Ep. 13 – Water We Waiting For
[Fur Elise by Beethoven plays on piano, speeds up then stops]
Ali: We wrote that!
Goodrich: Yeah! [Laughs] Can we just play them that?
Spurrier: That’s called Fur Gibbildy-fibble-dibble Fingerbones
[Theme song plays]
Kyle: Hey everyone, welcome back to BomBARDed! Let's recap last episode real quick. So, last time we started with the bards learning about writing songs in a minor key, and that was before they were dropped off in the middle of Basom to find some lodging. So, you were dropped off at the center of town at the oasis and there you met and old dwarf named Dogum; who told you a little bit about the meteor impact which caused a cave-in at the mines. During this time, you also- well uh, Raz’ul you specifically-
Goodrich: [Softly] Yeah..
Kyle: You decided to try and get chummy with some of the kids.
Goodrich: I just wanted to have a chaotic good time, Kyle!
Kyle: Yeah, yeah no, for sure! But unfortunately, your magics kind of scared them away more than anything. But, after talking with Dogum a little bit he directed you towards The No Named Horse for lodging and it was on the way there that you ran into the town drunk, Big Shot. So, Big Shot convinced you three that Yashee owed her a drink because she was knocked over, so the four of you made your way to the tavern where you caught the tail end of a town meeting. And they were talking about some things regarding, you know, if the town was going to be able to make it through and about re-opening the mine. Kind of to reflect the stuff you heard from Dogum.
Kyle: So, you earned your stay at the tavern that night by helping out a local musician named Fibblewix McFlibbs-
Kyle: Yeah, who’s now going by Fingerbones. Uh, so you helped him improve his song writing. Before you actually went to your room you were introduced to a trio of sorts. John Leremy who is the gentleman from the Bureau of Investigation or-
Kyle: He was looking for a few people, specifically two of them stood up out of the three he was looking for and that’s Trish “Boom Queen” Shareen and Alphonse “Whimpy” Correa. All of whom are to be part of the expedition going to check out the impact site. That pretty much summed up more or less of your night and as you readied for bed, Yashee and Raz’ul you got a glimpse of a sick back tat on Randy, which was news to our littlest guy and that’s where we left off so let’s pick up right there.
Goodrich: I imagine the whole time Randy’s running around in circles like- [panicked yelling] I can’t see!
Ali: Pretty much.
Spurrier: Like a dog chasing my tail, great.
Goodrich: You had said that this tattoo is pretty much a heart with Joby in the middle of it?
Kyle: [Laughing] No, it’s not.
Ali: I dunno, that’s what- that's what I see!
Goodrich: That’s what I see, Kyle! I dunno what you’re talking about.
Kyle: You think it reads that-
Kyle: Maybe- maybe it does to you in your druid speak, I dunno.
Spurrier: So..what is it? [Laughs] I’m running in circles, I'm tired.
Goodrich: Alright, so I grab you by the shoulders and I slap you and I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Snap out of it, Randy! Oh, god!
Goodrich: And then I just tell him, I guess. I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You know, back in my day when I was just a wee druid and I was learning all my druid alphabet and runes and what not, this was actually something we came across when you had something sealed up inside you. Sooo, you got something sealed up inside of you- [coughs] Eddie [coughs] maybe it’s being held in- [coughs twice] Eddie.
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, what you got? What you got in there?
Spurrier (as Randy): We talked about it.
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah.
Spurrier (as Randy): It was never there before, and Eddie’s been there and now there’s suddenly this.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Is Eddie trying to es-cap-ay? Maybe?
Spurrier (as Randy): Well, I mean, is there anything on there that looks like he might be trying to es-cap-ay?
Goodrich (as Randy): Alright, turn around, turn around.
Spurrier (as Randy): Okay.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uhhhhhh, yes. It’s glowing.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh! Okay.
Ali (as Yashee): It’s like- like a crack.
Spurrier (as Randy): Well, do we wanna call Splash?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yes! Yes.
Spurrier (as Randy): Get out our Ira-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Good call-
Spurrier (as Randy): On our Ira Glasses.
Goodrich: I get it out- [makes beep and boop noises] [whispers] Splash.
Kyle (as Symbol): Hey, what’s up?
Goodrich: He responded to Splash!
Spurrier: He responded to Splash! Aw.
Ali: We broke him.
Spurrier: The deed is done.
Goodrich: [Attempting not to laugh] So anywho there’s this problem with Randy- [laughs]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, Hey prof-
Kyle (as Symbol): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I’m gonna hand it over to Randy real quick and he can tell you what’s going on. Here you go, here’s Randy.
Spurrier (as Randy): Hey, Splash.
Kyle (as Symbol): Hey Randy, what’s wrong this time?
Spurrier (as Randy): Um, so I took off my shirt-
Kyle (Symbol): Mkay..
Spurrier (as Randy): And I’m taking off my clothes, and there’s apparently a giant tattoo on my back that might have glyphs of sealing? And something might be trying to escape from inside me?
Kyle (as Symbol): Oh-
Spurrier (as Randy): Maybe Eddie? Can you help?
Kyle (as Symbol): Um, maybe.
Spurrier (as Randy): That’s reassuring as always.
Kyle (as Symbol): I don’t know, I’d have to see it. So, um-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You wanna swing by, maybe?
Kyle (as Symbol): I’ll have to see you tomorrow, where- [as Luey Hewis] I’m coming, just a second! [Normal] I’ll have to see you tomorrow.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You in the middle of something?
Kyle (as Symbol): [as Louie Hewis] Yeah, just a moment, John, yeah!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I think he’s playing bridge with some of his-
[Players agree softly]
Kyle (as Symbol): Yeah, no, I'll see you tomorrow.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What’dya doin’? If you don’t mind me asking.
Kyle: You don’t hear anything, there’s no response.
Goodrich: Yeah, jeez.
Spurrier (as Randy): Alright great, ummm-
Goodrich: We have that red hand clutching a cracked pearl on a field of onyx pendent?
Goodrich: Could we bust that out and kind of hold it up to the crack-
Kyle: Go ahead-
Goodrich: Could you just kinda paint that picture again? Of like, what his back looks like?
Kyle: Okay so, the tattoo on his back looks like three concentric circles, there’s two smaller ones at the very center uh, and from the second circle you see three wavy lines coming off in like a- they come off at three different points.
Kyle: And then in-between those wavy lines there are dashes that are just like floating in between the second circle and the third circle. On the inside of the third circle are where you see all the runes and glyphs-
Kyle: That just line that.
Kyle: In the top right line, the line that kind of just floats, that’s where you can see the crack forming. Like, the energy red crack.
Goodrich: Who’s got- oh that’s you, you have the pendant-
Spurrier: I have the pendant, yeah.
Goodrich: So, can I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, can you bust that pendant out? I just wanna try something real quick.
Spurrier (as Randy): [Surprised] Oh! Uh, yeah okay, here.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Ah- [grunts] alright.
Goodrich: And I hold it up to the glowing part real quick, kind of, seeing if there’s any sort of reaction.
Kyle: There is no reaction.
Goodrich: Alright, I hand it back to you.
Spurrier (as Randy): Well, thanks.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay.
Spurrier: Does someone wanna touch it? Touch the red part? See what happens? Maybe touch it with like a stick or something?
Ali: Oh, this could be a good time for me to take out some of those fingers, actually.
[Players and Kyle agreeing]
Ali: I’ll poke it with Rhiannon’s finger.
Spurrier: There you go.
Ali: I’ve got a bag with both of them, so let me just pick the longer one. Okay, I'm gonna just poke it right in there.
Kyle: Okay, so you poke it into there and uh-
Kyle: The fingernail kind of like- the fingernail on it kind of curls a little bit as it touches it-
Goodrich: Put it in further!
Ali: Does it seem like I could put the finger in?
Spurrier: Do I feel anything?
Ali: I wasn’t gonna go for it, I was gonna ask first.
Spurrier: It feels fine, you can try again.
Goodrich: I wanna try, I wanna try!
Ali: Well, couple more times- but it’s doing the same thing every time it’s just kinda-
Spurrier: Okay, does it hit a barrier? Or like, can it continue?
Kyle: It feels like it’s hitting a barrier.
Kyle: Randy, you don’t feel any of this poking or prodding. Like, anytime you hit it on the crack you’re not feeling anything.
Spurrier: [Curiously] Huh.
Kyle: Like, you don’t feel any kind of sensation at all.
Goodrich: I just wanna stick my finger in there now, just so I can feel what it feels like.
Kyle: Feels like your touching one of those like, electric balls where you get the slight sensation of electricity on your fingers.
Goodrich: Oh, okay!
Kyle: It feels like that and it's like, rock hard.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You work out?
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah, a bit.
Kyle: Getting' swol.
Goodrich: [chuckles] yeah.
Spurrier: Randy’s jacked.
Goodrich: Yeah! Uh-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, not much I can do for ya.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah um, well-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I dunno, man!
Spurrier (as Randy): I guess we should- I don’t have any means of doing anything about this?
Goodrich: I do you have- I do have a book- I'm digging way back, stuff we picked up.
Goodrich: I do have a book called The Anatomy of Humanoids, can I rifle through that real quick and see if-
Kyle: You rifle through it and just imagine it more of like a basic biology book about like, oh yeah this is like how tall most halflings are, or how tall most humans are. It's pretty general knowledge but uh-
Goodrich: There’s not like uh, medical section of it or- “what to do if your little Randy has a-”
Goodrich: “a glowing infection.” [Laughs]
Kyle: It’s not a magical book.
Kyle: And since you know these are like, magical runes and symbols, this book would not serve as well.
Spurrier (as Randy): Well, do you guys have any sort of like- not shield but anything to sort of like, cover it up so we can sleep and not get it on the bed?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, cause we didn’t-
[Kyle burst out laughing]
Goodrich: Would we have to pay extra if-
Goodrich: If we screw their bed up-
Spurrier: Just kind of mask it and sleep it off and since Splash didn’t seem super concerned.
Goodrich: Well I do have a needle that never bends, could I just-
Spurrier: Just sew it up?
Ali: Let’s not do that again.
Goodrich: Let’s not, who knows what the heck will happen here. Poor little Randy just explodes. Uh, well I guess the only thing left to do is do a good old-fashioned arcana check, Kyle, is that cool?
Kyle: Yeah, if you got the skills to pay those bills, roll it up.
Goodrich: Ali, do you wanna roll?
Spurrier: You said there was a mirror in here? Right?
Kyle: Yup, I already established there was.
[Multiple dice rolling]
Ali: I got an eighteen.
Spurrier: Fifteen plus one.
Goodrich: And I got a nineteen plus one.
Kyle: Okay so, you all look this over and Yashee you notice there’s some very tribal kind of markings that represent this. Of course, Raz’ul, you noticed all the druidic markings as well. Randy, as you’re looking at it you notice there’s a lot of arcanic runes and you all come to the conclusion that there’s a lot of different magics that were put into this glyph.
Goodrich: Where have you been, son!?
Spurrier: [Stammers] That’s a fantastic question!
Goodrich: Jeez, like a suitcase over there with all the travel stickers all over it!
Kyle: Magical travel stickers.
Spurrier: Well-traveled Randy.
Kyle: But yeah, you all come to the conclusion that this was done by a person who knows their way around-
Goodrich: A back.
Kyle: Uh, yes, they know it like-
Spurrier: All the way around-
Kyle: The back of Randy’s back.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, I mean if it’s not causing you any discomfort uh-
Spurrier (as Randy): No, uh-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Let’s just talk to Splash about it in the morning.
Spurrier (as Randy): I guess I’ll sleep on my stomach, or use a sheet so-
Goodrich: Well, what’s the bed situation here?
Kyle: It’s one big bed that you can all fit in.
Goodrich: Awww! Okay!
Goodrich: Ali, does Yashee kind of pull us in like two little teddy bears? Like, mm..
Ali: Yeah, I plant one on top of your heads.
Goodrich: [Laughing] Awww!
Ali (as Yashee): Night, guys.
Kyle: I imagine Yashee comes in like Spike on The Land Before Time and falls into the bed.
Kyle: Alright, so you all get ready for bed and uh, you’re all crawling in and you cozy up, you get in tight and you start drifting off. And as you drift off, you each dream. Oh boy, do you dream.
Goodrich: Oh jeez.
Kyle: Yashee, as you sleep you have a couple different dreams, probably about spoons, food or banging out some sweet beats.
Kyle: But those tend to fade away and uh, suddenly you’re surrounded by darkness. It's very, very reminiscent of the void from recent-
Goodrich: We just can’t get away! [Laughing] Oh my god..
Kyle: But all the sudden there’s a flash of blinding light from a bolt of lightning, and a loud deafening clap of thunder. Your vison slowly comes to you and you notice you’re standing in torrential downpour just outside of a medium sized tent. The tent flap opens up and your dad stands there gesturing for you to come in. He is saying something but all you can hear is the sound of the storm around you. You enter the tent and your dad continues to speak but you can’t hear his words. He looks like a nervous wreck and is constantly rubbing his head or running his hands through his hair in distress. He gestures to a partition section of the tent and nods in approval while opening the curtain. You step towards the opening and inside you see your mom lying on a pile of pillow. A bucket of steaming water and a pile of wash cloths and towels are next to her. She begins to scream in immense pain with tears running down her cheeks. While you aren’t able to hear the scream, you can feel it. It shakes you to your core. You are shaken so violently you are woken up in a cold sweat, your heart pounding, and you are on the verge of going into a rage.
Kyle: So, Raz’ul!
Goodrich: Aw, jeez! [laughs]
Spurrier: Oh wow, okay!
Kyle: You drift to sleep easily and start having your normal dream of crafting items that are on par with Usumptin’s quality, and you’re striking your hammer at a steady rhythm. And as you continue, the sound of your hammering turns into the sound of knocking on a door. Suddenly, you’re standing in front of a door in what you recognize is a common living quarters underneath Mt. Tain. You hear coughing coming from inside the house and through the coughing you hear- [coughing] “come in.” You enter the into the small dwelling and see a very sickly-looking dwarven woman lying on a cot near a small fireplace. She turns to face you and her face is stricken with shock. “A- am I hallucinating? Is this the end? Are you real? Please, if you are, take care of-” but you interrupt the woman with a comforting [shushes]. You reach out and caress her forehead, and as you do you hear the coo of a baby coming from the next room. This coo wakes you up, and you have a deep sense of longing, but for what? You do not know.
Kyle: Randy! It’s a rough night of sleep for ol’ Randy but only because Eddie waits until you are on the verge of sleep to say something. He finally ceases his torture and as you are drifting off, you hear him humming a familiar melody, but you can’t place where you know it from. You drift off with this tune in your ear and as you sleep, you begin to dream. You take a look around and recognize that you’re deep inside the Mons Organum, the large mountainous organ that your family lived near when you were young. There's a sense of failure and a sense of loss of hope that washes over you as you place a cloth wrapped object onto a pedestal. There’s a glow emanating from underneath the cloth and as you turn to leave the chamber you turn back one more time before leaving. As you look over your shoulder you can see the glowing begin to subside and fade completely. You're left with a sense of sadness you can’t explain which sticks with you as you awaken the next morning.
Kyle: So, you all wake up- Yashee, you’re on the verge of rage. Raz’ul, you’re longing for something you can’t even grasp, and Randy you are just filled with a feeling of remorse.
Goodrich: [Stretching] Alright, who’s ready to write a song! No, I'm just- I'm just kidding.
Kyle: If you wanna roll the chord dice-
Goodrich: No, no, no-
Kyle: You can totally- if you wanna sing about your dreams-
Goodrich: Aw jeez.
Kyle: [Singing] Sing your dreams!
Kyle: Okay! Randy and Raz’ul you can both see that Yashee is just like, pumped and looks like she’s probably about to break something.
Ali: Just like, staring at the wall like shaking a little bit-
Goodrich: I just go and give you a big hug and I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It’s okay, did you have a bad dream? Does this always happen when you have a bad dream?
Ali (as Yashee): [Distressed] I don’t know- I don’t know what this dream was about. This just like- oh my gosh, I can’t even control myself!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Randy, Randy! Get over here, give her a hug-
Spurrier: Yeah, I sort of didn’t even really notice it- so yeah, I sort of snap out of it.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh! Uh, okay! Yeah!
Spurrier: And I hop on over.
Ali: I start breathing- [inhales and exhales slowly]
Spurrier (as Randy): In and out.
Ali (as Yashee): [Softly] I’m fine..
Kyle: Raz’ul got a special potpourri for it I'm sure.
Goodrich: I make up that stress away potpourri we had earlier that uh-
Kyle: Right on-
Goodrich: And I say- and I realize that the longing that I had was not a hug from Yashee, as warm and massive as it was, I guess-
Spurrier: My sadness is still there so-
Spurrier (as Randy): Raz’ul, can I get a hit of that?
Spurrier (as Randy): I’m not feeling so great myself.
Goodrich: I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah dude, just breathe the air, Randy.
Goodrich: Or do you just take it from me like- [exhales loudly]
Spurrier: Just like- [sniffles loudly multiple times]
Kyle: Alright, so you all comfort each other and get calmed down.
Goodrich: Is Yashee all better?
Kyle: Yashee, are you feeling better?
Ali: I think I'm feeling better.
Kyle: Yeah, I'd say you-
Ali: Calm, under control-
Kyle: I’d say with the stress away potpourri- you know, that’d probably be a good rage bringer downer.
Goodrich: I’m gonna go ahead and write that down.
Kyle: Yeah! You know, who knows. Maybe if it gets out of hand sometimes it’ll be your quick fix.
Spurrier: Keep that stocked up, yeah.
Goodrich: I always keep it stocked. I mean, I guess it should be said that while we’re walking around doing our things I'm collecting bits and pieces of things for potpourri. I'd think I spent enough time in the woods after I left the mountain to know, “ooh! That's some good sage right there! Oh yeah, that’s some good lavender that I can use!” blah, blah, blah.
Kyle: Yeah, like urban forager or something.
Goodrich: Yeah! Uh, well-
Spurrier: Uh, is my back still glowing and cracking and-
Goodrich: Here, take off your nightgown-
Goodrich: And we’ll look at it.
Spurrier: I unbutton my silk..yeah.
Kyle: You unbutton those fine pj silks.
Kyle: Uh, Raz’ul and Yashee you check out the tattoo and it looks the same as the night before.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Do you feel any different?
Spurrier (as Randy): Not really.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Did you have any goofy visions or anything? I just had a wacky dream but it was-
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Stock standard-
Spurrier (as Randy): Right-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Weirdness.
Spurrier (as Randy): Your potpourri helps even it all out.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, good.
Spurrier (as Randy): Do we call Splash again?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Let’s call Splash again-
Spurrier (as Randy): Maybe actually make him do his job.
[Players stifle a laugh]
Kyle: You try to call Splash but there’s no answer.
Spurrier (as Randy): Dinga-linga-ling. Great.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Maybe he could have called the school nurse or something.
Kyle: All the way back at the school? Let’s go back!
Goodrich: Let’s go back, no time for this!
Kyle: We’ll come back to Basom once we’re ready again.
Goodrich: Yeah- no, no it took us too long to get here! I guess we should head downstairs?
Spurrier: Heck yeah, I guess.
Kyle: So, you head on downstairs after getting dressed and all proper for the day. As you’re walking downstairs you notice that Deweys going around and he’s uh, in his little floaty cart and you know, making sure all the breakfast things are laid out properly. You see he’s laying out like, chalk boards that have the three-piece menu on there and everything. Uh, he’s got some nice cutlery set out for the breakfast crowd and everything. Um, and as he’s doing this he looks up and he sees you and he’s just like-
Kyle (as Dewey): Good mornin’
[Players green him tiredly]
Kyle (as Dewey): You sleep well?
[All players “eh” after each other]
Ali (as Yashee): It was interesting.
[Spurrier and Goodrich chuckle]
Kyle (as Dewey): Well, if you’re hungry I got the menus on the table you can just let me know what you want. Have at it!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Cool, thanks Dewey.
Spurrier (as Randy): Let’s do it.
Kyle: There’s a menu in front of you, there’s a menu in front of you- nope, don’t pass him that one, pass him this one.
Goodrich: [Softly] Okay.
Kyle: And there’s a menu in front of you.
Kyle: Dewey comes up and he floats in his thing, and he’s like-
Kyle (as Dewey): So, you had a chance to look over the menu?
Ali (as Yashee): Sure, I'll take it!
Goodrich: I hand the menu back [laughs]
Kyle (as Dewey): Okay, one, two, three.
Spurrier: Uh, Kyle? Does this menu have pictures on it?
Goodrich: Oh no!
Spurrier: [Disappointed] Oh.
Spurrier (as Randy): I’ll take..
Spurrier: I point right about there-
Kyle (as Dewey): Okay, the number three. You got it little boy!
Spurrier (as Randy): Thank you!
Kyle (as Dewey): I like your gusto!
Spurrier (as Randy): Ah, appreciate it.
Goodrich: And I'll say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, and I'll take the number three too.
Kyle (as Dewey): Number three as well? Oh, okay well I'll get all- um- Yashee it was?
Ali (as Yashee): Yes!
Kyle (as Dewey): The first item might take a little while, the trout and egg, that’s from the oasis.
Ali (as Yashee): Oh, alright.
Kyle (as Dewey): Dogum hasn’t brought by the uh, his catch yet. So, I don’t have the trout yet actually.
Kyle: And he rubs it off of the chalk board.
Ali (as Yashee): Alright, well if you don’t end up having the trout that’s fine, we got stuff to do today.
Kyle (as Dewey): Excellent, well give me a little bit and I'll have your food out.
Spurrier (as Randy): Cool.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Thanks, Dewey!
Kyle: He, you know, floats in his little cart on back to the back and you hear the kitchen start to fire up and um, but-
Goodrich: I turn to Randy and I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, I didn’t know you were one for stuff that’s hot and spicy.
Goodrich: Cause number three- I guess it should be said that number three was the Basom Breakfast Bun. Which is a Basom baked bun, completed with sausage, bacon and sun blister peppers. And it says, caution, on it which I assumed you-
Goodrich: I lean over and say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah! Going for that sun blister pepper. I never had them but I kind of wanted to-
Spurrier (as Randy): [Nervously] Yeah! I uh, it’s how I got these hairy feet! Puts the- puts the-
[All burst out laughing]
Goodrich: Puts the hair on your feet!?
Spurrier: Puts the crust on them, oh boy- alright! Randy does a little inner constitution check.
Spurrier: Oh man..
Kyle: See yeah, dish one was trout and eggs which is just pan-fried trout with some, you know, two eggs and a fruit bowl. Uh, there’s the Basom omelet which has, eggs, ground sandatee, cheese, grain peppers, onions and chives.
Kyle: Super delicious.
Goodrich: I imagine the sounds going on is that sound that goes on when never you make stuff in Zelda like- [imitates clunking sounds]
Kyle: Yup! Yup, absolutely!
Kyle: Don’t forget to pat your tummy after you eat it. As Dewey is getting your food taken care of and you know, a few people mill in. As you’re waiting, you actually start to hear a town crier running through the streets he’s ringing a bell and he’s telling everyone like- [bell dinging] emergency meeting at the oasis! Emergency meeting at the oasis! And he kind of Doppler effects out as he’s passing.
Goodrich: [Chuckling] He must have been going by really fast.
Kyle: Yeah its- you know, he sounds pretty distressed. But, it’s at this point that your food actually gets put in front of you.
Goodrich: Yeah, I'm definitely eating so uh..yeah!
Ali: Yes, yes absolutely.
Spurrier: We need to do a constitution check for our uh..
Kyle: [Amused] Yes, absolutely-
Kyle: Very insightful of you, you didn’t even have to roll for that one. Yeah, everybody please give me a constitution check.
[Multiple dice rolling]
Kyle: Or a save, you can make it a save so...
Ali: Mines a twenty-two in that case.
Spurrier: Mines a two plus one!
Goodrich: Man, I got eighteen plus one!
Kyle: Oh, dude, Raz’ul and Yashee you’re good to go. I mean it’s hot, don’t get me wrong-
Goodrich: But it’s a good hot! It’s a good heat!
Kyle: Yeah, ya’ll are like laughing about it.
Goodrich: I’m like-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yo, Yashee this is so good, right!?
Ali (as Yashee): Ahhh, my stomach’s burning but it burns so good!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah!
Kyle: Randy, you don’t know what the hell you’ve put on your tongue but you’re doing the kind of thing like, Jim Carrey from Dumb and Dumber like, squeezing out condiments like- ahh!
Kyle: Dewey kind of comes up and he puts down a glass of milk and he’s just like-
Kyle (as Dewey): Drink that up-
Spurrier: I stick my entire face in it!
Spurrier: Just- [makes a frantic gurgling noise]
Kyle: [Chuckling] So you stick your face in and pull it out and it’s just like, you know, white milk face dripping down and your tongue might be swollen up for just a little bit.
Spurrier (as Randy): [Mumbling as if his tongue was swollen] You guyss, I-
Spurrier (as Randy): Oww..
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You alright?
Spurrier (as Randy): Isth good.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You look like that dude in Aliens with the white stuff on your face.
Kyle: Dewey says-
Kyle (as Dewey): Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it, it’s one of our favorite dishes around here but uh, please come back any time!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah man, grub is delicious! Thanks.
Spurrier (as Randy): Thankth Dewey.
Ali: Hey um, just before they take the plates away, I'm gonna grab one of the spoons from the table that I was using and just kind of tap it against the table on the side a little bit, like the leg of the table.
Kyle: Okay, go ahead and give me a performance check.
Spurrier: Playing them spoons.
Ali: Alright, I got a twenty-three.
Kyle: Okay, so how do you test this spoon?
Ali: At first, I'm just gonna kinda tap it on the table leg. Like- [metal tapping on surface] Okay, and then I bring it back up and uh, give it a tap on the glass. [Metal tapping on glass, sounds impressed] I take out another spoon from my pocket and kind of lay this one in there, and put that one back.
Kyle: Roll me a slight of hand.
Ali: [Rolls dice] Uh, fifteen
Kyle: Cool so, yeah you slide the spoon after you’re testing it- you notice there’s a sturdiness behind it and it really like, cracks. There's like a crack sound to it that really like, makes it very percussive.
Goodrich: Say crack again.
Kyle: Crack, crack, crack!
Goodrich: I imagine, Raz’ul, Randy-
Kyle: Your passive perception would not notice this.
Goodrich: I would even say, when she’s like banging it we’re just kind of like, “it’s Yashee, she’s drumming on stuff-”
Spurrier: She’s feeling the spoons out, yeah.
Kyle: You notice that she’s testing the spoon, and then..there’s no spoon.
Goodrich: Yeah, there is no spoon.
Kyle: So, what do?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh yeah, let’s go check out over by the oasis, town crier zipped by here. I'm feeling pretty good, how about you Randy? How you feeling buddy?
Spurrier (as Randy): [Continued like he has a swollen tongue] Aw man, I'm ready.
Spurrier (as Randy): Leth do ith.
Kyle: So, you step out into the streets and everything after having eaten. You notice that everyone's gathered towards the oasis. It took you probably about like ten, fifteen minutes to eat. Most of the people that were in the tavern actually like, left and they left their breakfast and stuff.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Can- can we get up on your shoulders? Yashee? So that we can see.
Goodrich: Because I imagine we can’t see what’s going on.
Ali (as Yashee): Sure, come on up!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Can you handle-
Ali (as Yashee): Do you both wanna get up here or?
Spurrier (as Randy): Well, I can ride on your shoulders.
Goodrich: Oh, yes!
Ali (as Yashee): Alright.
Kyle: Be like, dog, cat, rat.
Ali: I’ll crouch down and letcha climb on.
Kyle: So yeah, I'm just gonna- that's gonna happen.
Spurrier: There is no rule for that.
Kyle: That is definitely happening. So, you three towering bards walk up and uh, Randy you’re at the top so you can definitely see, and Yashee you can see over most people. You all can see fairly well now. But, you see that there’s a man, and it’s the same man that was kind of leading the town meeting last night. He's in front of the oasis and he’s talking to everyone and he’s kind of, you know, the crowds been murmuring and he like, holds up his hands. He says-
Kyle (as Tony): [With slight Irish accent] I-I- I know, I don’t like it any more than you. I was raised here like many of you and if you think I'm not pissed about it then you don’t know me very well, which means you owe me a drink!
Kyle: And he kind of winks at everyone in the crowd and everyone starts kind of laughing and everything. But you hear somebody from the crowd yell out-
Kyle (as Crowd Person): [yelling] But Tony, what about your daughter Jenny? She could still be out there or at the bottom of that hole!
Kyle: The people start to rabble a little bit and everything, and uh-
Goodrich: Do we rabble?
[All repeat “rabble” together]
Kyle: And uh, he holds up his hands again and says-
Kyle (as Tony): I don’t want to say I've given up, but I still have Edie, Mary and Jimmy. I spoke with Mr. Stone from the B.O.I. earlier and explained the situation. He said while they’re down there, doing whatever it is they’re doing with the meteor- he said he’d look for her. And you need to realize, we lost the mine and that’s one thing. But losing the oasis? There's no living here now, and I'm not gonna ask any of you, who are basically family, I'm not gonna ask you to stick around to try to find my daughter who may be dead. And I'm not gonna risk the rest of my family, either. [Sighs] That’s- that’s all I'm gonna say about that.
Kyle: And he’s obviously stifling with emotion and everything. He kind of stops and shakes his head and he says-
Kyle (as Tony): [Sighs] That’s all I've got, everyone get your affairs in order and get ready to move. Thank you.
Goodrich: I look at you guys- and I don’t know how I would do that, I just-
Spurrier: I’ll put my head down.
Goodrich: Yeah put your head down, and I just say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh boiiiiii, that didn’t sound good.
Ali: I’m just clapping for the speech. [Clapping]
Kyle: You start clapping for the speech and everyone turns around and looks at you like-
Ali: Uh oh.
Goodrich: I knock you in the head like, stop it!
Ali (as Yashee): Sorry, I thought it was very well said.
Kyle: And they all kind of glare at you very, very like, upset. Just like, “what the hell is your problem?” and then they start to disperse. And at this time, you hear- you hear a kid say-
Kyle (as Child): Mommy! That’s him! That’s the scary man!
Goodrich: [In disbelief] Oh, my god!
Kyle (as Child): That’s the scary man up there!
Kyle: And you see a mom walk forward with these two kids, which you recognize to be the ones that you tried to perform for yesterday, and she’s staring up at you and she’s just like-
Kyle (as Mother): [Angry] Where do you get off trying to scare children in towns you’ve never been in before?
Goodrich: I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I don’t know what you’re talking about, lady.
Kyle (as Mother): Are you calling my children liars!? Do you hear this people? These strangers in our town are calling my children liars!
Kyle: And everyone starts to turn again and they’re all looking at you like, “do we have a problem?” somebody steps forward and is like-
Kyle (as Townsperson): Is there- is there a problem here?
Spurrier: And at this point, Randy does an acrobatics check off of the top of you, to land behind you and do a stealth check so I can be hidden-
Spurrier: From all of this nonsense. So-
Kyle: Go right ahead-
Spurrier: Acrobatics, that is a..sixteen plus nine, twenty-five.
Kyle: [Amused] Okay.
Spurrier: And then my stealth check, that is a thirteen plus nine, twenty-two.
Kyle: Okay, describe this to me please.
Spurrier: So, I just lean down to you, Raz’ul and I say-
Spurrier (as Randy): Uh, bye!
Spurrier: And I just roll backwards and spin and flip and kind of tuck myself into a little ball and land behind Yashee, and now I'm hidden.
Goodrich: Okay, and I stand up on Yashee’s shoulders now that Randy's off of my shoulders.
Goodrich: And I am going to cast minor illusion.
Goodrich: And uh, so the thing with minor illusion is I can create an image that’s no bigger than a five-foot cube and Raz’ul only stands four-foot something.
Goodrich: So, I'm going to create an illusion of me, and I'm gonna put it thirty-feet away from me but like, peeking out from the side of like, another building.
Kyle: Okay, tucked away in an alleyway?
Goodrich: Right so- so- So, to cast that I bring Usumptin down and I say uh-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Playing guitar, singing] It wasn’t Raz’ul, it wasn’t Raz’ul, it was a minor illusion. Mistaken for me.
Goodrich: And I point towards him and say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh no man, I think the guy you’re looking for is that guy over there.
Goodrich: And I point to the illusion of myself that I made peeking out from behind the crowd. I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): He’s the shifty guy that’s over there! You should go check him out!
Kyle: Okay. [Rolls dice] They all turn and are just like-
Kyle (as Child): Y-yeah mom, that is him!
Kyle: And they all turn and start walking towards the illusion.
Goodrich: Okay, and I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Guys, let’s book it. Now. We gotta get out of here. Let's go find that dude that was making that speech and see what’s up.
Kyle: As you’re all conferring about this, you notice as the crowd is moving you can actually see like, the dude who was making the speech, he’s still up there by the oasis- which, you can see him, you can see Dogum who’s standing there talking with him. You see a few other people standing around and you notice Symbol who is dressed up as Luey Hewis hanging out with this group of people as well-
Spurrier: Well, well, well! And Kyle, with his speech like talking about the oasis being over- does it look different? Or like, is it the same as it looked yesterday?
Kyle: Uh, you can’t tell from where you’re at-
Kyle: You might be able to tell once you’re a little bit closer.
Kyle: Unfortunately, you missed some details because you were eating.
Spurrier: Ah, right.
Kyle: Such is time.
Goodrich: Yeah, we all know how time works so great playing dungeons and dragons!
Spurrier: Oh also, is my tongue normal again? Or am I still-
Kyle: Yeah, yeah, the heat has subsided, so you’re good to go.
Spurrier: Okay, sweet. [Makes noises]
Goodrich: Yeah, let’s go over to Symbol, but I'm gonna stay on- on Yashee’s shoulders and just-
Goodrich: Walking over there-
Kyle: You’re not walking over there then.
Goodrich: Well right, so I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yashee! Hoo!
Goodrich: And I uh-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Like he’s marching] One, two, three, four and a- [continues on]
Ali (as Yashee): Really, dude?
Kyle: He’s like trying to move your shoulders to the- like a marching beat.
Ali: I just grab him and put him down and I'm like-
Ali (as Yashee): Stop that.
Goodrich: But then I just keep walking like that- and a hup, two, three, four-
Ali (as Yashee): Hey, we need to make sure that he stays undercover.
Ali: Are we even supposed to know who Louie Hewis is?
Kyle: You don’t know.
Ali (as Yashee): Alright so-
Kyle: You’re not sure-
Ali (as Yashee): Let’s be cool guys.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Cool, be cool.
Goodrich: Okay, well in that case I'm gonna walk up like this- [Starts snapping rhythmically]
Ali: I’ll join him. [Starts snapping as well]
Goodrich: [To the rhythm] Yashee, Yashee, crazy, Yashee- Turn down the juice Yashee.
Kyle: You start snapping and walking up, Symbol looks over and he like waves at you, and he covers his mouth and kind of like, snickers a little bit. And he just kind of waves you over a little bit but keeps looking back towards the conversation. So, as you’re approaching the grow, you know Dogum recognizes you, he turns and see you and gives you a hearty wave and everything. And Tony kind of looks at you, the guy who was giving the speech, he’s twisting his face trying to remember where he’s seen you before but once you get a little bit closer you notice that John Leremy, the official from the Bureau of Investigation-
Kyle: Yeah, from the BOI, he’s standing there with uh-
Goodrich: Can they please pronounce it Boiii-
Goodrich: Can we just go ahead and say that’s how they pronounce this bureau?
Goodrich: Whenever they say it, they just say-
Goodrich & Spurrier: Boiii!
Kyle: Yeah, it’ll be official from now on.
Kyle: But the other people- [laughs] But the other people that you notice- that you recognize are Trish “Boom Queen” Shareen, and Alphonse “Whimpy” Correa. They were at the bar last night and they’re just hanging around. Other than that, you notice an elven woman which a tattoo of a crescent moon that lines her right jawline. She's wearing a flowing purple and blue robe that kind of mimics the night sky, and you can see comets streaking across it every once in a while.
[Players sound impressed]
Kyle: There’s also a human woman with chestnut brown hair, she’s wearing a very woody garb and there’s a daisy that’s growing from a pile of dirt that sits on her shoulder. Next to her there’s a slouchy looking half-elf nearby, and he’s wearing a pack that looks like it might tip backwards if it not for the stack of books that he’s carrying in front of him acting as a counter weight. He’s wearing a pale, poufy armed garb that, you know, bureaucratic assistants wear. But he has square framed glasses that ride low on his nose, and next to him stands a bald dwarf with pitch black beard that has small gems that are worked into the braids that kind of peek out and this dwarf actually steps up as you’re approaching and he says-
Kyle (as Connor): [Heavy and deep Irish accent] Whoa, whoa, whoa! Right there’s good, this is official bureaucratic business we’re discussing so I’ll have to ask you to back up out of earshot.
Kyle: He pulls his pants up from his belt as he stands there and he eyes you three down, his gaze lingering for a moment on Raz’ul, and he nods his head at Raz’ul and he says-
Kyle (as Connor): I uh, I know you from somewhere, you got one of those faces uh-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That’s what everyone says.
Kyle (as Connor): Wait, wait, wait, wait..I know you. I know exactly who you are- oh man! I remember bouncing you out of the Hard Rock Café in Rocktee exactly twenty-eight years, two months and fourteen days ago! I remember your face looks like it does now! [Pauses] Yeah, just like that!
Kyle: He points and makes a face mocking you and laughing-
Goodrich: I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No dude, that’s the dude back behind [trying not to laugh] the building-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I keep tellin’ you folks, it’s this other guy! You keep getting me mixed up with him!
Kyle: He’s laughing and slapping his knee and uh, then Symbol chimes in and he just goes-
Kyle (as Symbol): Uh, Connor, Connor, those must be the bards that are meeting me here, you can let them on over.
Kyle: Connor is just kind of, laughing and slapping his knees like-
Kyle (as Connor): Ah, go on I guess if you’re here with him.
Goodrich: And I-
Kyle: He kind of wipes the tear from his eye and everything. You know, as you walk up you can actually start to hear John, he is talking to Tony and he’s telling Tony in a very reassuring manner, he’s saying-
Kyle (as John): Look, this is something I can do for you. You know, I can do this as a person, I'm not bound by the BOI-
Kyle (as John): To actually do everything else, but I can do this for you; and if I find anything in regards to your daughter I’ll bring back what I can. And if there’s any kind of clue as to what might have happened to the oasis- I can’t guarantee anything but, I'll go ahead and contact Sundance and let them know to uh, expect some refugees to show up and they’ll set up the uh- they'll set up the tents. We can at least be ready for your people, that’s about all I can do but I'm sorry for you and your town’s loss.
Spurrier: And while we’re listening to this, I just want to roll a perception to see what’s up with the oasis.
Spurrier: [Rolls dice] ten plus three.
Kyle: Yeah, you take a peek over and you see the oasis and you can see that it looks like it’s dried up. Can't see the water front anymore. You can see where it’s like, damp, but it looks like the oasis has been drained.
[Players sound shocked]
Spurrier: And there were fish and stuff in it, right?
Spurrier: Are there fish now?
Kyle: There are fish that are flopping around on the ground.
Spurrier: Ah, good. So yeah, I turn to them and go-
Spurrier (as Randy): Hey, guys! This is a little odd, check it out.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Surprised] Oh!
Ali (as Yashee): [Surprised] Oh, man.
Kyle: John kind of stops and he’s just like-
Kyle (as John): So, you are the three bards that were at the tavern last night, correct? I feel like I recognize you.
Spurrier (as Randy): We were jamming down with Fingerbones.
Goodrich: And I do the same thing we always do-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yup, Chaos Sauce, nice to meet you!
Goodrich: Hand him our card and say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): We do parties, weddings uh, you know give us a call. Symbol, he’s kind of our manager.
Kyle (as John): Okay..
Goodrich: I’m trying to make it sound big time, not that we’re students and since Symbol can’t say anything like-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Symbol, you remember Symbol? He’s a little washed up now but you know-
Goodrich: He’s trying to get his hand in kinda, you know.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Sorry, we just saw the oasis, realized the severity of it, realized now is not the time. However, we might be able to help out a little bit.
Kyle (as John): Well yes, I mean, that’s- yes, that’s uh, that’s what Luey Hewis was saying is that you were here more to document the going ons of this event. History is something important to preserve and the Bureau of Intelligence, or BOI, doesn’t handle that, it is important to be able to study that.
Kyle (as John): So, it has benefitted us to help save our history considering how much of it was lost many, many- nearly a millennia ago.
Kyle (as John): So, um-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): And how’s the BOI doing?
Kyle (as John): The BOI is doing quite well.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay.
Kyle (as John): We’re having you know, some successes and some advancement but I'm not at liberty to discuss in full detail. What we do need to figure out is uh, real quick, Jaffiney, if you have a moment. Send word over to the capital and let them know to prepare the tents.
Kyle: The elven woman with the moon tattoo nods and replies back-
Kyle (as Japhnnie): [Softer tone] It’s already done, John, I’ve got it.
Kyle: John turns to the woody woman and the assistant that’s in blue and says uh-
Kyle (as John): Layla, Jermaine, go ahead and uh, why don’t you go ahead to the site? We’ll be there as soon as we can. Just go ahead and get prepared for whatever we may have to do.
Kyle: Layla’s like-
Kyle (as Layla): [Soft tone] Oh yeah of course, absolutely, not a problem John. Come on, Jermaine.
Kyle: And uh, they begin to walk off towards the south. But John, you know, breathes in deeply and stretches and kind of turns back to you-
Kyle (as John): Okay so, one issue that I've had is there’s a person in town- I want them on this expedition. Mainly because of their proficiency in mining and understanding cavernous areas, which I have a feeling we’re going to be getting into. Her name is Erin Copland, and I haven’t been able to pin her down and the citizens of this fine town of Basom-
Kyle: As he looks over towards Whimpy and Boom Queen-
Kyle (as John): They don’t seem to care to help find her for me.
Kyle: You hear Boom Queen respond, she’s like-
Kyle (as Boom Queen): I’m sure as sandatee shit Erin wouldn’t set her drink down to lift a finger for you, so quit wasting your time, John.
Kyle: And uh, Johns just like-
Kyle (as John): See? Perhaps, since you’re bards, you are more charismatic. Perhaps you could do some coaxing for me and uh, first off find Erin, and second off convince her to do this.
Ali (as Yashee): Maybe we can ask uh, that Big Shot lady. She seemed to get pretty upset last night when uh, Erin’s name was mentioned. Maybe they were friends or something.
Kyle (as John): That might be actually a good start. So, the quicker you can get her on our side the sooner we can get out to the site and see what’s actually going on. You can document your history, I'm sure get a good grade, or whatever it is they do over at Strumlotts.
Kyle (as John): Um, and impress your teacher.
Spurrier (as Randy): Well, alright.
Spurrier: Do we see Big Shot around?
Kyle: Give me a perception check.
[Multiple dice rolling]
Spurrier: That is a sixteen plus three.
Goodrich: Three plus five.
Ali: Oh, mines a seven.
Kyle: No, you look around and she is not in the immediate vicinity.
Goodrich: [Sighs] Well, fiddlesticks. Um, can I turn to Whimpy and Boom Queen and just ask them-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uh, hey you guys maybe wanna help us do some diligence and uh, help us find Erin, maybe?
Spurrier (as Randy): Or at least point us in the right direction. You don’t have to do anything.
Kyle (as Whimpy): You’re trying to find Erin, I mean- [sighs]
Kyle: Whimpy steps forward as he’s rubbing his neck and looks at you and he says-
Kyle (as Whimpy): You three helped out Fibblewix McFlibbs, right?
Spurrier (as Randy): His new stage name is Fingerbones.
Kyle (as Whimpy) That’s much better.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right? Right?
Kyle (as Whimpy): Fingerbones, it flows.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Awesome.
Kyle (as Whimpy): More than likely you’ll find Erin either behind the bar passed out; the tavern we were at last night, or walk by any open alleyway and she might just stumble out into you trying to get a drink.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right, and just to be sure we’re on the same page, so Erin is A.K.Aed as Big Shot around here, right?
Kyle (as Whimpy): Ah, it’s kind of a town name for her.
Kyle (as Whimpy): She seems to take to it very well unfortunately.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right, well there you go.
Ali (as Yashee): So, she does know Big Shot?
Kyle (as Whimpy): [Pauses ]..Yes, I would say very well.
Ali (as Yashee): They know each other?
Spurrier (as Randy): On the deepest level possible, Yashee.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeaaah.
Spurrier (as Randy): Don’t you worry, Yashee.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeaah.
Goodrich: So, I guess- Kyle, can we just go back inside the tavern and check behind the bar? Real quick?
Kyle: Mkay, so you walk inside the tavern and Dewey’s you know, going around and he’s still serving up some breakfast and stuff like that. He says uh-
Kyle (as Dewey): Ah, welcome back! Uh, give me a minute and I’ll give you a hand if you need it-
Spurrier (as Randy): You haven’t seen anyone passed out, have you?
Kyle (as Dewey): No, it’s- well, I mean there’s always one, right?
Spurrier (as Randy): Well, yeah.
Kyle (as Dewey): Haven’t seen her around though-
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh.
Kyle: (as Dewey): Um-
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, we need to ask her if she knows this lady.
Kyle (as Dewey): Who?
Ali (as Yashee): Big Shot!
Kyle (as Dewey): Oh!
Ali (as Yashee): You know.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Kyle (as Dewey): Well, take a look, maybe she crawled in under the bar behind there somewhere, I don’t know-
Spurrier: I’m gonna go investigate behind the bar!
Goodrich: Me too!
[Multiple dice rolling]
Goodrich: Ali, do you wanna roll?
Ali: I’m actually just gonna go and kinda reach over the bar and start filling up with like-
Ali: Ale, something, just so you can hear the spout going.
Goodrich: I got an eighteen plus uh, five.
Spurrier: I got a sixteen plus one.
Kyle: Okay so uh, you two start from opposite ends of the bar and you start going through everything, and you’re getting to the middle part and there’s like a big opening underneath the bar where it looks like there’s a lot of like, table clothes and stuff? And you know, it kind of looks like, hap-hazardly put in there, they don’t look very like well folded or anything. And, as you’re getting- starting to look at that, you see Yashee’s arm go over both of your heads and just grab a tavern tab, pull it and starts unloading beer and then this face comes out from the blanket area-
Kyle: -and Big Shot just like, half awoken kind of face with a big smile on it, and you see an arm shoot out with a glass and gets in the way of Yashee’s and starts filling up, and she’s just like-
Kyle (as Big Shot): [Groggy] It’s morning, isn’t it?
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah!
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah!
Ali (as Yashee): Here we are!
Spurrier (as Randy): Hello!
Kyle: And she like, eyes at you two and looks up at the arm and she’s like-
Kyle (as Big Shot): I recognize you two from somewhere...You’re the um, [inhales sharply] bards.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That’s the one-
Ali (as Yashee): Yup!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That’s the ticket!
Kyle (as Big Shot): Yeah!
Kyle: And she kind of crawls out and she’s like-
Kyle (as Big Shot): Get outta my way, gonna stand up.
Kyle: She stands up and kind of dusts herself off, and Dewey kind of turns and is just like-
Kyle (as Dewey): [Angry] Big Shot, what have I told you about getting back there and falling asleep? Y-you [sighs] I don’t know what to do with you, I'm glad they paid off your tab, whatever.
Kyle: And he turns back and he starts doing his normal thing.
Kyle: And uh-
Goodrich: Well- so, I turn to Big Shot and say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, so as you may have heard we did pay off your tab last night. Soo, uh what would you say to helping us out? Since we kind of helped you out a little bit.
Kyle (as Big Shot): I can tell you right now since you paid off my tab, I feel like it’s maybe me who owes you a drink. Dewey’s got like the normal stock here but I’ve got a morning mango mimosa that can tie on really nice if you’d like to go have one.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Where was that at?
Kyle (as Big Shot): My place.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, at your place? Oh! Then yeah, let’s go!
Kyle: Alright, so she starts like sauntering out of the bar, swaying a little bit. She's talking-
Kyle (as Big Shot): Yeah, it’s just down the road here this way-
Kyle: And you walk, take a couple turns through an alley- roll a dexterity save- no, I'm joking.
Kyle: There’s another falling boulder from nowhere!
Goodrich: Aw, jeez!
Kyle: No uh, that chaos is over-
Ali: It followed us!
Kyle: It’s just been floating overhead like, [In a deep silly voice] “I’m gonna get them eventually! I’m gonna get those rascally bards!”
Kyle: But no, she leads you around town for like, just a few minutes then comes up to this pretty nice-looking house, you know, in comparison to some of the other ones. You notice that there’s an upstairs window that’s broken out. She walks up to the front door and starts rifling through her pockets and produces a key, sticks the key in and turns it and she’s like-
Kyle (as Big Shot): Just right in here.
Kyle: She starts pushing on the door and she’s putting a lot of force behind it. She’s barely gets it open and as she’s opening it [clanking of glass bottles] you can just hear like, the crinkling of bottles like, banging against each other and stuff like that-
Goodrich: [Softly] Oh..
Kyle: It’s like the door is just pushing a pile of bottles out of the way. And she gets it like halfway open and she like, slides in.
Ali: [Surprised] Oh!
Kyle: And she’s like-
Kyle (as Big Shot): Yeah, come on in.
Ali (as Yashee): Great!
Kyle: Alright, so ya’ll walk in to a house that would be pretty nice if it weren’t for all the layers of dust and collection of bottles all on the ground. The smell of alcohol is actually more pungent than any tavern you’ve ever been in and you see that there’s like, different paintings on the walls and stuff that look really old and cobweb covered and everything. But, you notice they look like family portraits and it’s like a younger version of her with like, a man and a child. There’s different pictures of them being like deep in mines wearing hard hats and everything and smiling with dirt on their face. They look like a really happy family, and then there’s pictures of them like, swimming in a big lake- obviously not the oasis in town, but they’re just out doing things out in the world. Big Shot is sauntering over to the couch and kind of lies down on the couch and starts fishing lazily through the sea of bottles that’s near the sofa, seeing how full they are and everything. And she looks at you three, she’s like-
Kyle (as Big Shot): Okay so- I'll eventually find enough to make these- [mumbles] not that one-
Kyle: She throws a bottle down. She lifts up another one-
Kyle (as Big Shot): But while I look, why are you three here actually talking to me?
Ali (as Yashee): Oh yeah! Well, do you happen to know this lady named Erin?
Ali (as Yashee): Erin Copeland?
Kyle (as Big Shot): I- I knew-
Ali (as Yashee): It’s said you might know of her or seen each other?
Spurrier: “That’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time.”
Goodrich: A long time.
Kyle: No, she looks at you and she’s like-
Kyle (as Big Shot): Well uh, some people say they knew her. I’d say I know her.. Cause I am her.
Ali (as Yashee): [Shocked] What!?
Ali (as Yashee): They’re the same person, guys!
Goodrich: I just- I just pat you on the arm.
Ali (as Yashee): I feel like somebody could have told us this earlier.
Kyle: And uh, Erin kind of laughs and chuckles and she’s like-
Kyle (as Big Shot): Uh, you’re probably really fun to drink with. Which speaking of which-
Kyle: She continues fishing around and she’s like-
Kyle (as Big Shot): Yeah so uh, I'm Erin Copeland or some people tell you that I'm not anymore, which is fine. I don’t need to be.
Spurrier (as Randy): And why is that?
Kyle (as Big Shot): I don’t need anybody else's blood on my hands. Um, I don’t- [sighs] It's always really rough to talk about. You ever lose family? Anybody in your family die?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah.
Spurrier (as Randy): Lost in a sense.
Kyle (as Big Shot): Was it your fault?
Ali (as Yashee): No.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I don’t think so.
Spurrier (as Randy): Kind of?
Kyle (as Big Shot): Okay well, then maybe you can understand little man but uh, I used to be the proprietor of the mine here in town. You know, I was good at it! I figured out new- different caverns and different ores, just had a nose for it. And one day you know, I got cocky and uh, I'm lucky uh- Boom Queen is still around, and poor Dewey got caught up in it and- I got cocky. And I thought we could make a blast, make a new cavern, find more, and it didn’t work out. There was a patch of natural gas that was trapped underneath the surface of where we were blasting and uh, we didn’t know it. That's why I hold my drink hard, cause as long as I'm like this nobody is gonna want my hand on their life. And I think that’s perfectly fine for me if it’s fine for them, and I think it’s right.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, what if they wanted your hand back in their life? To help them out again?
Kyle (as Big Shot): As long as it’s not in that capacity, and I know that that’s what that BOI man wants.
Spurrier (as Randy): Do you know exactly what that BOi man wants you to even do? Have you even talked to him?
Kyle (as Big Shot): I know he wants me to go underground for some reason or whatever may be happening with that meteor, he anticipates that he may need my proficiency and I just don’t think my proficiency is up to snuff to be able to provide him with the safety that he thinks he deserves.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well listen, we’ve only been here about a day and it seems to me the only thing you’re known for being proficient around here is getting your hooch on and-
Kyle (as Big Shot): That’s right.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I mean, I dunno! Seems like you had a real talent before and they just want you to help out again and I think you could help a lot of people out. I mean, how many people are you helping out with all this dranking you’re doing? This hooching ain’t good for you either and everyone else, you know-
Kyle (as Big Shot): I guess Philip Sand got the best out of that, I sold him the mine and he already owns the glassworks so.
Spurrier: So, I turn to Erin and I say-
Spurrier (as Randy): Uh Erin, can you give us one second? We’re gonna let you make those sweet, sweet drinks.
Kyle (as Big Shot): Oh sure, absolutely! Give me a second here and you know, don’t mind the mess.
Spurrier: I motion for you guys to come over-
Spurrier (as Randy): Maybe, you know, we’ve got drinking songs what if we could make like an anti-drinking song? And get her all like, pumped up.
Spurrier (as Randy): Like, sober it up.
Ali (as Yashee): Back to work mining song?
Kyle: And don’t drink!
Spurrier: Yeah, pretty much.
Goodrich: I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, cause I'm not drinking whatever she calls a mimosa. That is for sure.
Spurrier (as Randy): And you dwarves will drink about just anything.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, well- [laughs]
Spurrier (as Randy): Disgusting.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey!
Goodrich: Yeah well I say, you know-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Our songs have worked out pretty well getting stuff done in the past.
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, let’s see if we can convince her to help.
Spurrier (as Randy): Maybe sober up just a tiny bit.
Kyle: [Chuckles] Okay, so you want to do an encouraging song? Is that’s what’s going down?
Kyle: Then let’s roll some chord dice.
[Electronic music plays]
Kyle: Alright so, let’s roll some chord dice- but before we do you need to choose if you’ll be playing in minor-
Kyle: Or a major.
Kyle: To keep up the uh, tension.
Spurrier: Now we’ve got those skills!
Ali: Guess it’s gonna be like uh, try to be uplifting, right?
[Other players agree]
Goodrich: So maybe go major?
Spurrier: Major seems the most logical, yeah.
Goodrich: Let’s do it!
Kyle: Alright, roll it up.
[Multiple dice rolling]
Goodrich: And I got A minors [laughs]
Ali: I got a G!
Goodrich: Oh, there you go!
Kyle: I got an F.
Spurrier: And I got an E minor.
Goodrich: Whooa, so C, G, F, A minor and E minor- [gasps] We have one, six, four and five!
Kyle: And three.
Goodrich: And three! Oh my gosh, wow!
Ali: Lucky day.
Kyle: You better do good with this one.
Goodrich: Yeah, but before we do..
Kyle: Let’s roll-
Goodrich: Ali, drum roll please.
Kyle: [Chuckles] Oh, yes.
Ali: I’m never prepared. [Coin hits the table] Alright, so that is tales!
Ali: [Rolls dice] Alright so, ten.
Ali: Ooh, it’s gonna be techno three.
Goodrich: We’ve had so many techno rolls, it’s like-
Spurrier: Yeah, but it’s gonna get them all pumped up though.
Spurrier: She’s gonna not be drunk really soon!
Goodrich: Huuu, get the blood flowing, metabolize.
Kyle: Really sweat it out.
Ali: Well, at least we have uh, eighty-one, which is techno four on the kit.
Goodrich: Oh, jeez.
Ali: So, uh-
Kyle: Man, maybe we’ve been doing the wrong genres of music all along.
Kyle: Maybe techno is really Lindby’s calling.
Goodrich: [Sighs] Yeah well, maybe!
Kyle: Well, we’ll find out soon enough! Listener, talk to you in a second.
Kyle: Hey everyone, it’s your Dungeon Maestro Kyle! Just wanted to thank you again for listening and hanging out with us. If you wanna catch this stuff in between episodes follow us on social media by searching @BomBARDedcast, and if you share our adventure be sure to use the hashtag #bardcast when you do. You can subscribe to us whereever you find podcasts and if you’re listening through Apple Podcast you can drop us a rating and a review and we’d really appreciate it.
If you want to check out the band behind Chaos Sauce check out lindbymusic.com or lindby.bandcamp.com. Lindby is spelled L-I-N-D-B-Y.
Alright, and we are FINALLY going to be releasing Chaos Sauce album volume one, that’s going to be coming to you on March 27th and we are going to be posting the artwork a little early, which that artwork is by Sam Beck who you can follow @_twothirty, and that’s two thirty spelled out. We're very stoked about it. So uh, you can check out Sam’s artwork on any social media, just search that handle. Also coming down the pipe line in April, we know we have the OST coming and uh, that might be late April? But Spurrier and Goodrich are still rifling through that, getting that ready for you.
So, coming back to us we have Silver Age, a new superhero web comic set in the north east USA. Follow Silver Age as he battles robots, mutants, flame wielding assassins and above all else, homework. Silver Age is a queued homage to the silver age of web comics and is filled with action, humor and heart. You can find all the pages and updates at silveragewebcomic.tumblr.com and Matt posts those three times a week- Sunday, Wednesday and Friday at 1pm Eastern Standard Time. You can find Matt @inkstainsjacket on Twitter.
Well, that’s all I have! Uh, now that all that’s behind us here’s the path back to the show, and regardless of what that man says, be sure to go left.
Ali: So, I turn around to Erin and say-
Ali (as Yashee): Hey Erin, you know, listen to this!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, we wrote something for ya.
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah!
Kyle (as Big Shot): Oh awesome, I like a song while making drinks.
[Drums begin, guitar and piano join in for a slow techno beat]
Goodrich & Ali (singing): Close your eyes, you’re in disguise. You say you got some history, and that’s no mystery. You numb the pain, to keep you sane. You tell us you’re a big shot, but that’s not right. Oh Erin, you know, it’s another day and you can find a way- Oh Erin, to grow. And you can be more than what they see. That your bottles are broken, your demons awoken and Erin’s gone away. But we know you’re in there, and deep down you still care, if Basom fades away.
Spurrier (singing): What do you say?
Kyle: So, as you’re performing your song Erin is making up drinks and just- kinda just stops at a certain point and sets the bottles down and puts her hands on the table that she’s making these drinks at and leans forward, and her hair falls forward and kind of blocks out her face, but you can see the tears dripping from her nose and her chin. You wrap up the song and Randy you wrap up by saying, “what do you say?” and she kinda doesn’t turn to you and she starts, she’s like-
Kyle (as Big Shot): [Sniffs] You wanna know what I say, Randy?
Kyle: And then she turns and looks, and you can just see the tears streaming down her face, she’s like-
Kyle (as Big Shot): You know, there’s truth in your words and you really struck a chord with me.
[Players chuckle softly]
Kyle (as Big Shot): I was really on the verge of just maybe you know, moving with the rest of everyone, but I think- I think you might be right and..maybe I need to stop holding myself so hardly.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I mean, I know that you were worried about people that accidently got hurt before but-
Kyle (as Big Shot): Mhm.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): They’re about to enter a whole new world of hurt if they gotta leave the town, I mean..
Spurrier (as Randy): The whole town is in a whole world of hurt.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Spurrier (as Randy): It’s not just a couple anymore.
Kyle (as Big Shot): Yeah, I mean that’s- that’s true, and that’s something that- you know, ever since finding out last night, which- here, lemme just- lemme- lemme just ask you a real quick question before I get into any more details about what I know. Um, are you bureau employees? Are you here with that man from the BOI?
Spurrier (as Randy): No.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Nah, we’re just kids from school, B-big-
Ali (as Yashee): B-big shot?
Kyle (as Big Shot): You can call me Erin.
Kyle (as Big Shot): Or you can call me Big Shot, that’s fine.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Nah, we’re just kids from school, Erin, you know.
Kyle (as Big Shot): Yeah, well okay, I just wanted to make sure. So, that’s- that’s a good thing. So, you’re not beholding to their whims so uh, that really lets me know what kind of people you are if uh, gimmie one second.
Kyle: And she walks over to a desk and grabs a large rolled up parchment. She comes back over and she clears off the coffee table of all the bottles and everything and unfurls a giant map of the area in front of you. She looks at you three and is like-
Kyle (as Big Shot): Okay, so last night I fell asleep in the alley that I bumped into you three yesterday and there was scream that woke me up.
Ali (as Yashee): She said she bumped into us that time!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So, you owe us a drink!
Ali (as Yashee): Told you!
Kyle (as Big Shot): No, you got me that drink, Dewey told me that you took care of my tab.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No, you owe us a drink if it’s you that bumped into us.
Kyle (as Big Shot): Oh! Oh yeah that’s- see? You’re learning the ways. That’s right, that’s right. So anyway, I heard someone scream and it woke me up and you know, next thing I know I see little Dogum. He's running towards Tony’s house stammering about all the water being gone and you know, just running down the road in his underwear and I thought, maybe he’s hit the bottle a little more than me tonight.
Kyle (as Big Shot): So I wasn’t sure. So I checked it out and sure enough it’s like Altonia herself stuck a straw in that thing and sucked it dry. So, I ran home and I did the head work.
Kyle: She points out slightly south of where the mines are on the map, she says-
Kyle (as Big Shot): Okay, about here is where we redirected water about thirteen years ago or so? And that was so we could tunnel a little bit deeper into the mine, and based on what I know about this area I’m more than positive that this sky boulder has caused some sort of structural damage near the source of water. Long story short, if I go down there, I’m gonna look for this area, and you’re gonna help me locate it. And if we can do something about it, you’re gonna help me there too. Agreed?
Ali (as Yashee): Let’s do it!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Sounds good!
Kyle (as Big Shot): Cool, that’s good to know, but we have one person to visit before we got out because, it’s just a close friend of mine who's been having troubles ever since this meteor came down. When we get there, you’ll know exactly what you need to do. If you really want my help, help this townsperson, just this one last one and then we can get on our way. How's that sound?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, it sounds good.
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, sure.
Spurrier (as Randy): Mhm!
Kyle (as Big Shot): Awesome, I know the they’ll appreciate it.
Kyle: So, she gets up, she opens up a closet near the front door and grabs a super dusty old backpack from inside. She sweeps away cobwebs and dust and everything like that and clears it off, and she looks in your direction and says-
Kyle (as Big Shot): Alright, lets get!
[Theme song plays]
Transcripts by: Gabi Cardone@peachdoodles – Twitter