Ep. 21 - Getting Schooled, Mvt. IV
[Theme music plays]
Kyle: Hey everyone! Welcome back to BomBARDed. Let’s go over last episode real quick so we can move on to what’s gonna happen this episode. So last episode started with a showdown between our bards, Cera, Squid, and some Gils, and that happened to climax with Randy stumbling across the phrase that activated the flask he had found earlier in the lair.
Goodrich: Phew.
Spurrier: Yeah, right?
Goodrich: Thanks, Randy.
Kyle: Y’all were really getting the business there.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Spurrier: Especially you.
[Players giggle]
Goodrich: Yeah.
Spurrier: Down to what, two hit points?
Goodrich: Yeah. We never really talked about if we got healed up, so I guess the whole rest of the episode, I’m just this bloody little dwarf.
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali: We walked real slow.
Goodrich: Pretty much, yeah.
Kyle: So … but that flask tried to pull Cera inside of it. Cera was able to overcome the pull, but that really freaked out Cera and they decided to shift planes as a mode of retreating, and voicing that they’re abandoning their purpose for being there in the first place. However, this did result in Squid being left behind, since Squid had not been taught this technique, and Squid found themselves at the hands of some pretty upset bards and some confused Gils; which Yashee wasted no time at all, grabbing the flask and repeating the phrase Randy had spoke, causing Squid to be drawn into the flask and captured.
Goodrich: Uh-huh.
Kyle: Before you left the lair, you had located Jermaine, who looked really weird, was out of it, seemed like he had symptoms of amnesia. You had witnessed an ordaining of “the Gil” when you had all gone back to Gillington, after meeting back up with the miners and finding out their success in exploding and blocking the waterway in such a way that they think will be beneficial to Basom.
Goodrich: Right.
Kyle: Made your way back to Basom, where everything was pretty much resolved, more or less. We tied all those strings together. You did give the flask to Symbol, and you had also mentioned, you know, how Jermaine was a little odd, and Symbol’s like “I’ll take this and Jermaine to the Bureau, to John, and the other bureau members there.”
Goodrich: And we did write our sweet jingle.
Kyle: Yeah, you did write a sweet jingle, which is how Yashee has a sandatee now.
Ali: [Happily] I do!
Goodrich: Yes!
Spurrier: Hurray!
Ali: My little buddy.
Goodrich: Are there stables at Strumlotts. I just said it and was kind of in the moment about it. I didn’t really even think. It was like, yeah, there’s stables, because I was thinking Hogwarts.
Kyle: Yeah, yeah.
Goodrich: With stables and a gamekeeper.
Ali: If there aren’t, I’ll start campaigning for it.
Goodrich: That’s our next project.
Ali: “As your next president of Strumlotts School of Barding, I will build stables.”
Goodrich: Or we can start some sort of lemonade stand, like “we’re raising funds for the new stable for my one sandatee.”
Kyle: Yeah, I guess you’ll have to find out to see if there’s some proper lodging for a sandatee and a Zil.
Spurrier: And a Zil, yes.
Kyle: But they are coming along with you, regardless. [Players giggle] And so you spent the night, you know, partying with the townsfolk, said bye to Fingerbones and some of the other characters that we had met, and you left out the next morning. And we ended the last episode with seeing this scene of an airship flying in and having an explosion, and a large bird coming up and basically taking the place of that propeller. Raz’ul, again, you’d recognize this bird anywhere, as it was your druid mentor, Reed.
Goodrich: Yup.
Kyle: So we’re actually gonna pick up in this moment, and-
Ali: Wait, the bird was his mentor or the [laughs silently] … sorry.
Kyle: Yeah, the bird was his mentor.
Goodrich: Laugh all you want, man. That’s alright.
Ali (as Yashee): [In a child-like voice] That’s my mentor, flying up there!
Goodrich: Yeah, she don’t know. She don’t know.
Kyle: Yeah, no. So-
Ali: I really don’t.
Kyle: Symbol chimes in and says-
Kyle (as Symbol): Well, I guess their magic stabilizers kicked in, lucky for them.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, well, actually, that looks like my druid teacher, Reed. Just gonna toss that out there.
Spurrier (as Randy): What?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Could be another giant owl, but-
Ali (as Yashee): It is the bird?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It is the bird. Hey!
Kyle (as Symbol): What – what bird?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, you didn’t see that big owl that came and grabbed the ship? You didn’t see that?
Kyle (as Symbol): No. I saw the ship level out.
Kyle: And Mitch kinda hits him and says-
Kyle (as Mitch): Stop messing around, man. What’s up?
Kyle: And Symbol’s just like-
Kyle (as Symbol): No. [hesitantly] I…didn’t see a bird.
Kyle: And he pulls out a journal and starts jotting stuff down in a journal.
Goodrich: And I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Wait, Mitch, if you’re here, and Splash is here, and we’re here, [gasps] Who’s driving the cart?!
[Players laugh]
Kyle: Zil’s up front.
Kyle (as Zil): [grunts]
[Overlapping conversation and laughter]
Spurrier (as Randy): Tally ho.
Ali: Wait. So did we see the bird?
Kyle: Yeah, you two saw the bird.
Ali: Okay. Just checking.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So Splash, you really didn’t see the bird?
Kyle (as Symbol): I – I don’t know what bird you’re talking about.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Wow.
Ali (as Yashee): Just like he didn’t see the vision when we all touched that orb back in Not-Basom, right?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Kyle (as Symbol): I didn’t see anything.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay.
Ali (as Yashee): Sure, Splash.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, regardless, I saw my druid teacher, and, I mean, I-
Spurrier (as Randy): He looks huge and cool. What’s his deal?
Kyle (as Symbol): Describe to me what this looks like.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, it’s just a giant owl.
Kyle (as Symbol): Giant owl.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): And his name’s Reed. He taught me – he’s actually really super cool. When I first met him, you know, it was kind of at a pivotal moment in my life. I was kinda bummed out, like really bummed out, and was doing my own thing, trying to get this whole druid thing started.
Ali (as Yashee): Did he take you under his wing?
[Players laugh]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, actually. [Laughs]
Goodrich: And a single tear rolls down Raz’ul’s eye.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Anyways, um, no. Yes, he did. But he was actually really – he was a really cool dude, and I kinda asked him, like, “I mean, is this weird? You know, I’m a dwarf and you’re a druid person” – I don’t even know what the heck he was, but I didn’t really care. He was really good at being a druid, and so he taught me a bunch and…
Spurrier (as Randy): Is he always an owl?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No. He’s like a super awesome druid and can just turn into stuff. You know, like really-
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, so he’s not just a magical talking owl?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, sometimes he is.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, but that’s not his MO.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I mean, it depends on how he’s feeling.
Spurrier (as Randy): True. Okay, cool. I just thought you learned to be a druid from a giant owl, which would be cool too but-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, sometimes. But – and I still can’t fly like he can, so most of the time, he wasn’t a giant talking owl. But, you know, when he wanted to go and do his own thing, he’d totally turn into a giant owl.
Spurrier (as Randy): Get away from you, yeah.
[Players laugh]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I mean, sometimes, sure.
Kyle (as Symbol): Randy, how cruel!
Spurrier (as Randy): No, no.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Nah, he’s not wrong though. I mean, real talk, I suck, I’m not a great druid. But-
Ali (as Yashee): Oh really?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I’m getting better.
Kyle (as Symbol): Huh. Okay.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, no, I mean – you know how it goes: you’re learning something, you’re not great at it at first, but I did – you know, it’s fine. I get by, and I seem to be an okay part of this crew and...
Ali (as Yashee): You’re still young.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Spurrier (as Randy): Stop.
Ali (as Yashee): There’s still time to learn.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): But he split on me, so I don’t know...
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, wow.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, I didn’t-
Spurrier (as Randy): So he actually did just want to get away from you? [Goodrich laughs] I didn’t mean it.
Kyle (as Symbol): Aww.
Ali (as Yashee): Flew the coop.
[Players laugh]
Kyle (as Symbol): Okay, so – but you’re all telling me that there is a bird holding on – an owl holding to the edge of that ship right now?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Look closer, Splash. Look closer.
Kyle (as Symbol): I can see perfectly fine. Apparently not, though. Okay. So an owl, and-
Kyle: -he shows you in a journal, he’s like-
Kyle (as Symbol): -is this what it kind of looks like?
Kyle: And he shows you the picture that he’s drawn of the owl.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That’s a great picture of an owl, Splash. Yes, it’s an owl, just like I said.
Kyle (as Symbol): Okay. [Players laugh] I mean, are there any distinct markings-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh.
Kyle (as Symbol): -anything that sets this owl apart from the others, other than, I don’t know, being big enough to help lift a ship?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, you ever play Legend of Zelda, Splash? [Players laugh] Still just playing. No, no. No, he’s just a big-
Kyle: Super wicked eyebrow game.
Goodrich: Yeah, exactly. “Splash’s eyebrows are all on fleek, man.”
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No, it’s just a big owl. He is brown – like, you know, a brown owl, big eyes. It’s just an owl, man. Big owl, big owl. Sorry, it’s just, I haven’t seen this bird, I’m kinda having – I’m a little verklempt over here. So it – yeah, should we follow the bird? I kinda wanna get to school.
Kyle (as Symbol): No, I don’t think it’s our issue. If you say there’s a bird saving this ship.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Kyle (as Symbol): -it’s gonna work out really nice, because, yeah, I’d wouldn’t really want to have to investigate the crashing of a royal galleon of the Ionian province, which I’m sure they’re probably coming into the continent for the Bicentennial coming up, which-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, Fingerbones was talking about that.
Kyle (as Symbol): Yeah. It’s a couple weeks away, but, um, that must be, you know, the royalty of that province from Alcan. So they – I wonder if they’re talking about opening borders up. They’ve had trade going for a while, and I guess trade has been going well, so – you know, it’s kind of – Beetzart’s limited things as far as, like, people being able to leave or come in.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right.
Kyle (as Symbol): Granted, I’m sure it’s able to be done if you can slip someone the proper coin.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): They should talk more about those trade disputes. Everybody loves a good talk about trade and blockades. [Laughs]
Kyle (as Symbol): Trade’s a fantastic thing. But luckily, we don’t talk about that, we just document history of it.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [laughing] Right!
Kyle (as Symbol): But, yeah, again, I don’t actually think it’s our problem. If there had been a crash, now that’s something to write about and document. But, I mean, you could write this in your wrap-up of the Basom journey, I guess, if you wanted to. It wouldn’t hurt to document it, if it’s audacious as it sounded.
Spurrier (as Randy): Saw giant owl.
Goodrich: Yeah, I write that down too.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yashee, did you get that?
Ali (as Yashee): Big, huge.
Kyle (as Symbol): Very great job.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yes.
Spurrier (as Randy): We already got our A for this.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So screw it.
Kyle (as Symbol): Such apt bards. Okay, let’s go.
Kyle: Alright. So you continue on down the road and finish your travel toward Strumlotts. And you arrive in front of the school and get all your gear out and everything.
Goodrich: I say “A chord!” It pops up.
Kyle: No, you-
[Players laugh]
Kyle: No. As you’re getting everything off the cart, Mitch lets you, Randy and Yashee, know that they’ll take care of Sandy and Zil and get them situated.
Ali: What does that mean? Who’s taking her?
Kyle (as Mitch): [sounding uneasy] It’s Mitch, you know, your driver. He’ll take her over to the stables.
Ali: There are stables.
Kyle (as Mitch): Yeah, there are some stables here. You know, I-
Ali (as Yashee): Make sure she has a really nice one, okay, with like lots of hay and-
Kyle (as Mitch): Symbol said if he took the job, I’d have to be stablemaster, because I’m his guy like that.
Ali (as Yashee): -maybe like a window looking out to wherever it looks...
Kyle (as Mitch): I’ll see what I can do.
Ali (as Yashee): [Quietly] Perfect.
Kyle (as Mitch): I know I-
Spurrier (as Randy): Zil’s fine in like a box or something. [Players laugh] He’s not needy.
Kyle (as Mitch): I’ll get him a barrel of water to chill in.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, awesome.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh nice.
Ali (as Yashee): Maybe him and Sandy can be roommates.
Spurrier: That would be-
Kyle (as Mitch): That’s the plan.
Ali (as Yashee): Make their own little dorm.
Goodrich: I smell a spinoff.
Kyle: [makes animal noises]
Goodrich: [Singing] “Making your way in the world today takes everything you got.”
Kyle: The Odd Couple?
Goodrich: Oh yeah.
[Kyle sings under his breath]
Goodrich: [Imitates another song] Let’s sing all the goofy TV themes.
Kyle: All of them. All of them. Symbol is getting off the carriage and he’s grabbing that package that he put on the back. He’s like-
Kyle (as Symbol): Oh yeah, this is gonna be delicious.
Kyle: And he’s like-
Kyle (as Symbol): Okay. I have to go put this away real quick before it has more chance to spoil.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What is it?
Kyle (as Symbol): It’s just some treats for me. It’s something delicious. I’m really excited to break into-
Ali (as Yashee): Just for you?
Kyle (as Symbol): Just for me.
Ali (as Yashee): You didn’t get us anything?
Kyle (as Symbol): You had your ch-ch-chances.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): But we did save the town, you’d think we could get some treats.
Ali (as Yashee): You couldn’t give us a little gift bag or something?
Kyle (as Symbol): I tell you what. There’s a process to preparing them. I’ll let you know when I’m ready to eat them.
Ali (as Yashee): [Whispering] Yes.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay.
Kyle (as Symbol): And we can eat them together.
Spurrier (as Randy): Awesome.
Ali (as Yashee): Thanks.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Then we could maybe have that talk we were talking about, where you don’t send us down into caves to defeat giant brain monsters.
Kyle (as Symbol): Yeah-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): ‘Cause-
Kyle (as Symbol): -we’ll have that conversation. I don’t think – I don’t think the next assignment should be a scoop that I get.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right.
Kyle (as Symbol): ‘Cause that didn’t seem to work out well, did it?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No. I mean, that was horrifying, right? I mean, can I get a freakin’ witness over here? Like, that was a terrifying experience.
Spurrier (as Randy): [noncommittal grunt] Yeah.
Goodrich: I mean, okay. I was the only one who almost died, I guess, so...
Spurrier: Yeah, I mean, I was like at half health. I was fine.
Goodrich: Which, have we rested? Are we-
Kyle: Yeah, it’s been a long enough time to where you’re rested up and you don’t have to worry about anything like that.
Goodrich: Sweet! Thanks, Kyle!
Ali: Take off all the bandaids.
Kyle: So, but Symbol’s kind of walking off, and as he does, he says-
Kyle (as Symbol): Oh, and be sure you get a good night’s sleep-
Kyle: You’ve arrived about midafternoon.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: So he says-
Kyle (as Symbol): Be sure to get a good night’s sleep, as you – I went ahead and signed you up for an ear-training course. It’s gonna happen in the morning as early as possible, of course, ‘cause that’s how that happens. So – but after class, you can drop by the library to see Mr. Read about another Wonderball treat. [Players make sounds of being impressed] I think you’ve more than earned it.
Goodrich: [whispering] Yes.
Kyle (as Symbol): But yeah, get some rest, and you can do whatever you want with the rest of the night, I think.
Spurrier (as Randy): Sweet.
Kyle: And he walks in and basically starts like running away with-
Goodrich: With his treats.
Kyle: -with his package of treats.
Spurrier (as Randy): Bye, Splash!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Classic Splash.
Kyle: So yeah. I mean, we’re back at school, you don’t really have any obligation for the rest of the evening, so what do you wanna do?
Goodrich: I rub Randy down with potpourri ‘cause you smell like Zil.
Spurrier (as Randy): Ah well, thanks.
[Players giggle]
Kyle: Okay.
Spurrier: Does it complement the Zil flavor?
Goodrich: No, no, it just masks it. In fact, I’m gonna retcon to say I did that as soon as we got in the carriage, ‘cause he a stinky little boy.
[Players chuckle]
Ali: We all probably stink a little bit.
Goodrich: Yeah. I rub us all down.
Ali: Go wash up and change out the old clothes.
Goodrich: Well actually, speaking of clothes, I’m gonna lift up your shirt and check your back.
Spurrier: Oh, it’s been a while.
Goodrich: We haven’t done that in a while, yeah.
Spurrier: That’s a good call.
Goodrich: Getting a little worried, because you’re calm like a freakin’ bomb over there.
Ali: How’s your crack doin’?
Goodrich: So I lift it up. How’s it look, Kyle?
Kyle: It doesn’t look like it’s changed any since the last time you checked it.
Goodrich: Okay.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): How do you feel? I mean, does it-
Spurrier: Do I feel anything different, Kyle?
Kyle: No, you don’t really feel anything different. It’s kinda the same.
Spurrier (as Randy): I feel dandy. I mean, if you wanna, you know, just do a little finger
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I’ll poke it, yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah.
Kyle: You poke it, no real reaction. Still feels like really hard, you know, harder than if you poked skin.
Goodrich: Right, yeah.
Kyle: Has a give. This doesn’t have a give.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay. Well, the – you know, same as always.
Ali (as Yashee): Find somebody to look into that at some point.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [chuckling] Yeah.
Ali: Go down to the nurse or something.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You wanna go to the nurse?
Goodrich: Is there a school nurse we could go see?
Kyle: Sure.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You wanna?
Spurrier (as Randy): I mean, it couldn’t hurt.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright. Yashee, you wanna go too?
Spurrier: See someone that’s got some training.
Ali (as Yashee): I gotta go put some things up in my room real quick, but yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, yeah. Well, let’s go, I guess, to our room. Back to our room, our dorm room.
Kyle: Okay. So you’re going to head back to your dorm rooms. You walk through the main foyer of Strumlotts and through the double doors. And it’s hear you find Tabitha and Brenda McDade; they both look a little frazzled, as they have just finished picking up papers, folders and books. Looks like they had a little bit of a collision of sorts, but Tabitha is nervously apologizing to Brenda, and Brenda responds-
Kyle (as Brenda): Don’t worry about it. I probably would have dropped them myself at some point. But I must be on to review these potential assignments to pair with the available note classes.
Kyle: And Tabitha says-
Kyle (as Tabitha): Of course. So sorry again, Ms. McDade.
Kyle: Brenda walks off toward the offices, and Tabitha rubs the back of her head with one of her hands and notices you three standing there. And she is kind of caught off guard, and you can see that her stack of papers and books begins to slide off-balance. So-
Ali: I’m gonna go-
Ali (as Yashee): Hey, Tabby, be careful!
Ali: How far away is she from us? I’m just gonna run up to her-
Kyle: Ah, you know, you could make it in time. Are you trying to help her with the books?
Ali: Yeah. I mean, I’ll run over there.
Kyle: Give me a dexterity save.
Ali: Okay.
Kyle: Let’s see how dexterous you are. You’ve gotta beat a ten.
[Dice rolls]
Ali: Nineteen plus two?
Kyle: Oh yeah. You bolt over there before they start falling off and catch them, and Tabitha’s just like-
Kyle (as Tabitha): Oh, thanks, Yashee.
Ali (as Yashee): Oh, that was a close one.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Tabitha, we’re back!
Spurrier (as Randy): Hi.
Kyle (as Tabitha): I see that.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What’s up?
Kyle (as Tabitha): Not much, just – we got back from Beln yesterday.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oooh.
Kyle (as Tabitha): And man, is that a depressing little place.
[Players chuckle]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What did you do while you were there?
Kyle (as Tabitha): We tried to play at the tavern, just to, like, kind of raise spirits, ‘cause they lost their mayor recently.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh-oh.
Kyle (as Tabitha): And-
Ali (as Yashee): Wait, we’ve been there, right?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, that’s where we played.
Goodrich: How does that work?
Kyle: No, you three haven’t been there.
Goodrich: Okay. I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, Tabitha, outside of this timeline, in an alternate dimension, we’ve totally been to Beln and it was awesome.
Ali (as Yashee): I’ve heard a story about Beln before somewhere.
Goodrich: About these three bards. No, just kidding.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, that sucks. We actually kind of went on a crazy adventure-
Goodrich: And I tell her everything up to going into the hole.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Yeah. I gave you that call to make sure you were okay, because somehow you guys left this plane?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh yeah. Okay, Tabitha, listen.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Mm-hmm.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): When you play with your crew, with your group, does, like, wicked crazy things happen? Like, super out of the ordinary?
Kyle (as Tabitha): No, nothing really out there crazy. I mean, we’ve – we’ve been practicing a lot. But nah. I mean, you know, we’re able to achieve some form of magical effect, but it’s pretty minimal.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay.
Ali (as Yashee): Well, what about when you’re by yourself, doing magical stuff? I mean, we saw that one time in the practice room, things got a little…different.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Oh.
Kyle: She goes a little flush and is like-
Kyle (as Tabitha): I – yeah. That’s – that’s something else, that’s not bard-related.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh.
Spurrier (as Randy): How did you know left a plane? What is–
Kyle (as Tabitha): Uh…
Spurrier (as Randy): Seems some pretty in-depth knowledge.
Kyle (as Tabitha): I was told.
Spurrier (as Randy): By…?
Ali (as Yashee): Wait, did I tell you that?
Kyle (as Tabitha): Uh, no.
Ali (as Yashee): I don’t think I told you that.
Kyle (as Tabitha): By the being you met in the practice rooms.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, yeah.
Kyle (as Tabitha): They kind of let me know.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Do you still do that sort of thing?
Kyle (as Tabitha): I mean, it’s an on-and-off kind of conversation.
Spurrier (as Randy): Is it healthy?
Kyle (as Tabitha): Yeah, it’s fine. It’s gotten me to where I am now, and it’s given me more power than I thought I would have to do what I need to do. Which…I don’t know if we’re there yet.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What?
Kyle (as Tabitha): So tell me this though: You guys went with Chaos Sauce for your name?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): Yep.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yes.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I think it’s working pretty well, actually.
Ali (as Yashee): [whispering] Give her a card. Give her a card.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, you want a card? Here.
Goodrich: And I give her a card.
Kyle (as Tabitha): [to herself] Oh dang it, now he’s gonna want a card. Okay, well-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Who wants a card? What?
Kyle (as Tabitha): Garreth.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You want more? Oh yeah, give one to Garreth, too.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): But don’t tell him it’s us. Tell him it’s like this super awesome band you heard of and you wanna go to one of their shows real bad. And then it’s our show, and then-
Kyle (as Tabitha): Okay.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): -you know what I mean. So it’s a funny kind of joke, and then it’s a...
Kyle (as Tabitha): Well, we’re – I mean, it depends on if we wind up being in the same area, I guess. But, um-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Don’t worry about it.
Kyle (as Tabitha): You know [scoffs] Garreth wanted to go with the North Stars and-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That’s a cool name.
Kyle (as Tabitha): [sighs] It’s not bad. I mean, at least I like stars, and Ilda seems to be eating up anything that he throws on the floor, so-
Spurrier (as Randy): Gross.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah. Well, does he say – he’s kind of your front man, right?
Kyle (as Tabitha): [snickers] Yeah, I guess. He forces his way up there. But-
Goodrich: Yeah. It is maybe a little bit egotistical of a name. I don’t know.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): If you don’t take into account his last name, I think it’s a pretty sweet name. But-
Kyle (as Tabitha): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh well.
Kyle (as Tabitha): So…
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Are you gonna stay with it, you think or-
Kyle (as Tabitha): Yeah, I think that’s what I’m stuck with, but-
Ali (as Yashee): I like it, but if you have something better, you should bring it up to him. Don’t let him take the lead all the time.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Well, see, we don’t have cards made, so I guess it’s not set in stone or anything.
Ali (as Yashee): Just make your own cards, and be like”no”-
Kyle (as Tabitha): “This is it.”
[Players chuckle]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That’s what I did. I didn’t ask those two chuckleheads about cards; I just made some up.
Kyle (as Tabitha): You just kind of strong-arm it, okay. Yeah, I see.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): But I made the cards – never mind. It’s not important. Hey, listen.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Right.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): We’ve got a couple of things to take care of, just getting back. I mean, Randy and I gotta check on … some stuff and put some things away. Yashee, do you wanna-
Ali (as Yashee): I needed to go back to my room real quick.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): I wanna go eat though; I don’t know about you guys. I’m famished from the road.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, sure, yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): Tabby, you wanna grab some food with us?
Kyle (as Tabitha): Well, I think I’m actually forgetting something. What was it?
Kyle: And then at this point, some of the other doors that lead further into the school open up, and you see Garreth walk in, and Ilda is, you know, closely in tow behind. And Garreth just snaps out, says-
Kyle (as Garreth): Tabitha! There you are! You’re late for practice again!
Kyle: And you can just hear Ilda go-
Kyle (as Ilda): Humph! Humph!
Kyle: -and nod. And-
Goodrich: I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Man, just lay off, alright? She ran into McDade with the books and they fell on the ground. Just relax, alright.
Kyle (as Tabitha): Yeah, I was just talking to Chaos Sauce here and they-
Kyle: And Garreth says-
Kyle (as Garreth): Chaos Sauce, huh?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Kyle: And he looks you three over, he’s like-
Kyle (as Garreth): You’re the mooks that stole my letter and tried to put it back. Yeah, I remember you yelling your name down the hallway after running away. Can’t say I’ve heard of you for any other reason, but yeah. Maybe getting kicked out of school for stealing another student’s property may gain you some infamy that you’re looking for.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh no, that was the other Chaos Sauce.
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, I don’t remember that happening.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Kyle (as Garreth): Yeah, no, I think I would recognize at least two shorties and a big tall-
Goodrich: [rolls dice] Let’s roll some deception. Ooh, that’s a five.
Kyle: Not good.
Goodrich: Nope.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, well, you know, it was all in good fun. We were just kinda doing-
Kyle (as Garreth): Good fun, huh?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah. I mean-
Kyle (as Garreth): Yeah, yeah. Well, watch yourselves, ‘cause I know people.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh?
Garreth: People who pull strings. And I’m not talking about the students studying marionettes here.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh. Well, if you do, here’s a card. Pull some strings, get us a gig or something, right?
Kyle: And he just kinda turns his nose up at your card. And Ilda jumps out from behind his legs, goes-
Kyle (as Ilda): You shouldn’t steal; it’s bad. And Tabitha, you knew Garreth scheduled practice for every day at this time.
Kyle: Tabitha says-
Kyle (as Tabitha): I don’t know why you’re pushing so hard to do the Academicon early. They will not let the three of us, as first-year students, take the Academicon.
Kyle: And Garreth replies-
Kyle (as Garreth): Yeah, that’s the level of determination that doesn’t get you anywhere. So why don’t we just go ahead and go practice like we’re scheduled, and leave these … Chaos Sauce alone.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Sure. We actually have to go practice too. Don’t we, guys?
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah.
Kyle (as Garreth): I bet you do.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Spurrier (as Randy): Enjoy doing it every single day. Obviously you’re going to need it. Make sure to look north, to all the stars.
[Players snicker]
Kyle (as Garreth): [angry sounds]
Kyle: And he fumes a little bit, and he’s just – turns and walks away.
Spurrier (as Randy): [Softly] Byee.
Kyle: And Ilda gives you a small scowl and goes-
Kyle (as Ilda): [angry whine]
Goodrich: Uh.
Kyle: And walks off behind Garreth. And Tabitha just looks at you three and goes-
Kyle (as Tabitha): I don’t – I don’t know.
Spurrier (as Randy): It’s the hand you were dealt. It’s not your fault.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Maybe you can start having secret practice with us.
Kyle (as Tabitha): We’ll see. I can only hope, right?
Kyle: And she starts to trudge off, following behind.
Goodrich: Aww.
Kyle: It’s like-
Kyle (as Tabitha): I’ll talk to y'all later.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright. Have fun practicing.
Ali (as Yashee): Okay. See you later.
Kyle (as Tabitha): See ya.
Kyle: And they all walk off. So, after that having happened, you’re gonna go to your rooms, get washed up. Yashee-
Ali: Gonna get some food, maybe.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Spurrier: Okay.
Ali: We can go to the library soon too, right?
Goodrich: Yeah. Well, and do we want to see the nurse first real quick?
Spurrier: I mean, we can try.
Goodrich: Okay
Kyle: What do you want to do first?
Goodrich: Let’s do the nurse first.
Kyle: Nurse first.
Goodrich: I mean, I don’t know.
Ali: That’s fine.
Goodrich: That’s what I’m thinking, like, that’s what Raz’ul’s thinking. Like, I mean, we’re here, there’s someone that can maybe check it out. Is the nurse in this school just a cleric or-
Kyle: Uh, you don’t know.
[Overlapping conversation]
Ali: Yeah, let’s just go do that first.
Spurrier: Mosey.
Kyle: Okay. So you make your way around the school and follow the signs that say “hey, nurse, this way.” [Players chuckle] “Nurses’s office, over here. Keep walking.” And you find yourself at the nurse’s office, and there’s a little placard on the outside that says “Nurse Odejoy.”
Goodrich: Odejoy.
[Players giggle]
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: Alright. Yeah, let’s go inside, I guess.
Spurrier: Yeah.
Kyle: So you open the door, and there’s the nurse standing. She has a cupboard open and she’s pulling things out of it and looking at them. And she turns to greet you three. She’s wearing a nice long, flowing kind of laboratory coat and a black pantsuit underneath it.
Goodrich: Nice.
Kyle: And-
Goodrich: Does it have a big bow on the back?
Kyle: Yeah, a big bow on the back, and pink hair and Nurse Odejoy.
Goodrich: Right. [Laughs]
Kyle: Yeah. So-
Ali: I go-
Ali (as Yashee): Hellooo, nurse! [Players laugh] Hi.
Kyle: She says-
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): Oh, hi. Welcome to the nurse’s office.
Kyle: You can see she’s wearing some certain symbolism that represents Pranus, who you know to be the daughter of Altonia, the goddess of health and redemption.
Goodrich: Sweet.
Kyle: So she says-
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): How can Pranus’s blessing find you today?
Goodrich: I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [singing] Doctor, Doctor, give me the news!
Goodrich: Is that what you say, Randy?
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): You’ve got a bad case?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Of Randy’s-
Ali (as Yashee): The crack in the back.
[Players laugh]
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): Big crack in the back, that’s – haha, funny, funny. You can leave.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No, no, no, wait, wait.
Spurrier (as Randy): That would be the crack further down the back. This is a higher-up crack in the back.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Do you wanna show Nurse Odejoy your crack?
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): You cracked a bone?
Spurrier (as Randy): No, let me just show you, if that’s okay.
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): Okay, have a seat right up here.
Kyle: -and slaps a parchmented table.
Goodrich: That’s not funny, Kyle, you’re asking Spurrier if he cracked a bone.
Kyle: Oh, yeah.
Goodrich: That’s poor-
[Players laugh]
Kyle: I wasn’t thinking about it.
Goodrich: I’m just playing.
Kyle: I know.
Spurrier: Alright. Well, I hop on up and rip off my shirt.
[Players laugh]
Goodrich: All in one movement?
Spurrier: [makes swooshing sound]
Goodrich: Midair, just “waaa.”
Spurrier: That shirt’s gross anyways. It’s got all sorts of Zil slime and stuff on it. So yeah, rip off the shirt, and say-
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, there’s a crack, and I don’t know if you dabble in sweet, sweet magic ink, but we’ve got that going on, too. I didn’t get this administered, it just kind of showed up one day.
Kyle: She steps around behind you and kind of, like, looks at it studiously, puts her finger on her lips, and just like contemplates for a minute. She says-
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): This is a hodgepodge of a bunch of different things you have going on here. Uhh, there’s so much here that I can’t make heads or tails of what starts what enchantment and what limits what ward.
Goodrich: And I reach up real quick and like reach up. I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, don’t forget, there’s a big crack up there, too. That’s what we’re here about.
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): Yes, I – yes, I understand. I see that.
Ali (as Yashee): You can poke it.
Spurrier (as Randy): By all means.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Kyle: She puts a glove on-
Goodrich: I was about to say.
Kyle: -and pokes in. She’s like-
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): Oh, that’s very disconcerting. Um, I tell you what.
Kyle: And she turns around and opens up a book and starts flipping through things. She’s like-
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): Um, I mean, this is a lot going on here, but I think there’s some divination I could do. However, I don’t have the material components for it.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That’s cool. We actually don’t play with, really, material components in this game.
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): Oh, but this is different. For me, you know, maybe you have ways of getting around those-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Riiight.
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): -that the heavens allow for some reason. Um, but perhaps if you could bring me 250 gold pieces’ worth of incense, and I will need four strips of ebony worth about fifty gold pieces each.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, cool. Do you know where we could find that stuff?
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): Probably any major market; Sundance, if you happen to be going there or on assignment.
Spurrier (as Randy): Does the incense need to be a certain flavor, like nag champa or anything like that?
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): No, just any general incense you can get.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I’ve got potpourri, does that count?
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): Uh, do you have 250 gold pieces’ worth?
Goodrich: I guess I could just bring her later what I have and see how much more we need.
Kyle: I will tell you this: you do not have 250 gold worth of incense on you.
Goodrich: Okay. That’s fair.
Kyle: You probably maybe have like ten – [Players laugh] – on you at any point in time.
Goodrich: That’s fair, that’s fair, that’s fair.
Kyle: This is gonna be a big bag of incense.
Ali (as Yashee): That’s like a lot of gold pieces.
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): I know, and it’s a very taxing process.
Ali (as Yashee): Could the school maybe cut us a check for it or … no?
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): I mean, you get paid for your duties at the school as well as gaining education, so…
Ali (as Yashee): We do?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uhh…
Ali (as Yashee): I didn’t realize we get paid.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): When does that check come in?
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): I guess it’s more so you get paid from being assigned to go places, and you might get paid that way. [Players make sounds of dawning understanding] I don’t know. I just nurse here, so...
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Giggles] Yeah. Okay. Cool, Doc. Well-
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): If you do that, I’ll be willing to perform the – cast that spell for you. And maybe we can find out a little bit more information. Bring that back to me when you’re ready though.
Spurrier (as Randy): From what you can tell, is there like a time limit on how quickly we should act on that or…
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): Uh-
Spurrier (as Randy): If it’s gotten a little bigger as time has gone on, hasn’t changed super recently, but, uh, putting that out there.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right now, he’s comfortably numb, you could say.
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): [pauses] Okay. [Goodrich laughs] I probably wouldn’t want to wait, you know, too much longer. I mean, the overall ward seems to be intact, so I think once it maybe would crack through the outer circle, you might actually lose the arcanic flow of magic that is imbued into it.
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay.
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): So sooner than later.
Spurrier (as Randy): Sure. I’ll keep that in mind.
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): I can put a Band-aid on it if you’d like.
Spurrier (as Randy): Will that do anything?
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): No.
[Players snicker]
Spurrier (as Randy): Then that’s okay.
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): But I have these teddy bear ones, if you like teddy bears.
Goodrich: Aww, get a sticker.
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay. That I can do, yeah.
Kyle: Puts a teddy bear sticker on there.
Spurrier (as Randy): Uh, do you also have like maybe a blanket I could borrow? I sort of ripped my shirt in half. I don’t wanna be showing this off to the whole school.
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): Yeah, no, that’s-
Spurrier (as Randy): I’ll bring it right back when I change.
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): You don’t have to worry about it.
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay, thank you.
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): Here’s a blanket.
Spurrier (as Randy): Thanks.
Kyle: Okay.
Spurrier (as Randy): Toodle-oo.
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): Have a good day. Come back and see me.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Bye.
Spurrier (as Randy): Bye.
Ali (as Yashee): Alright.
Kyle (as Nurse Odejoy): But only if you need me. Bye.
Kyle: Okay. So you head back to the rooms, drop off anything that you were carrying with you, and change.
Ali: I go in and open up my spoon cabinet.
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: And I’m gonna – I need to rearrange them a little, ‘cause my new spoon is like real tinny sounding, so I can put it on – closer to the right.
Kyle: You got it on the right row, column area.
Ali: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Goodrich: I light up some potpourri real quick, just for, you know, when we get back and whatnot.
Kyle: Yeah. Your secret stash.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Spurrier: I just spend some time with Joby.
Goodrich: Awww.
Ali: Do we have a-
Kyle: Introducing him to your new bear Band-aid?
Spurrier: Yeah.
Kyle: Like “check out little me, Joby?”
Spurrier (as Randy): This is you.
Ali: Your little friend. Do we have like a little mini fridge?
Goodrich: For the finger?
Ali: Yeah.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: Yeah. Sure.
Ali: Ok. I just stick that in there for later.
Kyle: Okay. So you store that away.
Spurrier: Probably put the bottle of Zil goo in there too.
Ali: Ooh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kyle: So … but you’re ready to go, and you head on out. And you’re making your way down to the library. You walk in, and Mr. Read’s behind the table. There’s some students sitting around, reading; some of them are in the aisles, pulling books. There are floating carts that are going back, and books are just magically going back on the shelf.
Goodrich: Nice.
Kyle: So … but Mr. Read looks up and looks at you three and goes-
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Welcome back.
Spurrier (as Randy)
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): We’re back.
Kyle (as Mr. Read): How has it been going? Haven’t seen y’all in a little while.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Boy, has it been crazy. Don’t worry about it though. Splash-
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Not gonna.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yep, yep. Classic Read, or Mr. Read. Oh boy.
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Huh?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Anyhoo, Splash said there were going to be maybe some Wonderballs for us?
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Uh, yeah, he let me know about that. However, you might have to come back in the morning.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh?
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Um, he told me he told y’all to wait till after class tomorrow morning, but-
Ali (as Yashee): He didn’t.
Kyle (as Mr. Read): -he must not have. So … but yeah, there’s actually a person from AU here that’s working on it. Something had happened with an arcanic capacitor, overloaded. We’ve actually lost all the different passphrases and everything-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh-oh.
Ali (as Yashee): Oh no.
Kyle (as Mr. Read): -so when you come back tomorrow, it should be ready to go. And we’ll have to redo those, but it should still work the same nonetheless.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay.
Spurrier (as Randy): Food!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, alright. Well, we tried.
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Alright.
Ali (as Yashee): Sounds great.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): See you tomorrow, Mr. Read.
Spurrier (as Randy): Bye.
Kyle: Alright. So you head off. He gives you a wave, says-
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Farewell. See you tomorrow. Drop back by. Bye.
Kyle: You make it to the cafeteria, and it’s close to dinnertime. There’s a good line going on; people are standing in line, performing for their food-
Goodrich: Oh boy.
Kyle: -as they should.
Goodrich: Right! Jeez.
Kyle: There’s a lot more students than you realized, actually, that went to Strumlotts that are here. [Players laugh] And-
Ali: I thought it was just like six people.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: Yeah, no. You finally see it’s like, okay, there’s actually people that go here. Some people are just eating; some people have books with them that they’re studying. You notice in the corner there’s a few students that are milled around and they’re rolling dice, and it looks like they have some gold out on the ground.
Goodrich: Oooh.
Kyle: So what do y’all wanna do?
Spurrier (as Randy): Um, well, before I get food—or maybe one of you guys can get me some food—I’m gonna go see what’s up with those dice-rolling boys.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright. Just be careful now. Don’t let ‘em take all your money.
Spurrier (as Randy): It’ll be fine.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright. What do you want? I’ll go get you something.
Spurrier (as Randy): Whatever.
Goodrich: Is that – I mean, can I order food?
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Okay, sweet.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Just whatever?
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, sweet.
Spurrier (as Randy): It’s food.
Ali (as Yashee): I had a little snack back but I’m – I mean, I still want to eat. So can you actually get me something too?
Spurrier (as Randy): A big ole order.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, I got it.
Ali: I actually wanted to see if there’s like – maybe a school, like, bulletin board or something.
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: With like events or just, you know, be like an active [Goodrich laughs] member – like school member.
Goodrich: You wanna be on the student council?
Ali: Yeah, maybe.
Goodrich: Yeah, for sure.
Kyle: Okay, let’s do this. Sounds like Raz’ul’s going to be ordering food, so Raz’ul, you take a moment and come up with something you want to play to get the food.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: We’re not going to do like a whole song production of this, so-
Goodrich: I was about to ask you. Yeah, okay, sweet.
Kyle: Take five minutes and get that knocked out. I’m gonna have to take a minute to see what’s going on with a bulletin board, but what I can do right now is: Randy, you walk over and these people are playing some dice. They’re all, you know, betting, and it seems to be like a one-on-one kind of thing, where people are cupping their dice over and they’re playing like, you know, “Oh, high, low.” So, you know, you stand there for a few moments, and you see this one person really seems to dominate. And it’s a little gnome and he’s got like a few fifes that are like kind of on his arm that he’s got ready to go, pulls them out and plays when he needs them. But he’s rolling dice and seems to be just killing it.
Spurrier: Okay.
Spurrier (as Randy): Uh, hello.
Kyle (as gnome): Oh hey. What’s going on? You coming to roll some dice, lose some money?
Spurrier (as Randy): I would love to.
Kyle (as gnome): Okay. Alright. Well, I tell you what. [chuckles] Fred just got the best of him taken, so why don’t you go and have a seat, and let’s see if we can get the best of you too.
Spurrier (as Randy): Cool. What are we playing?
Kyle (as gnome): Ah, we’re just – we’re rolling some dice, and if you think it’s gonna be a total under twelve between the two of us, you know, you can go high; if you think it’s gonna be over twelve between the two of us, or you can call it low.
Spurrier (as Randy): Cool.
Kyle (as gnome): So-
Spurrier (as Randy): You ever play an alternate version where you play evens and odds?
Kyle (as gnome): Evens and odds. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What’s that?
Spurrier (as Randy): Basically what it is: you call if you think the total’s gonna be even or if you think the total’s gonna be odd.
Kyle (as gnome): Okay. Yeah, let’s try out your game, see what – you know, you’re new to the table. Let’s play your game and give you a fair chance, I guess.
Spurrier (as Randy): That’s good of you. Appreciate it. How much you got there?
Kyle (as gnome): Uh, well, I mean, I’m willing to put down, huh, fifty.
Spurrier (as Randy): Fifty?
Kyle (as gnome): I could go fifty on the first bet and we can-
Spurrier (as Randy): -go from there.
Kyle (as gnome): -spice it up from there.
Spurrier (as Randy): Done.
Kyle (as gnome): Alright. Well, go ahead. Bust out your cup and you can get some dice, and let’s start rolling.
Spurrier (as Randy): After you. And oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name.
Kyle (as gnome): Oh, Gerard.
Spurrier (as Randy): Gerard, nice to meet you. I’m Randy, and this is Joby.
Kyle (as Gerard): Nice to meet you, Randy and … Joby.
Spurrier (as Randy): Mhm.
Kyle (as Gerard): Your bear.
Spurrier (as Randy): [slowly] Yes.
Kyle (as Gerard): Alright, hey.
Spurrier (as Randy): You want some money or not?
Kyle (as Gerard): Yeah, I’ll take your money.
Spurrier (as Randy): Game on.
Kyle (as Gerard): Let’s go. Go ahead and roll them dice.
Kyle: And throws his dice in the cup, shakes it up – [sound of dice rolling] – and covers it.
Spurrier: Should I just roll mine?
Kyle: Yeah. You go ahead and roll your six-sided dice and keep it to yourself. 2D6, right?
[Dice roll]
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay.
Kyle (as Gerard): I’ll start off, and yeah, let’s say it’s gonna be even. I think it’s gonna be even.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, let’s just do the opposite then.
Kyle (as Gerard): Okay. So you’re going with odd, huh?
Spurrier (as Randy): Mhm.
Kyle (as Gerard): Alright. Uh, tell you what: before we reveal this, how about we make it more interesting. Twenty-five more gold?
Spurrier (as Randy): Let’s make it fifty more gold.
Kyle (as Gerard): Oh, okay.
Spurrier (as Randy):Lohoho.
Kyle (as Gerard): Yeah, let’s go ahead and – go ahead and do that. Um, you wanna reveal what we got here and see where we’re at?
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah.
Kyle (as Gerard): Okay.
Kyle: And he pulls off his cup, and he reveals that he’s got seven total on his dice.
Spurrier: I pull mine up and show that I have six.
Kyle (as Gerard): Okay, alright. Fair and square. I like that.
Spurrier (as Randy): Beautiful, beautiful.
Kyle (as Gerard): Alright. You wanna give a man a chance to, you know, get his money back? We can go another fifty and fifty.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah. Let’s go one more.
Kyle: So you’ve made a hundred gold so far in this first bet.
Ali: Nice. Get that back taken care of in no time.
Goodrich: It’s a double or nothing.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, I was gonna say, you know, I’ve got some - I’m pretty hungry, just got back from a long journey – we’re Splash’s students.
Kyle (as Gerard): Who?
Spurrier (as Randy): Which – well, Symbol goes by “Splash.” Sorry. I need to make that preface.
Kyle (as Gerard): That seems like an awkward name change, but-
Spurrier (as Randy): It super is, but it was his-
Kyle (as Gerard): -I’ll take your word for it.
Spurrier (as Randy): It was his call. He’s got it embroidered on his shirt now; like it says “Hi, my name is Splash.” It’s just a whole thing.
Goodrich: He’s got merch! [Laughs]
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah. But it’s fine. You wanna go all in? I’m kinda busy, I’m hungry.
Kyle (as Gerard): Oh, all in? Uh-
Spurrier (as Randy): How much you got?
Kyle (as Gerard): I got about three hundred left.
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay. Well, both three hundred. Well ehh…(mumbling) I don’t wanna be a dick. Let’s just go with two.
[Goodrich and Ali laugh in the background]
Kyle (as Gerard): Okay. Seem overly cocky there, second time rolling.
Spurrier (as Randy): I mean, it’s Joby. He brings out the confidence in me.
Kyle (as Gerard): Keep an eye on that Joby, then.
Spurrier (as Randy): You definitely should.
Kyle (as Gerard): Alright. Well, if you wanna go for it, yeah. You know what, here, I’ll do two hundred. I gotta keep some for myself.
Spurrier (as Randy): Absolutely, absolutely.
[Multiple dice rolls]
Spurrier (as Randy): What did you call?
Kyle (as Gerard): I’m gonna call it evens again.
Spurrier (as Randy): Evens again? Well, odds again, then.
Kyle (as Gerard): Okay, fine. Well-
Kyle: -pulls out his cup, he shows a five.
Spurrier: Pull it up and show an eight.
Kyle (as Gerard): Damn. Alright, alright, alright. That’s fair, that’s fair. I don’t know if I like your game so much as I like my game, but you know what?
Spurrier (as Randy): Understandably so.
Kyle (as Gerard): You gotta come back, and maybe we’ll have a better time next time for me.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah. Uh, yeah.
Spurrier: So I’ve won an additional two hundred?
Kyle: Yeah.
Spurrier: That puts me at five hundred and fifty-three gold.
Kyle: And he’s kind of patting his pocket, he’s like-
Kyle (as Gerard): Man, glad I had that last gig.
Spurrier (as Randy): Seriously, yeah.
Spurrier (as Randy): Where’d you play?
Kyle (as Gerard): Oh, I played up in Koosa. It’s a good place. Family’s kind of at ends with each other, but, you know, it’s just some family rivalry, you know. Mama Koosa wound up actually calling us up there and wanted a little bit of the fifey tricks and treats.
Spurrier (as Randy): Ah. Well, duly noted.
Goodrich: Mama Koosa?
Kyle: Aha, yeah!
Goodrich (laughing): Okay yeah, just making sure.
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay. Well, Gerard, it’s been a pleasure.
Kyle (as Gerard): Yeah, I guess. You know, as much of a pleasure as losing some money can be, Randy.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah.
Kyle (as Gerard): But I’ll get you back.
Spurrier (as Randy): Deal.
Kyle (as Gerard): Have a good time. Us little folks have to stick together.
Spurrier (as Randy): Amen to that.
Kyle (as Gerard): Alright. Well, get outta here and let me win some money from these people-
Spurrier (as Randy): Stuff my face with 300 gold worth of food. Bye, Gerard.
[Ali and Goodrich giggle]
Kyle: Gerard was happy to give his money away, apparently.
Goodrich: I actually – [dice roll] – if you wanna do me next, I actually, while that was going, I wrote a little something too, a song, you know.
Kyle: Okay. Yeah, yeah. You go and perform your song.
Goodrich: Yes.
Kyle: You get to the point in line for Alto Brown. He calls you up, he’s like-
Kyle (as Alto Brown): Alright, next. Next – you know, perform. Tell me what you want.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, Alto. I don’t know if you remember me. It’s Raz’ul.
Kyle (as Alto Brown): See a ton of faces every day.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yep, don’t worry about it. Is it cool – I just need to get a little bit for me and a couple of my buddies. Is that cool if I just play one song to get them?
Kyle (as Alto Brown): Yes, just perform. There’s people behind you.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, yep, yep, yep.
Goodrich: So I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Guitar plays, singing tune of “Cheeseburger in Paradise”] Big dinner from Alto Brown, for Chaos Sauce, the best band in town. A few plates of whatever you’ve got around, just need a big dinner from Alto Brown.
Ali: Yes.
Kyle [as Alto Brown]: Okay, big dinner. Gotcha.
Goodrich: [imitates fanfare]
Kyle (as Alto Brown): We’ll get it worked out: potatoes, green beans-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Maybe a cheeseburger? Uhhh?
Kyle (as Alto Brown): Maybe – okay, you said cheeseburger. Sure, yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright, thanks.
[Music crescendos as transition]
Kyle: Alright, Randy. You’re gambling; Raz’ul, you’re getting food.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: And while you two are doing that – Yashee, you head over to the bulletin board, which you look at, and you notice somebody’s crossed out the O on Board, making it say “Bulletin Bard”.
[Players laugh]
Goodrich: Nice!
Kyle: You walk over, and you see there’s some fliers on there. They mention stuff about mattress races that are coming up, to get your team together and everything. There’s also – there’s an opportunity for people, “hey, wanna jam with people outside of your note class? Take this information and we meet up in one of the practice rooms on Saturdays at 2:00 after lunch.” You can come jam with people that you don’t normally jam with. There’s a bardic book club, which, they meet in the library. And you can come chill. You each – you pick a book and you read it, come back next week, talk about it. And mainly focuses on specific bards and bards of repute around the area. There’s also Gerard’s Casino Night, which is gonna be coming up.
Goodrich: [laughs] Jeez.
Kyle: So if you want to, that’s gonna be, you know, “wear your finest kind of clothing, you come, and we’ll have everything set up. We’ll change over one of the practice rooms into a casino, have a good time. Inquire with Gerard.” There’s also a dance group that’s looking for a backing band to kind of, you know, play the music for something they have planned.
Ali: Okay.
Kyle: And you also notice there’s a smaller flier. It doesn’t look as official as the others, but it’s called Stargazers. And it’s like, “Hey, just wanna chill and hang out and look at the stars? Contact Tabitha.”
Ali: Oh.
Goodrich: Aww.
Kyle: So those are all the things you find on the bulletin board-
Ali: Cool.
Kyle: -which could be ever evolving and new things come up, things happen, things go.
Ali: Is there like contact info for the backing band ad?
Kyle: Oh yeah. There’s little tabs you can pull for all of them. And they all say, you know, “pull a tab,” and it’ll light up and send a reminder.
Ali: Alright. Well, I’m gonna pull one for the jam session, the casino night, the backing band – I’m gonna tell the guys about all those – and then one of the stargazers.
Kyle: Okay. Most of the other ones have gotten something pulled from it; you notice you’re the first one to pull something for the Stargazers.
Ali: Okay. Well.
Kyle: So, alright. You go-
Ali: Take Sandy out and-
[Goodrich and Spurrier snicker]
Goodrich: Oh jeez. Yeah.
Ali: -look at the stars with Tabitha.
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali: It’ll be fun.
Kyle: So you all converge back, Raz’ul having gotten a bunch of food for you all.
Goodrich: I’m carrying it very expertly, or do I need to roll for it?
Kyle: No, you-
[Players snicker]
Goodrich: And you spill all the food all over the ground. Go back and perform some more.
Kyle: Yeah, go and play another song. No, you all get to your table, munch down. And you’re feeling the wear of the travel, and you’re getting tired, especially after eating a big dinner.
Goodrich: Sure.
Spurrier: Feeling the weight of all the gold in my pockets.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: Yeah, it’s just weighing you down.
Goodrich: Can I actually go and put one of our cards up on the bulletin board?
Kyle: Yeah, sure, if you want to.
Goodrich: Sweet.
Kyle: Go for it.
Goodrich: I scribble on there “they dam right” and don’t tell you guys about it.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: Alright. So you put a – the card is on the board.
Goodrich: Got it. Perfect.
Ali: Alright. And I’ll share the – especially, like, the casino night, like-
Goodrich: Right.
Ali (as Yashee): You might be interested in this, uh, Randy.
Spurrier (as Randy): One step ahead of you. Thank you, though.
Ali: And totally the backing band ad for the dance thing.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, we can totally do that.
Ali (as Yashee): I know you guys like dancing.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): This could be really cool.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I know. I’m down with that if you guys are.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yyyah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Even you, Yashee.
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah. I don’t mind watching dancing.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay. What’s this Stargazer one? Looks pretty cool.
Ali (as Yashee): Oh, yeah. You know, I’m interested in-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): -the world out there.
[Players giggle in background]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [giggles nervously] I’ve had enough of stars and stuff for a little while, and heavenly bodies crashing to earth. So you have fun with that one. I’m good.
Kyle: Okay. Anything else you say to each other before you turn in for the night?
Goodrich: Oh, we up in our room now?
Kyle: You – after dinner, you would head back to your room. You remember Symbol telling you-
Kyle (as Symbol): Be sure to get a good night’s sleep; you gotta get up super early for an ear-training class, like always.
Goodrich: [sighs] Oh, yeah. Is it ear-training and sight-singing?
Kyle: Yes, it is.
Goodrich: Oh boy.
Spurrier: Oh, hurray!
Goodrich: Alright.
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali: Way to start your day. Alright.
Kyle: Yeah, exactly. Bright and early.
Goodrich: It’s how I used to start my day.
Ali (as Yashee): Better get some – yeah, he said get some good sleep, so let’s hit it.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yep.
Kyle: Yep.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yep.
Kyle: Y’all crash for the evening, and I’m gonna go ahead and fast-forward here and say we come back to – you’ve gotten up, you’ve made it to class. And more towards the end of class, your teacher, Mac Dammitt, is-
[Goodrich guffaws, Ali and Spurrier snicker]
Kyle: -is telling you – he’s a dwarf, a dwarf man – he’s just like-
Kyle (as Mac Dammitt): Now remember, you can – you can relate most intervals to something common that you’re, you know, acquainted with. So if you’re having a hard time remembering, like, a perfect fourth, you can remember like a bridal march starts off with that. Or if you need to remember a major sixth, you can remember the National Bardcasting Company has – [Goodrich laughs] – “bum bum bum.”
[Piano plays NBC tone]
Kyle (as Mac Dammitt): Yeah. So it gives you that perfect sixth to the fourth, which we’ll get to in outlining chords later. But go ahead, and don’t forget to practice your sight-reading using this book here. Come back, and we’ll have our next lesson in a while. But yeah, I think that’s good enough for today. You bards skedaddle on out of here, and your teacher will schedule your next lesson with me.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Sweet.
Goodrich: Which, it should be mentioned, Mac Dammit is what we used to call our old ear-training software, MacGamut, which was kind of the bane of all of our existence. So-
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: -if you’re out there studying music, it’s actually really good for like learning it-
Kyle: It is.
Goodrich: -but you’ll hate it after. Anyhoo, just a fun fact.
Kyle: Yeah. You finish your ear-training, which – you remember after class, you were told, “Yeah, go on to the library and you can get your Wonderball surprise.”
Ali: Let’s do it!
Goodrich: Let’s go.
Spurrier: Yeah, yeah.
Kyle: So you get back to the library, and Mr. Read is standing there with a guy who’s wearing more of a mechanic kind of garb, but he also has a big floppy wizard hat. [Goodrich laughs] And he’s just telling Mr. Read, he’s like-
Kyle (as Wizard Mechanic): Yeah, so we got it all fixed up, tuned up. You know, we replaced your arcanic capacitor and everything, and so you should be able to, you know, tuck some balls in there and get some items out of them - [Ali snickers] – just proper. But if you have that problem, you call me on back here. You know, the Gold Wizards’ll come and fix it up for you, proper.
Goodrich: Right.
Kyle: So, and he’s just like-
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Oh, well, perfect timing, actually. You bards, come on over, and we’ll get you situated with the Wonderballs again. Thank you, kind sir.
Kyle: And the mechanic wizard man leaves. And-
Spurrier (as Randy): [tentatively] Didn’t you say you lost the passwords?
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Again, something happened. Somebody – we don’t know who – somebody tried to use the machine without knowing how to calibrate it properly.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Splash.
Spurrier (as Randy): Did you ask Garreth?
Kyle (as Mr. Read): [slowly] No.
Spurrier (as Randy): I would – I would ask Garreth.
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Okay, I’ll look into it. Garreth. [Players snicker] That’s a start, I guess.
Spurrier (as Randy): It’s pretty much a guarantee. But anyways, let’s move on.
Kyle (as Mr. Read): A Garreth-tee.
Goodrich: Ahh!
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Okay. So you will have to redo your passwords, your phrase.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right.
Kyle (as Mr. Read): But that’s okay. You know, it’s easily done. It was just like the last time. You might want to use something different, though. Just saying, just in case something got out there, somebody finds it.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Kyle (as Mr. Read): So who wants to pick first, shake-a-shake-a-shake-a-shake-a?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I’ll go. What the heck.
Kyle: Okay. I want you to roll me a D6.
[Dice roll]
Goodrich: Six.
Kyle: Alright. So you pull out this tiny Wonderball wrapped in foil, you unwrap it, and you can see the essence – it looks almost like the essence is making a bag. And on the outside of it is, carved into the metal binding, says “Bag of Tricks.”
Goodrich: Ohh!
Ali: Hmm.
Spurrier: Cool.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well-
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Ah, that should be a good one, yeah. If it’s the one I’m remembering, it should be very – some furry fun.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh. Alright, cool.
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Who’s next, shake-a-shake-a-shake?
Ali (as Yashee): I’ll go.
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Alright, Yashee.
[dice roll]
Ali: [Humming] A three.
Kyle: Okay. You reach in, you pull out your ball, pull off the wrapping. And you can see the material inside floats around and looks very porous and sponge-like. And on the side, you see that it reads “Sponge of Holding.”
Ali: Okay.
Kyle: And Read just says-
Kyle (as Mr. Read): I don’t remember that one, but okay. Randy, that leaves you. Shake-a-shake-a-shake ‘em.
Spurrier (as Randy): Cool. Let’s shake it up.
Kyle: Alright.
[dice roll]
Spurrier: That is a three.
Kyle: Three. You reach in, pull out a ball, unwrap it. It happens to have writing on the side of it, which you don’t know. [Players laugh] But inside, you see swirling – it looks like almost a humanoid shape is swirling in on itself.
Spurrier: Oh.
Kyle: It’s floating in the middle of this orb. Mr. Read just looks at it and he goes-
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Uh, that’s the Viewdoo Doll, I believe?
Goodrich: [chuckling] Viewdoo.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, that’s what it says, yeah. Viewdoo.
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Well, let’s go set up your passwords and put your balls in there and get you some new items.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Sweeeet!
Kyle: So you go ahead and you walk into the Dreamforge chamber, and he instructs one by one to go up. Roll your dice for the song that you’re gonna write to make your passphrase. Again, this is gonna be a short thing, just like last time. So let’s go ahead and break, do that, get some songs made.
[Music transitions]
Kyle: So we’ll do it like we did last time: you each get two dice that you can roll, but in this situation, the machine is generating the chords for you, you’re putting words to it, but, you know.
Goodrich: Gotcha. And you get to roll chord dice too, Ali, ‘cause-
Ali: Well, and I think – I don’t think I rolled even drums last time ‘cause I didn’t really have anything to-
Goodrich: Oh.
Ali: ‘Cause it was like I needed to do some kind of rap-
Goodrich: Right.
Ali: -so I just had to find like a hip-hop one.
Goodrich: Well, cool.
Ali: So I will roll drums for this as well.
Spurrier: Hurray! Got the bass! Yes, awesome.
Ali: Why don’t you go first with your-
Goodrich: Yeah.
Spurrier: Do it!
Ali: -chords.
Goodrich: Alright, I’ll go. [Rolls dice] Alright. So it’s C, and then I’m just – I’m gonna say major.
Spurrier: I guess you -- major.
Goodrich: E minor and F. So C, E minor, and F.
Ali: Nice.
Spurrier: [Rolls dice] And uh, let’s see here: C, B diminished, and a wild, so let’s try that again. [Rolls dice]
[players laugh]
Kyle: C and B diminished.
Spurrier: Same as last time.
Kyle: Alright. That’s, uh-
Spurrier: Gonna change my password.
Ali: Alright. And then Kyle, you can roll one and I’ll roll one.
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: Do we need to think major, minor?
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali: What do you wanna do?
Kyle: Oh, oh…
Goodrich: Oh, Kyle, oh jeez!
Kyle: I guess minor. Minor’s fun.
Ali: Alright, let’s do it. [Rolls dice] A minor, E minor, and B diminished.
Spurrier: And of course, you can make your E into major if you want.
Kyle: That’s true.
Ali: Oh, that’s -- alright, alright, alright. Let me roll these drums out.
Kyle: Okay.
[Coin flip]
Ali: Okay, user bank. Fifty-seven is Funk9.
Goodrich: Ooh.
Kyle: Cool.
Ali: So far, so good.
Kyle: Cool, cool, cool.
Ali: [Rolls dice] And the kit, Piccolo2?
Goodrich: Oh, it probably just means it has a piccolo snare.
Spurrier: Or Dragonball. It’s fine.
Goodrich: [giggling] Yeah.
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali: Well, either way, I’m very excited.
Kyle: The green man.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Ali: Well, on to sectionals.
Goodrich: Yeah.
[All laugh]
Kyle: Listener, we’re about to have our own sectional. Talk to you in a second.
[Music transitions]
Kyle: Hey, everyone, it’s your dungeon maestro Kyle here. Just wanted to say thank you again for sitting in with us and listening to our little adventure. If you wanna keep up with us outside of the show, don’t forget you can search on social media for @BomBARDedCast. And you can also search and see what people are saying about the podcast by searching the hashtag #Bardcast. If you want to email us, you can do that at bombardedcast@gmail.com. And also, you can hear the music that we’ve done for this show at the BomBARDed Bandcamp, which is bombarded.bandcamp.com. We’ve got the OST up there, we’ve got the first ten tracks, our Chaos Sauce Vol. 1. We’re also gonna be pulling the BardLibs from the feed and putting them up there so that you’re able to listen to those songs, podcasting, app. But yeah, those’ll be available for you, as well as the “oh yeah” that we do for our natural twenties and the two nat-twenty songs that Goodrich did. Speaking of our BomBARDed Bandcamp, we are finished with Episode 20–which, of course, you’re hearing this and you’re like “yeah, Kyle, we know that”–but you know what that means. We have Volume 2 of Chaos Sauce that’ll be in production, as well as the OST. So those are starting to be in the works, and we will give you more details about that later.
Alright, I got some special news here for you, hot off the presses: BomBARDed’s gonna be attending GEXcon in Chantilly, Virginia at the Dulles Expo Center, and that’s gonna be August 31 through September 2. So if you’re an east-coast person and you wanna get on down to Chantilly to say hi to us, come on down, have a good time, say “what’s up.” We’d love to meet you. Don’t forget about the band behind BomBARDed, which is Lindby. That’s LindbyMusic.com if you want to hear any of the music that we’ve made outside of BomBARDed.
I don’t really have anything else to chat about, unless—aww, it’s a one-way street here. Dang, I wish you could tell me how you’re doing. Well, again, hop on that social media, let us know, and I’ll be glad to answer back. Other than that, let’s hear what these bards came up with. Talk to you later.
[Music transitions]
Kyle (as Mr. Read): So the Dreamforge is ready to go. Who’s going first?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I’ll go, I guess.
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Okay, Raz’ul.
Goodrich: Real quick. [Strums a guitar chord] Okay. So I go up there and I put my ball in there and–[ding]–and I wait for his cue, I guess, right?
Kyle: Oh, yeah, he’s – you put the ball in, he’s like-
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Wait, wait. Almost. Now. Go.
Goodrich: Okay, okay. So I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [singing] I think about what it is I wanna say, when I gotta get a Wonderball in my way. What’s Splash got in store for me today? I don’t know. I hope that it’s good and I’ve found a key to unlock this ball of generosity. Oh, Splash, what have you got for me this time. Oh Spla-ha-ha-sh, what do you have for me? Oh Spla-ha-ha-ash, what do you have for me?
Kyle: Okay. The Dreamforge begins to swirl with energy, and as you’re playing, it manifests all of the materials inside the ball into a small bag in the center of it.
Goodrich: Huh.
Kyle: And in the small bag, you can see that there’s tiny balls; they just look like furballs.
Goodrich: Oh.
Kyle: Just like small balls of fur.
Kyle: And, uh-
Goodrich: Sweet.
Ali: Small furry little balls.
Kyle: There’s – there’s-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I had one ball, I got more furry balls. Well, dang it.
Kyle: There’s a note tucked in there, and you go – you collect your item. And you read the note that says: “Just toss one of these on the ground and you’ll have a furry companion come to life to help you out.”
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, cool. ‘Cause yeah, I was a little bummed that, like, Yashee got to bring back Sandy, and Randy got to bring back Zil, but [sounding sad] I didn’t get to bring back anybody.
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Aww. Well, now that changes.
Ali (as Yashee): Aw ho ho.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Now I’ve got lots! Oh boy.
Kyle: And I will get you the table of what could be generated from throwing those furballs onto the ground.
Goodrich: I throw one on the ground.
Kyle: Oh shit. [Players laugh] [Bleep] Alright, roll a D8.
Goodrich: Okay. [Rolls dice] Three!
Kyle: Three. Okay. So you throw the ball onto the ground, and the ball begins to bubble and grow and – [Goodrich shudders] – kind of oozes out and opens up, and there is a mastiff standing there.
Goodrich: Oh, party!
Kyle: It’s looking at you-
Goodrich: Like a normal size mastiff?
Kyle: Normal mastiff.
Ali (as Yashee): Sweet!
Spurrier (as Randy): Wow.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I’m gonna name you, uh, Dr. Dog.
Ali (as Yashee): Nice.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: Well, just for your information, Dr. Dog will be available to you until it reaches zero hit points or the next dawn-
Goodrich: Aww.
Kyle: -and you can also only draw three fuzzballs per day.
Goodrich: Okay. Is there an unlimited amount of fuzzballs?
Kyle: Unlimited amount of fuzzballs, total, but only three can be drawn in a day.
Goodrich: Holy cow.
Spurrier: That’s pretty cool.
Ali: That’s still pretty sweet.
Goodrich: I’m like the master of randomized animal.
Ali: Man.
Goodrich: Yeah, that’s awesome!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Thanks, Splash!
Goodrich: Cool.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): C’mere, Dr. Dog. [makes kissing sounds] C’mere.
Kyle: Dr. Dog comes over.
Ali: [makes dog sound]
[Players laugh]
Kyle: And just comes, sits up and looks at you-
Goodrich: Aww.
Kyle: -tongue hanging out the side.
Goodrich: Give him little pets. Yeah, good-
Rich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Kyle: Loves it.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Guys, check it out. I’ve got a dog!
Ali (as Yashee): Aww.
Spurrier (as Randy): Aww.
Ali (as Yashee): What’s his name?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): His name’s Dr. Dog.
Ali (as Yashee): That’s the cutest name ever.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah!
Spurrier (as Randy): M.D. or Ph.D.?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ph.D.
Spurrier (as Randy): Ah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I don’t think he practices medicine.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: Okay, and yeah. The dog comes up over and sits next to you. Read just looks and goes-
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Well, that should be fun, I imagine.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, I’m psyched.
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Let’s get the other two taken care of. Who wants to go next?
Ali (as Yashee): I’ll take my turn. Here I go.
Kyle: Okay. So you go up, you place your ball in, and – [ding] – Read is looking at you and he says-
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Okay, uh, now.
[Drums start to play]
Ali (as Yashee): [singing] Let’s see what’s in this Wonderball. Roll it out, unwrap my newest haul. The time has come, there’s no need to stall. So yeah, let’s see what’s in this Wonderball. What’s Splash got up his sleeve, [bass guitar riffs] a surprise that I’ll receive, [bass riffs] to use from day to day [bass riffs] as I learn the barding way. [bass riffs] Let’s see what’s in this Wonderball. Roll it out, unwrap my newest haul, for this half-orc, so caring and so tall. Oh yeah, let’s see what’s in this Wonder- Oh, I wonder – in this Wonderball.
Goodrich: Man, I want funk pattern.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: So, again, you begin performing, and much like happened with Raz’ul, the material begins to form and coalesce into a sponge that sits in the middle of the DreamForge, and there’s a little note on top of it. Says, “This is a sponge of holding.”
Ali: Mhm.
Kyle: “Be careful with this, as you could affect climates and different areas, ‘cause it can suck up and hold about a cubic mile of water.”
Goodrich: What?!
Spurrier: Whoa.
Ali: I could change climate?
[Players chuckle]
Kyle: No, but-
Ali: Oh, it can suck up water?
Kyle: Yeah, it’s like a little 2-inch-by-5-inch sponge, like typical kitchen sponge.
Ali: Mhm.
Kyle: But it has the magical ability to hold mass amounts of water.
Goodrich: Then can you release it later?
Kyle: You can.
Goodrich: [with a deep voice] Release the river!
Ali: Just wring it out.
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Forever.
Ali: Wherever I want.
Kyle: Wherever you want.
Ali: [Satisfied sigh] Ahh. Alright. Well, that’s awesome.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: Yeah. And Read looks over at Randy goes-
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Randy?
Spurrier (as Randy): Yes?
[Goodrich and Ali laugh]
Kyle (as Mr. Read): You’re the last one, man.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh yeah, you’re right.
Spurrier: Okay.
Kyle (as Mr. Read): C’mon over here.
Spurrier: So Walk up, give the Dreamforge a longing look.
Kyle: Okay. [Players chuckle] And Read says-
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Stop looking at it and put your ball in there.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, right. Okay.
Spurrier: And I tuck it in. [ding]
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Okay. Get ready. It should – go, now.
[Music starts]
Spurrier (as Randy): [singing, with an echo] We meet again, my dear Dreamforge, I hope this ball won’t leave you engorged, now it’s time to quaff the sphere, and fill little Randy with joy and cheer.
[Players laugh]
Ali: That was beautiful.
Kyle: Yes. Read’s like-
Kyle (as Mr. Read): I’ve never seen anyone love a Dreamforge so much.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah. I’ve found in my travels I’m less interested in halflings and finding interest in machines and squids and things.
Goodrich: Uhhh.
Ali: …and stuffed animals.
Kyle (as Mr. Read): Very interesting, Randy.
Kyle: But you play. The magic begins to coalesce together into a small doll that sits in the middle of the Dreamforge. And it looks like what we would know to be a voodoo doll, and there’s a note next to it. You don’t know what it says though.
Spurrier: True, true.
Goodrich: Does Joby get a little jealous?
Spurrier: No. They’re gonna be friends.
Goodrich: Oh, right. Okay.
Spurrier: Well, I’m still choked up from the singing, so-
Spurrier (as Randy): Would you guys mind reading this? I’m still a little-
Ali: Got tears in your eyes.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ferklempt?
Spurrier: -kl-klempt. I can’t-
Spurrier: It’s streaming down my face.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, give it here.
Spurrier (as Randy): Thank you.
Kyle: You – Raz’ul, you read it, and it says: “This is a Viewdoo Doll. All you have to do is get a personal belonging or, like, a piece of hair from someone you want to divinate upon.”
Goodrich: [whispers] Garreth.
Kyle: “And you could – you know, you could spy on them a little bit, once per day. Kinda see what’s going on for about ten minutes.”
Goodrich: Is it like see through their eyes?
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Ooooh!
Spurrier: Cool.
Goodrich: Alright.
Spurrier: And that’s V-I-E-W-doo?
Kyle: Yes, Viewdoo Doll.
Spurrier: Viewdoo.
Goodrich: Viewdoo.
Spurrier: You do.
Goodrich: Cool.
Spurrier: Alright. Got a little friend for Joby.
Goodrich: I tell all you that, that’s cool.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): As long as you let me use it sometimes.
Spurrier: [uneasily] Yeah, perv.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I’ll let you use my little fuzzballs sometimes.
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay, cool.
Kyle: There you go. Teamwork makes the dream work, right?
Goodrich: I throw another one on the ground.
Spurrier: And you-
Kyle: Roll a D8.
Goodrich: Alright. [rolls dice]
Ali: Oh, you have two of them.
Goodrich: I have three per day. The day’s almost over.
Spurrier: You might as well do the other one, too.
Goodrich: Okay, I’ll do the other one. [Rolls dice] I got-
Kyle: It’s a little bit after the morning class. What are you talking about?
Spurrier: You have a full day of friends.
Goodrich: Oh well. I rolled a five and a one.
Kyle: Five and a one. The first one you throw out balloons up and bubbles up over and reveals a giant goat. [Players laugh]
Goodrich: How giant is giant?
Kyle: Uh, it’s large. Like-
Goodrich: Like, when it walks over, people are like “That’s a massive goat!”
Kyle: Yeah, it’s a bigger-than-normal goat.
Goodrich: Okay, okay. [to himself, as if writing] Giant-
Kyle: Yes. And then the third one is just a rat.
Goodrich: A rat.
Kyle: Just a normal rat. Nothing special about it, other than it came out of a small fuzzball.
Goodrich: And it knows kung fu, maybe?
Kyle: Maybe.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: I don’t know. Maybe he’ll have some turtle buddies. We’ll have to see.
Goodrich: Okay, cool.
Kyle: Right now, I don’t think that’ll happen with this.
Ali: Oh, you can speak to animals too, so this is just – this is gonna be fun.
Goodrich: Heck yeah. Read my mind. So speaking of that, for all intents and purposes, they’re normal animals but they just disappear at the end of the day? Or-
Kyle: Yes.
Goodrich: I was just making sure that, like, they’re not some phantasmal-
Kyle: No.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: Not phantasmal.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: Alright. So that’s gonna give you all your wonder toys and everything like that, so, you know what? I think that’s a good place to wrap it up, you each getting your own little treat. We’ll pick up next time in the same place.
Goodrich: Same bard time, same bard channel.
Kyle: That’s right. So thanks again for dropping by and listening. Catch you in two weeks.
[Theme music plays]