Episode 20 – Cera Bellum
[Theme song plays]
Kyle: Hey, everybody. Welcome back to BomBARDed. We are going to be continuing the storyline. So I have Goodrich, Ali, and-
Goodrich: Huh?
Spurrier: Hi, everybody.
(All cheer)
Kyle: [singing] Back in the saddle again.
Goodrich: So who is it that you play? It’s like Ralphie? Rinaldo?
Spurrier: Randall, I believe it is.
Kyle: Ralphie!
Goodrich: No, it’s just Randy.
Spurrier: Just little ol’ Randy.
Goodrich: Just Randy.
Kyle: We’re excited to have Randy back. Let’s go ahead and recap Episode 19, since it happened sooo long ago. So the episode started with Squid being called back by a different voice in all of your head, and Squid retreated through the door. The door closed, which kind of stopped the stream that was pouring through the room that you were standing in. So during this time, Raz’ul, you slipped a stealthy call to Symbol and kind of discussed the events that had been happening, stuff that went on since you’ve kind of split. Symbol saying, “Uh, you know, I’d be remiss if I didn’t advise you just leaving, but I don’t fault you either for being bards of your word and following through with what you promised the miners. Just be careful.” So the bards helped the miners onto their feet. But afterwards, you guys decided, after a short rest, to explore the direction that you heard some fishy footsteps coming from. And that’s where you came into that room that had the – you know, the tiles that spelled out “dummy voyeur.” So from there, you decided to check out the room to your left, which had the sound of a waterfall coming from it, and this is where you discovered a larger chamber with a giant glass dome, and what you believe to be the cause of Basom’s oasis problem. So after that, you rushed back to go find the miners, because you heard a commotion coming from the other side of the closed door. And you arrived back to find that more Gils with slates had appeared in the room; that’s what caused the miners to freak out. And that one was the one that spelled out “breadcrumb cries.” So -- and I believe the Discord figured all that out and-
Spurrier: Yes.
Kyle: -nailed it all down.
Spurrier: Deciphered it a lot better than we did.
Kyle: Cried about-
[Overlapping conversation]
Kyle: That’s okay. Listeners-
Ali: We spent like ten seconds on it.
[Players laugh]
Spurrier: We just smashed one of them.
Goodrich: Oops!
Kyle: And then glued it back together with Gil stuff. So – but if you aren’t aware, you can still figure it out if you don’t know the answer; I’m not going to give it to you.
Goodrich: When we did so, did you mark down that we have Zil’s tears bottled? Because that could be valuable.
Spurrier: I think I did.
Goodrich: Okay. Well, just, you know...
Kyle: If you don’t, put it in your inventory. So—but everyone decided to get up out of that room because it was kinda getting creepy, and you bards took the miners back to check out that sweet waterfall and the problem. This led to some rooting around in the ceiling, just to see what was going on up there. You came across some Gils that were chilling up there, which, you know, you guys didn’t have time for that. So you came to a group conclusion that it’d be easier to try to get up into the source of water and do some strategic explosions rather than blowing up a wall in the third ceiling room. You told the miners, “Hey, you know, we can probably control the flow of the water,” and you performed a song which actually slowed the flow of water and kind of dammed things up.
[Players chuckle]
Kyle: And the miners said, “Well, we can take care of this, but honestly, Squid needs to be taken care of, or this is just going to keep happening.”
Goodrich: Man, one song that I heard just this morning on the radio was that Talking Heads song, the Once in a Lifetime, [sings] “Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down, letting the days go by, water flowing underground.”
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: And like, the way that it is with that synth at the beginning [imitates synthesizer] “Picture yourself!” and I was like, “Aah! It’s like I’m back in the cave with Squid!”
Ali: It’s getting you like pumped up for the game.
Goodrich: Yeah, pretty much.
Kyle: Very relevant. But it was after-
[All laugh]
Kyle: It was after this that you guys were directed by the Gils that had been walking around and doing stuff – they were kind of pointing you in the direction of where to go, and it eventually led you to a large pool chamber area where you encountered Squid, six other Gils, and a large brain.
Goodrich: [with a strong Southern accent] Meat! Meat!
Kyle: Yeah, a large pile of meat.
Ali: Meat boi.
Spurrier: Little meat boi.
Kyle: And this is where you met Cera. And this is kinda when everything comes to a head, and we’re kind of at that moment, so …
Goodrich: Comes to a head?
Spurrier: Nice.
Goodrich: (murmurs) Cera Bellum…
[General groaning]
Kyle: So I guess we’re gonna start the episode with rolling some initiative.
[Goodrich groans]
Spurrier: Oh my.
Goodrich: Welcome back, Spurrier!
Spurrier: Yeah, I was just going to say.
[Multiple dice rolls]
Goodrich: And Kyle, what’s Jermaine’s situation?
Kyle: You don’t know.
Goodrich: Oh jeez.
Spurrier: Naked and alone.
Goodrich: All by himself in the other room.
Spurrier: Just what he wanted.
Ali: Right. Well, I got a-
Kyle: Yeah, Ali, what’d you get?
Ali: Sixteen.
Kyle: Randy, what you get?
Spurrier: Eighteen plus three.
Kyle: Goodrich?
Goodrich: I got a fifteen plus nada.
Kyle: Alright. And for the purposes of Zil, Randy, you’ll just be able to control Zil on your turn.
Spurrier: Okay.
Goodrich: Oh, that’s right.
Kyle: You let me know what you want him to do.
Goodrich: And are you still riding Zil?
Spurrier: Uhh, definitely.
[Players laugh]
Goodrich: Okay.
Spurrier: Always and forever.
Goodrich: Alright. You’re like a freakin’ jousting match over here.
Spurrier: Yeah.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: Now, just to describe what’s going on: again, this is a room with a large pool in it. There is a perimeter around there that you can walk. If you go through the water, it is going to be difficult terrain. The Gils are lined up in front of Cera in a staggered formation, and Squid is off to the left, hovering above the water a little bit next to Cera.
Goodrich: So Cera Bellum is the brain meat creature?
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Okay. The voice was a disembodied voice that we don’t know where it’s coming from?
Kyle: I mean, yeah. That's Cera though.
Goodrich: So Cera refers to themself in the third person?
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Oh!
Spurrier: They can do what they want.
Goodrich: That’s fair.
Spurrier: They’re a giant brain.
Goodrich: Well, yeah, I know. It just, you know …
Ali: And Squid’s just up there, hanging out like, watching?
Kyle: Yeah, just floating nearby.
Ali: -- little audience, like watching the scene.
Kyle: Yeah.
[Ali snickers]
Kyle: So we start off-
Ali: Rude.
[Players giggle]
Kyle: Randy is the first one in the initiative order.
Goodrich: Oh boy.
Spurrier: Does Zil – I mean, is Zil affected by the difficult terrain as well?
Kyle: You wouldn’t imagine they are, because they are amphibious, so…
Spurrier: Okay, cool.
Kyle: No. Why not?
Spurrier: Alright.
Goodrich: You can ride him like a freakin’ dolphin.
Spurrier: I was gonna say.
Goodrich: [laughs] Free Willy!
Kyle: What’s that Daniel Radcliffe movie?
Spurrier: Oh, Swiss-
Kyle: Swiss Army Man
Goodrich: Swiss Army Man
Spurrier: Farting along.
Goodrich: Yeah.
[Everyone laughs]
Spurrier: Oh, Zil ho. I’m gonna keep that in my back pocket. For now though, since this is uncharted territory, I’m just gonna shoot at Cera Bellum with my bow.
Kyle: Okay. Go ahead and roll me an attack roll.
[Dice roll]
Spurrier: Off to a roaring start, that is a two plus six.
Kyle: Hey!
Goodrich: You’re just getting back into it.
Spurrier: Yeah, I was just gonna say.
Goodrich: No one can fault you that.
Kyle: That is going to miss.
Spurrier: Yup.
Kyle: So anything with your movement? You gonna stay where you are? Again, you can command Zil to do what you want on your turn, so …
Spurrier: I’m just gonna stay safely on Zil for right now.
Kyle: Okay.
Spurrier: That’ll do it.
Kyle: Okay. Well, that will take us to – it’ll actually take us to a layer action that Cera is going to take. And Randy, I am gonna need you to give me a charisma saving throw, please.
Spurrier: Okay. [Rolls dice] So glad I’m a halfling! That was a one. Let’s reroll that again.
Kyle: Okay, go right ahead.
Spurrier: I’m gonna try rolling with my other hand.
Goodrich: I was gonna say, roll with your non-cast hand.
Spurrier: Yeah, let’s try that again. [Rolls dice] Okay, that’s better. That is an eight plus four.
[Goodrich giggles]
Kyle: Okay. So you fire this bolt off, and then all of a sudden, you feel this sensation just overcome you and you can’t – it’s like you are stuck in place. Like, it’s not like you’re frozen or paralyzed, but it’s just that you can’t move out of the area you’re in.
Spurrier: So like my body can move, but I can’t leave the area?
Kyle: Yeah.
Spurrier: Okay, cool.
Kyle: You’re like stuck in the area that you’re in. So …
Goodrich: You’re like Michael Jackson doing the lean he does in the Smooth Criminal video.
Spurrier: There we go. Yeah, exactly.
Ali: Ah!
Kyle: Absolutely. Okay. It is Squid’s turn in the initiative. Squid is going to float over past the Gils and-
Ali: Oof.
Kyle: -- right up to little Randy and make a tentacle attack.
[Dice roll]
Goodrich: With his face?
Kyle: Yeah.
[All laugh]
Kyle: Yeah, he’s just gonna go and like whip at you with his tentacles and go [growls].
Spurrier: [groans]
Kyle: And a sixteen hits you?
Spurrier: Just barely.
Kyle: Just barely.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: Squid comes up to you and begins to have their tentacles go all over your face –
Spurrier: [groans]
Kyle: And you feel it’s very slimy, very uncomfortable.
Goodrich: The little suckers stick on?
Kyle: Yeah, they stick on there.
[Someone makes kissing sounds]
Kyle: And you feel that same sensation like you had felt when you got like psychic blasted and everything.
Spurrier: Oh, right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kyle: And-
Goodrich: This isn’t like Squid giving Randy a kiss, is it? Is this how they kiss?
Kyle: No.
Spurrier: A mental kiss.
Kyle: Yeah, a kiss like you would get from-
Goodrich: An octopus?
Kyle: -a xenomorph.
Goodrich: Right.
Kyle: So because it makes contact with your face, you are considered grappled, which-
[Goodrich laughs]
Kyle: -if you want to escape that, you can on your turn when it comes back around. So it …
Spurrier: So I’m grappled in addition to not being able to leave the area that I’m in?
Kyle: Yes.
Goodrich: On top of Zil.
Spurrier: On top of Zil.
Kyle: Yes.
Ali: But that also means that Squid is, like, stuck where he is too, right? Because –
Kyle: Yeah. I mean, well, Squid could technically – you can drag somebody using half of your movement.
Ali: Because he’s got multiple tentacles.
Kyle: Well, yeah. They’re using all four to latch on.
Ali: Oh, okay. So-
Spurrier: Ah.
Ali: -no available tentacles.
Kyle: No available tentacles. Can only do it to one person at a time.
Spurrier: Well, well, well.
Kyle: Astute observation. And that is going to end Squid’s turn, which takes us to Yashee.
Ali: Oh!
Kyle: What do?
Ali: And I’m right next to Randy?
Kyle: Yes.
Ali: Okay. Since Squid is like suction-attached to him, I think I’m gonna take out my maul and just give him a whack. I’ll be like –
Ali (as Yashee): Hey, leave him alone!
Ali: I’m just gonna try to smack him right on his head, just like a bop! Like, “Get outta here!” Bap!
Goodrich: Bad Squid! Bad Squid!
Kyle: Then give me an attack roll. And since he’s in a grapple, you would have advantage.
Spurrier: Nice!
[Dice roll]
Goodrich: You have advantage. It’s cool, it’s cool.
Ali: Oh, okay, cuz that was a two.
Kyle: Yeah, go ahead, roll again for me.
Ali: Alright, let’s try that one more time. Come on! [Rolls dice] Okay, that is a twelve plus six.
Kyle: Okay, that is going to hit.
Ali: Alrighty, that’s a 2D6, so let’s see. [Rolls dice] Okay. A six plus one plus my strength is ten.
Kyle: Okay. So you go for this attack, and while you do make contact, Squid maneuvers in a way to where you miss his head and you wind up hitting part of the breastplate that they’re wearing. Still do damage, but you miss the head, of course. If you get that critical hit, we’ll talk.
Goodrich: [Laughs] Come back and see me.
Kyle: Yeah. Anything else in your turn?
Ali: Um…how deep is the water?
Kyle: Where the Gils are standing looks like it’s probably, you know, three to four feet, but underneath where Cera is looks like it gets significantly deeper.
Ali: Ah, okay. I’m just gonna stay where I am for now.
Kyle: Okay, excellent. Well, that’s your turn. Raz’ul?
Goodrich: Okay! Well, so I see Squid go over and give Randy this disgusting kiss, and I’m going to just react. I’m close by enough, I guess, to just-
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: -walk over.
Kyle: Yeah, you can do that.
Goodrich: Now, I want to just use Usumptin, just to try to chop off Squid’s tentacles-
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: -just so that he can’t do this to Randy or anyone else.
Spurrier: Or anyone.
Goodrich: So … [Rolls dice] well, five plus six, so eleven for my attack roll.
Kyle: Unfortunately, that does not hit.
Goodrich: Booo.
Kyle: You move around to try to get a swing on Squid, and they seem to maneuver, like take a step forward, pushing Randy back just enough to where, nah, you miss.
Goodrich: Maybe Squid’s so gross too, I just get up close, I’m like-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Aaah, gross!
Kyle: “It’s nasty. I don’t actually want my axe to touch it.”
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No, Usumptin, you stay over here.
Ali: You don’t use your axe as an axe very often.
[All laugh]
Ali: Whooooa!
Goodrich: It’s just like us doing this. We haven’t done this in forever! [All laugh] So meta. Okay.
Kyle: Okay. So that takes us to Cera’s turn in battle. So Cera is gonna take one of those large tendrils and swing it at Raz’ul.
Goodrich: It can reach all the way over here?
Kyle: Oh yeah, it’s a loooong one.
Spurrier: Gross.
Kyle: This long one goes right over the Gils and right towards you. [Rolls dice] And-
Goodrich: Misses!
Kyle: Actually, it does not.
Goodrich: Ohhhh!
Kyle: It gets you, and you wind up taking twenty bludgeoning damage.
Goodrich: Whohohoooa! What?
Ali: Oh no!
Spurrier: Wow.
Kyle: And this large tendril, like, wracks into your side, kinda pushes you forward just slightly, but then wraps around you, and you are considered grappled.
Goodrich: Jeez.
Kyle: And it is going to take another action, and it is going to try to do the same thing to Yashee. [Rolls dice] And it is going to hit Yashee as well-
Ali: Oh no.
Kyle: -for eighteen damage, bludgeoning damage.
Spurrier: Oh man.
Kyle: And you are grappled as well.
Goodrich: Delightful.
Kyle: And it’s at this point, as you two are being grappled, that you hear Cera say-
Kyle (as Cera Bellum): Squid, you are too weak. You are not able to permeate these minds and do what is necessary for the Illithid. Witness the power!
Kyle: And there is this wave that just echoes out from it.
Goodrich: Not a water wave but-
Kyle: Not a water wave, a psychic wave. Much like what Squid did. And same result: You guys don’t seem affected by it at all, and, you know, your necks light up a little bit, your instruments light up a little bit. And Cera is kind of dumbfounded at this moment, or – if a brain could look dumbfounded.
Goodrich: Right. I was gonna say. We can feel its dumbfoundedness.
Kyle: Yeah. You sense it in a way. You’re just like, “What? Nothing happened.”
Ali: It’s a little droopy.
Kyle: And, yeah. The tentacles actually kind of slacken a little bit, which I am going to say, if you’re going to try to break the grapple on this, you will have advantage-
Goodrich: Alright!
Kyle: -against it. So … but that brings us to the Gils, which – there are two in the back that are wearing these kind of muddy robes and they have scepters. And they begin what looks like casting a spell. And you see this bright light emit around both Squid and around Cera. And you can tell there’s some kind of – looks like a protection spell of sorts. But those are those two movements. There are two that had those reach-and-go sticks that I was talking about, and they make their way up to Zil, and they actually try to grab – I guess there’s only one arm for Zil. So one grabs one arm, one tries to, I guess, grab their shoulder and-
Goodrich: Give him a hug and-
[Dice roll]
Kyle: Yeah, they get some damage in on Zil-
Ali: No!
Kyle: -which I’m keeping track of that; you don’t have to worry about that, Spurrier.
Spurrier: Oh, okay. Cool.
Kyle: And Zil is considered grappled as well.
Spurrier: Oh my.
Kyle: And two – the other two Gils come up to both Yashee and Raz’ul for an attack – [rolls dice] – since you’re there. First one misses – [rolls dice] -- and those guys don’t do too good. So … but that’s the end of the Gils’ turn and the end of the round, so we’re gonna go back to the top. Randy, you’re being grappled right now. Even though Squid was hit by Yashee, you’re still under the grapple. So …
Spurrier: Right.
Kyle: You can try to do whatever.
Spurrier: Just enjoy being grappled for a while.
Kyle: Yeah.
Spurrier: Really savor this kiss.
[All laugh]
Goodrich: You can kiss back.
Spurrier: I can [audible tongue waggle].
Goodrich: Oh jeez.
Spurrier: So what would be my – like, what would I be doing for getting out of this grapple?
Kyle: You basically give me a strength or a dexterity check, if you want to use acrobatics to try to wriggle your way out.
Spurrier: ooh, let’s do the acrobatics and be all wriggly and stuff. Alright. [Rolls dice] That is a fourteen plus nine.
Kyle: Okay, yeah. No, you are able to break the grapple. How would you break the grapple with suction cups being on your face?
Spurrier: Well, since I’m savoring the kiss, I – he’s probably not expecting it, so I stick my tongue out and really get around in there.
[Players laugh]
Ali: Prime him!
Spurrier: Freaks him out. So my tongue does most of the acrobatics.
[All laugh]
Kyle: Okay, okay.
Spurrier: And I’m free!
Goodrich: “And I’m free!”
Spurrier: I’m back, baby.
Kyle: You just-
Goodrich: Squid’s never been kissed like this before. He’s like “Aaah.”
Kyle: It’s so foreign. Yeah, no. Squid makes this revolting sound, is just like-
Kyle (as Squid): Aaargh! What are you doing?
Goodrich: Do we see this, or is this like their little secret?
Kyle: Well, you can’t really see it because there’s like webbing around his face, so you don’t see that happen.
Spurrier: It’s a personal moment.
Kyle: But yeah, Squid pulls back, and the suction cups like “pop-pop-pop” off your face.
Spurrier: Sweet.
Kyle: And you’re just standing on top of Zil with your tongue sticking out.
Spurrier: Bleh.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: So…
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Randy, what did you do to get out of there? Let us know. How do we do it?
Spurrier (as Randy): Expressed myself.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh.
Spurrier (as Randy): Used the-
Spurrier: Well, he probably wouldn’t – it probably wouldn’t work again, because he’s been kissed.
Goodrich: Oh, I just meant “he did what?”
Spurrier: So because of the thing that Cera Bellum did, what actions am I allowed to do or not allowed to do? I just can’t move, or…
Kyle: Yeah, you can’t move.
Spurrier: But I could just do anything else?
Kyle: Yeah.
Spurrier: Okay.
Kyle: However, breaking a grapple takes your action for the turn, so you still have bonus action, but you can’t move, so…
Spurrier: Oh, okay. Well, yeah, since all my bonus actions are about moving, I guess I’ll just chill. So…
Kyle: Yeah. Nothing wrong with chillin’.
Spurrier: Yeah.
Goodrich: Stare back into Squid’s eyes.
Spurrier: I was gonna say, look longingly. So…
Kyle: Well, what about Zil? What do you want to do with Zil?
Spurrier: Oh, right. Is Zil allowed to move? Like, how does that affect – since I’m on top of him?
Kyle: You have to command him and find out. You’re not sure.
Spurrier: Right. Does Zil have any weapons at this point?
Goodrich: You said he had a spear, I think.
Kyle: Yeah, he’s got a spear.
Spurrier: He still has that?
Kyle: Yeah, still.
Ali: But his hand’s grappled, right?
Kyle: Their hand is grappled.
Spurrier: So Zil would have to break free of a grapple too?
Kyle: Yes.
Spurrier: Well, let’s just go ahead and try it.
Kyle: Okay.
Spurrier: This has kind of been a grapple-themed party so far.
Kyle: Do you want to roll for Zil?
Spurrier: Sure.
Kyle: Yeah, go for it.
Spurrier: And you’ll just add whatever modifiers? Okay. [Rolls dice)
Kyle: I’ll make it appropriate.
Spurrier: That is an eight plus something.
Ali: Alright!
Kyle: Zil is trying to wriggle their arm free, but is unable to get it out of that reach-and-grab stick, and it’s just kind of wiggling around, and the other Gil is holding it on real tight.
Spurrier: Ah well.
Goodrich: [makes buzzer sound]
Kyle: So that’s going to be that.
Ali: And while he’s wiggling it, a spear like sticks into … (laughter) Oops!
Goodrich: Oopsies!
Ali: No, no.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: Well, unable to break the grapple. But we will go to Squid, who is, again, still kind of disgusted and grossed out with you sticking your tongue in their … mouth?
Spurrier: In their general direction.
Ali: Yeah.
Goodrich: So he rolls at disadvantage now, right?
Kyle: No.
Goodrich: Aww.
Kyle: You don’t know.
Goodrich: You don’t know.
Kyle (as Squid): That was … that was unpleasant. Um…
Kyle: And …
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What’s he talking about?
Spurrier (as Randy): You’re the one who initiated it.
Kyle: He notices that Raz’ul is bound up in Cera’s tendrils, be like-
Kyle (as Squid): Easier target! Alright!
Kyle: -and is going to go for an attack on you – [rolls dice] – ugh – and tries to lunge forward. And the fact that you’re grappled doesn’t seem to matter at all. It just, like, totally misses. Like, the tendril from Cera is wrapping around you, and when they go in to do the face-hug thing, it winds up hitting part of the tendril and it’s just like [grunts]. Alright. So that’s gonna be Squid’s turn. We’re gonna go to Yashee.
Ali: Alright. Well, Yashee’s getting pissed.
Goodrich: Uh-oh.
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: You know, seeing her friends getting attacked, even if you did get away. I didn’t like that you had to, you know, use your tongue and-
Spurrier: It was fine.
Ali: -take that. Yeah, well, Yashee wasn’t happy about it.
[Players laugh]
Ali: So-
Ali (as Yashee): [raging] I’m gonna rage!
Kyle: So bonus action to rage?
Ali: Yeah. So I’m going to rage and try to get out of this grapple. I have an advantage on strength checks.
Kyle: Alright. So you can go ahead and roll that strength check at advantage.
Ali: Alright.
Goodrich: Does she have like double advantage because of –
Kyle: No, you can’t do that.
Goodrich: Oh, okay.
Kyle: Yeah, it’s unfortunate. I wish there was a way, yeah. Stack an advantage.
[Dice roll]
Goodrich: [in announcer voice] Tr-tr-triple advantage!
Ali: Got a seventeen plus three, Kyle.
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: But, you know what? I mean, I do have advantage. Let me just roll again, just to make sure. [Goodrich makes appreciative sounds in the background]
Kyle: Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you have it, why not?
Ali: A seventeen plus three again.
[Everyone cheers]
Ali: The Fates have chosen my number.
Kyle: Yeah. You’re totally able to break the grapple on this thing.
Ali: Okay. Can I tell you how I break the grapple?
Kyle: Yes, you can.
Ali: Alright. So as I’m grappled, I start thinking back like-
Ali (as Yashee): How could I get out of this grapple?
Ali: And I think back to when we were grappled earlier, and I remember Wimpy grabbing the tentacle and like tearing it in half.
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: And so that’s what I want to do.
Kyle: Let’s say this is a much larger tentacle.
Ali: I’ve got much bigger hands.
Kyle: You do.
Goodrich: And you’re raging too, right?
Kyle: You know what? Let’s have fun with it. You’re able to get a good grab on it to start unraveling it and breaking the grapple. Give me another strength check – yes, at advantage, ‘cause you’re raging – to see how hard you pull. I just gotta see if this is gonna work out.
[Dice roll]
Ali: A sixteen plus three, or [rolls dice] a fourteen plus three.
Kyle: Okay, yeah. You’re able to pull – and you squeeze and you’re trying to make it break, and pull as hard as you can.
Ali (as Yashee): [raging, distorted growls]
Kyle: Oh jeez, yes.
Ali (as Yashee): [raging] Disgusting.
Kyle: And you pinch it really hard, and roll me a – you know what? Roll me a D8 and add your strength.
Goodrich: I’ll just say, this time, we hear a “brr?”
[Dice roll]
Ali: Six plus three.
Kyle: So you grab real hard and you start pulling, and you’re only able to make a small cut, like – not even a cut, I guess, because you’re just ripping it apart. So you do some damage, but you’re not able to get all the way through the tentacle. But you are freed of the grapple so that you’re no longer in that for your next turn come around, and you’re raging.
Ali: Okay. Well, in that case, I can use dash as a bonus action-
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: -when raging because of my totem spirit.
Kyle: Alright. What are you doing?
Ali: So I’m just gonna – I’m not gonna go far, cuz I, you know, wanna stay here to help, but I’m just gonna kinda slip to the side, maybe to the side of the Gil that’s kind of in front of us?
Kyle: Okay, yeah. The one that attacked Raz’ul earlier?
Ali: Just getting in position to do what I need to do.
Kyle: That does move you out of Squid’s threat range, so that’s an attack of opportunity.
Ali: Aww!
Kyle: So [rolls dice] …
Ali: Because I’m raging, remember, I do – you have disadvantage on the opportunity attacks.
Kyle: That’s a totem thing?
Ali: That is a totem thing.
[Dice roll]
Goodrich: You totem, Ali.
Kyle: If you see critical misses happen, this is what happens.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: Squid lunges towards you and trips over the tentacle that you’d just broken free from.
Goodrich (as Squid): I’m having the worst day ever!
Kyle: It’s tripped over and basically like fallen prone, even though they were levitating.
Ali: That smooch really messed him up, Spurrier. He is confused.
[Overlapping conversation and laughter]
Spurrier: Once you’ve had Randy, you’re feeling so dandy.
[Players laugh]
Goodrich: That or you just have really bad breath.
Spurrier: Oh, that too. Totally both.
Goodrich (as Squid): The breath was so bad, but the kiss was sooo good! Mmm!
Kyle: Alright, so … but that’ll wrap up your turn in that event. Raz’ul, what you doing?
Goodrich: Can I – am I able to cast a spell, like, if I don’t use my instrument, like kinda how Randy did in-
Kyle: No, I made a mistake. That was a lapse in my knowledge of the rules, and I’m going to try to correct that going forward. So-
Spurrier: Poor you.
Kyle: -unfortunately, if you’re grappled, you’re considered incapacitated, which means you can’t take actions or reactions. So the only action you can really take is breaking the grapple.
Goodrich: Got-cha.
Kyle: Yeah, sorry. Sorry, listeners. I’m working on it.
Goodrich: Well, Randy’s like a little halfling, so he got some meta luck and was like “ooh, thanks Kyle.”
Spurrier: That’s what I was gonna say. Yup.
Kyle: Yeah. Me being dumb is meta luck. That’s right.
[Players laugh]
Goodrich: Alright. Well then, I need to break the grapple then. So [rolls dice] that would be eleven plus three plus Jack of All Trades, so fifteen. And I’m gonna say – is it cool if I just say “JOAT” for Jack of All Trades"?
Ali: The JOAT! I was thinking that.
Kyle: That JOAT!
Ali: He’s the JOAT.
Kyle: Yeah, absolutely.
Goodrich: So I got the JOAT. So fifteen and then [rolls dice] oh, thirteen plus three plus Joat! So that’d be seventeen.
Kyle: Yeah, no. That definitely beats it.
Goodrich: Sweet!
Kyle: You beat it on both accounts.
Goodrich: Awesome!
Kyle: So you are free from the grapple, and you have movement if you want to move. Again, remember that there is a Gil near you, so you are in a threatened range if you leave that.
Goodrich: Alright. Well, I’m not gonna leave that. I’m just gonna – I don’t know. Maybe all this excitement’s giving me gas.
[Everyone laughs]
Goodrich: I just toot in my hand and I waft it up to Squid’s face, because he’s like floating in the air, right?
Kyle: Yeah. He’s kind of fallen-over floating.
Goodrich: So that’s what I do, and say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Heh heh heh.
Ali: What a bad day for Squid.
Goodrich: He’s having the worst day ever.
Ali (as Squid): I don’t know what’s gonna go wrong.
Goodrich: That’s all I do, and I stay where I am.
Kyle: That’s disgusting.
Goodrich: You’re disgusting.
Kyle: No, I’m not the one shoving farts in people’s faces.
Goodrich: You’re the one kissing Randy with a squid.
Kyle: Randy tongued Squid.
Spurrier: Yeah, I mean, I definitely reciprocated, so ...
Goodrich: Okay, well.
Kyle: It’s true. You’re disgusting.
Spurrier: We can all be disgusting.
Kyle: Yeah, we’re all just nasty bard people.
Goodrich: We’re all just giddy that Spurrier’s back.
Kyle: That’s really what it is. Okay, so Cera’s turn. Gonna go for some tentacle hits. [Rolls dice] Nope. [Rolls dice] No. Okay. So yeah. The tentacles sweep at both of you. You – Raz’ul, one sweeps at you, and this is where you kind of bend over to kinda waft that fart right into Squid’s face.
Goodrich: [Laughing] Yes. That’s when I bend over to gather the fart.
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali: Perfect.
Kyle: And then it goes right over you. And Yashee, one goes for you as well, but you’ve moved around, and you kind of maneuver your way over it, and your dexterity allows you to avoid being hit by the tentacle. And so we’re at the Gils. I know the Gil holding onto Zil is going to go for a bite – [rolls dice] No, that’s not gonna hit – and the other one’s still gonna try to grapple it which [rolls dice] didn’t hit either. These –
Goodrich: Sucked.
Kyle: Okay. Different dice, different dice. It’s fine.
Ali: So this battle’s over, right?
Kyle: Yeah, right?
Goodrich: And we run away.
Kyle: The two Gils that are in robes, they begin casting a similar-looking spell, and out from their area, these spirits start to whirl around them. And they just stay in their area, but you – they look like they’re protective spirits, like they’re gonna help them out. And then the two other Gils that aren’t holding onto Zil are gonna attack Raz’ul and Yashee. [Rolls dice] Nope.
Goodrich: What the heck?
Kyle: I know, I know! Dice not working for me today. [Rolls dice] And that one is going to get Raz’ul.
Goodrich: Oh jeez.
Ali: Oh! Sorry.
Kyle: So you’re gonna take … yeah, nine damage. It’s not bad. You take nine piercing damage as one of them catches you in the side as you’re breaking out of the grapple.
[Goodrich audibly winces]
Kyle: So that’s Cera and the Gils. That’s the end of the round, so let’s go to the top with Randy.
Spurrier: Alright. Well, since Squid’s just lying prone on the ground, that means I can do my sneak attack on him, right, because-
Kyle: Yeah.
Spurrier: -he’s within five feet?
Kyle: Yeah, you’d have advantage. Yeah.
Spurrier: Cool! Well, yeah. So I just look down at Squid and say-
Spurrier (as Randy): It was a lovely moment, but it’s time … it’s time to move on.
Goodrich: We’ll always have the cave.
Spurrier: We’ll always have the cave kiss. So yeah. I’m gonna attack him with my rapier and do a sneak attack.
Kyle: Okay. Go ahead and roll at advantage because they’re prone.
Spurrier: Alright. [rolls dice] So that first one was a five plus six, and let’s try that again.
Kyle: Okay.
[Dice roll]
Spurrier: That is a fifteen plus six.
Ali: Yeees!
Spurrier: Hurray!
Kyle: Okay, yeah. You hit.
Spurrier: Cool.
Kyle: So go ahead and roll me some damage.
Spurrier: So that’ll be 1D8 plus 2D6 plus 3, so if someone wants to roll a 1D6 along with me.
Goodrich: I gotcha.
Spurrier: Thank you.
[Dice roll]
Goodrich: Oooh!
Ali: Oh, very nice.
Spurrier: So that is a six, an eight, a two, plus three. Nineteen.
Kyle: Alright.
Ali: Bye, Squid.
Spurrier: Bye.
[All laugh]
Kyle: Yeah. You catch him after falling over trying to get after Yashee, and you take advantage of this opportunity. And you get him right in the side, right under where the ribs would be.
Ali: Aww.
Kyle: And you hear like –
Ali: It tickles a little but also hurt a little. Ow.
Spurrier (as Randy): Enjoy the kiss of my rapier.
[All laugh]
Goodrich: E tu, Randy?
Spurrier: Yes.
Kyle: Okay. And that will take us to … to the layer action. The brain is going to emit this psionic ability to Squid, and Squid, after being stabbed, turns and looks at you, Randy, and you can see this glint of determination in their eye. And guess whose turn it is?
Goodrich: Squid!
Kyle: Squid’s turn.
Spurrier: Great, great, great.
Kyle: Squid is going to get up, and he is very upset about being stabbed, and actually rips one of the spears away from one of the other Gils and just goes to stab at you in rage, in anger.
Goodrich: A lovers’ quarrel. You’re having a row.
[Dice roll]
Kyle: And that’s actually gonna hit. That’s a twenty.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Spurrier: yeah.
Kyle: So you take eight damage as you get prodded in the gut. And you hear Eddie even go-
Kyle (as Eddie): Ow.
[Various wincing sounds from the players]
Kyle: That’s gonna be Squid’s turn, and that takes us to Yashee.
Ali: Alright. Well, I know I kind of set myself up to attack this Gil, but I think it’s time to try to get at Cera up there.
Goodrich: Yeah!
Ali: So I’m pretty far away still, so I think I’m gonna take out one of my javelins actually and try to chunk it at Cera. Is there a point on Cera that looks maybe more vulnerable?
Kyle: No, nothing really stands out.
Ali: Okay. Then I’ll go right for the heart of the brain, right in the crease, the fold.
Goodrich: Right for the cerebellum, maybe. Errr.
Kyle: Okay. So you go to make this attack, and when you do, those spiritual guardians that came out of those priestly-looking Gils, they come up and they kind of get in your face, and they really berate you in ways.
[Players snicker]
Ali: Verbally?
Kyle: Yeah. I need you to make me a wisdom saving throw, because you’re starting your turn within the area of the spirit guardians.
Ali: Alright. (rolls dice) That is a fourteen plus nothing.
Kyle: Okay. Well, fourteen actually meets it, so I still get to roll damage because you’re only gonna take half. So good job.
(Multiple dice rolls)
Ali: That’s too many dice. Oh no!
Goodrich: Keeps rolling.
Kyle: So you take seven damage.
Ali: Okay.
Spurrier: Phew.
Kyle: It’s a kind of radiant damage, looks a little gray in color, but you can tell it’s not evil.
Goodrich: Duh?
Kyle: You can go ahead and make your attack, but before you do, they also had cast Sanctuary before, so I need you to roll another wisdom saving throw.
Ali: Oh my gosh. (Rolls dice) That’s a six.
Spurrier: Wow.
Kyle: Okay. That’s not gonna cut it, so ...
Ali: That’s fair.
Kyle: But you’re in the pullback of throwing your spear, like you’re almost on the verge of being able to do it, but then something just – you can’t. You can’t. And it’s -- pretty visibly, you two, Randy and Raz’ul, you kind of like “what?”
Goodrich: So we see this, and we’re like, "What’s up with Yashee?”
Spurrier: Yeah.
Kyle: Yeah.
Spurrier: Okay, interesting.
Kyle: You can attack someone else if you’d like, or not attack at all.
Ali: Well, I guess I’m next to that Gil still, so …
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali: Do I wanna hit a Gil? [Goodrich laughs] Can I just … can I just like push him down?
[Everyone laughs]
Goodrich: Playground rules.
Ali: Yeah. Just like knock him into the water.
Kyle: You just want to push. You know what?
Ali: I’ll kick him, if that’s better.
Kyle: Yeah. Just give me a strength check.
Ali: Okay. I do have advantage on strength checks.
Kyle: There you go.
Ali: Woohoo!
Kyle: Give me a strength check.
Spurrier: Reaching.
[Dice roll]
Ali: So that’s an eleven plus four. And the second roll … [rolls dice] it’s an eighteen plus four.
Spurrier: Nice. Be nice.
Goodrich: The Gil skins his knee as you push him.
Ali: Right into the water, where you belong, you fish boy.
[Dice roll]
Goodrich: And he starts crying, and the recess leader comes over and is like “Yashee!”
Ali: Blows the whistle.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: Yeah, no. You shove the heck out of this Gil and they just go flying forward into the water.
Ali: He doesn’t like get pushed into one of the other Gils and they all get knocked over?
[Players laugh]
Kyle: No. You push him down, he goes about ten feet. He’s prone. So from Yashee we go to Raz’ul. And you are also in that fifteen-foot range, so I need you to go ahead, give me a wisdom saving throw for the potential damage you may take.
[Dice roll]
Goodrich: Not great. That’s a four plus five for a nine.
Kyle: Okay. You’ll take the full damage [Goodrich sighs] of these boys [Multiple dice rolls] and spirits.
Spurrier: So many spirits.
Goodrich: Jeez.
Kyle: You take ten radiant damage.
Goodrich: Golly! I’m down to two!
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali: This is when we start hearing a (imitates alarm sound).
Goodrich: Yeah.
Ali: Where’s that sound coming from?
Goodrich: Oh jeez. Okay. It’s my turn to attack though, right?
Kyle: Yeah, it is your turn to attack.
Goodrich: Okay. So my first thing is to say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, maybe we should try something a little bit more. I’m not feeling so great, you know.
Ali (as Yashee): [raging] I was doing my best, okay? It’s all I could manage.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No, that’s fair. It’s a moral dilemma for sure, but...
Goodrich: Okay. So … but okay, now I’m going to cast Moonbeam as a third-level spell, and I’m gonna cast it on the brain. I guess – you said I saw that Yashee kind of freaked out for a second when she tried to cast it?
Kyle: Yes.
Goodrich: Okay. So Raz’ul’s gonna try something different, just after seeing that – and I’ve kinda been wanting to do this anyway, so – and instead of doing the Moonbeam song – which, again, was just for funsies anyways – Raz’ul’s going to look over at the brain and he’s gonna say –
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright, that’s it!
Kyle: Before you do-
Goodrich: Oh.
Kyle: -give me a wisdom saving throw to see if you can.
Goodrich: Jeepers. [Rolls dice] Alright, that’s better. That’s an eighteen plus five.
Kyle: Okay, yeah.
Goodrich: So feeling good, I’m feeling fresh.
Spurrier: Nice.
Goodrich: No, I’m not. Feeling terrible. So I look over at the brain and I say –
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): In the name of the moon, I will punish you!
[Players laugh]
Goodrich: And so then the camera does that little orbit pan, like it does in Sailor Moon, around Raz’ul.
Kyle: Around a bloodied, beaten Raz’ul.
Goodrich: [Laughing] Yes. And I’m gonna say – and I hold up Usumptin and I say –
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Mooooonbeeeeam Magic!
Goodrich: -you know how she like holds up her tiara?
Kyle: Yes. Beautiful.
Goodrich: Well that’s what I do. And then I cast Moonbeam on this brain. And that’s – Raz’ul’s feeling it, so … yeah.
Kyle: Okay. So do you want to do damage now, or do you want to have damage start at the beginning of their turn?
Goodrich: I want to do it now, if that’s cool.
Kyle: Okay. Yeah.
Goodrich: So I’m gonna roll it up. 2D10 says [rolls dice] … oh wow, seven and a nine, so sixteen. So eight.
Kyle: Not bad. Okay. So you’re casting Moonbeam in a different fashion. How about you tell me how it differs in appearance?
Goodrich: Right. So just different – I was hoping, if this is cool with you, Kyle, that it’s still like the shaft, but it’s – instead of it just being like pale moonlight, it’s like green, kinda like Sailor Jupiter’s, maybe.
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: -‘cause of like the nature and stuff. And plus, Sailor Jupiter’s the coolest, I think, and...
Kyle: Alright.
Goodrich: But yeah, you know, sparkly and kinda shimmery and…
Kyle: Bedazzled?
Goodrich: Well, yeah, and just more kinda sparkly –
Spurrier: Razzled.
Goodrich: -- and razzle-dazzle. Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Kyle: There you go. So it looks like that.
Goodrich: Yes! Perfect. And Raz’ul’s just like –
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Whoa.
Kyle: It’s all the razzle-dazzle that seems to rub up against the brain and kind of caused the damage this time.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: It’s like giving it a scrub-a-dub a little bit with all its dazzliness.
Goodrich: And when Raz’ul does that, I do the pose that Sailor Moon does: I put my hand on my hip and do the three fingers, like “uhh!”
Ali: Except you’re also like –
Goodrich: Dying.
(Everyone laughs)
Kyle: Like blood dripping from your nose or something. But yeah, that wraps up your turn, unless you want to use movement.
Goodrich: Uh, no. No.
Ali: He just falls down.
Goodrich: I just fall over.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That’s all I got.
Kyle: Okay. It is the brain’s turn. And before, it had been swiping its tentacle left and right. This time, it just comes up and it looks like it’s gonna go for a slam on you.
Ali: Oh gosh.
Goodrich: (groans)
Kyle: So Yashee, it is going to try to slam one down on you [rolls dice] and –
Ali: Welcome to the slam.
Goodrich: Yeah. Hey, Spurrier.
Kyle: Twelve meets your AC, I believe, right?
Ali: Yep.
Kyle: Okay. You’re gonna take [two dice rolls] – you’re only gonna take five damage.
Ali: What kind of damage is it?
Kyle: Bludgeoning.
Ali: Okay. I do have resistance to that, since I’m raging still.
Kyle: Okay, so half rounded down is two damage.
Ali: Woohoo.
Kyle: But yeah, it comes down and slams and hits your shoulder. It kinda knocks you off balance a little bit, but you’re able to maintain your step. And that’s going to be its one attack, but it does have another legendary action it can take with another tentacle, which is gonna go for a similar slam attack on Randy.
Goodrich: Oh, thank goodness.
(Dice roll)
Spurrier: Great.
Kyle: And that’s going to hit with a twenty-four.
Spurrier: Uh, yeah.
Kyle: So [two dice rolls] and you are going to take way more damage –
Spurrier: Awesome.
Kyle: Not way more. You’re only taking ten damage.
Spurrier: Oh, phew. Alright.
Kyle: But yeah. So for those rules lawyers at home that know the Elderbrain tile, yes, I’m making up my own moves, cuz I wanna do that.
[Players laugh]
Goodrich: Oh no.
Ali: So back off, man!
Kyle: Yeah!
Goodrich: Leave Kyle alone!
Kyle: Just leave me alone!
Goodrich: Leave Kyle alone!
Ali: All right well, just to mention, above the table, I’m at like eleven, healthwise.
Goodrich: I’m at two.
Spurrier: I’m at twenty-three.
Goodrich: Oh, aren’t you special.
Spurrier: I mean, a little. I’m Randy.
Ali: Randy takes charge.
Spurrier: Charge away on Gil.
Kyle: The two Gils are still gonna hold onto Zil. The ones in the back that are still near Cera, they look like they’re taking a defensive position, especially seeing that there’s been a spell cast near them, and having seen Cera actually take damage. You see them again casting similar spells, and you notice this green, twinkly light emit all around your foes, and they all seem to chipper up a little bit-
Goodrich: Oh jeez.
Kyle: -as it looks like they’ve cast Cure Mass Wound spells.
(Goodrich groans)
Spurrier: Sweet.
Kyle: And everyone’s kind of healing up a little bit. Didn’t say it was gonna be easy.
Goodrich: [Laughing] No, you didn’t.
Kyle: So that’s them. One of the Gils gets up and is looking for a weapon, can’t find one. The other one is near Randy, so it’s going to take an attack on Randy. [Rolls dice]
Spurrier: Joy.
Kyle: Nope, not with that one. [Players laugh] Yeah, it pretty much just trips and falls over, prone on the ground.
Spurrier: Seems to be a theme in this battle.
Goodrich: I know.
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: But that is the end of this round of combat, so let’s get back to the top with Randy. What would you like to do?
Spurrier: Okay. Well, seeing people getting healed, and seeing how sweet we’re doing in battle, and I guess – and again, I noticed Yashee like try to attack but fail.
Kyle: Yeah.
Spurrier: You know, I’m gonna take out that flask that we found.
[Goodrich and Ali make sounds of being impressed]
Spurrier: I guess it’s – yeah. And I’m gonna –
Goodrich: Take a huge pull.
Spurrier: I’m gonna – yeah –
Goodrich: It’s all over.
Spurrier: Drink, drink deep.
Goodrich: This one’s to you, Chaos Sauce.
Spurrier: Constitution check, here I go. No. Yeah. And so when I open it up, I can still hear that like windy sound inside?
Kyle: Yeah. You still hear that swirling sound of the wind.
Spurrier: Okay. I’m gonna just open it up and point it at the brain.
Ali: Yes.
Kyle: Okay. You point it at the brain, but nothing seems to be happening. You’re just pointing it at the brain.
Spurrier: Okay. Um, is there like anything on the flask? I don’t remember what you said about it.
Kyle: There’s just that A with a – upside down A with a tilde going through it.
Spurrier: Okay.
Ali: No instructions or anything?
[Players laugh]
Kyle: [Laughing] No instructions.
Spurrier: Right. No.
Ali: “Step 1…”
Spurrier: “Open flask.”
Goodrich: Oh man.
Spurrier: Can I do like an arcana check on it, see if I know what’s up?
Kyle: Yeah, go for it. Roll an arcana check, see what happens.
[Dice roll]
Spurrier: That is an eighteen plus one.
Kyle: Okay. Yeah, you’re seeming to recall a conversation you had with Eddie really early on about magic items and how sometimes they might need a command phrase of sorts to be activated.
Spurrier: Oh, okay. I guess since Yashee has often been the one to decipher and comprehend things, I’m gonna turn to Yashee and say –
Spurrier (as Randy): Hey!
Ali (as Yashee): [raging] What’s up?
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, I’ve got this flask I’m gonna toss ya.
Ali (as Yashee): [raging] Okay…? [Goodrich laughs] For what?
Spurrier (as Randy): Well, it’s got this little symbol on it, and I have no idea what it is. I’m hoping, if you can decipher it, maybe it’ll – we can get this brain to get in the flask.
Ali (as Yashee): [raging] Alright, toss it here.
Kyle: Okay. Let me interject here real quick, ‘cause you’re pointing this thing at Cera and you’re turning to look at Yashee. And when you say “get in the flask,” there’s all of a sudden like a large gust of wind (wind sound begins in background) that starts to suck Cera towards it. And I’m going to make –
(Various sounds of approval)
Ali: Does it say “Mary!”
[All chuckle]
Goodrich: What’s that?
Ali: Jimi Hendrix.
[All laugh]
Kyle: And according to this item that I have the details for… so Cera looks like they’re being sucked into the flask little by little, just, you know, bits and pieces of it in one long string. And all of a sudden that stops, and it goes back to its normal formation. [Goodrich sighs] And you hear Cera freaking out saying –
Kyle (as Cera): No! That’s – I am not going to be trapped in something like this!
Kyle: And this is gonna break combat a little bit, but Cera just disappears. (Sounds of surprise) You see it begin to, like – it looks like it begins to cast a spell, and then its body kinda turns transparent and phases out. And you hear Squid say-
Kyle (as Squid): No! You can’t go to another plane! You haven’t taught me how to do that!
Goodrich: He is such a scrub this episode. That sucks so bad.
Kyle: You notice that, yeah, the body just – the body of Cera Bellum seems to be just leaving and disappearing from this realm. And it says –
Kyle (as Cera Bellum): Squid, you are a mistake, as I have said. You will be the sacrifice for our exploration back here to see if this will be a reasonable colony. With the existence of … these, it is not. Live your life as you will or can.
Kyle: And Cera retreats to another plane.
Spurrier: Oh.
Goodrich: Cool. Wait, but does that mean Cera’s still in the room, but just on a different plane?
Kyle: No. It means Cera’s gone.
Goodrich: Oh, oh.
Kyle: Cera’s gone. That is one thing about the Illithid, especially an Elderbrain: they think they’re in any kind of like real danger, they are apt to retreat because they’d rather preserve themself than-
Ali: Turtle in a little shell, boop boop.
Kyle: Yep. [Players laugh] So that’s just one of the characteristics of it. Unfortunately, that leaves Squid on their own.
Ali: Totally screwed.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: You notice Squid’s looking around – it’s their turn in combat – and …
Ali: We all gather round him like-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, well, well, what have we here?
Kyle: -kinda looks at you three, looks at the Gils that are all – they kind of all stop for a second, and their eyes roll into the back of their head. And then they come forward and they’re rubbing their foreheads and they’re like looking around real confused and kind of in a stupor. And Squid kind of looks at you three; he says-
Kyle (as Squid): We were just having fun, right? [Players laugh] I mean, “eat your brains,” that sounds so dramatic! I wouldn’t actually do that. You – we-
Goodrich: We all laugh just like that and say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Ali (as Yashee): [raging] Real funny.
Kyle (as Squid): I mean, I’m a victim as much as anyone. I didn’t ask to be created. That was – that was Cera’s doing.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right, right.
Spurrier (as Randy): Hmmm.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey.
Kyle (as Squid): Certainly.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So Randy, what did you say again when-
Spurrier (as Randy): I’ve got this cool little – what’s it called? – oh yeah, a flaaask.
Kyle (as Squid): Uh-huh.
Spurrier (as Randy): Do you got somewhere you wanna be or somewhere you need to be, somewhere you could go? If not, I’ve got a place for you.
Kyle (as Squid): I can leave. I … I don’t even have to have servants. I … I could just walk off into the-
Ali: I’m gonna grab the flask real quick and I turn to Squid.
Ali (as Yashee): [raging] Or you could just get in the flaaask!
Kyle: Alright, same result starts happening. Let’s see – [rolls dice] That’s a critical miss! Man, my dice are on ice today! Squid’s just like-
Kyle (as Squid): No! I promise I won’t do-
[Slurping sound from one of the players]
Kyle: And Squid is sucked up into the flask, and the copper top on it seems to just [tongue click] right into place.
Goodrich: Just like in the Duracell commercials.
Kyle: Yeah, absolutely. And …
Goodrich: So what happened to Squid? So what happens in the flask? Do you know what happens in the flask or-
Kyle: I know what happens in the flask.
Goodrich: Can you tell us?
Ali: It’s like a little flasky prison.
Goodrich: Is it a little secret?
Kyle: That’s – you would have to be in the flask to know, and I don’t think you wanna be.
Goodrich: Could … nope, nope.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: You could. Yeah, you could.
Ali: Hey Raz’ul!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No.
Goodrich: So do we just never open this thing again?
Spurrier: I mean, that’s fine. Squid can hang out in there.
Goodrich: Kyle?
Kyle: Yeah, that’s – you decide what you do with the flask at this point. If you never open it again …
Spurrier: I feel bad.
Goodrich: Hopefully he’s comfortable. Like, what happens to Pokemon in Poke balls?
Kyle: That’s a huge theory, and we’re not gonna get into that.
Spurrier: There’s a lot to that.
Goodrich: Oh, okay. So can we just imagine that it’s like a Pokemon in a Poke ball and Squid’s just okay? It’d make me feel better.
Kyle: Yeah, that’s – if that makes Raz’ul feel better.
Ali: If that’s what you think happens in Poke balls.
Kyle: So yeah.
Ali: A little prison.
Goodrich: I was gonna say, we’ll just leave that for everyone to discuss. When I was coming up, it was assumed it was like a little spa and they were sitting there kinda chilling. But then they don’t come out healed. Oh boy. Yeah, you said we’re not gonna get into that.
Kyle: Yeah, no. They get turned into light and they’re transferred into energy, so…
Goodrich: Just like in the flask.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: Yes.
Goodrich: Alright. We digress.
Kyle: Okay. So now that resolved.
Goodrich: We did it.
Spurrier: Hurray!
Ali: Well, like resolved, but, you know, that brain could come back at any time.
Kyle: Could.
Ali: I’m still a little worried.
Kyle: But from what it seemed like – yeah, you should be worried. Yes, of course. But it seemed like this was kind of – from what you gathered from what Cera was saying, it seemed like this was kind of a reconnaissance thing to see if it was a viable reopening of this colony, and it didn’t seem like Cera considered that, considering you’re a rival.
Goodrich: Because of Chaos Sauce?
Spurrier: Because we couldn’t get mind-slapped.
Goodrich: So we saved the world? (Gasps) Chaos Sauce saved the world!
Kyle: As far as you know, you can believe it to be that.
Goodrich: That calls for a song. Roll up those dice!
Ali: Vic-to-ry!
Goodrich: I dunno. We should probably get out of this cave first.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: Okay. All the Gils seem to be coming to, and they’re looking around at you. And, you know, they’re just blabbering, gibbering in their typical Undercommon speak and everything. And they don’t seem hostile; they seem just confused.
Spurrier: How is Zil? Is Zil just the same?
Kyle: No, Zil is Zil.
Spurrier: Okay.
Kyle: Nothing’s changed about Zil.
Spurrier: Awesome.
Kyle: They release Zil from their grasp, and they kind of take a step back, and they’re looking at Zil like “oh, odd.”
Goodrich: Can I say –
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Bleep blop bloop bloop.
Goodrich: What is that mean?
Kyle: You say that, and they look at you like –
Ali: Is that somebody’s name?
Kyle (as Gils): Bleep blop bloop bloop.
Goodrich: And I motion back out towards that cave like –
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): “bleep blop bloop bloop,” come on with us.
Goodrich: Out the door.
Kyle: Okay. So you start walking out the door.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Let’s go find Trish and everybody and-
Kyle: Well, it’s actually at this point that you start talking about leaving where you actually hear an explosion happen. [Explosion sound in background]
Goodrich: Oh.
Kyle: And moments after you hear this, you see three figures fall from the ceiling (Goodrich shudders) into the pool of brackish, nasty water. And emerging from the water, you see our three miners.
Goodrich: Alright!
Spurrier (as Randy): Hi!
Goodrich: I say real quick to you guys-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, real quick. Just play it cool, okay? This is the first time we’re saving the world, we gotta act like, okay? [Spurrier and Kyle laugh] We’re like bigtime now, so…
Ali: I’m still raging, so I’m like-
Ali (as Yashee): [Raging] Yeah, that’s right. We took you out! Get outta here, little brain, Squid! Never coming back! That’s right!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, okay. But when we get up to them, just play it cool. Like, yeah, no big deal. You know, this could probably up our rate, you know.
Ali (as Yashee): [raging] Oh yeah.
Goodrich: But yeah. I toss some potpourri in your face and say “hey, chill.”
Ali: Oh, good call.
Spurrier: And while Yashee’s distracted by that, I just reach over and grab the flask and slip open Joby and slide the flask inside.
Ali: Oh yes!
Goodrich: Oh, you stuff him, stuff the flask in Joby?
Kyle: Alright.
Spurrier: Yeah.
Kyle: Since he has a zipper back.
Spurrier: Exactly.
Ali: Potpourri gets all in my face and I take a (sniffing) a big whiff and I’m like-
Ali (as Yashee): Ah, thanks. Thanks Raz’ul. You always know what’s best.
Kyle: Okay. Erin’s just like-
Kyle (as Erin): What … what’s going on down here? What’s up with these Gils?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, it’s cool. We handled it, like professionals.
Spurrier (as Randy): They’re back to normal.
Kyle (as Erin): Where’s the Squid guy?
Ali (as Yashee): He’s in the flask.
Ali: And I look down at my hands and (mumbles).
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Where’s the flask? Wait, where is the flask?
Spurrier (as Randy): It’s taken care of.
Kyle (as Erin): Okay.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What? What did you do with it?
Goodrich: I whisper to you –
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What did you do with it?
Spurrier (as Randy): [whispering] Later.
Kyle: Randy, you say it’s taken care of, and Alphonse just nods.
Spurrier: Oh yeah.
Kyle: Trish chimes in. She’s like-
Kyle (as Trish): Well, I think we gotta – I think we got that taken care of, so um, let’s go. Let’s get out of here.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yes, please.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Did you take care of the leak or whatever? Is that all good? Are we good to leave?
Kyle (as Trish): Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We’re good to go. That’s a – well, we won’t really know until we get back to Basom, but yeah, it should be taken care of.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah. I guess same for us. We won’t really know (laughing) till we get back to Basom if …
Kyle (as Erin): Yeah. Well, I mean, if we get on, I don’t know what these little Gils are gonna do, but...
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, we actually saw where they live, kind of.
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, they’re from down here, I guess.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul: They’re from downtown Cavetown or whatever they call it.
Kyle (as Erin): Yeah, I bet they call it Gillington or something.
[Players laugh]
Ali (as Yashee): They can just follow us.
Kyle (as Erin): Okay, yeah. I mean, we’re gonna go back the way we came, ‘cause that’s how we know how to get back to the surface. You know, you follow back. It’s just Cave 101.
Ali: Wish I had a little flute, like Pied Piper.
Ali (as Yashee): Follow me, Gils.
[Players laugh]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): All I’ve gotta just say is “bleep blop bloop bloop.”
Kyle (as Gils): Bleep blop bloop bloop?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Bleep blop bloop bloop.
Kyle (as Gils): Bleep blop bloop bloop?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Bleep blop bloop bloop.
Spurrier (as Randy): Uh, you guys wanna – do we wanna look for our naked boy, or do we wanna leave him down here?
[Overlapping conversation]
Spurrier (as Randy): I’m fine leaving him, but he has –
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No, no, no.
Spurrier (as Randy): Alright, fine.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright. Let’s go get Jermaine.
Kyle: Okay. So you all head back to where you had left Jermaine, but Jermaine’s not there.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh-oh.
Spurrier (as Randy): Sweet.
Kyle: So at this point, give me a survival check to see if you can track where Jermaine might have gone.
[Multiple dice rolls]
Ali: I’ve got a four plus three, seven.
Kyle: Okay.
Spurrier: I have a four plus one.
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: I have a five plus two plus JOAT! So eight.
Kyle: Okay. There’s really no signs as to which direction Jermaine would have gone, so there’s really no sense of where to go. Do you want to spend the time walking around, see if you can actually find him?
Spurrier: Have we seen our Gil in the midst of all of this?
Kyle: No, he stayed back in, I guess, Gillington. Is that what I called it?
Spurrier: Back in Gillington. Okay, cool.
Kyle: But you still have your Zil and everything.
Spurrier: Alright. Sweet.
Kyle: And you notice the Gils have been kind of – some of them kept with you ‘cause they were following you, some of them wound up tracing their way back, and some have left.
Goodrich: They’re like, “ehh, another Tuesday. So days without alien invasion, put it back to zero.”
[Chuckles]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, I mean, if he’s out and about, maybe he went back to Gillington.
Spurrier (as Randy): He’s also a sweet cult boy, as we found out.
Ali: Mhm.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uhhhh…
Spurrier (as Randy): So I’m fine to leave him down here. He can just hang out here for a while, maybe forever. But it’s up to you guys. I don’t really care.
Ali: I call out-
Ali (as Yashee): Jermaine?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Jermaine!
Ali (as Yashee): You here?
Kyle: Give me a perception check.
Ali: Stick my head around the corner.
Ali (as Yashee): Hey! Jermaine!
(Multiple dice rolls)
Ali: That’s a ten.
Goodrich: That’s seventeen plus five, so twenty-two.
[Oh yeah! Sound effect]
Kyle: Ohhh crap!
Goodrich: He’s back with the natural twents!
(Various celebratory sounds)
Kyle: Alright. Randy and Raz’ul, you hear some shifting and shuffling coming from the room that you had encountered the first Gils holding tiles and everything.
Goodrich: Right.
Kyle: And you head that direction. And you see Jermaine sitting on the ground, and it looks like he’s wearing a robe similar to what Squid was wearing. And he’s kinda covering himself up and just sitting on the ground, just looks out of it, doesn’t look quite all there. And as you’re standing there looking at him, you notice some of the Gils are also kind of looking at each other, murmuring, and they’re pointing. They’re pointing at something on his body. You notice that they’re pointing to his hands. His hands look really thin, long and emaciated. They look different. Jermaine kinda looks up, says-
Kyle (as Jermaine): [in a sleepy voice] Where are we?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh man. Oh man. We’re in this crazy cave, and there was a squid, there was a meat brain boi, but not anymore, because of Chaos Sauce. Actually-
Goodrich: -and I hand him a card.
[Lauughter]
Kyle: It kinda falls between his fingers as he doesn’t seem to have strength.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I’ll do that for ya.
Goodrich: And I’ll just put it in his – pocket? Does he still-
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Is there a pocket on the robe?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah. You hang onto that if you need a …
Ali: I’ll say-
Ali (as Yashee): You don’t remember anything, anything that happened to you down here?
Kyle (as Jermaine): I remember flashes of him, of who he was.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Who’s that?
Kyle (as Jermaine): Whoever …
Kyle: -looks down at himself-
Kyle (as Jermaine): -whoever this was.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Wait, oh-oh. Are you not Jermaine? What’s your name there, slick? You-
Kyle (as Jermaine): I don’t know.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh.
Kyle (as Jermaine): I don’t know who I am.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What’s the last thing you remember? Retrace your steps.
Kyle (as Jermaine): There were many like me … in a pool.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Like a swimming pool?
Ali (as Yashee): We saw a pool.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, we were just at a pool.
Kyle (as Jermaine): But he remembers … it’s all fuzzy.
Ali (as Yashee): We can’t leave him here.
Spurrier (as Randy): Without the brain, he might not be functional.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh. A hive mind sort of thing.
Spurrier (as Randy): Possibly…?
Kyle (as Jermaine): What?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, tell you what. Don’t worry about it. Keep your coat on, keep that card.
Kyle (as Jermaine): Okay.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): We’re gonna head back topside, and there’s some folks there that might be able to help ya out.
Spurrier (as Randy): Or you can stay here with the Gils.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well…
Kyle (as Jermaine): I can stay here?
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You like it down here?
Spurrier (as Randy): You were also really well off nude, if you want to take that robe off.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I would keep it on.
Goodrich: I say to Randy-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [whispering] The card’s in the robe, dude.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, yeah. Well, if – are we gonna come play a show here?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I mean, we could. It seems like it’s okay now.
Spurrier (as Randy): Hmmm.
Goodrich [as Raz’ul): I would. Dude, we’ve got a sweet hookup with Gil. He could get us booked down here.
Ali (as Yashee): There’s really good acoustics down here.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [singing] Ahhhh!
Spurrier (as Randy): Just keep nudity in mind. But the robe suits you for now.
Ali (as Yashee): I like it.
Kyle (as Jermaine): Thank you ... is the words?
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): You got it. See? He’s learning.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Let’s go find Gil, let’s go find Gillington.
Kyle (as Jermaine): So I-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): And you’ll be alright.
Goodrich: I try to help him up, like-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You’re good. Come on.
Kyle: He kinda stands up.
Ali: Does it seem like it’s just his hands that look different?
Kyle: Just his hands so far.
Ali: The rest is very Jermaine-looking.
Kyle: Yeah. It still looks like Jermaine, but his hands look weird.
Spurrier: Does he still have the mark on his arm of the cult and all that? Okay.
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): We should bring him back to Basom, guys. We can’t leave him down here. Can’t leave him really with the Gils either; he’s not a Gil.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, but he can live someplace where you’re not like anyone else. Hey, let’s just get back to Gillington and see what Gil has to say about all this.
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: Didididididoo.
Kyle: So y’all make your way back to Gillington with Jermaine in tow, and I’m gonna do some quick actions here.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: Just gonna do some quick things that happen. You get back there, ‘Cause there’s so many things to do now that we’ve resolved this.
Ali: [singing] Everybody needs a montage.
Goodrich: [singing] Gotta do it with a montage.
Kyle: So you leave the lair and you head back to – I guess Gillington. We’ll just stick with that. When you walk up, you notice that everyone’s starting to crowd around "The Gil” – you know, the original Gil. Gil is kinda looking at you and just, I guess, smiles, if a fish could smile.
Goodrich: He’s just got a sweet glisten in his eye.
Kyle: Waves-
Goodrich: He’s smiling with his eyes.
Kyle: -and kind of parts the crowd a little bit, walks up and just says-
Kyle (as Gil): Um, thank you so much. Because you kept your word and I was the only one to remain unaffected, I’ve actually been promoted to being an archpriest and we’re about to do the ceremony. You wanna stay? You wanna watch me get ordained?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, sure. Yeah.
Spurrier (as randy): Sure, yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): Congratulations.
Spurrier (as Randy): Nicely done.
Kyle (as Gil): Thank you, Yashee.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, by the way, Chaos Sauce, your friendly neighborhood exterminators, got rid of that pesky brain in the cave, and the squid too.
Kyle (as Gil): Mm, a brain? Oh, yup.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yep. So don’t worry about that anymore. You’re good to go. That’ll be about five hundred gold pieces, plus, you know, you got your quarterly checkups.
Kyle (as Gil): [stammers in disbelief]
Goodrich: And then I slap him.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I’m just playing, man. I’m just playing. Don’t worry about it. I’m just pulling your fin.
Kyle (as Gil): You’re a funny one, Raz’ul.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, you know.
Kyle: So everyone starts to gather around the shoreline. Most of the Gils are making a large circle around “The Gil,” and there’s spaces for you to be able to stand and be part of that circle. So the Gils that were wearing those rather dirty-kinda-looking robes — you know, they were a little decorated — they form a tighter circle around Gil. And what follows is a series of events that contain a bunch of gibberish, from your understanding; a lot of stomping; some mud smearing; a little bit of fish slapping; [players giggle] and then there’s an adornment, where Gil is reclothed in what is a surprisingly clean and ornamented set of robes. That pretty much ends the ceremony, and everyone’s cheering, they disperse...
Goodrich: I cheer.
Spurrier (as Randy): Hurray, hurray.
Kyle: You’re all cheering for Gil.
[Scattered clapping]
Spurrier: [Quietly imitates a trumpet fanfare]
Ali (as Yashee): We’re proud of you.
Kyle: And then Gil comes up to you and says-
Kyle (as Gil): I’m glad you could stick around. I’ve taken care of something for you. It might have been a little difficult when you first came in, but I had some people get this before you got back.
Kyle: And you guys never actually picked up your tent garbage when you left.
Goodrich: Oh no!
Ali: From the S.S. Chaos Sauce?
Kyle: Yeah, you never picked it up, you just left it there.
Kyle (as Gil): We took care of that thing, the other tentacle thing. We can actually do that; we’ve fought a few of them before. But we went ahead and cleared the way so you can take your trash and [Goodrich laughs] go back to the surface. But you can come back anytime.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Goodrich: And I motion to Jermaine. I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, this Jermaine fella, we’re gonna take him with us…?
Goodrich: -and I look back to Randy and Yashee, say-
[Dice roll]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Take him with us? Leave him here? What do you guys – I mean…Gil?
Kyle: Jermaine’s just like-
Kyle (as Jermaine): I can stay, I can go.
Kyle: Gil’s just like-
Kyle (as Gil): No offense, you’re the only three – well, I guess the other three are good too, ‘cause they helped, but … nah, we don’t-
Ali: No, they don’t want him.
Kyle (as Gil): We don’t want that. You can take him home.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, would you be open to a celebration show, maybe later on? Not right now, obviously. You’ve got some rebuilding to do. But, you know, for the grand reopening of Gillington, we’d love to come back. Right, guys?
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): Yup.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): And, you know, it’s been quite a ride, and we’ve all learned a lot.
Goodrich: And I give him a card.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): But keep that with you.
Goodrich: And I curl his fin over it-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): And listen. It’s been a real, real treat, kind of. It’s been something.
Kyle (as Gil): I agree. I never met anyone from the surface and …
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yes. This is a first for, I think, all three of us.
[Wary agreement sounds]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So …
Spurrier (as Randy): Also, Gil?
Kyle (as Gil): Yeah.
Spurrier (as Randy): This, you know, other – this Zil, that we’ve kind of dubbed him, I’m not sure what would be – I’d be happy to take him, but I understand if you guys would rather him stay here with you.
Kyle (as Gil): No, he seems to take a liking to you.
Kyle: And you look, and Zil’s kinda just like hovering over your shoulder-
[Players laugh]
Kyle: and there’s just like a blank stare.
Spurrier: I just reach up and pet him, yeah.
Kyle: Yeah, it’s a little slimy. And he’s just like-
Kyle (as Gil): No, nah.
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay. As long as you’re cool with it. I just … I didn’t know if it would be rude to take one of your own, even though he’s kind of a zom-bie.
Kyle (as Gil): Yeah, kinda seems dead.
Ali (as Yashee): Can he survive up there?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): We’re gonna find out.
Kyle (as Gil): I mean, I’ve never … I don’t really like bright lights – none of us really do -- but … I don’t know how he’ll fare.
Ali (as Yashee): If he doesn’t like it, we’ll just send him back down.
Spurrier (as Randy): We’ll just toss him down.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [laughing] Open the hole.
Kyle (as Gil): Okay.
Spurrier (as Randy): So just listen for a plop, and you could … it might happen, it might not.
Kyle (as Gil): We’ll post up at the bottom of the hole, and if he shows back up, then we’ll know, I guess.
Spurrier (as Randy): Sweet.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, we will go ahead and take Jermaine with us, and it’ll be fine. We’ll see what we can do up there for him. So hey, Gil, listen,.
Kyle (as Gil): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Take care of yourself down here, okay?
Kyle (as Gil): Oh, we will. Now that I’m the archpriest, I should have some, like, bigger sway in what people believe and bleep blop bloop bloop and all that good stuff. So thank you again. And Chaos Sauce forever.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, heck yeah! There he is. Alright!
Kyle (as Gil): You definitely have some fans down here in the underside.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Awesome. Well, we’ll try to send down some merch or something when we get some made up, so ... yeah. Well, I guess, let’s go.
Spurrier (as Randy): Trash pile ho!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Bye, Gil.
Spurrier (as Randy): Byee.
Goodrich: And just like at the end of Pokemon-
Ali (as Yashee): Bye, guys!
Goodrich: -we’re like walking off into the cave, waving. And Kyle says, “And so, our three adventurers …”
Kyle: “…find themselves at the end of another day.” Well, you guys go back. The roper’s dead. You find the hole that you came down, you bust out your tent trash, you recreate the S.S. Chaos Sauce.
Goodrich: I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey guys, I’ve got something for this. [Singing, accompanied by electric guitar] I like you, trash town, with those Gils, yeah. (Speaking) I dunno.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: That’s fine. Yeah, you start the song and you kick it off that way instead of the other way, and …
Goodrich: Or we just play it in reverse like [imitates rewinding audio].
Kyle: Yep.
[Players laugh]
Spurrier: That’s all we do.
Kyle: Always. Forward, backwards, upside down. But the – you recreate the S.S. Chaos Sauce, float your way back up to the top, takes as long as it takes. You emerge from the underdark, and you’re greeted by an early evening sun. It’s quiet other than the whipping of the wind across the dunes, and then you hear some familiar grunts and bellows. You-
Goodrich: The sandatees!
Kyle: Yep.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): The sandatees.
Kyle: You head over the ridge. You can see that the camp’s been broken down, but the sandatees that you and the miners rode in on are all still there for you to take back.
Ali: Alright.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I don’t know whether that was a rude gesture or nice of them to leave them for us.
Spurrier (as Randy): I mean, probably nice.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I guess a vote of confidence, I suppose.
Ali: How long have these sandatees been waiting? How long were we down there, you think?
Kyle: I mean, you went down there in the morning, it’s evening. So it’s been about, you know-
Ali: Oh.
Goodrich: Oh wow.
Ali: What a day.
Spurrier: What a day.
Goodrich: What a day.
Kyle: It’s amazing how time works in D&D, it’s very, very-
Goodrich: Or as far as we know, it’s been about a day.
Ali: Yeah. We work quick, ‘cause –
Goodrich: I’m telling you, dude.
Ali: -to solve this whole town’s problems.
Kyle: Stuff goes down. You did take a short rest.
Goodrich: That was just a lunch break, Kyle. I mean, come on.
[Chuckling]
Kyle: Gotta get those sandwiches, right?
Goodrich: That’s right. Yeah.
Ali: Oh man. Well, if we’re taking off on the sandatees, I spend like the first five minutes just loving on Sandy like-
Ali (as Yashee): Oh, I missed you so much! I’m so sorry you had to stay out here. I’ll give you lots of treats when we get back.
Goodrich: Do we do anything for Randatee?
Spurrier: No, just stare it down.
[Laughter]
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, I’m back.
Goodrich: And Randatee again is like “oh?”
[Players make quizzical animal sounds]
Kyle: You all do what you need to do to get your sandatees prepared, and Jermaine winds up riding with one of the miners back. We’ll just say that. So you make your way back to Basom, and you arrive back in town a little bit after dusk. You leave your sandatees where you got them-
Ali: Are we seeing them again though or-
Kyle: Oh, no. As far as you know, this is where you’re parting ways with your sandatee.
Spurrier: Oh no!
Ali: I wonder if I can, like, purchase her or something.
[Laughter]
Goodrich: Take her back to Strumlotts?
Ali: I mean, if she’s like-
Kyle: I just did a head turn like Hmmm?
Ali: If we got her from like a sandatee rental company, you know, if I could buy her outright.
Kyle: “You could adopt a sandatee for a monthly charge. There’s so many of these sandatees.”
Goodrich: [singing] In the arms of Yashee.
Kyle: If you want to inquire, yeah? You have to inquire about it.
Ali: Is there anybody around, or are they closed for the day? It’s one of those things where you can slip your keys in the door and-
Kyle: Well…
[Overlapping conversation and laughter]
Kyle: You know, there’s a gentleman that’s wandering around, seems to be taking care of the tack for these things as you dismount. Kinda looks at you and says-
Kyle (as gentleman, with Southern accent): Oh, you got back later than the other ones. Y’all enjoy your ride?
Ali (as Yashee): This was the very best time. You know, I’ve really grown close with my sandatee; we’re like best friends, so-
Kyle (as gentleman): Okay.
Ali (as Yashee): Can I, you know, take her with me? Is that okay?
Kyle (as gentleman): Well, no. That’s kinda part of my cattle.
Ali (as Yashee): What would you – could we trade or … I wonder if she even wants to come home with me. I guess I should-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You want me to ask her?
Ali (as Yashee): Oh, would you?
Goodrich: Yeah. I’ve got Speak With Animals. Is that cool, Kyle?
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, just see how she’s feeling about it.
Kyle: Yeah, you can talk to a sandatee if you want to.
Goodrich: So I guess I get off of Randatee and I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, listen, bud. It’s been real, but I don’t-
Goodrich: Well, I guess first I can do my spell, so-
Ali: It’s been nice, but…
Goodrich: I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [singing, accompanied by guitar] Talk to me like sandatees do, walk with me like sandatees do.
Goodrich: And I turn to Randatee and I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey Slim. Look, dude. This has been great. You probably want to stick around here though, right?
Kyle (as Randatee): Yeaaah. Yeaaah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, yeah. Cool.
Kyle (as Randatee): I like the sand on my stomach.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah. Who doesn’t? But look, it’s been real great. Thanks for taking us out there. Take care of yourself. Hey-
Goodrich: And I turn to you, Randy.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, we’re good over here so...
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, okay. Cool.
Goodrich: I smack him on the butt and-
Kyle (as Randatee): Aww yeah!
[Laughter]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Nope, nope, go on and get now. Get in the stable now.
Kyle (as Randatee): Aww yeah!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright. Thank you. Randy, get off that sandatee now.
Spurrier: I roll on off.
Goodrich: Okay, sweet. And I go over to Sandy and I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, Sandy, look. I don’t know if you know this, but Yashee actually really – I mean, it seems like you two got along real, real well. And if you wanted to come back with us to Strumlotts, I know that would make Yashee so happy. What do you think?
Kyle (as Sandy): Oh, we could do that?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah. Look, we know a bunch of cool other people at school, and-
Kyle as Sandy): Oh wow!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah. So what do you say? You think if there’s a way to get you there, you would – you wanna?
Kyle (as Sandy): I love her.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Aww, sweet. Hey, good news, Yashee.
Ali (as Yashee): What’s up.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): She says … yes.
Ali (as Yashee): Oh, okay. I mean, make sure she knows, like, what the accommodations are gonna be like. I don’t want her to be surprised about anything.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, right. So hey, Sandy, look. There’s the stables.
Kyle (as Sandy): Where.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What are you saying. Hey, look at me. Eyes here.
Kyle (as Sandy): Okay.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You good? Okay. So-
[laughter]
Ali: What?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): There’s stables at school. I mean, you’re not gonna be able to sleep in Yashee’s room or anything, but we’d come and visit you and-
Kyle (as Sandy): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It’d be a fun – that sound good?
Kyle (as Sandy): Yeah!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright. Yeah, she’s down, Yashee. So hey, look, doc. So I just talked with your sandatee. You might have heard us doing the-
Goodrich: How do sandatees sound when they talk?
Kyle: [animal noises] Bellowing and whatnot. The gentleman you’ve been talking to is quite perplexed by the conversation you’re having, and then as Randy is dismounting, Zil is probably riding along with you as well as Raz’ul. You just fit three on one.
Kyle (as gentleman): What the holy heck is that? What you got there? A little fish person? Kinda half-dead? What?
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, he’s full dead but full undead. His name’s Zil. He’s friendly. You can pet him if you want.
Kyle: He just looks really confused. He’s like-
Kyle (as gentleman): You out-of-town folks are mighty weird. Erin, Trish, you know these people?
Kyle: And Erin and Trish both nod and they’re just like-
Kyle (as Erin): Yeah, it’s a long story. You ain’t gotta worry about it none, Drew.
Ali (as Yashee): We saved the town!
Kyle (as Drew): Well, yeah. I mean, the water came back and everything.
Ali (as Yashee): We helped.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I feel like we’re getting off track here. The sandatee wants to come home with us. Is that cool?
Ali (as Yashee): Let’s focus.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Focus up here, Drew.
Kyle (as Drew): Okay. I mean, in town, you ain’t getting no attitude or anything.
Goodrich: No, I was accidentally talking in sandatee to Drew. Forgot to switch over.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): My bad, Drew. I was just saying, Sandy’s getting all worked up a little bit, so I was trying to calm her down.
Kyle (as Drew): Oh, okay.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So, hey, look though. Don’t worry about Zil. Zil’s cool, he’s with us. We’ve had quite a day. If you would be willing to part with Sandy, we could maybe compensate you in some sort of way or maybe give you a song, perhaps.
Kyle (as Drew): Hmmm.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Like maybe a song you could use for advertising your stable that you could, you know, have-
Kyle (as Drew): Oooh, free advertising. I hadn’t thought about that.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Free advertising’s pretty good, right? So yeah. If we wrote like a jingle for your shop – what’s your shop called, man?
Kyle (as Drew): Sandatee for You and Me.
[Laughter]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That sounds like a tagline, though. What’s the real name of your shop.
Kyle (as Drew): I dunno. Ain’t really thought of one, ‘cause people just call me Drew the sandatee Man.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ah, perfect.
Kyle (as Drew): I never really thought about it. I guess Rent-a-tee.
[Goodrich laughs]
Spurrier: Perfect.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Perfect. Look, Drew at Rent-a-tee. Is this all you do, sandatee rentals and adventures and stuff? Go see the sand, travel-
Kyle (as Drew): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Explore Basom, adventures in the desert?
Kyle (as Drew): Yeah, I guess that’s all I do.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright. Don’t sell yourself short, Drew. It’s good. So okay, we’ve got our root material. Give us a sec, we’re gonna come up with a song. Would you – is that alright with you, if we give you this? This is free advertising. This is gonna drum up-
Kyle (as Drew): Yeah, yeah. If anybody sees you with that Sandatee, you gotta tell ‘em, like, you got it from Drew’s Rent-a-tee.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): And we play the tune. You got it.
Kyle (as Drew): You play the tune, everywhere.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Absolutely. Sweet. And actually, we know a bard in town that we could maybe teach it to and he can-
Kyle (as Drew): Oh no, not that boy.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, listen-
Ali (as Yashee): He’s better than you think.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, exactly. So … we’ll get to that later. Anyhoo, you guys, you ready?
Kyle: Okay.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yes.
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah.
Goodrich: Roll ‘em up!
Kyle: Yep.
[Music transition]
Goodrich: Alright, here we go!
Spurrier: Just figures, after our big boss battle, we just write a jingle.
[Players laugh]
Goodrich: Our boss battle, quote/unquote.
[Multiple dice rolls)
Spurrier: Yeah, exactly.
Kyle: Get a wild.
Goodrich: There’s a C. Oh, we didn’t decide major or minor.
Spurrier: Well, it’s a jingle. I think it’s major.
[Sounds of agreement]
[Dice roll]
Kyle: Oh, you got the wild.
Spurrier: Oh, well, well, well. [grunts]
[Dice roll]
Ali: Alright!
Spurrier: Okay.
Goodrich: Perfect. C, two F’s, and an A minor. And C again.
Kyle: Alright.
Goodrich: So … [singing] a drumroll!
Kyle: Yep.
Ali: Okay. I’m just gonna – I’m just gonna throw ‘em all at once.
Goodrich: Oh jeez.
Spurrier: Oh my.
Ali: Blues are the pattern, purples are the kit. Alright here.
[Multiple dice rolls]
Goodrich: I’ll leave that up to you to –
Kyle: Oh god.
Ali: Okay, let’s see. Tails.
Goodrich: Alright.
Ali: Okay, blue, pattern. That is ten. It’s just ten. Alright. Techno3.
Goodrich: Oh boy.
Ali: And the kit is twenty-three, which is Fusion02.
Kyle: Alright, okay.
Goodrich: Oh man, that’s great.
Ali: Excellent.
Kyle: So I, VI, IV, yeah, and then-
Goodrich: Some fusion techno. Let’s get on it. Drew’s Sandatees.
Kyle: Yeah, write that song.
Spurrier: Jingle, jingle, jingle.
Kyle: Listeners, talk to you in a second.
[Music transitions]
Kyle: Hey, everyone, it’s your dungeon maestro Kyle, back just you and me, nobody else. It’s been a while since we had this, but, you know, we’re back in the storyline. I’m happy that you stuck with us. Thank you so much for working with us and understanding. As per usual, if you wanna keep up with us outside of episodes, go check us out on social media by searching @bombardedcast. You can see what people are saying about the podcast by searching the hashtag #Bardcast, and you can also let us know what you think of the story by using that hashtag. So be sure to do that. Or if you want to email us, we also have our Gmail, which is Bombardedcast@gmail.com. So a couple things: you know, we had to do this break. We did Bardlibs, and we’re actually gonna be – we’ve probably by now pulled those from the feed – which, you’ll be able to find those on our Bandcamp, bombarded.bandcamp.com. So you’ll be able to listen through those, you know, if you missed out on it. They’re still there. And as a super special thank you for sticking with us through this time, we’re going to be giving you a surprise on there, which is going to be under the BomBARDed Theme Song album. It’s just gonna be added on there. We’re gonna give you the “oh yeahs” and the “nat twent” songs. So if you want either of those – I think the “oh yeah” would be a good, like, you know, I got a message. Oh yeah! So I don’t think I really have anything else to talk about, other than the – well, yeah, I do have something else to talk about. We’re gonna continue doing some giveaways, but we plan on doing them in the months that we have a third Tuesday. So that’s gonna be like Special Tuesday, and I think that comes about, you know, every few months. So the first one’s gonna happen in October, so that’s gonna be when our next giveaway is. I’ll be sure to mention it in the middle bit, like I kinda am right now. So just keep an ear out so that you can win some of that swag that we were giving away. Don’t think I really have anything else to really talk about. I guess they’re gonna write a jingle, so let’s get back to the bards. Let’s hear this song, this jingle. I’ll talk to y’all later, bye.
[Music transitions]
Ali (as Yashee): Hey Drew.
Kyle (as Drew): Yeah? What y’all got?
Ali (as Yashee): Hey, I think we came up with something you might like.
Kyle (as Drew): Hit me with your best shot.
[Drums begin the beat, followed by keyboard, guitar, and vocals]
Ali, Goodrich, and Spurrier: [Singing] Rent-a-tee, sandatee, a desert ride for you and me, Rent-a-tee, sandatee, flop across the sandy sea.
Goodrich: [singing] If you don’t have a sandatee, then come on down and see Drew! He’ll fix you up and you’ll agree that Rent-a-tee’s for you!
Ali (as Yashee): (to Drew) Just say something here.
Kyle (as Drew): I got sandatees. Come on down, south side of Basom. We’re gonna have sandatees for you whenever you need ‘em. Uhh. Is that…is that it?
Goodrich: [singing] Drew’s the king of sandatees, so he’s got one for all of you, so head down south and you will see, no one can outdo-
Ali, Goodrich and Spurrier: [singing] Rent-a-tee, sandatee, satisfaction guaranteed. Rent-a-tee, sandatee, call 555-S-A-N-D!
Kyle (as Drew): Well, dang! I mean, that’s – I can’t say I’ve heard a better song about my business, so – ‘cause there haven’t been one, but yay. I like it!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright!
Spurrier (as Randy): Fantastic!
Ali (as Yashee): Sweet.
Kyle (as Drew): And, you know, since y’all be the ones coming here helping the town and everything, I reckon, you know, the least I could do, maybe.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): There you go.
Kyle (as Drew): That and the song, so...
Ali (as Yashee): Alright! I got a sandatee!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright!
Ali (as Yashee): Sandy’s mine forever!
Kyle (as Drew): Yeah, you know.
Goodrich: [imitates a theme song)
[All laugh]
Kyle: So he’s like-
Kyle (as Drew): I’ll tell you what. I’ll have her ready to go for you whenever you’re ready. You know, just swing on by before you head on out to town to wherever your travels may take you.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Drew’s gotta say goodbye first.
Kyle (as Drew): Yeah.
Goodrich: Aww. A single tear rolls down his-
Kyle: Yeah. And Drew’s like-
Kyle (as Drew): Y’all enjoy it. They’re having a party ‘cause the oasis is all filled back up, so y’all must’ve done something right.
Kyle: And the miners are like high-fiving each other.
Goodrich: Nice.
Spurrier: Yes!
Goodrich: Maybe humming our jingle?
Kyle: Maybe a little bit.
Goodrich: Oh. It takes a little bit to catch on.
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: I whisper to Randy and I’m like-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [undertone] Yeah, it shoulda been [singing] “Rent-a-tee, sandatee, write a song and get one free.”
[All laugh]
Kyle: But Drew walks off to go, you know, take care of the tack of the other sandatees and everything. And you all group together and you start heading towards the tavern. And Erin kinda mentions this as you’re walking. She’s like-
Kyle (as Erin): Listen. I know it’s kinda bad what happened down there with Jenny and everything, which, considering, I think maybe that should come from us, from me. I’ll talk to Tony about it. I’ll pull him aside once we see him.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): That’s probably a good idea.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It’s not all great news.
Kyle (as Erin): Y’all have done enough, and it’s appreciated. But, you know, it’s a win.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right.
Kyle (as Erin): It’s a win. So let’s get on back to the tavern.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That’s fair.
Kyle (as Erin): You know, enjoy them “libations,” as they call ‘em.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright. I mean, I’m down.
Spurrier (as Randy): Onward.
Kyle: Okay. So you arrive to the tavern, and you can hear the rabble of townsfolk celebrating. And as you enter, there is a loud cheer as you enter in, and you know, they see the miners and everything and see the rest of you. You notice that none of the people from the Bureau are here, but the ones that really stand out to you of course are Tony’s there, Dogum and Symbol are there, and-
Goodrich: You mean Luey Hewis.
Kyle: No, I don’t. It’s Symbol, in his normal regalia. And you notice that Symbol’s actually talking with Tony, and you see nearby, Tony’s daughter Mary. She has like these long lengths of fabric that are over a support beam in the roof and it looks like she’s trying to pull herself up on them and is messing around with in a kind of – looks like she’s sort of trying to do a dance of some sort using them.
Goodrich: Sweet.
Kyle: But Symbol gestures you over and says-
Kyle (as Symbol): Oh, you’re already back. So … I talked to you not long ago. What happened?
Spurrier (as Randy): Hi Splash.
Ali (as Yashee): When did you get here?
[Players laugh]
Kyle (as Symbol): It’s okay. Tony knows. It’s fine.
Kyle: And it’s at this point that Erin grabs Tony and says-
Kyle (as Erin): We should go talk real quick, Tony. Let’s go chitchat.
Kyle: -and they walk off together. And Dewey actually comes over with a few drinks and sets them down on the counter and says-
Kyle (as Dewey): Hey, Symbol, so these are your bards, huh, helped us out and everything?
Kyle: He’s like-
Kyle (as Symbol): Yeah, yeah, these are my students.
Kyle: And Dewey looks at you three, he’s like-
Kyle (as Dewey): Hey, I wanna thank you for helping out our town. You know, we’ll get you taken care of for the night. You know, Symbol’s been talking to me. And also, just in general, you know, Symbol helped out Mary a little bit; I don’t know if you looked over there. She’s been kind of down but-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, looks awesome.
Kyle (as Dewey): Yeah, she’s – Symbol showed her this – told her about this troupe that he had traveled with, and these dancers danced using silks, you know, hung like they are right now. So whatever you bards do whenever you go to places, you really somehow bring out the best in a dire situation. So I just – thank you from the bottom of my heart and-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh yeah.
Kyle (as Dewey): and the town.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Even Splash brings it out, believe it or not.
Kyle (as Dewey): Who?
Ali (as Yashee): You’re welcome. She looks like she’s having a great time up there. She’s beaming and happy.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, she looks awesome.
Kyle (as Symbol): Yeah, she’s – and I think I’ve got something I could work up which I’d be excited to see her use in her dancing. So…
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah? Sure. Yeah, that’s pretty cool, Splash.
Kyle (as Symbol): Yeah, no. It’ll be good. Thanks, Dewey.
Kyle: And Dewey goes on, because everyone else in the bar is just asking for drinks hand over fist.
Goodrich: Right.
Kyle: So Symbol turns to you and says-
Kyle (as Symbol): So what – you know, you need to fill me in on what happened. How did this resolve?
Ali (as Yashee): I got a sandatee.
Kyle (as Symbol): Oh, okay.
Ali (as Yashee): That’s the last thing that happened.
Spurrier (as Randy): Strumlotts can accommodate that, right, Splash?
Kyle (as Symbol): I’m sure we can figure something out.
Goodrich: He doesn’t know.
Spurrier (as Randy): Fantastic.
Ali (as Yashee): I could always set up like a little – like a little bed or something in my room.
Kyle (as Symbol): I don’t think that’s a good idea.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Plus, the elevators might not be able to hold that much weight. But don’t worry about it, Yashee. [Ali laughs] Also, we got a little flask that we have a squid in now. Randy? What happened to that?
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh – well, alright. Fine.
Spurrier: So I pull out Joby and I zip him open, and I pull out the flask and hand it to Splash.
Kyle: And Splash holds it, he’s just like –
Goodrich: He’s about to open it! We’re like-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No, no, no, no, no!
Kyle: No, he wasn’t gonna open it. But he’s just like-
Kyle (as Symbol): So the thing you were telling me about is in – in here?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah. Well, one of the things. The other thing was a giant meat monster. Honestly, we should probably get with you about, like, our difficulty level when it comes to these sort of things, ‘cause I’m pretty sure that thing was about to freaking smash us.
Kyle (as Symbol): Yeah, it sounds really off from what the Bureau was antici- -- I tell you what. Let me take this. I’ll go find John and the rest of the Bureau members and take this to them. And – wait, is that … is that Jermaine? Is that their-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh yeah. When we found him, he was like super out of it and-
Spurrier (as Randy): He’s in kind of a weird way.
Ali (as Yashee): Kinda Jermaine.
Kyle (as Symbol): It sounds like – [snickers] – it sounds like a lot of weird stuff going down. So I tell you what: I’ll go ahead and take this, and before the end of the night, I’ll take this and I’ll take Jermaine over there and get him situated back with his people.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh sure, yeah.
Kyle (as Symbol): So anything you need from me before I go do that?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, we gave him a card. Can you just make sure he has that card?
Goodrich: And I give Splash some cards to give to the Bureau members, like-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): you know, corporate events, they pay really well.
Ali (as Yashee): No, we wouldn’t mind coming back to Basom.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Also true.
Kyle (as Symbol): That’s fair. It seems like you’ve made good progress here with the people, considering.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): “Considering” is definitely-
[Players chuckle]
Kyle (as Symbol): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): -operative there.
Kyle (as Symbol): And speaking of the Bureau and John and everyone, they’ve actually decided that they’ll be able to stay. Since they’re not able to do the job they came to do, they decided they could stay and help with the mine, which leaves the town in a better situation than we thought we were gonna be able to leave them in. This actually worked out really well. I have to say, A+. [Players cheer] A+ work.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Thanks, Splash. But again-
Kyle (as Symbol): You’re alive.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): -seriously, that was super scary.
Kyle (as Symbol): Yeah, I know. It’s okay. And if, you know, you need to talk to me about anything regarding it, we can and – what is that!
Kyle: -as he points to Zil just standing in the doorway.
[Players laugh]
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, this is my friend. His name is Zil. He’s an undead fish person who I sort of command. But he’s my friend, he’s cool.
Kyle (as Symbol): Is this an Eddie thing?
Spurrier (as Randy): Unintentionally, but yes.
Kyle (as Symbol): Okay.
Spurrier (as Randy): We have a lot to talk about on the ride home.
Kyle (as Symbol): Yeah. Which – you know.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): But hey, where – is Fingerbones here? We kinda have a song we need to teach him.
Kyle (as Symbol): Oh yeah. I think I saw Fingerbones around here somewhere.
Kyle: He points over near the hearth, and Fingerbones is just tuning up.
Goodrich: Okay, can we go over?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey guys, we should go talk to Fingerbones real quick.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, alright.
Ali (as Yashee): Errr.
Goodrich: Go over to Fingerbones.
Kyle: Okay. And he stands up, he’s like-
Kyle (as Fingerbones): Oh hey, hey guys. What’s going on?
Spurrier (as Randy): Fingerbooooones!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Fingerbones, two things real quick.
Kyle (as Fingerbones): Yeah?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): One, we made a little jingle for the sandatee dealer – you know, the only sandatee dealer in town?
Kyle (as Fingerbones): Yeah, yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay. We made a jingle for him, and we should probably teach it to you because we’re leaving. But-
Kyle (as Fingerbones): Aww.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): But, but – do you want to come to Strumlotts with us, Fingerbones?
Kyle (as Fingerbones): I mean, I’d need to apply and wait for the next semester and everything. Maybe I could – you could put in a good word for me.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Do you think that Splash could get Fingerbones in?
Ali (as Yashee): Write him a letter of recommendation or something-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): -before he leaves.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Let’s bring Fingerbones over to Splash.
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: We introduce them, I guess.
Kyle: So this is like “okay, so this is”-
Spurrier: Fingerbones. That’s his stage name.
Goodrich: Fibbledywiz McFlibbs or something.
Kyle: Fibblewicks McFlibbs.
Goodrich: Right, yeah, yeah.
Kyle (as Fingerbones): My name is Fibblewicks McFlibbs, but they’ve been calling me Fingerbones ‘cause they don’t want to say my name, I guess?
[Players attempt to explain]
Kyle: Symbol’s like-
Kyle (as Symbol): I understand.
[Players laugh]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Perfect, instant rapport. So Splash, what would you say about some sort of recommendation for Fingerbones to get into Strum-lotts?
Ali (as Yashee): He is really good. He is really-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): He is really good.
Ali (as Yashee): -quick at learning.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): He’s better than me at the guitar. I mean, that’s a fact. That’s a rock fact.
[Players laugh]
Kyle (as Symbol): Okay. Well, I’ll consider it. I tell you what. Rest up, enjoy the night. I’ll chat with Fingerbones, assess, and if I feel like there’s something I can do, I’ll do it.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Cool.
Kyle (as Symbol): We’ll have to wait till I get back to the school to be able to talk to anybody and put in that word.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Sweet.
Kyle (as Symbol): So…
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, Fingerbones, maybe we’ll see you soon, you know.
Kyle (as Fingerbones): You know, there’s gonna be the Bicentennial at the capital soon. Maybe I’ll run into y’all there?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, yes, maybe?
Spurrier (as Randy): Sure.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Could we maybe be penpals?
Goodrich: Do they have penpals in Beetzart?
Kyle (as Fingerbones): I’ve got a pen.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You’ve got some pals. Aaay, Fingerbones!
Kyle (as Fingerbones): There you go.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay.
Spurrier (as Randy): Well, this has been lovely, but Fingerbones, you keep them bones in your fingers and [Everyone snickers] we’re gonna mosey.
Kyle (as Fingerbones): I will. Be sure to write me.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright. Bye, Fingerbones!
Kyle: And he walks away and Symbol says-
Kyle (as Symbol): Well, I’ve already got lodging taken care of. Dewey — of course the town is ecstatic that, you know … you can see Dogum over there, he’s got so many fish now.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right. Shot out of the well when the water came back, shoot into the air.
Kyle (as Symbol): They just all came back. And you know, of course he’s saying “Fishtus this, Fishtus that.”
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right. Ehh, Fishtus works through people, you can tell him.
Kyle (as Symbol): There ya go. There ya go.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, yeah. It’s all good.
Spurrier (as Randy): Perfect.
Kyle (as Symbol): Absolutely.
Kyle: So you go through the night, you enjoy the libations of the party going on, and eventually find yourself asleep. Same single bedroom, all pile in. Have a good night’s sleep, no weird dreams.
Goodrich: Phew.
Kyle: No meatball dreams.
Ali: Awww…
Spurrier: I guess that-
Kyle: Well, maybe different meatball dreams.
Ali: I’m surrounded by pasta, perhaps, this time?
[Players chuckle)
Kyle: Yeah, absolutely. Big ol’ noodly meatball dreams.
Ali: Or in between two delicious pieces of bread.
Kyle: Mmmm.
Goodrich: Called Randy and Raz’ul.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: So it’s morning time. You’re all getting set up to leave in the cart with Mitch and Symbol. Drew brings over your sandatee and says-
Kyle (as Drew): Okay. You can ride on back with them, or they can follow your cart. I don’t know how you wanna do it, but here. Here’s your sandatee.
Ali (as Yashee): She got everything she needs?
Kyle (as Drew): Yeah, tack and everything, and it’s all set up.
Ali (as Yashee): Got all her possessions, make sure her stall is cleared out?
Kyle (as Drew): Yes. She has everything she owns.
Ali (as Yashee): Her favorite blanket?
Kyle (as Drew): Favorite blanket? Yes. The one with the stars on it.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): She’s got you, Yashee, that’s all she needs.
Ali (as Yashee): I’m her blanket.
Kyle (as Drew): Yeah. Anyway, I gotta get to tending, so …
Kyle: Drew heads out, and you know, waves bye to Sandy the sandatee.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Bye, Drew.
Ali (as Yashee): Okay, Splash, figure this out.
Kyle: When you bring it over, Splash is actually loading up something into the back of the cart. He’s like-
Kyle (as Symbol): This will be delicious. Cool.
Goodrich: Looking at Sandy? “This will be delicious”?
[Players laugh]
Kyle: No, a different package altogether.
Goodrich: Oh jeez.
Kyle: And so, yeah, he’s talking to himself, he’s like-
Kyle (as Symbol): This is gonna be really good, can’t wait.
Kyle: And turns and he’s like-
Kyle (as Symbol): Oh yeah, that’s right, you had a sandatee. Okay, just … Mitch, tether – what’s the sandatee’s name?
Ali (as Yashee): Sandy.
Kyle (as Symbol): That’s right. Go ahead and tether Sandy to the cart. And actually, maybe Sandy could actually help-
Ali (as Yashee): Can she keep up? Is she fast enough?
Kyle (as Symbol): Oh yeah, I think so, at least on the sand, and we can figure out something when we’re out of the desert. So yeah, let’s head on back. We got some travel ahead of us.
Kyle: And before you’re heading out, you’re about to hop into the cart, and a couple of kids with a mom walk up.
Goodrich: Oh jeez.
Kyle: And they walk up to Raz’ul. The kids are kinda looking at the ground, they’re just like-
Kyle (as kids): Mister, you’re … you’re the guy who did the scary stuff with the magic the other day?
Kyle: They’re kinda kicking the dirt, and they’re looking kinda shy.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, yes. Sorry about that. I-
Kyle (as kids): No, you don’t have to apologize. We heard that you actually helped our town out a lot. And … yeah, it scared us, but, uh, it’s actually pretty cool. And those-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It is cool.
Kyle (as kids): We were wondering if maybe you could show us one more time.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, sure!
Goodrich: So I swing down Usumptin and I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [singing, accompanied by acoustic guitar] Oh ho ho, it’s magic, you know, never believe it’s not so, children. It’s magic, you know, never believe it’s not so. [Speaking] Sorry my guitar’s a little out of tune, we just … it’s been through the desert. I mean, come on.
Kyle (as kids): It’s okay. I was more – the magics going on. It’s so cool.
Goodrich: Was it like – the magic, did it make like a little sandatee sparkle.
Kyle: Yeah, it did. It did. And the mom’s just kinda like, has her hands on their shoulders and just like mouths “thank you.”
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Anytime, ma’am.
Kyle: And the kids are kinda like “meh,” and they run off and they’re just running off-
Kyle (as kids): Man, that was so cool! Yeah!
Goodrich: Aww.
Kyle: And it’s time to leave Basom.
Goodrich: And I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Bless my nippers. Bless them all the day long.
Kyle: So this closes the chapter of our time in Basom for now. And…
Goodrich: Fin! Get it? Like you know, the end of movies that says-
Kyle: Le fin.
Goodrich: But it’s like there’s the Gils.
[Players laugh]
Ali: You run off into the sunset.
Kyle: You’re all together. You got Sandy, Zil’s on top of the cart.
Spurrier: He’s faring okay in the sun?
Kyle: Yeah, sure.
Spurrier: He’s not melting?
Kyle: He’s not smelling terrible at all.
Ali: You got him right next to Mitch up there.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: Yeah, Mitch is just like-
Kyle (as Mitch): I don’t know about this.
Spurrier (as Randy): Zil, you keep him company now.
Kyle (as Zil): [Grunts]
Spurrier [as Randy]: It’s a long ride back.
[Players laugh]
Goodrich: Zil’s hand creeps over on Mitch’s shoulder.
Kyle (as Zil): [Grunts]
Spurrier: Just wraps around him.
Ali: His one hand.
Goodrich: And then Mitch says “it’s gonna be a looong drive home” and then the, like, little circle comes down [imitates cartoon sound.]
Kyle: But then it opens back up, listener, and-
[Players laugh]
Kyle: You’re traveling back to school, and you reach the edge of the Strei desert and begin taking the road east back to Strumlotts, with the Hemphills on your left leading to the beginning of the Dragonspine mountain range. You all begin to hear a dull [imitates rhythmic thumping sound] and Mitch calls out-
Kyle (as Mitch): Hey, you should check this out.
Kyle: You stick your heads out to look, and you notice a ship with propellers slowly flying through the air. On the side of the ship, you notice a sigil that you can’t associate with anything related to Beetzart. And as you’re pondering this, you see an explosion where one of the propellers is, then, moments later, you hear it. The ship tilts off center and begins to descend. Seconds later, a large bird emerges from the top of a distant forest, flying towards the ship. The bird grabs the edge of the ship, balancing it out. The ship is able to continue on, and appears to be slowly heading towards the capital, Sundance. Raz’ul, you’re shook by this event more than the others, only because you’ve seen a bird this size one other time in your life, and that was when you met your druid mentor, Reed.
Goodrich: Uh-oh.
Kyle: And we’re gonna stop there.
[Theme music begins playing]
Goodrich: Oh jeez. Bye! Welcome back, Spurrier!
[Players laugh]
Spurrier: Back to school.
[Theme music finishes playing]
Kyle: Hey, this is Kyle. I wanna give a shoutout to Fay Onyx real quick, who is @Writing_Alchemy on Twitter. They opened my eyes up to some representation that was really needed, and uh, just wanna say thank you. Talk to y’all later.