Ep. 14 – Bardception

Kyle: I heard they’re making a new sea-based Zelda- kind of like Wind Waker -

Goodrich: Yeah?

Kyle: Instead of getting a raft this time you get a- [yelling like Link] “YACHT.”

[All laugh]

[Theme song plays]

Kyle: Hey everyone, welcome back to BomBARDed! Let’s recap last episode real quick. So, we started off with the bards experimenting a little bit with Randy’s back. Didn't find out much from it but there’s still a lot time ahead of us, we’ll see what happens there.

Goodrich: Still don’t know if it’s freakin’ Eddie.

[Players softly agreeing]

Kyle: Eh, not sure yet.

Goodrich: Ya know, maybe you just have like, worms or something?

[All laugh]

Spurrier: Just some fancy worms!

Goodrich: Well, but- you do walk around barefoot, and you can get hook worms-

Ali: Randy is not the cleanest boy.

Spurrier: Yeah, that’s true.

Goodrich: I dunno, maybe we need to give you like little treats wrapped in slices of lunch meat.

[All chuckling]

Kyle: You just gotta watch for him rubbing his butt on the carpet.

[All laugh]

Kyle: So, but after that you decided to get some sleep and during which you each had your own interesting little dreams. Then you woke up in the morning and you got a little bit of breakfast from Dewey-

Spurrier: Didn’t have to sing for it.

Kyle: Didn’t have to sing for it, nope.

Spurrier: [Softly] Thanks, Kyle.

Kyle: Maybe someday again. But during that there was you know, a town crier that came by, alerted everyone to a town meeting. Pretty much everyone went to that except for you three, who decided to eat your breakfast, which caused you to come in half way through a speech given by Tony Dantell.

Goodrich: No regrets.

Kyle: Which was the man leaving the- yeah, absolutely.

Ali: Most important meal-

Goodrich: Seriously, Kyle-

Kyle: That’s how you gotta start off, that’s right, I don’t blame you. Tony gives a speech and you know, tells them about how the town has lost its oasis and how pretty much everyone’s gonna have to move and man, this really sucks. But after that everyone dispersed and you three noticed Symbol who was hanging out in his Luey Hewis outfit, he waved you over to the group and you met the people that are gonna be part of this expedition. So, after getting a little acquainted with everyone, you actually found out you needed to go and find Erin Copeland. And from talking to a couple of the other townsfolks, specifically Boom Queen and Whimpy, you found out that Erin Copeland is Big Shot. So, you hunted down Big Shot, you wound up going back to her place, she was gonna make you some drinks and in that moment, you found out a little about her, her backstory, why she is the way she is. And you were able to coerce her through your song to actually want help the town and join this expedition.

Goodrich: Hopefully we did more than coerce, [chuckling] hopefully she really feels changed-

Kyle: Yeah, no, no- I mean- yeah, coerced was a wrong word, so you were able to convince her that her abilities were a benefit to the town's future.

Goodrich: Perfect!

Kyle: There we go! So, after that she let you know like, hey I actually looked into this last night and found possibly the reason for this could be relevant to the meteor coming in. So pretty much, you guys agreed to help her out and then she was like, well before we go we’re gonna help one more person in the town. So, we’re gonna pick up there. You're pretty much heading out from Erin’s house to go do this.

Goodrich: Sweeet, let’s boogie!

Kyle: Alright, so ya’ll leave Erin’s house and you’re making your way through the streets of Basom. Along the way, people are giving you kind of really like, different looks. Some of them are surprised, some of them are a little confused. Definitely some mean side-eye coming your way. But you eventually reach a line of smaller houses and walking down the road you see a young woman walking in your direction, and it’s the woman that had crutches from the tavern last night-

Goodrich: Oh!

Kyle: Erin looks at you three and she says-

Kyle (as Erin): Um, gimmie- gimmie just one second.

Kyle: So, she takes a short aside with this girl and returns to you three shaking her head and she’s like-

Kyle (as Erin): Alright, let’s get going. Terrible thing that happened to that girl.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Wha- what happened to her?

Kyle (as Erin): That’s actually Tony’s daughter, um-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Surprised] The one they’re looking for!?

Kyle (as Erin): No, no-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): We found her!

[Players laugh and cheer]

Kyle (as Erin): I wish it would be so easy. No uh, Jenny is the one that’s missing, that’s Mary.

Goodrich: [Disappointed] Oh.

Kyle (as Erin): Mary used to be the best dancer in our town, she was really gonna go some places but uh, I don’t- I don’t think that’s really an option since the night the meteor landed.

Goodrich: Can we- can we see like, how bad off her leg is? Like, is she missing her leg is-

Kyle: Yeah, she’s missing a leg-

Goodrich: [Concerned] Oooh..

Kyle: She’s walking on crutches-

Goodrich: Okay-

Kyle: Still looks like, freshly bandaged but you know it’s-

Ali (as Yashee): [Concerned] Did it land on her?

Kyle (as Erin): Well she was- she was out there with some other children, which we’re actually going to see the Pell brothers right now so- I've only heard they were out there together, you know, some of the kids like to sneak out to the Glow Fields at night, you know, get into a little bit of trouble [chuckles] you know how it is when you’re younger. It's been awhile for me but-

Goodrich: I make a mental note.

[All laugh]

Goodrich: [Laughing] To remind you guys later!

Ali: [Laughing] To go bother more children!

Goodrich: [Laughing] No, no, no! Cause I want to have fun! I hate you guys!

[Laughter continues]

Goodrich: Screw you guys!

Kyle: [Imitating Cartmen from South Park] Screw you guys, I’m going home!

Goodrich: ‘Cause I want. To go have fun. At the Glow Fields! I’m done performing for kids!

[Kyle laughs]

Goodrich: That’s it!

Kyle (as Erin): Oh, well that’s upsetting to hear Raz’ul, that’s kind of what we’re going to do-

[Goodrich laughs]

Kyle (as Erin): Well, the Pell brothers have been having some trouble sleeping since that night and-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Wait like, are they having bad dreams?

Kyle (as Erin): I don’t know.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh.

Kyle (as Erin): I just know they’re not- they're not sleeping well so, we’re actually headed that way so, let’s go head- it's just a couple of doors down- maybe three doors down-

Goodrich: [Laughing] Three doors down!

[Players laugh]

Kyle: But she’s like-

Kyle (as Erin): We’ll find out more, just follow me, let’s see if we can’t get them helped out.

Kyle: So, she walks up to the door of one of these houses and opens it up and you’re standing to the side, and she’s running in to somebody and she has to side-step them a little bit, and out walks a very tired looking Fingerbones.

Goodrich: [Excited] Fingerbones!

[Players happily greeting Fibblewix]

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): How’s it going buddy?

Kyle (as Fibblewix): [Tiredly] Hey guys, it’s been a long night, how uh, how-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Were you up all night practicing like we said?

Kyle (as Fibblewix): Well you know, I went home and I was showing my mom everything that you three taught me and everything and, she thought maybe I could to a service to some of the kids, maybe I could help them with their sleeping problem. So, she sent me over here last night after, you know, me singing your praises.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Do you know any lullabies?

Kyle (as Fibblewix): Well..

Kyle: And he kind of holds up his fingers and he’s holding up his lute, and you can see that there’s a string broken on it, and Raz’ul you recognize that his fingers are bruised and bloodied from too much playing.

Goodrich: [Realization] Uh oh!

Spurrier: The bones are sticking out.

[Players groan in slight disgusted]

Spurrier: Thus, the namesake.

Kyle: Yeah, kind of holds up his hands, he’s like-

Kyle (as Fibblewix): I- I tried everything that I could and I just- nothing really seemed to help or land. But, I mean, you three might actually be able to do something, I just..

Goodrich: There really aren’t bones sticking out of his fingers, right? It's just-

Kyle: No!

[All laugh]

Kyle: [Seriously] There could be.

Spurrier: No, no.

Kyle: He could have really played his fingers to the bone.

Goodrich: I was gonna say, you never- this is a fantasy world that-

Kyle: Oh yeah, I mean.. If you’re undead it’d be easy-

Goodrich: Right-

Kyle: At a certain point. But yeah, but he just says-

Kyle (as Fibblewix): Well I really think you could- I'm- I'm gonna go get some sleep.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright-

Kyle: (as Fibblewix): You know?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, yeah-

Kyle (as Fibblewix): I would love to jam with you three again but my finger bones..they- they’re done.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right, well uh, hey you know what? That's okay, good on you practicing though that’s key to getting better at your craft, okay?

Kyle: He tiredly smiles at you and he’s just like-

Kyle (as Fibblewix): I appreciate that, Raz’ul.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, but go get some sleep, for real. You look terrible.

[Players chuckle]

Kyle (as Fibblewix): T..thanks? Alright, well best of luck to you!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright, where are these kids? Where-

Kyle (as Fibblewix): Mind the screams.

Goodrich: What?

Kyle: And he walks off.

Spurrier (as Randy): Bye, Fingerbones!

Kyle: Erin like, sticks her head out of the door, she’s like-

Kyle (as Erin): Hey! Come on in here.

Goodrich: Uh..

Ali (as Yashee): Let’s go.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay.

Kyle: Alright so, you walk in and you see a tired man slouched over a desk. He appears to be asleep and Erin goes to like, put her hand on his shoulder and right before she does you hear the screams of two people come from the door to your left, and the man bolts up from his chair and runs into the room yelling-

Kyle (as Father): [Yelling] I’m here, boys, I'm here!

Kyle: What do you do?

Goodrich: Okay, we need a young priest and an old priest.

[All laugh]

Goodrich: Is what I say to you!

Spurrier: Well I could just sneak on over there and poke my head in there real quick.

Kyle: Yeah, if you wanna do that.

Spurrier: I don’t wanna bother them, so-

Ali: Did Erin go in there to see what’s going on or is she-

Kyle: No, Erin is standing there looking kind of confused and just-

Spurrier: Okay, well I'm just gonna head on over there really quick.

Kyle: Okay, gimmie that stealth.

Spurrier: [Rolls dice] That is a nineteen plus nine.

Kyle: Okay [chuckles] you sneak on over there-

Goodrich: You like bamf in there like Nightcrawler!

[Players laugh]

Spurrier: I’m like crawling on the ceiling and such.

[Laughter continues]

Goodrich: Let’s keep with that Exorcist theme! You’re crawling on the ceiling and your head cranes all the way around!

Spurrier: [Imitates a creaking sound]

Goodrich: [Does the same]

Kyle: That’s Eddie really working it out.

[Players agree]

Kyle: But you enter the room, you stick your head in there and you see twin teens lying on like a shared bed and their father is just comforting them. Like-

Kyle (as Father): I’m here, I'm here.

Kyle: You know? And he kind of looks up and around, and then looks back down.

Spurrier; Okay, well I crawl back down the wall to you guys and uh-

[Soft chuckling]

Spurrier (as Randy): I think we can probably head in there if we uh, are ginger about it.

Goodrich: No pun intended.

Spurrier: Yeah-

[All laugh]

Goodrich: [Laughing] Ginger boy.

Spurrier (as Randy): So yeah let’s uh, ease our way in there-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Erin you wanna come with-

Spurrier (as Randy): Take it slow-

Kyle (as Erin): Yeah, yeah I'll follow behind ya’ll, see what you do.

Kyle: You follow in and you see what I just explained to Randy, and the father looks up and he finally sees somebody standing there and he says-

Kyle (as Father): Uh, where did Fibblewix go?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Look doc, he needs some rest. He said he was up all night trying to fix what ever going on in here, wasn’t getting nowhere so.

Spurrier (as Randy): He’s worked himself to the finger bones.

Goodrich: [Laughing] Fingerbones, yeah.

Kyle: And he kind of just rubs his head and then Erin chimes in and she says-

Kyle (as Erin): Duke, these are bards from Strumlotts. I think they can play a song or do something to help with your boys sleeping, right?

Kyle: And she nudges Randy.

Kyle (as Erin): Right? Ya’ll can help right?

Spurrier (as Randy): [Suddenly] Yeah, yeah! We would be happy to.

Kyle: After you say that you hear one of the boys-

Kyle (as Boy): It’s not- it's not the sleeping, it’s the nightmares.

Kyle: And the dad says-

Kyle (as Duke): Hoo, just calm down, it’ll be alright.

Goodrich: Hoo?

Kyle (as Duke): That’s his middle name, his first name is Mott but he likes to go by Hoo.

Spurrier: They’re the Pell brothers.

[All chuckle]

Goodrich: Okay, I say-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey Hoo, um, you having nightmares?

Kyle (as Hoo): Well, both me and my brother Trip are both having nightmares and it all kind of started the night that meteor came down.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah? Uh, well where were you when the meteor hit? What were you doing?

Kyle (as Hoo): We were out in the Glow Field, where we were.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): ‘Kaay-

Kyle (as Hoo): We were out there with the Dantell sisters. Kinda snuck out, took some sandatees and made our way over there- you know, fun little night time thing. But we saw the meteor coming in and we didn’t think anything of it but, you know-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You didn’t think anything of a giant flaming ball crashing to earth!?

Kyle (as Hoo): Well, at first it wasn’t heading towards us and then it like-

Goodrich: Oooh..

Kyle (as Hoo): It’s like somebody whacked it and it just curved heading right in our direction.

Goodrich: Hmm..

Kyle (as Hoo): And you know, we didn’t have time to react and Jenny's been gone, Mary lost her leg and fortunately me and my brother are alive but these nightmares have been goin’ on every night I- you're here for the nightmares I'm sorry.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, I gotta tell ya, I had quite a nacht-mare myself the other night. Did you guys- I figure it was just a scary goofy dream but-

Kyle (as Hoo): Did you see the crazy meatballs?

Ali: [Gasps]

Goodrich: Oh..

Ali (as Yashee): [Softly] What?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No..

Kyle (as Hoo): Did you see Jenny?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Jenny? Uhhh..

Kyle (as Hoo): Yeah, the missing Dantell girl.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Crazy meatballs, let’s circle back to that. What are crazy meatballs?

Kyle (as Hoo): Oh, well, every time the way it starts off is- Jenny is standing there, we’re out in the Glow Fields still, and Jenny’s standing there and she’s just like, “Hey come on! Come on!” We follow her and all the sudden she turns and starts walking and then she like, falls apart, like her body turns into a bunch of little like, pink mounds of ground meat and-

Ali (as Yashee): Is this where the meatballs come in?

Kyle (as Hoo): Yeah, these meat balls- the meatballs come in here-

Ali (as Yashee): Okay-

Kyle (as Hoo): And then they fall apart and then they start coming at us. Next thing you know they overcome us and start dragging us towards the edge of this cliff that isn’t out there! We get over to the cliff and we’re just hanging on, the only thing underneath us is this giant circular maw.

Kyle: Which if you need a vision imagine the Sarlacc Pit.

Goodrich: Okay.

Kyle (as Hoo): But there’s this giant circular maw and we start screaming and we typically wake up right before we fall in.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh yeah, my- I didn’t see any meatballs, didn’t see Jenny I don’t think. My was like, I was back at Mt. Tain, and I saw an old dwarf I know and it’s kind of spooky and it woke me up and I felt really sa-ad but-

Kyle: Mkay-

Goodrich: I turn to Yashee and Randy-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): We kind of talked about it, you had some bad dreams too right?

Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, mine was pretty weird.

Spurrier (as Randy): I-

Ali (as Yashee): Nothing like that though. No meatballs, I wish I had dreams about meatballs.

[All laugh]

Kyle (as Hoo): Did you see each other in your dreams? Cause me and my brother, we’re sharing a dream right now.

Goodrich: (as Raz’ul): Whoa!

Kyle (as Hoo): I mean- and I’m not being metaphorical and like hope or anything-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right- [chuckles]

Kyle (as Hoo): Like, we’re literally sharing this nightmare.

Goodrich: Are we in it? Wait, are we in his dream? Wait- hang on-

Kyle: Are you dreaming right now!?

Spurrier: And I smack you!

Goodrich: Oh god!

[All laugh]

Spurrier (as Randy): Are you dreaming!?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, thank you.

Ali (as Yashee): Get it together down there, bud.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay, I mean I didn’t see you guys in my dream.

[Players agree]

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, I was gonna say, seems a little more personal.

Ali (as Yashee): Have you guys been down to the Glow Field since the meteor day?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, what do you guys do there? Like, what is this Glow Field?

Kyle (as Hoo): It’s this field of stones and during the day they’re almost like onyx, I think that’s the right rock, I don’t know. You might know better than me, but yeah no, we just go out to the Glow Fields cause it's kind of cool. I mean, at night those black rocks turn into this kind of nice blue emanating light.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ooh, cool!

Goodrich: I make another mental note.

Kyle (as Hoo): Well it’s just-

Goodrich: And I will assure you that the mental notes are stacking!

[All laugh]

Goodrich: Well, I turn to the dad and I say-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What can we do to help?

Goodrich: [Chuckles]

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What was Fingerbones trying to do here?

Kyle (as Father): Well, I mean-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): He wasn’t like a psychiatrist or anything, he said he was playing so.

Kyle (as Father): Nah, Fingerbones was trying to you know, play some you know, lullabies we have around here. It’s not the getting to sleep problem, it’s the nightmare itself so- I mean-

Ali (as Yashee): We need to reach the subconscious.

Goodrich: Can we do that- can we write a song to get into their mindscape?

Ali: Yeah-

Kyle: You can certainly try.

Goodrich: Ohhh..

Kyle: You look over, your passive perception- you notice a top is spinning in the corner.

[Players gasp]

Goodrich: Uh, I wanna take out Usumptin real quick and see if it’s glowing, if that’s cool.

Kyle: You pull it out, you put your hands on it- what are you thinking about?

Goodrich: [Confused] What am I thinking about?

Kyle: Yeah, as you grab your instrument, I mean what’s- what’s going through your mind as you’re grabbing your instrument?

Goodrich: You know- I wonder what the heck Fingerbones tried so I don’t try the same thing? Cause I wanna help this kid- [chuckles] these kids out?

Kyle: Mkay-

Goodrich: Yeah!

Kyle: So, you’re thinking that as you grab your instrument and there’s like, a slight glow. I mean, it’s not nearly as bright as it’s been but you know there’s like a small reaction.

Goodrich: Do I notice I have to think something to get it to glow more?

Kyle: No- I mean, you as a player know your minds in a certain place-

Goodrich: Right-

Kyle: But, it’s not-

Goodrich: To Raz’ul it’s like, “oh it’s a little bit glowy.”

Kyle: Yeah, you may not be putting the connection together yet.

Goodrich: Gotcha, I guess I turn to you guys and say-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey check it out, there's a little tiny bit of glow on the horizon here-

Ali (as Yashee): [Surprised] Oh!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You guys got the same?

Ali: I'm gonna check out my mallets.

Spurrier: Yeah, check out the organ.

Kyle: Okay, what are you two thinking when you grab your instruments?

Spurrier: I’m thinking we need to knock these kids out so we can get inside their minds.

Goodrich: Aw jeez, you guys are so ready- [laughs]

Kyle: [Amused] Alright, as you’re thinking that as you grab your instrument and your instrument is glowing a little bit brighter than Raz’ul’s is.

Spurrier: Ha ha!

Goodrich: [Quickly] Uh, I'm thinking the same thing! But I'm gonna go in MORE than Randy does!

Spurrier: [Softly] Aw, damnit.

Kyle: It starts to glow a little bit more. Yashee?

[Goodrich yells]

Ali: I’m still kind of on the meatballs thing?

Kyle: [Laughing] Okay!

Goodrich: They explode with light! [laughs] Light just fills the room!

Ali: I’m just kind of like, okay so why haven’t I had meatballs in my dreams? And-

[All laugh]

Gooodrich: I want to go to there-

Ali: Yeah.

Kyle: [Laughing] Your instrument’s not really glowing-

Ali: But I’m thinking about the kids dreams too and- and like-

Kyle: Okay-

Ali: And like the scene they put the meatballs in-

Kyle: Okay-

Ali: That’s kind of what I'm replaying in my mind.

Kyle: Okay! So, you start of thinking about meatballs-

Ali: Mhm-

Kyle: And as your mind wanders towards the kids in their dream it starts to like, flitter a little bit. The light kind of flickers on just a little bit.

Ali (as Yashee): Oh! Well, mines kinda there.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Turn them off and on again, I don’t know how this works! [chuckles]

Ali: Tap it on the ground a couple times-

Kyle: It’s like, berk, bonk- cuts out a little bit, you know, half way there. But yeah, Randy your instrument is definitely glowing the brightest.

Spurrier: Alright, well-

Kyle: Winner!

Spurrier: Winner! Yes! Well uh, I don’t know what they’re trying to tell us but we’re here to do something so we might as well do it if we got the means. So I turn to the twins and um, because I want to insure this works I'm going to cast sleep as a second level spell.

Goodrich: Should we like, ask the dad’s permission first-

Spurrier: Nope!

[All laugh]

Spurrier: It’s Randy, I'm going for it. Alright so I turn to the twins-

Goodrich: And I say, [slowly] waaait!

Spurrier: Nope! So yeah, it’s a second level spell so instead I'm gonna sing uh-

Kyle: Real quick, before you get into that- you hear a little voice in the back of your head that says-

Kyle (as Eddie): [Groans] Hey- hey there, Randy! So uh, I know you’re gonna put these kids to sleep but if they’re having weird visions and seeing weird things [amused] maybe we could just make them blind?

Spurrier (as Randy) Wha- [chuckles] you’re helpful as always.

Kyle (as Eddie): Yeah!

Spurrier (as Randy): Uh, no?

Kyle (as Eddie): No?

Spurrier (as Randy): I should say not.

Kyle (as Eddie): Come on use a little bit- use a little bit more magics in that and let’s see if we can make them blind.

Kyle: Go ahead and give me a wisdom saving throw.

Spurrier: [Rolls dice] God- alright, [Goodrich groans] that’s a three plus nothing-

[Kyle bursts out laughing]

Goodrich: Oh my gosh!

[Players chuckling]

Kyle: Alright, so instead of casting what you were going to cast you will be casting blindness on one of them.

Goodrich: Oh boy.

Kyle (as Eddie): We’ll blind Hoo, he seems to be talkative, he’s the one who described everything so you know, he’s probably seen it in vivid detail in the phantasmagorical place of his mind.

Spurrier: And I guess at this point I don’t have anything to say so I just- Randy lifts up his shirt and-

[Players chuckle]

Spurrier (as Randy): [Distorted] Yooou’re super blind!

Kyle: [Amused] Alright! You see Randy lift up his shirt aand Eddie Izzard Wizard magical stuff comes out, and the kid Hoo just says-

Kyle (as Hoo): [Panicked] Wha- what did you do!? I can’t see anything!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Scolding] Randy! Rude!

Spurrier (as Randy) [Softly] Aaand..

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Honestly, wha-

Spurrier: [Rolls dice] That’s sixteen plus nine for stealth!

[Players laugh]

Kyle: Okay, so you kind of cast the spell and then you realize for a second what you’ve done-

Goodrich: Jump under the bed!

Kyle: Yup! You slide under the bed, and it’s one of those things where- yes you roll stealthily, you’re definitely not in anyone's vision, but everyone knows where you are!

[Players laugh]

Kyle: So, Erin and the father kind of lift up the bed skirt and are like-

Kyle (as Erin): What are you doing? What was that!?

Spurrier (as Randy): [Slowly] I am..keeping the visions out..they can’t see the bad meat.

[Goodrich sighs]

Kyle (as Erin): Okay, um-

Spurrier (as Randy): I’m passing the baton! Raz’ul, let’s help!

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I don’t know sleep! What are you doing!? [Laughs]

Kyle (as Father): I mean if you were trying to put them to sleep that would work well but what happened?

Spurrier (as Randy): Maybe I'll give it a second go. I'm just gonna play from under here if that’s okay.

Kyle: Yeah- you hear in the back of your mind you hear- you just hear-

Kyle (as Eddie): [Echoing chuckle] Yes, that was good-

Spurrier: Oh god, so I'm gonna give this another go.

Goodrich: This is why we can’t have nice things like, responsible halflings.

[All chuckle]

Spurrier: So yes, I am gonna do this as a second level spell so I have a very good chance of putting them both to sleep.

Kyle: Mhm.

Spurrier: So, yeah!

Spurrier (as Randy): [Singing, soft piano plays] I’ll sing you to sleep, these twins go to sleep. You're tired, and you want to go to bed.

Kyle: Alright, go ahead and roll the hit dice for that.

Spurrier: I’m gonna need everyone's help cause that’s gonna be seventy-eight over all?

[All mumbling in shock]

Spurrier: If this doesn’t put them to sleep, oh boy.

Ali: [Softly] I got two.

Goodrich: So, we can use the chord dice, we’re gonna use the chord dice. They have numbers on them in case we need to use them as eight-sided dice. So, you know-

Spurrier: Versatile.

Goodrich: If the songs start to just suck after this roll it’s because we- [rolling dice]

Kyle: Used up the magic.

Spurrier: One, eight, two, five, six, five, five.

Kyle: A-sleep.

Spurrier: A-sleep!

Kyle: Yup.

Spurrier: Don’t even need to ask.

Goodrich: Nope!

Kyle: They’re just zonked out and I think that spell lasts about a minute, right?

Spurrier: Uuum-

Goodrich: But in the dream scape it’ll be like, two hours!

Kyle: Yeah no, dreams can last forever- wait, that sounds really dark and menacing, never mind!

[Players chuckle]

Spurrier (as Randy): Minus the blindness I've done my part, it’s on to you guys.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Aw jeez.

Kyle: The father says-

Kyle (as Father): At least he’s asleep now..

Spurrier (as Randy): He won’t be blind in like oh, a minute or so- it's fine.

Kyle: I think you can cancel the spell effects whenever you feel like it so-

Spurrier (as Randy): When he wakes up, he shouldn’t be blind. [Pauses] It should be fine.

Kyle: He will not be blind; you know that magically inside of you.

Spurrier: Yes! Deep inside of me.

Goodrich: Jeez-

Spurrier: And I laugh right back at Eddie.

[Kyle and Spurrier chuckling at each other]

Goodrich: Ali and I are gonna go get a sandwich while you two just battle- Eddie, Randy battle Royale.

[All laugh]

Kyle: Okay-

Spurrier: Well we got some glows going.

Kyle: Erin looks at you three and goes-

Kyle (as Erin): Alright, alright, so ya’ll got ‘em to sleep so what are you gonna do now?

Spurrier (as Randy): We should probably act, this the spell doesn’t last super long.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I don’t know how to do this guys, I-

Goodrich: I pull up the bedskirt and I say-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You’re the one with the instrument that’s glowing the most-

Spurrier (as Randy): Let’s get in there!

Goodrich: So, do we both crawl under the bed? I'm gonna crawl under there.

Ali: I’ll just stick my head just right under.

Kyle: [Amused] Okay. So, you three are pretty much under the bed. Yashee, just your head is under the bed and you hear Duke and Erin say-

Kyle (as Duke and Erin): What are you doing!?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): This is how it’s done-

Spurrier (as Randy): We’re getting ready-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Let the professionals work please.

Kyle (as Erin): Alright, we’ll leave you to it.

Kyle: You hear them walk out of the room.

Spurrier: Awesome.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, so uh.. That song you sung was really great but was that Eddie again?

Spurrier (as Randy): For what?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): For you casting blindness- did you-

Spurrier (as Randy): Uh..

Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, you wouldn’t want to like, blind some kids.

Spurrier (as Randy): I mean, not usually. But yeah, for these people no, so yes that was Eddie.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Sighs] Look-

Spurrier (as Randy): I tried, I tried to fight back-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): When this is over, we should really talk about that again.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah but, time is of the essence-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Time is- I know, I know. Alright, let’s do this.

[Electronic music plays]

Goodrich: So Kyle, like, what’s going on here in terms of what we’re trying to achieve? Like, are we trying to write a song to get into their- are we writing an inception song!? Like instead of hooking us up to the machine-

Kyle: You can write an inception song if you want to.

Goodrich: [Sighing] Aw, boy.

Spurrier: He’s not gonna give you the answers.

Kyle: Yeah dude you gotta figure it-

Goodrich: Okay, okay!

Kyle: This is your adventure!

Spurrier: Kyle’s not a game shark.

Kyle: Yeah, right? I'm not a game gen.

Spurrier: Yeah!

Goodrich: Game genie? Alright, fine. Well, here we go!

Ali: Let’s do some- some dream investigation.

Kyle: Yeah- yeah roll for dream investigation with chord dice.

Ali: Here we go.

Spurrier: Here we go!

[Multiple dice rolling]

Kyle: Oh, wait! Don’t look real quick!

[Goodrich yells]

Kyle: Major or minor?

Spurrier: Oh, right! Good call, Kyle. Okay so, we’re trying to help-

Goodrich: I mean, I'd say major if I was gonna choose. We're trying to help-

Ali: Yeah, I don’t wanna- it's already a nightmare.

Spurrier:The nightmares- yeah, exactly!

[Players laugh]

Goodrich: [Amused] You already blinded one! So uh-

Spurrier: He’s gonna wake up fine!

Ali: Um yeah, so major?

Goodrich: Major.

Kyle: Sweet, okay-

Goodrich: Okay-

Kyle: What chords we got?

Ali: Um-

Spurrier: Okay, so I got an E-minor.

Ali: Uh, G.

Kyle: [Mumbling] Can’t see over the thing-

Goodrich: I got C.

Kyle: I got a B-diminished.

Goodrich: Okay so, C, B-diminished, E-minor and G.

Kyle: Alright.

Ali: Alright! The drum roll, here we go! [Coin hits the table]

[Other players excitedly making noise]

Ali: Okay, heads alright- [Rolls dice] So, ninety-three, okay. Hip-hop two!

Spurrier: Yes!

Kyle: Alright, some dream hop.

Ali: And the drum set is thirty, so that will be uhh hip-hop four!

Spurrier: Oh boy!

Kyle: Oh! Good!

Goodrich: It’s an inception rap-wrap up!

Kyle: Yeah! Alright well uh, [deep voice] get to writing.

[Music transitions]

Kyle: Hey everyone, it’s your dungeon maestro Kyle here, just wanted to thank you for hanging out with us, tunin’ in. If you want to catch up with us between episodes, follow us on social media @bombardedcast, and if you share our adventure make sure you use the hashtag #bardcast. If you wanna say hi, have some questions or if you just wanna send us pictures of your cat, which we welcome very much, you can e-mail us at- bombardedcast@gmail.com and I'm gonna take a second to just say- have we been blown away by all the fan art that we’ve seen coming out! Uh, we’re just in love with every last one of these and we’re working on the website and wanna include all this wonderful art that you’ve done. So, if you have art and you share it make sure to tag us in it so that we can include it in our museum-de-bombard-ed.

Anyway, March 27th is- well that’s in my future, but it’s in your past, which means you can download Chaos Sauce volume one over at our BomBARDed Bandcamp. Which is, bombarded.bandcamp.com, and later this month we’re actually going to be releasing the OST, so that’s at the end of April. You'll be able to download that; we don’t have a specific date yet but we’ll get at you with it.

If you want to check out the band behind Chaos Sauce, head over to lindbymusic.com or lindby.bandcamp.com and of course, Lindby is spelled, L-I-N-D-B-Y.

Alright, so we have a sponsor this week from Adventures and Artists. Join Adventures and Artists over five weeks as they explore the realm of live improvised music combined with live dungeons and dragons, and as they raise money for the national autistic society and the West Gate Hall Trust of Canterberry United Kingdom. If you are in the UK they invite you to come and watch live. If not, then you can catch it online. Just search Facebook, twitter or Instagram @AnAConcert. For more information on how to donate, watch and book tickets. The concerts gonna run every Sunday from the 15th of April till the 13th of May. You can read more about Adventures and Artists, the team, and the award-winning composer behind this project at jasonhodgsoncomposer.co.uk. Again, that’s jasonhodgsoncomposer.co.uk. I have to say, this is very exciting to hear cause of course, us at BomBARDed love music, love D and D, and this sounds right up our alley. So, you if you have the opportunity to check this out? Highly recommending it.

Alright, one last thing. We’re we’re gonna be at FanExpo Dallas on April 7th so if you happen to be there and see us walking around wearing our green BomBARDed shirts- Goodrich, Spurrier and myself will be there, you and come up and say hi, we’d love to see you! Ali would be there but she’s going to be at a music work shop.

So, that’s pretty much all I've pretty much got for this time, sooo let’s head back to the show!

[Music transitions]

Spurrier: So, Randy slides his organ out from under the bed and you can only see his hands, and he begins to play-

[Organ begins playing techno/hip-hop beat, joined by guitar and drums soon after]

All (Singing): Dream boys, dream boys. The Fields start to glow, and that’s how you know your nightmare has begun. When Jenny starts to call, try’n to get you boys to fall, turn your tails and run. Oh, you dream boys.  Oh, you dream boys.

Goodrich and Spurrier (singing): And If she turns to meat-

Ali (singing): That could be a tasty treat.

Goodrich and Spurrier (singing): Yeah but Yashee let’s make a plan.

All(singing): If the boys are safe and sound, and the meat’s still on the ground, we’ll do all that we can.
For you dream boys, for you dream boys, for you dream boys, for you dream boys.

[Music fades out]

Kyle: So, you three start playing and the magical essence of your instruments starts to flow out of them. Raz’ul you’re still under the bed, Randy you’re still under the bed, Yashee-

Goodrich: Minus his hands-

Kyle: Yeah, minus your hands, Yashee you’re kind of..not really.

Ali: [Amused] I’m mostly not under the bed.

Kyle: Mostly not under the bed, that’s right.

Goodrich: The way that I have this pictured is that our three heads are just all touching, like [singing] dreaaam boys!

[All laugh]

Goodrich: You know?

Kyle: Yes- no, that’s perfect.

Goodrich: So, it could float upwards into the bed!

Spurrier: Into their minds.

Kyle: And that it does. It floats upwards into their mind beds and you start to hear a voice and it says-

Kyle (as Echoing voice): Come- come on, Hoo! Come on, Trip! Follow me!

Kyle: Your music’s resonating with the twins and they’re like-

Kyle (as Hoo): [Echoing] I don’t- I don’t know if we should.

Goodrich: Are we there too? Like, what's our deal?

Kyle: You’re not seeing anything; you’re just hearing this in your head.

Spurrier: Oh, okay!

Goodrich: Gotcha.

Kyle: And then you hear the voice say-

Kyle (as Echoing voice): Who’s here with you? And how are- [angry] how are they here!?

[Players gasp a bit in shock]

Kyle: And all the sudden you just hear static and everything cuts. You finish your song and everything but you’re not hearing any more than that. What are you gonna do after that?

Ali: Uh, let's check on the boys.

Kyle: Okay.

Goodrich: Yeah, let’s check out those dream boys, yeah.

Kyle: You crawl out from under the bed and see the boys sleeping on the bed just fine-

Ali: Still sleeping?

Kyle: Still sleeping.

Ali: They look peaceful?

Kyle: Yeah!

Goodrich: They’re not screaming?

Kyle: They’re not screaming, they’re sleeping and they uh, they look really really peaceful.

Ali: Alright well, we should not wake them up.

Spurrier: Yeah, let's let them be.

Ali: This is that good sleep that they need.

Goodrich: Yes, agreed.

Kyle: Mkay, you hear the door creak a little bit and you see the dad and Erin stumble in-

Goodrich: And I say- shhh!

Ali: And I’ll do it- shhh!

[All shushing quietly]

Kyle: And he like, gestures you-

Kyle (as Father): [Whispering] Come on out.

Goodrich: Oh yeah, we gotta come out-

Ali: I tip toe, beep, beep, beep-

Kyle: So, you walk out. Randy you slowly close that door and just- [soft click]

Spurrier: Yeah-

Kyle: Yeah, the dad’s just standing there and he’s like-

Kyle (as Father): Did it go well?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So, good news, bad news time. Yes. Bad news, there’s probably some sort of entity that’s entering your children's dreamscape and causing them to freak out, turn people into meat.

Kyle: He looks really concerned.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Good news! We wrote a pretty cool song! And I think it’s one we’ll probably work in on rotation-

Spurrier (as Randy): And it might have scared him away-

[Players agree]

Ali (as Yashee): They’re sleeping and they’re not screaming.

Kyle (as Father): That’s- that’s exactly what I need. Maybe now I can get some sleep.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah!

Kyle (as Father): I don’t know if you know but trying to sleep with other people screaming around is..not very restful.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Chuckles] Yeah well, trying to do magic and stuff when you got a crazy little wizard living inside someone that just blinds people on impulse is uh-

Kyle (as Father): I wouldn’t-

[Goodrich laughs]

Kyle (as Father): I definitely wouldn’t know anything about that.

Spurrier (as Randy): It’s a metaphor.

Goodrich: [Laughing] It’s a metaphor!

Kyle: Erin give you a very like- turns her head, “whaaaat?”

Spurrier (as Randy): A metaphor, It's a metaphor.

[Players agreeing quickly]

Spurrier (as Randy): It’s a dwarven metaphor.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): True, it means..I gotchu.

Kyle (as Father): Okay, well-

Kyle: And he turns to Erin and he’s like-

Kyle (as Father): Erin, thank you for bringing these bards here. Uh, what- I didn’t catch your names.

Ali (as Yashee): Well, I'm Yashee.

Spurrier (as Randy): And I’m Randy.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): And I’m Raz’ul.

Kyle (as Father): Excellent, well pleasure to meet you. Uh, if you’re going to be in Basom- if you’re going to stay here for a little while- you've done me and my family a service, I'd be more than happy to have you-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Cool!

Goodrich: And I do what we always do, hand him our card, Chaos Sauce, blah blah blah.

Kyle: He takes the card.

Goodrich: Custom lullabies for your kids, I mean- anything you need really. Hit us up.

Kyle: He goes over, puts it in his rolodex-

Goodrich: Good.

Spurrier: Phew!

Kyle: And Erin’s like-

Kyle (as Erin): Alright, let’s go ahead and head on out.

[Players agree excitedly]

Kyle: So, you step outside and Erin turns to you three. She's just like-

Kyle (as Big Shot): I knew I had a good feeling about you. You were very encouraging with me, and I'm just- I'm more than elated to see you help out the Pell twins cause they’ve been having a rough go of it since that meteor landed. Which-

Goodrich: Yeah.

Kyle (as Erin): Speaking of which, is the rest of the expedition waiting for us or are we meeting them?

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, we’re meeting them at the oasis.

Kyle (as Erin): Oh okay, well- how- we should probably get going, I guess.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yes.

Spurrier (as Randy): Tally-ho!

Kyle: So, you begin to make your way back to the oasis with Erin in tow and everything. And you see the rest of the group waiting there and as you walk up with Erin you see Boom Queen just taking a drink out of a cup and just spews it all over Whimpy-

[Players laugh]

Kyle: Upon seeing Erin walking with you three. And John has a very pleasantly surprised look on his face, but without skipping a beat, you walking up and he says-

Kyle (as John): Alright, let’s get out to the sandatees and head on out to the site.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, question? What are sandatees? I've heard that a few times, I'm not a hundred percent sure what they are.

Kyle (as John): You’ll see them in a second, they’ll be mounts for us, they’ll help us get across the sand a little easier. They look like they’re not dexterous but they work well in sand.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay.

Goodrich: I put my hand down.

[All laugh]

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Thank you.

Kyle (as John): There are no bad questions. Alright, let’s go!

Kyle: Alright so, you head further sound and eventually reach the edge of town. There's a ranch, it has a fence set up and there are twelve posts set up, and you can see that ten out of the twelve have these really big looking sand cow looking things. Kinda look like- what we would this as a manatee..but on sand!

Goodrich: [Laughs] Okay?

Kyle: Yeah!

Ali: Sandatee-

Goodrich: [With realization] Oooh!

Spurrier: Yes!

Goodrich: I got it!

[Overlapping conversation]

Kyle: Alright, so you know what’s going on with the sandatee now.

Goodrich: Yup, yup I got it.

Kyle: Anyway, people are putting their bags on them and loading up all the cargo-

Goodrich: [Laughing] they’re putting saddles on-

Kyle: You know, the saddle bags and what not for their sandatees. John lets you know, he’s just like-

Kyle (as John): Go ahead and pack up everything, hop on and head out it should be a few hours barring any- you know, adverse weather.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, Yashee you might need to help Randy and I up on our sandatees.

Ali: Oh. [Giggles] They don’t have a little stool or something-

Goodrich: [Sadly] Just help us up, please?

Ali: Alright, alright.

Ali (as Yashee): Here you go guys.

Ali: Um, does everyone have their own?

Goodrich: Or should we just ride with Yashee?

Kyle: Yeah, everyone has their own.

Goodrich: Oh!

Kyle: There is one for everyone if you wanted. You could do whatever you want though.

Goodrich: Well are there like smaller ones? How easy are these animals to control?

Ali: Maybe you and Randy could ride together on one.

Goodrich: Okay, do you wanna ride on one with me?

Ali: Yeah, so I’ll pick you up and stick you over and say-

Ali (as Yashee): You guys can probably-

Goodrich: Is there like a dromedary sandatee so that- [laughs] there’s two humps on it?

Kyle: Yeah.

Goodrich: [Mumbling] Or is that Bactrian? I don’t remember.

Spurrier: I’m gonna stand on the front of it and be the mast head.

[Players laugh and agree]

Spurrier: Be ready to go, pointing into the wind.

Goodrich: Yes!

Kyle: Okay, before you do that though, Randy- as you’re getting set up..you hear a little voice in your head again.

Spurrier: [Sighs]

Goodrich: Not again, two in one session.

Kyle: He’s like-

Kyle (as Eddie): Hey Randy, you should just uh, loosen Connor’s saddle bags. Go over there and just give it a little loosen; it’ll be funny cause it could just fall off and he’d lose his stuff.

Spurrier (as Randy): [Sarcastically] So convenient.

Kyle (as Eddie): So? Whatdya think? It's no harming anybody.

Spurrier (as Randy): Well, what’s in them?

Kyle (as Eddie): I dunno, but he won’t have it. It'll be pretty funny though, right?

Spurrier (as Randy): [Struggling] Oh..wha..

Kyle (as Eddie): [Cheerfully] Come on, Randy.

Spurrier (as Randy): [Struggling] No..no-

Kyle (as Eddie): [Cheerfully] Come on, Randy!

Spurrier (as Randy): No, no, no-

Kyle: Go ahead and give me that wisdom save throw!

Spurrier: I don’t add anything, I don’t even have to look- [rolls dice] It’s always on these rolls! Two.

[Players laugh]

Goodrich: Oh no.

Spurrier: It’s totally legit, these are always my worst rolls-

Kyle: They’re hard to do-

Goodrich: It’s not really Eddie, it’s Kyle that makes you roll.

Kyle & Spurrier: That’s true.

Kyle: All I need you to do is give me a slight of hand check.

Spurrier: Okay, this I’ll get a twenty on.

[Other players chuckle, dice rolls]

Kyle: I know what you’re good at.

Spurrier: It’s a seven plus nine.

Kyle: Okay so, you start sneaking over there to do Eddie’s little deed and uh, Connor notices you and says-

Kyle (as Connor): Hey! What are you doing over there little guy!?

Spurrier (as Randy): Uh, checking your supplies, making sure we’re all stocked and ready to go!

Kyle: Roll me a deception check!

Spurrier: [Softly] ‘Kay.

Goodrich: Why are you picking on Spurrier so much!?

[All laugh]

Spurrier: [Rolls dice] That is a seventeen plus six.

Goodrich: Phew.

Kyle: Okay, and he looks at you and he kind of like, squints and eyes you up and down a little bit and says-

Kyle (as Connor): Thanks, I guess.

Spurrier (as Randy): You got everything you need? Snacks?

Kyle (as Connor): [Slowly] Yeah. Oh-

Kyle: And he walks over to John and he says-

Kyle (as Connor): John, do we have snacks ready?

Spurrier: And I just mosey away.

Kyle: Okay!

Spurrier: Back to my sanda-nista.

[All laugh]

Goodrich: Do we have the deluxe ones? This is the LX!

Spurrier: LX2000.

Kyle: That’s right.

Spurrier: Yes.

Goodrich: Sandatee Turbo.

Spurrier: Oh man.

Kyle: [With English accent] You can lease one for two thirty-nine a month. [Normal] Alright so, you get all packed up, you get all ready to go, you’re able to get in a little bit of mischief but eventually you make your way off into the southern dessert.

Goodrich: Well while we’re traveling can I talk to Randy? Is that cool for me to do?

Kyle: Absolutely.

Goodrich: Okay, I just wanted to ask Randy-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, how’s Eddie doing? Has he been causing any more problems? Been flaring up ever since your little- the little crook on your back- has your Eddie been-

Spurrier: I mean-

Kyle: You have some preparation E?

[All laugh]

Spurrier (as Randy): I uh, made that kid blind so-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yes.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, I'm thinking if it’s cool with you maybe whenever we stop we talk to Splash about it? Just because we were going to this morning and then we got all-

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, that’s fine, just probably not while we’re flopping across the desert.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeaah, yeaah [Laughs]

Spurrier (as Randy): [Laughing] Just wait.

Goodrich: Is that how these things move, Kyle? They flop?

Kyle: Yeah, they flop really well though!

Goodrich: Yeah, right, right, right. Okay.

Kyle: So, alright that’s you two having a little chat uh, Yashee you doing anything?

Ali: Um, yeah so I guess while all that’s been going on I've been kind of riding off to the side with my sandatee.

Kyle: Mhm.

Ali: And I’ve been kind of talking to it, trying to get to know it a little bit-

[Others laugh]

Ali: Rubbing it’s neck a lot, like talking to it about what we’ve been up to so-

Goodrich: Have you given it a name? Do you want me to talk to it!?

Ali: Well, so I was going to um, cast animal friendships.

Goodrich: Aww!

Spurrier: Nice!

Ali: To make sure my sandatee knows that like, I care about her.

Goodrich: Aww.

Kyle: Okay yeah- aww, that’s so cute, yes!

Ali: Yeah! Just so you know we can have like a nice ride together.

Kyle: Yeah, absolutely.

Ali: We’ll leave like, a little closer.

[Players chuckle]

Kyle: That’s adorable, yes, I love it.

Ali: Okay! So, I’ll start um, tapping out some beats on my leg while like, riding my sandatee.

Goodrich: You’re like, beating your sandatee with your mallets?

Ali: Yeah, well I didn’t wanna do that so I'll hit myself you know? I’ve got some strong knees.

Goodrich: Right, yeah yeah.

[Low drum beat begins]

Ali (singing): Animal friendship is rare; do you know what I'm sayin’? Animal friendship is rare. It's rare to me, can’t you see? It’s rare to me and my sandatee.

[Music stops]

Kyle: Okay so you perform your song and your sandatee’s going along just fine and you start to play and it looks back at you, and just gives you like these big like, open eyes like, I love you so much!

[All laugh]

Kyle: I can’t even- normally there’s a roll involved with this but you know, these are trained beasts so uh-

Ali: Right, well my song was out of love anyway.

Kyle: Absolutely, and it felt that love very hardcore. It's kind of adjusted it’s gate to where it’s not jostling you around as much-

Ali: Aw!

Kyle: It’s making sure it’s flippers don’t fling sand back on you too much, it’s actually starting to take a little bit of a swerve as it feels like it’s sort of dancing across the sand now cause it’s so happy!

Ali: I go- “Oh, Sandy!” Cause I named it Sandy-

[All laugh]

Kyle: Yes!

Ali: I do have to ask actually, what color is my sandatee?

Kyle: Most of them- most of them are gray.

Ali: Gray- oh I was hoping she was going to be a pink lady-

[All laugh]

Kyle: She’s pink from blushing.

Ali: My little pink lady, Sandy!

Kyle: Yeah!

Ali: Oh, Sandy!

Goodrich: Did we name our sandatee?

Spurrier: I mean, we can.

Kyle: No, you’re too busy talking to each other-

[Players laugh]

Goodrich: Okay, fine-

Kyle: Do you wanna try to name your sandatee real quick?

Goodrich: No.

Kyle: Alright.

Goodrich: Do you?

Spurrier: Randatee the sandatee.

[All laugh]

Ali: There you go.

Goodrich: Randatee? Have you just named it that yourself and didn’t tell me?

Spurrier: Yeah!

Goodrich: You whisper to it- oh yeah cause you’re right up in the front.

Spurrier: I’m in the front so I lean down to it’s ear and go-

Spurrier (as Randy): [Whispering] You’re Randatee now.

[All laugh]

Kyle: It looks back at you, it like rolls it’s head back like- “whaaaat?”

Goodrich: Meanwhile I’m just getting sand sprayed on me.

Kyle: Yeah! Oh, speaking of sand sprayed on you-

Goodrich: [Laughs] Oh no!

Kyle: After all this has gone down you’ve actually notice that there is a sandstorm heading in your direction. You see everybody else in the party, they start to you know, kinda pull up a scarf, adjust themselves to prepare for it.

Goodrich: Yeah, I just pull down my goggles, spray paint my mouth silver and go- [Yelling] Yes! I’m going to ride eternal!

[All laugh]

Kyle: Alright, anybody else?

Spurrier: Oh man.

Ali: Um, I don’t think I have anything that I can pull over my-

Spurrier: Since I'm not- cause you’re kind of driving right? Cause I'm talking to Randatee.

Goodrich: I just said what I was doing.

Spurrier: I know-

Goodrich: I rip off all my clothes-

Spurrier: Did you-

Goodrich: And I’m going to ride eternal-

Spurrier: Definitely driving. Good.

[Kyle laughs]

Kyle: He took over, pushed him to the side-

Spurrier: In that cause I’m just going to tie Joby to my face.

Kyle: Okay.

Spurrier: Over all my holes and openings.

Ali: I’m just gonna like, crouch onto Sandy like, really lay on her and put my arms around her neck.

Kyle: Okay.

Ali: But not like, too tight. Don’t want to hurt her.

Kyle: Gotcha, so yeah, you all prepare yourselves and brace yourselves as best as some can. It takes a good while to get through this sandstorm and it’s starting to get later in the day. It’s definitely slowed your progress but the sandatees are still going through it strong. I'm gonna say you’ve taken proper precautions to not suffer any negative effects of this sandstorm.

Goodrich: I have like, ungodly charisma points. [Chuckles] So that’s what protects me.

Kyle: That’s right, so you get through the sandstorm just fine. Everything's great and it’s getting towards dusk as the day rolls on. And you can start to see the glowing admitting from the south, and you’re probably just one hill away from being where you need to be. And sure enough, you cress that final dune and you look down and the desert gives way to a patch of more rocky surface compared to the sand that you’ve been traveling over. But you’ve reached this point in the Stri desert and you can see the glow stones that are littered about. In the center of this area in a much larger boulder that’s just beaming bright in comparison to the other ones but on the far side of this area you notice there’s two people that are, you know, they’re the two people that went ahead of you. And you can see they’re standing in the middle of almost half set up kind of camp, and there is a ridge of dirt that is behind that camp. You can see it goes in a good circle; you see a circle around but you can’t quite see inside of it because of the height of the ridge. So, as you make an approach to the small camp that’s set up you can see that it’s Layla and Jermaine. Layla waves, begins to walk towards as Jermaine continues to set things up. She looks at John specifically and, you can all hear her, she’s saying it pretty loudly, she’s like-

Kyle (as Layla): We seem to have a real problem. Go ahead and ride over, let’s take a look at this and I’ll explain it.

Goodrich: Is she on a sandatee?

Kyle: No she’s walking, but you can all ride your sandatees over and everything-

Goodrich: Okay.

Kyle: So yeah, everybody makes their way up to the ridge and looks over and of course, this is the crater where the meteor landed. And Layla immediately says-

Kyle (as Layla): So, I imagine you can see the problem?

Ali: It’s a bunch of meatballs.

Kyle: It’s a bunch of meatballs!

[All laugh]

Kyle: How’d you know!?

Ali: I just- I knew it was coming back!

Kyle: [Laughs] No, at the center of this crater is a hole and it just goes down, and down, and down into dark.

Goodrich: [Concerned] Oh.

Kyle: She turns back, she says-

Kyle (as Layla): This must have penetrated the crust of- of our planet and I don’t know how far down it is, and I don’t think meteors typically do that.

Spurrier (as Randy): Right..

Kyle: And uh-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh uh..

Kyle: And John turns to everyone and is just like-

Kyle (as John): Alright, we’ve gotten here, let’s just go ahead and finish setting up camp. Rest. We’re gonna check this out tomorrow, see what we can do.

Kyle: And I think we might end it there for now.

Goodrich: Alright.

Ali: Hmm.

[Soft music plays and fades out]


Transcripts by: Gabi Cardone @peachdoodles – Twitter