Ep. 29 — The Dizzcent
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Wow, great job Conway!
Kyle: So there was something funky with your song– [Goodrich giggles] –‘cause when you started playing your magic started to emit from your instruments, and wraps Conway Tweety completely in itself, and then disperses, leaving him a bird again.
[Players make noises of confused disappointment]
Goodrich: Wait, are you being serious?
Kyle: No, I’m joking!
[Players burst out in laughter]
[Upbeat, rock theme plays, BomBARDed theme song]
Kyle: Hey everyone, it's your Dungeon Maestro Kyle here for the first episode of the new year. Legit!
Goodrich: Hooray!
[Players cheer]
Kyle: Ready to kick off 2019 proper. So let me recast last ep– [someone says “Err”, players giggle]. So let me recap the last episode real quick. [soft “Let’s Recap” music fades in] Uh… the bards, you know, talked about their issues– [Goodrich laughs] –and more or less got to a point where they were good to go forward with each other and went back to the crypt and here we are. [Players giggle] So, we’re gonna pick up–
Ali: If you listen to the Recrap, you would know already.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: Yeah, it's true. No, I mean you bought a little bit of gear from Conway Tweety. Yashee and Randy actually wound up turning him out of a bird into a man so that he could help put out the fire that was happening around the Bear Berries. Then they got all packed up and went back, found Raz'ul. They dished about stuff. Raz'ul just sat around at the trees.
Goodrich: I played that song from Scott Pilgrim that’s (to the tune of “I Am So Sad, I Am So Very, Very Sad” from Scott Pilgrim vs The World) so sad!
Kyle: No, you didn't play any song. You told me you didn’t.
Goodrich: I know, I know Kyle! [Ali giggles] And I regret every single moment.
Kyle: Hey, well you know what–
Goodrich: No, I think the thing I regret most is like, not bringing Zil up in the conversation. Just like [giggles] “how does he work into your logic? He’s not even alive but, oh my gosh!”
Kyle: Yeah. And just to mention it uh, the only animal that Raz'ul has left is Miyagoato. The other two boars disappeared last time. And uh – just to give a little bit of credence behind that – I figured if you're far enough away from the magical item, they just disappear so, Goodrich you essentially just went too far away.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: And I’ll let you know if you ever get close to that realm again.
Goodrich: Yeah. It doesn’t really specify distance but all of us kind of talked about it and…
Kyle: I think it makes sense. That there should be a distance.
[Everyone agrees]
Ali: Honestly, good riddance.
Goodrich: Oh, my gosh.
[Players ‘oooh’ dramatically]
Kyle: Oh dang!
Ali: Yashee is still bleeding from being impaled by a boar tusk so, you know… [Goodrich giggles]
Goodrich: Yeah, I was– I was even gonna say like, all that stuff probably caused the most strife between us as a band in real life.
Ali: Yeah. [giggles]
Goodrich: And we had to bring it all – and we talked about it in the recap — but we had to like, bring it all in here, and it was super weird and, hopefully we did it justice but, you know… It’s tricky.
Kyle: But you got through it!
Goodrich: Yes! [laughs]
Kyle: And then you wrote an awesome jingle for uh, Conway Tweety.
Goodrich: Yes.
Ali: Truth.
Kyle: And uh, that was good for him.
Goodrich: [laughs] That’s positive a thinking about it.
Kyle: Yeah! So then you wound up back at the entrance of the crypt of the Tomb of the Dizz. And Yashee, you had noticed that there was a symbol from Randy's door atop the awning that you brushed away and revealed. And that's where you're standing. Cold air emits from the open door in front of you and a stairwell goes down into dark. [“Let’s Recap” music fades] What do?
Ali: Well uh… I guess we should go in. But, before that – since I did just mention me bleeding–
Kyle: Right.
Ali: Um, I should take my potion from last time that I never took. [Everyone laughs]
Kyle: Okay. So yeah that's 2d4 plus two if you roll that up.
Ali: All right, well then [rolls dice] …uh, five plus two, seven extra points!
Kyle: All right, cool. Go ahead and mark that down for hit points. What else?
Goodrich: Uh, I think Raz'ul’s gonna do his Mantle of Inspiration, if that’s cool?
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: So I think Raz'ul will like, try to mimic what Splash did in the Glamour room– [Kyle chuckles] –and like try to, throw his hair back into it, like “uuh!” [Players giggle] And uh, does it get all rainbow-y, Kyle?
Kyle: I mean it– this is totally up to you. That’s Symbol’s style.
Goodrich: Maybe like, some little flowers kind of appear in the air around me like– [Ali giggles] –you know, Snow White-style. Like some birds like, start chirping and I don’t know…
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali: Singing little songs? Just like fly out of… you? [Kyle chuckles]
Goodrich: Yeah yeah yeah. [someone sings “Ariel’s Voice” from The Little Mermaid] Okay, so you guys each get five temporary hit points. And I guess Conway does too, and Sandy, and Zil?
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Hooray!
Spurrier: Thanks!
Goodrich: And then they can use their reaction to move up to their speed without provoking Opportunity Attacks.
Kyle: Cool.
Goodrich: So anyways, I do that, and then also I'm going to cast Pass Without Trace. I’m just trying to like, buff us up a little bit. Is that cool?
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: Yeah, just mark it all down. Get ready.
Goodrich: Yeah so I say to you guys like–
[A crawling, mysterious theme fades in, “The Tomb of the Dizz”]
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Um… this– you know some stuff went down in here, supposedly. So I'm gonna cast an old favorite of mine, Pass Without Trace. If that’s cool with you guys?
Spurrier (as Randy): Ah.
Ali (as Yashee): That seems like a good idea.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Okay, cool.
Spurrier (as Randy): Classic.
Goodrich: And poof.
Spurrier: So Kyle, since it's super dark in there, I was gonna bring up my glow orb, but he's doing Pass Without Trace. Would my glow orb negate that? Should I like, not use it then, or how would that work?
Kyle: No, it's not gonna negate it since it's a magical effect.
Spurrier: Okay.
Goodrich: Do you just mean the glow orb would give away our position, that sort of thing?
Spurrier: Well, yeah. Like I was– yeah.
Kyle: People would see the glow orb.
Spurrier: Okay.
Kyle: Not you guys though. [Players express their understanding] Which would be really weird so… you know.
Spurrier (as Randy): Well, since we’re trying to be sneaky, if you guys wouldn’t mind kind of guiding me since I can't see in the dark like you guys can. I’m gonna keep the glow orb stowed for this one.
Goodrich: Alright. I take you by the hand.
Spurrier: Thank you!
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: Here we go.
Kyle: So it's a really narrow stairwell, so uh, what's the marching order here? Who's going to be first, middle and last?
Goodrich: Conway’s first. [Players laugh]
Kyle: Conway is actually not going down.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Wha– Conway, why?
Kyle (as Conway Tweety): Uh, like I uh, told your friends here when they changed me out, I'm not much of one to get up in the mix. So I'd be more than happy to stay up here and watch your animals for you. But, uh, underground tombs, it's a little bit of the creepy creeps for me. Uh… no dice, no thank you.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Oh. Yashee, are you down with that?
Ali (as Yashee): No that sounds great
Ali: I take out a piece of paper and I'm like:
Ali (as Yashee): Okay so now, Sandy really likes it when you like, rub her back– [Players laugh] –but not too long or she’ll get frustrated okay?
Kyle (as Conway Tweety): Okay.
Ali (as Yashee): And these are her snacks. [Players laugh]
Kyle (as Conway Tweety): Alright.
Ali (as Yashee): Only give her three though because, you know, we're trying to like, you know, lose a little weight. It’s okay though. [Everyone laughs]
Goodrich: She put on a little bit after the holidays, it’s fine.
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, living down there with Zil, it's like all she does is eat, so. [Players giggle]
Kyle (as Conway Tweety): Well, I'm sure you know better than I would miss, but, yeah. I'll gladly watch any of your compatriots you'd like to leave up here.
Goodrich: So I'll leave Miyagoato up there.
Kyle: Mmkay.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: Is that all?
Spurrier: And I’ll leave Zil. Zil is just like, staring into space, so. [Goodrich giggles]
Kyle (as Conway Tweety): Got ya, little guy.
Spurrier (as Randy): Thanks!
Goodrich: Okay. Well, I guess I'll go first, then. And I'll lead Randy.
Spurrier: Thank you.
Goodrich: And then, we’ll protect our little darkness…
Spurrier: (laughing) I can’t see.
Goodrich: (giggles) Yeah.
Ali: I'll take the rear.
Goodrich: Unless you wanted to go first?
Ali: Nope. [Players giggle]
Kyle (as Conway Tweety): Alright.
Goodrich: Okay. Are you good to go, Yashee?
Ali: Yeah, no, it’s fine.
Goodrich: Okay.
Ali: It's very dark so, I might have to hold Randy’s hand, honestly. [Players giggle]
Spurrier (as Randy): Thanks guys!
Kyle: Okay, so you make your way down the stairwell?
[Players agree]
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: Can I do a Perception Check? I mean, jeez! You're freaking me out, Kyle. [Ali giggles]
Ali: Wave your hand out in front of you just to make sure.
Goodrich: Okay yeah. That's what I'm doing.
Kyle: Okay. So you're waving your hand out in front of you and you're walking, and you don't feel anything. You get a few steps down, and then you feel a click underneath your foot.
Goodrich: [grunts] Should’ve rolled that Perception Check.
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: (giggling) Dang it!
Kyle: And at this point, the stairs just collapse into a ramp, and you all start sliding down to the bottom.
[Players cheer and give a collective “weeee!”]
Kyle: Yeah, you slide for a while and then Raz'ul, you land. Randy, you land. And Yashee, you come in, nice and big.
Ali: Comin’ in hot!
Goodrich: (laughing) Oh no!
Kyle: And uh… you bump into the two of them. You two go tumbling forward, and it's pitch black in here. Randy, you can't see anything.
Spurrier: Nope.
Kyle: Raz'ul and Yashee, you notice there's uh– it's just a small room, there's a casket in the middle. On the wall to your left and the wall to your right there are two alcoves on each side where the dead are laid to rest. These dead that are rested there, start to get off of their ledge and four skeletons stand up. And it looks like they're wearing like, nice robes that are old and tattered uh… but they look decorated in ways. And they stand up and look at you three. Go ahead and let's roll initiative.
Ali: Wait, hold on– [“The tomb of the Dizz” music fades] –do they have eyes though? Because if they're skeletons, how do we know they're looking at us?
Kyle: They are facing your direction. [Players laugh]
Ali: Right right, okay.
Goodrich: Do they look like Tubular Phunk Karate?
Kyle: They do not. [Players burst out laughing] If you knew what Tubular Phunk Karate looks like but, you don’t.
Goodrich: But everyone knows what they look like.
[Multiple dice roll]
Kyle: It's weird that there's four. If you think they're part of the school, it's weird that there's four because there's usually three per team.
Goodrich: It could have been them and their teacher.
Ali: Yeah, we have Conway.
Goodrich: Yeah. Who knows what they picked up along the way.
Ali: Seven, for Yashee.
Spurrier: Five.
Goodrich: Twelve.
Kyle: So our order is Raz'ul, Yashee, Randy, and the skeletons. So Raz'ul, what do?
Goodrich: Is there anywhere to hide in here?
Kyle: Uh, there is a casket in the middle of the room and that's about the only thing to hide behind. But it’s longways in the room as you're facing it, so if you hide on one side, two of them can see you, and if you hide on the other side, two of them can see you.
Goodrich: Oh, gotcha.
Kyle: And they have like, noticed you.
Goodrich: Yeah, okay. I, I– okay, they're not coming towards us, they just stood up right?
Kyle: Yeah they've just stood up and uh, are facing you.
Goodrich: Okay, I just say:
[A stripped down, lighter version of the otherwise intense “Battle Themes” fades in]
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Hello. Um… we're looking for Tubular Phunk Karate. Is that you guys, or…?
Kyle: There's no response.
Goodrich: Can I just roll a Perception Check? Is that cool?
Kyle: Sure.
Goodrich: [rolls die] [deep sigh] It’s a five plus five, ten.
Kyle: Again, the way you entered this room is you slid down– [Goodrich giggles]
Goodrich: Right.
Kyle: –and Randy bumped into you and Yashee bumped into you. So you got like, pushed forward and you're on the ground. And you just look up from the ground and see those things standing there.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: You say what you said a minute ago, and all you notice is just the base of the casket you're near, and those two to your right.
Goodrich: Gotcha. Okay. If I want to just pass my turn to Yashee, could I do that? [Battle music fades out]
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Okay, then I just pass my turn to Yashee.
Kyle: Alright, so we go from Raz'ul’s turn to Yashee’s turn.
Ali: Okay, um… where's the door out of here? Like, is it–
Kyle: Behind you.
Ali: Is there a different door that leads somewhere else?
Kyle: Well, you're sitting on the ground looking around and you don't see one.
Ali: Alright– [Battle music fades back in] –well I'll go ahead and stand up, brush myself off, um. [Goodrich giggles] Really, I'm ready to get out of here already. I don't like the looks of this dark, cramped space. So, can I look around now that I'm up on my feet? [Goodrich laughs]
Kyle: Yeah. You look around and you notice on the far side, it looks like there's a person facing away from you at the back wall. Uh, they appear to be standing at a desk of sorts that melds into the wall, and there's organ pipes running up the ceiling, so. But, yeah.
Ali: Okay. I’d like to go check that out, now. [Goodrich giggles]
Kyle: Mmkay. So you make your way over there, and you're walking past two of the skeletons.
Ali: Yeah, I’m gonna be like, squeezing between them, like:
Ali (as Yashee): Excuse me. Excuse me please.
Goodrich: (strained) “Yeah, I just gotta get through here!”
Kyle: And they kind of look at you as you're squeezing by and they just both take a sword out and try to attack you with it.
Ali: Oh my.
Goodrich: But she has my sweet Mantle though, so no Attack of Opportunity.
Kyle: Oh yeah, that’s true! Good call.
Goodrich: Woohoo!
Kyle: Yep, you're able to squeeze by with that Mantle of Inspiration and no Attack of Opportunities against you. Good job, Goodrich.
Ali: Fantastic.
Goodrich: Do you say, “Oh, watch where you’re pointing those things”?
[Everyone laughs]
Ali: “Put that away!”
Kyle: But you make it over to the other side of the room, uh… Just checking everything out. Is that what you wanna do?
Ali: Yeah, I'm gonna go to the um… desk and poke whatever I think that person is. Like tap on it like–
Ali (as Yashee): (cartoonish voice) Hello. [Goodrich giggles]
Kyle: You tap on it and there's like, a ringing of metal. [we hear several taps on a hollow, metal surface] You look at the desk and it appears to be part instrument part writing desk. The person standing at the desk turns out to be some kind of automaton of sorts. And it resembles a human man with a goatee wearing John Lennon-looking glasses–
Goodrich: Splash!
[Players burst out laughing]
Kyle: …fingers are outstretched over a very familiar-looking keyboard. And it looks like there's something written above on the– where the music rests.
Ali: And I'll read that.
Kyle: It says, “I often won the debate before it became too asinine.” That’s it.
Goodrich: I wonder if he’s talking about Bear Berries.
[Players giggle and Spurrier groans]
Ali: Probably not.
Goodrich: (laughing) Yeah!
Kyle: I think we got past the asinine part.
Goodrich: Yeah.
[Everyone bursts out laughing]
Kyle: But uh, yeah. Anything else?
Ali: No. I'll just yell out:
Ali (as Yashee): Hey guys, there's something kind of cool over here! Come check it out! They've got swords though so like, be careful.
Ali: That’s it. [Players giggle]
Kyle: Alright. [Battle music fades] And we'll go to Randy's turn.
Spurrier. Yeah. So I can't see anything, Kyle? I really have no idea what's going on?
Kyle: Yep. You can't see anything. Um… technically you are considered blinded under the conditions chart, which means, you can't see, and automatically fail any Ability Checks that require sight. Attack rolls against you have advantage and any attacks you make against a creature is at disadvantage.
Spurrier: All right. [Battle music returns] Well, given that I heard there were swords, I'm just gonna sit quietly and wait until something happens, so.
Kyle: Okay, so you stay still?
Spurrier: Yes.
Kyle: Two of you are on the ground.
Goodrich: Chillin’.
Kyle. Prone.
Spurrier: Oh, I will stand up though.
Kyle: Okay, you stand up.
Goodrich: I'm holding prone, though.
Ali: You’re holding each other’s hand like “Got ya buddy!”
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: All right.
Goodrich: Can Randy help me up? Can that be his action? [Ali giggles]
Kyle: Do you help your friend up?
Spurrier (as Randy): Would you like to stand?
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Yes, please.
Spurrier (as Randy): All right. Up-in-see.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): [battle grunt]
Kyle: Okay, so you're able to stand up. Good job. [Players laugh] Alright. So Randy, anything else?
Spurrier: Uh… I guess since I know there’s something scary, with swords, I'm just gonna go ahead and take advantage of the uh, Pass Without Trace. I'm gonna hide.
Kyle: Okay.
Spurrier: [Rolls die] So that is a ten plus nine plus ten– [Ali laughs] –(laughing) for twenty-nine.
Goodrich: We’re back there, Kyle.
Kyle: That’s fine! Because, you know, under the rules of stealth, if someone can see you, you can't really get to hide from them. You can try your hardest, so.
Spurrier: I am!
Goodrich: Look Kyle, he’s trying his hardest!
Kyle: (laughing) If that's the end of Randy’s turn– [Players laugh] –then we go to my skeletons.
Ali: Aw.
Kyle: The two skeletons that you walked by Yashee, are walking towards you and they are gonna make attacks– [Goddrich “aww”s in disappointment] –with their short swords. And… one got a critical hit, and the other got a nineteen. [A melodic chorus sings “Aw yeah!” and the Goodrich laughs]
Goodrich: Both of those hit.
Kyle: On the critical hit you wind up taking twelve Piercing Damage, and then on the regular hit, you wind up taking four Piercing Damage.
Ali: I thought they were going to be nice skeletons.
Goodrich: I did too, man!
Ali: They just let me through. They were just like (cartoonish voice) “It's okay! Here ya go!”
Kyle: Oh, you thought, didn't you? Then they attack against Randy, which is going to miss. You’re scurrying around hiding and whatnot. And then one's going to attack Raz'ul.
Goodrich: Aw.
Kyle: And it gets a crit miss [Goodrich giggles]. And it goes to pull out its shortsword and its hand kind of like, drops the sword and it has to spend its action picking it up.
Goodrich: Yes! [Spurrier laughs]
Kyle: And that will take us to the top with Raz'ul. [Battle music fades out] What are you gonna do?
Goodrich: So since I passed my turn to Yashee, do I get like two turns now?
Kyle: Nope!
Goodrich: Oookay. Alright, well that’s fine.
Kyle: Use it or lose it.
Goodrich: Yes, that's a good point. [Ali giggles] Okay. Well, if there's one thing that Heroes of Might and Magic III has taught me is that skeletons are super weak. Right, Kyle?
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Okay, so I'm just gonna smack one with Upsumtin. Just take it out.
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: I'm going to do two-handed so it's a 1d10 and I get a plus six to hit. [rolls dice]
Kyle: Alright, so roll that attack.
Goodrich: So, it's a sixteen plus six.
Kyle: That's definitely gonna hit.
Goodrich: Alright!
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: And I have the capo attached so twenty percent chance of a headshot.
Kyle: Okay, go ahead and roll me or attack– or uhh roll me your damage.
Goodrich: [rolls die] Six!
Kyle: And uh, roll me the percentile dice. And what did I say? It’s a…?
Goodrich: It’s twenty percent.
Kyle: Twenty percent, so uh…
Goodrich: So I'll say high! [rolls dice] Oh, it's a ninety-one!
Kyle: Alright, so double that damage.
Goodrich: Alright! So twelve, plus my strength, three, so fifteen.
Kyle: All right yeah. [Battle music returns] You uh, you stand up and you pull back Usumptin and give it a roundhouse two-hander, and you just hit this skeleton right across the chin, and the head just spins around on its neck and then topples off.
Goodrich: (laughing) Yes!
Kyle: And the rest of the bones collapse into a pile. One down.
Goodrich: Can I use a bonus action to hand Usumptin to Randy and say, “Try this.”
Kyle: Sure.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Oh, dude. Dude, hey. Did you see that? Check it out, give it a shot. I know you can't really see that well but don't worry about it.
Spurrier (as Randy): I don't know what's going on.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Oh.
Kyle: You feel Raz'ul handing you Usumptin and putting your hand on the hilt as you hear [mimics cracking and creaking, players giggle and Goodrich joins in]. And the sound of bones falling to the ground.
Ali: It’ll be like a fun piñata thing. [Players giggle]
Kyle: Alright, that ends Raz'ul’s turn. We'll go to Yashee. [Battle music fades out] What are you doing?
Ali: I mean, okay. I was gonna do a Blade Flourish.
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: Right? Because I haven't gotten to do one yet.
Kyle: Right.
Ali: But, I feel like this is easy to beat. I don't know if I want to waste the inspiration die on it… I will. I wanna see what happens. [Player laugh] So, okay. A couple things…
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: I'm gonna do a Reckless Attack since it's my first attack of the turn so I have advantage.
Kyle: Okay, go for it.
Ali: Uh, and then I'm going to do both my hammers – so that’s a two weapon [Goodrich giggles]– and then it's going to be a Mobile Blade Flourish. So I'm going to hit them and then knock them back.
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: Jeez! You’re really putting it to these skeletons.
Ali: Oh yeah! [Goodrich giggles]
Kyle: Alright, so go ahead and roll both of your attacks at advantage since you're going reckless this round.
Ali: Oh yes. [rolls dice] So… okay so that's twelve plus seven so the first one’s nineteen.
Kyle: Okay, that's gonna hit.
Ali: And then… [rolls dice] Eighteen plus seven so twenty-five on the second.
Kyle: (laughing) Yeah, that’s gonna hit too.
Ali: Oh! And then I have to roll my inspiration die.
Kyle: Okay to see how many feet you move them?
Ali: To see how many feet I move them and it deals extra damage.
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: So it's just 1d6. [rolls die] So that is six.
Kyle: Okay, so–
Ali: So they'll both be moved back eleven feet because it's five plus. And then the damage is plus six also.
Kyle: Alright, so go ahead and roll your damage for both attacks. [Players laugh] Are you splitting this up between the two or are you just attacking one out of the two?
Ali: I'm going to attack one with one hammer and one with the other.
Kyle: Okay, so I'm going to split that six damage between the two of them so they each have three damage currently. And let's see what your attacks do individually to them.
Ali: [Rolls die] Twelve for the first one.
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: [Rolls die] Nine for the second one.
Kyle: Okay. [Battle music returns] So, you do these attacks, and they seem to be more powerful than they would normally be against like, a foe who's living. And you just hear the immediate crunch as your weapons deal twice as much damage as you just told me.
Ali: Yes!
Kyle: They both pretty much just crumble before even hitting the wall. [Players make surprised noises] So uh, yeah, your bludgeoning weapons did really good against the skeletons.
Goodrich: Huzzah!
Ali: Thanks!
Spurrier: Nice!
Kyle: So those two are dead. Again.
Ali: Dusted! [Goodrich laughs]
Kyle: That'll take us to Randy's turn. [Battle music fades out] You're sitting in the dark, holding Usumptin. You just heard two different kinds of bony-sounding explosions– [Players giggle] –and then a crumbling of bone to the ground like you heard about six seconds ago.
[Battle music returns]
Spurrier: So I turn to Raz'ul and say:
Spurrier (as Randy): What's– Why did you give this to me?
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): I mean you should try it. I mean, I know you can't really see that great but I–
Spurrier (as Randy): (hesitantly) Try what?
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Just– Oh! Skeletons. There's like a few skeletons in here.
Spurrier (as Randy): And what am I trying?
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Just to smack one of them.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh. Like a piñata-style or…?
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Yeah!
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay! You wanna spin me and then kind of push me towards it?
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Yeah!
Goodrich: I spin Randy. [Ali giggles]
Kyle: Mmkay. Randy, you spin around?
Spurrier: Okay.
Goodrich: I push him towards the skeleton that’s in front of him and say:
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Go! Go, Randy, go!
Spurrier: And I start swinging wildly and screaming. [Goodrich laughs]
Kyle: Okay. Roll your attack at disadvantage for not being able to see.
Spurrier: Cool. [multiple dice rolls] Since this is Usumptin…? [Players laugh]
Goodrich: It’s so special!
Kyle: Are you– You’re only proficient with simple weapons, right?
Spurrier: Correct. It’s a pretty simple weapon!
Kyle: I think Usumptin’s a simple weapon. [Players agree] I mean like–
Goodrich: On the surface! [Ali giggles] Oh boy!
Spurrier: So I would just add…?
Kyle: Yeah, add your proficiency and your strength.
Spurrier: Of which I have so much. Ripped little Randy. Alright, so that’s a ten total.
Kyle: Ten does not hit. [Spurrier groans] As you were swinging and like, it just keeps missing. You hit the edge of the casket near you and you hit the ground a little bit – ‘cause Usumptin’s a little heavy for you.
Ali: He hits Raz'ul, you know. [Everyone laughs]
Kyle: Oh yeah, good call!
Goodrich: He’s just like a mass, when he’s spinning around. Like [makes chaotic spinning sound, Ali belly laughs]
Kyle: But uh… but yeah. No dice.
Spurrier: Great. So to speak. [Goodrich giggles] Alright! So I guess I will use my bonus action to disengage and uh– [Players giggle] –I hopefully back away from what I’m attacking.
Kyle: Yeah, you back away and uh, you move about five feet before hitting a wall.
Spurrier: Awesome.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Sorry! [Players giggle]
Kyle: And it goes to my “skelly-tons’” turn. And, the skeleton is going to see Randy back away, and take a step towards it, and attack. [rolls dice]
Goodrich: I’m glad we’re finally battling skeletons after (laughing) twenty-nine episodes. [Ali laughs]
Kyle: And a thirteen is not going to hit ya. [Spurrier and Goodrich cheer] So it misses, and we go back to the top with Raz'ul. [Battle music fades out]
Goodrich: Okay. I don't have my axe, I’m running low on spells.
Ali: [laughs] [Battle music returns] Yashee calls out–
Ali (as Yashee): Hey! J-Just hit them with your, you know, like fists! [Goodrich laughs] Just try punching them. It’s easy!
Goodrich: Can just like, run at them and tackle them?
Kyle: Yeah, you wanna run into a grapple?
Goodrich: No, I just want to run at them, you know, with my fist punching and just going like [battle cries pathetically] Like– you know that Gang Beasts game where– [Players laugh] I’ve been playing Smash Brothers so it’s kind of in my noodle.
Kyle: Right, just running and punching.
Goodrich: Punching. So, that would be that.
Kyle: So go ahead and roll and attack roll, you are proficient with your unarmed strike.
Goodrich: Heyy. [rolls die]
Ali: Really?
Kyle: Yeah, it’s just punching.
Ali: You’ve been proficient this whole time… in unarmed strike.
Goodrich: I, I didn't know that.
Kyle: It's like everybody is proficient with using their like, hands. [Players make noises of understanding]
Goodrich: Oh okay, well fourteen– [rolls die] –and then also a three so…
Kyle: Okay, so you hit with one fist, the other one misses and you do a total of four bludgeoning damage which is bludgeoning so, it doubles, so.
Ali: Nice!
Goodrich: It’s not down?
Kyle: Not down.
Goodrich: Aww. I shake my fists out like–
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Ah! Ooh!
Kyle: Yeah. [Ali giggles] [Battle music fades out] Uh, but that's gonna be your turn and it's Yahsee’s turn. You see… Pretty much uh, Randy's in a corner like, doesn't look like he knows what he's doing– [Spurrier giggles] –holding a way too big axe. Uh, he’s cornered by a skeleton that Raz'ul just ran up and gave some “punchings” to.
Goodrich: I'm sure like, “Bunch of amateurs. Jeez!”
Ali: [laughs] That was sad to watch. [Everyone laughs]
Goodrich: (laughing) Yeah!
Ali: You know what? This uh, skeleton’s looking like it's on its last leg uh. I think I just want to run straight at it and, with my whole body, just kind of smash it into the wall?
Kyle: (laughing) Okay. Uh, there's an ability called Charger which gives you like, bonuses and stuff like that. You don’t have this feature–
Ali: I don’t have that.
Kyle: –So I'm just going to use your body as an unarmored attack, much like I did with Raz'ul’s fists. So go ahead and roll me and attack with proficiency.
Ali: [rolls die] Alright, that is a fourteen plus seven. So twenty-one!
Kyle: Okay, yeah, that definitely hits. Go ahead and roll– Actually you don’t have to roll damage. In unarmored attack, automatically it's one plus your strength modifier, which is what I did for you, Raz'ul.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: Which means you did–
Ali: So that would be five.
Kyle: –five. And yeah. [Battle music returns] You uh… It's not like a straight line, but you're able to like, jump over the casket that's in the middle of the room and you dive off of it with your shoulder like right towards the skeleton’s skull, and you get that into the wall, right above Randy, and it crushes.
Ali: Yes!
Kyle: And Randy, you feel hard pieces of debris– [Goodrich giggles] –and crunched up stuff falling on your head.
Spurrier: Oh!
Kyle: But uh, no yeah. You are able to just completely smash this skeleton up against the wall and it is gone. [Battle music fades out for good]
Ali: Yep!
Kyle: Combat’s over!
Goodrich: Yay!
Spurrier: Doin’ great.
Kyle: So yeah. What do you want to do in this room? It’s dark, Randy.
Spurrier: Yeah.
[A slightly brighter mysterious theme fades in, “Investigating After Battle”]
Ali: Uh… so I’ll go–
Ali (as Yashee): Hey, now that there's no more skeletons, now you guys should come check this out over here. It’s like a weird organ and stuff. You might like it.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Oh okay. Hey, bust out that driftglobe.
Spurrier: Yeah, I bust that out. Investigation.
Goodrich: I’ll do one too!
Kyle: What are you investigating?
Spurrier: Uh… I’m gonna investigate the uh, automaton, slash, organ pipes. See what’s going on with that.
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: Me too!
Ali: I would like to investigate the casket.
Kyle: Okay. [Multiple dice rolls] Yashee, what’d you get?
Ali: A nineteen.
Kyle: You're investigating the casket and you notice that there is a very odd, clean line around the base of it. It looks like, you know, there's dust everywhere else but you notice a clean line of just regular stone. Doesn't look like it has dust on it or anything. And you notice the casket is slightly open. It's kind of ajar and off kilter, and there's nothing inside it from what you can see.
Ali: Okay. Good, good, good. [Players make thinking noises]
Kyle: What did uh, Raz'ul and Randy get?
Spurrier: After you.
Goodrich: I got a nineteen.
Spurrier: I got an eighteen.
Kyle: Mmkay. Randy, you notice this immediately as you're looking over the automaton. You can tell– you can see the inner workings and mechanics of it, but you get to looking at the keyboard that is on this like, keyboard-writers-desk-combo, and… man, if that's not your organ, I don't know what it is.
Spurrier: Oh boy! Alright.
Goodrich: With mine, I say–
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): That looks like your organ.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh! Thanks! [Players giggle]
Kyle: Yeah, Raz'ul, you notice most of the same things too uh. Raz'ul you notice the writing on there as well. You both notice the writing on the music stand.
Goodrich: It’s like, on a piece of sheet music or the music stand or…?
Kyle: No, it’s carved into the music stand.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: And it says, “I often won the debate before it became too asinine.”
Goodrich: Oh, that’s right.
Ali (as Yashee): Make sure you read that to him.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah what?
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): So… here, Yashee? Could you come here real quick?
Ali (as Yashee): Uh sure.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): We're gonna teach Randy the word asinine.
Ali (as Yashee): (giggling) Oh!
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): (counting them in) Three, four.
Goodrich and Ali (in character): (singing to the tune of “Reading Rainbow”) He-ee, can’t read anything! Illiterate, but he won’t quit, he’ll be a reading Randy!
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Alright, so Randy?
Spurrier (as Randy): Mm-hm?
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): This word is asinine. Which means I guess like, foolish and unintelligent, and stuff. [Spurrier (as Randy) hums in understanding] Silly, uh… Yeah! So you know– I don't know– Gareth, I suppose?
Spurrier (as Randy): Well obviously.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Yeah! [They laugh] So, yeah. That's three down. We'll get you there, bud.
Spurrier (as Randy): An asinine berry… Not an asinine Yashee that wouldn't make any sense.
Ali (as Yashee): I mean… [Goodrich laughs]
Spurrier (as Randy): No, never!
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): We know your intelligence score isn't like, super high but that’s alright.
Spurrier (as Randy): Not asinine though.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): No no no.
Ali (as Yashee): I’ve been known to be a little silly too. [Players laugh]
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): I mean, when it comes to the Bear– Nope. Not going there. [Players laugh] Anywho, yeah! So that's cool.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, well, thanks.
Goodrich: And I read the rest of it to him.
Kyle: You read out the rest of it to him which, again, that says, “I often won the debate before it became too asinine.”
Spurrier: And when we were playing just then, since I was playing, did anything happen?
Kyle: Were you playing on your organ or on the, the one that was there.
Spurrier: Oh, I was playing on mine.
Kyle: That's why I figured.
Spurrier: Oh.
Kyle: So no, nothing happens. Y'all just play a song and teach Randy a word.
Goodrich: Great!
Spurrier: But I can tell that these keys could actually be like, played? It's not just like a–?
Kyle: It does look like they could be played, yeah.
Spurrier: Oh!
Kyle: That's something you garnered in your investigation.
Spurrier: Cool.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): You should try playing it.
Spurrier (as Randy): Alright.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): That’d be pretty cool, right?
Spurrier (as Randy): Uh, yeah!
Spurrier: So I'm gonna play something.
Kyle: Okay. Anything in particular, you have in mind?
Spurrier: Uh… I guess I'll play an old halfling folk song or something. That seems as good a thing as any.
Kyle: Okay. So you go– start going up to it and you find your place on the keyboard and you press the first key. And no music comes from it, but you feel a very mechanical like, “click” happen.
Spurrier: Oh! Okay.
Goodrich: Oh jeez.
Kyle: And you do a couple more and it's the same thing. But they all kind of reset to the same space. And uh, after you play a little bit, the automaton that is sitting there– you see it sticks out its tongue. It just goes (probably sticks out his tongue) and pulls it back in. [Players giggle]
Ali (as Yashee): Aw! That’s not very nice!
Goodrich: No traps or anything?
Kyle: No traps.
Goodrich: Phew!
Spurrier: Uh, weird. All right. Well I'm just gonna start playing from the bottom up to the top, just, chromatically.
Goodrich: I thought you were gonna say “I’m gonna start playing from the bottom of my heart”! [Everyone laughs]
Kyle: Alright, so you just, you go up to the thing and like, uh… Give me a Wisdom Check real quick
Spurrier: [rolls die] That is a thirteen plus one.
Kyle: Okay, with a fourteen I'd say you notice this. You're going through and, you go through some and and you see the tongue stick out, it pulls back in, and you start going up more. And then, you see this tongue stick out two times and then after the third time this tongue sticks out, you notice it sticking out after every six notes or so.
Spurrier: Alright so I tell you guys–
Spurrier (as Randy): Every six notes uh, it sticks his little tongue out, all flopping around.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Yeah, I saw it. It’s weird.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yashee, I guess, when it comes out this time, you want to grab it? See what happens?
Ali (as Yashee): Sure, yeah.
Spurrier: I play six notes. This time I just play six of the same note, just to see if it does the same thing.
Kyle: It does do the same thing. [Goodrich giggles] And, yeah, give me– give me a Strength Check. You're able to grab it because it sticks out for a moment and then it starts to pull back in, give me a Strength Check.
Ali: [rolls die] [Goodrich giggles and Ali mimics the melody of a sad trombone]
Kyle: Critical miss?
Goodrich: Yeah.
Ali: Yeah– well. Plus a four, so five.
Kyle: Well regardless you're not able to keep your hand tight on this tongue and it sticks back in.
Ali (as Yashee): It’s so slippery!
Goodrich: I'm gonna try to do it. [Rolls die]
Kyle: The tongue’s not sticking out.
Goodrich: [sighs] Dang it, well it was a three.
Spurrier: Well I play six notes, but yeah.
Kyle: Okay, you played six notes.
Goodrich: That was a three plus three.
Kyle: Tongue sticks out and slips back in. [Goodrich sighs]
Spurrier: What if I play a six-note chord, Kyle?
Kyle: You play a six note chord?
Spurrier: Yeah.
Kyle: You push all six in, the tongue sticks out, and nothing happens.
Spurrier: If I hold the chord does the tongue stay out or does it just, like, come out for a short period of time and then pop back in?
Kyle: You hold the chord down, and the tongue doesn't stick out until you depress the chord. Like, until you let go.
Spurrier: Oh, okay. Well I pull out all the plans that I've found. The one I got from Yashee. Is there anything on there about, like, any notes that I see? Any like notation or chords or anything like– Something that like– A little ditty that I could play that involves six notes?
Kyle: No, there's nothing on there. A lot of that is mainly schematic work and kind of mathematical-looking in its process. Uh, nothing that you can really glean or garner.
Spurrier: Mmkay.
Ali: Well this might be a stretch, but there are like, numbers within the words of that sentence, like, “off-TEN” (often), and “ONE” (won), “deb-EIGHT” (debate). So…
Goodrich: Oooh yeah! Okay so it’s–
Ali: “bee-FOUR” (before), “became TWO” (too), and “assi-NINE” (asinine)?
Goodrich: So ten, one, eight, four, two, nine?
Spurrier: …four, two, nine. Yeah.
Goodrich: So I guess if, Randy– Well, does Yashee say that? [Everyone bursts out laughing] “Look at my brilliant deduction, guys!”
Ali: “I’ve come to the conclusion that…”
Goodrich: (laughing) Yeah!
Kyle: “After much research!”
Goodrich: I mean, yeah. That’s still like, cool right?
Kyle: Yeah that's fine! As players, if you figure out a puzzle is totally cool and you can introduce it as your character however you want.
Ali: Okay. [Players start giggling again]
Kyle: There's a tip for you, listeners.
Ali: So, Yashee pipes in–
Ali (as Yashee): Uh, g– What about like, one and two like, could that be anything?
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Yeah. (And as if struck with a brilliant idea) Oh! [Players burst out laughing]
Ali (as Yashee): Maybe it’s a numbers game!
[Someone mumbles about numbers in a cartoonish voice]
Ali: And working together we find the rest. [giggles]
Goodrich: So okay. So can Randy just play like, starting on, I guess, A? That's like, where pianos start, is a low A?
Spurrier: Well, so like, alphabet A would be one then.
Goodrich: Right.
Spurrier: So then ten would be F sharp, one would be A, eight would be E, four would be C, two would be B flat, and nine would be F.
Kyle: You push those?
Spurrier: Yeah.
Spurrier (as Randy): [plays the random set of notes on piano]
Kyle: The tongue sticks out.
Goodrich: [bursts out laughing] Dang it!
Spurrer: Oh boy. And does it go back in this time?
Kyle: It does go back in.
Spurrier: Oh no!
Goodrich: Oh. Just try it in like, all the keys.
Spurrier: Yeah!
Goodrich: We know nothing bad's gonna happen. [Everyone laughs]
Spurrier: I mean I’ve done six over and over again and it’s just being a little tongue boy. [Players giggle] Um, alright. So I’m just gonna go do the pattern up a half step and a half step and, hopefully something will happen if we keep going up.
Kyle: (laughing) Okay.
Ali: If anything, we'll find out that's not right and we’re back to square one. [Players agree]
Spurrier: Yeah, maybe we’ll find out if this pattern is wrong.
Kyle: So you pull out your trusty GameShark– [Players burst out laughing] –and you plug it in, and you essentially find a cheat way around it. Which is fine, because that's my issue to deal with with patterns. [Players giggle] So eventually you land on a pattern that does not cause the tongue to stick out. [Players make sounds of surprise] And that pattern starts on B flat.
Goodrich: Oh.
Spurrier: Oh, okay. So we only have to go up a, a little bit.
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali: We were close.
Spurrier: I basically had to do it four more times, that's not awful. So, yeah. [Everyone agrees]
Goodrich: And then what happens? [Players laugh]
[The “Investigation” theme fades out, a moderate, chilling tune replaces it]
Kyle: So you play those notes, and then the automaton just smiles. [Players make noises expressing hesitant interest] And you start to hear a– [Kyle mimics the sound] [SFX: rough and heavy objects sliding against each other] –as the casket is sliding on the ground, revealing a staircase going down further into the tomb.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): [groans]
Spurrier (as Randy): Game on.
Ali (as Yashee): We have to keep going further down? [Players laugh]
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Alright. Do you wanna just keep your glow orb on, Randy, while we go down?
Spurrier (as Randy): I mean, I think at this point, yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Okay. Just maybe you stay at the end and then, you know, we'll peek around the corners, you know. We got that Pass Without Trace happening, so.
Spurrier (as Randy): Darkvision?
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Yeah.
Goodrich: I’ll lead the way again.
Kyle: Alright, so–
Goodrich: Unless you don’t need to know marching order?
Kyle: No, I definitely do. [Ali giggles]
Goodrich Can I do a Perception Check on the freaking stairs?
Kyle: Yeah, yeah.
Goodrich: Can we all do it?
Spurrier: Yeah, let’s do it.
Ali: Sure.
Goodrich: [rolls die] Ten plus five, fifteen.
[Multiple dice rolls]
Ali: Seventeen.
Spurrier: Ten.
Kyle: And Raz'ul, since you're cursed, why don't you just go ahead and roll with disadvantage like you’re supposed to.
Goodrich: (laughing) Oh, dang it!
Ali: Oh yes.
Goodrich: [rolls die] That’s a six plus five, so eleven.
Kyle: Okay. You don't notice it. And Randy, you got a ten.
Spurrier: Mmhmm.
Kyle: Yashee, since you’re in the back, you don't have a chance to notice this– [Players make noises of disappointment] –but you hear the click– [SFX: click] –as Raz'ul steps onto a portion of the stairs. And you start to hear the– [Kyle mimics the sound [SFX: rough, heavy objects sliding against each other]] –and the casket is sliding back over the top.
Ali (as Yashee): Oh no!
Ali: Uh, I’ll tell you guys–
Ali (as Yashee): Wait a second!
Ali: And I, and I try to run and jump out of there real quick. [Goodrich giggles]
Kyle: Okay, if you want to try to beat the casket, give me an Athletics Check. [Players laugh]
Goodrich: (laughing) Okay?
Ali: Alright that is a five plus ten.
Kyle: That is not gonna get it. You stumble and like, clamor your way up the stairs, frantically trying to beat the casket. And you get there at the last second, just for it to close on you. And you do the typical “Ugh!” thing. You bang your fists on it like, “Darn!” [chilling “Hidden Staircase” theme fades out]
Goodrich: Hang your head. “Ugh! So close.”
Ali: So now it's like pitch black?
Kyle: No, there's still the driftglobe– [a shrill, echo-y melody fades in] –but this is a really tight corridor and probably, actually the smallest space that y’all have been in.
Spurrier: Yeah.
Ali: (anxious) Oh.
Kyle: So that being said, you're starting to feel a little uneasy and I think if you want to avoid being frightened, you should give me a Wisdom saving throw.
Ali: Oh no, I’m so scared!
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Sorry, Yashee.
Spurrier (as Randy): Sorry.
Kyle Oh, yeah!
Ali: Ooh yeah, thanks. [rolls die] That’s a sixteen.
Kyle: Uh, with a sixteen you're able to manage it, and, you know, you feel comforted by the light.
Goodrich: And your bard friends!
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: We're here too. Comforting you.
Kyle: And uh, you’re able to shake it. You're still like, uneasy, but there's no adverse effects to your surroundings, currently.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Phew. I guess let’s keep going. You alright?
Ali (as Yashee): Alright, just, just keep that glow orb near me, okay? I'm, I’m starting to feel weird.
Spurrier (as Randy): Done.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Alright, down we go.
Kyle: You continue down the stairs, and eventually uh, you can see that it opens up down at the bottom. Above the entranceway to this new open area, you see – carved into the wall – it says, “Music moves more than the soul.” You see the opening down there beneath it. What do you do? Just gonna walk on through?
Ali: We cautiously proceed? Cautiously. [Players agree]
Goodrich: Can we all just like, go up to like, the doorway and stick our heads out? [Ali giggles] You know classic, like, boop! boop! Boop! Randy, Raz'ul, Yashee.
Kyle: Yeah, yep, you can do that. Perception.
Goodrich: Perception Check! [rolls die and sighs] I got five plus five at disadvantage.
Ali: Aw.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Ali: Mine’s a seven.
Kyle: Alright.
[SFX: a chorus sings “Aw Yeah!”]
Goodrich: Hooray!
Spurrier: Plus ten. [Players burst out laughing]
Kyle: It’s a uh, good dark room. Uh, Yashee and Raz'ul you're having a hard time, maybe some dust got in your eye or something.
Goodrich Well we're like, trying to position ourselves above Randy like look out. It’s kinda hard and Randy’s just laying on the ground.
Spurrier: Yeah.
Ali: We’re just fumbling all over each other.
Kyle: You can all tell that this hallway is rather large. It's about forty feet long, fifteen feet wide, and about twenty feet tall. Randy, you can only see like maybe the first thirty feet of it because of the driftglobe and, you know, how light goes and whatnot. [Spurrier hums in understanding] You catch all this detail that there is a large, large carving on the wall to the left, and it looks like a large carving on the wall to the right as well. But you notice the carvings are broken up into four different images — top left, top right, bottom left, bottom right. Um… That's, that's all you see. That's what you see. Yeah, and you see a– well, you can't see the other side of the room because, darkness and whatnot. And the driftglobe only goes so far. Yashee and Raz'ul, you – after a moment – you kind of notice like, yeah there's carvings on the wall. And you see a door at the other end and– but, you know, you're kind of just glossing over the minor details.
Goodrich: ‘Kay.
Spurrier: Well, shall we?
Goodrich: I guess so. We don't really have much of a choice at this point, so.
Ali: Super cautiously. This looks like prime booby trap.
Goodrich: Yeah, yes. There’s nothing to hide behind as we go through the hallway?
Kyle: No, this hallway is open–
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: –and there is nothing else except for the carvings on the wall and the door at the end of it.
Goodrich: Gotcha. What are the carvings of? Do we recognize them as anything?
Kyle: Oh, would you like to investigate that? [Players laugh] Is that what you want to do?
Spurrier: Well sure, please!
Ali: Let’s all do it.
Goodrich: All of us do it.
[Multiple dice rolls]
Kyle: Which ones do you want to investigate–?
Goodrich: [bursts out laughing] That's a big, fat one for me, so.
Kyle: Yup.
Ali: Mine's a six.
Spurrier: Mine’s a twelve.
Goodrich: I got my eyes on the prize: the door. It’s all I’m looking at.
Kyle: It, it, it's not hard to tell the details unless you just decide to poke yourself in the eyes, which I guess Raz'ul did. [Goodrich laughs] So uh, Yashee and Randy, you notice the left wall. It depicts an image containing a set of circles that are inlaid into a hill with three houses atop it. Surrounding this house are many other hills with many houses on them. The circles that are on this hill are eight circles in total: six are pearl inlaid and two are obsidian inlaid. At the center is a very common depiction of what you know to be the goddess Altonia. The right side of this hallway, you notice, is broken into sections, like I mentioned. The top left image depicts angelic beings that are inlaid pearl, stepping through disks in the sky as a mix of races are engaged in combat on the world below them. A sun is carved into the top right corner, and a moon is carved into the top left.
Kyle (continued): The top right image shows a trio of angelic beings meeting with a collection of the world's races, and there's a construction going on in the background. A sun is carved into the top right corner, and a moon is carved into the top left. The bottom left depicts two trios: one set of angelic beings, and a set of the world races. And they are standing near a large instrument which is a combination of what looks to be arcanic machinery and an organ. A sun is carved into the top right corner, and a moon is carved into the top left. The bottom right shows three angelic figures that are now gray rather than pearl standing near what you would swear to be the Hemp Hills. In the background you see a dismantled machine, and other angelic beings that aren't grayed out. And they are leaving through disks in the sky, while carrying components of the machine that you just saw. However, as you look away, you realize the pieces that they're taking look a little bit different from the pieces that were in the third image. A sun is carved into the top right corner, and two moons are carved into the top left.
Spurrier: Wow. Um… since, up until this point I've pretty much been drawing all of my stuff for school, can I do like, not a perfect drawing, but like, a rough sketch of all of this stuff just in my journal? Just to have like, kind of a reference point?
Kyle: Yeah, absolutely.
Spurrier: Okay. And also does any of the machinery match the plans that I have?
Kyle: Uh, you pull out your plans to do a comparison. And you notice, yes, there are some similar looking aspects between the two contraptions.
Spurrier: Oh, well–
Spurrier (as Randy): I think we're onto something.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): What are you talking about?
Spurrier (as Randy): The plans! Look.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Yeah, I don’t, I don’t– what?
Spurrier (as Randy): You saw these.
Spurrer: And I show them to you.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Yeah, cool plans. We need to get to that door. Let's go.
Spurrier (as Randy): Fine, fine.
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: I rolled a one! I mean what do you want me to do? [Everyone agrees]
Spurrier: No, that’s true.
Kyle: Yeah, yeah, you really don't get it at all. You're just standing there. They’re all looking around, and you're going like, “What the hell are we doing?”
Goodrich: Right.
Kyle: But um… So you're all looking over the carvings and Raz'ul you're not doing much of anything except for picking your nose, I guess. [Players laugh and someone mimics a “squeaky clean” sound] But everyone, give me a Perception Check again. [shrill, echo-y melody fades out]
[Multiple dice rolls]
Goodrich: What do you play if I roll a natural twenty, but then have to roll at disadvantage and don't get a natural twenty?
Kyle: [chuckles] Just laughter.
[SFX: A chorus sings a low-spirited “Aw Yeah” in descending notes]
Goodrich: Aw, so dissonant.
Kyle: So dissonant.
Goodrich: Okay, well I got a sixteen plus five, so twenty-one.
Ali: Mine’s a twelve.
Spurrier: Mine’s a twenty-two.
[slow breathy theme fades in]
Kyle: Uh, Yashee, what happens with you is you're looking at this with Randy and you think you see something in the corner of your eye, and you turn to look at it. Nothing's there. Raz'ul and Randy, you hear skittering on the wall above you. And you look up and you see a small mechanical-looking spider with a crystalline core in it. All of a sudden you hear a very familiar voice but it's hard to place a face with it. And you hear–
Kyle (as Disembodied Voice): I can't believe you've actually showed up. [breathy theme melts into a skittering, sinister theme] I'm always amazed with the foresight Deras Mur has bestowed her. She was right about this and Caleb. [scoffs] These walls are unbelievable, huh? I only wish I could see them operate. Eh, sometimes when you're trailing people you don't always get what you want.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): And if you try sometimes, [some others finish with him] you just might find.
Kyle (as Disembodied Voice): I’ve definitely gotten what I needed.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Um… Hi. Hello. Who are you?
Kyle (as Disembodied Voice): Oh you don't remember me?
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Probably not.
Kyle (as Disembodied Voice): Well, let me ask you this…
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Okay.
Kyle (as Disembodied Voice): You didn't happen to nick that portable hole from my workroom, did you?
Bards: [as if struck with understanding] Oh no! [groan]
Kyle (as Disembodied Voice): I’ll take that as a yes.
Ali (as Yashee): It’s (whispers) Wesley.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): (whispers) Wesley.
Spurrier (as Randy): (whispers) Wesley.
Kyle (as Wesley): That trash song. [Players laugh]
Ali: We start playing the trash song.
Goodrich: Oh, let’s do it!
[Goodrich (as Randy) starts singing “Silk Grove” to the tune of “Ep 2, Silk Grove” and the others join in; they quickly break down laughing]
Kyle (as Wesley): I'll tell you what – this will be easier if– we can talk for a moment on the other side, perhaps. I may not need you here anymore. So uh, good luck getting through that door.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Okay bye, Wesley.
Spurrier (as Randy): Bye!
Kyle: And the spider actually skitters off. And you see it find like, a small crack near the door and it skitters back and away. It’s gone.
Ali (as Yashee): Wait, is he the spider now?
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): No, I think that's probably some sort of extension of his, I don't know, capabilities? Probably?
Ali (as Yashee): Oh. That was weird.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Yeah. Well, so Wesley’s back. [Spurrier (as Randy) sighs] Yeah, pretty much!
Goodrich: Uh okay. We go up to the door?
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: Are you done all doodling?
Spurrier: Yeah, I got the rough idea. I had to look up so I see the stuff.
Goodrich: Yeah, yeah, okay.
Spurrier: Perfect.
Kyle: Yeah, you sketch that down, no problem. Um, yeah, and there’s large doors at the end of the hallway, and it bears the same circle carving that is in the picture on the left wall.
Goodrich: Hmm… I guess Investigation Check on this door?
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: You made it sound like it was gonna be kind of “scurry” (scary).
Goodrich: All these checks today. Woof.
[Multiple dice rolls]
Goodrich: Jeez.
Ali: Six.
Spurrier: Ten.
Goodrich: Four. [Ali giggles] I know!
Kyle: Mmkay. Randy uh, you get this. You're looking around –- it takes a little while before any of you notice anything and Randy is the first one to get it. It looks like there are tracks in the floor where the door slides and it slides one way or the other.
Ali: I’m gonna try to push the door on the track to the side.
Kyle: Okay, you just give it a, a regular push and it feels like there's a little bit of give to it but it's really difficult. Would you like to give me a Strength Check to see if you can push it?
Ali: Absolutely.
Kyle: Okay, please do so.
Ali: [rolls die] Ten.
Kyle: A ten, you're pushing on the door and it just does not seem like it's gonna budge. Pretty big doors, pretty hefty ones.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Hey guys? So I know the song, and it's called the Electric Slide. [Players giggle] And I was thinking maybe if we do a song, similar to that, move this door out of the way?
Ali (as Yashee): There was that little phrase when we first walked in–
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Oh yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): –that said uh, was it “Music…”?
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): “Music” something or other.
Spurrier (as Randy): “...moves more than the soul”, yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): Maybe it meant the door.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Probably.
Ali (as Yashee): Oh.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Song time, guys. Let’s do it! [Ali laughs and they fade out]
[Digital music transition]
Goodrich: Whew, that’s some D&D stuff right there!
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: All those dice rollings, and puzzles, and descriptions, and stuff. Dang Kyle! [Players agree]
Kyle: Real D&D.
Ali: Yeah!
Goodrich: Oh my gosh. Hopefully everyone's up on their music theory! [Ali laughs] Major or minor?
Spurrier: Oof.
Ali: I don't know.
Goodrich: I kinda wanna do minor.
Spurrier: Yeah that’s what I was leaning towards too.
Ali: We’re in the caves, it's creepy here.
Goodrich: Wesley’s apparently back. [Spurrier gasps and Goodrich gasps back]
Ali: Mmhmm.
Goodrich: Alright.
[Multiple dice rolls]
Goodrich: Uh oh, yours landed– oh!
Ali: Oh, nope, it worked out.
Goodrich: Nice! Okay so we got A minor, then A minor again, F, D minor, and G.
Spurrier: Sweet.
Ali: Not bad.
Kyle: Not bad.
Goodrich: Cool. Okay drums.
Ali: [flips coin] Okay that's tails. [Ali rolls a die as someone vocalizes the “Oo-oh” from the DuckTales theme song] And the pattern is sixteen, which is Techno-nine.
Goodrich: Alright, good.
Ali: [rolls dice] And the kit will be seventy-one! It's a room kit!
Goodrich: Room kit?
Ali: I don't know what that means.
Goodrich: We're in a room?
Ali: That works.
Goodrich: Okay, maybe it's just like a really echo-y kind of kit.
Spurrier: If only it was a door kit.
Goodrich: Oh man, that would be great. Kyle, we’d just automatically get in, right? [Ali laughs]
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Oh, okay, cool! [Players laugh]
Kyle: But it's not a door kit, it’s a room kit.
Goodrich: No.
Ali: I can change the name on this, I think.
Goodrich: Oh yeah.
Spurrier: Yeah, just do that.
Kyle: Yeah, no. Get to writing.
[Digital music transition]
[light and refreshing “Middle Bit” music fades in]
Kyle: Hey everyone, it's your dungeon Maestro Kyle here. Just want to thank you for joining us again. And uh, we're just going to get right into announcing our winners for the BardCast 2018 Hashtag submissions that we did. So uh, I've got the list of people who participated in that. And I'm going to go ahead and do my random number generator here to see who our winners are. First up we have number forty-six on the list is at, Eliza Betsy, seventy-seven (@ElizaBetsy77). Congratulations. Next on the list is gonna be number sixteen: at, closet, underscore, fangirl (@Closet_Fangirl). And last but certainly not least, number seven is going to: at, glasses person (@GlassesPerson). So at, Eliza Betsy, seventy-seven; at, closet, underscore, fangirl; at, glasses person, congratulations on winning that swag. We'll be contacting you soon to arrange getting that to you.
Kyle (continued): So now that we've covered the BardCast 2018, thank you for participating. All the stories were lovely to get to read and see how your year went and how you enjoyed the show. So we just appreciate your, your– the, the fanship out there so thanks for participating. Uh, other great news that we have coming down the pipeline is Lindby is going to be playing a show for the first time in a while. Uh, I'm excited to play a show because all I have to do is just stand on the side and play bass and nobody like, bothers me, so that's great. But uh, January twenty-fifth, we are going to be at Shipping & Receiving. So the doors will open at eight-thirty, the show's starting at nine o'clock. And we are going to be playing with three bands from here around Fort Worth. We'll be playing with Icarium, Mountain Kid, and Dead Vinyl. So uh, you know, check those other bands out, and if you can make it come on out. We're gonna have a good time. And uh, yeah! January twenty-fifth. Be there, and we'll have a good time.
Kyle (continued): Other than that, it's just uh, the normal rigamarole that I got for you. You know our website, BomBARDedCast, dot, com. You know where to find our music – BomBARDed, dot, bandcamp, dot, com. But uh… Have you told a friend about us? If you're enjoying the show, like – I mean, we're having a good time making it – so, if you're enjoying the show a lot, maybe tell a friend, we'd appreciate it. We appreciate everything that you do to help spread the word of the podcast. You've helped us grow so much and we look forward to this upcoming year. And uh, I just– let's get back to those bards writing their song. See how to get this door open. I guess this is the third time they've written a song about a door, so maybe the third time's a charm. I don't know. Let's find out. Talk to you later!
[“Middle Bit” music fades out]
[Digital music transition]
[Drums introduce the song with a digital piano joining soon after]
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Alright, this next one goes out to an old acquaintance of ours. Haven't seen him in a while, it’s good to see your face again, bud. And uh, we really hope you like it, alright? Here we go.
[Guitar joins in]
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Ooh, make it move, with our groove!
Ali (as Yashee): Ooh make it move, gotta prove with our groove, so move!
Bards: (harmonizing) Let it slide! To the side! It’s so wide.
Ali (as Yashee): Slide to the side, gonna glide, it’s so wide so slide!
Bards: Push that doo-or! With it’s lo-ore! ‘Cross the floo-or!
Ali (as Yashee): Door, with the lore , ‘cross the floor, gotta push that door!
Bards: Oh-whoa-oh! Whoa-oh! Whoa-oh! Oh-whoa-oh!
[Strong guitar chord plays before the bards finish the song with one final word]
Bards: (whispering) Wesley.
Ali (as Yashee): Hey Wesley! How’d you like that one? Better this time?
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): You might have noticed some similarities to uh, the first song we did for you. But we think we got a little bit better since we saw you last.
Kyle: Yeah, there's no answer from Wesley.
Goodrich: Oh! [Players laugh]
Ali: Oh, okay. Well how about the door though?
Kyle: Oh yeah, that I can tell you. [Players laugh] So Yashee– [an instrumental version of the song fades in] –you begin the beat, and your instruments’ glyphs are pulsing with the same, you know, magic energy that you've seen them pulse with before. Randy, you begin playing the six note figure that you found up top, and as soon as you complete the first pass through it, your instrument just beams open with light, and the magical essence begins to pour out of it in a forceful manner, just striking the walls. And it's like the magic is finding its way into the walls and filling it up, and also heading towards the door as well. Raz'ul, you come in and your instrument fills in as well, and the magic starts to pour out of it – as well as yours, Yashee, once everyone is in on it. But, all the magic seems to go out and it's covering the walls and filling the walls and covering the door and, you know, penetrating through cracks and spots in the door. And you begin to see the door open.
Goodrich: Yeah, we did it! [Players giggle]
Kyle: It’s opening so slowly, and you begin to hear mechanisms in the wall begin to turn and churn. And you see the light from your magic, light up symbols that you didn't see before on the walls around you.
Goodrich: Do they match the symbols on our instruments?
Kyle: They don't.
Goodrich: (surprised) Oh.
Kyle: They don't match the symbols on your instruments but they do look familiar. To the left, you notice a, a lot of the houses on the hills, they have specific symbols on them, most of them look like random instruments or tools or objects. The three houses on the hill, they bear their own mark though — one of the hammer, one of the lute, and one of the organ. [Players make intrigued noises] On the right side of the wall, you notice that the magic is almost making a moving picture, showing you the events of these images. And it's kind of, you know, pretty basic as far as everything goes. But one thing that stands out to you the most is in the fourth picture. You know how the angelic figures looked pale now, they weren't the same pearl color? Well, they are changing between being a pearl color and going to that kind of muted gray tone. [Players make noises of understanding] It's like they're losing that in the process of this image. The doors ahead of you begin to uh, follow your commands– [SFX: doors creaking and sliding open] –sliding and opening in the direction that you need them to. [Instrumental of “The Door of Dizz” fades out]
Goodrich: Finally.
Kyle: Yeah, you finally got a door to work for you.
Ali: Yes!
Goodrich: Woohoo.
Kyle: And it opens up and you see just dark. And then finally the doors, rest against the side of the hallway, and you hear a click. [SFX: hollow click] And you start to see like, light slowly filter on in this large room [shrill, echo-y theme returns] And large I mean like, it's huge, like three hundred feet from one end to the other.
Goodrich: Dang…
Kyle: Picture something similar to the trials from Breath of the Wild.
Goodrich: Oh nice.
Spurrier: Okay.
Kyle: Yeah, so it kind of has that essence to it. But you're standing uh, at the edge of this doorway before you hit the platform. And as you're standing there taking all this in, you notice that there are symbols that line the door jamb.
Goodrich: I’m gonna only do this once — are they little pictures of Splash?
Kyle: Nope. [Ali giggles]
Goodrich: Yeah, okay.
Kyle: No, but you do notice they are arcanic symbols lining this door jamb, like I said. And they start to light up. And once all of them light up, this cloudy, translucent film starts to generate in front of you,
Ali: Like in the doorfr– like–
Kyle: In the doorframe.
Ali: Okay.
Goodrich: Can we jump to the platform before it like…? ‘Cause the last thing we need is another door. [laughs]
Kyle: Oh no, it fills up before you have a chance. It is pretty quick-moving.
Goodrich: Okay. Gotcha.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Yashee, you wanna stick a drumstick in there? See if it’s okay to touch?
Ali (as Yashee): My, my hammer?
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Oh.
Ali (as Yashee): What if it’s weird? I’ll just stick my finger in it instead. [Players laugh]
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Instead? Okay.
Ali (as Yashee): My pinky. I don’t need much.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Alright.
Kyle: You stick your pinky in there and–
Ali: Just like, just a little tip.
Kyle: It goes, goes right through. [Players makes sounds of surprise]
Ali: Do I feel weird?
Kykle: Yeah, you feel like, a weird vibration sense. But it's not like, you know, it doesn't hurt you or anything, just, odd.
Ali: Okay. I'll stick– I’m gonna stick my arm in. The whole arm.
Kyle: Mmkay. Your arm goes through there, nothing really happens. It’s buzzing a little bit like your finger was but, yeah.
Ali: Okay, I’m gonna go all the way through.
Kyle: Okay, you go all the way through.
Ali: I'll stick my head back out and be like,
Ali (as Yashee): It’s fine, guys, c’mon! [Players (in character) make surprised noises]
Kyle: Okay.
Spurrier: I’ll mosey on in.
Goodrich: I go, go through.
Kyle: Alright, so you go on through and you're standing there, taking in the room, and then you see it across the way. [shrill, echo-y “Main Puzzle Room” theme fades out and is replaced with a skittering, more sinister tune] You see the large door on the other side of the room open up a little bit more. And from the ceiling you see that small mechanical spider drop to the ground and out steps, a familiar – although small and far off – looking figure. And uh, you see them pull back a hood, and it's Wesley standing there. He brings up his hand, and you see a glint of metal, as he does so to like, pull his hair back. And he reaches down and picks up a spider and it crawls up his arm and sits on his shoulder. And you just hear him–
Goodrich: I shout–
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Did you like our song?! [Ali laughs]
Kyle: You hear him as if he was right next to you.
Goodrich: (shuddering) Oh.
Kyle: You see him do some hand movements – it may look like he's casting a spell – but you hear him as if he's standing right next to you, he says–
Kyle (as Wesley): I didn't hear your song, and I wouldn't want to.
Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Aw.
Kyle (as Wesley): I want to thank you for taking your time getting here, ‘cause I may not even need you to be here at this point.
Kyle: And you see him holding up a book and he tucks it away. And we're going to end it there.
Goodrich: (laughing) Oh! [Spurrier sighs] Bye!
Ali: Well, bye.
[The sinister tune from OST vol. 1 “Ep 3, No, Wesley” fades to close out the episode]