Ep. 18 – Layers and Lairs
[Theme song plays]
Kyle: Hey everyone welcome back to BomBARDed, let’s do an recap of last episode real quick. It started with our bards having and interesting conversation with Squid about- [exhausted sigh] a lot of things but-
[Players chuckle]
Kyle: First he spoke about how the surface should be a jungle and not desert.
Goodrich: Mhm.
Kyle: And the effects of the summoning of the blue moon must have had on the planet and then boasted a little bit about the power of mind over magic-
Goodrich: The gathering.
Kyle: [Softly] What?
Goodrich: Magic the Gathering.
Kyle: Oh!
[Players laugh]
Kyle: Gotcha, but anyway, mind over magic, yes.
[Goodrich laughs]
Kyle: But then we had an intrusion of minds where Yashee had a display of iron will.
Ali: Not getting past this steel trap.
Goodrich: Nope.
Ali: Nah.
Goodrich: Not that one.
Kyle: Not at all.
Goodrich: Not today!
Kyle: But as usual, poor Randy, poor Randy-
Spurrier: Oh Randy.
Kyle: This was not the case-
Spurrier: No..
Kyle: Squid actually probed deeper into Randy’s mind and eventually into Eddie’s mind, which, Eddie kind of freaked about this and did not enjoy it very much so, which caused Eddie to take over and make a finger gun of death that ended up being blocked by a Gil jumping in the way of Squid being the target. But you know this created a little bit of a zombie Gil for you so you know, you’ve got a bit of a partner to go around with you-
Spurrier: A friend for Randy.
Goodrich: Aw. Finally, a real friend for you-
Spurrier: A real friend for Ran-dy!
Kyle: I guess you two aren’t real friends?
[Players all make a noise of uncertainty]
Goodrich: [Softly] Oh no.
Kyle: Squid wasn’t too ha- [Kyle and players burst into laughter]
Goodrich: Quit it, Kyle!
Kyle: Squid wasn’t too happy about this and then decided that the pleasantries were over and retreated back into their lair. So, at that point they said you’d have to kill the Gils if you want to get in and that you probably wouldn't be able to break any hold that Squid had over them. But after beating around the bush, Yashee decided to give it a try by casting charm person and upon it succeeding realized that you should be able to write a song and perhaps all the Gils would come out of being mind controlled. Luckily, you were successful!
[Players cheer]
Kyle: Worked out this time.
Goodrich: Sorry, I know it probably felt a little bit like herding cats but uh-
Kyle: You know-
Goodrich: You’re face-
[Players burst into laughter]
Kyle: If you don’t want to eat what I'm serving that’s fine. It’s okay, Alto Brown can close the kitchen down.
Goodrich: For real.
[Laughter continues]
Kyle: After you broke Squid’s hold over them, they were talking to the Gil you know about the horrific events that have gone on inside and they were pretty much of the mind set of, “I’m not gonna go back in there.”
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: “I’m good.” and they said, “well you can take that zombie Gil with you, it’s already a zombie so, why not?”
Spurrier: Yeah!
Goodrich: Of course.
Kyle: And of course the miners were very much in the mindset of wanting to go in, following the water and everything, and Squid to their surprise “Ah! I guess come on in just watch out for my pet, Ivan.”
Goodrich: Ho!
Kyle: So, that’s where we’re gonna pick up.
Goodrich: Let’s do it.
Kyle: So, you’re walking-
Goodrich: Hold on real quick, so, Erin and the miners can hear Squid in their heads too right?
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Okay, I'm gonna turn to all of you and say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, do you think this guy really knows what we’re thinking? I don’t know- maybe he’s got some sort of P.A. System into our noodle but-
Kyle (as Squid): Yes I know what you’re thinking.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh really? Well, what number am I thinking of?
[Silent]
Kyle: Tell me what number you’re thinking of.
Goodrich: [Laughs loudly] You can’t do that, Kyle!
Kyle: Sure you can! It’s an ability of this creature.
Goodrich: [Defeated] Never mind.
[Players laugh]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It was twenty-two.
Kyle (as Squid): I know.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Aw.
[All chuckle]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Aw crap, he’s got us guys, nevermind.
Spurrier (as Randy): Uh yeah, yeah.
Kyle: So, you finally enter and you’re walking through this hallway and you notice the walls are designed with a spiral texture to it. Kind of a purplish, black rock but you notice in the pits of the spirals there’s like this weird film, like a greyish black film that just lines the walls.
Goodrich: Gross.
Spurrier: Yeah
Goodrich: I say that to you guys, check this out. Nasty. He probably should have cleaned up if he knew he was having visitors.
Ali: Well I go ahead and pull out my Ziplock of fingers.
Goodrich: Oh jeez-
Kyle: Oh- yeah, okay.
Ali: I have two, so I’m gonna pull one out and toss it at that stuff, just to see what happens.
Kyle: Okay-
Ali (as Yashee): Hey, hey watch out! I'm gonna throw this finger!
Kyle: Which finger are you throwing?
Ali: Um, well I'll keep the middle finger.
Goodrich: Right, naturally.
Ali: Keep that one in there.
Goodrich: Right-
Ali: Let’s say the index finger.
Goodrich: Save it for when we finally freakin’ meet Squid dude, say “here’s what we think.”
Ali: Just throw the Ziplock at him-
[Players laugh and agree]
Ali: Figure it out!
Kyle: Okay so, you take this finger and you throw it at the wall and it hits the wall and you see the film that’s lining the crevasses and these nooks and crannies just grasp out and grab it, suck it in and you see it like, dissolve-
[Players groan in disgust]
Kyle: Into this gray-black material.
Spurrier: [Disgusted] Okay..
Goodrich: So much for that-
Ali: We’re not getting that back.
[Players chuckle]
Kyle: And it’s at this time you see the film actually leave all the crevasses and nooks and crannies and coalesces into this grayish, black amoeba-like form. Pieces of it are falling from the ceiling, dripping down, adding to its mass every once in a while, which makes it much larger and it begins to fill your path.
Ali: Oops!
[Players laugh]
Kyle: You hear Squid say-
Kyle (as Squid): This is my pet, Ivan.
Spurrier: Oh.
Kyle (as Spurrier): Ivan Ooze, I guess.
[All laugh]
Goodrich: [Through laughter] Shut up! You suck, Kyle! Here I was about to make a Conker’s Bad Fur Day joke. [Singing] I am the great and mighty ooze!
Kyle: That would have been good too! That works-
Goodrich: You toss in Power Rangers!
Kyle: So [chuckles] let’s roll initiative!
[Players sigh in unison]
Spurrier: Oh boy.
[Multiple dice rolling]
Ali: I’ve got an eleven.
Goodrich: I got an eleven too!
Spurrier: I got an eleven cause it’s eight plus three!
Goodrich: Whoa!
Kyle: Who has the highest dexterity?
Spurrier: Uh, me.
Goodrich: Do we get like, bonus points for all rolling the same number?
Kyle: No!
Spurrier: Bonus round!
Kyle: Who’s got the second highest dexterity?
Ali: I got a twelve.
Goodrich: Mine’s ten.
Kyle: Alright, so that gives me my order.
Ali: Is this another walk in through the door at the exact same time and we all three get stuck?
Goodrich: Yeah-
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali: Like, come on guys. Like, an oversized door but Yashee’s so small.
Kyle: You know what? Yeah! You all move around cause you’re all like, “No you go, no you go!” you’re just all too polite to each other and you waste a round so I'm gonna get an action.
Ali: No, wait-
Kyle: I’m joking, I'm not that mean! I’m just gonna do this real quick. The miners step back and you hear Erin say-
Kyle (as Erin): Whoa-ho! What- what the hell’s that thing!? I ain’t about to tackle with that!
Spurrier: Okay um-
Kyle (as Erin): You three go on right ahead!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): But Boom Queen, you got something that might be kind of helpful in those boom sacks, right?
Ali: [Giggling] Some boom sacks?
Kyle: [Chuckling] Boom sacks.
Goodrich: Boom sacks.
Spurrier: Boom-
Kyle: Sacks boom.
Goodrich: What does she call ‘em?
Ali: I was gonna say boom sticks, you got some boom sticks and some-
Ali & Goodrich: Boom sacks-
Kyle (as Boom Queen): Yeah, I got some boom sticks, let me see- you know, I don’t understand the texture of this area and I don’t want to create like, a huge cave in if-
Spurrier (as Randy): And if that stuff splatters and hits us-
Kyle (as Boom Queen): Taking down a door that’s one thing-
[All agreeing]
Kyle (as Boom Queen): I can control a blast that way but I don’t know how this area is gonna react.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright, alright, settle down.
Kyle (as Boom Queen): Hesitant.
Goodrich: Well, okay, go team!
Kyle: Randy! You are first up in initiative so what do?
Spurrier: Uh okay so, I think to myself-
Spurrier (as Randy): Eddie? Eddie?!
Kyle: What a wonderful world.
[Players chuckle]
Kyle (as Eddie): Hey man, what’s going on?
Spurrier (as Randy): You feelin’ a little more charged up again? After all that?
Kyle (as Eddie): Aw man it’s been like five minutes.
Spurrier (as Randy) Oh..so, you’re not up for doing anything I’m guessing then?
Kyle (as Eddie): I mean, nothing you can’t already do through me. You know what I mean?
Spurrier (as Randy) Does that mean I can cast my spells?
Kyle (as Eddie): Yeah-
Spurrier (as Randy) Alright-
Kyle (as Eddie): You can cast your spells-
Spurrier (as Randy) Okay, cool. That’s what I was trying to get at, okay.
Kyle (as Eddie): I mean, our spells I guess-
Spurrier (as Randy) Our spells, yes. Sharing is caring.
Kyle (as Eddie): Give me some credit.
Spurrier: So, I’m gonna do a chromatic orb at second level and make it a lightening version.
Kyle: Sweet.
Spurrier: I lift up my shirt and say-
Spurrier (as Randy) Alright, you’ve got this, right? You- you're good?
Kyle (as Eddie) Yeah- Yeah, man-
Spurrier (as Randy) Okay-
Kyle (as Eddie) Let’s charge it up.
Spurrier (as Randy) Okay cool. [Distorted] Chromatic orb!
Spurrier: There it is.
Goodrich: [Chuckles] And so it goes.
Spurrier: [Rolls dice] Okay, that is a seventeen plus three.
Kyle: [Chuckles] Yeah okay, that’s definitely going to hit.
Spurrier: Okay so, since it’s a second level spell it will be 4d8-
Kyle: Well, let me stop you there-
Spurrier: Okay-
Kyle: Because I will tell you what happens.
Spurrier: [Bluntly] Oh, good.
Kyle: Your ball of energy, you chromatic orb, produces as normal from your belly button I assume.
Spurrier: Nicely done. Good on Eddie.
Goodrich: I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Take cover!
Kyle: You see it come out and little bits of lightening are streaking off of it, coursing around it; and it goes inside and fuses into this grayish-black ooze.
Spurrier: [Sighs]
Kyle: And you see it swallow it up.
Spurrier: Oh, bad.
Kyle: But then you see this ooze split into two, and now there are two of these oozes sitting in front of you.
Ali: Are they smaller than the one?
Kyle: They are, they’re a little bit smaller than the last ones. The last ones were considered large, these two are medium. You can pretty much assume that this thing is immune to lightening damage.
Spurrier: Of all the times- I've never done lightening once!
[Players laugh]
Kyle: I know-
Spurrier: The first time-
Kyle: I- Listeners, if you could see the grin on my face when he said it, I was just like, “yes!”
Goodrich: Kyle was grinning like an idiot.
Kyle: Yeah!
Spurrier: Of all the things- so many choices, oh well!
Kyle: You still have movement left so-
Spurrier: I still have movement, that’s a positive.
Goodrich: And we have pass without trace active so, can Randy hide? Can we all hide? Cause we were sneaking in here.
Kyle: Yeah you can try but this thing seems to oddly know exactly where you’re at.
Goodrich: Oh boy-
Ali: Okay, well..
Spurrier: I’ll try hiding behind Yashee anyways just in case.
Kyle: Go for it.
Spurrier: That is a nine, plus nine, plus ten.
Kyle: Okay twenty-eight, yeah.
Spurrier: Yeah.
Kyle: Sweet, that’s- you know.
Ali: I think at this point Raz’ul’s still taller than me.
Spurrier: Oh right! Well, I'm ducking down.
[Ali laughs]
Spurrier: Make myself really small.
Kyle: Yeah, just a little bit. Alright, if that wraps that up-
Goodrich: Ha, be my shadow.
Kyle: (snickers) “Well Chance.”
[Goodrich laughs]
Kyle: Oh, not that kind of shadow, my bad!
Goodrich: Speaking of movies from the 90s.
[All sigh]
Kyle: Man that’s a heart- tear jerking.
Goodrich: Yeah. [Shudders] [Jokingly] Trying to concentrate, Kyle!
Kyle: Speaking of concentration. Yashee, it’s your turn.
Ali: Since it knows where we are anyway, I'm going to try to see how it feels about some fire.
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: So, I’m just gonna whisper to Raz’ul-
Ali (as Yashee): [Whispering] Hey, Raz’ul can you light my torch?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, uh-
Kyle: [Whispering] That’s not the line you wanna say.
[Ali laughs]
Kyle: [Whispering] Come on Jim, come on Jim.
Ali (as Yashee): [Whispering] Can you light my fire?
Goodrich: [Laughs, sings] Come on Raz’ul, light my fire. I have a tinder box Kyle, is that cool?
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: You can light fires with a tinder box.
Goodrich: Yeah- how does that work?
Ali: I don’t have a tinder box, so-
Goodrich: How does that work with like, turns-
Kyle: You just do it-
Goodrich: Oh! Okay.
Kyle: You do it.
[All conversing happily]
Goodrich: So I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Singing] Come on Yashee light your fire!
Goodrich: I do it.
Ali (as Yashee): Thanks!
Kyle: Alright, you have a lit torch.
Ali: How close are these things to us?
Kyle: It is within ten feet of you.
Ali: Alright, I'm going to go up to the one on the left and- can I have my torch in front as I inch up to them?
Kyle: Yes, as you’re-
[Overlapping conversation]
Ali: Kind of wave it around? I wanna be on guard, you know?
Goodrich: Yeah, you’re like Ian Malcom in front of the T-rex.
Kyle: So, you do that and it’s like, lurching backwards kind of forming around the flames so that it doesn’t get burned. Are you trying to attack with the torch?
Ali: Well, I mostly just want to see like how it seems to feel.
Kyle: It doesn’t seem to like it-
Ali: I mean if I had a torch of lightening it’d be like “Hey, bring that over here!”
Kyle: Yeah! It would be totally down for that.
Ali: So-
Ali (as Yashee): [Higher pitched] It seems like he doesn’t like the fire!
[Players chuckle]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well then, stick it in here!
Ali: I just wanna throw the fire right at it- throw the torch right at it.
Kyle: Give me a dexterity-based attack.
[Rolls dice, chuckling and ‘awes’]
Ali: Well that’s a six plus one.
Kyle: That hits!
[Players all react in shock]
Kyle: So the flame goes in-
Ali: I toss it right in there.
Kyle: Uhh stick of fire damage, roll me a one d4.
Ali: [Rolls dice, others cheer] That’s a four! Bam!
Kyle: Okay, you see this stick fly into this amorphous blob. It swallows it up just because you threw it at it and hit it. And the fire goes out but you see it kind of curl and bubble around area where the torch was.
Ali: That’s it!?
Kyle: Yeah definitely- what?
[Players laugh]
Kyle: What did you want!?
Ali: I wanted it to turn like hard and molten or something! Like, Aargh!
Kyle: No, it’s already a continuous viscous blob!
Ali: So it just keeps being a blob.
Kyle: Yeah, it bubbled a little bit like, you know- fire, it just continues- it took some damage!
Ali (as Yashee): We need more heat!
[Players burst into more laughter]
Ali (as Yashee) Bring the heat!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright, Raz’ul’s coming to bring the heat. Here we go!
Kyle: Bring the heat everybody. Alright Raz’ul, you’re turn.
Goodrich: So, I'm gonna cast Moon Beam as a third level spell.
Kyle: Mkay.
Goodrich: Would you say that these two- they're right next to each other so would you say they’re in a ten foot diameter?
Kyle: Yeah, they’re- It’s like a ten-foot-wide hall actually.
Goodrich: Oh cool! Well I say- again, it’s a druid spell but you know, the song just works so well-
Kyle: Yeah, that’s fair.
Goodrich: Just for funsies so- one, two, three- [Singing while playing guitar] Moon beam, I'm casting my moon beam! A beam of silvery light that’s ten feet wide, a bright and shining cylinder that’s forty feet high! [Music stops] ‘Kay.
Kyle: Okay so a circle forms at the top of this room and a silvery light begins to flow down. I imagine it looking a lot like Zordon’s-
Goodrich: Yes!
Kyle: Yeah! Imagine it looking a lot like Zordon’s-
Goodrich: Encasing-
Kyle: Encasing, yeah! So, it looks like that but without a face inside it.
Goodrich: It does it just has Raz’ul’s face going- [yells]
[All laugh]
Kyle: Yeah it can, absolutely.
Goodrich: Oh, cool!
Kyle: So you see Raz’ul’s face in this silvery light with this big ol’ grin with this blobs just writhing around from the energy. What kind of damage does it do? I don’t know, you have to roll it- actually no, I have to make a constitution saving throw.
Goodrich: Yes please.
Kyle: Hm, for both of them. [Rolls dice] How does sixteen and eleven do?
Goodrich: Thirteen, so sixteen passes, eleven don’t pass.
Kyle: Okay, so go ahead and roll the damage.
Goodrich: Alright so it’s three d10 since its third level. [Rolls dice, chuckles] Nine, four and three.
Kyle: Mkay, yeah this seems like it works out a lot better than a lightning bolt!
Goodrich: And it’s also supposed to be like a ghostly flame so maybe it’s all like, kinda spooky in this cave.
Kyle: Little spooky?
Goodrich: Sorry, Yashee!
[Ali laughs]
Kyle: Okay so, that wraps up your turn; you still have movement, wanna do anything else?
Goodrich: Nope, I don’t think so.
Kyle: Cool, cool.
Goodrich: I’m cool here.
Kyle: Alright, so it is my oozes turns and one of them is going to try and reach out and bap Yashee with a pseudopod, and let’s see what it can get on here. [Rolls dice] Fifteen I believe does hit.
Ali: Yes.
Kyle: Okay, excellent. So, it baps out and you take [rolls dice] nine bludgeoning damage from it reaching out and slapping you. And you see some of the ooze actually rest on your chest and it starts to sear through a little bit of your clothes and it starts to burn your skin really bad. Uh let’s see, there’s more damage-
Ali: Ow.
[Players chuckle as dice is rolling]
Kyle: You take fifteen points of acid damage-
Ali: Whoa!
Goodrich: Yashee says, “gua-no you didn’t!”
[Players chuckle]
Ali: I guess I’m calling out like, “ouch!”
[All laugh]
Kyle: It burns!
Ali (as Yashee): I’m burning over here!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It wasn’t my moon beam, was it!?
Ali (as Yashee): I don’t think so!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, phew!
Ali (as Yashee): It kind of spit at me!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, jeez!
Ali (as Yashee): Or something!
Kyle: It is the right ooze’s turn. And it’s actually just sitting there and it starts to quiver and shake and you see the surface of it start to ripple. And you just feel this immense energy rush out towards you and I need everybody to make an intelligence saving throw.
[Players react in shock]
Ali: I got a twelve minus one. Kyle, that’s eleven.
Kyle: You’re good.
Spurrier: [rolls dice, sighs] I got a three plus three.
Goodrich: Wha-
Kyle: We’ll see.
Spurrier: Okay!
Goodrich: I got a twelve plus three, fifteen.
Kyle: Okay, so the miners all look like- they grab their head and are like- Oh my god what was that? [Rolls multiple dice] Yashee and Raz’ul you feel this wave come at you and it feels like somethings trying to wrap around your head, but you can’t- it doesn’t hurt you.
Goodrich: It’s like we just feel a migraine coming on and you just down some ibuprofen.
Kyle: Yeah!
Ali: Brain freeze as well.
Kyle: Yeah!
Goodrich: Oh, nice, nice.
Ali: That’s the face I’m making.
Kyle: And Randy, you feel the same feeling but actually it does hurt a little bit so you’re actually gonna take- it would be thirteen but there’s something going on here so you’re only taking six.
Spurrier: Oh okay, sweet!
Spurrier (as Randy) Ah! My mind!
[Players chuckle]
Kyle: And when this happens- when this wave of force hits over you, you notice there is a small flicker of light from the runes on your instruments.
Goodrich: Oh!
Kyle: Yeah, it’s literally just brief, shines on for just a brief moment.
Goodrich: Yikes.
Kyle: And that is the end of my ooze’s turns. Though we are back at the top of the action with Randy.
Spurrier: Kyle, is there any sign that we’ve done any real damage to them yet?
Kyle: Uh, yes-
Spurrier: Like bloodied or-
Goodrich: Blobbied.
Kyle: [Chuckles] Blobbied.
Spurrier & Goodrich: Oozed.
Kyle: The one on the right looks like it- it kind of has pieces slumping off a little portion of it’s body. Seems to be a little bit drippier, and the one on the left is dripping, little bit, not as much as much on the right.
Spurrier: Not as much drippage, okay.
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: Need to check their nasal decongestant.
[All chuckle]
Goodrich: Their Sudafed.
Kyle: Get rid of that drip!
Goodrich: Yup!
Spurrier: Okay um, well now I know that lightening doesn’t work and fire does work let’s just try again. But I'm gonna do it as a first level spell.
Kyle: Chromatic orb?
Spurrier: Chromatic orb, yes, thank you. [Rolls dice]
Kyle: Which one are you attacking? The one on the left or right?
Spurrier: You said the one on the right was more drippy?
Kyle: Yes.
Spurrier: Then the one on the right please.
Kyle: Mkay.
Spurrier: That is a ten plus three.
Kyle: That hits!
Spurrier: Yay! Alright so, 3d8, so if you guys wanna toss a couple d8’s [rolls dice] it’s an eight.
Goodrich: [rolls dice] One.
Ali: Four!
Spurrier: Fire damage I should say I guess.
Kyle: Okay, so you begin casting your spell and Eddie comes out. His two little arms holding this fiery energy and serves it volleyball style.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: So, the ball flies over to the ooze and the ooze engulfs it and you can see the ooze boiling and crackle a little bit. And it starts to deteriorate down and it looks like really on it’s- it’s really drippy now.
Spurrier: Nice.
Goodrich: Gross.
Kyle: Just super, super drippy. Anything else on your turn?
Randy: Might as well hide behind Raz’ul.
Kyle: Okay-
Spurrier: You’re actually the big boy now.
Goodrich: Alright!
Spurrier: [Rolls dice] That is a seventeen plus nine, plus ten.
Kyle: Mkay, noted, and we are to Yashee, what do?
Ali: So, I think I'm gonna tap out some thunder wave on these oozes.
Kyle: Absolutely.
Ali: Since it’s a fifteen-foot cube, can I get both of them in-
Kyle: Absolutely, yeah-
Ali: My path. Great! Alright, well, I'll do that! So little Yashee starts going to town. [Sound of tap shoes]
Kyle: Okay so I need to make a constitution check.
Goodrich: I imagine it’s like, little Yashee’s got her little galoshes on, splash, splash, splash, splash splash!
Kyle: More Splash talk, huh?
Goodrich: Yeah, I know.
[All chuckle]
Kyle: Okay, they both failed.
Ali: Great, well it says- each creature takes 2d8 thunder damage and is pushed ten feet away from me.
Kyle: Cool, cool. Good. For me.
Ali: Oh-
Kyle: Go ahead and do your damage.
Ali: [Rolls dice] Seven.
Kyle: Okay, the one on the right is pretty much just torn apart. Ripped apart into an oozy glob, flies backwards and splatters against the wall and it isn’t coalescing back into any kind of form.
Ali: Yes!
Kyle: The one on the left has shifted back ten feet. It has moved out of the moon beam and it just sits there; it looks like it’s not doing too well. So, that takes us to Raz’ul. Your turn.
Goodrich: Okay yeah, it says on each of my turns after casting moon beam I can use an action to move the beam sixty-feet in any direction.
Kyle: Question real quick.
Goodrich: Yeah?
Kyle: Does moon beam require concentration?
Goodrich: [Pauses] Yes.
Kyle: Cool, you’re not longer within the effects of pass without trace.
Goodrich: Aw! But what if I've been doing sudoku and stuff to kinda [chuckles] keep my concentration up?
Kyle: Nope-
[Players chuckling]
Ali: He was just waiting for that.
Goodrich: I know.
Spurrier: Glorious day for Kyle.
Goodrich: Ally and oop.
Spurrier: So I guess I had a twenty-seven for that stealth instead of a thirty-seven.
Kyle: Yeah, you did. It’s okay, it didn’t result in anything so-
Spurrier: Yeah that’s true.
Kyle: We know now!
[Overlapping conversation and chuckling]
Kyle: So, you move the moon beam.
Goodrich: Yeah, and I just put it right over the glob-bule.
Kyle: The one left.
Goodrich: Yeah, the glob that got away.
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: So 3d10. [Rolls dice] Oh mercy, [chuckles] that’ll be twenty-two.
Kyle: Same thing, this fiery circle just moves over this glob and you just see the ghostly flames going in- and these little flames also look like Raz’ul’s face. And they go in and they just take out little bites. They just take little bites of it, swallowing it up and burning away the rest of this black ooze. And you hear Squid say-
Kyle (as Squid) No! Aw, not Ivan!
Spurrier: Ivan, no.
[All laughing]
Kyle (as Squid): I loved him!
[Goodrich laughs]
Kyle (as Squid): You know what, Raz’ul-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): If you love him you have to let him go.
Kyle (as Squid): Raz’ul you’ve gone too far. You asked for it earlier and now I'm gonna give it to you.
Kyle: Go ahead and give me a wisdom saving throw.
Goodrich: Aw. [Rolls dice] Eighteen plus five.
Kyle: You hear Squid go-
Kyle (as Squid): [Straining] Okay, when your older brothers used to razz you a little bit what would they do? Come on, you can tell me.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No.
Kyle (as Squid): Come on, you can tell me.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No, I don’t wanna.
Kyle (as Squid): Tell me.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No.
Kyle (as Squid): Tell me, I'm just gonna keep saying tell me, till you tell me, tell me-
Goodrich: Did I fail?
Kyle (as Squid): Tell me-
Kyle: No, no, no, above table, you didn’t fail but he is insisting.
Goodrich: Ooh, okay!
Kyle (as Squid): I’ll just do this till you tell me.
[Goodrich groaning as Kyle repeats “tell me.”]
Kyle (as Squid): I will fill your head up with my own voice until you tell me what I want to know. You just keep thinking about what your brothers used to do when they made fun of you-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Guys, he won’t leave me alone!
Spurrier: Are we hearing all this our minds?
Kyle: Yeah you all can hear this.
Spurrier: Okay-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Can you just-
Kyle (as Squid): You can tell me. Come on, what would they do? How- What? Did they make noises like- [Repeating “Nyah” over and over] Come on, Raz’ul.
Kyle: You hear Erin back there-
Kyle (as Erin): Raz’ul maybe if you tell him he’ll just shut up! Ah!
Goodrich: Okay, okay, okay so I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Quickly] Sometimes when I was younger and I was learning how to make potpourri and I wasn’t very good at it, it didn’t smell very good and my brother Dank’ul who was really good at making potpourri that would sometime sing a song that went, “poo poo potpourri, poo poo potpourri, looks like poo and smells like pee.”
[All burst into laughter]
Kyle: The miners all like, stifle laughter as they’re just like- [stifles laugh]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It’s not funny! I really liked doing the potpourri.
Kyle (as Erin): It’s pretty funny, Raz’ul-
Kyle: And you hear Squid just say-
Kyle (as Squid): Poo poo potpourri, poo poo potpourri?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Looks like poo, smells like pee-
Kyle (as Squid): Looks like poo, smells like pee..
[Ali laughs]
Kyle (as Squid): This is an insult? On the surface? We would say, “ha! Tentacles more like eight-icles!” because of how short other people's tentacles were.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I don’t feel so bad anymore. [laughs]
Kyle (as Squid): No, it’s funny if- you don’t have tentacles so you wouldn’t understand!
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle (as Squid): Hmm.. Poo poo potpourri, poo poo potpourri, poo poo potpourri!
Kyle: Kalima!
[All laugh]
Ali (as Yashee): You know I think he’s had enough!
Kyle (as Erin): Oh great now he’s on that poo poo potpourri shtick, way to go Raz’ul!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That’s not what I-
Kyle (as Squid): Poo poo potpourri!
Goodrich: Aw man-
Kyle (as Squid): Poo poo potpourri!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Can we- I dunno, can we play a song to get this dude to shut up? [chuckles]
Kyle (as Squid): You killed my pet you poo poo potpourried, poo pooer.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What?
Kyle (as Squid) You killed my pet! Ivan! You forgot already about my-
[Players burst into laughter]
Kyle (as Squid): You already- [loudly] poo poo potpourri!
Spurrier: Alright let’s shut him up!
Goodrich: Let’s shut him up!
Goodrich: Can we do that Kyle? Can we play a song to get him to be quiet?
Kyle: Yes, roll chord dice!
Goodrich: Okay!
[Electronic music plays]
Goodrich: Well, I hope you’re happy Kyle. You’ve successfully brought up suppressed memories just so you could get a song out of us.
Kyle: Yeah!
[Players laugh]
Kyle: I feel content.
Spurrier: That’s a success.
Ali: Major or minor, right?
Goodrich: Oh, yeah.
Kyle: Yup.
Goodrich: Could we do major please? [softly] I feel bad.
Ali: Yeah.
[All chuckle, multiple dice roll across the table]
Goodrich: So, we’ve got C, D, G-minor and D-minor.
Kyle: Cool.
Goodrich: Drum roll! [coin hits the table]
Ali: Heads, okay. [Dice rolls] Oh, we’ve got ninety-seven and that is reggaeton one.
[Players stifle a chuckle]
Spurrier: Oh boy.
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: [Rolls dice] And ninety-six for the drum set-
Goodrich: Wow!
Ali: And ninety-six is- [excited] oh! Vox kit!(?)
Spurrier: Sweet!
Goodrich: Alright, let’s write up some.. Hush little squidward don’t say a word. Bye, Kyle!
Kyle: See ya’ll in a minute!
[Music transitions]
Kyle: Hey everyone, it’s your dungeon maestro Kyle here just wanted to say thank you again for joining us on our adventure and listening in. Speaking of our adventure we’re going to be wrapping up this portion over the next couple episodes. We'll be getting back to Strumlotts, doing our educational thing, the bards are gonna have a good time running around the school again. So, hang tight we’ll be getting back to that!
If you want to follow us on social media search @bombardedcast. You'll be able to see what we’re posting about and if you want to share our adventure be sure to use the hashtag #bardcast. If you want to send us an electronic mail you can do that using bombardedcast@gmail.com, send us anything you got there, or if you have physical mail we have a P.O. Box for you. Which you can just- send us anything that you have to?
Bombarded
825 Precinct Line Road #512
Hurst, Texas 76053
So you know, send anything you got and we’ll see what it is and uh- yeah!
Don’t forget we have all of the music we put out so far for Bombarded on our bandcamp which is bombarded.bandcamp -dot-dcom...you can take that to the bank, dot-dcom! Anyway- no it’s www.bombarded.bandcamp.com. If you want to check out the Lindby music that we put out- www.lindbymusic.bandcamp.com, that’s up there for you too.
And I'm gonna go ahead and move on to our sponsor this week, which comes from Grapple Seed. Grapple Seed is an all ages web comic that features an exciting adventure in a world where gravity is reversed. This makes every day a struggle falling into the sky, so imagine things like, grocery shopping or going and getting shoes which- why you need them if you’re falling into the sky I don’t know! You’ll have to read it! You can join thirteen-year-old Turner Trent and other colorful characters on a journey of exploration, heroics and hijinks as they discover the truth about their world. You can discover the truths about their world by visiting www.grapplecomic.com. So, they release a new page every Friday but you can follow them on Twitter by following @grappleseed in order to never miss and update so can keep up with what they’re posting- I'll have to check this out as well, I'm very curious this is very- shell silver steeny(?) in a way. So, um, sounds good to me! You should check it out, @grappleseed.
That’s all I got for you this time, so we’re gonna get back in here with what the bards came up with. Hope ya’ll enjoy and talk to you later!
[Music transitions]
Spurrier: So all this squid action is making Eddie a little crazy, so he just reaches out and without Randy even noticing starts to hold out a very low note on the organ to drown out the squid.
Kyle: [Chuckling] Okay.
[Low synth note plays as drums and guitar kick in with a fast beat]
Goodrich and Spurrier: Ohhh Squid E. Vicious
Ali: We’re serving up rhymes, they’re fresh and nutritious
Goodrich/Spurrier: Ohhh Squid E. Vicious
Ali: Ya got bards in your house and that’s inauspicious
Goodrich/Spurrier: Ohhh Squid E. Vicious
Ali: You’re acting like a jerk, yeah, down right malicious
Goodrich/Spurrier: Ohhh Squid E. Vicious
Ali: Don’t try and stop us now, you know we’re ambitious
Goodrich/Spurrier:
Oooh Yashee tell em
Oooh go and get em
Oooh Yashee tell em
Ooooooooooohhhhhh
Goodrich/Spurrier: Ohhh Squid E. Vicious
Ali: Yeah we know this song seems quite repetitious
Goodrich/Spurrier: Oooh Squid E. Vicious
Ali: But you’re up in our mind, so don’t be pernicious
Goodrich/Spurrier: Oooh Squid E. Vicious
Ali: We won’t play along cause you’re acting suspicious
Goodrich/Spurrier: Oooh Squid E. Vicious
Ali: So pour on some sauce, you’ll find it’s delicious
Goodrich/Spurrier:
Oooh Yashee tell em
Oooh go and get em
Oooh Yashee tell em
Ooooooooooohhhhhhh
Goodrich/Spurrier/Ali
Oooh gonna tell ya
Oooh we’re coming for you
Oooh gonna tell ya
Ooooooohhhhhh
Shhhhhhhhhhhh!
Kyle: Okay, so you start performing a song to drown out the noise of squids speaking inside your mind and over the course of performing it and walking down this hall you’re able to- you're able to quiet him. Eventually you notice as you come to the end of your song he’s not saying “poo poo pourri” anymore.
[Players make expressions of relief]
Goodrich: Maybe he just didn’t like the song. Like, “forget this I'm out.”
Kyle: Moments after you stop you do hear Squid chime back in saying-
Kyle (as Squid): Okay, perhaps that was a little juvenile of me.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah. Jerk.
Kyle (as Squid): I will contribute that to the remainders of Jenny in me. So, please, perhaps we can have a civil conversation. Come further.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): O..kay, Squid-E, the E stands for - eww
Kyle (as Squid): I was wondering about that-
[Players laugh]
Kyle (as Squid): What is this E?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Err- stands for “err”
Kyle (as Squid): Stands for err..is that a name of sorts that goes in-between names?
Ali (as Yashee): Yes, it is a name sandwich!
Kyle (as Squid): I-
[Goodrich chuckling softly]
Ali (as Yashee): It is my favorite type of name.
[All laugh loud]
Kyle (as Squid): I don’t know what a sandwich is.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Aw that sucks.
Ali (as Yashee): (sobbing) He doesn’t know what a sandwich is guys…
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Are you crying, Yashee!?
[All laugh]
Ali: Do I have one? I check my pockets for a- do I have a spare sandwich perhaps?
Kyle: Give me a wisdom saving throw.
Ali: [rolls dice] That’s a three.
Kyle: You hear Squid go-
Kyle (as Squid): [With realization] Oh, that’s what a sandwich is. That's..weird. I mean, maybe a different meat in between those sliced things. Maybe brain-
Ali: Oh you’re reading my mind? He's seeing the images of my favorite sandwiches?
Kyle: Yeah, yeah. He delved deeper into your mind to see what a sandwich is. Little curious.
Goodrich: Little hungry too maybe. Little peckish.
Kyle (as Squid): I am definitely hungry. Anyway-
[Players chuckle]
Kyle (as Squid): Speaking of hungry, you wanna come on in?
Goodrich: Yeah, let’s go.
Spurrier: Oh, alright.
Kyle: So you had the path that opened in front of you, you can’t see anything in your way, the stream is flowing down the center.
Spurrier: I’ve decided to name my zombie Gil, Zil, cause it’s a zombie Gil.
Kyle: Okay!
Spurrier: So, I'm gonna call Zil over and ask him to get down, and I'm gonna ride on his shoulders.
Kyle: Okay, yes! Gets down on one knee and the knee becomes a little disjointed but they grab it, shake it and put it back into place. You hear a loud pop and they pat their shoulder.
Spurrier: Yahhhh
Goodrich: Tally-ho!
Spurrier: Tally-ho! On the Zil Gil.
Kyle: You’re riding a Zil.
Goodrich: Zilly-ho!
Ali: Yashee feels very betrayed.
[All chuckle]
Goodrich: Aw!
Ali: How dare you ride on another shoulder!
Spurrier: Well, when you’re back at full size.
Ali: Yeah.
Goodrich: I would ride on your shoulder-
Ali: I have a much better shoulder.
Kyle: You walk in a ways and you enter a circular room with a large circular purple stone to the left that is set into the wall. You also notice that there is a hole in the ceiling through which water is falling.
Ali: It’s just falling onto the ground?
Kyle: Yup, and then it’s causing that stream to go out the door.
Spurrier: I investigate the purple stone.
[Players agreeing]
Spurrier (as Randy): Zil, over here!
Spurrier: [Rolls dice] That is a five plus one.
Goodrich: I got a ten plus one.
Kyle: Ten plus one.
Ali: Thirteen.
Kyle: Thirteen. Okay, how are you investigating this stone? What are you- trying to look at it? Are you-
Spurrier: I’m gonna hope down off of Zil and have him touch it.
Kyle: Okay, you have Zil touch it. He goes, puts a hand on it, nothing happens.
Spurrier: Okay.
Goodrich: Can I investigate it just from having been in the mountains and seeing lots of stones? And saying “hm, purple stone, that’s not common.”
Kyle: You know it’s amethyst but it seems like there’s something off about it, like it’s not a true stone.
Goodrich: ‘kay, aw I'll never be one of the people.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, it’s not a true stone, guys.
Kyle: Yashee?
Ali: Tap it with my hammer? Give it a little tappity-tap?
Kyle: You give it a tap-tap and it resonates and kind of rings a little bit.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): yeah, it’s definitely not a true stone, guys!
Ali (as Yashee): Should I tap it harder?
Spurrier (as Randy): Give it a little bash.
[Players agree]
Ali (as Yashee): All right. Let me give it a nice little smacking.
Kyle: Give me a strength check.
Ali: [Rolls dice] That’s a natural twenty, guys!
[Chorus of “yeah” happens quickly, all laugh]
Spurrier: That was the wrong one, all worked though!
[Chorus of “oh yeaaah”]
Goodrich: Phew! Close call.
Kyle: Right on, okay so, you take your hammer and you just smash-
Ali: Oh plus three, sorry.
[All chuckle]
Kyle: Then you really smash this thing-
Goodrich: You smash smash smash!
Kyle: It smashes and crumbles and there’s an odd little board behind it with markings on there that are unfamiliar to you.
Ali: Is it like a language?
Kyle: You aren’t sure.
Ali: I have- well, for comprehend language I also understand any written language that I see.
Spurrier: Oh, nice.
Kyle: You wanna try it?
Ali: I must be touching the surface on which the words are written, so can I touch it?
Kyle: You can touch it.
Ali: Can we have Zil touch it first?
Spurrier: Oh yeah, make sure it’s not trapped. So-
Spurrier (as Randy): Zil, touch it.
Kyle (as Zil): [Grunts]
Kyle: Puts their hand on it, nothing happens.
Spurrier (as Randy): Thank you, Zil.
Kyle: (as Zil): [Grunts]
Ali: Okay then let me see. Unless anybody else has a different idea?
[Spurrier and Goodrich both say no]
Ali: Let me go ahead and comprehend that language!
Kyle: You put your hand on it to start the spell, but as soon as you do you see it light up to your touch.
[Ali gasps in surprise]
Kyle: And you notice there is a purple circular energy lift of sorts that fills up to that hole in the ceiling.
Spurrier: Ooh, beam us up Yashee!
Ali: I’m gonna let it go real quick.
Kyle: Okay, you let it go and it continues for about like thirty seconds.
Spurrier: Did all of the stuff light up? All of the words? Or the language?
Kyle: Yeah everything.
Ali: I still feel like I wanna know what it says.
Kyle: Go ahead if you wanna use comprehend languages you can go ahead.
Ali: Okay- [drum beat begins] two, three- [sings] read me something good, bow bow, read me, read me, read me, comprehend your language, yeah. [music ends] So, what does it say?
Kyle: It says-
Goodrich: Crimson carrots!
[All laugh]
Kyle: It says a name that you’re not sure how to pronounce, but it basically says “Hey [slurping noise], be sure to install the crystal here.”
Ali: I go ahead and tell them what it says. Along with the [slurping noise] part.
[Players chuckle]
Ali: All of it, I do my best with it.
Goodrich: Do you wanna have Zil-
Spurrier: Yeah- Can you hold your hand up to it again?
Ali: Yup, whomp.
Kyle: Okay, lights up purple.
Spurrier (as Randy): Zil, go to the purple light.
Kyle: Zil walks into the purple light and gets lifted up into the next room.
Spurrier: Cool! Alright, Randy runs after him!
Goodrich: Grab onto his foot as he lifts up! Ah!
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: I’m Mary Poppins ya’ll!
Kyle: Alright, so you all make it up into the room-
Ali: Are we all going?
Goodrich: Eff that, I’m not going up that hole.
Ali: Should we just send you (Randy) up and make sure it’s okay?
Spurrier: Yeah, and see what’s up.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey Randy, what’s up there!?
[Players chuckle]
Kyle: You arrive into the next floor and it’s a much larger circular room, it has three paths that are covered with a large grate. However, there is another ceiling hole and again water is falling through it. What do?
Spurrier (as Randy): Come on up! This thing’s pretty sweet!
Ali (as Yashee): Get on up there Raz’ul and I’ll run and catch up.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Do you want to come with me? Cause I know you got your feelings hurt- I'll let you uh, I'll let you ride on my shoulders!
Ali (as Yashee): [Excited] Oh! Can I piggy-back!?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah!
Ali (as Yashee): Alright!
[Goodrich grunts]
Kyle: You’re small enough, you can piggy-back now.
Ali (as Yashee): Alright, let’s run!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright, here we go! [grunts]
Kyle: You run, get in the lift part and it pulls you up.
[Players whooping and laughing]
Spurrier: Are the miners up there too?
Kyle: Yeah, the miners as well-
Ali: Oh yeah, them!
[All laugh]
Kyle (as Boom Queen): That was different.
Kyle: And they were like holding grappling and rope, so they were just ready to climb.
Kyle (as Boom Queen): Is there another one of these around here?
Kyle: You look around, you don’t see another one but again there is that hole in the ceiling. Erin chimes in, she’s like-
Kyle (as Erin): That’s odd, I mean that Squid guy can levitate. Why even have that? All right.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Good point.
Kyle: As you’re standing there talking about this you hear Squid chime into your head-
Kyle (as Squid): So tell me, are the Lyreions still meddling in your affairs?
Spurrier (as Randy): Who?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What?
Kyle (as Squid): I’ll take that as no then, that’s interesting. So, the surface dwellers of the time we were originally here thought them to be angels of Altonia. You've heard Altonia before, right?
[Players agree]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, we checked out a book from the library.
Spurrier (as Randy): We’ve been having story time.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, we’ve been learning.
Spurrier (as Randy): Learning, yes.
Kyle (as Squid): Good, well really, they were imposters. Here to sow seeds that would bring about your end. They claimed to have brought the voice of the world as a gift to the people of this world, that it would protect them, protect their planet. But they knew someone would misuse it. They had planned that from the beginning. So, a little bit for you if you’re not really sure who they are.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Bummer, I guess.
Kyle (as Squid): Yeah, see now, I know I may not seem like from this world but you can trust- I'll be honest. I'm not gonna lie to you like they lied to your ancestors. I mean, liars right in the name.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right.
Kyle (as Squid): I mean, how could they miss that, right?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Kyle (as Squid): Like I said, I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm going to eat your brains. See? Not lying!
Ali: (as Yashee): Oh, well-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Groovy, okay.
Spurrier (as Randy): Appreciate the honesty.
Kyle (as Squid): Oh yeah, absolutely.
Spurrier (as Randy): Gonna eat the brains now? Later?
Kyle (as Squid): Oh, when you’re ripe.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh okay! Good, good, good. We've got some time.
Kyle (as Squid): Mhm!
Spurrier (as Randy): Do you know when we’ll be ripe? Do we have a date stamped on us or anything?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Do we have an expiration date?
Kyle: You don’t hear a response.
[Players sigh and groan in disappointment]
Kyle: So, you’re in this second area. You wanna investigate around or anything or how are you going to proceed?
Goodrich: Can I do perception instead of investigation?
Kyle: Yes, you can.
Goodrich: [Rolls dice] Nineteen plus five.
Ali: I got a seventeen.
Spurrier: Ninteen plus one.
Kyle: Okay, so you investigate around and of the three grates, you can tell that they don’t really lead anywhere. There is however the middle grate, there’s a curve around, it looks like you can see the end of it.
Ali: But there’s a grate blocking it?
Kyle: Yeah, there’s a giant metal grate over it, like a sewer grate.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well great.
Spurrier (as Randy): Trish you still got anything that goes boom?
Kyle (as Boom Queen): Uh yeah, lemme check real quick and see what I got here.
Kyle: She reaches back into a bag and just pulls out this bob-omb looking bomb.
[All laugh]
Kyle: I’m just gonna go with it.
Goodrich: Okay! It's already lit.
Kyle: Yeah, it’s already lit! Rolls it on over there and large explosion [boom] the grate kind of like sits there for a moment after all the dust and debris clears and then it just- [squeaks and a clatter] lands and it’s open.
Spurrier (as Randy): Nice!
Ali (as Yashee): Perfect!
Goodrich: It’s like The Brave Little Toaster where the a/c explodes and it’s just..[Ali chuckling] super scary.
Kyle: Nah it’s not really scary, it’s more comical.
Goodrich: You scared me talking about it, like I immediately thought of that.
Kyle: Sounds traumatizing.
Goodrich: Yup!
Kyle: [laughs] So yeah, there’s that open now.
Goodrich: Okay um- his mustache was made of grates, that’s why- let's go inside!
Kyle: You get around the corner that was there that was blocking your end of the tunnel vision and you notice that there’s kind of the remnants of a body? Like, really really old dusty bones-
Goodrich: Dry Bones?
[Soft chuckling]
Kyle: And there’s a little glint hiding in the pile of bones.
Goodrich: Loot!
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh uh, Zil, can you go dig around in those bones? Find me that glint.
Kyle: Zil goes over and starts-
Goodrich: Eating the bones?
Kyle: No, he doesn’t start eating the bones.
Goodrich: [Pretends to loudly chew]
Kyle: He starts [groans] and clears it out and he’s holding a flask and he turns around and holds it up.
Kyle (as Zil): [groans triumphantly]
Spurrier (as Randy): Gil, can you pass that on over here please?
Kyle: He walks over and hands it to you.
Spurrier (as Randy): Thank you, Gil.
Spurrier: Okay, I'm gonna investigate the flask. [Rolls dice] That is a thirteen plus one.
Kyle: Okay, you look at this flask, it's an iron flask and it has a bronze stopper on it; and on the flask there is an upside down “A” with a tilda going through the a hole- yes I know what I said.
[All laugh]
Goodrich: I think it’s the “I” epicure? I don’t know-
Ali: Is there anything in the flask?
Spurrier: Yeah, is there anything in there?
Kyle: Doesn’t feel like there is.
Spurrier: I’m gonna open it up.
Kyle: Okay, you open up the flask and you hear like the faintest whisper of winds coming from inside.
Ali: It’s like a seashell.
Kyle: A little bit, yeah.
Goodrich: [Laughing] Hold it up to your ear.
Spurrier: Ooh!
Goodrich: I can hear the booze.
[All laugh]
Goodrich: I can hear the hooch callin’
Kyle: So yeah, that’s all you hear.
Spurrier: Alright, well I'll close it back up and hang onto it for now I guess.
Kyle: Okie-dokie.
Goodrich: Ooh, that’s probably what we’re gonna use to like, suck up Squid Vicious or something- Or! Maybe it’s his pokeball?
Spurrier: That’s right!
Ali: Get in the flask
Goodrich: Like a freaky Tentacruel.
[All laugh]
Spurrier: Alright well there’s nothing-
Kyle: Dead ends there.
Spurrier: I guess we’ll go up? Through the hole? Where the waters coming from?
Goodrich: Yeah, we can get back in that other room and make some like dopes on ropes.
Kyle: And the miners are just like, “yeah let’s get on up there” and they throw up their grappling hooks, get ‘em taught, they shimmy on up.
Ali: Grappling hook!
Spurrier: Acrobatics!
Kyle: Go ahead, yeah, see how sweet you can get up this rope.
[Dice rolling throughout]
Spurrier: An eleven plus nine.
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich: Oh, nineteen!
Kyle: Rolling fire today-
Goodrich: Plus one! Twenty!
Ali: Mines eleven plus four, fifteen.
Kyle: Okay you all manage to get up the ropes deftly.
Goodrich: Can we just walk up like Batman and Robin in the old 60s one where they’re just standing on the wall?
Kyle: Even though there’s not a wall?
Goodrich: Pretending!
Kyle: Yes, yes you can. So you climb up into a room that extends out into a kidney shape and you notice that the stream of water’s flowing from the other side of this room. There is another hole that’s above you as you enter in but you can see at the end of the hallway that there’s barely a door and a half. You just imagine you can't see the other half of the door just because of the curvature of the room.
Spurrier: Mhm..
Kyle: There are a few long tables that have straps on them, one of them you see a Gil person strapped to and it looks like they’ve been eviscerated.
[Players react in shock]
Ali: Does he have his brains?
Kyle:...No. There are no brains.
Ali: He was right, he was right!
Spurrier (as Randy): Zil, cover your eyes!
Kyle: Gil covers his eyes- [groans]
[All laugh]
Kyle: So you see this- you notice there’s a few pedestals with glass domes, some are broken, some intact, as you walk further into the room- or I assume you walk further into the room?
Spurrier: Yeah, we’ll see what’s going on.
Goodrich: Yup.
Kyle: Okay, so you walk further into the room and you can actually see three doors at the end of this hallway. One on the left, one in the middle and one on the right. You notice that there’s another waterfall coming from the room in the middle. The rooms look very shallow, they’re very very small, you can actually see the end of them, and it’s just a small circular room, each of them are. So, the miners went up ahead of you, and they’re walking forward- they’re adamant about following this water path. And there’s a circular table that Trish is standing near and you notice there’s a bunch of inlays in it and there are two hexagonal stones that are placed in these inlays. Trish grabs one and you see her go catatonic in a way, and seize and then drop the stone and it breaks. And you see her, she’s just freaking out and stuttering and mumbling like-
Kyle (as Boom Queen): [Stuttering] D-did anybody else see that?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Are you okay?
Spurrier (as Randy): What happened?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You look like you freaked out there for a second.
Kyle: So she’s pointing and she’s like-
Kyle (as Boom Queen): That- I-..I saw- I saw a vision and I-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What’d you see? We’ve seen plenty of those.
Kyle (as Boom Queen): Well, is saw another one of those squid guys and they were- it looked like they were starting to make markings, like butcher markings on a dwarf.
[Goodrich gasps in disgust]
Ali (as Yashee): Oh like, the different parts?
Kyle (as Boom Queen): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, like marking the-
Ali (as Yashee): The different cuts.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Shudders] A dwarf sandwich.
Kyle: And she looks over at the eviscerated Gil-
Kyle (as Boom Queen): A little like that, but with markings.
[Goodrich makes disgusted groan]
Kyle: She’s like-
Kyle (as Boom Queen): I don’t know about that other stone but ya’ll, I wouldn’t recommend it.
Ali (as Yashee): Nose goes.
[All chuckle]
Goodrich: I put my hand on my nose!
Spurrier: I- oh!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It’s you, Zil!
Ali (as Yashee): Sorry, Zil!
Kyle: Zil picks it up, there’s nothing really happening.
Spurrier (as Randy): Zil, you hang onto that.
Kyle: Zil is just holding it.
Spurrier: Perfect, alright! We can bring it with us in case we need it.
Goodrich: Sweet.
Spurrier: I say we follow the water?
Ali: Alright.
Spurrier: yeah, that seems to be our M.O. here.
Goodrich: Let’s do it.
Kyle: Erin chimes in-
Kyle (as Erin): Yeah, that’s our plan.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You good to go, Trish? Boom Queen? You feelin-
Kyle (as Boom Queen) Yeah, I think I'll uh [chuckles] I think I can muster together- [sighs] that was weird.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): yeah.
Kyle (as Boom Queen): That was real weird.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, yeah the three of us have been waist deep in real weird ever since we started this trip but, onwards and upwards!
[All agree]
Kyle: Alright so, the miners are getting their gear ready and they’re getting the grappling hooks grappled back up so they can toss them back up there. And while they’re doing that you hear Squid come back in and says-
Goodrich: [Sighs deeply]
Kyle (as Squid): So, I understand now that it’s been long enough, perhaps the Lyreions are not around anymore but again, honesty is important here. They approached us about being members of people who operated the voice of the world. They promised at least a person from every race on this world would have a hand in guiding it, controlling it, whatever it was, they wouldn’t share specifics. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to glean specifics and that was the one thing that really deterred us from working with them was we couldn’t, how do I put this? Tap their mind the way we could tap the others of this planet. So, no pun intended, with that in mind we couldn’t accept their offer. And we wouldn’t.
Spurrier (as Randy): So, what did you do?
Kyle (as Squid): We let them deceive your ancestors and when time came, we fled this planet.
Ali (as Yashee): [Sarcastic] Thanks a lot!
Spurrier (as Randy): [Sarcastic] Yeah, appreciate it.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You guys are a bunch of fish sticks!
[All chuckle]
Kyle (as Squid): Again, this is on your ancestors. You were the ones who ruined your own world, again, surprised that there are even any of you left. But that’s fine, nothing wrong with curiosity going both ways-
Kyle: And you hear that same [slurping noise] again.
[Spurrier shudders]
Kyle: A little purr.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Applesauce to this guy, dude. What’s his deal?
Spurrier (as Randy) Well, he’s gonna eat our brains eventually so.
Goodrich: Yeah. He’s like Hannibal like, trying to get to know us first before he eats us. It’s kind of weird.
Ali: It’s like, fattening up an animal.
Goodrich: But he’s like, fattening up our minds.
Ali: Yeah, trying to get our thinkers working.
Kyle: Ooh, good thinking!
Goodrich: Oh my gooosh.
Kyle: You’re hitting the nail on the head.
Goodrich: Let’s just ignore this guy whenever he comes back in next time. I might try that.
Ali: Do we have any little metal hats we can wear ?
Goodrich: Yeah, do the miners have any metal hats we can wear?
Ali: Hard hats?
Kyle: No, they don’t have hard hats.
Goodrich: What?
Ali: Any hard hats lying around?
Kyle: No, no there’s no hard hats. This entire area as you’ve been walking through it looks more like that swirling purple stone. It's very alien-like.
Ali: I should have a hard hat in my disguise kit still.
Kyle: You have a hard hat but it’s- okay- [Ali laughs] you can try to put it on if you want to.
Goodrich: Actually, I have a mess kit and that should have a steel pot and I want to put it on my head.
Ali: I’m gonna put my hard hat on.
Kyle: Go for it.
Ali: And I’m gonna put the mustache on too just cause.
[Players chuckle]
Goodrich: Do you guys have a mess kit too? Cause you can just put a pot on your head.
Spurrier: Nope!
Goodrich: Oh, that sucks.
Ali: No.
Goodrich: Well-
Ali: You’d think I'd have a mess kit!
Goodrich: Yeah, you would.
Ali: but-
Goodrich: Maybe this whole time you’ve just been borrowing mine.
Ali: I mean I have plenty of spoons.
Kyle: You definitely don’t have a spoon in yours anymore.
Goodrich: Yeah, for sure.
[All laugh]
Goodrich: I take out the metal bowl from my mess kit that I sometimes use for potpourri and then I stick it on my head and tie it down with some rope.
Kyle: Okay, you do that.
Goodrich: Yes, remember that, Kyle! Next time friggin’ Squid Vicious comes on the intercom!
Kyle: Sure, okay. I’ll remember you have a bowl on your head.
Goodrich: Alright-
Spurrier: Keep on climbing!
Kyle: Alright so, roll those climb checks, see if you can get up the- you know, the miners have managed to throw their grappling hooks up there, you got some way to climb up there. So give me those checks.
[Multiple dice rolling]
Ali: Sixteen plus four so twenty.
Spurrier: That is a three plus nine, twelve.
Goodrich: Athletics so, five plus three.
Kyle: It’s not too difficult to climb on this rope so I'm gonna say you climb it with a little bit of difficulty like-
Goodrich: There’s water coming down-
Kyle: Yeah exactly, it makes it a little bit slippery.
Spurrier: Well you’re wearing a pot on your head.
Goodrich: Yeah, so I can’t see too. And it’s probably raining on the pot and it’s really loud so I'm like- [grunts] aw jeez.
Kyle: Okay so, you make your way up following this whole stream of water and come into a small oval room. You all see three containment units that are set in the wall. Two are larger, ones smaller and there’s an exit to your left, which is also where the water is flowing from. You notice that the two containment units are open and empty, the smaller one is closed though and you hear Squid come in and say-
Kyle (as Squid): I wouldn’t open that; you would be wasted on that.
Ali: We allll hear that?
Kyle: Yeah you all hear that-
Ali: Even some of us with hats on?
Kyle: All of you hear it, even with hats on.
[Players sigh in disappointment]
Kyle: You can try.
Ali: I’m gonna leave my hat on.
Goodrich: Me too.
Ali: What did he say? I wasn’t listening-
[All laugh]
Kyle (as Squid): You shouldn’t open that; I'd hate for you to be wasted on it. You're for me.
Goodrich: But he did say he’s being honest right? So-
Spurrier: I think it might be best just to-
Ali: Can we look in it? Like, not open it but-
Spurrier: Like, see through?
Kyle: It’s not- it's like clouded over and really dusty.
Ali: Hmm..so curious-
Goodrich: Yeah, I'm not touching it.
[All agreeing]
Goodrich: He’s been pretty honest.
Spurrier: For someone that says their gonna eat your brain.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I mean Yashee, you’re free to look in there if you want to-
Ali: Well, what are the other containment things? Are they just empty?
Kyle: They’re just empty and they look like they could fit a standard size humanoid in them.
Ali: Oh, okay.
Kyle: You hear Squid say-
Kyle (as Squid): The next room I think you’ll find interesting. Your companion- that's not right, doesn’t feel right based on what you’re thinking- Jermaine came down last night-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh! Jermaine! That’s who's book we’re borrowing, we’re just here to give it back to him.
Kyle (as Squid): Well, you won’t be giving it to him. I mean, it may look like him still but- heh, he was into some weird things while he was down here. Interesting fellow, and he gave me quite a bit of information. But he seemed dedicated which is why I decided to turn him.
Ali (as Yashee): Instead of eating his brains?
Kyle: (as Squid): Yeah, some people earn their right. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That sucks.
Spurrier (as Randy): We’ll go say hi I guess?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, let’s go.
Kyle: Mkay, you walk in and it’s a short hallway that enters into a room that extends left and right. You can see that there are several of the same containment units that you just saw in the previous room that are installed into the wall. A number of them are empty save for two. And there are passages to the left and you see there’s a port hole that you could go left through or there’s a passage you could go right through. The water seems to be streaming from the left- or doesn’t seem to be- the water IS streaming from the left. And you hear the sounds of a waterfall coming from that direction as well.
Spurrier: Water? Water-
Spurrier & Goodrich: Everywhere-
Spurrier: Let’s follow it cause that’s why we’re here?
Ali: Nothing looks suspicious about the one on the right? It's just there?
Kyle: You can see it goes up hill.
Ali: Okay.
Kyle: It actually climbs.
Ali: Water.
Goodrich: Water?
Spurrier: Water!
Goodrich: H20!
[Ali giggles]
Goodrich: Ga-tor-ade
Kyle: You walk in that direction and you can actually see inside of one of the containment units closed. You see a figure standing in there.
Goodrich: Is it Jermaine shaped?
Kyle: You don’t know, it looks like a humanoid.
Ali: I’m gonna knock on it-
Ali (as Yashee): Hello!
[Players laugh]
Kyle: You just see a hand press up against it-
Ali: [yells]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yashee, look out!
Kyle: And it smears down the glass.
Goodrich: Like in Titanic?
Kyle:...Yeah, but not sexy.
[Players laugh]
Goodrich: Do you do it back to them but like, on the outside?
Ali: I’m scared a little bit- no!
Goodrich: All Star Trek style?
Ali: I think you hear Yashee let out like a blood-curdling scream.
Goodrich: Oh no!
Kyle: Yeah?
Ali: I can’t do it.
Goodrich: Do it.
Ali: It’s too high.
Kyle: Yashee screams out and-
Ali: [Screams]
Kyle: And you all turn to notice there’s a hand pressed up against the containment glass.
Ali (as Yashee): There’s someone in there!
[Goodrich and Spurrier gasp in shock]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Is it Jermaine?
Ali (as Yashee): I don’t know!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Let’s open it up.
Ali (as Yashee): Are you Jermaine!?
Kyle: And there’s no response really, you just see that hand resting there.
Goodrich: Aw jeez..
Ali (as Yashee): Anyone else? Anyone else wanna look at it?
Kyle: You wanna try to open it up? I thought I heard somebody say that.
Goodrich: I open it up.
Kyle: Okay.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Guys, get behind me.
Ali: Maybe we should have stuff ready in case it-
Goodrich: Oh, we should have Zil open it!
Spurrier: Yeah okay, well let's all have our weapons ready and drawn.
Kyle: Zil goes over and tries to open it up, let’s see what happens here..Zil goes over-
Goodrich: Zil explodes!
Kyle: And like tries getting a grip on each side of it where it’ll pull down. And it starts to pull down a little bit from the top down and Zil’s pulling really hard, one of his arms slips just like, sluggish and then the other one kind of just rips off of his body and stays hanging there, and he looks for a second, reaches up, grabs his arm and tries to just place it back on there sticking it in but it doesn’t- sticks it there, lets go and it just falls to the ground and it looks down at it like-
Kyle (as Zil): [Groans]
Ali (as Yashee): Don’t give up, try twisting it! Sometimes you just gotta find the right way to get it. I've had this problem before.
Kyle (as Zil): [Enthusiastic groan]
Kyle: And he gestures towards Randy. He looks at you and waves his single hand-
Kyle (as Zil): [Happy groaning]
Kyle: At Randy.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah it’s fine, you can leave it.
Goodrich: Was that the one that was holding the hexagonal thing? It didn’t break, did it? [silence] Kyle!?
Kyle: I forgot about that.
Spurrier: Does he have like, pockets or anything?
Kyle: Yeah he put it in his pocket before. It's like a tunic but you know, it’s got a pocket for the hexagonal stone.
Spurrier: Okay, perfect! Should we keep going?
Goodrich: Does it seem like the persons still alive in there
Kyle: Yeah I mean, they put there hand up there.
Ali: Maybe we could just peak in a little bit?
Goodrich: Well none of us are tall enough anymore.
Ali: How tall is it?
Kyle: Oh you know, it stands about seven feet tall but there’s some steps nearby like, stepstools that are built into the thing.
Goodrich: They’re very courteous here.
Kyle: It’s more so just the design, the way the place is designed. Everything really curved, there’s a lot of you know, circles, ovals, and stuff like that so the wall is a little bit curved, you could probably work your way up with the grooves that are in there and everything.
Goodrich: We could just break the glass with a spell, how does Eddie feel about that? Just kidding, just kidding!
Spurrier: He’s probably tired.
Kyle: You could break the glass with the axe that you have that you’ve never attacked with!
[All laugh]
Goodrich: Okay so uh- I have attacked with it! I've waited just a long time Kyle.
Ali: Remember the second episode?
Goodrich: Okay I’ll stand up and say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, I do have an axe so-
Goodrich: I swing it off my back, into my hands and say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Heeere’s Raz’ul!
Ali: Can you just use it and like, pull it down-
Kyle: That’s not what he said he did-
Goodrich: I’m breaking it.
Ali: Okay.
Kyle: He broke the glass and- you break the glass and Jermaine falls out-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Whoa, I got you buddy!
Kyle: And he’s kind of oozy covered-
Spurrier: Gross.
Kyle: Naked, and you look at his face and see- and you can tell there’s something underneath his cheek wriggling around.
Goodrich: Ugh!
Kyle: And you see it wriggle for a moment and then disappear.
Goodrich: I reach in to try to grab it.
Kyle: It’s under his skin.
Goodrich: [Surprised] Oh!
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Jermaine-
Goodrich: I smack him on the face.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Jermaine, Jermaine!
Kyle: No response, he is out.
Goodrich: I do CPR now!
[Players chuckle]
Kyle: You do CPR- as you’re doing CPR-
Goodrich: It doesn’t try to get in my mouth, does it?
Kyle: No, no, It's under his skin.
Goodrich: Okay, phew.
Kyle: You haven’t seen what it may be. But you’re giving CPR-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Don’t you die on me!
Kyle: Yashee and Randy, you notice as he’s giving CPR- Randy, is there anything about Jermaine you’d like to check out?
Spurrier: Uh, his bandage.
Kyle: It’s not there, man. It's not there. You know what is though? It's a symbol for a cult that you recognize. The cult of Daris Mur, that same symbol that you found on the pendant back in Wesley’s place.
All: oooh!
[Goodrich frantically pretending to give CRP]
Kyle: At this point you actually hear Squid Vicious walkthrough through the hallway from the left. He walks up and says-
Kyle (as Squid): you’ve disrupted his sleep, his transformation, this can’t be. And you seem to be surprised by that symbol on him. Any reason why? Do you know anything about…Delerim I think it was is who sent him here?
Ali (as Yashee): Delerim!
S&G (as Randy and Raz’ul): Delerim!
Ali (as Yashee): We’ve heard that!
Kyle (as Squid): Good job, Yashee.
Spurrier (as Randy): You can read minds, I can imagine you already know the score.
Kyle (as Squid): Well yes, I'm just making sure. Are you followers like he was a follower? Abandoning the post to do what his master wanted him. This is why I've decided to transform him, he will be good for us.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, we’ve got a pendant but no, not super savvy on his people. Again, I'm sure you know this but,you know-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): We met a guy named Wesley.
Ali (as Yashee): He did experiments.
Kyle (as Squid): Yes, Wesley passed along the message from Delerim to him. They were thinking that, like you did, that a meteorite had landed. He was sent here to try to reclaim some materials that might have helped them in their experiment. He doesn’t know what the experiment is unfortunately, so I don’t either. But whatever it is, they’re really happy to get at it. Even disobeying bureaucratic law according to your surface government. People are strange.
Goodrich: When you’re a stranger! Like you, buddy!
Kyle (as Squid): I think we’ve had enough conversation. I think you’re ripe enough-
Spurrier: That was quick.
Ali (as Yashee): I don’t feel ripe at all! In fact I- you know- I'm still a little green!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yashee hasn’t even grown up yet!
Ali (as Yashee): I mean look at me, I'm all green!
Kyle (as Squid): Oh no, I can sense the perfect mixture of chemicals released in your brain for the perfect meal. Now, for the easy part.
Kyle: Squid crosses their arms over their chest grabbing their shoulders, Squid’s eyes close and his brow furrows. They quickly undo their arms and put them outstretched in your direction. A wave of energy fills the room, washing over everyone. Big Shot, Boom Queen, and Whimpy look dazed and then suddenly collapse to the ground unconscious but you three don’t feel anything. It's as if nothing happened at all. You look towards the miners then look towards each other, and as you’re looking at each other you notice that your instruments are glowing, and those runes that had appeared before on your neck in the song previous to this episode; you notice those are glowing as well. You kind of have the same sense that you had earlier when the oozes had done a psychic attack on you, but you’re not feeling anything. You're feeling the sensation but not the pain, especially you Randy, having actually felt the pain of it before.
Spurrier: Phew.
Kyle: And at this point it’s when Squid in this moment looks very confused and says-
Kyle (as Squid): [Panicked] This has only happened one time- this can’t- no- I was able to- you're not one of them are you?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Probably not.
Spurrier: Hopefully.
Kyle: We’ll have to find out next time!
Goodrich: Aw!
Kyle: Or maybe not! We’ll see!
-----
Transcripts by: Gabi Cardone
Twitter: @peachdoodles