Ep. 24 - Swords, Whispers, and Glamour
[Episode opens with the sound of the Petzold minuet discussed in Episode 22 being played using the “hey” sound effects. Players are laughing at various points, and Goodrich tries to sing along.]
Spurrier: And so on.
[Theme music plays]
Kyle: Hey everyone. Welcome back to BomBARDed. Let’s recap last episode real quick. It’s gonna be a quick one, because our bards started off by being – they were in their room and Symbol came by, told them “hey, you need to go talk to – go talk to Alola. Went down, talked to Alola. You got the skinny on a group that’s called the Tubular Phunk Karate.
Goodrich: Is it the Tubular Phunk Karate or Tubular-
Kyle: No, no. It’s just Tubular Phunk Karate. I misspoke.
Goodrich: They’d be pretty pissed about not getting it.
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Just kidding.
Kyle: No, no, no. Just Tubular Phunk Karate, Phunk with a Ph. So you heard about this group, and you didn’t – Alola didn’t want to tell you any more than that, just because there’s information that you have to be at a certain level, as far as being in bard college, to be privy to it. So – but she did mention that they could go ahead and put you in your colleges and get you assigned, because all the other upperclassmen had been already assigned and were out to their adventure. So really, she’s asking for a favor out of you three, and after a little bit of talking back and forth, you decided that, sure, why not, we can give you a helping hand. And Alola took you down to the basement to start the end of the Academicon. Of course, you’re skipping most of the Academicon proper and just getting to the meat of it, which is getting assigned to your colleges. You enter the same old dancehall that you’ve entered many times, snuck off to, and there was a nice little, almost seemed ceremonial in a sense as you walked through and were led to the door that, Yashee, you were turned away from, you know, in, like, what was it, Episode 5?
Goodrich: Something.
Spurrier: Around there, yeah.
Kyle: Around there, with the first time you were in the dance – in the club.
Spurrier: Yeah.
Kyle: You got turned away from the door.
Spurrier: Yep.
Kyle: The door was actually opened up to you, and led you into a room where you saw a statue, a large statue of Barenthall Strumlotts, and you were told this is where it begins. You entered into the room, and Barenthall greeted you and let you know, if you were going to be placed into your colleges, first you must solve this riddle through performance. Luckily, you were able to solve that riddle quite well.
Goodrich: Aww, yeah!
Kyle: I actually really enjoyed your song.
Goodrich: Splash. [Everyone laughs]
Kyle: Inside jokes.
Goodrich: You really enjoyed us. Every time we were just like, “Is this it, Kyle?”, he was like, "Gah, leave me alone!”
Kyle: Yeah, sure.
Goodrich: “Go away.”
Kyle: But it was after succeeding at this riddle that Barenthall took a moment to have a little bit of a one-on-one, all at the same time – as weird as that is – had a one-on-one with you to decide, you know, which college would you fit in best? And after, you know, chatting and getting to know you, you all landed in your own individual colleges: Yashee in the College of Swords-
Ali: Yeah.
Kyle: Randy, you’re in the College of Whispers-
Spurrier: Yes.
Kyle: And Raz’ul, you’re in the College of Glamour.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: We left off with you each meeting your teachers and them introducing themselves, so we’re gonna pick up there. And I think I’m gonna start with Yashee.
Ali: Okay.
Kyle: Let’s pick up there. Again, you’re in this craggy hellscape of a land. You have your two teachers, Counter and Point, standing in front of you, both of them wearing sleek, flashy, but demonic-looking jester’s outfits. They both look at you, then shoot a sideways glance at each other, and they bring their hands to their mouth and stifle a laugh.
Goodrich: Uh.
Ali: Rude.
Goodrich: I mean-
[Players laugh]
Kyle: Do you say this out loud?
Ali: Um – [players giggle] – no, I’ll go-
Ali (as Yashee): What’s so funny? What’s the joke? I love jokes.
Kyle: They reply:
Kyle (as Counter and Point): There is no joke, Yashee. We are excited to work with somebody of your build. You’re much larger than the people we normally work with; normally, people who come through the College of Swords are … more compact.
Kyle: And-
Ali: I – Yashee flexes a little. She’s very proud of her muscles.
Kyle: And they both – their eyes light up-
Ali: Uh-huh.
Kyle: -and you can see like a small flame in their eye.
Ali: I light up too.
Kyle: And they’re just like:
Kyle (as Counter and Point): So we have some things to take care of. First, Yashee, are you wanting to be a duelist – are you wanting to gain an edge of when using a single instrument of combat?
Kyle: They both draw their swords and begin fencing as they talk, but then draw a second sword and begin to battle fiercely with each other.
Kyle (as Counter and Point): Or perhaps you are a dual-wielder rather than a duelist. We can’t deny that two are better than one.
Kyle: -they look at each other and both smile-
Kyle (as Counter and Point): Well, what do you say?
Ali (as Yashee): Well, I do have my maul, and I use that occasionally, but I – I really prefer my hammer mallets.
Ali: And I take them out and I try to spin them and drop them.
[Other players giggle]
Ali (as Yashee): This is why I need your help.
Kyle (as Counter and Point): Hmm, okay. So you have mallets, not blades.
Ali (as Yashee): No.
Kyle (as Counter and Point): Okay.
Ali (as Yashee): I think I have like a –
Ali: [far from microphone] I have something.
Ali (as Yashee): Nope. I’ve got nothing here. You know, I dropped a knife once while I was, like, cutting some bread when I was a kid, and I don’t know. I can’t be around them anymore.
Goodrich: Ever since then.
Ali (as Yashee): I do like spoons though, so if you have any spoon tricks-
Kyle (as Counter and Point): No spoon tricks.
Ali (as Yashee): -I have plenty of-
Kyle (as Counter and Point): -but we can definitely work with your mallets. Uh, but one second.
Kyle: And they look bemused after looking at your hammers. They’ve just been staring at your hammers after you pulled them out. And they turn their backs to you and huddle up, and they start to whisper. They kinda look over their shoulder at you a little bit, and they turn back and their faces are both beaming. And one begins to speak separately, and you hear them say:
Kyle (as Counter/Point): Okay. So your hammers look marvelous. Quite nice, quite nice. I think we could do this. Yes, I think we could. We should. If she will let us, we can. We can, and she should. Hand us your mallets, please.
Ali (as Yashee): Uhhh … okay.
Kyle: Okay. So you hand your mallets over to them, and they take them, and they start pulling leather straps out of a bag that they have, and they are fixing those leather straps to the handle of your mallets. And these leather straps actually create loops at the end of your mallets. They hand them back to you, and they say:
Kyle (as Counter and Point): Okay. Prepare yourself for an amazing act, not yet crowd-tested, but it’s sure to exemplify our intent.
Kyle: They both draw two swords each, all swords having a leather loop hanging from their hilt, similar to what they did with your mallets. They place their hands through the loops and let the swords hang from their wrists. They begin to dance in an exotic maneuvers [sic] and manipulate the swords to start swinging around, and as they do, they move nimbly across the ground, the blades sometimes coming within an inch of hitting their wielders. Counter and point get in sync with each other, and they face you and begin to approach. What do you do?
Ali: Um, okay. Well, I’ll try to do what they’re doing with the swords with my hammers. So I’ll stick the, I guess, loops on my wrists?
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: I’m just gonna start swinging them in front.
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: I’m not very good at it yet.
Kyle Roll a performance check real quick.
Ali: Here I go. [Rolls dice] That is a seventeen plus five.
Kyle: Yeah. You’re able to deftly swing these hammer mallets around, despite it being your first time. You kind of watch them and see what they’re doing, and you’re mimicking that really well. And they’re actually – their smiles get bigger than you thought they would already be, but they’re just like-
Kyle (as Counter and Point): Yes! Excellent, Yashee! Okay. You’re getting that. So you’re gonna be learning three flourishes. Ready yourself, and pay attention to how we maneuver our weapons, as this will be the best and probably coolest way to utilize these maneuvers. Are you ready?
Ali (as Yashee): Yes.
Kyle: Counter begins speaking, and she says:
Kyle (as Counter): First, the defensive flourish. I will attack you using the defensive flourish, and Point is going to attack me from behind. Watch closely as I deflect his attack with the follow-through of my attack on you.
Kyle: And before you even realize it, Counter’s sword has lashed out and barely grazed you across the chest. And it comes back around, and you see Point go in for an attack behind Counter. And the sword swings around and actually hits Point’s sword out of the way.
Ali: Oh.
Kyle: Deflecting. He’s like:
Kyle (as Point): Okay. So as you can see, this maneuver allows you to up your defense, in a sense, by placing your weapons in places that assailants would not think they would be.
Ali (as Yashee): Well, that’s great. That happens all the time.
Kyle (as Counter/Point): Excellent. [Players laugh] Well, now, you try.
Ali (as Yashee): Oh. Alright.
Goodrich: Oh.
Kyle (as Counter/Point): You try.
Ali: My hammers. So on the hammers, is it just like – like how long is the strap? Like, can – is it just right in front of me, or can I kind of like throw the weapon and pull it back?
Kyle: You would be able to throw the weapon out and pull it back by the leather strap that it’s on.
Ali: Mhm.
Kyle: So yeah. We’ll say – there is a feature for weapons in the Player’s Handbook that’s called Reach, and it pretty much says you can reach a little bit further – I think it’s up to ten feet. But we’ll say that your mallets now have that ability.
Ali: Well, cool.
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali: Okay. So I roll two D20s now, like one for each hammer?
Kyle: Yeah, since you’re two-weapon fighting.
Ali: And then add them onto both and then do damage roll for both.
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali: Cool. Okay. So – [rolls dice] – first one was nineteen plus six, so-
Kyle: [giggles] Yes, that hits.
Ali: Okay. And the other is six plus six, twelve.
Kyle: That hits as well.
Ali: Okay. So now I roll for damage.
Kyle: Yeah.
[Dice roll]
Ali: Uh, one is a two plus three, so five; and one is a ten.
Kyle: Okay. So ten total. And roll your bardic inspiration dice to figure out how much damage you’re adding and how much you’re upping your AC.
Ali: Okay. Since this is training, do I have to use one of my inspiration die?
Kyle: No.
Ali: Okay.
Kyle: You’ll roll the inspiration dice, but you’re not using it officially.
Ali: Okay. So inspiration die – [rolls dice] – that is a six, ding ding!
Spurrier: Nice.
Kyle: Oh, nice. Alright. So-
Ali: So my AC will be eighteen for the, quote/unquote, next whatever.
Kyle: Yeah, absolutely. And when you do that, Counter is a little taken aback by the hit. That’s a pretty hard hit; you did twenty-one damage.
Ali: They’re used to working with little, what, feeble people, like they said before, you know.
Kyle: Yeah, exactly. So-
Ali: I caught them off guard.
Kyle: Yeah, your mallets go and they just batter into Counter, and Counter kinda like
Kyle (as Counter): Uh! [Coughs]
Ali: Like-
Ali (as Yashee): Oh, sorry. Sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you that hard, buddy.
Kyle (as Counter): [hoarse and struggling for air] It’s okay.
[Goodrich laughs]
Kyle: And Point comes in with an attack, but you’re swinging your mallet around, and let’s see. Point - [rolls dice] – does not do well. You swing your mallet around, and you’re able to see Point in the corner of your eye, just in your peripheral. And you swing your mallet around just in time, enough to just bat his blades away.
Ali: Yes. [Giggles]
Kyle: So – and Counter kind of recomposes herself and says:
Kyle (as Counter): [still gasping for air] Well, um, that was very different. Uh, uh, great job.
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, I like this.
Kyle (as Counter): Nicely done. Um-
Ali (as Yashee): This is gonna be great.
Kyle (as Counter): Um, Point, will you take this next one?
[Goodrich giggles]
Kyle: And Point chimes in and says:
Kyle (as Point): The next flourish is your slashing flourish, which is beneficial when multiple hostiles are in close combat with you. With this flourish, your follow-through will be intended for hitting a nearby target rather than protecting yourself, but it is the performance that you put into the attack that will determine if your secondary foe is caught off guard. This time, I will attack with Counter nearby to act as my secondary foe. Let me school you real quick.
Kyle: Point begins swinging their weapons again, and attacks in the same way that Counter did. And the weapon just comes so quickly and it barely grazes you, and follows through and actually hits Counter. And Counter winds up-
Kyle (as Counter): [still winded] Okay.
[Ali laughs]
Goodrich: Seriously.
Kyle (as Counter): This is a little much. But you’re – you’re understanding what we’re saying, right?
Kyle: And Point is just like-
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, I think I got it.
Kyle (as Point): Okay. Now you. Hit me and follow through to hit Counter.
Kyle (as Counter): No, no, no, the other way around, please.
Ali (as Yashee): I’ll try – I’ll try to pull back a little, okay?
Kyle (as Counter): No, that’s – that’s fine. Please, don’t – don’t hold back.
Ali: So rolling again. [Rolls two dice] Oh my, oh my gosh. Uh, I think it’s almost the same numbers from last time. So a twenty-five and a twelve.
Kyle: Yeah. Those both hit.
Ali: Mhm. I know.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: Okay. So you do your initial damage – who are you going to attack first? They both said, you know, “Attack me, then follow on to the other one. Attack me, then follow on to the other one.”
Ali: Oh man. Who do I want to be better friends with?
Goodrich: They’re both your friends.
Ali (as Yashee): Eenie meenie miney mo. [Guys laugh]
Ali: Who’s on the left? I don’t know.
Kyle: Uh, Point.
Ali: Alright, here we go.
Kyle: Alright. So your initial damage-
Ali (as Yashee): Sorry, buddy.
[Dice roll]
Kyle: Is going to Point.
Ali: Okay. And that is thirteen.
Kyle: Thirteen damage? Okay. Roll the bardic inspiration dice for the added attack, and that’ll be-
Ali (as Yashee): Oh, it’s a one this time.
Kyle: It’s a one? Okay.
Ali: Oh, I just did that as Yashee.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: [in a different voice] I can see what you’re rolling up there, Ali.
Ali: It’s a one, it’s a one. Here I am.
Kyle: Okay. So you deal a whopping blow to Point, and there’s just like a “poom poom”, and you hear a cronch.
Goodrich: Ohh.
Kyle: And Point is just like:
Kyle (as Point): [winded] Oh, dear God! Oh.
Kyle: And it transfers – you transfer past Point on to Counter, and just, you know, you lightly graze Counter, and Counter’s just like-
Kyle (as Counter): Oh, thank God. Don’t know if I could take another one like that, but – [winces] – you’re doing a great job, Yashee. [Goodrich chuckles] We couldn’t be prouder.
Kyle: And Point chimes in:
Kyle (as Point): [coughs] Yes, yes. [Ali laughs] Yes, you’re doing very well. You’re excelling faster than our other students. But we have one last flourish that we need to teach you, and that’s the mobile flourish. Uh, take heed behind you.
Ali: I start looking.
Ali (as Yashee): What, what?
Kyle: Yeah. You look behind you, and you notice you’re fairly close to the edge of a cliff.
Goodrich: That was our plan all along.
Kyle: And Counter actually chimes in on this last one, says:
Kyle (as Counter): Okay. So this flourish is gonna allow you to utilize hazards that are nearby when you’re in combat, like that ledge. Say you wanna kick someone towards that ledge, you can do so using this flourish. Let me at least show you real quick what I’m [straining] talking about.
Kyle: And Counter steps out and attacks at you, and again, barely grazes you – but it’s so fast, you don’t really have time to react – and after the attack, just hikes up a leg and gives you a 300 kick in the chest – [Players laugh] – and slides you right back to the edge of that ledge. You don’t need to make a balance check or anything-
Ali: Okay.
Kyle: -you’re just standing right there. And Counter steps up into your space and says:
Kyle (as Counter): Okay. Now save yourself. Hit me. Come on, hit me!
Ali (as Yashee): Okay. Well, guess if I don’t, I’m kinda dead, so-
Goodrich: We never saw Yashee again.
Ali: Yep. [Rolls dice]
Kyle: You hit. Alright.
Ali: It’s a nineteen and an eighteen. So, yeah.
Kyle: Yes, you hit.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Ali: Alright. [Rolls dice] Okay. Ooh, a one and a one, so that’s like eight total.
Kyle: Okay. And add your – [dice roll] – damage.
Ali: Okay, that’s a six.
Goodrich: Wow.
Kyle: So a fourteen.
Ali: Is there a ledge behind him or are we good?
[Goodrich laughs]
Kyle: No. But you do-
Ali: ‘Cause it’s the inspiration number plus five feet. So-
Kyle: Okay. Yeah, yeah. So you push them back-
Ali: So far.
Kyle: -eleven feet, and winds up sliding up. And another feature of that is that you can actually take a step forward – uh, I can’t remember how far it is. What does it say in the book?
Ali: Uh, within five feet, I can move to an unoccupied space.
Kyle: Okay. So you can move five feet forward, getting out of danger being near that ledge. So-
Ali: So I slip to the side.
Kyle: Yeah, slip to the side.
Ali: Whew.
Goodrich: You clap [claps], shimmy.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: Okay. So they kicked to knock you back; how would you knock them back. What would you do in this situation?
Ali: Hmm. Um, I’ll like swing, like wind up my mallets and chunk them at the same time, like right at their chest or something.
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: Aww.
Kyle: So yeah, the mallets go flying towards Counter’s chest, and just [crashing sound] hit them and knock them back the eleven feet that you knock them back.
Ali: Cool.
Goodrich: Do their ears drop like Wile E. Coyote? They’re holding a sign, “help! Help!”
Kyle: No, they’re just beaming. They are smiling, despite looking a little beat up, each of them. They say:
Kyle (as Counter and Point): You are going to do very well in the College of Swords, Yashe’rak. In fact, you might even do well enough to, uh, be an entertainer in our court [Goodrich snickers] if you ever found yourself on our side more often.
Ali (as Yashee): What do you mean “your side”?
Kyle (as Counter and Point): You know, on our plane.
Ali (as Yashee): Oh, okay.
Kyle (as Counter and Point): You have your plane.
Ali (as Yashee): What plane are you talking about?
Kyle (as Counter and Point): Oh.
Ali (as Yashee): Where are we right now?
Kyle (as Counter and Point): We are on the Fourth Plane of the Tritonusraum [Goodrich giggles], in the land of King Frith the Crimson. We call this place Trockenplatz.
Goodrich: No wonder your skills are so augmented here. [Players chuckle] Jeez.
Kyle (as Counter and Point): Perhaps you could join us in our king’s court and, uh, you yourself could act like a Blade like we do, where, if there are hosting foreign dignitaries, we don’t have to act like there’s guards around. We’re just the entertainment, quote/unquote.
Ali (as Yashee): That could be fun, maybe come have dinner or something.
[Goodrich giggles]
Kyle (as Counter and Point): Yeah, we have grand feasts, despite it not looking like we would.
Ali (as Yashee): Great. Man, I have been visiting some really weird places lately. This just tops it. I mean, wow. A whole kingdom.
Kyle (as Counter and Point): Where have you been?
Ali (as Yashee): I don’t even – what? Yeah, just like here and there. [Goodrich laughs] I went, like, to outer space recently. That was weird.
Goodrich: [laughing] Yeah.
Kyle (as Counter and Point): Hmm, outer … space.
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah. Like out – like out there.
Kyle (as Counter and Point): We don’t know what you’re talking about.
Ali (as Yashee): Maybe it’s like the fifth realm, I don’t know.
Kyle (as Counter and Point): No, that is Zauberwald. Um-
Ali (as Yashee): I don’t really understand realms.
Kyle (as Counter and Point): That’s okay.
Goodrich: I just go where they tell me. Going through the door; Yashee, you’ll be fine.
Kyle (as Counter and Point): We do know that you’re from the Second Plane, which is Göttinträne. That was created by Altonia after the murder of her son Renaut. You know Altonia, Goddess Creator, right?
Ali (as Yashee): I’ve heard of that one.
Kyle (as Counter/Point): Okay. Well, regardless, we all inhabit our own plane of what is called Tritonusraum, and, you know, it’s the realms created by Altonia. We call this one Trockenplatz; as you can see, it’s pretty dry, but we thrive here and it works well for us. So how are things on your plane?
Ali (as Yashee): I’ve been having a great time. I’ve made new friends this year, and got a sandatee.
Kyle (as Counter/Point): We do not know what these things are.
Ali (as Yashee): Oh, well.
Ali: I pull out my pictures from my wallet.
Ali (as Yashee): Look at this one.
Ali: Flip ‘em open.
Ali (as Yashee): There’s Sandy. She’s just so cute, and she’s sleeping right there. And here’s another one of her when we were riding together.
Kyle (as Counter/Point): Well, that sounds sick. So you ride sandatees like we ride unicycles. Cool!
Kyle: And at this point, you hear a large bellowing [deep horn sound in background] come over the land; it’s almost unintelligible. And you see both of them kind of, like, shudder a little bit, like “uh.” And then they say:
Kyle (as Counter and Point): Well, that sounds like our time. We are being summoned back to our court. Yashe’rak Bordun, it was a pleasure to get to meet you and teach you, and we look forward to your next lesson.
Kyle: And there’s another quick attack and a kick, and you get kicked right off that ledge.
[Players laugh]
Ali: I go off the ledge?
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali: I’m hanging off. I’m like:
Ali (as Yashee): Thaaanks!
Kyle: No. You get kicked off backwards, and you’re just falling-
Ali: Alright. Oh, I see.
Kyle: And we are gonna end with you.
Ali: Then I’ll go:
Ali (as Yashee): Thanks, guys! This was fun!
Ali: I try to play Featherfall, it just doesn’t work at all. My hammers are like flying on the leather straps.
Ali (as Yashee): No, dang! I wanted to- no!
Goodrich (in a Yashee voice): I need them for Featherfall!
Kyle: They look over the edge, and they both wave.
Goodrich: Aww.
[Ali laughs]
Kyle: And we’ll stop there with Yashee. Let’s go on to Randy.
Spurrier: Oh boy.
Kyle: So out from the blackness, this shadowed figure takes form and actually walks up to you, and you see a large smile on its face, a wide, toothy grin. It gets closer to you, and once you are, you know, a little bit closer, you notice that there’s actually a grayish, fuzzed outline to this figure. And you can gather from that, you can tell, that this being, whatever it may be, is at least humanoid in shape. It’s bald, no clothing that you can gather. But you can see them wave their hands to clear the shadow of the room that you’re standing in, and the shadow kind of disperses, revealing a darkened landscape that is barely lit by an eclipsed sun. You notice the ground seems to be shifting and flowing, but you can’t really pin down what’s going on. It stands there in front of you and says:
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Okay, Randy. So, we have a lot to learn today, and you’re going to learn it. Are you ready?
Spurrier (as Randy): Pp, I think I am.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Yes, I like this name, Pp.
Spurrier (as Randy): Ah, phew. I was worried.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Where does this name come from?
Spurrier (as Randy): [hesitantly] Well, it’s an abbreviation of your name.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Oh, I like abbrev – that’s great.
Spurrier (as Randy): It makes things faster.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Yeah, absolutely. Well, then PP it is.
Spurrier (as Randy): Ah, good.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): But Randy, tell me, have you ever used your words to damage someone’s psyche, either through song or spoken? You know, just really beaten someone down mentally?
Spurrier (as Randy): It sounds wonderful, but I don’t think I have.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Hmm, okay. That’s fine. We are going to figure out how to do that for you. We want to impart these techniques so that when you attack with your daggers – which, please, bring your daggers out-
Spurrier: [softly] Schwing.
[Players laugh]
Kyle (as Pianissimo): When you attack, you will want to be thinking of an insult, and you will channel them through your daggers. Think it in your mind, let it flow from there. Say it out loud if you would like, however you want to go about it, but make sure that you feel that flowing from your inner self, through your instruments, into the person when you hit them. Now, let me – let me show you here, real quick.
Kyle: PP turns and faces Randy, and you see them clap and rub their hands together, and there’s a small flash of light. And you see them spread their hands apart, and their hands have been transformed into dagger-sized blades.
Spurrier: Hmm.
Kyle: They say:
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Okay, Randy. Come and hit me, once, if you can.
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay.
Kyle: And you’re starting to attack, and you hear a voice in the back of your head say:
Kyle (as Eddie): Oooh, let’s give it to this sucker! C’mon, Randy! Snuff the dagger stuff, let’s hit ‘em with something big! I know exactly what’ll chafe that hide.
Goodrich: Ugh.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, okay.
Kyle (as Eddie): C’mon, I got – I got something for ya. I got a new one for ya.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, well-
Kyle (as Eddie): You wanna learn a new one? I can be a teacher too. C’mon, Randy.
Spurrier (as Randy): I mean, you made me a Zil, so-
Kyle (as Eddie): Mmhmm.
Spurrier (as Randy): -I’m not opposed.
Kyle (as Eddie): How’s that undead servant treating you?
Spurrier (as Randy): He’s fine. He’s living in a barn with a sandatee and just keeping to himself.
Kyle (as Eddie): Oh, good. Good, that’s all they need. They don’t need anything. That’s why – it’s the beauty of the undead, Randy.
Spurrier (as Randy): He seems content, yes.
Kyle (as Eddie): Good, good. So stop that dagger stuff. C’mon.
Kyle: Go ahead and give me a wisdom saving throw.
Spurrier: Oh boy.
Goodrich: Oh boy. Your favorite!
[Dice roll]
Spurrier: That is a seven plus one.
Kyle: No dice!
Spurrier: Isn’t that always the case with good ol’ Eddie?
[Kyle and Goodrich snicker]
Kyle: So, uh, we have a spell lined up for you, and I’m gonna go ahead and use it. I know we’ve talked about spells coming up, since we’re doing a level-up bit.
Spurrier: Uh-huh.
Kyle: And this is gonna be you learning Vampiric Touch.
Spurrier: Oh, okay.
Kyle: So go ahead and give me the casting for Vampiric Touch.
[Dice roll]
Spurrier: That is a fourteen plus three.
Kyle: Okay. That is going to hit, as PP is kinda just standing there, waiting for your attack.
Goodrich: Jeez.
Spurrier: Oh, good.
Kyle: So you hit. So go ahead and roll the damage for your Vampiric Touch.
Spurrier: So that is a 3D6, so if people wanna join in with me on that.
Ali: Sure.
[Kyle giggles; multiple dice rolls]
Spurrier: I got a two.
Goodrich: I got a two.
Ali: I got a two.
[Players make sounds of amazement]
Goodrich: Randy’s gonna get in trouble!
Kyle: So yeah, you do a Vampiric Touch, and you summon Eddie out of your belly to give that little bit of essence to it.
Spurrier: Mhm.
Kyle: And I’m – [players snicker] – how do you imagine this spell actually going down? Do you touch – do you touch PP or does – [players laugh] – or does-
Goodrich: Which of you touch Pp?
Spurrier: I’d like Eddie to, and I want him, whenever he casts this, to have some sweet fangs grow out. So we’ll really just have his fangs come in contact with Pp.
Kyle: Okay, so that’s the touch. So fangs on the Pp.
Spurrier: Fangs on the Pp.
Kyle: And you hear PP go – just looks down and kind of swats the Eddie essence away, and it disperses and travels back into you. And PP goes:
Kyle (as Pianissimo): This is not what I had you do. This is not anything I was going to have you do.
Spurrier (as Randy): Can I try again? That was an accident.
[Goodrich laughs]
Kyle (as Pianissimo): I would prefer you do it.
Goodrich: [laughing] A PP accident.
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): There is no – there is no room for failure here, Randy. And I don’t know if you realize this, but you will do this or you will stay here until you can.
Goodrich: Oh jeez.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh. So as long as I can try again-
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Do you understand?
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah. If I can try again, that’d be totally great.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Yes. What is – what-
Spurrier (as Randy): Have you ever had a student who has a wizard living in their belly come through your realm?
Kyle (as Pianissimo): [slowly] No.
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay, that would kind of explain it. Let’s just try again, if that’s cool.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Okay.
Spurrier (as Randy): Alright. This time, for real.
[Dice roll]
Spurrier: That is a four plus six.
[Goodrich laughs]
Kyle: Four plus six? That hits.
Spurrier: Oh, phew.
Goodrich: Wow.
Kyle: Okay. So what are the words that you’re going to infuse? What’s the inner insulting mantra that you’re conveying with this psychic attack?
Spurrier: To insult Pp?
Kyle: Yeah. 'Cause your attack, what it does is, you do normal dagger damage, and then you’ll also add a psychic attack on top of it.
Spurrier: Right. Okay.
Goodrich: Uhh.
Spurrier: So am I thinking this thing, since it’s psychic? I’ll think it and-
Kyle: Yeah, you can think it. And, again, you know, remember PP was saying “let it flow through your daggers into”-
Spurrier: Okay, cool. So I’m just gonna think, uh-
Spurrier (as Randy): Pp, you know what that means, right? You’re just a big pile of piss!
[Ali laughs]
Spurrier: And I send it out at him.
Kyle: And, uh, yeah. So go ahead and roll your damage for the attacks there.
Spurrier: Okay. So, uh, if someone wants to give me an additional D6, please?
Goodrich: I got it.
Spurrier: Thank you.
[Dice roll]
Goodrich: Six!
Spurrier: Nice. [Dice roll] Plus four plus one plus three. So that’s fourteen.
Kyle: Okay. Your daggers make contact and you’re imagining this mantra, and you can feel kinda – it’s almost like a weird negative energy that travels through your arms into your daggers. And you see them just kind of, like, pulse a little bit as they enter the essence of Pp. And – I’m sorry, I’m just gonna call him PP the entire time now.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Spurrier: I think that’s fine. Yeah.
Goodrich: But we all know it means Pianissimo. It’s fine.
Kyle: Yeah, exactly.
Goodrich: Regardless of what Randy thinks. Jeez!
Kyle: So – and-
Spurrier: Randy doesn’t even know what a P is.
[Ali laughs]
Goodrich: Yeah. As far as, like, musical notation and stuff in Beetzart, like, is that all the same? Like, you know, with dynamic markings like pianissimo and stuff?
Kyle: Yeah. Yeah, I’m not – [laughs] – I’m not gonna go through, oh, it took like six hundred years to develop a musical notation system. No, I’m not doing that.
Goodrich: So if we see a crescendo, it means crescendo, not, I don’t know.
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: Not greater than or less than.
Goodrich: Right. Well-
Ali: If math is the same.
[Overlapping conversation]
Kyle: I’m not gonna get into that.
Spurrier: It’s getting’ deep.
Goodrich: It’s just like Randy’s daggers. Back to the story.
Ali: Ohh!
Kyle: At this point, you stab in, and PP goes:
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Good, good. You could even infuse it a little bit further or better like this.
Kyle: -and attacks back at you.
Spurrier: Oh no.
Kyle: But there’s this thing that’s happened in the past where, when you’ve received psychic damage, something lights up about you.
Spurrier: Oh, yeah.
Kyle: And while you do get attacked normally, you feel that same pulse. And it’s – it’s a little different than what you felt with Squid, but still it – so it doesn’t feel quite the same. It does hurt a little bit. And, uh, at this point, PP kinda recoils and is like:
Kyle (as Pianissimo): What is this resistance you have?
Spurrier (as Randy): Again, don’t fully – I’m gonna either blame it on my sweet ink on my back or the wizard in my tummy or the crack in my back, maybe a combination of all three. Do you want to touch the crack in my back?
Kyle (as Pianissimo): No.
Spurrier (as Randy): I don’t know if that’s your thing. Okay.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): No.
Spurrier (as Randy): I’m gonna say it’s one of those three things, is why this is happening.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Okay.
Spurrier (as Randy): Hopefully that’s okay. That’s not a failure point, is it?
Kyle (as Pianissimo): No.
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay, phew.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Um, your attack, I felt the insult. What is piss?
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, yeah. Do you guys have that in this realm?
Kyle (as Pianissimo): [slowly] No.
Goodrich: Doesn’t know what it is.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, well, I mean – okay. You guys don’t have to – do you guys eat here? Or drink?
Kyle (as Pianissimo): No.
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay. Then we’ll just leave it at that. It would be so insulting back home, you don’t even know.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Alright.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, take my word for it. I haven’t done insults in different realms. I hope that’s alright.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): That’s okay.
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay. Phew.
[Players laugh]
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Uh, that was successful.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh good.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): As expected.
Spurrier (as Randy): And Pp, one question: does it have to be my daggers? I have other weapons; is this applicable to those, too?
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Yes.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): This is an ability you can carry over from weapon to weapon.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, great!
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Um, let’s move on to lesson number two.
Kyle: And PP grabs out into the air, and you see everything start to fold at where they’re grabbing. And PP spreads their hands like they’re opening a curtain, and a curtain actually opens in a sense. And through the curtain you can see a fairly nice hallway, and in this hallway there is a door, a couple of plants, a bench, and by this door, there’s a guard standing there. PP slips through the curtain and melds into a nearby shadow, and Randy, you see PP emerge from the shadow as a small child. The child approaches the guard and begins to talk to them. You can hear PP clearly speaking, fairly innocuously, and as time goes on, you notice that there is an underlying tone that makes you a little uneasy.
Spurrier: Mhm.
Kyle: Kind of is like “ugh, that doesn’t seem good, but it doesn’t sound bad.” And after a little bit of time, you see this faint essence of shadow coming from Pp’s mouth, and this drifts into the guard’s – [Goodrich snickers] – I know. It’s gonna be great, every time.
Goodrich: Oh my gosh!
[Players laugh]
Kyle: I was writing this recently, I was just like “ah, there’s so much.”
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: But you see this essence drift from their mouth into the guard’s ear, and at this moment, the guard begins to look frightened. And they look left, they look right, as if to try to find someone, but then they begin to hastily shuffle away from their post in fear. PP shifts out of their disguise and steps back through the curtain and closes it, and then takes a bow.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): See, the lesson with these words that you speak to them is not that – it’s not what you say, but how you say it.
Spurrier (as Randy): Hmmm.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Do you understand?
Spurrier (as Randy): I think so.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Okay. You can make people fear you, or you can make people fear someone else, whichever you prefer. Now it’ll be your turn to attempt this on someone. So, let’s see here.
Kyle: And you see them hold – like, it looks like they’re holding a book, and they’re flipping through these dark pages, and say-
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Ah, yes. Okay.
Kyle: They close the book, and they grab the folds of reality again like a curtain, and they open it up. And you see a really nice washroom. It’s like fairly well-decorated: white floors, mirrors, nice countertops. And there’s a person that is working in there, and they’re – you know, people have come in and come out, and they have, you know, offered them soaps, offer to dry their hands and everything. Very upscale kind of washroom.
Spurrier (as Randy): Mhm.
Kyle: And PP says:
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Go scare this attendant from their place and make them leave their job for a minute. It’s good, troublesome fun for them. Nothing harmful overall. Should be fine.
Spurrier (as Randy): So it doesn’t matter what I say, like you said, just how I say it?
Kyle (as Pianissimo): It’s how you say it, yes.
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay. So I’m supposed to sound scary?
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Uh, - [Goodrich chuckles] – Yeah. I mean, you know, you could say something along the lines of “oh, I’ve heard you have a very nice family. It’s been – it would be terrible if something were to happen, like their house collapsing while they were at home and you were at work.” Those kind of things are-
Spurrier (as Randy): So what I say can also be of assistance?
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Yes.
Spurrier: Okay, good.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Yeah, you can make it work towards your benefit. Of course, it doesn’t come off as hostile.
Spurrier (as Randy): Right. Okay, okay.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): But it, you know, stirs them up.
Spurrier (as Randy): Alright.
Spurrier: Well, I pass on through the planes of reality, through these sweet curtains.
Kyle: Okay.
Spurrier: And I walk up to this person, say:
Spurrier (as Randy): Uh, morning.
Kyle (as attendant): Oh, hello, sir. How can I help you today?
Spurrier (as Randy): Do you ever just stop and think about it all?
Goodrich: [Laughs] What’s it all about?
Kyle (as attendant): Think about what?
Spurrier (as Randy): Why you’re here, in this washroom, day in, day out – [Goodrich laughs] – handing soaps. Do you ever think it would amount to more? [Goodrich chuckles again] Do you ever think there was a deeper meaning? Do you ever think we were being controlled by robots, harvesting us for energy? Creating a simulation from which we’ll never escape.
Kyle (as attendant): Oh God. What?
Spurrier: And I go on in this fashion for a little while.
Kyle: This person is kind of looking at you with terror in their eyes, just like-
Kyle (as attendant): I don’t even know what a robot is. What’s – where – where do they come from? Wait, how do I avoid them?
Spurrier (as Randy): Your first step will be leaving this post and-
Kyle (as attendant): [frightened] Are they here?
Spurrier (as Randy): They’re going to be, really soon.
Kyle (as attendant): [gasps] Crap!
Kyle: And they just drop the platter that they’re holding, they’re like:
Kyle (as attendant): [flusters] I don’t care anymore! I’m out! No!
Kyle: And they run out of the room, yelling about robots.
Spurrier (as Randy): Don’t forget to question your existence.
Goodrich: Byyye.
[Ali giggles]
Kyle (as attendant): It’s like nothing is real, everything’s a simulation.
Spurrier (as Randy): Sounds about right. Goodbye.
Kyle: And-
Goodrich: Buy gold!
Kyle (as attendant): Buy gold!
Kyle: And the curtain is still standing open for you, but for some reason, this person did not seem to notice it at all. And you see through the curtain, you see PP just standing there, nodding, and a big, big toothy grin, just like-
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Yes!
Spurrier: So I pop back out and say:
Spurrier (as Randy) Pp, this is – oh, it’s the best. Thank you.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Isn’t it great?
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, it’s so good.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Now, you must know, Randy, these secrets are not to be shared with those outside of your college.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, that’s fine. Yeah.
[Players chuckle]
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Do not teach others our method.
Spurrier (as Randy): No, no, no, no, no.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): If you do, I will hear about it.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, I’m sure. The whispers and all that. So-
Kyle (as Pianissimo): You’re smarter than you look, Randy.
Spurrier (as Randy): Thank you.
Ali: [Laughing] Oh!
[Players laugh]
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Well, to finally inoculate you into our college-
Goodrich: Oh jeez.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): -come here.
Kyle: And you see them just conjure a bowl, an opaque bowl. And you see this material inside – and it’s black and shadowy, of course – but it’s shifting between being a liquid, a solid, and a gas. PP holds the bowl up to you and says:
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Breathe deep of the gas, be inoculated, and welcome into our college.
Spurrier: I stick my entire face in.
[Ali chuckles]
Kyle: You stick your face in, breathe deep, and you fall backwards, and your vision’s starting to go fuzzy. And you see PP standing over you and says:
Kyle (as Pianissimo): It will be good to see you again, Randy.
Spurrier (as Randy): [weakly] Bye.
Kyle (as Pianissimo): Sweet dreams.
Kyle: And your vision fades.
Spurrier: Man, okay.
Goodrich: Man, Randy attacking people with the existential terror of the void. Holy crap!
[Players laugh]
Kyle: That was great.
Spurrier: Oh, thank you. I can’t wait to talk to Garreth.
[Players laugh again]
Kyle: Just one-on-one. Just one-on-one. Give me that time. Okay! So, Raz’ul.
Goodrich: [with a deep voice] Yes?
[Ali snickers]
Kyle: Okay. You are standing in a wooded glen that is decorated with magic blips of light that come in and out of existence. The smell is the freshest forest you’ve probably ever smelled, being a druid. [Goodrich takes a long sniff and sighs with pleasure] And there’s a hint of sweetness that lines the air.
Goodrich: That’s Splash.
Kyle: Yeah. [Players laugh] That scent, right? You almost didn’t notice it, but you hear a subtle chime that permeates the background; it rings with a clarity unlike anything you’ve heard before.
Goodrich: Hmm.
Kyle: So as you’re taking all this in, Phil begins to walk around you, eying you up and down.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, hey.
Kyle: He turns to Symbol after a couple of passes and says:
Kyle (as Phil Harmonic): Yeah, I can see what you were saying, and why you would think he’d be a good fit. Not much on the surface, but ah, there’s something in those bones that is aching to come out, and that makes none of that matter. I can feel it. Alright, kid. Follow me over here.
Goodrich: Cool. And first I, like, go over to Splash and I’m like,
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Dude, how did you get in here? How did you know I was gonna be in Glamour? Does Alola know you’re here? Like, how old are you? How old is Phil? Also, I don’t think Randy knows how to read, but-
Kyle: Phil responds, says:
Kyle (as Phil): Uh, I’m running about 291. I’m around 291, and I’ll tell ya, Symbol’s been around a lot longer than I have.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What the heck, dude! You have to tell me everything!
Kyle: Symbol is just like:
Kyle (as Symbol): Phil, no.
Goodrich: Okay, I’m like processing all this. Just like:
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): But how – what – how did he get here, Phil? I don’t-
Kyle (as Symbol): I mean, I just – I had the doorman open the door to this realm.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): The concierge.
Kyle (as Symbol): Yes.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh.
Kyle (as Symbol): I can come here. This is … this is like a second home to me.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Whoa!
Kyle (as Symbol): Considering…
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, where are we? What the heck?
Kyle: Phil chimes in, says:
Kyle (as Phil): We’re in the fifth realm of Tritonusraum. We’re in Zauberwald.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, that – whoa, I never heard of that.
Kyle (as Phil): So anyway, yeah. Come on over here to this basin.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah!
Goodrich: Sorry, I started talking like Phil. I’m already starting to imitate Phil. [With a raspier voice] Yeah, let’s do this!
Kyle (as Phil?): It’s okay. It’s pretty good, huh?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Kyle (as Phil): You like this?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, that’s good. Uh, yep. So let’s go.
Kyle (as Phil): Okay. So bards of Glamour, you become one with the Fae. We use that link to the Fae and bring awe to crowds and inspire those that you’re in combat with.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right.
Kyle (as Phil): The lead onstage and support offstage sort of thing. You get me?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kyle (as Phil): Okay. Now, uh-
Kyle: Phil whistles real loud, and out of the edge of the nearby woods emerge a group of faeries. And Goodrich, does Raz’ul speak Fae at all?
Goodrich: No.
Kyle: I didn’t think so. Just making sure. Uh, they come over to Phil and Symbol, and they all begin to speak in a language you haven’t heard before. It looks like an interaction between old friends, and there – it looks like there’s a quick catch-up. But then, Phil looks like he’s explaining something to them and gesturing to you. The faeries all turn toward you and then begin to fly overhead in a circle. Phil looks at you, says:
Kyle (as Phil): Okay. They’re gonna give you good dousing of Fae dust. Stand still. You ready?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay. Uhhh…
Kyle: Okay. You see the faeries begin to chant while they’re sprinkling and dancing in a circle. Vibrantly colored dust is being dropped from their hands as they’re pulling it out of a bag that’s on their side. The dust lands on you, and where it lands, you notice that it causes your skin and clothes to glow. The glow disappears shortly after contact, but you feel a warmth inside you, and the colors of the forest begin to intensify. And suddenly, you begin to understand what the faeries are chanting. And, uh-
Goodrich: Can I speak Fae now?
[Pause; Ali giggles]
Kyle: Yes.
Goodrich: Dooooooh. Nailed it! Writing that down. Okay.
Kyle: So you begin to hear what they’re chanting. And Spurrier, will you give me that “oom-pah” thing that I showed you earlier?
Spurrier: Oh, yeah.
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: Jeez.
Spurrier: Here we go.
[Piano starts playing, Goodrich giggles]
Kyle (as faeries): [singing] The Faewild song is in our heart, it’s knowledge and magic that it imparts, we grant you this to enrapture the masses, to inspire your friends, and save your [pause] butts.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: So that’s what you hear the faeries chanting as they’re dousing you with this magical dust.
Goodrich: I’m like dancing a little bit. I’m just, like, move my shoulders, like “Okay, this is something. Alright.”
Kyle: Alright. So the faeries fly off after dusting you-
Goodrich (as Ra’zul): Bye.
Kyle: –and you hear them, you know, laughing, and they wave bye.
Goodrich: And I say “bye” in Fae, which is “bye.”
Kyle: Yeah, they say “bye” in Fae back.
Goodrich: Sweet.
Kyle: And Symbol and Phil are kinda looking, and Phil’s like:
Kyle (as Phil): Okay, good. So you can speak Fae, obviously. You’ve nailed that down.
Goodrich: I say “yes” in Fae.
Kyle (as Phil): Yes.
Goodrich: Yeah!
Kyle (as Phil): Yes. But what you need to – what you need to be able to do now is – you know what I was saying earlier: there’s something in those bones of yours. You need to get that out of your bones and up through your – outside.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Face hole?
Kyle (as Phil): Yeah, get it – get the inside out.
Goodrich: What gesture are you making?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Laughs] Bleurgh. Alright, yeah, that’s good.
Kyle (as Phil): Yeah, you just – you know. Okay, I guess it’s better to show it. Symbol.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yes.
Kyle (as Phil): Symbol, please, go ahead and display the Mantle of Inspiration that you have been bequeathed.
Kyle: And Symbol goes:
Kyle (as Symbol): Okay. Um-
Goodrich: Oh my gosh, I’m so excited!
Ali: I’m very excited too.
Goodrich: Oh!
Kyle: And you see Symbol just kind of like strikes a pose, and there’s-
Goodrich: I’m blown backwards. I just fall over. [Players laugh] My eyes are burning.
Kyle: You strike a pose, there is a gust of wind. Dust comes up from around his feet, and he looks down at the ground, then looks up at you with a glance, and just has, like, a smirk on his face like nothing you’ve ever seen.
Goodrich: I have a teacher crush on Symbol now, immediately. I’m just like [wistful sigh].
Kyle: And you notice locks of Symbol’s hair have, like, turned almost rainbowy-glittery in a way. He kind of twirls his finger around one of them and says:
Kyle (as Symbol): Okay, my friend. You are going to be needing this extra health. Please take it, and take my courage with you.
Kyle: And he gives you a wink.
Goodrich: I’m blown back even further.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: And-
Goodrich: I’m laying backwards. Oh jeez!
Kyle: For right now, you have fifteen temporary hit points.
Goodrich: Daaaang!
Kyle: -that you can add to your box, so go ahead and mark those down. They will last – oh man. They last until they’re gone.
Goodrich: Really?
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali: Nice.
Goodrich: That’s aw – and I can start doing that now. Oh yeah!
Kyle: Yeah, you – that’s a – you know. And Symbol says:
Kyle: Yes, you feel that extra health. You feel that extra health? You can give that to Randy and Yashee. You can provide them a little bit of extra buffer if you get into a more dire situation.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Whoa.
Kyle (as Symbol): This is why I was glad to feel that you were gonna choose Glamour. I just – again, I – I sensed something. Phil got me on that, backed me up, that there was something there, and I had a feeling we’d be seeing each other here.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Whoa, that’s crazy. How – so, is there some sort of, like, crazy door? Because you were, like, in that room, and then you’re here. How, and what? I’m still – this is all happening so fast.
Kyle (as Symbol): It’s okay.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What the heck?
Kyle (as Symbol): It’s the magic of Strumlotts. It’s – you know, that door is a portal of sorts that is changed and used as they and we see fit and need.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right.
Kyle (as Symbol): Um-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Does Alola know you’re here?
Kyle (as Symbol): Yes.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, phew. Oh jeez.
Kyle (as Symbol): Yes, she knows I’m here. So, uh – but this is not why we’re here. We’re here so you can learn these things about the College of Glamour. So, Raz’ul, you need to find, deep down inside-
Kyle: And Phil says:
Kyle (as Phil): Eheheheh, Symbol.
Goodrich: Right.
Kyle (as Phil): Why don’t you take a back seat for a moment and, you know. I know you’re older than me, but you’re forgetting who’s supposed to be the teacher here right now.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Kyle: And Symbol just says “ahh.”
[Players laugh]
Goodrich: He makes that face.
Kyle (as Symbol): You’re right. You’re right, Phil.
Goodrich: Ew.
Kyle (as Symbol): Sorry.
Kyle: And Symbol goes, and you see the rainbow kind of fade from his hair and everything like that.
Goodrich: Aww.
Kyle: You still have your temporary hit points, if you’re wondering.
Goodrich: Yup.
Kyle: But he sits down and kind of reaches from behind the log that they’re sitting on and pulls up a little snack pack – [Goodrich laughs] – and busts it out and starts going to town on it.
Goodrich: More pudding, right?
Kyle: Yep. And Phil says:
Kyle (as Phil): Okay. So, you know, symbol showed you what’s up. You feel it deep inside you. It’s gonna be in your core.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Kyle (as Phil): You gotta – you really gotta pull out the inner – insides of you. You know, not literally, but figuratively. Because if you pulled out the insides of you, you’d probably die.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right.
Kyle (as Phil): I – I mean-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No. You know, you’re right.
Kyle (as Phil): Depending on where you’re from.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah. No, right. Yeah.
Kyle (as Phil): So, uh, how about – take a moment. Think about it.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay. Alright.
Kyle (as Phil): And when you feel like you have a grip on your insides, a real nice hard grip, you just pull ‘em out of you.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright, alright.
[Ali laughs]
Kyle (as Phil): Pull ‘em on out.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright.
Goodrich: And I’m getting all [groans with exertion] – [fart sound] – no. [Everyone laughs] No, no. I say:
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [groans with exertion]
Goodrich: And then I do it just like Symbol did, like Bluesteel, like [relieved sigh].
Kyle: Yeah. And a wave of energy comes back, and you see Phil’s beard and leg hairs just kinda rustle in the wind – [Goodrich laughs] – along with some of the overgrown foliage nearby.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: And any other difference to your look? How would you like to look when, you know, it’s-
Goodrich: Yeah. When I was reading, I was kinda like, Man, I kinda wanna go like Ziggy Stardust-era Bowie.
Spurrier: Mhm, yes.
Goodrich: Like, just real, just like, boom! There it is.
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: No questions. That’s just – that’s happening.
Kyle: It’s like instant makeup and everything like that?
Goodrich: Yes. Yeah. And I’m, like, totally just Spiders from Mars, like, let’s do this.
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Yeah. Just glam it out.
Kyle: You totally have that appearance, and Phil is just looking like-
Kyle (as Phil): Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that’s what I was smelling.
Goodrich: And I say:
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [with Bowie accent] Yeah, it’s pretty freaky, man.
[Players laugh]
Kyle (as Phil): Yeah, it is. It’s a good feeling though, isn’t it?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul)” Yeah.
Kyle (as Phil): You feel like you have – the weight of your world is on your shoulders in a way, because you’re responsible for entertaining everyone.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right. Yeah. Whoa.
Kyle (as Phil): Yeah, no. But-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, yeah.
Kyle (as Phil): It’ll be easier now.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hold on. [grunts] Yup.
Kyle (as Phil): That Fae magic that you got, it’s inside you now.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Kyle (as Phil): It’s not going anywhere.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay.
Kyle (as Phil): You’re not gonna run out of that. It’s not like we’re gonna have to come sprinkle you again.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right. Phew, ‘cause I was-
Kyle (as Phil): So you use that ability, you harness that. You, again, pull it out of you. Just pull it out of you as much as you can.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [grunts]
Goodrich: He’s not pulling on me, is he?
Kyle (as Phil): No.
Goodrich: Oh, phew.
Kyle: But he’s – he walks over and he – you know, he’s about – he’s a little bit shorter than you.
Goodrich: Right.
Kyle: -but not too much shorter. And he grabs you by your lapels and he says:
Kyle (as Phil): Are you ready for the next one?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Aaah!
Kyle (as Phil): Are you ready, Raz’ul?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yes!
Kyle (as Phil): Stand on that stump over there.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay.
Kyle (as Phil): Stand on that stump right there.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright.
Goodrich: I go. I’m standing on the stump now.
Kyle (as Phil): Good!
Kyle: And he goes up and he, like, clumsily climbs up another stump that’s nearby. He says:
Kyle (as Phil): Okay. This next one, we’re gonna bring out the-
Kyle: And you hear him call out, and he says this – says this name.
Kyle (as Phil): Tree-kins, come here. Get in here.
Kyle: And it’s in Fae. You can tell he’s speaking in Fae.
Goodrich: Alright, sweet.
Kyle: And I’m not – I’m not gonna cover this. Basically, a bunch of pseudo-udo come out.
Goodrich: Oh, awesome.
Kyle: That’s more or less what they look like.
Goodrich: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kyle: I mean, you know, I’m not trying to cop that, but-
Goodrich: Tiny little ents.
Kyle: Yeah, they’re just tiny little, you know-
Goodrich: Or tree-ents, I guess.
Kyle: Tree – tree-kin. I think tree-kin are actually a thing in D&D, if I’m not mistaken. But regardless, they look like tiny stick people.
Goodrich: Right.
Kyle: So they all walk out-
Goodrich: Not the tiny stick people that you would draw; tiny people made out of sticks.
Kyle: Yes.
Goodrich: Right.
Kyle: Good defining point.
[Ali laughs]
Goodrich: Yeah, uh-huh.
Kyle: So they all walk out and they’re all like-
Kyle (as Tree-kin): What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what…
Kyle: And-
Goodrich: I don’t wanna leave here. I just wanna stay here.
Kyle: And Phil’s just says:
Kyle (as Phil): Shush, shush, shush. Not … not you, Raz’ul.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, okay.
Kyle (as Phil): I know you’re just getting ready.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right.
Kyle (as Phil): So, you’re gonna perform for a minute straight, and after you do so, you’re going to inspire at least one of these people – [Goodrich giggles] – to really be on your side.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That’s the goal, right?
Kyle (as Phil): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Every time we play, hope it’s – as long as one person takes something away, right?
Kyle (as Phil): It’s an enthralling performance, and you could enthrall one person. You could enthrall maybe up to five people. I don’t know. It depends on – it depends on where you come around.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right, right, right.
Kyle (as Phil): So, you’ve got the Fae with you. Come on. Pull the performance out of ya, and show these tree-kin what the – what the dwarves from your world have to offer.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, okay.
[Music fades out. Electric guitar chord.]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [singing] Do I attract you? Do I repulse you with my bardic style? Am I too dirty, am I too flirty to play what you like. I can be wholesome, I can be loathsome, I can be cordial or shy, why don’t you watch me, why don’t you watch me with that wandering eyes. I tried to be Phil Harmonic, but the looks were too drab, ah so I tried a little Symbol, hmmm, I’ve got the glamour and it’s rad! I could be brown, I could be blue, I’m just a bard in your eyes, I can be helpful, I can be purple, I can be playing all night, gotta be green, gotta be mean, gotta be playing some more, why don’t you watch me, why don’t you watch me walk out the door.
Kyle: Dude, yeah. Oh yeah.
Ali: Nice.
Kyle: That’s awesome. Uh, yeah. So let me – I gotta make some spell saves for some people that are gonna be charmed by you. So equal to your charisma modifier, minimum of one; your charisma modifier is two. So [two dice rolls] no, I don’t think a five will do, and a one will not do either. So yeah. There are – there are two of these. I mean, every – all the little tree-kin are, you know, clapping. They’re like:
Kyle (as Tree-kin): Yeah, great, sounds great!
Goodrich (as Tree-kin): Whoo-hoo.
Kyle (as Tree-kin): It’s so good.
Kyle: And – but there are two that, they’re like pushing their way through the crowd to get to the front, and they are clamoring at your feet on the stump.
Goodrich: Oh.
Kyle: Just like-
Kyle (as Tree-kin): More! More!
Goodrich: And I say:
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay. Oh. [strums guitar, starts singing] Oh, oh, oh…
Kyle: And Symbol is just sitting back there, he’s kind of – kind of laughing. You know, eating his pudding cup and everything. He’s just like-
Goodrich: No spit take? He just-
Kyle: No spit take. Just, you know, he’s like
Kyle (as Symbol): Man, that was really good. That was really good, Raz’ul.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, thanks, prof. I mean, I got nothing on what you’re dishing out over there, but you know, I’m learning.
Kyle (as Symbol): Yeah, you know, you’ll get it all someday.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Kyle (as Symbol): And that’s what we’re here for, that’s what Phil’s here for.
Kyle: And you still feel like the two little tree-kin people kind of, you know, pulling at your pant legs and everything.
Goodrich: I just pat them. Uh, okay.
Kyle: Yeah. So but essentially, these two are charmed by you, and while they are charmed, they’re going to idolize you. They speak glowingly of you to anyone they talk to about you.
Goodrich: Right.
Kyle: And this lasts for an hour, and regardless, it’s not like they really – it’s not like they know that they’re charmed.
Goodrich: Right, yeah.
Kyle: They’re just enthralled by that performance.
Goodrich: Well, I think I read after it ends they still don’t know they were charmed.
Kyle: Yep.
Goodrich: Which is pretty awesome.
Kyle: Yep.
Ali: [quietly] Yes.
Kyle: Absolutely. So – and, you know, of course you’ll be able to use this again. This was like learning.
Goodrich: Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kyle: So I know it says, you know, long, short rest, whatever. You’ll be good to go. You’re not like – you’ll be able to use it later on.
Goodrich: Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kyle: So – but Symbol and Phil, they kinda turn to you and they’re just like – Phil says:
Kyle (as Phil): Alright, you tree-kin, get out of here. Get out of here. Especially you two. You’re being weird.
[Goodrich giggles]
Kyle: And they kinda look sad at Phil and they’re just holding onto your pant leg.
Goodrich: And I say:
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No, it’s okay. It’s okay. You gotta go. And you live here and I live – well, I’m not quite sure how to put this, but not where you live. So take my performance with you, and in an hour or so, you’ll be fine.
Kyle (as Tree-kin): You’ll come back?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, sure, maybe. Symbol came back.
Kyle (as Tree-kin): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You know. You like Symbol? [excited whisper] He’s going by Splash now.
Goodrich: I whisper into their ears or their-
Kyle (as Tree-kin): Ooooh!
Goodrich: -knotholes. [flustered] What do tree-kin have in terms of listening devices?
Kyle: You just whisper to them. You can’t tell.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: You’re not up on the anatomy of tree-kin.
Goodrich: Yeah, okay. Well, I do that.
Kyle: And he’s like:
Kyle (as Tree-kin): Oooh, Splash! Splash! Splash! Splash!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, tell everyone.
Kyle: And you hear Symbol grimace. Just, like, normally that’s a facial thing, but you hear a “mm.”
Goodrich: Right.
Kyle: And Phil goes:
Kyle (as Phil): What? What are they saying?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No, it’s this thing.
Kyle (as Tree-kin): Splash! Splash!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I figured that would be easier for them to say. Symbol, two syllables, they seem like, you know, a one-syllable name would be easier for them, so-
Kyle (as Symbol): He’s lying to you again, Phil. My students call me Splash because they think it’s funny because it’s Symbol.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Because you spell your name super weird. We’re musicians and you spell your name S-Y-M-B-O-L? What is wrong with you?
Kyle (as Symbol): I spell my name how I spell it. I don’t comment about how you spell your name but-
Goodrich: Sorry. I’m just digging on you, Kyle.
Kyle: And Phil – [players laugh] – I know. And Phil is like:
Kyle (as Phil): Hahahaha, that’s actually pretty good. So Splash, are you changing your name again now? You going to change your name this time? What’s happening?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, was your name not Symbol before?
Kyle (as Phil): Uh-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Phil, dish. Dish, Phil.
Kyle (as Phil): Ah, that’s – that’s for him to tell and, you know. But I tell you this: your teacher, even in the time that I’ve known him, ha, different name, different face. I don’t know.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Whaaaat?!
Kyle: And Symbol’s just like:
Kyle (as Symbol): Phil!
Goodrich: Bro!
[Players laugh]
Kyle (as Symbol): You’re – he means different faces for different performances. You – you know, much like how your Mantle of Inspiration allows you to look a little bit different – as does mine – different face.
Goodrich: Can I roll insight on Symbol?
Kyle: Yeah, absolutely. Go right ahead.
Goodrich: Awesome. This was a skill I was gonna make better later. [Rolls dice] Aw, man, yes! Eighteen plus five.
Kyle: You can tell he’s not being truthful with you.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Aww. Splash. Splash?
Kyle (as Symbol): Yes?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Come on.
Kyle (as Symbol): No.
Goodrich: Can I roll persuasion?
Kyle: Yeah, if you want to. [Dice roll] It’s gonna be very hard-pressed.
Goodrich: Mmm.
Kyle: Very difficult.
Goodrich: How about a sixteen plus six?
Kyle: Sixteen plus six. Symbol looks at you and he goes:
Kyle (as Symbol): [inhales]
Goodrich: I make a little sad face.
[Ali laughs]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [in a wheedling tone] Splash, you can tell me. We’re in this whacky place. This is where you’re from? Question mark?
Kyle (as Symbol): This is not where I’m from.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay. But back to the other question-
Kyle (as Symbol): I will tell you-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Other faces, other names? Come on. Come on.
Kyle (as Symbol): Okay, okay. I tell you what.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay.
Kyle (as Symbol): I will tell you why I changed names.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, instead of – I mean-
Kyle (as Symbol): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay. That’s even better. You know what? I’ll take it.
Kyle (as Symbol): Yeah. If you’re around too long, people suspect something weird about you. Artists come and go, and, uh, can’t be around for too long as one person.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Rrriiight. Yeah, it don’t make no sense, Splash. What was your other name? Just tell me.
Kyle (as Symbol: Sorry.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [groans] Alright. Can you give me the first letter of it?
Kyle (as Symbol): No.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay.
[Ali giggles, Goodrich whimpers]
Kyle: Phil’s just kind of over there chuckling like, “heheh.”
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Can you tell me, Phil?
Goodrich: Let me roll on Phil. Here we go. [players laugh] I’m just playing, I’m just playing. That was – I probably would have had to roll something insane to get him to tell me.
Kyle: Yeah, yeah, considering how I see Symbol being preserved about himself.
Goodrich: Preserved?
Kyle: Yeah, he’s all in a jar and whatnot.
[Players laugh]
Spurrier: He’s so sweet and tasty!
Kyle: Yeah, you know.
Spurrier: All filled up with pudding.
Goodrich: Right, yeah. Alright, sorry. Okay, okay, okay.
Kyle: No. But, sorry, being reserved about himself.
Goodrich: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kyle: But he thought you were being very cute.
Goodrich: Okay, good. Well-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, Splash. Well, you know, whenever you wanna let me know, I would love to know.
Kyle: Let me find the name I wanna tell you.
Goodrich: [snickers] Says Kyle, the DM, or Splash?
Kyle: Yeah.
Kyle (as Symbol): Well, any artist has their ups and downs. Um, let me find one of the good ones.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Jeez, how many names do you have, Splash?
Kyle (as Phil): Again, he is a lot older than I am.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh my gosh!
Kyle (as Phil): He’s been around for a while.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Wink?
Kyle (as Phil): Yeah, wink.
[Players giggle]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Do you – do you – okay. Wow. Well, cool. Um, I’m starting to get a little freaked out by you, Splash. Uh, can you say-
Kyle (as Symbol): That’s okay.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Can you do that Mantle of Inspiration thing again? That was great.
Kyle (as Symbol): Yes.
Kyle: Looks up at – he does the same pose, looks up-
Goodrich: Daah!
Kyle: And you get blown back, and you’re knocked unconscious as your head hits a rock.
[Players laugh]
Goodrich: Oh no!
Kyle: And we are done with you.
Goodrich: [sighs] Oh jeez.
Kyle: Yashee, you’re falling.
Ali: Oh.
Kyle: Randy, you passed out. Raz’ul, you passed out.
Goodrich: What a party.
Kyle: Yashee, you land. You land on a stone floor, and you see Randy and Raz’ul just asleep on the ground. You notice a large bronze statue, and you see it’s Strumlotts again. You’re back in the room where you – before you’d stepped through to your teachers’ room. And Strumlott stands there, goes:
Kyle (as Barenthall): Well!
Goodrich: [Laughs] Yeah.
Kyle (as Barenthall): Wasn’t that – wake up! Wasn’t that fantastic?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Aaah.
Kyle: You two are woken up by the sound of Strumlott’s booming voice.
Ali (as Yashee): Hey guys.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Splash has other names! He has so many other names! He’s so old, you guys. Oh, Splash was there in my room. It was nuts.
Spurrier (as Randy): Aww, lucky. And…what?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh – [Ali giggles]. Well, sorry. Uh-
Kyle (as Barenthall): Oh, I will just wait here, like I always do. [Players laugh] It’s fine.
Goodrich: I tell them pretty much everything that happened in my room, or in my plane. All-
Ali: Just exploding with-
Goodrich: Bam!
Kyle (as Barenthall): That Splash guy sounds like one cool cat.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): He i- – hey, you know what?
Ali (as Yashee): Wow.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah. He, uh – well [stammers] man, I just – I need to lie back down. [Players laugh] Just need to process all this.
Kyle (as Barenthall): Well, you all seem to have come out on the other side – being this side, so back on the same side – but you are together and you are in one piece. Hopefully your teachers imparted the knowledge that you need, and you are not being kicked out of the school. So-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): We actually didn’t cover that in my room.
Kyle (as Barenthall): Oh well.
[Goodrich laughs]
Ali (as Yashee): I mean, I definitely got kicked, but probably not out of the school.
Kyle (as Barenthall): Ha! [Players laugh] Now, for the final test-
[Goodrich groans]
Kyle: -and you see the statue take its lute and pound it into its hand, like it’s holding like a club, and it looks at you menacingly. It goes:
Kyle (as Barenthall): Ha ha! Just kidding!
Goodrich: Oh my gosh!
Kyle (as Barenthall): Now go ahead and sing yourself out the door.
Goodrich: Not – [sighs] – oh jeez.
Kyle: And, uh, let’s go ahead and roll some chord dice as you sing as you’re leaving this place.
[Music transitions]
Goodrich: So we’re basically just, like, playing ourselves out.
Kyle: Yup, play yourselves out.
Goodrich: Okay. That – okay. This is a nice song we’re writing for Barenthall.
Kyle (as Barenthall): Get out! [Players laugh] Play yourselves out the door.
Goodrich: Alright, fine.
Kyle: But, you know, as far as the whole leveling-up thing, we’ve done everything for the bard, more or less, but we’re gonna actually do, like, the detailed level-up at the beginning of the next episode. So let’s just do this song.
Goodrich: Yeah. Well, and there’s like other stuff, like we all learned bard – other bard spells and other things.
Kyle: Yeah, it’s true
Goodrich: So this was just the-
Kyle: Just the colleges.
Goodrich: -our bard colleges, yeah.
Kyle: So we gotta cover all the extra details that we hadn’t covered or didn’t cover this episode.
Goodrich: Yep.
Ali: Cool, cool.
Goodrich: Cool. Well, major or myinor?
Ali: Uh, are we happy to be leaving or sad to be leaving?
Goodrich: I’m kinda sad, I don’t know. Like, I was thinking the whole time-
Ali: I had a good time.
Goodrich: -you guys kinda had like masochistic teachers.
Spurrier: Mine was awesome though.
Goodrich: No, no. They’re like “stab me!”
Ali: I liked mine too.
Spurrier: Well, I mean, for like Randy, it was great.
Goodrich: Right, so that’s fair.
Ali: Mine complimented me a lot, and I like that.
Kyle: Maybe ‘cause theirs are more combat-oriented.
[Overlapping conversation]
Spurrier: Sad song, [sings] “Bye-bye, Barenthall.”
Ali: Yeah, A minor.
Goodrich: Aww.
[Piano chord]
Goodrich: So minor?
Spurrier: Minor, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kyle: Alright.
Goodrich: Sure. Let’s do it.
[Multiple dice rolls]
Goodrich: Ugh, two wilds.
Kyle: We’re not on the road anymore.
Goodrich: No, we’re not. [Two dice rolls] Okay. Two G’s, an E minor, and a B diminished.
Kyle: Hey, that’s not bad.
Spurrier: And/or E.
Goodrich: And/or E. Oh, actually.
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Phew.
Kyle: Not bad, not bad.
Ali: And of course, the A minor.
Goodrich: Right. And what time signature do we wanna do?
Kyle: Uh-uh-uh.
Goodrich: I kinda wanna do 3.
Ali: Yeah, I think that’s fine.
Goodrich: I’ve wanted to do 3 ever since we’ve been doing this.
Ali: I think – especially for, like, a nice goodbye song
Goodrich: Yeah.
Ali: I think that would work well.
Kyle: Alright.
Goodrich: And are we saying, too, if we wanna do 3, can that also be 6/8? Or is-
Kyle: Sure. It’s a triple.
Goodrich: Okay. Cool.
Kyle: Scott.
Goodrich: [laughing] Yeah. Scott.
Ali: Alright. So there’s ten different triple-meter patterns-
Goodrich: Alright.
Ali: -so I’m just gonna roll a D10. [Rolls dice] It’s a six, which is gonna be…a waltz.
Goodrich: Aww.
Kyle: Oh yeah.
Goodrich: Waltzing with Barenthall.
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: It’ll be great.
Ali: And I guess I still roll the kit.
Goodrich: Yeah, the sound. Let’s do another electronic waltz.
[Dice roll]
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali: It’s gonna be twenty, so-
Goodrich: Ooh.
Ali: It’s gonna be Funk 02.
Goodrich: Alright.
Ali: A funk waltz.
Goodrich: Funky waltz.
Kyle: Funko, too.
Goodrich: [chuckles] Yeah. Okay.
Kyle: Right on. Alright. Well, get to writing, and listeners, talk to you in a second.
[Music transitions]
Kyle: Hey everyone. It’s your dungeon maestro Kyle here, just wanting to give you another thank you for listening, jumping in the pot with us, and stewing up a good mix for Chaos Sauce to spice up. So let me get through some special news real quick: Last Tuesday, Chaos Sauce Vol. 2 dropped for you. You can go to our Bandcamp, Bombarded.bandcamp.com, pick that up, pay what you want. Next week, next Tuesday, October 2, we are releasing the OST Vol. 2. Spurrier and Goodrich are doing their magic. They worked through some things and figured out what was gonna be the best stuff from those episodes, Episodes 11 through 20. So that’ll drop next Tuesday on our Bandcamp. Next next Tuesday, October 9, we’re not gonna be releasing a normal episode. What we do have in store for you is our trip to GEXCON. We actually – we decided to be actually traveling bards, made a trip up to Chantilly, Virginia, and along the way, we wrote songs for each state we went through. Now, of course, we couldn’t write the entire time, so, you know, we skipped state to state. But over it all, we wrote six songs, and a little shoutout for Georgia, my home state. It was a fun trip, we had a great time, met great people. We’re excited to share it with you, so hopefully you enjoy that. But yeah, we had a great time doing that. And so after that episode drops, on October 23, we’ll have the podcast resume, you know, properly.
Alright. And as usual, don’t forget about our social media: you know, @BombardedCast; if you wanna talk about the podcast, #BardCast. Don’t forget to go to our website, which is BombardedCast.com. You’re gonna find our email, PO box, links to the Bandcamp – Bombarded.bandcamp.com if you wanna skip that step. It’s all there for you, including a link to the band behind everything, Lindby, LindbyMusic.com. Haven’t mentioned it in a while, felt I needed to now.
Um, I’m your dungeon maestro Kyle, and I approve this message. And let’s get back to listening to our bards. Thank you, bubye.
[Music transitions]
Ali (as Yashee): Well, you know, I’m a little sadder about this than I thought I was gonna be.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): Getting a little teary-eyed, so-
Kyle (as Barenthall): Why?!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You’re awesome, is why.
Ali (as Yashee): You’re so sweet, you know? Here, we got a great song, just for you while we’re leaving. Here we go.
Kyle (as Barenthall): Alright. Leave, and play the song.
[Piano begins playing]
Ali: [singing] Bye, bye, Barenthall, so long and farewell, you’ve been so kind and inviting, and we hate to leave your cell. La dee da, da dee da da da da da.
Spurrier and Goodrich: [singing] Barenthall, so statuesque.
Ali: [singing] La dee da, da dee da da da da da-
Goodrich and Spurrier: [singing] Barenthall’s really the best.
All: [singing] Bye, bye, Barenthall, so long and farewell, you’ve been so kind and inviting, and we hate to leave your cell. La dee da, da dee da da da daa da, Barenthall so statuesque. La dee da, da dee da da da daaa da, Barenthall’s really the best. So bye bye Barenthall, so long and farewell. You’ve been so kind and inviting and we hate to leave your cell. La dee da, da dee da da da daaa da, bronze never looked quite so good. La da da, da da da da da daaa da, we’d stay here all day if we could. Bye, bye, Barenthall, so long and farewell, you’ve been so kind and inviting, and we hate to leave your cell. La da da, da da da da da daaaa da, la da da, da da da da daaa. La da da, da da da da da daaa da, la da da, da da da da da daaa.
Kyle: As you’re walking towards the door, playing, the door actually appears in place and begins to swing open. And you see that familiar nightclub that you’re used to, and on the other side is Alola Greenspire, waiting for you. And we’ll pick up with that next time.
[The music from the bards’ song fades out as the episode ends]