.

Goodrich: [laughing] He can do it! [battle music resumes]

Ali (as Yashee): Are you ready, Randy? I’m gonna pull you!

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah! Er, maybe? Try it! I don’t know. [laughs]

Kyle: Okay—

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hold on tight!

Ali: I’m just—

Kyle: Give me a strength check.

Ali: —gonna do it. [die roll]

Kyle: Yep.

Ali: Alright, that’s an eighteen plus four, twenty-two?

Kyle: Okay, yeah, you’re able to yank Randy. Randy, give me a strength check, real quick.

Spurrier: Okay…

Goodrich: You’ve like wrapped it around your wrist and stuff and like—

Spurrier: Yeah, but yeah….

Goodrich: It might hurt, but eh… [die roll]

Spurrier: That is… a thirteen plus one.

Kyle: Okay. So yeah, you— [players laugh]

Goodrich: Phew!

Kyle: —you’re holding on to it and you feel your limbs just extended out and yanked. [players chuckle]

Spurrier: Oh boy.

Kyle: And luckily you’re able to like keep a tight enough grip and you’re pulled about halfway across the chasm. And he just swings down and uh, [Ali chuckles] you’re- give me an acrobatics check real quick—

Spurrier: Okay…

Goodrich: We feel underneath us just like Randy go thunk [players laugh] and we’re like ooh! [die roll]

Ali (as Yashee): Sorry bro!

Spurrier: That is a nineteen plus nine.

Kyle: Okay, despite being surprised by being just yanked halfway across the chasm, you’re able to put your feet out and you land on the wall—

Spurrier: [sighs] Okay.

Kyle: —without taking any damage.

Spurrier: Pha-ew.

[battle music stops]

Kyle: So that’ll be the end of, uh, Yashee’s turn which will take us back to the top with my baddies. [battle music resumes] You see the music stand [Goodrich laughs] bouncing on the platform trying to catch up [Spurrier joins in laughing] and the swords levitating in the air—they move a lot quicker than the stand and they’re pretty much at the other side of the chasm. But that seems as far as they can move but they’re definitely in pursuit.

Spurrier: Oh good.

Kyle: So, we will go to Raz’ul. [battle music pauses and then resumes]

Goodrich: Yeah, let’s run, let’s—

Kyle: What are you doing?

Goodrich: —get out of here, right now and shut the door. Let’s go! Like we just running, right- dash I guess?

Kyle: Okay, you’re gonna run out the door?

Spurrier: Well, I’m still hanging down.

Kyle: Yes.

Goodrich: Oh, uh, d- can I- uh- [splutters]

Ali: I can’t do anything.

Goodrich: Okay, can I help pull Randy up and then—

Kyle: Yes, you can.

Goodrich: —we can go get out of here.

Kyle: Give me a strength check.

Goodrich: Ah, jeez. [die roll] Fifteen plus three plus JOAT! So nineteen.

Kyle: Alright, so yeah, you’re able to use your action to help pull Randy up. Randy, you’re yanked up to the edge of the platform and you’ll be prone at the start of your round which comes up next. So you can use half your movement to stand up.

Spurrier: Perfect.

Kyle: Which, uh—

Goodrich: W- wait!

Kyle: —that’s happening now.

Goodrich: On my bonus action I just like, conk you on the back of the head, like: (as Raz’ul) what are you doing?! [players laugh]

Spurrier (as Randy): You said do what Splash would do.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [sighing] Oh, it’s on me then.  [Spurrier laughs] Yep, okay. [battle music fades out]

Kyle: Alright, so Randy, what are you doing?

Spurrier: Uh, I guess I’ll get up, [battle music resumes] first of all. And then say: (as Randy) shall we?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, yes!

Ali (as Yashee): You got the- you got whatever was over there on the…stand?

Spurrier (as Randy): Uh, I got the important stuff, not the other stuff I would’ve liked, but yeah, so…

Ali (as Yashee): Okay.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, let’s freaking take it to the bridge, let’s go!

Spurrier (as Randy): Okay.

Kyle: Alright, it’s about forty feet to the door, so you still have, basically twelve feet of movement.

Spurrier: Yeah.

Kyle: And you could use your action to dash so you’d be able to get almost to the door.

Spurrier: Can I use my action to dash and then my bonus to dash as well? Can you like stack them like that?

Kyle: Yeah.

Spurrier: Okay.

Kyle: I think you’d be able to stack ‘em like that.

Spurrier (as Randy): Come on guys! [battle music stops]

Kyle: Yashee? It’s your turn.

Ali: Well, I only have thirty feet of movement so I guess I can’t quite make it to the door.

Kyle: You could use your action to dash and that would double your movement.

Goodrich: Or you could pick me up then you won’t leave me to the knives…

Ali: Do you want me to take you along?

Goodrich: That would be great. [battle music resumes]

Ali: Alright, I’ll grab him.

Kyle: Okay.

Goodrich: Oh.

Ali: And dash off. I did- well, I’m not gonna make it to the door anyway, but I did want to stop in the, uh, alcove again.

Kyle: Okay, yeah—

Ali: Before I leave.

Kyle: —yeah, so you, you pick up Raz’ul and you pretty much drag him. [players laugh] You’re a little bit slower than you would normally be, dragging a dwarf behind you, but you do make it to the alcove, you may be at the door. What did you want to do at the alcove?

Ali: Oh, I was just going to take the marbles. They looked cool. [Goodrich laughs]

Kyle: Okay, easily done. You grab all the marbles, you’re still, uh, in this room though. And we’re going [battle music fades out] back to the top of the round with my inanimate objects. The stand [battle music resumes] keeps bouncing down the pathway and obviously makes it to the edge and kind of just stands there. [players laugh]

Goodrich: Ha ha! Ba dum tss.

Kyle: Yep.

Goodrich: Yeah.

Kyle: But the flying swords continue flying forward. And, uh, they travel a good ways but it seems like you’re outpacing them just a little bit. So, we’re going to go to Raz’ul. [battle music stops]

Goodrich: Yeah.

Kyle: You’re by the door with Yashee. She just took a bunch of marbles.

Goodrich: Yeah and I say: [battle music resumes] (as Raz’ul) Are- seriously- ? We’re not done taking stuff? Let’s just go!

Ali (as Yashee): Well, but what if I need to like trip somebody or something?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, that’s good, alright.

Ali (as Yashee): You know how it works…

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, sorry, I’m just [Spurrier chuckles] panicking here, so let’s go!

Goodrich: And I throw the door open and usher everyone outside safely.

Kyle: Okay, the door slides open and you step through it and Randy, you- I think you would have made it through the door before last—

Spurrier: Mmhm.

Kyle: —round with your double dashing and what not. Then we’d go to Yashee, [battle music fades out] I mean Randy are you doing anything while you’re standing on the other side of the door?

Spurrier: No, I’m just gonna catch my breath, so.

Kyle: Okay. So, Yashee [battle music resumes] you’ve gotten your marbles and you, uh, you see these swords flying at you and the doors open. You see Randy and—Randy is catching his breath—and Raz’ul is saying: (as Raz’ul) Come on!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Come on! [laughs]

Ali: I’m-a go. [Goodrich laughs]

Kyle: Alright, you step through the door—

Ali: I’m-a go, I’m-a close the door.

Kyle: —and the door closes behind you and you hear the sound of metal, like hitting the door [battle music stops] as you’ve successfully avoided these flying swords.

Ali (as Yashee): Haha!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Fantastic. Well, most of us successfully avoided them.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, sorry guys. [background music: “Main Puzzle Room” fades in]

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Did you get the emerald at least?

Spurrier (as Randy): [breath] No.

[Goodrich takes a big, long sigh. Kyle snickers]

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright well—

Spurrier (as Randy): An A for effort… maybe… kind of.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No.

Spurrier (as Randy): No. [Goodrich laughs] I got- I got the stuff that we needed, though! I don’t know what this says…

Spurrier: But then I show you guys my journal.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, cool!

Spurrier: And the stuff I sketched down.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So, these are numbers. Hey, actually, maybe we should teach you numbers—

Goodrich: —can that go for Reading Randy?

Kyle: Uh, yeah.

Goodrich: Okay, cool.

Ali: Counting Randy?

Goodrich: Yeah. [players laugh] (as Raz’ul) So, uh, I was thinking, Yashee, maybe uh, to teach Randy these numbers, you know, one through nine, then I guess we’ll cover the ones column and the tens column and the hundreds column and all…. [laugh]

Spurrier: I mean, it is a base-10 system in Beetzart?

Kyle: Yes.

Spurrier: Okay—

Goodrich: Phew!

Kyle: Yes.

Spurrier: I was gonna say if we’re getting into other bases it’s gonna get wonky.

Kyle: No…

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So, uh, yeah, I thinking maybe we, uh, uh, this version of Reading Randy, we kinda burn it to the ground and, uh, teach Randy some numbers, what do you say? [background music fades out]

Ali (as Yashee): Sure!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright, let’s do it! A-one, two, three, four!

Ali (as Yasheee) and Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [singing to a rock/up-tempo version of the Reading Rainbow theme] He can’t ready anything! Illiterate, but he won’t quit, he’ll be a Reading Randy!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright, so Randy?

Spurrier (as Randy): Mmhm?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So… [background music resumes] zero, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.

Spurrier (as Randy): ‘Kay.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That’s pretty much all you need to know. We use a base-10 system here [Ali giggles] in Beetzart. [Goodrich giggles]

Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, wow! Well, okay.

Goodrich: No, no, we go through it and, I mean…

Spurrier (as Randy): So, “berry,” “Yashee,” “asinine,” and zero through nine, and the very nature of how our counting system works.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Indeed.

Spurrier (as Randy): Got it.

Ali (as Yashee): Mmhm. [Kyle chuckles]

Spurrier (as Randy): Thanks guys!

Kyle: All of it garnered in this one, quick, simple lesson! [players laugh]

Goodrich: Well, we’re safe now, so we’ll- we’ll skip like long division and stuff—

Kyle: Are you?

Goodrich: —but, yes. [pause] Oh?! [players laugh]

Kyle: Nah, I’m messing with you.

Goodrich: Ah okay, phew. [players laugh] Uh, yeah, who knew that pitch class theory, or whatever, could be so dangerous? [players giggle]

Kyle: Yeaaah…

Spurrier (as Randy): So in that case, it means I wrote down, “seven, zero, five, three, eleven, six.”

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay… so we need to, I guess, go to the other room, with those numbers, and—

Spurrier (as Randy): Do you think, while we’re just chilling here on this center column, maybe we could chill for like… twenty minutes?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh… [Ali giggles] yeah.

Spurrier (as Randy): ‘Cause I’m like bleeding out of everywhere?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, here you want mine too?

Kyle: Yeah, Randy looks rough.

Spurrier: Well, I could spend a couple of these hit dice, that would be tasty too. You can hang on to your potion, I can just use mine.

Goodrich: Okay.

Spurrier: So is that okay, Kyle, can we like do a super short rest?

Kyle: Yeah, you can totally spend the time to do that.

Spurrier: Okay. [players laugh] And then you can get back your transforming.

Goodrich: Okay so we’re just having a little campfire out here on the center platform?

Spurrier: Yeah. We can play some campfire songs and…

Goodrich: Maybe we have to do Reading Randy like for each number and it takes— [players laugh]

Kyle: And that’s why it takes so long.

Goodrich: Yeah, and I guess if you don’t get it right when we play it, do we have to play it again? Like, (as Raz’ul) okay Randy, just really concentrate this time…

Spurrier (as Randy): Wait, what?

Goodrich: Yeah. [laughs] [background music fades out]

Kyle: So it’s the salt, the lime, and then the tequila? [players laugh]

Goodrich: Right, okay!

Spurrier: Okay and Kyle you said for the potion it is a 2d4 plus two, right?

Kyle: [Spanish accent] Yes.

Spurrier: Okay. So, I’m gonna drink that.

Kyle: Okay.

Spurrier: Someone wants to roll a d4 with me, please?

Goodrich: I’ll do it.

Spurrier: Thanks! [die roll]

Goodrich: Three!

Spurrier: And a three as well, so that’s eight. And I’m gonna spend three of my hit dice. So, if Ali and Goodrich, you each want to roll a d8, please?

Goodrich: All together now!

Kyle and Spurrier: [muttered] All together now!

Goodrich: All together now! [die roll]

Ali: Seven.

Spurrier: Five.

Goodrich: Three.

Kyle: Anybody else need healing or wants to roll health dice?

Goodrich: I’m at max, so I’m good.

Ali: I think I’m good.

Spurrier: Alright, so I’m at thirty-seven out of fifty-eight, so I’m in much better shape than I was.

Kyle: [laughing] Awesome.

Spurrier: So… [players laugh] anyhoo…

Kyle: That’s good.

Spurrier: We can move onwards.

Goodrich: Alright! To the next room!

Kyle: [background music resumes] Okay. So, you’re on this center platform and you’re ready to move forward and you remember, oh yeah, there’s that, uh, thing we need to solve. [players laugh] “The room behind gave a new set and walking backwards takes you where you want to get.” So, what are you doing?

Spurrier: So, maybe we play this set of notes backwards? Possibly? Do you want to try that first?

Goodrich: Yeah, sure.

Spurrier: Unless you guys have any other thoughts?

Goodrich: No, let’s do it.

Spurrier: Okay. So that said backwards would be [playing along while speaking] F sharp, B, D sharp, F, C, G.

Kyle: Okay. You play that series of notes, and you hear stone grinding [SFX: stone grinding] and you see the platforms that lead to the right door, they begin altering and it’s like they’re changing in pattern to basically reverse themselves.

Goodrich: Ah.

Spurrier: Mm.

Kyle: So, they create a nice walkway up to the thirty-foot ledge above you. And you’re easily able to access the door to the right, now.

Ali and Spurrier: Great!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Awesome! Well. Feeling fresh as the dickens? Let’s uh—

Spurrier (as Randy): Uh, close.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Let’s get up there! [they laugh]

Kyle: Okay. You approach the door to the right and of course it still has that eight-circle symbol where two of the circles are blacked out, the rest of them are inlaid pearl. And, uh, you see the door open [background music fades out] in front of you. So, you enter [background music starts: “Right Puzzle Room”] a hallway about thirty feet long, ending into a room that has two containers set into the far wall. There appear to be switches below them, but what is inside these containers you’re uncertain of.

Goodrich: And so the containers are just like an aquarium or terrar—

Kyle: Yeah, it’s like a- yeah, yeah.

Goodrich: Just like a see-through sort of deal, okay.

Kyle: Yes.

Ali: Except we can’t see through them.

Goodrich: Right.

Kyle: Except, well, you can’t see what’s inside them.

Goodrich: Yet! So, [Ali laughs] Ali, the name of the game is perception check! Let’s go!

Ali: Let’s do it.

Spurrier: Yeah, let’s do that.

Goodrich: Everybody! Roll ‘em up, roll ‘em up! [die roll] Let’s see what you got! [die roll] … Four! [Goodrich sighs]

Ali: [die roll] Nineteen!

Spurrier: One, so let me roll again. [all chuckle]

Goodrich: Hooray! [die roll] Wow.

Spurrier: A four plus three! [players laugh]

Kyle: Okay. From the angle that you’re at, you’re not able to glean what’s inside the containers, however, Yashee, you notice about midway down this hallway, it looks- something looks up with the floor. It looks weird.

Ali: I’ll point it out to you guys. (as Yashee) Oh, what’s that goin’ on, do you guys see that? [players chuckle]

Ali: What does it look like?

Kyle: The stone- the color of the stone looks different.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Let’s- let’s—

Ali (as Yashee): It looks strange.

Goodrich: —let’s approach it carefully and, man, there are so many traps [players laugh] and riddles and things. Ooh!

Ali: Alright. Can we walk up and investigate that stone?

Kyle: If you’re investigating, go ahead and give me an investiga-tion.

Goodrich: [die roll] Alright. [multiple dice rolls] Round two, the name of the game is investi- [Kyle snorts] … a four again! Jeez!

Ali: I got a six!

Spurrier: Seven plus two. [Ali laughs]

Kyle: You can tell it’s a trap, but you don’t know what you need to do to, uh, avoid it.

Spurrier and Goodrich: Okay.

Ali: Mm.

Spurrier: Well, my mage hand, or Eddie, I guess, is- can like take out traps, so—

Goodrich: Okay.

Spurrier: —we could maybe try—

Ali: Scoot back and let him do it.

Spurrier: —that, yeah.

Goodrich: Alright.

Spurrier: Yeah, maybe stand back a little bit because he can reach up to thirty feet.

Kyle: Okay.

Spurrier: So, I pull up my shirt as one is wont to do and say: (as Randy) [distorted] Mage Hand!

Goodrich: Oh!

Kyle: Okay, so you say the incantation that you’re oh so familiar with [Spurrier chuckles] but nothing produces from thine belly button. [players laugh]

Ali: Aww.

Goodrich: [laughs] Aww.

Spurrier (as Randy): Oh. Well, I guess he’s resting, or something. Sorry, um… I mean, I guess I can take a whack at it. I have thieves’ tools and hands and they’re pretty good… so…

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, just be careful. Again.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah… I’ve been doing awesome at that so far. [Goodrich chuckles] So yeah.

Kyle: Okay. So, uh, again, you don’t really know what you need to do exactly to try to prevent this trap from triggering, so roll it at disadvantage and don’t forget you get the plus two proficiency for your thieves’ tools.

Spurrier: So… [die roll] [deep breath in]

Goodrich: Aw.

Spurrier: Well, that’s a natural twent. But I guess I won’t use that—

Ali: Aw.

Spurrier: I won’t play anything.

Kyle: Aw.

Spurrier: Uh, let’s try again. [die roll] So that is a nineteen plus nine plus two.

Ali: Yes!

Goodrich: Okay, Randy, okay!

Kyle: Yeah. Despite not knowing exactly what you’re needing [Goodrich giggles] to do, you take every precaution possible. And you feel very confident. You stand up and you just kinda go: (as Randy) Yeah.

Spurrier: [whispered] Yes.

Goodrich: Yashee and I are kinda just like playing cards [players laugh] over in the corner. Like: (as Raz’ul) oh, did you get it? Cool!

Spurrier (as Randy): I think so!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ah!

Spurrier (as Randy): It seems pretty sturdy. I don’t think the floor is gonna, I don’t know, fall away or something along those lines now, so…

Ali (as Yashee): Well great!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): We’ll finish this game later, [players laugh] let’s go do this.

Kyle: So you move across the floor and the section of floor that Randy just kind of, uh, worked on, it feels very shaky. It doesn’t feel stable, but it’s not going anywhere.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright!

Kyle: And you make it across, and you get to the end of the hallway into this room and this room is you know, fairly small: not too big as some of the other rooms.  But it’s really tall, and you notice up in the ceiling, it looks like there’s a small chest that is like bolted to the roof. But anyway. [players chuckle] In these containers in front of you, there seems to be- in the left container there are two white disks; in the right container there are two large keys. There is a switch underneath each container on the wall, and in between the containers you see something that reads, “Flip the switch underneath your prize, watch and weep as the other fries.”

Spurrier: Kyle, do these two white disks look like the white disks that have been on the doors that are made out of pearl?

Kyle: Yes, they do.

Spurrier: Okay.

Goodrich: That’s the one, I was—

Spurrier: Yeah, that was pretty good—

Goodrich: —thinking the same thing!

[Goodrich and Spurrier laugh]

Spurrier: Um, that seems reasonable.

Goodrich: Okay, well just in case there’s traps, let me try activating ol’ Skerrple here, my Unseen Servant.

Spurrier: Okay.

Goodrich: And, uh, I don’t know if it’s gonna work; we’ve been dicey with magic…

Spurrier: We’ve been doing great so far with spells, yeah.

Goodrich: Yeah. Might as well try! Here we go.

Kyle: Okay. [background music fades out]

Goodrich: So I swing down Usumptin and I say:

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [singing to tune of “I Ain’t Got Nobody” and playing guitar] I ain’t got nobody, but somebody works for me, ya-ka-ta-ka, ya-ka-ta-ka, ya-ka-ta-ka!

Kyle: M’kay. You cast your spell and, uh, [background music resumes] the magical essence seems to fizzle out sooner than you’re able to play it. And you’re not sure if your unseen servant’s there or not? [players chuckle] They are definitely unseen to you ‘cause they are not there.

Goodrich: I say: (as Raz’ul) Oh no, he’s there! He just, you know, he’s on break, so…

Spurrier (as Randy): Oh.

Kyle: Give me a deception check. [players laugh]

Goodrich: [laughing] No! Then I say: (as Raz’ul) nah, I’m just playing, [Kyle chuckles] it didn’t work. So, I guess magic, is a no-go.

Spurrier (as Randy): It seems like it- it’s really weird. Um… okay—

Goodrich: It’s not- this is Dungeons and Dragons, it’s not weird—

Spurrier: Oh yeah. [players laugh]

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, I’ll tell you what: I—

Goodrich: —have we talked about in character yet about…?

Spurrier: No.

Goodrich: Okay. (as Raz’ul) Well, it was my deduction that— [Spurrier and Ali chuckles] I’m just kidding. [players laugh] I know it was you, Randy. The disks! I think the disks, I think that, uh…

Spurrier (as Randy): They look like those ones out on the doors, so…

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That are missing.

Ali (as Yashee): Oh!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I don’t know what that chest is. [all laugh] I don’t know what that chest is about up there, but… I’ll tell you what. Uh, I know Gust, and it’s a different kind of magic than what I’ve got here with Unseen Servant. That was conjuration, Gust is transmutation. So, I could try to like, poof out a gust on one of those switches and see if that makes it come out? We can all back up just in case this chest is gonna fall…

Spurrier (as Randy): And we’re gonna go with the one with the, uh, disks in it, I guess?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I think so, Yashee?

Spurrier (as Randy): Are we all good with that?

Ali (as Yashee): Uh… yeah, I mean… uh… I guess the keys would be too obvious.

Spurrier (as Randy): Maybe, yeah?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That’s a, uh, I mean, yeah.

Ali (as Yashee): Oh, okay.

Goodrich: Alright, well, this is just a cantrip, so, if it doesn’t work, no big deal! But, uh, yeah. So Kyle, I just cast Gust and POOF!

Kyle: You cast Gust as your cantrip and, yeah, you pick a point below the switch- the one under the pearls of the disks.

Goodrich: Mmhm.

Kyle: And… the magic works.

Goodrich: Oh!

Kyle: It comes out in the shape of a small bird and it flaps its wings [players laugh] and a little whirlwind comes out and flips the switch.

Goodrich: Pige-oto! [players laugh] Alright.

Kyle: The gust of wind forces the switch upward and you can see in the right container where the keys are, you see this purple energy starting to emit from something on- below them. And you just see, like, the energy conduit kind of arc up towards the ceiling and then, all of a sudden, there’s a flash of light and just a pillar of ash left behind. And then the containers start to open up.

Goodrich: Hooray!

Spurrier: Woo!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Let’s get the disks.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah.

Goodrich: I get ‘em.

Kyle: Okay. You go up, you grab the disks, no problem.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Man, that sign wasn’t whistling Dixie, that, uh… [players laugh]

Kyle: Yeah.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Let’s go!

Ali: Well, before we go, um, I still want to know what’s going up on that chest on the ceiling you talked about?

Kyle: Yeah, the ceiling, uh, it looks like it’s about forty feet above you.

Ali: Nothing happened when the switch- the switch was—

Kyle: No.

Ali: —pushed? Okay. If you guys don’t mind, I have Knock, which unlocks things. So, I was going to try to use it to see if that chest up there would unlock and dump something out to us?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Sure, while you’re doing that, Randy, let me show you this card game that Yashee and I were playing.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, let’s go stand on the other side of the room. I haven’t had great luck with things in these rooms so far. [players laugh]

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Cool. [background music fades out]

Ali: Well, great. So, the range on that is sixty feet, so I should reach that fine.

Kyle: Yeah.

Ali: It makes a knock sound and… object within range containing a mundane or magical means of preventing access becomes unlocked, unstuck, unbarred.

Kyle: Okay. But it doesn’t open it.

Ali: Right…?

Kyle: Well you are able to cast your spell- is there music behind this one?

Ali: Yeah, I’m a bard!

Kyle: Yeah, there is! [players laugh] So let’s do that.

Ali: I don’t have any other spell, man! You just don’t want to have to play.

Goodrich: [laughing] Ha, ha! Got ‘em! [players laugh]

Kyle: No, that’s not it—I love playing!

Ali: Okay.

Ali (as Yashee): [playing drums and singing to tune of “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” with a Bob Dylan imitation voice, Kyle playing bass] Knock, knock, knockin’ on the chest up there. [Goodrich laughs] Hey, hey, hey-hey-hey! Knock, knock, knockin’ on the ceiling’s chest! [all laugh] Hey-hey, hey-yeah! [all laugh]

Kyle: Okay.

Goodrich: And Randy and Raz’ul look over from their card game like, whaaaaat’s [all laugh] going on over there? [background music resumes]

Kyle: You two look over to see, uh, Yashee finish playing her song. Yashee, you hear the sound of metal just go, chck, [SFX: latch unlocking] and—

Ali: Oop!

Kyle: —you’re looking up and you see a padlock falling to the ground. Give me dexterity save and yes, you get it at advantage because it is something hostile to you.

Ali: [laughing] The padlock?

Kyle: Yeah!

Ali: Can I- Okay.

Goodrich: Kinda seems like more, chaotic neutral… [all laugh]

Ali: I—

Kyle: Yeah, right?

Ali: —I want to try to catch the padlock.

Kyle: You can give me that dexterity save and tell me what you want to do: dodge or catch?

Ali: Great. [die roll]

Goodrich: Maybe it’d be like lawful neutral. [slight chuckle]

[“Oh yeah” singing chorus plays]

Goodrich: Oh!

Ali: It’s a nat [singing] twenty!

Kyle: Okay, yeah, this padlock is falling from the chest and you, deftly—

Goodrich: Catch it!

Kyle: —catch it, no problem.

Goodrich: Yeah!

Kyle: And it’s an unlocked padlock.

Ali: [quietly] What happened up there?

Kyle: Oh, the chest is still closed. [Ali makes an exasperated sigh] There’s still latches holding it closed.

Ali: It wasn’t like an upside-down chest and it just falls out—

Kyle: No, it’s upside-down.

Ali: Maybe I can throw something up there… [all laugh] Hm…

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright, I think she need you again, Randy, get over there! [Spurrier laughs] Just throw him up…

Kyle: Y’all can keep playing your card game, I guess.

Goodrich: Yeah. We’re still just playing. (as Raz’ul) Oh, good see, now that you know numbers we can actually play cards! [Spurrier laughs]

Kyle: Yeah.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, I guess we’ll need to go over like this is as K it means king and this is a qu- q- a “kwoo”? [laughs]

Ali (as Yashee): Do you guys have anything I could use to throw up there and smack this box open?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Do you just want to throw Randy, again?

Ali (as Yashee): Hm… [Spurrier chuckles]

Ali: [laughing] It is forty feet up—

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You got this right?

Ali: —can I throw him that far?

Spurrier (as Randy): I mean, it’s quite a—

Ali: Ooh, what if we did a, like, cheerleader throw where I like catapult you up there? [Spurrier chuckles]

Goodrich: There you go!

Kyle: Oh, cheering is a performance of some type. Are you saying you want to perform your way up there?

Ali: Um… [Goodrich chuckles] it depends, would it be my performance or yours? It’s probably both pretty good.

Spurrier: I mean, we could… all perform.

Goodrich: I was about to say, and make a song! [laughs]

Ali: Do you guys want to see what’s in the chest?

Goodrich: Not in particular, [players laugh] but, sure! [laughs]

Spurrier: As long as we’re here.

Ali: It’s up to you guys. I’m not gonna make you do a song about getting up in a chest.

Goodrich: You know what, let’s do it.

Spurrier: Yeah.

Goodrich: We’re here. Might as well.

Spurrier: You’ve already—

Ali: Alright.

Spurrier: —opened it. Or, unlocked it, so…

Ali: Yeah, we’re halfway there.

Spurrier: Yeah.

Goodrich: Alright.

Kyle: Okay.

Goodrich: Roll some chord dice?

Kyle: Let’s roll some chord dice then!

Ali: Awesome. [background music fades out]

[digital transition music]

Goodrich: Alright. So I guess we don’t really know what we’re doing, but I guess listen to the song and find out how we get the chest down, if we do! Right, Kyle?

Kyle: If you do, we’ll have to see.

Spurrier: Oh, boy.

Ali: Major, minor?

Goodrich: Major. What do you say?

Ali: Yeah, what was our last one?

Goodrich: I don’t kn—

Kyle: [with put-on military voice] Major Minor reporting for duty!

Goodrich: Ha HA!

Ali: Wasn’t our last one the Conway song?

Goodrich: No, the last one was, uh…

Kyle: Opening the door.

Goodrich: Yeah.

Ali: Oh yeah!

Goodrich: That one was minor.

Spurrier: I mean, it’s been quite a trap-laden th- I could- it could go either way. If we wanna kind of embrace how what’s been or if we wanna counteract it, so…

Ali: Let’s do- we can do major.

Spurrier: Alright!

Goodrich: Alright. [chuckles]

Ali: Build it up.

Kyle: Okay.

Ali: Like a ladder.

Goodrich: [laughing] Yeah.

Spurrier: Yeah, there you go.

Ali: Okay. [multiple dice roll]

Goodrich: [singing to tune of “Up Where We Belong”] Major lift us up where we belong. [speaking] I got a wild. [die roll]

Spurrier: Alright…

Goodrich: And another wild! [die roll]

Spurrier: And another- and another wild. [die roll]

Goodrich: How?- Wow! Three wilds- here’s another one— [die roll]

Kyle: How, wild!

Goodrich: Aw, B diminished.

Spurrier: Okay.

Goodrich: What we got?

Ali: F, G, A minor, B diminished, and C!

Goodrich: Wow!

Kyle: That’s not bad. That’s not bad.

Goodrich: Alright. Well, drums.

Ali: Okay. Do we want, uh, fancy drums? Or, you know, free-range drums?

Goodrich: Oh, right, time- time signature? Uh… [sighs]

Spurrier: Oh, right.

Ali: We could do three or?

Goodrich: Four.

Ali: Five? [pause] Or four? [players laugh]

Goodrich: I was about to say, uh…

Kyle: Are you sure, you’re trying to get up somewhere, you want to be four on the floor?

Goodrich: [increasing pitch] Ehhhhhhh…? [Spurrier chuckles]

Kyle: I guess there’s only three of you.

Goodrich: [continuing] —ehhh… [speaking normally] Four. I don’t know. I don’t care. Four. I don’t know, what do you got?

Ali: It’s too late! [coin flip]

Goodrich: What’d we- what’d we say? Four?

Spurrier: Four.

Goodrich: Oh, okay.

Ali: Heads. [die roll] Forty-eight. Which is a blues three.

Goodrich: Alright.

Ali: And the kit. [die roll] Is forty-nine. [deep voice] A power oh-one!

Goodrich: Ahh!

Ali: [deep voice] Yes, power blues!

Goodrich: Power blues!

Spurrier: Cool.

Kyle: [chuckles] Cool. Alright, well get to writing the song. Listeners, talk to you in a second.

[digital music transition]

[middle bit piano music begins]

Kyle: Hey, everyone, it’s your Dungeon Maestro Kyle here just giving you a big thank you for tuning in and, uh, joining us on our adventure once again. I’ve got some special news I want to drop on you. Of course, this being the third episode of the month, that means we’re gonna be doing a giveaway. To participate in that, make sure you retweet out post about this episode, like it, and be sure to follow us so that we can keep track of who’s entering. When you enter, you have the chance of winning thirty Bard Bucks that you’ll be able to use on our Threadless or Redbubble store which you can find through our website at bombardedcast.com.

Kyle (continued): Other news that I got for ya is that we are gonna be doing a mailbag of sorts that we’re calling BomBARDed Unplugged. So, for that, what you want to do is email us on our email bombardedcast@gmail.com and send it with the title “BomBARDed Unplugged question.” Send us any of your questions, we’re gonna pick through and go through all the ones we get and, uh, answer as many as possible. We appreciate your participation in it and we look forward to seeing the questions that you ask.

Kyle (continued): Other than that, it’s, uh, that- that’s pretty much what I got for ya. I’m gonna let you go back and hear how those bards maybe get into this chest? I don’t know, let’s see! Talk to you later.

[music fades out]

[digital transition music]

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Here, we’ll finish this later. [pause] The card game. Bop-a-doo. Okay, yeah, let’s do it! [players laugh]

[groovy song, “Open Up,” begins with drum intro, then keys joining]

Ali (as Yashee): [singing] Open up your heart to me, and baby, you’re gonna see. That I can give you what you want and everything you need. So—

Bards: [harmonizing] Open up, open up. Open up, open up.

Ali (as Yashee): Do it for me. Yeah. Show me what you’ve got inside. ‘Cause baby, I’m your key. But you gotta be—

Bards: Careful when you head my way, you know you’re gonna be okay. Just take it slow and come on down. I’ll be here when you reach the ground!

Ali (as Yashee): ‘Cause what you’ve got is all I want, you got to understand. That you’ve been hiding way too long so come and take my hand. And—

Bards: Open up, open up. Open up, open up.

Ali (as Yashee): Do it for me. Oh-oh. Show me what you got inside. ‘Cause baby, I’m your key.

[song ends]

Kyle: So you begin playing your song [instrumental version of “Open Up” begins] and the magical essence pours forth from your instruments and it groovily makes it way up to the treasure chest on the ceiling.

Goodrich: The funk is stanky like a skunk, right Kyle?

Kyle: Yeah. [all laugh] Super stanky. And it makes its way up there and two little tendrils pour off of it and slap on the chest [Goodrich giggles] and you see the, uh, the chest lid start to open up and then the rest of the magic makes like this nice cradle underneath it.

Goodrich: Aw.

Kyle: And you see three items fall into this cradle. And then the cradle slowly lowers to the ground. And you can see these items look like [music fades out and background music begins] a yellowish gem. And when you look inside of it- it’s- there’s something swirling around inside. There’s also a circlet that has a very ornate gem on it and there’s spires coming off of it. You also notice that there is a set of goggles that look like they’re decorated to be similar-looking to an owl.

Goodrich: Okay, I grab Randy. Because I know you’re like wont to eat gems and stuff. [Ali bursts out laughing]

Spurrier: Well…

Goodrich: [deep voice] They’re not for eating! [players laugh]

Kyle: It- it brings this all down to the ground, sets it down ever so gently, dissipates and flows back into your instruments.

Ali (as Yashee): It worked!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah!

Ali (as Yashee): Look at these beauties!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, I guess hang on to them and see if Splash knows what they are later?

Ali (as Yashee): Sure.

Spurrier (as Randy): I- uh, yes?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): They don’t seem dangerous.

Goodrich: I touch the first gem you described.

Kyle: You touch the first gem and [pause] Randy, Yashee, you see Raz’ul implode.

Goodrich: [laughing] Yeah!

Kyle: No, joking.

Ali: [singing the BomBARDed theme] Dun, du-du-du-du-du-duh, dun, du-du-du-du-duh—

All: [joining in]: Dun, du-du-du-du-du-duh, dun, du-du-du-du-duh. [all laugh]

Kyle: No.

Goodrich: Funk was Tuesday!

Kyle: [laughs] The gem you touch, it’s a yellow diamond and when you touch it, you get this real, sense of just like, earth and solidness. Like it resonates with you specifically as a dwarf, you’re like, there’s something earthen about this.

Ali (as Yashee): Guess that one’s yours!

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, [Ali laughs] you wanna hang onto that?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What are you talking about?

Goodrich: [laughs] You guys don’t know that. Silly billys!

Kyle: Yeah, but you see Raz’ul touch the gem. Nothing happens.

Goodrich: But then I tell you, (as Raz’ul) Ohhh, the earthen glory! Huh, huh, huh!

Kyle: Yeah. He’s going on and on about it.

Goodrich: Yeah.

Ali: Does the next gem seem to be calling to anybody? [players laugh]

Kyle: It’s not just a gem, it’s a- you know, there’s a diamond that’s inlaid into a circlet that you can wear around your head. And, uh, the circlet’s made of gold and around this gem it seems like there’s a- it looks almost like a sun rising up.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ooh, I kinda want that one.

Ali (as Yashee): Hey! [Goodrich laughs]

Ali: I’m gonna pick that one up.

Kyle: M’kay. So you pick up the circlet. And, uh, nothing seems to happen.

Spurrier (as Randy): Do you mind if I…?

Ali (as Yashee): Here, feel it. See if anything happens. [singing] Ahhh!

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, let me give that a try.

Kyle: You grab the circlet and there’s really no sensation, it’s just, like, oh, okay.

Spurrier (as Randy): Okay. [Goodrich (as Raz’ul) makes a noise] Here, you want to try, Raz’ul?

Goodrich: I touch it.

Kyle: You touch it. It’s a circlet.

Ali (as Yashee): Randy, do you want to try on the goggles?

Spurrier (as Randy): Please.

Ali (as Yashee): Here you go.

Spurrier: And I try ‘em on.

Kyle: Okay, Randy, you’re looking around and right now you’re in the room, the drift globe’s with you and what-not. It’s been lighting up the area for the most part. But once you put these on, you look around and you look down the hallway and, before when you when you were playing cards with Raz’ul, the end of the hallway looked a little dim. It doesn’t look so dim now. It’s like you’re looking in just like regular daylight.

Spurrier (as Randy): Ooh. Do you guys—

Kyle: It’s kind of in black and white. Greyscale and everything like that.

Spurrier: Yeah.

Kyle: But you can see it clearly.

Spurrier (as Randy): I can actually see in the dark now with these?!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Cool!

Ali (as Yashee): Woah!

Spurrier (as Randy): Is it cool if I hang onto these, you guys?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah!

Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, definitely!

Spurrier (as Randy): Alright!

Ali (as Yashee): I’ll take the circlet.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah and then we have to figure out how to activate it for- for you, or something.

Ali: Can- you said it goes around your head?

Kyle: Yeah.

Ali: I’m-a just put it around my head.

Goodrich: Alright.

Kyle: Okay.

Goodrich: I guess I just put the gem in my pocket?

Kyle: Okay, it’s in your pocket.

Goodrich: Okay.

Spurrier: And Kyle does this give me the same stats as having Darkvision, or?

Kyle: Yeah, as far as you can tell, right now, you have Darkvision up to sixty feet.

Goodrich: Wow.

Spurrier: Awesome!

Ali (as Yashee): [sing-song-y] Thanks chest!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul) and Spurrier (as Randy): [sing-song-y] Thanks chest! Thanks!

Kyle (as chest): [deep voice] You’re welcome! [players laugh]

Kyle: No. Nope.

Goodrich: I like throw a card up there, gambit style and it goes in and it’s great.

Kyle: No, it falls out.

Goodrich: No, Kyle y- the card has to stay in there for the next person—

Kyle: You’re not going to—

Goodrich: —to try to do it

Spurrier: But we need the card so we can play!

Goodrich: But we have got plenty of cards, look—

Spurrier: Oh, okay.

Goodrich: —all I’m saying is, we put a card up there, that way, whenever the next person comes in and does the puzzle to gets the chest to open, their prize will be… the best band in the world!

Ali: Ah, a card!

Kyle: You throw a card in the air and it goes up and couple feet and then flutters back down.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright, run, let’s go!

Spurrier (as Randy): Onwards! [background music fades out]

Ali: Yep, here we go.

Kyle: Okay. You make your way out [background music begins: “Main Puzzle Room”] back into the center room and when you get to the center island, you look towards the final door. And there’s a glint of light as you step onto the center island and you notice that, uh, it doesn’t look like there is a bridge, like a materialistic bridge between the center island and the final platform. But there’s an outline in silvery light that you can see. And it looks like it’s outlining a bridge of sorts.

Spurrier: Ooh, alright. I’m going to just, very carefully walk up and try to place my foot out and see if there’s anything to step on.

Kyle: You place your foot out and it feels like firm ground, solid ground there.

Spurrier: Oooh. [Ali mutters]

Goodrich: [singing] Der-der-der-derr!

Ali: I’m gonna take one of my marbles and roll it all the way across.

Kyle: The marble rolls all the way across it.

Goodrich: Alright!

Kyle: —to the, uh—

Spurrier: Let’s go!

Kyle: —the hundred and fifty feet that it could roll!

Goodrich: Yay!

Kyle: As far as it could.

Ali (as Yashee): Who’s going first?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [sing-song] Randy?

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah.

Goodrich: Alright. I go behind Randy. (as Raz’ul) Do you feel special with your goggles now? [laughs]

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, I can see everything. It’s great. [players laugh]

Goodrich: Oh boy! (as Raz’ul) Alright, here we go!

Kyle: Okay.

Goodrich: Cross.

Kyle: So you make your way across to the large door that Wesley was in front of earlier. There’s two large padlocks and then there’s the series of circles that have two of them blacked out. And, uh…

Goodrich: Yeah, take out the two disks we—

Kyle: That’s it.

Goodrich: —got. Put them in the…

Ali: Place ‘em!

Goodrich: Place ‘em. Yeah.

Kyle: You put them in place and they lock in. And you begin hearing a mechanism whirr [SFX: whirring sound] and the circles begin to spin in place and you hear duhn, duhn, duhn , duhn [SFX: locks unlatching]

Goodrich: Uh, uh, uh!

Kyle: And the doors starts to—[Goodrich beatboxing] Yeah, you start jamming along with it. [Goodrich laughs] It’s a great rhythm!

Ali: Chord dice, let’s go!

Goodrich: Let’s go!

Kyle: Uh… the door starts to open and you hear- it sounds like you hear somebody snap [SFX: metallic snap and background music stops] but there’s a metallic sound to it. [suspenseful tone starts] And there’s this piercing tone that begins to generate as the door opens which cascades into, you know what a Shepard’s Tone is, right?

Goodrich: Yeah. [descending Shepard Tone starts] There will probably be one here, in post.

Spurrier: Ah, probably. Yeah.

Goodrich: Yeah.

Kyle: The Shepard’s Tone just emits and erupts forth from the door causing the door to swing open. I need everyone to give me a constitution save, real quick.

[three die rolls]

Goodrich: I got a fifteen plus one.

Kyle: Okay.

Ali: Ten plus five.

Kyle: Okay.

Spurrier: Nine plus one.

Kyle: So as this Shepard’s Tone is filling the room and the area that you are in, you being to feel nauseous and sick and you’re brought to your knees and you’re just quivering and it’s hard to move or focus and you just seemed locked in place. The door swings open revealing [digital background music begins] Wesley standing at the back of the room next to the odd-looking mirror and he’s holding up the left hand that’s all made of metal and it’s just shaking violently and vibrating. And he’s got this menacing grin on his face and look in his eyes, he’s staring at it. And then he kind of brings his gaze to you three and sees you quivering on the ground, unable to move and he says,

Kyle (as Wesley): She gave me the right materials. And it worked beautifully.

Kyle: And we’re gonna end it there.

Spurrier: Aw. [Ali chuckles]

Goodrich: Ah, jeez.

[Shepard Tone and digital music fade out]