Ep. 15 – The S.S. Chaos Sauce

[Theme song plays]

Kyle: Hey everyone, welcome back to BomBARDed, thanks for joining us again! Let’s recap episode fourteen real quick for ya. So, our bards went and helped Erin with the Pell brothers get over their little nightmare problems that they’re having. In the process we had a little bit of Eddie mischief, but eventually you bards were able to help out the dream boys and incept some tactics to fight this nightmare. However, in the process Jenny, the figure in the dream, realized it was not just these dream boys in the dream-

[Players chuckling]

Kyle: And that’s when it ended. So uh-

Goodrich: Some dream bards too, Kyle.

Kyle: Yeah, a little dream bards, dream boys. But you were successful in the end and you- you know, you left the boys sleeping soundly. So, you left the Pell house and made your way back to meet up with the rest of the group at the Oasis. Ya’ll went and packed up your sandatees with a nearly fun foible with Eddie. Then you headed out towards the impact site towards the glow fields.

Goodrich: I mean, you gotta have fun too, Kyle-

Kyle: Yeah-

Goodrich: We get it-

Kyle: Yeah-

[Overlapping conversation]

Kyle: You know I gotta have my fun times.

[All chuckle]

Kyle: So, on the way, Randy and Raz’ul discussed his uh, “Eddie flareups” as Raz’ul put it. That was all while Yashee was getting more acquainted with her sandatee, Sandy. So, you faired through a sandstorm alright and eventually arrived at the Glow Field; and this is where you met back up with Layla and the assistant Jermaine. And Layla let the group know it’s not quite what everyone expected, and we ended last episode with John telling everyone to get the camp set up and that it was going to be further inspected in the morning. So, let’s go ahead and pick up there.

Goodrich: Alrighty!

Kyle: So, everybody has split off to do their specific jobs in preparing the camp and I'm assuming you three set up your tent or tents during this time? Unless you’re going to do something else?

Goodrich: Can we make like, a little igloo situation where we connect them and make a little-

Spurrier: I was about to say, we can have little like, tunnels- yeah.

[Players excitedly agree]

Ali: As long as I can fit through it, I’m fine. [Laughs] I’m like, army crawling through like, “come on guys!”

Kyle: [Imitating Yashee] You made this difficult.

[Ali laughs]

Kyle: As you’re setting up your equipment you three start getting this eerie feeling that you’re being watched by something? It’s as if someone's right behind you.

Goodrich: I turn around! [Yells]

Kyle: Okay, you look around-

[All laugh]

Kyle: And you notice that some of the others are looking the same way. They're looking over their shoulders suddenly from time to time. And as you’re looking at the others you turn back to your gear and Jermaine is standing there holding a stack of books, and he looks at you three and he says-

Kyle (as Jermaine): [With a cockney-English accent] Hey uh, you’re those bards from Strumlotts, eh?

[Goodrich and Spurrier confirm together]

Kyle (as Jermaine): Okay so I- ya'll played anywhere? Anywhere I might know?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Questioning] The Punch Bowl? Back in-

Spurrier (as Randy): Lakeridge?

Kyle (as Jermaine): Ah, okay I've been through their once. Saw it on my way into Sundance when I was first travelin’ in from my squiring. Cool, cool-

Kyle: And as he’s saying this, his arms start to shift a bit and his grasp on the books kind of falters and he starts losing balance of the books.

Goodrich: I go- I run over to help him-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Whoa there, fella!

Kyle: Alright, give me a dex check real quick.

Goodrich: [Rolls dice] It’s an eleven, plus one for jack of all trades, twelve.

Kyle: Excellent. So yeah, you get over there and it’s pretty easy to help him balance the books. But you know, as you’re doing so like, you catch a couple of them-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Grunting] I got it!

Kyle: You see he has a pretty big bandage on his like, forearm.

Goodrich: Oh.

Kyle: He catches the books and he’s like-

Kyle (as Jermaine): Oh, thanks- thanks for the help there, man-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah-

Kyle (as Jermaine): I appreciate that-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Grunting] Yeah, just lemme get that-

Goodrich: Yashee- can I ask Yashee to put this on the stack of books?

Kyle: It’s a pretty tall stack.

Ali: Sure!

Goodrich: Okay-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Here, can you put this back up there?

Ali (as Yashee): M’yeah, I guess.

Goodrich (as Raz’lu): Thanks.

Ali: I’ll just drop it all- boop.

[Players chuckle]

Kyle (as Jermaine): I appreciate that ya’ll. Most people don’t help me with my books but that’s- that’s okay. Um-

[Players laugh]

Kyle (as Jermaine): Thanks for the help!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No prob!

Kyle (as Jermaine): Cool-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, what's your deal man? Like, what do you do around here? [Chuckles]

[Players burst into laughter]

Kyle (as Jermaine): Oh, I'm actually- I fetch books for Layla and Japhine(?) in this adventure at least.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, okay.

Kyle (as Jermaine): If they need to reference something and go back to it, I go and grab them the book- which, uh, speaking of which I should probably get going. I’ve probably left them waitin’ too long.

Goodrich: Oh.

Spurrier (as Randy): Before you go.

Kyle (as Jermaine): Yeah?

Spurrier (as Randy): What’s up with your arm, if you don’t mind me asking?

Kyle (as Jermaine): [Quickly] Oh! That um, it’s uh, it’s an injury from dropping my books.

Spurrier (as Randy): Oh!

Kyle (as Jermaine): Uh- yeah! The corner of one came down and really got me good on there.

Spurrier (as Randy): [Suspicious] That’s a pretty impressive book dropping.

Spurrier: I’m gonna roll an insight check.

Ali: Like a really good papercut.

Spurrier: [Rolls dice] That is a fourteen plus three.

Kyle: You can tell he’s not being truthful.

Spurrier (as Randy): Jermaine, right?

Kyle (as Jermaine): Yeah?

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah? Could you just chill for one second before you take your books back?

Kyle (as Jermaine): Well actually- I think I hear Japhine and Layla calling me now. I- I gotta go, I’ll talk to ya’ll later.

Spurrier: And I pull up my shirt and uh, Eddie comes out and I'm gonna cast mage hand and grab him by the uh, ankle.

Kyle: [Laughing] Okay.

Spurrier: And I say-

Spurrier (as Randy): [Distorted] Mage Hand!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What are you doing!?

Spurrier: So, then Eddie comes out and he’s gonna grab him by the ankle.

Kyle: Okay, so I'm gonna say- I'm gonna roll against your spell save DC for this. Just his dexterity check just to see if he gets it. [Rolls dice] And uh yeah, Eddie goes out to try to grab his ankle but- man, Jermaine’s pretty quick and he slips right through his grasp.

Spurrier (as Randy): Guys, let’s go!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): W-what?

Spurrier (as Randy): He’s a lying fool!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Lying about what, dude? Chill.

Spurrier (as Randy): His arm, his bandage.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, I mean, that’s okay. Maybe he got hurt doing something stupid or he’s covering up a tattoo he’s having removed or something, I dunno.

Spurrier (as Randy): He’s a fidgety little feller. [Determined] We’re gonna get him.

Ali (as Yashee): We’re all entitled to our secrets man, I mean-

[Overlapping conversation and laughter]

Spurrier (as Randy): I’m gonna go after him. You can help me or not. This guy is not. On. The. Level.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I mean, I'm pretty pooped man. If you want to run after him that’s cool-

Spurrier: At this point he’s getting away, so I'm running away from you guys-

[All laugh]

Kyle: Okay so, Randy, you follow Jermaine and you leads you back to where Jaffney and Layla are. And these two are sitting at a table pouring over scrolls and tomes. And they seem to be almost in sync as they swap text then exclaim to each other like, “Oh!” as they swap these things.

Goodrich: They finish each other's..

Kyle: Sandwiches?

[All laugh]

Goodrich: [Laughing] Yes!

Kyle: So yeah, they’re passing these books back and forth and Jaffney looks up as Jermaine approaches and says-

Kyle (as Jaffney): [Elegent voice] Oh Jermaine, good. I need you to bring me Astronomical Anomalies of Alkin please.

Kyle: And Jermaine’s like-

Kyle (as Jermaine): Yeah, not a problem.

Kyle: And starts getting the book.

Spurrier: Alright, let’s see here. I guess I'm just gonna hide and just wait and see if anything happens.

Kyle: Mkay, you gonna browse the scene?

Spurrier: [Rolls dice] Okay, that is a five plus nine.

Kyle: Mkay, where- where are you hiding? You gonna- how are you gonna hide?

Spurrier: It’s nighttime right?

Kyle: Yeah, it’s dusk- there’s all these glow stones around so it’s luminated.

Spurrier: What’s around? Like, are they at their tent?

Kyle: Yeah, there’s a tent nearby. You know, you could hide behind a barrel.

Spurrier: Yeah- Oh! Barrel, yes, classic.

[All laugh]

Kyle: So-

Goodrich: Wait, are you hiding behind the barrel or in it?

Spurrier: In it.

Goodrich: Walk it across if you need to.

Spurrier: Yeah!

Kyle: Yeah you know, you can Metal Gear that.

Spurrier: Yeah, exactly.

Kyle: Yup, so I'm gonna say you’re hiding in this barrel and you’ve got your head poked up just a little bit so you can see and hear-

Goodrich: Is there a knot hole he can just look through?

Kyle: No there’s “knot.”

Goodrich: Aww.

Spurrier: Darn.

Goodrich: Sorry.

Kyle: You can try. So, you’re hiding in the barrel and you have your head poked up a little bit and Jaffney just looks right over to you and says-

Kyle (as Jaffney): You’re the littlest bard that’s with us, right?

[Goodrich laughs]

Spurrier (as Randy): I am.

Kyle (as Jaffney): What are you doing in that barrel?

Spurrier (as Randy): ..Looking.

[Goodrich chuckles]

Kyle (as Jaffney): For what?

Spurrier (as Randy): Um..

Goodrich: Yourself.

Spurrier (as Randy): Solace, yeah.

[Players trying not to laugh]

Kyle (as Jaffney): Solace?

Spurrier (as Randy): Yes, I needed to get away. Needed to rest up a little. This was uh..isolated.

Kyle (as Jaffney): Oh-

Spurrier (as Randy): Sorry if it looked like I was spying. I was just kind of taking in the surroundings, I've never been this far out in the desert.

Kyle (as Jaffney): That’s okay. Uh, you’ve never been out in the Strei before?

Spurrier (as Randy): Mm-mm.

Kyle (as Jaffney): Okay well uh, you don’t- you’re being kind of weird.

Spurrier (as Randy): It’s part of the course.

Kyle (as Jaffney): Uh, alright Randy.

Kyle: And Jermaine brings back a book and hands it to her, and she takes it from him and says-

Kyle (as Jaffney): Thank you, Jermaine.

Kyle: Waves her hand over it and opens it and she just starts reading and she’s like-

Kyle (as Jaffney): Enjoy your barrel, I guess?

Spurrier (as Randy): Thanks!

Spurrier: [Defeated] Alright well, I'm gonna go back and just pass along-

Spurrier (as Randy): Okay-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, what’s up dude?

Spurrier (as Randy): I found out a whole lot of nothing, but there’s something weird about this Jermaine guy!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, okay-

Spurrier (as Randy): We just need to uh-

Ali (as Yashee): Keep our eyes open-

Spurrier (as Randy): Keep an eye on him!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): He seemed like a good dude to me but you know-

Spurrier (as Randy): Also, there’s a nice barrel if you guys need some time to yourself.

[Kyle bursts out laughing]

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No.

Spurrier (as Randy): Okay! Just letting you know.

Ali (as Yashee): I’ll think about it.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Maybe, I dunno.

Kyle: Alright, so you finish setting up your little corner of the camp and around the same time as this you notice everybody’s broken off into three different groups. You’ve got Boom Queen, Whimpy and Big Shot- they're hanging around the fire-

Goodrich: You mean, Erin.

Kyle: I mean it’s- it’s one of those names that started off as like, “yeah you’re a big shot.” And then all the sudden it became a double meaning-

Goodrich: Oooh!

Spurrier: Well, well.

Kyle: Yeah.

Spurrier: Clever turnups.

Kyle: Yeah.

Spurrier: One-point o’s back, great.

[All chuckling]

Kyle: So yeah, Boom Queen, Whimpy and Big Shot are all hanging around the fire chowing down, sounding quite jovial. John, Connor and Symbol [softly] dressed up as Luey, [normal] are all hanging around a table outside of a tent and they’re looking over something on the table-

Goodrich: Did you just say John Connor and Symbol?

Ali: He did.

Kyle: Yeah, I did.

[Players chuckling]

Goodrich: Perfect.

Kyle: I know- I know what I'm doing.

Spurrier: Okay!

Kyle: Believe you, me- I know what I'm doing.

Spurrier: [Softly] I’m gonna write that down, John Connor’s here.

[Soft laughter]

Kyle: So- and of course Layla and Jaffney are still sitting at their table reading through scrolls and whatnot. Jermaine getting them a book here and there. So but, you three are standing around looking at these groups. What do?

Goodrich: Well, I wanna talk to Symbol about Eddie, especially after that little exchange; and I turn to Randy and I say-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, you think maybe now would be a good time to talk to Splash about Eddie? Especially after we helped the dude with his books and then- did you let Eddie come out and try to trip him or was that-

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, no, that was me.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay-

Spurrier (as Randy): I gave that guy a good looking over and somethings..off. Right.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well-

Spurrier (as Randy): Something’s a little weird about that guy.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well the line as to whether or not it’s you-

Spurrier (as Randy): Well I've told you guys so far now when it’s been him ever since-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I- I-

Spurrier (as Randy): Old fingerless- non-Fingerbones all went down.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well regardless, the line for me- I don’t know about you Yashee, but the line for me is starting to get a little blurry with whether or not it’s you- in the moment, right? You know what I'm sayin’-

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Like, whenever Eddie pops out- is this Randy controlling Eddie? Is this Eddie controlling Eddie? It’s just kind of getting a little hard to-

Ali (as Yashee): Hard to know-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Discern.

Spurrier (as Randy): Okay!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So, I mean yeah-

Spurrier (as Randy): Let’s go chat it up, let’s see if we can get him away from the pack.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yes, how do we want to do that?

Ali (as Yashee): I’m gonna throw-

Spurrier (as Randy): We could just go ask him-

Ali (as Yashee): I’m gonna throw a spoon at him.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay.

Ali: I’m gonna find like a nice uh, I don’t know, one that I think it’s aim will be true.

[All chuckling]

Kyle: [Amused] Okay.

Ali: Pull out a nice skinny one- [Whoosh] right over there, just not too hard.

Kyle: Yeah, yeah, no, I feel ya.

[Ali laughs]

Kyle: Roll me a dexterity check.

[Players chuckling]

Ali: Uh, okay.

Kyle: Yeah.

Ali: [Rolls dice] It’s a twenty.

[Players laugh]

Kyle: Oh my gosh.

Ali: Nineteen plus one.

Kyle: So, you throw this spoon and it lands right on the table [metal clanks on surface]

Goodrich: [Laughing] Right next to a plate!

Kyle: Yeah! Right next to where ever these three are looking at on this table. And they all kind of look up and they look in the direction the spoon came from.

Goodrich: And we’re just waving-

Ali: Just waving, yeah.

Kyle: Yeah, and John kind of looks at Connor and then looks at Symbol dressed up as Luey; gestures his head in your direction.

Ali: I’m gonna say-

Ali (as Yashee): Hey Luey, can you bring me my spoon? It got away from me somehow.

[Others burst into laughter]

Ali (as Yashee): Do you mind bringing that over here?

Kyle: Symbol, as Luey, grabs it and says-

Kyle (as Symbol): [New York accent] Yeah, you must have been up to some real spoonin’ over there to lose it this far.

Ali (as Yashee): Just- yeah, I dunno. [Laughs] I was really getting into it.

Kyle: You see him turn and say, “I’ll be right back.” and heads over and comes up to you three; looks behind him for a second, looks over his shoulder and says-

Kyle (as Symbol): [Without accent] Okay, so uh, real quick, your assignments due.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What?

Kyle: He holds out his hand.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What assignment? What are you talking about? We're on an assignment here with you, prof.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yees.

[Ali laughs]

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): We didn’t get- what are you talking about? We’re here with you.

Kyle (as Symbol): Yeah, no-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I thought we were kind of on a break from school.

Kyle (as Symbol): No, I gave you-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Mumbling]

Kyle (as Symbol): I gave you a scroll to get signed.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [With realization] Ooh!

Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, yeah yeah yeah.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, we- Randy you got that, right?

Spurrier (as Randy): Yup! Yup, yup, yup, yup, let’s make sure it looks good. Just lemme skim through this again..reading it well..

[Players chuckling]

Spurrier (as Randy): Okay, looks good! There you go- [grunts]

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Wow, get everything you need out of that, bud?

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah! I was just skimming it again to make sure it was all- that it was all signed and dotted and T’s and I’s.

Goodrich: Wait, does Randy know what T’s and I’s are?

[Ali’s bursts into laughter]

Spurrier: He’s heard the saying.

Goodrich: [Laughing] Okay.

Spurrier: He doesn’t know what it means but.

Goodrich: It’s something you say around the context of reading.

Spurrier: Yeah!

Goodrich: Got it.

Kyle: You know, minding your P’s and Q’s.

Goodrich: Right, yeah.

Ali: I was hoping he would have handed you like, the wrong scroll.

[All laugh]

Ali: Like after all that checking he did it’s like, “Dude, this is like your math homework.”

[Laughter continues]

Spurrier: Just Randy’s drawings.

Kyle: So, Symbol inspects the scrolls; looks at it, looks at you three and goes-

Kyle: (as Symbol): Okay..

Kyle: Pulls out a book and opens it up, begins muttering as he’s writing he says-

Kyle (as Symbol): [Mumbling] Assignment three? Yeah..

[Players laughing]

Kyle: He takes a beat, looks and says-

Kyle (as Symbol): Okay..

Kyle: Looks at you three again.

Goodrich: We’re all grinning at him like- ehhhh, did a good job?

Kyle (as Symbol): Your song, major or minor?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Major.

Spurrier (as Randy): Major- no, minor!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, crap! Yeah!

Spurrier (as Randy): It was minor!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It was minor, it was minor!

Kyle (as Symbol): Minor?

Spurrier (as Randy): With Fingerbones.

Ali (as Yashee): Fingerbones-

Spurrier (as Randy): We had to cater to the feeling of the bar; everyone was sad so we made it minor.

Kyle (as Symbol): Oh perfect, excellent, okay.

Goodrich: Nice!

Kyle: And he snaps his book closed and tucks it away.

Spurrier: Yes!

Goodrich: Nailed it!

Kyle (as Symbol): Okay, strict teacher time done. How did your uh, ride through the desert treat you? How was your sandatee?

Spurrier (as Randy): It was good.

Ali (as Yashee): Mine was very pleasant, I made a friend.

Kyle (as Symbol): You made a friend? That's good.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, I got to ride historic on the Basom road. That was pretty brutal.

Kyle (as Symbol): I saw you back there.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, it was awesome!

Spurrier (as Randy): I pretended like I was part of a ship.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Also, you remember back when we were on the way here? We kind of talked about Eddie?

Goodrich: I kinda- I put my arm around Randy, kinda bring him in closer.

Kyle (as Symbol): Yes?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Talked about Eddie a little bit and we maybe were going to keep an eye on things? Well, it’s been kind of acting a little weird- Eddie that is, not Randy-

Spurrier (as Randy): Well-

[Players laugh]

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Potato, pot-a-to. Um so, do you know- we've got this-

Goodrich: And I start turning you around.

Spurrier: Oh! [Laughs]

Kyle (as Symbol): Oh yeah, you said something about a back-

Ali: I pull up his shirt, pull it right up.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So, we’ve got this happening also now. Do you know what this means?

Kyle: You lift up Randy’s shirt- I imagine- Randy, you let this happen?

Spurrier: Oh, yeah! It’s fine!

[All laugh]

Kyle: Okay-

Spurrier: My shirt comes up at least a couple times an episode.

Kyle: So yeah- it wouldn’t be Bombarded if it didn’t. Okay so, you lift up Randy’s shirt and Symbol immediately busts out a journal and just starts copying down the image and drawing what he sees. And as he’s looking over he’s like-

Kyle (as Symbol): That one right there.

Kyle: And he points to a specific rune and he says-

Kyle (as Symbol): This one uh, this one is a clerical rune and it’s used by worshipers of Modulus, the God of Transformation.

Goodrich: [Chuckles] Okay.

Spurrier: Oh!

Kyle (as Symbol): And-

Goodrich: Not the gods of modulation?

Kyle: No.

Goodrich: [Laughs] Okay!

Kyle: Transformation.

Goodrich: I see, I’m smelling what you’re stepping in, it’s cool.

Kyle: Picking up what I'm putting down?

Goodrich: Yeah.

Kyle: And Randy, whenever he says this you remember something of your time with the Nowhere Man. You remember a man named Doctor The Patient and he would talk about Modulus from time to time. You know, the many glories of Modulus and what Modulus provides as far as being able to transform the world, and also just minor things. It's very- it's very much in the realm of uh, transmutational magic.

Spurrier: Okay, do I get much out of this- like, was this something he talked to me about often-

Kyle: No-

Spurrier: Was it just something that kind of came up?

Kyle: It was just- it was a characteristic of his to talk about this god and he seemed very forward about it. So, yeah!

Goodrich: It’s like learning about atonal music. You hear about it but you know, never really screw around with it.

[Kyle laughs]

Goodrich: Unless you’re Kyle!

Kyle: Yeah, that’s true.

[Overlapping conversation]

Spurrier (as Randy): Wait, Splash what was that name again?

Kyle (as Symbol): Uh, Modulus.

Spurrier (as Randy): [Softly] Modulus.. [Normal] Okay, I don’t know if this matters really but, one of the Nowhere Man, Doctor the..Patient- yeah, he would talk about this guy a lot. He was super emphatic about how delightful he is.

Kyle (as Symbol): Okay..

Spurrier (as Randy): So, not sure if that’s helpful but um, kind of weird. I haven’t thought about that in I don’t even know how long.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Also, there’s this crack.

Goodrich: And I point to the crack.

Spurrier (as Randy): You can stick your finger in it.

Kyle (as Symbol): I-

Ali (as Yashee): We all did!

[Players chuckle]

Kyle: He tries, and uh, Yashee and Raz’ul, as you point out the crack you notice that it’s a little bit bigger than it was last time.

Goodrich: Oh boy.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It was smaller, uh-

Ali (as Yashee): We could only stick one finger in it at a time.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, and also, it’s kinda hard on the inside? We don’t know what’s going on, man. I don’t- I- did just-

Kyle (as Symbol): Well-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Do you know what’s going on and Eddie seems to be acting a little bit crazier than usual? I don’t know if it’s the proximity to these glowy stones or what the deal is.

Kyle (as Symbol): Well, I wouldn’t know myself but if you know somebody who followed Modulus I mean, perhaps they would be able to shed some light on this.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): But they’re a Nowhere Man…the last Nowhere Man we met tried to kills us.

Spurrier (as Randy): I was gonna say, seeking them out might be a little..

Kyle (as Symbol): Yeah, it’s a real bummer you seem to be at ends with them.

Spurrier (as Randy): [Chuckles] Just a little, yeah. I mean, you guys are pretty privy to this at this point so I guess I can probably say- this might be kind of obvious. Eddie’s the reason why the Nowhere Men and I are at ends- or the Nowhere Man I should say, it’s plural as well.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Why do they want Eddie? He seems to just be causing problems.

Spurrier (as Randy): Right, right, well- [sighs] Alright, since it’s just all of us and we’re out in the middle of nowhere, and it’s nighttime, I'm just gonna put the basics out there. So, I mean, you guys know I was in league with them, with the Nowhere Man, I was-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Wait so, are you a Nowhere Man?

Spurrier (as Randy): I was working on it.

[Players react in shock and also confirmation]

Spurrier (as Randy): I never quite made it to that level, but I have a lot of training and such from them. And Eddie was something they had, Eddie’s essentially a gem- I presume there’s something in the gem. And so, one day I was by it and you guys know how he’s kind of calling out to me now, he called out to me then, and since I've never been around this is just instantly happened. Uh, I just took it and he was telling me to eat him-

[All laugh]

Spurrier (as Randy): And I did! And it was that and afterwards I kind of realized what happened and I was like, “ooh,” and I realized the severity of it. I didn’t leave them until a little bit later but it wasn’t too long after that.

Goodrich: So, what you’re saying is you never learned how to read?

[All laugh]

Spurrier: Exactly!

Goodrich: Just kidding, no!

Ali: There was a sign right next to him that’s like, “Don’t eat me.”

[Laughter continues]

Spurrier: There was Randy’s downfall.

Kyle: You had to be there to know.

Goodrich: Yeah!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, that sucks!

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, well, I mean-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): For you- so, you’re saying you weren’t in control of yourself you just kinda-

Spurrier (as Randy): Well, right-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Reached out and grabbed out and grabbed it.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, it was basically an overwhelming power and force and I was like “Oh, eat me? Okay!”

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): He was like, [singing] Randy, reach out and touch me! And you ate him.

Spurrier (as Randy): And I did!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, uh-

Kyle (as Symbol): You ate a gem!?

Spurrier (as Randy): [Pauses] Yes.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So, is it still in your tummy? Is it like swallowing gum where it stays in your tummy for seven years? Or will this gem just naturally pass?

[Ali starts laughing]

Spurrier (as Randy): I-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Should we start checking your droppings?

Spurrier (as Randy): Not yet!

[All laughing]

Kyle: Squeeze it out of him!

Goodrich: Yeah!

Spurrier: I mean, you’re certainly free to try.

[Laughter continues]

Spurrier (as Randy): It’s been- [pauses] over twenty years since this happened and-

Goodrich: Oh.

Spurrier (as Randy): It’s still there? I mean, that’s why I can cast those other spells. I mean, you guys have seen it plenty of times now, I mean-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Maybe that’s why you couldn’t handle that spicy food.

[All chuckle]

Goodrich: I don’t know, is there like fantasy ipecac we could give him and see if he barfs it up?

[Someone snickers]

Spurrier: I mean, I'll say-

Goodrich: We gotta get that out of you!

Spurrier (as Randy): In my adventures I've certainly thrown up a time or two. I don’t think that’s going to be a solution- I don’t think either end is going to be a means.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay.

Spurrier (as Randy): In its natural biological halfling functions.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Splash? You got any-

Kyle (as Symbol): [Mumbles] Symbol.

Spurrier (as Randy): I’ve laid it all out there, I’ve- I’ve- I don’t know what else to say at this point.

Kyle (as Symbol): Well, I mean-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, well thanks.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah- I mean, I know I've- again, as you have seen how dangerous these guys are. That’s why I was keeping all this secret. I mean, now that you’re privy to it- not that you’re guilty by association, but might as well be.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Kind of.

Kyle (as Symbol): Kind- yeah, I say kind of. We took two of their fingers technically.

Spurrier (as Randy): I mean, at this point especially but even just being associated with me-

Ali (as Yashee): I’ll give them back if they want ‘em-

[All laugh]

Ali (as Yashee): I mean I've got ‘em zip locked; keepin’ ‘em fresh.

Kyle (as Symbol): Yeah, maybe that doctor guy can do something about it.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, exactly!

Kyle (as Symbol): I don’t know, I guess if you come across one of the Nowhere Man you might want to think about how you approach the next situation.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah [sighs] yeah, I guess if you guys can just check my back maybe once a day from this point, we can keep an eye on the crack.

[Players agree]

Spurrier (as Randy): Cause again, I don’t feel anything.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, we’ll just keep an eye on it.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, I don’t really know what else there is to do. I mean, Splash do you know of any remedies?

Kyle (as Symbol): It’s Symbol, but no I can’t really think of anything. Again, it seems like an amuse bouche of different runes and sigils.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.

Ali (as Yashee) I wonder if uh, Jermaine has any books on the topic of uh..Modulus?

Spurrier (as Randy): Modulus? Yeah.

Kyle (as Symbol): You could check-

Ali (as Yashee): He has like a whole library in one bag, it’s great.

Spurrier (as Randy): Maybe if you guys wanna go ask?

[All laugh]

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, I guess. Yashee, let’s go check it out.

Ali (as Yashee): Okay!

Goodrich: Kyle, who’s all over by Jermaine?

Kyle: It’s Jaffney and Layla.

Goodrich: Okay.

Spurrier: And as you guys are walking away I just call out-

Spurrier (as Randy): Uh, remember! He’s sneaky!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Riiight.

Spurrier (as Randy): He’s a liar!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay.

Spurrier (as Randy): Keep an eye out!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Got it, thanks! Bye!

Spurrier (as Randy): Bye!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Bye Randy and Splash!

Kyle (as Symbol): [Softly] It’s Symbol!

[All laugh]

Goodrich: So, I turn to you-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yashee, can you walk and talk?

Ali (as Yashee): [Laughs] I think I can manage that, yeah.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Chuckles] Okay-

Goodrich: So, as we’re walking-

Ali (as Yashee): [Softly] Right, left, right, left.

Goodrich: right, left, right, left [chuckles] So, as we’re walking over, I say-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So, maybe I can transform into an animal and maybe go and sneak a book away from him instead of just [pauses] walking up in there.

Ali (as Yashee): Sure! I’ll distract him [pauses] somehow.

[All laugh]

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well okay, if you’re gonna distract him, Yashee then why don’t we kind of split around? Kinda go around both sides and you can try to distract him and I'll sneak up where the books are.

Kyle: Mm, clever girl.

Goodrich: Clever girl, exactly! Just like the velociraptors!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, I'll transform while I'm over there on the other side of the ridge-

Goodrich: I don’t know, what’s the setting like on the other side of their tent?

Kyle: Oh, well yeah, from the way you’re looking at it- they're in the middle between two tents. They have a table set up; little bit of an overhang set up over them and Jermaine is basically standing behind the table that they’re sitting at standing next to a back pack that has books just piling out of it.

Goodrich: Okay, so I turn to you Yashee and I say-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You got it?

Ali (as Yashee): [Hesitant] Y-yeah, yeah-

Ali & Goodrich: Ready? Break! [Clap]

[All chuckle]

Ali: I’ll head around.

Goodrich: Okay, and I’m gonna roll for what animal I get. [Rolls dice]

Kyle: Okay.

Goodrich: So, fifty-two is a [laughing] black bear.

Kyle: Great!

Spurrier: Perfect!

Kyle: Fits right in.

Goodrich: Not super, so I guess uh, do I keep this roll or do I go for my second one? Ehhh-

[Overlapping conversation about changing animals]

Goodrich: I still have to transform I so I do I go- [Groaning and voice becomes deeper] and I'm a black bear.

Kyle: Red cheeked black bear returns.

Goodrich: [Deep voice] Yeah, I don’t think this is gonna work and I say-

Goodrich: (as Raz’ul): [Deep voice slowly returns back to normal] Stupid Raz’ul, stupid raz’ul-

Goodrich: And I’m hitting myself in the head as a black bear, I can’t get it right! So alright, I'm gonna roll again and this is what I go with. [Shakes dice and rolls it] It’s fifty-four, wow. Which is [laughs] a brown bear!

[All burst into laughter]

Spurrier: Isn’t that even bigger?

Goodrich: Yeah, a little bit.

Goodrich: So, I go again-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Groaning and voice becomes deeper] And I’m a brown bear- brown bear!? Damnit, Raz’ul! Ah!

Kyle: So, you transform into a black bear, and I imagine you sitting on your back with your legs out with your legs out in front of you. You know, you’re hitting yourself and you’re like, “come on, you can do this!”

Goodrich: Yeah!

Kyle: And then, you just go a little bit bigger and your fur turns brown!

[All laughing]

Kyle: And you’re sitting there and you just look at your hands and you’re like-

Goodrich: [Disappointed] Aw..

Kyle: Yeah.

Goodrich: Or I guess I'd be- [Deep voice, disappointed] Aw..

Ali: Well, I have walked to the other side of them. Um, is just Jermaine kind of aware and looking? Or the other two have their nose in a book or?

Kyle: Yeah, Jermaine is looking through some of the books that he has on the ground around him.

Ali: I’m probably going to distract all three of them, right?

Kyle: Yeah.

Ali: Uh okay, so I'm gonna take out a couple spoons and just say uh-

Ali (as Yashee): Hey guys! Nice to finally meet you and hang out a little bit. I thought you might want a little jam; you know, you can play along- do you have any spoons? Would you wanna- well, I'm just gonna play a little song for ya and if you wanna play along with me you’re welcome to it.

Ali: So, I'm gonna start tapping I'm like-

Ali (as Yashee): [Metal clinking together] Watch me! It's really fun!

Kyle: Okay, roll me a performance check.

Goodrich: I’m just watching [laughs] as a brown bear. I'm just peeking around the side of a rock.

Ali: [Chuckling] Oh, It’s a two plus five.

Kyle: [Rolls dice] Jaffney and Layla don’t seem really into it. They're like, stuck in their books but Jermaine is kind of looking, he’s like-

Kyle (as Jermaine): Hey, well that’s- that’s interesting.

Goodrich: So, I just barge in there as a brown bear! And uh, I can see that this isn’t going well so I just run through. A ’la Lost World with you know, having a little presentation and the triceratops bursts through-

Kyle: Yeah-

Goodrich: So that’s me except for I’m a brown bear and I just go- [roars in a deep voice]

Kyle: You just- okay! You run through- what are you trying to hit?

Goodrich: Well I'm trying just to make a giant scene and hit the books so that they fly everywhere. You know, and as I run past Yashee, maybe I wink like-

Ali: [Groans]

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Deep voice] I got those books, go ahead!

[All laughing]

Kyle: Yeah okay, so you run through there and you barrel through and books all fly up in the air.

Goodrich: Probably a lot more than books fly.

Kyle: Oh yeah, and-

Goodrich: The entire-

Kyle: Jermaine is knocked off balance and he falls into the back pack and the pile of books falls over. And Layla and Jaffney are just like- “What was that!? Oh my gosh!”

Ali: I’m gonna take the opportunity and dash in. I even might go in hard like-

Ali (as Yashee): Oh, let me help you with that!

Ali: And I actually knock Jermaine a little bit farther away from the books-

[All laugh]

Kyle: Okay!

Ali: In doing so I'm just gonna start gathering them and like try to look at as many covers as I can as fast as I can.

Kyle: Roll me and investigation check.

Ali: [Rolls dice] Uh, fifteen!

Kyle: Fifteen? Okay so, you’re rifling through the books and you don’t find anything specific about Modulus but you do find a book about Algar’s Pantheon of Gods.

Ali: Oh, okay! [Laughs] like, what size is the book? Will it fit into a pocket?

Kyle: A pocket or something or-

Ali: Wide pockets?

Kyle: Yeah, give me a slight of hand, and do it at advantage since you knocked over Jermaine and Layla and-

Ali: [Rolls dice] Fourteen!

Kyle: And.. [Rolls dice] Yeah, so you’re able to sneak the book away.

Ali: Cool! Well, I guess I’ll take it and head on out.

Kyle: ‘Kay, you’re walking away and you kinda hear uh, you hear Jaffney say-

Kyle (as Jaffney): What- what the heck was that?

Kyle: And Layla responds-

Kyle (as Layla): Oh, one of those bards is a druid.

Goodrich: Wha-

Kyle: And then you hear Jaffney just say-

Kyle (as Jaffney): [Scoffs] Bards..

[Players chuckle]

Goodrich: So, she knows that I'm a druid?

Kyle: Yeah! You know, she’s a high enough druid-

Goodrich: Ooh, okay-

Kyle: Where she can recognize her own type and where else is a bear in this desert gonna come from?

Goodrich: Yeah, yeah good point.

Kyle: Yeah.

Goodrich: Alright.

Spurrier: Am I able to watch this whole thing?

Kyle: Yeah, you see it happening!

Spurrier: Oh, good! I'm so glad!

Goodrich: But you didn’t see me fail at bear morphing, no.

Spurrier: Oh no, no, I didn’t see-

Ali: I’m just giggling and pointing from the other side. Ha ha!

Spurrier: I did see that. Your shame.

Goodrich: Are you just hanging out with Splash? Are you guys sharing uh-

Spurrier: Yeah, I'm just sittin’ and watching.

Kyle: Randy, as you’re sitting there watching this with Splash, Splash is just you know talking to you, and he’s just like-

Kyle (as Symbol): Well your buddy’s are-

Goodrich: [Laughing] Tearing the camp up!

Kyle (as Symbol): Tearing the camp apart. You know, terrorizing the people. I think you should know I was talking with John over there and there seems to be some issues with what his team can do. Apparently if the meteor went deep enough under the surface it falls into different jurisdiction and that would be the Bureau of Underground Affairs and the U.P.P.S. John is going to have Jaffney run some tests tomorrow and while she does this you should investigate the area. I'm gonna be busy interviewing the people? You know like-

Spurrier (as Randy): Sure.

Kyle (as Symbol): Newspaper people should. But if you can investigate the area- and by you, I mean you and your troublesome trio that you have going on-

Spurrier (as Randy): [Amused] They are putting on quite a show.

Kyle (as Symbol): It’s very entertaining, I will admit-

Spurrier (as Randy): As bards they’re doing fantastically.

Goodrich: And in the background you hear- [Yelling in a deep distorted voice for the bear]

[Players laugh]

Kyle (as Symbol) But, let me ask you this while I also have you. Where’d you get your instrument?

Spurrier (as Randy): [Pauses] Um..do you know of the Mons Organum?

Kyle (as Symbol): I do, absolutely.

Spurrier (as Randy): You do. Do you know about the halfling families who kept it for ages and ages?

Kyle (as Symbol): Oh, the long line of the single family? Yes.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah well, you’re looking at the last member of that line.

Kyle (as Symbol): [Shocked] Oh..

Spurrier (as Randy): Yes.

Kyle (as Symbol): Okay.

Spurrier (as Randy): And uh, well.. So, Nowhere Man training, all that you know, obviously for something as prestigious as that you need a final test to prove your worth.

Kyle (as Symbol) Okay.

Spurrier (as Randy): And uh, there was- well, there is- was, depending on how you look at it, a treasure way deep inside that mountainous organ and uh, getting it was my task.

Kyle (as Symbol): Okay-

Spurrier (as Randy): Because they knew I had access to it and kind of knew my way around it. I mean, I never spent a ton of time there. I wasn’t quite ready for it at the age that things happened.

Kyle (as Symbol): Uh, right.

Spurrier (as Randy): But I knew enough of it and uh, at that point it was a test not only of my skill but of betraying my family. Betraying my name and betraying the lineage that I came from, and when push came to shove family won out, and that’s when I split from them with both Eddie and the organ. Uh, you can see there’s double the reason why they’re after me.

Kyle (as Symbol): Yeah.

Spurrier (as Randy): So, we’re just laying it all out on the table today!

Kyle (as Symbol): Makes some sense, well, it’s good to hear that you didn’t turn on your family.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah.

Kyle (as Symbol): Um-

Spurrier (as Randy): That was the- I mean, I was so disconnected from them cause I had left them when I was so young-

Kyle (as Symbol): Right.

Spurrier (as Randy): But uh, something clicked inside me when I was confronted with that choice.

Kyle (as Symbol): Good to know.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, so-

Kyle (as Symbol): I appreciate you confiding in me, Randy.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah of course, Splash.

Goodrich: And at this point I run up and I'm like-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Panting heavily in a deep voice then quickly goes back to normal] H-hey! Hey, uh, Yashee make it back? Where- where is-

Ali: I come up; I'm skipping along.

Spurrier: And I just stand up and I slowly- [Claps slowly]

[All laugh]

Spurrier (as Randy): Fan. Tastic! Encore!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You saw that huh? Yeah.

Spurrier (as Randy): That was wonderful.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yup!

Ali (as Yashee): Well look what came of it! Here you go.

[Players excitedly congratulate Yashee]

Ali (as Yashee): Uh, hopefully it will help. I don’t know, here Randy!

Spurrier (as Randy): Oh! Thank you, uhh..

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What’s it say?

Spurrier: I’m flipping through-

Spurrier (as Randy): All these pictures, I guess these are different gods. All these different illustrations and etchings.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Check the index, do you see anything in there about uh, what’s it called Splash?

Kyle (as Symbol): Modulus.

Goodrich & Spurrier: Modulus?

Spurrier (as Randy): I mean, history was never really my subject- I mean, I would imagine- I mean, either of you guys-

Kyle (as Symbol): Randy, we’re bards, we’re supposed to be cataloging history.

[Players laugh loudly]

Spurrier (as Randy): Well yeah, that’s what we came here to learn how to do!

Kyle (as Symbol): Fair point.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah! So, Splash, I presume you have the most history.

Kyle: Splash takes the book, he’s like-

Kyle (as Symbol): This is beginner god lore. I mean, Modulus is Altonia’s nephew; his father Tonis is the brother of Altonia.

Goodrich: Jeez..

Kyle (as Symbol): Tonis being the god of order, Modulus is the son being a little bit more chaotic. You know, transformations-

Spurrier (as Randy): Sure!

Kyle (as Symbol): So-

Spurrier (as Randy): Sure, of course.

Kyle (as Symbol): Um, but perhaps if you read through here, maybe match up sigils? Maybe you could find something that leads you in the right path.

Goodrich: Okay, and I take it from Splash and I start going through it like-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright, let’s see here.

Kyle (as Symbol): You three have fun with that, I'm gonna go bed down for the night.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey uh, if they say anything about a brown bear? You know..

Kyle (as Symbol): What brown bear?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Heyyy, there he is!

Kyle (as Symbol): Hey, I gotcha.

Spurrier & Ali: Night, Splash!

Goodrich: Night!

Kyle (as Symbol): It’s Symbol.

Ali: Let’s go into our tent and like-

Spurrier: Yeah, we’ve had quite and evening, yeah.

Goodrich: Yes.

Ali: Maybe bring some moon stones in there with us-

[Players yay]

Ali: Put a blanket over us so people don’t have the glow- like flashlights at a sleep over.

Goodrich: Plus, we did steal that book.

[Players chuckle]

Spurrier: Has Splashed walked away already?

Kyle: Yeah-

Spurrier: Okay, I'll just talk to him in the morning, it’s fine.

Goodrich: Cool.

Kyle: Alright, so you’re heading back to your tent; you’re gonna get ready to bed down and as you’re heading back, Raz’ul you hear somebody talk to you in dwarvish. Randy and Yashee, do you speak dwarvin at all?

Spurrier: Nope!

Ali: I do not, however, if it’s something that I might be wanting to listen in on I have comprehend language, so.

Kyle: That is- that is your choice if you want to cast that. But, Raz’ul you hear Connor speak to you in dwarvish and say-

Kyle (as Connor): [With heavy Scottish accent] M’lord I uh, [sighs] I’m afraid we should talk for a minute.

Goodrich: I look behind me and say-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Huh?

Goodrich: I point to myself.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You talkin’ to me? Uh-

Kyle (as Connor): Yes, you.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh-

Kyle (as Connor): You, M’lord. Why don’t we uh, why don’t we have a quick chat?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Nervous] Oh, I don’t know if now's the time.

Spurrier: And you’re saying this in?

Ali: Dwarvish.

Spurrier: Dwarvish.

Goodrich: Yeah.

Spurrier: Okay, cool.

Kyle: Yeah, so you two can’t understand a word of what’s going on.

Spurrier: Okay, cool.

Ali: I’m not gonna cast it, seems like eh.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I don’t know if now’s the time but..

Kyle (as Connor): I don’t mean to press, my liege but I'm not one to not recognize my own royalty.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Defeated] Okay, this seem serious.

Goodrich: Uh, and I switch back over to common and I say-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, you guys can go get the tent set up and gather rocks up. This guy uh.

Spurrier (as Randy): Everything cool?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah well, he [clears throat] he might have seen the brown bear and I'm just gonna make sure everything's cool, alright?

Ali (as Yashee): You sure you don’t want me to stay with you?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uhhhhh, no. No, that’s cool.

Ali (as Yashee): I’ll tell this guy to scram if you want.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No, he seems on the level but I'm just saying uh, you know just- [stammers] unless you guys wanna hear us talking our dwarven it's probably not a big deal.

Ali (as Yashee): Ehh, it’s never been my favorite language.

[Players chuckle]

Goodrich: Okay, that was uncalled for-

[Overlapping conversation, laughter]

Kyle: It sounds like gargling rocks.

Ali: It’s impressive, yeah.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well you guys get that tent set up and I'll meet you guys in a little. I'm just gonna make sure this guy doesn’t go yakking.

Ali (as Yashee): Let’s go find some nice moon stones to bring in.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yes!

Goodrich: And then I walk back over to Connor, switch back over to dwarvish and say-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey uh, yeah you look kinda familiar but I can’t- you said Rock Deep earlier or somethin’?

Kyle (as Connor): Yeah, no, I- I know boy, I know.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay.

Kyle (as Connor): And I just wanna know are you finding what you’re supposed to by taking the ax?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, I mean, I'm working on it. I mean, so far the juice has been worth the squeeze if you know what I mean?

Goodrich: And I elbow him, cause that’s an old-

Kyle (as Connor): [Chuckles]

Goodrich: An old dwarf saying.

Kyle (as Connor): I- yeah.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So, but Daz’ul’s not looking for me, is he? Or?

Kyle (as Connor): No! No-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I kinda figured he wouldn’t even notice so-

Kyle (as Connor): I might be speaking out of place, or out of turn-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah who are you, man? I mean Connor is all I've pretty much got so-

Kyle (as Connor): Well- [sighs] It’s- she told us.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Softly] Oh.

Kyle (as Connor): She told us. You know who she is right? The one which made that ax.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Realization] Oooh.

Kyle (as Connor): She told us you’d come for it and again I'm- you might want to speak to your dad.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, I don’t know..that guy..

Kyle (as Connor): Cause there’s things I shouldn’t say.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, can you spill a little bit or?

Kyle (as Connor): I am honor bound to my king and even though you may be his son-

Goodrich: Can I do a persuasion check?

Kyle: You can try!

Goodrich: Alright! [Rolls dice] and it’s a two. [Chuckles] and I say, pleaaaaase?

Kyle: He’s like-

Kyle (as Connor): No.

Goodrich: [Laughs] Okay.

Kyle (as Connor): Again, I'm honor bound to your dad and uh, if anybody were to be able to speak the words to you that [sighs] it should be him.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Speak the words? What are you talking about?

Kyle (as Connor): Ay, I shouldn’t have said that.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.

Kyle (as Connor): I-I shouldn’t have said that.

Goodrich: [chuckles, with accent] I should not have said that!

[All laugh]

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, well listen, um-

Kyle (as Connor): Lad, lad, you’ve got concern on your brow. I can see it.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, I mean you ain’t no snitch are ya? Who are you, man? Like, I mean you know who I am but I don’t really know who-

Kyle (as Connor): Oh, I'm just a dwarf-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You from Oodalolli?

Kyle (as Connor): Yeah.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay well-

Kyle (as Connor): It’s how I know of you, your family, my king.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, yeah.. Well, are you going back there or you kind of traveling around with this crew?

Kyle (as Connor): No, I consult now in Sundance.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh okay, cool. So, you’re like a- okay. Well listen, if any dwarfs come through.. I mean, maybe you don’t mention you ran into me here if that’s..

Kyle (as Connor): If that’s what you want M’lord.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I mean, if that’s cool with you man ‘cause I've made some really cool friends here which, I didn’t really have a lot of back in the mountain.

Kyle (as Connor): I-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So- and I'm onto some really cool stuff with the ax and- I don’t- I don’t know, it’s been really great and I don’t- I'm not quite done.

Kyle (as Connor): Well if uh, if that’s the goal intended for you having that ax-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well I mean, I'm looking into what it does. That's why I'm here, man is to figure out what’s going on so that you know, we can kinda use it for good even if it’s just sittin’ in the- I mean, I don’t really wanna get into everything so, let’s just leave it there and you know, I'm doing good stuff with it. I think that everything's going well, I've met two great people that’ve- I mean, that have been really good for me?

Kyle (as Connor): Great!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It’s awesome! So, I just don’t want to uh, mess anything up so.

Kyle (as Connor): That’s fair, M’lord.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Cool.

Kyle (as Connor): You don’t have to worry about me, we’re kin.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, Awesome.

Goodrich: Do we have like a dwarf handshake that we do?

Kyle: Yeah, totally!

Goodrich: Okay, we do it! And It's perfect.

Kyle: Slap, dab, and take a nap!

Goodrich: Here, I'm gonna roll for performance. [Rolls dice] Oh, ten! Uh, plus five, fifteen.

Kyle: He very awkwardly manages his way through it and you can tell he’s not like, he’s just faking his way through it. He did bad, you did good.

Goodrich: He’s a little bit older and I'm some of that young blood so-

Kyle: Right, right, right yeah-

Goodrich: He’s got- yeah so, I'm a little bit more in tune with it-

Kyle: Ah! There you go!

[Players chuckle]

Kyle: Ay!

Goodrich: Ay! So, I say-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright man, cool. Well, good talking with you but you know, we’re gonna go and you know- bards and whatnot, gotta practice and such. I'm in school now so I gotta study and whatnot-

Kyle (as Connor): Ay, M’lord I'll leave you to it.

Kyle: And he does like a very audacious salute.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, yeah maybe tone that down a little.

Kyle (as Connor): Oh, yeah-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah-

Kyle (as Connor): Okay.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, no, you’re good.

Kyle: And he heads off.

Goodrich: Sweet, and I head back to the tent. I say-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright, I think we’re good uh, how’d you guys do while I was gone? Setting stuff up and whatnot.

Spurrier: Uh let’s uh-

[Players laugh]

Ali: I have handfuls of moon stones.

Goodrich: [Laughs] Aw.

Kyle: Just being shoved in there?

Ali: Yeah.

Spurrier: Hanging them up around, making little chandeliers and such.

Kyle: So again, the setup is three tent domiciles with two connecting to a center one?

Goodrich: Nah I'm ditching that, let’s just all go in one tent, we all gotta read this book.

Ali: Yeah, we just combined all three into one.

Kyle: Okay.

Spurrier: I should use my drift globe, so I'm gonna have my drift globe kind of be the center piece of this. I'm gonna make the hue be of a fire, I'm gonna make it look like a camp fire and say-

Spurrier (as Randy): Can one of you guys read this? It’s like a little camp fire story, learn about Modulus.

Goodrich: Do you curl up in the corner like-

Spurrier: Yeah.

Goodrich: We kinda get it that you’ve been read to a lot so-

Spurrier: Yeah!

[Players chuckling]

Goodrich: Maybe you’re still kind of there-

Ali: You take out Joby.

Spurrier: I take out Joby.

Goodrich: [Sigh] Okay.

Kyle: Get all cuddled up?

Goodrich & Spurrier: Yeah!

Goodrich: I say-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, Randy, why don’t you come over here and we’ll sit by Yashee?

Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, alright, Yashee can read us a story.

[Kyle laughs]

Goodrich: You did get the book, this is kinda your pay off.

Ali: Yup, yup!

Kyle: Yeah!

Ali: I read that chapter.

Kyle: Okay, so you’re reading through the chapter over Modulus and-

Ali: I’m making sure to turn the book and show them pictures-

[All laugh]

Ali: Showing them stuff, pointing it out.

Ali (as Yashee): See that right there? That’s- yeah-

Goodrich (as Randy): See that, Randy?

[Both Goodrich and Spurrier, “ooh” in interest]

Kyle: So yeah uh, and as Yashee reads through this you learn about Modulus and how Modulus is the god of transformation, and really helps with the school of transmutational magic. Another thing that you notice is there are a couple sigils that are very commonly used by worshipers of Modulus and one of them lines up with Randy’s tattoo.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Stop! Right there! Yashee, what’s that? What’s it say about that?

Ali: Oh, and I-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It looks like Randy’s ink?

Ali: Okay so, lets lift up his shirt-

Spurrier: I lift up my shirt-

Ali: Put ‘em side by side.

Goodrich: Why don’t we do this? Why don’t- Randy, why don’t you lay on your tummy-

Spurrier: Okay-

Goodrich: And then Yashee and I can put the book right next to-

[Kyle laughs loudly]

Goodrich: The tattoo on your back.

Spurrier: Then we’ll have the drift globe float up and turn white and it’ll be like, sort of like a doctor scene. Alright, we got this-

Goodrich: Perfect.

Spurrier (as Randy): Up, globe.

Ali: We do that.

Kyle: Alright, so the drift globe is floating above as Randy lies on his tummy. You two are matching up the books- Yashee and Raz’ul. And you match up the marking and you see the sigil that’s used in Randy’s tattoo is actually one that’s really close to the crack and has begun to kind of be affected by this crack. You notice that this sigil is referencing an impediment of magic. It’s almost like a uh, an anti-magical sigil to almost cancel out magical effects.

Goodrich: And that's what's cracking?

Kyle: Yeah, that’s what the crack is near at.

Goodrich: [Worried] Oh boy.

Spurrier: [Worried] Oh. Okay.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Looks like you’re leaking magic, buddy.

Spurrier (as Randy): Or leaking anti-magic.

Goodrich: It’s gonna be twelve gold plus parts and labor to fix this up-

[All laugh]

Spurrier: Your insurance doesn’t cover this.

Goodrich: Yeah, totally [chuckles]

Spurrier: [Sighs] Oh boy.

Goodrich: Is there anything on how to seal it back up? Cause I think that’s why-

Kyle: There’s nothing in there pertaining to that. Yashee, you’re not seeing anything Ra’zul asks. You flip through- again, this seems like a general reference guide for just the Pantheon of Algar.

Ali: Welp.

Kyle: But you do have another book now! That’s pretty cool, right!?

Goodrich: [Sighs] Yeah, I guess.

Spurrier: We can learn and have story time every night. Learn all sorts of-

Kyle: I have a lot of writing to do-

Ali: One new god a night.

[All chuckle, come back to this]

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I mean, we need to figure out a way to seal that up if there’s not a way to get Eddie out. That’s what I- that's where I-

Spurrier: You said it’s a clerical symbol?

Kyle: Yeah.

Spurrier (as Randy): We need to find a cleric, I guess.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, if we come across any apothecaries along the way- err, traveling.

Spurrier (as Randy): Maybe Splash knows a cleric.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.

Spurrier (as Randy): Knows where we can find one, at least.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, true-

Spurrier (as Randy): We should- we'll talk to him again in the morning.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Chuckles] that’s all we do.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah- oh, speaking of Splash, he did say we need to uh, investigate tomorrow? That’s pretty much our job. I meant to ask him if he meant investigate on the surface or in that massive hole, but I forgot so.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I’m starting to see a correlation here between this crack on you, a giant hole, investigating [sighs]

Spurrier (as Randy): It’s a lot of stuff going on.

Ali (as Yashee): Yeah.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oy vey.

Spurrier (as Raz’ul): Also, just really quick-

Spurrier: I won’t go through the whole thing again but I decide to tell you guys the whole story that I told Splash.

Goodrich: Uh-

Spurrier (as Randy): Just uh, we’re laying things out on the table today and that was uh- yeah, if Splash is gonna know you guys better damn well know-

Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, thanks for telling us.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.

Spurrier (as Randy): I mean, you guys are already guilty by association anyways. Might as well be filled in a little bit more.

Goodrich: Yeah.

Kyle: Just finish tying that knot.

Spurrier: [Chuckles] Exactly.

Goodrich: Yeah.

Spurrier (as Randy): So, sorry for making you guilty by association too but, you know-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It’s alright, yeah.

Ali (as Yashee): If I'm getting in trouble, I'd rather it be with you guys.

Spurrier: Aw.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Might as well.

Spurrier (as Randy): You guys already did some awesome mischief today so.

Goodirch (as Raz’ul): Yeah, we got in some funky junk today but eh, part for the course I suppose.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Listen, it’d probably a good idea to rest up cause I-

Spurrier (as Randy): Exactly what I was gonna say-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Transformed a little bit and I'm all tired from riding around all day.

Kyle: Did you wanna go to sleep?

[Players agree]

Ali: Put on our jam-jams and hit the hay-

Goodrich: Yeah-

Spurrier (as Randy): Through the tunnel!

Spurrier: And Randy dives through his tunnel, does an acrobatics- [rolls dice] that is a sixteen plus nine.

Kyle: Y-yeah describe it.

Goodrich: We don’t even know! We’re like-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What the hell? Where did Randy go?

[Players Laughs]

Spurrier: Yeah! I take a running leap uh, I run and jump off of Raz’ul and dive straight first and I manage to do a spin, so I do a cork screw as I go through it and at least get a three hundred sixty, maybe close to seven-twenty.

Goodrich: Do you wave to us as you go? Byee!

Spurrier: Yeah, I look back. I wave with my feet.

[All laugh]

Goodrich: I get up and stretch and say-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, I'm just gonna walk to mine so, night Yashee!

Ali (as Yashee): Night!

Ali: And I just lay down right there.

Kyle: Mkay.

Ali: I assume this one is my tent. [Chuckles]

Kyle: Yeah.

Ali: It’s the biggest.

Goodrich: Yeah, exactly.

Kyle: You lay down and uh, there’s a little tinkling on your ira glass and you hear a familiar voice, and it sounds like Tabitha.

Kyle (as Tabitha): [Soft voice, concerned] Yashee, are you okay?

Ali (as Yashee): [Yawns] Oh god, so tired- okay.

Ali: I pick it up-

Ali (as Yashee): [Confused] Hello?

Kyle (as Tabitha): Yashee, it’s Tabitha!

Ali (as Yashee): Oh, hi! I’m not usually the one to communicate through these things, I'm a little new at it.

Kyle (as Tabitha): Well, I just got one too so I'm trying to figure it out. I- I think it’s-

Ali (as Yashee): They’re pretty cool, right?

Kyle (as Tabitha): Yeah, it’s pretty awesome! They're just kinda-

Ali (as Yashee): Who knew?

Kyle (as Tabitha): Yeah, right? Pretty awesome- um, so how’s the desert?

Ali (as Yashee): It’s- eh, it’s been rough.

Kyle (as Tabitha): Are you three okay?

Ali (as Yashee): It’s alright though, we’ve been doing good. You know, we’re getting by.

Kyle (as Tabitha): Okay, I had heard something from- [sighs] well, I just heard something- I just wanted to make sure you were okay and you weren’t-

Ali (as Yashee): Wait, what did you hear?

Kyle (as Tabitha): Weeeeell... [mumbling] somebody said voids, um, dark places.

Ali (as Yashee): Who? Wait, its-

Kyle (as Tabitha): It’s hard to explain-

Ali (as Yashee): Come- come on, Tabitha. You gotta spill to me, let’s do this.

Kyle (as Tabitha): You remember in the- in- when we were sparring?

Ali (as Yashee): Yeah?

Kyle (as Tabitha): Remember how I got weird?

Ali (as Yashee): It got a little weird.

Kyle (as Tabitha): That’s uh, that’s somebody helping me and um, apparently, they let me know that they got to chat with you and your friends.

Ali (as Yashee): [Surprised] Oooh! That dude’s helping you?

Kyle (as Tabitha): I mean he’s- yeah.

Ali (as Yashee): He’s really creepy.

Kyle (as Tabitha): Yeah, he is a little bit but uh, I was just- I was just concerned. I wanted to, you know, make sure you were okay after hearing.

Ali (as Yashee): Oh yeah, I mean he let us out of the void and then we had some fun!

Kyle (as Tabitha): Oh!

Ali (as Yashee): We had like a little race.

Kyle (as Tabitha): [Sighs in relief] Okay..okay.

Kyle: And she sounds really- she's like-

Kyle (as Tabitha): I’ll be interested to hear that story, I just wanted to make sure you were alright.

Ali (as Yashee): I’ll tell you all about it when we get back. It has been-

Kyle (as Tabitha): I mean-

Ali (as Yashee): Pretty fun.

Kyle (as Tabitha): I think you three-

Ali (as Yashee): I mean, the last day has been rough but before that it was like, great.

Kyle (as Tabitha): Yeah? Well, that’s good! I'm glad to hear that! I just think you three might be the only ones who have seen that. I-

Goodrich: I say-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Yelling] Keep it down in there, Yashee! We’re trying to sleep!

Ali (as Yashee): Sorry!

[Players laughing]

Kyle (as Tabitha): I know it’s late, I just wanted to make sure that you were okay and, you know..

Ali (as Yashee): Well I- thanks for checking in on me, it’s really nice of you!

Kyle (as Tabitha): That’s no problem, you know, um, deserts pretty nice? S’dry?

Ali (as Yashee): No, it’s the desert.

[All laughing]

Goodrich: That’s terrible!

Kyle (as Tabitha): Um, okay well, some people find beauty in it, I dunno.

[All chuckling]

Kyle (as Tabitha): I’ve never been myself but- okay, okay, I'm sorry- I just- I had to double check. I’ll let you go, I know it’s late, Yashee.

Ali (as Yashee): It’s alright- hey, we’ll grab breakfast or something when I'm back, you know?

Kyle (as Tabitha): I’d enjoy that.

Ali (as Yashee): Give you the break down.

Kyle (as Tabitha): Yeah, hopefully I'm around and we’re not out on assignment when you get back.

Ali (as Yashee): Okay! Well, night Tabitha.

Kyle (as Tabitha): Night, Yashee.

Ali (as Yashee): (Mumbles)

Kyle: Alright, and now we can all go to sleep!

[Lullaby plays, boys singing something, unsure]

Ali: Oh no, we’re gonna have weird dreams again.

Kyle: Yup!

Ali: Thanks, man.

Goodrich: Is it a dreamless sleep, kyle? For the love of-

Ali: Modulus-

[All laughs]

Kyle: Modulus, for the love of Modulus [laughs] Alright so, you get an uneasy night of sleep but still you’re rested, it’s a long rest. But, you’re woken in the morning by Symbol and he slaps the outside of your tents and says-

Kyle (as Symbol): Come on, Jermaine went missing overnight and John wants everyone up so-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Groans]

Kyle (as Symbol): Let’s get going.

Kyle: And you wake up and you still have that uneasy feeling where it’s like, somebody’s watching you.

Ali: Like, we feel like that in the tent?

Kyle: Yeah-

Goodrich: [Gasps in surprise] great, no the suspense is terrible. I hope it’ll last.

[All laugh]

Goodrich: Just kidding, Kyle!

Kyle: I dunno, we’ll see what happens.

Goodrich: Yeah.

Kyle: So, you three leave your tents?

Spurrier: Yeah.

Kyle: Yeah?

Ali: Greet the morning.

Spurrier: Greet the morning.

Goodrich: I might go to the bathroom real quick I guess but-

Ali: We don’t talk about that.

[All laugh]

Goodrich: I don’t go in the tent!

Spurrier: I was about to say-

Goodrich: I go outside- nevermind!

Kyle: Find the sand.

Ali: Right in the corner. [Imitating Raz’ul] Don’t mind me.

Kyle: Paw your feet over your mess, your waste to hide your disgrace.

Goodrich: Yeah- I go out as a cat and I go in the sand.

[All laugh]

Kyle: Well I mean, you have to roll for that if you wanna do it.

Goodrich: [Disappointed] Oh.

Spurrier: Do you have cat on your-

Goodrich: Yeah, I do actually!

Ali: Oh.

Goodrich: [Laughing] I’m not gonna roll for it though!

[All laughing]

Kyle: I’m not gonna waste my one of two.

Goodrich: Yeah, so I get out of the tent, yeah.

Kyle: Okay, so you head outside and you notice that everyone is gathered at the ridge of the crater. You walk up the ridge and you get to the top, and you can see that John and Jaffney are facing the rest of the group from the bottom and John looks just absolutely livid. He’s kind of almost fuming in a way, and he says-

Kyle (as John): [Annoyed] Okay, we’re all here so of course as with most of this assignment.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Jermaine’s- I don’t see Jermaine anywhere.

Kyle (as John): Yes, that’s one reason-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh.

Kyle (as John): That this assignment keeps proving its difficulties for me-

Kyle: And uh-

Goodrich: I put my hand back down.

Kyle (as John): [Harshly] Thank you.

[Players chuckle]

Kyle (as John): [Annoyed] Jermaine has decided to go ahead and do some spelunking without us. For what reason, I do not know. This is before we know if we even have permission to descend into this godsforsaken hole. Jaffney, if you do not mind, please just do the test.

Kyle: And at this point, Jaffney kind of just like, nods and walks over to the hole and begins to make hand gestures and produces a large yarn ball. The ball is really fuzzy and it seems to quiver as she holds it in her hands. She leans in and whispers to it really quietly, and it makes a small cooing sound then jumps out of her hand and begins to unravel and roll down the hole out of sight.

Goodrich: Man, it’s a good thing I didn’t transform into a cat or I'd-

[All laughing loudly]

Kyle: [Chuckling] Yes, um, so at this point Jaffney says-

Kyle (as Jaffney): Well, John this is gonna take a moment.

Kyle: And he nods and you notice Symbol starts going around and talking to Layla and Connor and talking to a few over the other people. Tries to talk to John for a moment- it looks like he’s interviewing them as Luey Hewis. So-

Goodrich: I wanna call out to him and say-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Luey, Luey! Uh, come over here, we wanna give you a bardic take on things!

Kyle: Okay, he comes over and he’s like-

Kyle (as Symbol): [With a New York accent] Yeah so uh, what is going on? Is there anything in your investigation that you found so far?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Is this going in like, a real paper, Splash?

Goodrich: I whisper to him.

Kyle (as Symbol): [Whispering, with Symbol’s voice] I have to do this for the real Luey, otherwise he might lose his job.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So, you’ll like, publish stuff that we say to you?

Kyle (as Symbol): Yes.

[Ali chuckles]

Goodrich: Oh, guys..

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Are we on record?

Kyle (as Symbol): [ New York accent] Yeah, you’re on the record! What’dya got to say?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay! We’re Chaos Sauce, uh, if you have parties, if you have events and stuff, we’re available! We are a trio, we play music, uh it’s real good!

Kyle (as Symbol): That’s not relevant to anything going on here!

Ali (as Yashee): Our teacher’s uh, Symbol but he likes to go by Splash, that’s his name now.

[Players laughing]

Kyle (as Symbol): I don’t think that’s right at all!

Ali (as Yashee): And that’s a direct quote, you can quote me on that!

Kyle (as Symbol): Alright, direct quote.

Kyle: And he’s mimicking writing in his page obviously.

Kyle (as Symbol): Yes, this is all good stuff. Have you found anything in your investigation of the area?

Spurrier: And I whisper to you-

Spurrier (as Randy): [Whispering] Really quick, when you said investigate just like- above the ground? On the ground? Down in the ground? Like what do you-

Kyle (as Symbol): [In Symbol’s voice] Just, not down the hole, just in the area.

Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, okay!

Kyle (as Symbol): Yeah, I wouldn’t go down in that hole, it’ll really piss off john.

Spurrier (as Randy): Well here, just to put us back on track- Uh, yes! This is Randy Greentrees-

[Players laugh)

Spurrier (as Randy): That’s G-R-E-E-N-T-R-E-E-S-

Ali: You don’t know how to spell that!

[All laugh]

Kyle: That’s true!

Spurrier (as Randy): That’s pronounce- greeeeen treeess-

Kyle (as Symbol): [New York accent] Yes, like green trees.

Spurrier (as Randy): That’s correct, yes, thank you. I wanted to second the motion by Yashee. He does go by Splash now, we do need that in two sets of prints; make it official, the judicators will need to see that.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): And I third it-

Spurrier (as Randy): Ah, a third! Thank you, and the motion is passed, meeting adjourned. It has been nice chatting with you-

Ali: I knock a mallet a rock.

[Players laugh]

Ali: We’re done here.

Spurrier (as Randy): Have a lovely day, lovely chatting with you.

Ali (as Yashee): Were we gonna talk to him about the book and what we-

Spurrier (as Randy): Oh right-

Ali (as Yashee): Discovered?

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, also, do you know any clerics?

Kyle (as Symbol): [With Symbol’s voice] I mean, there’s Dogum back in town but-

Spurrier (as Randy): Any other clerics?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No clerics, clerics for-

Spurrier (as Randy): Are these people clerics for Modular- Modulus?

Kyle (as Symbol): Modulus, yeah.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Know any clerics for Modulus?

Kyle (as Symbol): I’d have to look through my contacts but I can’t I-

Spurrier (as Randy): Apparently, it’s a cleric rune and that’s what’s causing all the problems, that’s where the crack is.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): And Randy’s all out of his lotion so we need to get that prescription filled.

[Spurrier laughs]

Kyle (as Symbol): Okay well, the faster we get through here the quicker we might be able to take care of that.

[Players agreeing]

Kyle (as Symbol): We’re in the middle of nowhere right now.

Spurrier (as Randy): Let’s go investigate.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay.

Kyle (as Symbol): Alright.

Kyle: Roll me a group investigation!

Spurrier: [Makes a fan-fare noise]

Goodrich: Is Splash rolling too?

Kyle: Nope, he is going back to interview the stuff- [Softly] and his names Symbol.

Ali: I got a five.

Kyle: Five?

Spurrier: Eighteen plus one.

Kyle: Cool.

Goodrich: Seventeen plus one.

Kyle: Alright, Yashee you’re kind of going around the area and kind of just checking out the ridge and whatnot. Uh, so you find sand.

[Players laugh]

Goodrich: Way to go, Yashee.

Ali: Cool! Well, I'll go head and sit down and I dunno, maybe see if I can build a little sand castle or something.

[All laugh]

Kyle: [Amused] Okay-

Goodrich: Yes, you’re doing that.

Kyle: Uh, Randy, Raz’ul? You two begin investigating the area around the hole and you notice that there is a obvious path where somebody slid down into the hole. And you can only surmise that this is what Jermaine did.

Spurrier: Ah.

Kyle: You notice there’s a grain or a corkscrewing kind of uh-

Spurrier: Pattern?

Kyle: Pattern, yeah.

Spurrier: Yeah.

Kyle: Pattern inside this tunnel.

Spurrier: Ooh.

Kyle: And it goes all the way around it, and-

Goodrich: Looks like a sick water slide.

Kyle: Yeah, in a way! In fact, it looks liquidy in a way too-

Goodrich: Ooh!

Kyle: It looks like there’s a viscus slime that coats the walls.

Spurrier: Just on that pattern as it goes down?

Kyle: Yeah.

Spurrier: Okay.

Kyle: So- there's nothing dripping, it’s just there and kind of glistens in the sun a little bit. Looks really odd. And at this point, you can just turn back and Jaffney’s been holding onto the tail end of this yarn ball that went down there. And, it actually starts circling back up- you can see it coming back up the tunnel and it hops into her hand, and she puts her ear to it real close and she says-

Kyle (as Jaffney): Ah it’s not- not good, John. We don’t have clearance; this is different jurisdiction.

Kyle: John starts fuming and he’s holding a parchment and looks it over, and he throws it onto the ground and stomps it and he’s just like-

Kyle (as John): [Sighs, angry] Fine, pack it up! Pack it up, we’re getting out of here then!

Kyle: At this point Erin walks over and goes-

Kyle (as Erin): Yeah John uh, you can go ahead and pack up. Me and mine- we're going down there. We're here to get down to business and um, you three bards? You’re with us, right?

[Players eagerly agree]

Kyle (as Erin): We’re going down there- if you- if you and your bureaucratic restrictions can’t seem to find your way down there that’s your problem. You can go ahead and get.

Kyle: And John replies.

Kyle (as John): Oh- oh okay, you think it’s so easy?

Kyle: And she’s like-

Kyle (as Erin): Yeah, I’ve been underground a lot more than you probably have in your life and uh, I feel comfortable getting on down there.

Kyle: John says-

Kyle (as John): Well, what are you gonna do without our equipment? If we take everything back how are you gonna get down there? [Scoffs] Yeah, you have bards, but what- are they gonna be able to like, play their way to the bottom of the hole? They gonna play a song to get down there?

Kyle: And Erin looks at you three and she goes-

Kyle (as Erin): Can you?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yashee knows feather fall.

Ali (as Yashee): We might need a little more power than that-

Goodrich: So anyways-

Ali (as Yashee): To carry all of us-

Goodrich: Here’s feather fall.

Ali: I’ll just play feather fall.

Kyle (as Erin): I mean-

Ali: I count everybody-

Ali (as Yashee): I can’t get everyone down there guys-

Kyle: Okay well, feather falls not an option. You can’t get enough-

Ali (as Yashee): But maybe if we work together-

Goodrich: (as Raz’lul): Maybe if we-

Ali (as Yashee): It could be like a super feather fall.

Goodrich: [Chuckles] Oh god, mother of all feather falls.

Spurrier: Let’s do it.

Goodrich: I’m down.

[Players laugh]

Kyle (as Erin): Oh crap, this gonna be great! Ya’ll ready for this? John, you go ahead and pack on up I'm ready to see a show happen!

Kyle: And uh, let’s go ahead-

Goodrich: Yay!

Kyle: And roll some chord dice.

Goodrich: Hurray!

[Electronic music plays]

Kyle: Alright, before we roll chord dice, minor or major?

Spurrier: Um..

Ali: Gosh..

Spurrier: I mean, it’s a creepy place but we’re trying to give them a positive experience getting down the hole.

Ali: Yeah, we want us to get down there safely.

Spurrier: Yeah, seems like major would be-

Goodrich: And Ring of Fire is in major, you know? It’s all about going down, down, down slowly though.

[Players agree, laughter]

Spurrier: That’s a good justification as any.

Ali: Major.

Spurrier: Major it is!

Kyle: Alright.

Goodrich: Let’s do it!

[Multiple dice rolling]

Kyle: I always get the wild.

Goodrich: You do, Kyle. Here you go.

Kyle: [Unintelligible, rolls dice]

Goodrich: So, we’ve got E-minor, D-minor, A-minor and G, so-

Ali: And then our C, right?

[All agreeing]

Goodrich: Plenty to work with there.

Kyle: What’s uh- what's going on with them drums, Ali?

Ali: Let’s find out!

Goodrich: Drum roll!

Ali: Let’s do this. [Coin hits a surface] Okay, second bank- [rolls dice] Okay twenty-two, I can- I can do that. So, rock twenty-nine.

Goodrich: Alright!

Ali: [Rolls dice] And the kit is-

Kyle: [Surprised] You rolled a twenty-nine!?

Ali: What? [chuckles] and I rolled a twenty-nine again, uh, oh, it’s hip-hop three. We just-

Kyle: More hip-hop.

Spurrier: More hip-hop, rock and roll-

Ali: I don’t think this is the same one either, I think I had hip-hop two in the last one.

Spurrier: Yeah, or something like that.

Kyle: Yeah.

Goodrich: So, rock and hop!

Ali: We’ll see!

Kyle: Cool, alright get to it.

[Music transitions]

Kyle: Heey there, hi there, ho there! It’s your dungeon maestro Kyle, just want to thank you again for tuning in and hanging out with us, we’re always pleased to have you sitting around the campfire listenin’ to BomBARDed. If you wanna keep up with us search your social medias for @Bombardedcast and if you want to share our adventure you can use the hashtag #bardcast to do so.

If you want to e-mail us with any questions, concerns or anything like that or just to say hi, you can do that at Bombardedcast@gmail.com. So, other than e-mailing us if you just want to listen to the tunes that we’ve cranked out through the first ten episodes you can go to www.bombarded.bandcamp.com and download that at your whimsy. And soon enough- I'm gonna tell you, you’re gonna be able to download that OST, it’s coming out, April 24th it’ll be there for you. We're almost done with it. It’s coming, I promise! But you can find all of that at www.bombarded.bandcamp.com.

And if you want to check out the band behind BomBARDed you can go to www.lindbymusic.com or www.lindby.bandcamp.com. Remember, Lindby is spelled L-I-N-D-B-Y.

I don’t have much else for you but I do have a sponsor this week and that’s going to be with Legion of Renob. So, what’ I'm gonna do here is uh- lemme grab Ali’s drum machine here real quick and grab some dice and a coin here, do this the way Ali does- [coin hits surface] and I got tales, B, lemme rolls these dice. [Rolls dice] Got number thirty-two which is rock thirty-eight, and for the kit- [rolls dice] that’s fifty-two which is reggaetón o-two. Uh, [chuckles] let’s hear what this sounds like real quick.

[Fast upbeat drum begins to play]

This isn’t so bad, I think I can do this.

Kyle (Rapping): Looking for comedy, and don’t know where to stop? I know a fresh show, called the Legion of Renob. It’s dark, and it’s gritty and it’s filthy as hell. No one in the mid-west does pseudo D and D so well. With Clark, Andrew, Wilson, Chris and Bobby- it's more than a game, it’s not just a hobby. So, hop right on board, just get in on this mess. We’ve got days of good content and dozens of guests. If you want humor, that’s more than the bomb, find us right here at Legion of Renob dot com.

[Music stops]

Kyle: Thanks for that one Legion of Renob, again that’s www.legionofrenob.com, Legion of Renob, R-E-N-O-B. Alright, let’s get back to the show and hear what those bards have come up with! [Imitates music transition] That’s how it goes? Huh?

[Music transitions]

Ali (as Yashee): Well- well maybe we will play our way to the bottom! Guy’s follow my lead!

[Fast upbeat drum begins, piano and guitar soon follow]

All (singing): So, we need to get down to the bottom of the hole,
We can do the S.S. Chaos sauce
Do a magical dance then you’re in control,
When we do the S.S. Chaos


Flap your wings like a bird in flight
Then turn around to the left to the right
Now Clap your hands up above your head
And keep it up or we’ll be dead.


We got all this stuff lying round the camp.
We can make the S.S. Chaos Sauce
It’ll make a floor where we can dance and vamp,
Set sail on the S.S. Chaos Sauce


Flap your wings like a bird in flight
Then turn around to the left to the right
Now clap your hands up above your head
And keep it up or we’ll be dead


Set sail on the S.S. Chaos Sauce

[Music ends]

[Music continues softly in the background throughout]

Kyle: Okay, so you grab your instruments and begin playing with the intent to craft a way to get down this hole and your instruments just beam with magic as soon as you start performing. You give your instructions through your song of how people are supposed to dance by flapping their wings, turning left, turning right. The only people that are dancing with you are the mining trio. They take a second to buy in but then they’re like-

Goodrich: Yeah-

Kyle: Okay, yeah we can buy into this.

Goodrich: Once the groove hits they’re like, “Okay!”

Kyle: Yeah-

Goodrich: Okay!

Kyle: You can see Erin kind of like, you know, nudging the other two on like-

Kyle (as Erin): [Mumble] Listen- you know, come on.

Goodrich: I imagine Symbol just throws right up on his shoes cause this is probably his worst nightmare realized.

[All laugh]

Goodrich: [Laughing] As a professional musician he’s like- [makes a retching sound]

Kyle: Nah, he’s- he’s looking and he kind of looks like, a little bemused? You know?

Goodrich: Yeah.

Kyle: Yeah he’s just like-

[Kyle and Goodrich hum in uncertainty]

Kyle: See what happens here. But uh, as you’re playing- they're dancing, they’re flapping their wings. They're turning left, they’re turning right! They’re clapping their hands! And you know, they’re making sure no ones dead, but as this is going on materials from the campsite start floating over the edge of the crater and begin coming in. Metal poles that were holding up the tents, different pieces of material from the tables, chairs, the actual tent itself-

Goodrich: Like sort of Misone style with-

Kyle: Yes-

Goodrich: When all the pots and pans start floating around-

Kyle: Yeah! Or you could imagine it more like Beetlejuice when everything starts dancing around!

Goodrich: Totally! Yeah.

Kyle: Yeah, I'm on the line.

Goodrich: Yup, yup, yup.

Kyle: So, you’re rocking your body in time and um-

[Players laugh]

Kyle: All these things start to form together and coalesce and make like, a dance floor and it’s making little pops in different areas that’s catching the light, and it’s kind of simulating a little bit of dance light show.

Spurrier: Yes!

Kyle: The three miners dance their way over to it and test it out.

Goodrich: They dip their toe in?

Kyle: Just a little bit.

Goodrich: Yeah.

Kyle: And its floating right near the edge of the hole and the step on it, and they’re able to continue dancing on it.

Spurrier: Yees!

Kyle: And it’s going, and John looks at you three and he says-

Kyle (as John): [Aggressively] Fine! Fine, if you six wanna go down there, the rest can’t! They're official bureau members and this..reporter, he doesn’t have clearance. So, if you wanna go kill yourselves go right ahead! That’s fine!

Goodrich: [Sadly] No Luey?

Ali: Yeah uh-

Ali (as Yashee): Hey Luey! Hey, c’mere real quick!

Kyle: And Luey looks at you three and is like-

Kyle (as Symbol): [New York accent] I’m sorry I uh, I have to listen to the man who’s giving me clearance to be out here otherwise I could lose my press pass.

Ali: Then at this point we’re on a floating, dancing floor? Right? So, I reach my hand out and I'm like-

Ali (as Yashee): Do you trust me?

[All chuckle]

Kyle (as Symbol): [New York accent] Yashee, from what Symbol has told me about you, yes I trust you. But I gotta keep my job. I do trust you however to get the scoop.

Kyle: And he winks.

Ali (as Yashee): Oh, okay.

Ali: [Softly] I wink back.

Spurrier: Alright, well it’s vamping- Randy keeps vamping with one hand and pulls out his Joby, smashes it against the side and yells-

Spurrier (as Randy): I christen this The S.S. Chaos Sauce!

[All laugh]

Goodrich: And off we go!

Spurrier: On its maiden voyage!

Kyle: Alright and with that you begin to descend into the hole. What lies ahead of you? You're not sure. But it gets darker, and darker and those with dark vision, you can see the slide path that Jermaine left behind is going all the way down. What’s down there? I think we’ll have to find out next time.

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Transcripts by: Gabi Cardone@peachdoodles – Twitter