Ep. 17 – Oh No You Squidn’t!
Goodrich: [Singing] It’s episode seventeen!
Goodrich & Kyle: [Singing] And you know what I mean!
Goodrich: [Singing] And the way he looked was like a big’ol squid boy!
Kyle: Yeah!
[All laugh]
[Theme song plays]
Kyle: Hey everyone, welcome back to BomBARDed. Thank you for joining us, let’s recap last episode real quick. So, last time the bards finally reached the bottom of the hole created by the meteorite and they found themselves in a small room of an underground cavin- cavern-
Goodrich: Cavin!? [Laughs]
Kyle: Cavern. When they ran into an old stalagmitey monster that impeded their path.
Goodrich: Stagemitey, nice, yeah.
Spurrier: Mmh!
Kyle: You were able to make it past and run away which, listeners it’s very important to realize you can run away in D&D, and it might make the difference between life and death.
Ali: We’re still new at this.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: You gotta learn.
Goodrich: We did bravely run away.
Ali: Yeah.
Kyle: You bravely ran away.
[Goodrich humming]
Kyle: Just like somebody.
[Snickering and humming]
Kyle: So, at the end of the passage you found a larger cavernous area and this is where you met an odd little person who was choking on a squid. Luckily though through some teamwork you bards were able to get that squid out of there and save this strange person's life.
Goodrich: Oh, Gil.
Kyle: Yup, it was Gil! You found Gil, so-
[Players chuckle]
Kyle: And they let you know about how Jenny had come through and convince the rest of the tribe that she was able to get them past the door and that she was the god behind the door. So, Gil explained how the high priest used to do this ritual to try to entice the god to get them to open the door. Despite it having never worked it was something that they did and this door was supposed to lead them to paradise. He doesn’t know what Jenny did to get them passed the door but everyone else has been gone for quite some time. You as bards agreed to help Gil and-
Goodrich: Do the only ritual that we know how to do!
Kyle: That’s right! You tried to, you know, knock down the door with your bardic magic, but despite your best efforts, and I mean that, I really enjoyed the song.
Goodrich: [Jokingly] Yeah sure, whatever.
Kyle: Yeah okay, don’t believe me that’s fine-
[Players laugh]
Kyle: I’m just your trusting DM, right?
Goodrich: You’re our farming DM like, “oh great job guys, hang on.”
Kyle: Yeah let me get my parsnips, yeah no. I don’t play that parsnip game anymore, all hops and beer yo. [Quickly] Stardew Valley, get it.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: Anyway but, despite your best efforts you weren’t able to get the door open. Boom Queen started to do her thing but in the middle of setting up dynamite and whatnot the door actually began to open, and out walked a group of other Gils and a large alien looking creature that greeted you and the miners by name and introduced themselves as Squid Vicious. So-
Goodrich: So, it's not Fishtus?
Kyle: No, it’s not Fishtus.
[Players chuckle]
Goodrich: Got it.
Kyle: Not Fishtus, Squid Vicious.
Goodrich: Yeah, I got you.
Kyle: So-
Goodrich: Real quick, before we start, Yashee is still tiny Yashee?
Kyle: Yes, Yashee is still tiny Yashee.
Goodrich: And as far as me- I cast pass without trace last time and it’s only been what? Five, ten minutes?
Kyle: It’s been about ten minutes or so, say, you haven’t really- nothing's really broken your concentration.
Goodrich: Okay yeah, I have concentration on it up to an hour.
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: So, great. We have to try to be hiding in order to-
Kyle: Exactly.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: And right now you are not hidden, you are easily seen by this group of Gil looking like creatures and this alien looking creature. So, let’s just go ahead and start there.
Goodrich: Phew! I thought you were gonna say, “so uh, let’s go ahead and start some initiative!”
[All laugh]
Kyle: Not quite.
Goodrich: Not quite.
Kyle: We’ll see what happens. So, you stand before this squid-faced creature with a gaggle of Gil’s in front of them and you know that feeling that you’ve had like somebody’s been looking over your shoulder?
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: Okay, that’s stronger than it ever has been so far.
Goodrich: I look over my shoulder for posterity.
Ali: Just once more.
Kyle: No one is behind you, that is just us. Then you hear him switch over to speaking telepathically-
Kyle (as Squid Vicious): Back here-
Kyle: He points to his head.
Kyle (as Squid Vicious): Sorry, that’s unnatural for me. Do you mind?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Mind? Uh, what?
Kyle: And Squid coughs, and you see the forth tentacle resurface from underneath the other three, which they lift up from the cough and you can see a circular mouth.
Goodrich: Like Zoidburgh?
Kyle: A little bit, yeah!
[Players laugh]
Kyle: [Imitating Zoidburgh] Why not? Come on everybody! You hear Squid’s voice continue in your head again.
Kyle (as Squid Vicious): There, much better. Now, tell me what is it that brings you down he- oh! Right, it’s right there on the surface. You're looking for Jenny and trying to fix the source of water for the Oasis? In the desert town- the desert? There’s a desert up there? There shouldn’t be a desert up there.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh? Yup, totally a desert.
Kyle (as Squid Vicious): Interesting.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, hey.
Goodrich: And I turn to the miners, I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It’s always been a desert, right? I mean, you guys aren’t holding out on us right you? [chuckles]
Kyle: Erin speaks up, she’s like-
Kyle (as Erin): I mean, yeah! It's pretty much been a desert as long as we’ve been here.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yup desert, one hundo percent desert up there.
Spurrier (as Randy): Any reason it shouldn’t be a desert?
Kyle (as Squid Vicious): Hm, well uh, when we were here this area was a jungle. To the north we had the ocean.
Goodrich: Oh.
Spurrier (as Randy): And when was that?
Kyle (as Squid Vicious): Many, many generations ago from when we first left this planet. We first left this planet when the blue moon was summoned by your ancestors. Something- what's that creeping in there? You've seen this happen. You found one of our Qualiths.
Spurrier (as Randy): Qualith?
Kyle (as Squid Vicious): It’s how we document certain aspects of our life. We use them for different purposes. It was a stone of sorts, or may have looked like stone.
Goodrich & Spurrier: [Realization] Ooooh!
Ali: The stone! The stone!
Goodrich: The- [laughs] the stone! The stone! Says tiny Yashee. [Imitating Yashee] The stone! The stone!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Do you know anyone named Jirah? She had one of those.
Kyle (as Squid): I do not know-
Ali (as Yashee): She was from Not-Basom.
Goodrich: Yeah she- [laughs]
Kyle (as Squid): Okay?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): There’s another town a little bit further north from here, mostly ruins now, maybe, could have been jungle, I don’t know. But they had one of those stones and we all touched it and was lights out for us for a little awhile.
Kyle (as Squid): That makes sense. That’s actually one of our surface colonies that we were able to shadow run.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, yup it’s full of jackals.
Ali (as Ali): Whoops.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well really now it’s full of-
Ali (as Yashee): A bunch of ruins.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, don’t worry about it. Anyways, yeah so we saw a couple of moons.
Goodrich: I mean, the moon is up there right?
Kyle: Yeah.
Goodrich: So the moons is still a real thing that is in the real sky? Not in some vision?
Kyle: No, no yeah, it’s then- when you had the vision you realized that moons still around.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, the moon’s still around, it’s up there. Not a while lots changed other than Jenny’s gone and the meteor crashed down here and that is why we’re here.
Kyle (as Squid): Yes, you think it’s a meteor, right. How quaint. Well perhaps- I guess a summoning of that blue moon was more detrimental to the planet than I thought.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I mean-
Kyle (as Squid): I wonder how people even survived. It's- Mm..
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, I was never good at history.
Goodrich: How tall is this dude?
Kyle: They probably stand about seven foot or more.
Goodrich: Aw, that was old Yashee height.
[Ali laughs]
Goodrich: Do you look at it and say, “aw I miss it.”
Ali: Like, wow must be nice up there.
Goodrich: [Chuckles] I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, Squidward? Err-
[All laugh loudly]
Goodrich: Squid Vicious?
Kyle: Squid Vicious.
Goodrich: Does he play-
[All sigh like Squidward]
Goodrich: Does he play a clarinet, Kyle?
Kyle (as Squid): What’s a clarinet?
Goodrich: Yeah, anyways-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey Squid, hang on one sec.
Goodrich: And I kind of look behind you, Randy, and I lift up your shirt-
[Players laugh]
Goodrich: I lift up the back of your shirt to see if your little glowy thing is activating more hard core than it is.
Spurrier: I mean, I can’t see it-
Kyle: You turn around-
Goodrich: Looking at me, yeah-
Kyle: You don’t see anything happen.
Goodrich: Oh. And I put your shirt back down.
Spurrier: Put your finger in it?
Goodrich: Oh yeah, I do that too.
Spurrier: Thank you.
[All chuckle]
Goodrich: Ugh, this has a feel.
Ali: I mean if you’re gonna go back there.
Goodrich: Yeah!
Spurrier: When in Rome, yeah.
[Players laugh]
Kyle (as Squid): Interesting, I have to say I'm curious as to why you’re referencing the splashes on-
Goodrich: Yup, yup-
Kyle (as Squid): Symbols -
Goodrich: Splash, he’s up there too.
Kyle (as Squid): The symbol’s on Randy’s back.
Goodrich: Symbol, also up there.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, no that’s whenever we meet someone new [softly] it’s sort of a customary greeting we have. Lift up the shirt, poke the back, nice to meet you.
Kyle (as Squid): Surface dwellers have changed after eons. Well, it’s a shame that not all of us made it considering there is a Qualith left here that documents that terrible event. But, I suppose it’s best we got out of there when we could.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah but you’re down here now.
Kyle (as Squid): Yes, we have returned.
Goodrich: Oh!
Kyle (as Squid): We’ve come back to see if-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So, you came in the asteroid, or meteor is what you’re saying.
Kyle (as Squid): Sure, meteor, yeah. No, it’s not a ship we could have ridden in on.
Goodrich: [Laughing] ‘Kay-
Kyle (as Squid): It’s a ship.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, can we see it? Is that cool?
Ali (as Yashee): It’s a rock-et ship?
Kyle (as Squid): Maybe.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Rock-et-
Ali (as Yashee): Rock..et ship.
Kyle (as Squid): What’s a rocket ship?
Ali (as Yashee): You know, like a meteor, rocky materials?
Kyle (as Squid): Oh I see.
Ali: I was making a joke [chuckles]
[All laugh, overlapping conversation]
Kyle (as Squid): Sorry, humor is not quite my forefront.
Goodrich: Forte, missed it again, Kyle.
[Players laugh]
Kyle: Oh, too bad I'm playing a character-
Goodrich: [Laughing, jokingly] Too bad I'm trying to roleplay with you jerks in here!
Kyle (as Squid): Tell me, I'm curious and I want to know if you happen to be- [slurping sounds] curious too.
Kyle: And you see when he says curious their tentacles kind of quiver a little bit.
[Someone shutters]
Kyle (as Squid): I’m sure you’re wondering why your song may not have worked on the door. You may- you seemed pretty confident when you started off. Curious as to why?
[Goodrich and Spurrier hesitantly say yes]
Ali (as Yashee): I mean, we’re still learning.
[Players laugh]
Spurrier (as Randy): We did rock those rocks.
Ali: Yeah.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: Yes.
Ali (as Yashee): Getting better all the time.
Kyle (as Squid): Unfortunately, you see we do not rely on magic to complete our tasks, we rely on our minds. And when something is made of the mind, only the mind can open it. The mind is magic enough for us, and magically delicious too.
[Players chuckle]
Kyle: You see his tentacles quiver again a little bit.
[Goodrich shutters]
Kyle: And Squid looks at Yashee.
Kyle (as Squid): You..I expected you to be..taller?
Ali (as Yashee): I normally am.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, she’s kind of like the mitochondria, the powerhouse of the bards.
Ali (as Yashee): Can we- give me a little bit of time, I'll be ready.
Kyle (as Squid): Okay, well that’s-
Ali (as Yashee): Then we can talk face to face up there.
Kyle (as Squid): That’s fine, size doesn’t change what’s in the mind.
Kyle: Yashee, go ahead and give me a wisdom saving throw.
Goodrich: Oh boy.
[Dice rolls]
Goodrich: Nailed it.
Ali: That’s a fifteen.
Kyle: It looks at you and goes-
Kyle (as Squid): Hm, a thicker skull than I thought, that’s fine.
Ali: I knock on my head a bit-
[Players laugh]
Goodrich: Dunk, dunk.
[laughter]
Kyle (as Squid): Well, okay then.
Goodrich: [Imitating Yashee] I’m a barbarian-
Ali (as Yashee): It’s just right, I think.
[Players laugh]
Kyle (as Squid): Randy, I'm curious how they fit so much inside of you. Your mind is a busy one.
Ali (as Yashee): He’s bigger on the inside!
[Players chuckle]
Kyle (as Squid): Oh, I can imagine.
Kyle: Randy, give me a wisdom saving throw.
Spurrier: Oh boy. [Rolls dice] That is a ten plus one.
Kyle: Mkay. Randy, you hear in your head- I mean, everyone hears this, again, speaking telepathically.
Kyle (as Squid): Randy, why haven’t you gone back home? What’s stopping you?
Spurrier (as Randy): Um, well.. I don’t think I- well, I don’t know this but I feel like I wouldn’t be welcome?
Kyle (as Squid): Hm.
Spurrier (as Randy): Better to be out on the road then have to worry about facing..that.
Kyle (as Squid): Mkay.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, but he’s got us now! So you know, it’s all good.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah! Exactly!
Kyle: Squid looks at Randy and says-
Kyle (as Squid): I guess it’s whatever you gotta tell yourself to keep going, huh?
Spurrier (as Randy): Y-yes.
Kyle (as Squid): Okay.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yes, yeah.
Kyle (as Squid): Who is uh, who is this that’s joining us? Is that? Eddie, is it?
Spurrier (as Randy): Uh, yeah that’s his shorthand. It's Eddie Izzard the Gizzard Wizard, if you want to be formally-
Goodrich: [Laughing] Introduced.
Spurrier: Yeah, exactly!
Kyle (as Squid): That is a very interesting name to give it.
Kyle: At this point, everyone hears Eddie begin to speak. Meaning like, Yashee and Raz’ul you can hear Eddie, and Eddie is talking to Randy specifically. You hear Eddie-
Kyle (as Eddie): Hey buddy, I uh-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Screaming]
Kyle (as Eddie): I uh, don’t like this guy-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That’s what Eddie sounds like!?
Kyle (as Eddie): You need to do something here before I do or neither of us are gonna be able to do much of anything. Catch my drift?
Ali (as Yashee): No wonder you keep giving in. That’s-
[Players chuckle]
Ali (as Yashee): I don’t like that.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No way dude.
Ali (as Yashee): Ugh, I do not like that.
Spurrier (as Randy): Uh, so Eddie- wait, oh. Why? Do you care to elaborate?
Kyle (as Eddie): I just- I don’t- there’s something I don’t trust about this guy. I mean-
Kyle: And you hear Squid say-
Kyle (as Squid): Eddie, why don’t you say hello? Everyone is listening.
Kyle (as Eddie): [Growing nervous] See, this is what I'm talking about man! This guy’s weird and I'm not talking I mean like, I'm weird man but he’s way-
Ali (as Yashee): Pot calling the kettle over here, jeez!
[All laugh]
Kyle: And Squid pops up-
Kyle (as Squid): Eddie, I’m not going to hurt anyone yet but I do wonder if I can see where you’ve been.
Kyle: Squid looks to be concentrating intently towards you, Randy. And Randy, you begin to hear Eddie scream. In fact, you all begin to hear Eddie scream. Randy, it feels like someone is-
Goodrich: You wanna, you wanna give us a little-
Ali: What you got there?
Goodrich: Give us a little-
Kyle (as Eddie): [Screaming in pain]
Kyle: And it feels like someone is writhing around inside of you, Randy and it causes a mild discomfort in your tummy.
[Players gasp]
Ali: Oh no!
Kyle: You begin to feel nauseous and on the verge of vomiting when you feel something inside you snap. Raz’ul and Yashee, you see Randy buckle over in pain-
Goodrich: [Gasps]
Kyle: And when he does you can the mark on the tattoo searing through his clothes. Energy from the mark is strongly emanating, lifting Randy’s hair slightly and it begins to overflow and starts to take form as Randy’s mage hand, making a finger gun. A ball of black and purple energy begins to form at the tip of the fingertip and from under Randy’s shirt you see that familiar creep of Eddie’s essence float around to Randy’s back and wrap around the thumb. You all hear Eddie screaming-
Kyle (as Eddie): I’m telling you, kill this thing!
Kyle: Eddie pulls the thumb back and releases it, causing the ball to fire off in a bolt of energy towards Squid. Just-
Ali (as Yashee): Hit the deck!
[All laugh]
Kyle: Everybody, get down!
Goodrich: I also take my finger out of Randy’s back too just for-
Kyle: Yeah, this is happening after that for sure.
[All chuckle]
Goodrich: I know, I'm just kidding.
Ali: He had his finger in there this whole time like-
Goodrich: I’m like, plugging a hole like- [panicked grunting]
Kyle: So just before it reaches Squid one of the Gils jumps in front of Squid and is struck with the bolt and falls to the ground motionless. The energy that is pouring out of Randy begins to recede back into the mark and along with Eddie who returns to his navel base.
[Players laugh]
Goodrich: [Laughing] Forget you, man!
[All laugh]
Kyle: Randy, you come to not knowing what just happened. You feel tired like you just run a bunch of obstacle courses, other than that you feel like you’re back to normal. And you hear Squid laugh surprisidly and is like-
Kyle (as Squid): [Laughing] Whoa, that’s very different.
Goodrich: I reach out and I pat you on the back-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You okay, buddy!? That was crazy, man!
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah I- [panting] woo..
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Pant like a puppy, pant like a puppy.
[Goodrich and Spurrier panting]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Unless you wanna throw up, see if you can get that stone out, might be a good time.
Spurrier (as Randy): That hasn’t worked before, it’s not gonna do it.
Kyle (as Squid): I told him you weren’t ready yet, he needs to relax.
Kyle: A moment later the Gil that was hit by the energy stands up sluggishly, disheveled and with a slacked jaw. It groans and then looks at Randy; groans again and then uses the lid they use to swim shuts over one eye and then the other and then it groans one more time and just stares at you blankly.
Spurrier: Oh, well I'm just lying on the ground right now just trying to catch my breath.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): He didn’t mean to do it! That was Eddie! I know, it's a lot to wrap your mind around but that’s uh- he hasn’t been feeling so great ever since getting down here.
Kyle (as Squid): Well yes, I heard Randy’s- err- Eddie's-
Goodrich: I’m talking to the fish that he just-
Kyle: Oh, okay-
Goodrich: Got fragged.
Kyle: Oh, you’re talking to the dead fish?
Spurrier: I was gonna say- it's dead.
Goodrich: It’s dead!? Oh! I'm still talking to it like-
Kyle: You’re still talking to it?
Goodrich: Um, d-whoops!
Kyle: It kind of like, shifts and looks at you and goes- [groans] and then looks back at Randy.
Goodrich: Oh, so it’s a zombie fish now?
Kyle: [Groans]
[Players laugh]
Kyle: It walks over and it helps Randy up off the ground and like dusts off his shoulders and goes- [groans]
[All plays “oh!” surprised]
Spurrier: The zombie fish? Well, thanks!
Goodrich: Do you control the zombie fish?
Spurrier: I’m about to find out!
Ali: Tell it to do something or, you know.
Spurrier: Let’s see here.
Spurrier (as Randy): Zombie fish, go over and start petting the weird alien boy.
Kyle: It tries to walk over and like, starts trying to pet the hand of the alien.
Goodrich: [Softly] awesome.
Kyle: And then Squid looks down and shakes his hand-
Kyle (as Squid): Get- get off.
Goodrich: Do another one, do another one!
Spurrier: Oh, uh-
Spurrier (as Randy): Zombie fish boy, uhh, mount the alien like a horse and ride it around!
[Players laugh]
Kyle: It starts to try to climb on top of the alien and squid just pushes it off and like, throws it to the side.
Kyle (as Squid): Are you trying to steal my servants?
Goodrich: Aw, yeah!
Spurrier (as Randy): Just- just admiring you.
Kyle (as Squid): You were trying to steal my- no this is not how this happens. We can't have that, that’s our thing! I thought we were going to talk but I guess that won’t be happening.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No, no, no! Wait, wait!
Kyle (as Squid): Unless-
Goodrich: Do my wisdom saving throw-
Kyle (as Squid): Unless you kill the rest of them- oh, we are past- we are past pleasantries. Unless you kill the rest of them I don’t think we’ll be talking any further and I highly doubt your ability to break my domain over them. I don’t think it’s in the cards.
Kyle: Squid lifts off the ground, levitating backwards into the shadow and out of sight and you hear him in your head say-
Kyle (as Squid): Go fish.
Goodrich: [Laughs] Oh, jeez!
Kyle: The other Gils, they lower their spears and they look like they’re about to attack you. What are you going to do?
Goodrich: Yup.
Spurrier: Is there only one way out of here? Is it the way we came in or?
Kyle: There’s the way you came in and the way that Squid went.
Ali: Is this a running away situation that you were talking about?
[All chuckle]
Goodrich: Years of foreshadowing-
Kyle: While you’re stewing over what your option is going to be and you are facing these other Gils that are pointing spears at you, the Gil you know steps forward and goes-
Kyle (as Gil): Gil, you don’t want to do this. That’s a false prophet, false god.
Kyle: And one of them chimes back-
Kyle (as Gil #2): [Same voice] You know Gil-
[Players laugh]
Kyle (as Gil #2): I don’t believe you. The goddess behind the door has led us to the promise land. You can ask Gil-
[Players chuckle]
Kyle: And another Gil jumps in-
Kyle (as Gil #3): [Same voice] Uh, Gil’s right, Gil.
[Players laugh]
Kyle (as Gil #3): If you had just joined us everything would be fine.
Kyle: And Gil, that you know-
Goodrich: Right.
Kyle: Shakes their hand and looks at you three and is just like-
Kyle (as Gil): Can we do anything to save them?
Goodrich: Right so, pass without a trace is still cast so we’ve got that.
Spurrier: True.
Goodrich: Yes.
Spurrier: They are all looking right at us.
[Players chuckle]
Goodrich: Right, we could try to hide.
Spurrier: That’s true.
Goodrich: I mean, and then we would have to succeed on hiding right?
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali: And think about what we’re gonna do I mean, we’ve also gotta get out of here somehow.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Spurrier: Is the zombie fish still around?
Kyle: Yeah, the zombie fish is still around.
Spurrier: Is it still zombified?
Kyle: Yeah, it’s near them and the other Gils are kind of looking at it like-
Goodrich: Make him bite another Gil.
Goodrich I say, to you, as Raz’ul-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Make him bite another Gil, dude.
Spurrier (as Randy): Uh, okay! Zombie Gil! [Silence] Zombie Gil?
Kyle (as Zombie Gil) [Sudden groan]
Spurrier (as Randy): There we are, good. Um, go and bite another Gil and see if that does anything cool.
Kyle: It goes and tries to bite one of the other Gils that Gil was talking to. And it goes over and kind of slowly tries to bite onto its shoulder and one of the Gils is just like- “no”-
[Players laugh]
Kyle: And holds it off with a hand.
Ali: Just bats him away.
Spurrier: I turn to you guys-
Spurrier (as Randy): Well, um-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That might take awhile but- hey, how’d you do that other thing that almost made you puke?
Spurrier (as Randy): That- I think when she was focusing on Eddie in his mind- hang on a second.
Spurrier: And I think to myself.
Spurrier (as Randy): Could you do that again?
Kyle (as Eddie): [Exhausted] Not anytime soon.
Spurrier (as Randy): Got it, okay.
Kyle (as Eddie): We’ll get there.
Spurrier (as Randy): Alright, sorry guys. Little Eddie’s all pooped.
Kyle (as Eddie): But that- that one, that one, will be yours for a little while.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, Okay! Um, you guys got any thoughts?
Ali: So these Gils, are they actively like coming towards us to attack or are they just kind of hanging out?
Kyle: It looks like they’re more so blocking your path.
Ali: And you said they have like, spears?
Kyle: Yeah, they have spears pointed at you.
Goodrich: They’re like the brave three hundred, sounds like, they’re failings.
Kyle: Yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): They don’t seem like really mad or anything or-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Maybe we could talk to them.
Ali (as Yashee): Or ready to pounce. I don’t know if we should just start attacking them if they’re not really trying to do anything to us.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): True.
Kyle (as Gil): Yeah I mean, they are you know, my Gils.
[Players chuckle]
Spurrier: Am I able to round a corner from the way that we came? Is there like a- okay, is it just like a long passageway or-
Kyle: No, it’s a long, straight passageway.
Spurrier: Okay.
Goodrich: Pretty much where we’re standing is, we’re at the entrance to this door and right inside the door are all the fish folk and then, where we can’t see, is Squid Vicious.
Kyle: Yeah, well, that’s the direction Squid Vicious went.
Goodrich: He’s in front of us.
Kyle: You can’t see him.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Ali: I think Yashee, before I want to attack or anything, just wanna see if these people are actually going to try to start something. So, I'm gonna walk, I'm gonna take my maul out just to have it in front of me but in like a non-threatening way?
Kyle: Yeah no, approaching somebody with a weapon is never non-threatening.
[Players chuckle]
Ali: Well I’ll hold it one hand so it makes it look more like a staff.
Goodrich: Swing it over your shoulder.
Spurrier: The royal Yashee scepter.
Ali: I’ll put it on my back and the-
[Overlapping conversation and laughter]
Ali: No, I'll probably just put it in one hand you know, kind of waltz up to them just to see how they react.
Kyle: Okay so you walk up, do you say anything as you’re walking up?
Ali: Yeah um, I’ll say-
Ali (as Yashee): Hey Gils, is there any way we can just go past you? We just wanna talk to your boss.
Kyle: And the one at the front of this, they’re doing the flying V style Mighty Duck thing to block this passageway.
Ali: Oh, okay.
Kyle: And the front one like, juts it’s spear towards you threateningly like-
Kyle (as Gil #2): No, no outsiders. Get back. Get back!
Ali: Okay.
Kyle (as Gil #2): You’re unworthy, you’re not allowed to pass. That includes you Gil.
Goodrich: Is it turning to the side talking to his friend or is he talking to our Gil?
Kyle: He’s talking to your Gil.
Goodrich: Okay so you gotta- [chuckles]
Kyle: He points- yeah, I did say he pointed his spear, this is an audio medium.
[All laugh]
Kyle: He shifts his spear over and points it towards Gil.
Kyle (as Gil #2): You too, Gil. You're not allowed.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You are Gil though.
Kyle (as Gil #2): Yeah.
Goodrich: You did this to yourself, Kyle.
Kyle: [In Gil’s voice] Yeah, I know I did.
[Players laugh]
Ali: Alright well, I'm gonna take my maul and kinda bring it in front of me with both hands then and maybe step a little bit closer just ready to smack it’s spear out of the way-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Y- Yashee, hey! Remember, you’re not as big as you were.
Kyle: Okay, you step forward and you’re preparing for this so- [rolls dice] alright, it juts it’s spear forward and you are ready and your maul just slaps the spear right out of the way, and all of these Gils get really tense and they start to like, fan out a little bit and take more of a readied stance to like, attack.
Goodrich: So their focus is on Yashee?
Spurrier: Yeah, that’s what I was about to ask.
Kyle: Yeah, they’re all focused at Yashee.
[Multiple dice rolling]
Ali: Alright so I'll start to back up going-
Ali (as Yashee): Hey, hey! You know, this is exactly what I wanted to check for okay? You’re serious, I get it.
Spurrier: And while Yashee’s doing that-
Goodrich: Me too-
Spurrier: I just rolled an eighteen plus nine plus ten for stealth.
Goodrich: I just rolled a seventeen plus ten. [chuckles]
Kyle: Okay. [Rolls dice] Alright so they’re focusing on Yashee and they’re backing up and they’re huddled in the door.
Ali: They’re not trying? They’re just-
Kyle: No, they-
Ali: Closing in?
Kyle: No, you backed up and they just went back to their stance like, in front of the door.
Spurrier: Kyle, what sized creatures are these? These fall as a medium sized creature?
Kyle: Medium creature.
Spurrier: Okay, cool. Because I'm a halfling I am nimble so I am easily able to move through creatures that are larger than I am.
Kyle: Okay.
Spurrier: So I'm gonna start weaving my way through all stealthy. Going under their legs and stuff.
Kyle: Mkay, you weave through and you hear Squid Vicious in all of your minds and they say-
Kyle (as Squid): The littlest one is getting past you, you’re failing me.
Kyle: And two of them turn around- [Rolls dice] They look a little bit and they kind of just keep looking but doesn’t look like they see you.
[Players laugh]
Spurrier: A thirty-seven, oh yeah! Alright, I'm gonna keep dancing my way through. Shuffling, grooving, moving.
Goodrich: Cool, I wanna try to sneak past them too since I'm all stealthed now.
Kyle: Did you?
Goodrich: I did, I rolled a seventeen plus ten plus one for jack of all trades so, twenty-eight.
Kyle: Alright, go for it.
Goodrich: So, I'm gonna kind of go to the outside where- maybe where there’s a little opening? They were focusing on Yashee so I imagine the ones on the end were kind of inching to get closer and make sure so I'm gonna sneak past right against a wall and be like, oop, oop, oop, gotta put my back up against it like- [straining groan]
Kyle: It’s a difficult squeeze but you manage through it. And now Yashee and the Miners are on the other side and you two are behind them.
Spurrier: Alright-
Kyle: There are two that are looking backwards kind of trying to get a glimpse of what’s going on.
Ali: What about the rest of them? Are they looking around their feet to try to find these boys?
Kyle: No, they’re keeping an eye on you and the miners.
Ali: Okay.
Spurrier: So, while that’s happening, Randy take’s his organ and since it’s covered in knobs and buttons it’s got a volume knob on it of course. He turns it down really really softly-
Kyle: Alright-
Spurrier: And whispers to himself-
Spurrier (as Randy): [To the tune of Transformers theme] Transformers, Randy’s now a fish.
[All laugh]
Spurrier: And I disguise myself as a Gil boy!
Kyle: Okay, so for casting this spell- lets get another stealth check to see how stealthy you actually cast it.
Spurrier: There’s- are those two still looking at me?
Kyle: Yeah-
Spurrier: Okay-
Kyle: There’s two still looking at you.
Spurrier: That seems fair. [Rolls dice] That is a fourteen plus nine plus ten, thirty-three!
Kyle: [Rolls dice] You’re good!
Spurrier: Hurray!
Goodrich: I wanna play something too, Kyle!
Kyle: Okay, what are you gonna play?
Goodrich: Okay so, I'm gonna cast unseen servant and um, it’s a bard spell so just like-
Kyle: Okay-
Goodrich: Just like on the organ I think Usumptin has some sort of rune or something that I press that turns down the volume a little bit and I say- [shushing] and I'm gonna cast it uhh, let me put my pick down. [Soft clink] I’m real quiet and I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Singing] I ain’t got no body but somebody works for me. [Soft scatting]
[All chuckle]
Goodrich: So this spell creates an invisible, mindless, shapeless force that performs simple tasks on my command until the spell ends. AC of ten, one hit point strength of two and this thing is invisible to everyone else but am I allowed to see him, Kyle? Maybe?
Kyle: Yeah you see the magical essence that outlines this featureless thing.
Goodrich: Can I- can it be like Marty Feldman from Young Frankenstein but instead of a black robe he’s wearing like a James Brown super glittery-
Kyle: And only you can see it, yeah.
Goodrich: Only I can see it and I’m like, “ayy!”
Kyle: So, since you’re doing a spell let’s have you roll another stealth check like Randy.
Goodrich: [Rolls dice] Seven plus ten, seventeen! Oh, eighteen plus jack of all trades.
Kyle: [Rolling dice] Oh, one actually catches a glimpse of you.
Goodrich: Aw.
Kyle: And its like-
Kyle (as Gil #4): I’ve got it boss!
Kyle: And you hear Squid go-
Kyle (as Squid): It’s about time.
Goodrich: Right. [Sighs] Horse apples, okay can I still have my unseen servant do what I was going to have them do?
Kyle: Yeah, yeah you can totally direct your person while they are in the midst of seeing you.
Goodrich: Okay cool. Well, I'm gonna have uhh..oh boy. I didn’t name this thing. Um, Skerrple D- Dee Doo-
[Ali laughs loudly]
Spurrier: Skerple Dee Doo, the invisible servant.
Goodrich: Yeah, Skerrple Dee Doo-
Ali: [Laughing] Ol’ Skerple.
Goodrich: Skerrple. Uh, I think that’s an off-brand sharpie.
Kyle: Probably.
Spurrier: Oh like-
Goodrich: [Laughing] Yeah that’s where I got it.
Kyle: They're the ones that say “toxic” on the side.
[All laugh]
Goodrich: Well my Skerrple will be spelled with two R’s, so Sker-rple! Um, so Skerrple will come into existence on an unoccupied space on the front and on the side of all these fish people? And then I want Skerrple to throw a rock at one of them on the side and hit him in the head.
Kyle: Okay, the unseen servant picks up and rock, throws it at a fish person, it hits them in the head and they turn to look left. It's- I'll say it’s the most left-ward person from your perspective. And they look left, don’t see anything and turn back to the others-
Goodrich: I have him throw another one, at another fish.
Kyle: At another fish? Alright, same result. What are you- I have to know what you’re trying to do-
Goodrich: I’m trying to distract them all of them so that they all look over and [mumbling] maybe Yashee and them can sneak around behind where we are?
Kyle: Well you’re only throwing one rock at a time.
Goodrich: But they could throw a bunch, they could do anything an actual servant can do. So can I have him throw a fistful of rocks?
Kyle: [Elegant accent] Servant, go outside and throw my rocks for me!
[All laugh]
Kyle: [Elegant accent] I have a long day of sitting around.
Goodrich: That’s what it says!
Kyle: [Laughs] No, it’s fine!
Goodrich: Fistful of rocks at all the fish fellers on the left-hand side.
Kyle: Okay so, it throws a bunch of rocks and the head one goes-
Kyle (as Gil #2): Wh- what's going on? Two of you, stab in that area? I don’t know what-
Goodrich: Yeah, keep throwing them, keep throwing them like Buddy the elf throwing snow balls.
[Players laughing]
Goodrich: They’re erupting from the walls now it looks like.
Kyle: Two go over and just like, stab randomly- well, what I'm gonna do is roll attacks at disadvantage since it’s invisible.
Goodrich: It does have an AC of ten.
Kyle: Alright so, the first one misses. [Rolls dice] the second one seems to catch it.
Goodrich: D’oh!
Kyle: And you see your magical glitter-glam cape boy disappear.
Goodrich: Aw, bye Skerrple.
Kyle: Okay so Yashee, what are you doing in this midst? What you see right now is, you’ve noticed that two of the, let’s say there’s ten total, two of the ten fish people- Gils, have turned around and are looking in the direction that you imagine Randy and Raz’ul went.
Ali: Can I see them?
Kyle: Yeah, we’ll say since you’re magical allies you’re able to see them and notice them and everything like that. But-
Goodrich: At we’re want- at least Randy is want to do that so you’re probably like, “oh he’s probably hiding- there he is!” sneaky Randy.
Kyle: So you see this happen to him, they’re facing backwards. Two of them on the left, on your right-hand side start to stab at- look like mid-air but then all the sudden you see like this pile of rocks drop and you notice like a few rocks being thrown in their direction, that’s what drew them over. But yeah, what are you doing in this-
Ail: And the rest are still looking at me-
Kyle: Yeah, they’re still holding down the “you’re not gonna get past us” gig.
Ali: Am I back by the miners at this point?
Kyle: Yeah, you’re standing near the miners.
Kyle: Erin’s like-
Kyle (as Erin): Where did the other two go? I mean, we gotta-
Ali: Where’s the stream headed?
Kyle: It’s coming from the newly opened door and you can see that the stream picked up. Last episode when I was talking about the door opening the stream actually picked up in current, like the door was limiting how much water could flow but now you can see water flowing right out of it.
Goodrich: So really, all we have to do is stay here for the rest of our lives with the door open and the city will be saved.
Spurrier: Done!
Ali: We did it!
Goodrich: We did it! [Spurrier humming the theme] Thanks everyone!
Kyle: Bye!
Goodrich: It was fun!
[All laugh]
Goodrich: Looks like we’re staying here now.
Kyle: Wrong.
Ali: Alright, then I'm just going to talk to them a bit and let them know what’s going on.
Kyle: Okay, alright, I see what you-
Ali (as Yashee): You know, if you look closely between all their legs you can see those boys back there.
Kyle (as Erin): How’d they even fit past there?
Ali (as Yashee): They’re sneaky.
Kyle (as Erin): Alright I mean, how are we- we ain’t that sneaky.
Ali (as Yashee): I feel like they’re probably devising a plan back there. I almost wanna see what happens first.
Kyle (as Erin): I mean, I hope so.
Ali (as Yashee): Maybe we’ll get our moment to sneak past them too if we can get through but at the same time-
Kyle (as Erin): Doesn’t seem fish guy doesn’t want to outright kill them.
Ali (as Yashee): I don’t want to kill them either.
Ali: Is the, our Gil with us?
Kyle: Yeah, Gils standing next to you.
Ali (as Yashee): Gil, what do you think? You know these guys.
Kyle (as Gil): Yeah but they’re under some hullabaloo from that squid thing and I don’t- I don’t know.
Ali (as Yashee): Well maybe I could try to de-charm one of them to see if we could at least turn him that way.
Kyle (as Gil): Yeah? I mean, I don’t know what happened with your smallest buddy there but um, you can try not to do that. I mean I don’t like that Gil anyway.
[Players chuckle]
Goodrich: He’s a real jerk.
Kyle (as Gil): Granted I'm losing out on a little bit of shclams but that’s our problem.
Ali: Well, then I guess I'm gonna go ahead and cast charm person. I'm gonna aim it at the first little fish boy there in the V.
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: And hopefully see if my spell is strong enough to turn him.
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: So, I'm really gonna focus in on that fish. We’re like, locking eyes really intently.
Kyle; It’s really trying to lock eyes with you but it’s weird cause it’s eyes-
Kyle & Goodrich: Are on the side of it’s head!
[Goodrich laughing loudly]
Kyle: So it looks like ridiculously cross eyed but you can tell it’s staring you down back.
Ali: Okay, and then I take out my hammer mallets while I kind of start shifting side to side to give it a little bit of eye contact here and there.
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: Just so he understands that-
Goodrich: He’s being hypnotized.
Ali: Anyway, I take out my mallets while I'm staring and shifting and I start uh, hmm.. I guess I'll start tapping them together.
Kyle: Okay.
Ali: [Singing while a soft drum beat and bass plays] I put a spell on you, and now you’re charmed.
Kyle: Okay, I have to make a wisdom saving throw.
Ali: Yeah, and my spell save is thirteen.
Kyle: Thirteen, right. Okay no, so fish guy kinda looks at you and then turns its head-body a little sideways and then turns to the others and is just like-
Kyle (as Gil #2): Gils, maybe we underestimated these people, and this shorter one right in the middle in the middle of the other two seems to be alright. I dunno, what do you think?
Goodrich: [softly] Nice.
Kyle: Sounds like its made a success.
Ali: Alright, I turn around to the miners and I’m like-
Ali (as Yashee): It worked! Did you see that!?
[Players chuckle]
Kyle: And Trish kind of goes-
Kyle (as Trish): Yeah that’s pretty crazy right there, too bad you can’t do it for all of them.
Ali (as Yashee): I can’t, I don’t think I can muster that much. I'm so little right now.
Kyle (as Trish): Well, I don’t know what to tell you but that’s just one out of the ten.
Ali (as Yashee): [disappointed] Yeah.
Goodrich: That’s better than nothing though.
Ali (as Yashee): I think I'm gonna need a little bit of help.
Ali: So, she takes out her mallets and she kind of starts playing a little bit. She's gonna call out to the guys through song that we need to massive, do a mass charming.
Kyle: Mkay, so when you’re thinking of doing this mass charm that’s when you notice the runes on your mallets begin to flicker and light up like they normally do when there’s bardic magic abouts.
Ali: Alright, then I'm gonna go to town.
Kyle: Alright, so it sounds like we’re about to do a song.
Goodrich: Oh boy!
Spurrier: Oh boy!
Kyle: So, let’s roll some chord dice.
Ali: Woo hoo!
[Electronic music]
Goodrich: So what- [chuckles] So, Yashee is calling out to us but what-
Kyle: Here’s the set up of the room. So, in the circular room where you originally tried to open the door you have Yashee, the three miners, the two Gils that are on your side and then at the door you have a V of I guess would be about eight-
Goodrich: Ten, yeah-
Kyle: Eight Gils now.
Goodrich: Right.
Kyle: And behind that line of Gils, you have about ten, fifteen feet back. I'm assuming how far you snuck back there but you’re probably about ten to fifteen feet, both of you behind there. Randy, as a Gil looking person and Raz’ul-
Goodrich: I guess I look like I've been caught sneaking around tip-toeing like- [surprised gasp]
Kyle: Yes.
Goodrich: Okay.
Kyle: So that’s the set up.
Goodrich: You’re still a Gil?
Spurrier: Oh yeah.
Kyle: Still Gilin’
Ali: I guess he’s just on a break or something.
[All laugh]
Kyle: [as Gil] Um, union five!
Goodrich: For real. Okay so, that’s where we’re at so you’re gonna call out to us in song. Fantastic.
Kyle: Yeah so, let’s roll some chord dice.
Goodrich: Mkay.
[Multiple dice rolling]
Kyle: Major or minor?
Goodrich: Oh right.
Spurrier: [Hums]
Ali: We are trying to get them to be like, friends with us and be like, “hey we’re here to help you!”
Spurrier: Breaking this crazy like-
Kyle: Sounds like you’re trying to make a minor adjustment to their mind.
Goodrich: Oooh!
Ali: You really want this minor, don’t you?
[All laugh]
Kyle: No, I'm just saying-
Ali: [Joking] We get it, Kyle. He wants minor.
Kyle: Like a Goku, I'm just Saiyan.
[Players laugh loudly]
Goodrich: Uh I mean, I could go either way.
Spurrier: I could see minor, yeah. Both with all these puns and-
Kyle: We don’t do C-minor.
Goodrich: You gotta stop-
Spurrier: I can A-minor this.
[All laughing]
Spurrier: Um yeah, between that and us trying to lift an evil curse that could constitute minor.
Ali: Yeah.
Kyle: If you guys ever can’t decide and just wanna flip a coin, ever?
Goodrich: Yeah, let’s do that.
Kyle: It could be fun, I mean if you really don’t have- if you just-
Goodrich: Here I'm gonna roll-
Kyle: If you’re just playing it by ear.
Goodrich: Common roll d10, tell me high or low.
Kyle: What? No. You don’t do that, I do that.
Goodrich: High or low. High or low, Kyle?
Kyle: I said flip a coin-
[Dice rolls, giggling]
Kyle: Low.
[All laughing]
Kyle: I don’t know what that means.
[Overlapping conversation, all agreeing minor]
Goodrich: Alright, chord dice time.
[Multiple dice rolling]
Kyle: What’d I get?
Goodrich: Spurrier got a wild.
Spurrier: Got a wild, try again. [Rolls dice]
Kyle: You stole my wild-
Goodrich: Again! Come on, man.
Spurrier: Turning into Kyle over here.
Kyle: That’s right.
[Dice rolling, all exclaim it’s another one]
Kyle: Yeah here, you can have the screen, dude. It's all you.
[Dice rolling]
Spurrier: Okay, C, cool.
Goodrich: Well, we rolled C and A-minor but whatever.
[Players chuckle]
Spurrier: We can do what we want- Well, now we can make this E-minor and E if we want.
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle: And let’s talk about modal mixture.
Goodrich: Yeah for real. So, we have C, A-minor, E-minor and B-diminished is what we rolled. Drum roll please.
Ali: Okay. [Coin hits the table] Oh, what’s that over there? That’s a heads- [Rolls dice] seventy-three which if I'm reading this correctly is Latin Fusion.
[Boys pleasantly surprised]
Goodrich: Good thing we have seventh chords.
Ali: Yup. [Rolls dice] Okay uh, [chuckles] ninety-eight, ninety-eight is World 1.
Goodrich: Nice.
Kyle: Cool, alright.
[Goodrich singing in the background]
Ali: I’m very excited, Latin Fusion and World kit.
Goodrich: Yes, perfect. Okay, good luck over there Ali!
Ali: [Chuckles] Thanks, good luck to you!
Goodrich: Yeah, we’re just gonna hear this crazy Latin Fusion beat and be like “ooh!”
Spurrier: Yes!
Kyle: Feeling it. Alright, get to writing.
[Music transitions]
Kyle: Hey there everyone, it’s your dungeon maestro Kyle here wanting to thank you again for coming and joining us at this table. It’s so awesome that you do this every single- every two weeks. Every single two weeks! That’s what I mean to say. If you want to keep up with us you can follow us on our social media by searching @bombardedcast and if you share this adventure be sure to use the hashtag #bardcast whenever you do so. If you want to e-mail us or say hi you can do that at bombardedcast@gmail.com and if you’re interested in any of the music we put out as BomBARDed or Chaos Sauce you can go to bombard.bandcamp.com, we’ve got volume one of the OST that recently came out and we have volume one of Chaos Sauce, which are the tunes they’ve done over the first ten episodes. So again, those are a pay what you want kind of thing. So, you got a few bucks, drop it in the hat, we appreciate it. If not, it’s there for you just take it, please. We love you so much, you’ve more than earned it. And of course, you know, we put volume in there for one reason, there’s something coming down the pipe later.
So, if you’re interested in the band behind BomBARDed you can go check out lindbymusic.com. Lindby is spelled, L-I-N-D-B-Y or, guess what? We have a bandcamp for that one too! Lindby.bandcamp.com. You'll be able to find any of the music that’s not associated with BomBARDed- except I think we put one of the holiday things on the holiday album, so that’s there for you. That was before we decided to you know, keep ‘em separated.
Anyway, that’s all I got for you this time so we’re gonna get back to the action. See if these bards are able to help out these weird fish people. I dunno, talk to you later! Bye!
[Music transitions]
Ali: So, I begin going to town.
[Quick latin beat begins playing]
Ali (singing) When you look at me you might just see me beating on my drum
But this groove won’t do the trick when I am only one
So, lend a hand and join the song, we’ll help your minds be free
Strum up the charm and turn the keys, unlock reality
All (singing): All you fishy folk are free
From the voice that talks to you
When you hear that funky melody
Remember what you knew
Spurrier (singing): [Imitating Gil] When you look at me you might just see a fish that’s just like you
I’ve got fins and scales and fish details; I promise that it’s true
This week has been a little weird and what’s that all about?
These folks seem cool; I’m not a fool, they want to help us out
All (singing): All you fishy folk are free
From the voice that talks to you
When you hear that funky melody
Remember what you knew
All (singing): All you fishy folk are free
And every one of you will see
That all you fishy folk can be
Swimming swimming in the sea
[Music ends]
Kyle: Okay Yashee you begin drumming out your beats and your rune begins lighting up. Magic begins emitting from them and starting to flow out and coalesce and form. Randy, Raz’ul you pick up exactly what’s going down so you bring out your instruments and join along and you notice Yashee, as she starts singing, the runes that you normally see on her instrument they appear on her throat.
[Players excited gasping and awe]
Kyle: And you look at each other kind of oddly, just a little confused and you notice the same thing’s going on for you two.
Goodrich: [Gasps]
Spurrier: Even on my sweet fish throat?
Kyle: Yes, even on your sweet fish throat. So, you all begin to play, your magic coalesces into being and it’s just vapors and whispers that kind of just weave in and out of the different Gils and fish people and everything. And they start looking around, of course the zombie Gil is not affected at all
[Players laugh]
Kyle: It's still blinking one eye as this is happening. Yashee, the Gil you had charmed is encouraging the others like, “yeah.” You know, shaking on them and everything. Randy, when you step out as a Gil the others kind of look at you just like, whoa where’d this guy come from? And they’re all kind of nodding and buying in and they all like, rub their forehead and look at each other just like.
Kyle (as Gils): W-what were we doing?
Kyle: And by the time you end the song their arms are down and they’re just looking at each other like, [in Gil voice] Whats- what's going on?
Goodrich: [Singing quietly] What’s the buzz, tell me what’s happening.
Kyle: And Gil, the Gil you originally met, goes forward-
Kyle (as Gil): Is everyone- is everyone, everyone? Gil? Are you okay? Gil? Are you okay?
Goodrich: [Chuckles, imitates Gil] Yeah, I'm fine.
Kyle (as Gil): Gil back there, are you alright?
Kyle: And they all respond positively and they seem to not be as agitated as they were before.
Ali: Yes!
Goodrich: Nice!
Spurrier: While this is happening real quick, I pop behind Raz’ul- [rolls dice] sixteen plus nine plus ten. So, I'm hidden behind him then I take off my disguise and pop out like, “aw man, what did I miss!?”
[All chuckle]
Spurrier (as Randy): What’s going on here, you guys?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, we played a little tune and actually, this cool fish guy actually played a line in the middle bit that was a little scaler.
[Overlapping conversation]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): We just seemed to really click so yeah.
Randy (as Randy): Phew.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Everyone seems to be doing better. Everybody, fins up if you’re doing okay. Err- do they have fins?
Kyle (as Gil #2): We have hands.
Goodrich: Hands up-
Kyle: I guess there’s like fins on their elbow? I’m modifying it a little bit, there’s fins on their elbow and they lift their elbow up instead of their hands.
[Players chuckle]
Ali: Well alright.
Goodrich: Well cool-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, you fellers had quite a spell put on you, I think we might have gotten rid of it. So, we’re on the way to see the-
Ali (as Yashee): Goddess behind the door?
Goodrich: Yeah- [singing] We’re off to see the goddess, the goddess behind the door.
Kyle: Gil- Gil, the Gil you know, comes over and says-
Kyle (as Gil): Don’t- don’t, don’t feed them that crap again!
Ali (as Yashee): Some idiot behind the door?
[Players laugh]
Kyle: And they’re all kind of talking to Gil in the original language you heard Gil talking in under-common so you can’t really understand what they’re saying but they seem really distressed, disturbed, and frightened now that they’ve kind of come to and realized what’s happening. The Gil that you know is the only one you’re able to talk to at this point.
Goodrich: Right.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, Gil?
Kyle (as Gil): Yeah?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Do you think you and your friends wanna join us going after-
Spurrier (as Randy): Can help save all your people?
Kyle (as Gil): Uh well, they are telling me some very disturbing things about what happened in there and I don’t blame them if they don’t wanna go back in there.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That’s fine.
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Looks like it’s-
Ali (as Yashee): It’s just us.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): And the miners!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): And your fish zombie boy.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh yeah!
Kyle (as Gil): Yeah that one I don’t-I don’t even know what’s going on-
Spurrier (as Randy): Are you okay if he tags along?
Goodrich: Maybe the one you charmed?
Ali: My charm doesn’t last forever though.
Goodrich: ooh, okay.
Ali: I don’t want to pull him into something and him come out of it being like, “why did you do this to me!?”
Goodrich: Okay, okay.
[Overlapping conversation]
Goodrich: Okay well uh-
Kyle (as Gil): I mean if there’s more of us up there you can save them. That's cool but these are you know, they’re pretty good.
Goodrich: Alright, we can head back in-
Spurrier: The door.
Goodrich: We can head back in. If we’re not back in an hour, call the president.
Ali (as Yashee): Anything in particular that they said we should be watching out for?
Kyle (as Gil): Well, they just talked about experiments? Is what the word they used. So um, I don’t know what that means.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah well, keep a look out I suppose.
Goodrich: So, should we motion to the miners like, think we’re gonna head in? These uh-
Kyle: Erin walks over and she’s like-
Kyle (as Erin): Yeah good, it’s about time. Um, I reckon we should probably follow this stream. Seems to be the source of water, we’re trying to fix water so -
Goodrich: Yeah.
Kyle (as Erin): I think that’s the direction we’re gonna be headed but I dunno what we’re gonna find in there so yeah, I guess move on if ya’ll are ready.
Goodrich: And can we all roll stealth rolls while we’re- [chuckles] walking in darkness?
Kyle: Sure if you want to.
Goodrich: Not making that mistake again.
[Multiple dice rolling]
Ali: I got a three plus one!
Kyle: Sweet.
Ali: So, you know.
Kyle: Plus the ten-
Spurrier: Yeah, plus ten.
Ali: Oh! That’s a fourteen.
Kyle: Sweet.
Spurrier: Thirteen plus nine, plus ten.
Kyle: Right.
Goodrich: Nineteen plus one plus ten!
Kyle: Right, okay, cool, cool, cool.
Goodrich: Leave us alone, Kyle!
[Players chuckle]
Kyle: [Rolls dice] The miners are following suit and trying to move stealthily along behind you. You all hear in your head, Squid again say-
Kyle (as Squid): Oh, well-
Goodrich: Do we wanna turn left up here?
Kyle (as Squid): Isn’t that- isn't that something? Huh, well perhaps [chuckles] perhaps we can have a chat. Please, come in and while you’re in here you can meet my pet Ivan.
Goodrich: Oh.
Spurrier: Hm.
Goodrich: Hoo!
Kyle: And I guess you’ll have to wait until next time-
[Theme song plays]
Goodrich: But what’s Ivan!?
Kyle: You’ll have to wait until next time!
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Transcripts by: Gabi Cardone@peachdoodles – Twitter