Ep. 12 – A Basom con Spirito!
[Theme song plays]
Kyle: Hey everyone, welcome back to BomBARDed! Let's recap last episode real quick. So, we started off with the bards having to escape from a collapsing tower, however that collapsing tower caused a chain reaction of collapsing buildings and a chase ensued- more of the bards running away from this uh, entire collapsing area. So, Symbol lead them through this town the best he could; Raz’ul morphed into a giant toad-
Goodrich: And Mitch, too Kyle!
Kyle: Oh yeah, there was Mitch there too.
Kyle: Mitch was running with Symbol, they were ahead of the group leading. Raz’ul turned into a giant toad, which Randy decided to ride atop. The trio ran through the town and they got their way through many obstacles, like avoiding collapsing buildings, boulders being flung from buildings crashing together, stampeding groups of jackal-weres, fruit carts, of course! You gotta have those-
Kyle: In any kind of running through a city, or chase. Uh, you got some back-alley barrel mazes, buckets of refuse being poured into the street and uh, ending in one of the most epic log rolling scenes I've ever been privy to be part of.
Kyle: Raz’ul with Yashee and Randy on his back was able to wall jump onto a tower that was rolling down a street. The tower began to crumble-
Kyle: Which ended up them being able to surf down a sandy hill to the edge of town. They met up again with Symbol and Mitch at the end of town and uh, the horse and carriage were speeding towards the group wildly not being controlled. But, Raz’ul did a little speaking with animals and got to know Flotsam a little bit-
Goodrich: [Happily] Yeah.
Kyle: At this point Symbol came over and asked our bards, maybe you should write a song about this and you know, make sure people should know about this event. It’s kind of- kind of crazy what happened-
Goodrich: This unknown town which apparently has no history what so ever-
Goodrich: And no one knows exists!
Kyle: Well that’s the thing, documenting history, that’s your job as bards.
Goodrich: That’s true.
Kyle: You want to document everything that happens and this is something to be weary of if somebody were to come back in this area even though you destroyed it.
Goodrich: This definitely should go in our little notebooks.
Goodrich: Discovered lost city, promptly destroyed it!
Kyle: So, you were about to play the song that Symbol had been talking to you guys writing and then Reginald Brown showed up with your packages from Ema Zahn-
Spurrier: [Softly] Hurray.
Kyle: Randy and Yashee, you remember what you got right?
Ali: [Hesitant] Uh, yeah!
Kyle: [Pauses] What did you get?
Spurrier: I got cheaters dice.
Ali: I got uh, a second bassinator-
Ali: And a potion, a divination potion.
Kyle: Very good!
Spurrier: Ding, ding, ding!
Ali: She didn’t have anything in her store-
Goodrich: Also, why is a school selling cheaters dice? It seems-
Spurrier: I’m not using them on tests or anything.
Goodrich: Well, as far as we know.
Kyle: We’ll see, only time will tell. With Reginald Brown being there, Symbol had decided that you should actually play the song for Reginald. Unfortunately, the song that you wrote didn’t really give off the kind of vibe that goes along with like, one of our party got kidnapped-
Kyle: And we were in danger so, let’s write a jaunty tune. Which Symbol had a plan for resolving that for future methods, which we’re actually gonna cover starting in this episode. So, let’s go ahead and pick up- you all are getting ready to get back in the carriage, head off back in the direction of Basom, according to Mitch. So, you all pack in-
Goodrich: As far as you freakin’ know-
Goodrich: We’re going to Basom, jeez.
Kyle: Who knows! Mitch is driving; he’s wild, man!
Goodrich: He’s a loose cannon!
Kyle: So yeah, you get settled into the carriage and Symbol says-
Kyle (as Symbol): Okay so, what I was going to talk to you about was the use of major versus minor keys. So, for every major key there is a relative minor. A minor key that shares the same key signature. So, for example, the relative minor to the key of C major is A minor.
[Piano plays a few notes]
Kyle (as Symbol): While a minor-
[Notes continue on]
Kyle (as Symbol): Yes, that’s-
[Continues up and down the keys]
Kyle (as Symbol): There you go.
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, okay!
Kyle (as Symbol): Great example, Randy. Thank you very much. Um,
Goodrich: Using those cheaters dice.
Goodrich: Looking ahead.
Kyle (as Symbol): So, keep that in mind going forward, If ever any opportunity arises that you need to maybe make something a little more foreboding, or sad sounding-
Goodrich: [Softly] More sad-
Kyle (as Symbol): You know, change the mood you know? You can use this-
[Twinkle twinkle little starts plays but in a minor key]
Kyle (as Symbol): You can play in a minor instead of a major.
[Song flurries to a finish]
Kyle (as Symbol): Yes-
Ali (as Yashee): Did you just write that? It's beautiful
Spurrier (as Randy): It’s a halfling folk song, it’s been around for ages.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): By Wolfgang Greentrees-
Spurrier (as Randy): Yes!
Kyle: You talk about this for a little bit as the carriage is rolling on and eventually you get to a point where you get to rest a little bit. Maybe not sleep good cause it’s still in like, the afternoon time?
Kyle: But you travel for a good while and its many hours but eventually you hear Mitch say-
Goodrich: Which is many hours like, a long rest many hours?
[Players sigh in relief and thank Kyle]
Kyle: Yes, it is, so go ahead and, yeah- put your hit points back to full. Spells slots, do all that biz and get ready.
Goodrich: Yeah, and really quick going forward, I realized that I had been subbing my proficiency bonus for my actual bonus in a skill so like-
Kyle: Oh, that’s not good.
Ali: [Giggles] Oh no-
Goodrich: So, for instance my wisdom is plus two, my charisma is plus two and I’ve been doing plus three instead- instead of adding plus three plus two. So-
Kyle: Does that mean you would have done better on those deception checks?
Goodrich: Yeah, pretty much!
Goodrich: I’ve been playing with a handicap this whole time!
Kyle: Oh man, which speaking of deception checks I'm pretty sure you need to write down in your flaws section that you are a pathological liar.
Goodrich: [Pauses] Who, me?
Ali: I think time has told that.
Kyle: I think Raz’ul is a pathological liar and that’s something that you’ve played into.
Kyle: So, go ahead and write that in your flaws.
Goodrich: Write down-
Kyle: I’ve thought about it.
Goodrich: Have successfully tricked Kyle into pathological lying Raz’ul.
Goodrich: Fantastic! Okay, just so we know going forward so when you hear me say a plus five or something like that, that ones on me but-
Kyle: You hear Mitch call out and uh, he says-
Kyle (as Mitch): [Yelling] Guys, I think we’re actually there! Why don‘t you guys take a look, check it out!
Goodrich: [Groaning] Alright-
Ali: I’d like to look for like a “Welcome to Basom” sign.
Goodrich: Does Basom fade like, fade onto the screen- the loading screen, the save icon comes up [laughs].
Kyle: You look on top of a hill and like the Hollywood sign it says, “Basom.”
Ali: Oh, thank god-
Goodrich: Thank goodness.
Kyle: You know for sure, but no- you look out and it’s close to dusk. There's a glowing coming further south like, passed the town. You can see the town and you see adobe homes with staircases on the outside leading to like roof decks. They're covered by multi-colored material and blankets and stuff like that. Basically, just small adobe buildings that are circled around this oasis. So, there are a few people still in the streets you can see, and as the cart gets closer into town you start to, you know, get into the heart of the town and it comes to the circle that’s around the oasis. So, Symbol looks at you three and he knocks on the carriage wall and the carriage stops and he looks at you and says-
Kyle (as Symbol): Okay, I have to drop you off here cause-
Kyle (as Symbol): People were expecting Luey Hewis-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Can you drop us further down so we don’t get embarrassed?
Kyle (as Symbol): No, you’re in the middle of the town at the oasis-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I don’t want them all to see us getting dropped off!
Kyle (as Symbol): Uh- oh okay I see!
Kyle (as Symbol): I see- well, you’re not getting dropped off at school luckily, so it’ll be fine. But again, try to be nice, again these people are not fans of outsiders from my last recollection so, try not to find yourself on the wrong end of an argument. Furthermore, I want you to secure lodging for yourselves. I don’t care where, take this piece of paper-
Kyle: And he hands you a rolled-up scroll that’s sealed with a wax symbol and everything on it.
Goodrich: Is it his symbol or-
Spurrier: Symbol’s symbol?
Kyle: It’s got a big “S” on it so-
Goodrich & Spurrier: Splash-
Ali: Splash- [Starts laughing]
[All burst out laughing]
Kyle: Maybe! So uh, and he tells you-
Kyle (as Symbol): Hand them this piece of paper to get signed. There's a tavern on the west side of town, if you want to go down the main road here and check out that. I believe it’s called The No Named Horse, you can see if you can get lodging there. And remember you’re here to gather information from anyone who has it about the meteor. Which should be a good challenge considering the peoples demeanors. So, you’re bards, you should be able to handle it or use this opportunity to improve your investigation skills. You know, really learn to rub an elbow and grease a palm if you have to. So, I'll contact you in the morning about where to meet and remember you’re with Luey Hewis, not Symbol.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right-
Kyle (as Symbol): I’m not supposed to be here.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right.
Kyle (as Symbol): So, don’t go yapping!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well, you’re not even gonna be here anyways, I mean-
Kyle: (as Symbol): I’m not here, you’re right.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Where you gonna be while we’re doing this?
Kyle (as Symbol): The people who are here to investigate the meteor site, which you’ll be meeting tomorrow, they’re expecting Luey today so uh- and while you’re out and about keep an ear out for anyone going by the names Whimpy or Boom Queen. They’re supposedly part of the crew that’ll be investigating the meteor site, they’re actually from the town and I'm meeting some of the bureaucrats that came in from Sundance. So, uh- go. Get out.
[Players act like they’re rushing away]
Kyle (as Symbol): I’ll see you later.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Bye, Splash!
Spurrier (as Randy): Bye!
Kyle: Okay, so you step out into this small desert town built around the oasis and the carriage starts to take off down the road further. And uh, you’re in the center of town standing at the oasis. You see a few people making their way through the streets, street merchants are closing down their shops for the day and you see a few kids that are playing tag close to the water where an old dwarf sits fishing quietly with a wry smile on his face. There are two primary roads that run north and south, east and west, they meet in the circle around the oasis- and again you can still see that glow even though you don’t have the vantage point you did coming into town, you can still see a glow coming in from the south and it gets brighter as the sun goes down.
Spurrier: [Curiously] Huh.
Kyle: So, you hear the rabble of a tavern coming from the west, which is the direction Symbol was telling you it would be and uh, you guys can go from there. What do you want to do?
Goodrich: I think I might go perform for the kids, maybe do some like prestidigitation in exchange for info? Like, birthday clown style or something?
Kyle: Okay so you’re gonna-
Goodrich: What do you guys wanna do?
Ali: You said there was an old man fishing-
Kyle: There’s an old- old dwarf fishing at the oasis.
Ali: I might go and sit next to him and see if he’s caught anything- see if uh, he has any fish to sell or um, maybe just hang out.
Ali: I like fishing. [Giggles]
Kyle: Anything from Randy?
Spurrier: I think I might cast my mage hand in the water to make think he’s got a bite.
Spurrier: But then he doesn’t.
Spurrier: And then I yank his pole in.
Kyle: Alright so uh, so I'll start with Raz’ul in this scene. What do you say or do as you approach these children?
Goodrich: Right, so you said- what did you say they were doing? Playing with-
Kyle: They’re playing tag.
Goodrich: They’re- [chuckles]
Ali: Minding their own business.
Goodrich: [Laughing] Don’t make me feel bad, I just want to hang out with some cool kids! I’m like- I feel young at heart. [Sighs] Aw jeez, well I go over there and I- [laughs]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hello there, children!
Kyle: They look scared, they look at you and just like, “Uhh” and start backing up-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No! No, no, no wait!
Goodrich: I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Singing and playing guitar] Oh ho, ho it’s magic- [laughs] you know. Never believe it’s not so, children! It’s magic you know, never believe it’s not so! [Music stops]
Goodrich: And I you know I'm putting out little, little prestidigitation stuff! Like uh, shower of sparks and- you know, just like hey let’s have some fun and it’s great! [Rolls dice]
Spurrier: Trying to get your Gandalf on.
Goodrich: Yeah, exactly!
Kyle: They get freaked out and run!
Ali: Oh, no! This is not a magical town!
Kyle (as Child): Mom! Dad! No!
Kyle: And they run away in fear.
Goodrich: [Sighs] Well-
Ali (as Yashee): Could have gone either way man-
Goodrich: That’s true!
Kyle: Um so-
Goodrich: Raz’ul just hangs his head and says “aw.” I rejoin them, I guess!
Kyle: Yeah you do this and uh, you turn around to see Yashee walking over to the dwarf fishing by the oasis. Yashee, as you approach the smell of fish just overwhelms your nose, I mean this guy-
Ali: You mean like, good smell-
Kyle: No, I mean it smells like dead fish-
Ali: Dead fish?
Kyle: Yeah, it kind of smells like... fish. Just in general. He looks up at you and it’s this really old dwarf, weathered face and everything, and he’s wearing this armor that has a symbol on it- basically like a fish looking upwards. He looks up at you and he says-
Kyle (as Old Dwarf): [With a gruff and slightly Irish accent] Well hello young lady, what brings ya around these parts? You come to fish and hear the word of Fish-tus?
Ali (as Yashee): Oh! I came for the first part, fishing. But, if you wanna talk to me while I’m checking out your fish.
Kyle (as Old Dwarf): Yeah, absolutely! I have a lot to share, I'm actually an old retired cleric of the church of Fish-tus and uh, you know one of the things we live by is La-Fishtic-us 1611; don’t burn bridges where you can fish from them.
Ali (as Yashee): Oh wow! I think I've heard of Fish-tus before, I traveled a lot as a kid but I never heard a lot about it so uh- cool!
Kyle (as Old Dwarf): Well have a sit on down-
Ali (as Yashee): Sure! Can I borrow your pole? Do you have another one?
Kyle (as Old Dwarf): You know, if you want to take my pole go right ahead!
Ali: Okay, sweet.
Kyle: And he hands you the pole and at this point, Randy, your mage hand is going in and as soon as you grab hold of it there’s a tug and he goes-
Kyle (as Old Dwarf): Oh ay’ lass, you got one on there right away! Go on and pull it in and fill the bounty of Fish-tus!
Ali: Alright, so I start yanking it back. Do I need to make a strength roll?
Kyle: Yeah, go ahead and roll me a strength roll and we’ll say Randy that’ll be against your spell save-
Kyle: For the really weird alteration of rules but that’ll work for it.
Ali: Okay well, I rolled a thirteen.
Kyle: What’s the spell save?
Spurrier: For rogue it’s eleven.
Kyle: Alright yeah so, you pull and it’s like just a empty hook, there’s nothing on it.
Goodrich: I’m just splashing around in the water like, “this just isn’t my day!”
Kyle: He’s not around.
Goodrich: No, I walked back over to them I said.
Kyle: No, I mean Splash, I was making a joke.
Kyle: See? There’s me buying into that.
Goodrich: Yeah, for real.
Kyle: Um so, yeah no you pull and there’s nothing at the end of the hook and the old dwarf just goes-
Kyle (as Old Dwarf): Ah, well ain’t that the way sometimes? Sometimes the Fish-tus gives and Fish-tus takes away.
Ali (as Yashee): Well, maybe this isn’t the Fish-tus for me.
Kyle (as Old Dwarf): I guess not.
Kyle (as Old Dwarf): Well um, you and your friends look like fresh faces, what brings ya ‘round?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So, you’re not from here? You said?
Kyle (as Old Dwarf): Ah no, I am from a different place. I don’t know how to explain where I've ended up or how I’ve gotten to where I am. Of course, working with the god Fish-tus I'm taken where I'm needed.
Kyle (as Old Dwarf): And in such a town as this with a nice oasis so nice in the middle of it, it’d be terrible for them not to have the boon of fish just because it’s in the middle of the desert. So, Fish-tus has provided me the blessing to this town, which is uh- I'm probably the newest person that’s been accepted into this society, and even then I'm on an outskirt in a way.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So, we’ve been warned about folks that live around here. Apparently not so friendly? What's your experience? Cause you know we’ve- our source of information is uh.. You know!
Spurrier (as Randy): Sketchy at best.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Kyle (as Old Dwarf): Okay, okay I apologize let’s start off with this. I didn’t catch any of your names.
Ali (as Yashee): I’m Yashee!
Kyle (as Old Dwarf): Yashee.
Spurrier (as Randy): Randy.
Kyle (as Old Dwarf): Randy.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): And I’m Mac.
Kyle: Roll me a deception check!
Goodrich: Yup! [Laughs and rolls a dice] Oh, so that’s a fourteen plus five, nineteen.
Kyle: He says-
Kyle (as Old Dwarf): Ah, well Yashee, Randy, Mac pleasure to meet you my names Dogum, Dogum Brewsocks.
Kyle: And you see he reaches over to a small tankard nearby, pulls a sock out of it, switches it back onto his foot which has been hanging off in the water. He pulls it out of the water-
Kyle: Does that and then puts his boot back on and is like-
Kyle (as Dogum): Ay, save it for the brew later.
Kyle: So, and he reaches for that tankard and takes a big sip out of it, puts it back down and is like-
Kyle (as Dogum): So, you’re worried about the townspeople not being too keen on you, ay?
Spurrier (as Randy): Yes-
Goodrich: (as Raz’ul): Hey real quick, what are you drinking?
Kyle (as Dogum): Uh, a family special of the Brewsock.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What’s that about?
Kyle (as Dogum): It’s a beer brewed infused with sweat of my pride, and my family and all of our determination and honor.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Does it taste like pride, determination and honor or just like, feet-
Kyle (as Dogum): Well, you’re a dwarf, why don’t you tell me? Take a drink.
[Ali and Spurrier chanting “do it!”]
Kyle (as Dogum): Come on, lad.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Sighs] Alright, give it here.
Goodrich: And I-
Spurrier (as Randy): Come on, Mac!
Spurrier (as Randy): You a tough boy!
Kyle (as Dogum): Let’s go Mac.
Goodrich: Uh so- do I need to roll anything?
Kyle: Roll me a constitution check, yeah.
Goodrich: Oh jeez. [Rolls dice] So, fifteen plus one sixteen.
Kyle: Okay so, you knock back a little bit of the brew and it’s like a really really sour beer.
Goodrich: I can imagine-
Kyle: It does not taste that great. I mean, you’re not sipping enough to get intoxicated-
Kyle: But, you probably don’t care for it too much-
Goodrich: No, and I don’t say as much but I put it down and I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah! I see what you’re going for!
Kyle (as Dogum): Ay, takes a refined palette.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Hesitant] Yeah, probably.
Kyle: He winks at ya.
Goodrich: I wink back! I guess? [Laughs]
Kyle (as Dogum): So I mean, regarding the people in the town, you’re asking about them being a little bit unsavory towards outsiders. This is true, like I've said I've been giving the boon of Fish-tus's blessing onto this town for- [sighs] maybe twenty, twenty-five years now.
Kyle (as Dogum): Somewhere in that range. Laddie, you’ll see soon enough as you get older in age the time just kind of wears on.
Kyle (as Dogum): You know, I finally got into the good graces and they don’t like outsiders mainly because of the bureaucracy.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You got any tips for uh, skating around that sort of business or-
Kyle (as Dogum): Uh, well why are you here? If you’re here for the other reasons that people are here, they might not be too keen on ya.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Why are other folks here?
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): We were just dropped off here.
Kyle (as Dogum): Well we’ve had some bureaucrats in to investigate the meteor site down south in the Glow Fields.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Have you been down there?
Kyle (as Dogum): No.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No?
Kyle (as Dogum): No, I haven’t. I stay here and tend to the oasis.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What’s the word on the street about this meteor?
Kyle (as Dogum): Well, the big thing that’s happen that's really caused a dampering on the town is uh…the vibration of the impact has closed down the main mine west of town. So, people haven’t been able to work and they’re a little up in arms about it. They've been trying to contact people in Sundance to get down here and help clear up the mine so they can get back to work, providing glass wears that this town has grown famous for. So, a lot of people are on edge because they ain’t getting to work, and if they ain’t getting to work they ain’t getting their money. If they ain’t getting their money they ain’t getting their drink and food you know what I mean-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): And their... foot beer. Yeah.
Kyle (as Dogum): Oh no, that’s mine.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey you know what? You could find a market for that.
Kyle (as Dogum): The market’s closed right now-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No listen-
Kyle (as Dogum): They’re closing up shop-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I feel like we’re getting off track here. Uh, we were just passing through, we were thinking about just checking out the meteor just cause we heard tell. We actually saw the thing streaking across the sky, didn’t we guys?
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, it was beautiful.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): It was great and you know I uh-
Kyle (as Dogum): Ay, must have been up late at night then.
Ali (as Yashee): Well we’re a band so we play a lot of like, evening gigs?
Kyle (as Dogum): Oh really? You’re a band- Well then maybe perhaps maybe you’d do better than Fibblewix McFlibbs over in the tavern. That boy could use a lesson, I tell ya, he’s something terrible.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What's he play?
Kyle (as Dogum): Ha! I don’t say he plays anything but he tries to play lute. So perhaps you there, little Mac, you could give him a lesson or two; make him a little bit better. Poor boy has tried to get into Strumlotts more often than not and keeps getting refused.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): We just showed up, did he maybe not go to the right Strumlotts? We didn’t even have to do anything.
Kyle (as Dogum): No, he got some letter from the underground piping system that said uh-
Goodrich: Don’t even bother [laughs]
Kyle (as Dogum): It was pretty brief, from what I heard it just said “no.”
Ali (as Yashee): Well-
Kyle (as Dogum): All eight times.
Ali (as Yashee): Oh Gosh.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So, the tavern is over in the west right?
Kyle (as Dogum): Yeah, you head down this main road here just to the west. It's called the No Named Horse.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You wanna come with?
Kyle (as Dogum): Oh no I tend here. I got my camp, I've got my brew, the food, the fish, I'm all set here. I'm here to tend to the oasis I don’t uh, I don’t stray too far otherwise the fish dry up.
Spurrier (as Randy): Right, well enjoy your Fish-tus.
Kyle (as Dogum): I will!
Spurrier (as Randy): Good.
Kyle (as Dogum): I will, Fish-tus be with you.
Spurrier (as Randy): And also, with you.
Kyle (as Dogum): If you ever need anything come back and see me, you’ve got a good place with me in my heart at least with Fish-tus is giving so-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): But no actual place to stay.
Kyle (as Dogum): I have a tent we could share, it’s a little small.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I’ll take our chance with the horse’s no name.
Ali (as Yashee): At least we know if we need to come back, we can.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, yeah.
Kyle (as Dogum): Alright.
Spurrier (as Randy): Byee!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Byee!
Kyle: So, you begin heading down the road to The No Named Horse and the second alleyway that you pass by a person stumbles out and runs clean into Yashee. And they fall onto the ground and you just see a human woman, sitting there in a pile of messy cloaks and she looks up at you, and has bright red cheeks and her nose is really bright red, her eyes are half-closed. She scowls a moment then looks up at you Yashee and she says-
Kyle (as Drunk Woman): [With a very drunken, slurred tone] H-hey! You ran into me, w-what kinda person does that!? Are you like, even from around here? Well it’s time you learned some rules if you know what's good for you- knock someone down, you have to buy ‘em a drink it’s [hic] the law of the land.
Ali (as Yashee): You okay? You look like you're sick or something.
Kyle (as Drunk Woman): Nnno, I got knocked down by- by a big person and you can buy me a drink.
Ali (as Yashee): Who- who knocked you down on the ground?
Kyle (as Drunk Woman): You got in my way-
Ali (as Yashee): Oh!
Kyle (as Drunk Woman): I was walkin’ and.. You ran right into my way and knocked me down, now you gotta buy me a drink. Do you wanna take- do you wanna take me to the tavern?
Ali (as Yashee): I think we’re heading to the tavern anyway, although-
Kyle (as Drunk Woman): Ahh yes! Yesh, friend! Yesh, let’s go to the tavern!
Ali (as Yashee): We’ll- we’ll see I don’t know about the drink I mean I... we have stuff that we need to take care of.
Kyle (as Drunk Woman): [Softly] But she knocked me down... are you even gonna help me up?
Ali (as Yashee): You almost knocked me over- yeah, sure.
Ali: And I pick her straight up.
Goodrich: Just set her on her feet?
Ali (as Yashee): There you go bud!
Kyle (as Drunk Woman): Yer- yer a strong one.
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah but uh, so, I didn’t knock you down I'm just- I'm just so strong.
Goodrich: [Italian accent] I’m walkin’ here! That's what you should have said.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Way to blend in, Yashee.
Kyle (as Drunk Woman): Let’s go to the tavern, get the drink.
Ali (as Yashee): Can I buy myself a drink too or-
Kyle (as Drunk Woman): And me a drink! It's the law of the land.
Goodrich: Raz’ul falls over and says-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Now you gotta buy me a drink too, Yashee!
Ali: Aw, damnit!
Spurrier: And I take a running jump and just go flying-
Spurrier (as Randy): Ah, you’ve knocked me down as well!
[All laugh, overlapping excited coversation]
Kyle (as Drunk Woman): Drinks all around!
Spurrier (as Randy): Thanks, Yashee!
Kyle (as Drunk Woman): You said her name is Ya-shee-shee? Ya-shur-shur...
Ali (as Yashee): Well that’s- that’s close.
Kyle (as Drunk Woman): Let’s go, The No Named Tavern is right- right down here. Let’s get from- a drink from Dewey.
Kyle: So Yashee you go around and you help everyone up onto their feet since you knocked them down and now you have to buy them all drinks.
Ali: I feel terrible!
Kyle: So, you’re heading off- she puts her arms around Randy and Raz’ul and really slouches over to walk-
Goodrich: Yeah, she’s like down really low-
Ali: You’re just like, dragging her-
Goodrich: We’re just like, dragging her behind us!
Kyle: She’s just holding onto the back of your cloaks and her feet are dragging and she’s just like-
Kyle: (as Drunk Woman): This is great!
Goodrich: Ahh! Mesh, mesh!
Kyle: So uh, you make your way to The No Named Horsed with this person in tow. And as you approach the tavern you hear the rabble of people arguing and some pretty simplistic music being strummed out. When you step inside, that typical thing of when you step into a bar happens where everyone goes quiet. And the music stops but that’s only because the person playing it messed up and uh-
Kyle: And uh, but all eyes are on you and after a second a human man clears his throat and stands up. His clothes are worn, he has patches sewn onto them, which you notice to be the case with most of the people around the table that he’s at. He finishes off his mug and wipes the foam from his short bristly beard and says-
Kyle (as Man): [In a low gruff tone] Well, I reckon this conversation should be shelved for the time being. Everyone should get some rest; we still need to do what we can to re-open the mine. Especially since them bureaucrats in Sundance won’t send any aid short of those that are here for the sky boulder. We’ll all reconvene another time when it’s appropriate.
Kyle: And he looks at you three. So, the man turns and starts talking to a woman to his left, you notice behind her sits a woman with a pair of crutches leaning against the wall next to her. The others rise from their seat and begin to disperse, some leaving, and some cozying up into their own table with a mug; but all are eyeballing you in a very strange fashion. And it’s at this time you hear a dwarf call from behind the bar, says-
Kyle (as Dewey): [in a low gravelly tone] You know what a tavern is, right? What’dya lookin’ for you three? Food? Drink- you didn’t bring Big Shot in here did you!? Is that who you have dragging behind you!? You better be here for food, drink or lodging, if you’re not there’s the door.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Don’t know a Big Shot, she probably had a big shot though.
Kyle (as Dewey): Yeah, that’s Big Shot right there-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh.
Kyle (as Dewey): You bet- is somebody buying her her drinks? Her tabs full here.
Ali (as Yashee): I got her on for one.
Kyle: Big Shot stands up, she’s like-
Kyle (as Big Shot): Yeah Dewey, they’re gonna get me a drink so just you know, the bottle!
Kyle: And waves it over-
Goodrich: Can I whisper to Yashee-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Whispers] Of water, of water! Tell him it’s water she wants.
Ali (as Yashee): Yes! Your biggest glass of- [whispers] of water.
Kyle: You say this and Big Shot looks as you and she’s just like-
Kyle (as Big Shot): No! Not water, I can get water in the oasis I’ll just drink that-
Ali (Yashee): No, I mean you didn’t like, specify!
Kyle (as Big Shot): Dewey! The stuff! The good stuff!
Ali (as Yashee): I don’t know if you should- I mean, you seem like you’re good-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Kyle (as Big Shot): You knocked me down, you gotta buy me a drink- ask Dewey! It’s the law of the land!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You didn’t specify the kind of drink-
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah!
Spurrier: At this point, Randy pulls out his organ and starts to play [singing while playing soft piano music] Please don’t spoil this bar, so drunk you are, and after all you’re finally sleeping.
Goodrich: [Hums after]
Kyle: Alright, I think you roll to see how many-
Kyle: [With horror] Oh my god.
Goodrich: You’re casting sleep, I guess?
Spurrier: Yeah, to see if it’s enough hit points to make them sleep so- if everyone could roll a d8.
Kyle: And then roll an extra.
Spurrier: Roll an extra.
[Multiple dice rolling]
Goodrich: One, four, one and six.
Spurrier: And- [rolls dice] two.
Kyle: She passes out.
Kyle: She just falls onto the ground, passes out. Dewey goes-
Kyle (as Dewey): Ah, I think ya dodged a bullet with that one uh you know, Big Shot can really knock ‘em down if ya know what I mean.
Goodrich: I put one of the sapphires we got from Wesley- should be like a hundred gold- I put it on the counter and I say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Hey, make sure she gets taken care of.
Kyle (as Dewey): Uh, you got it.
Kyle: And he takes it and puts it in his pocket.
Ali: Her tab.
Goodrich (as Dewey): You know, I pay for her tab, I think. Make sure she’s got a room, just-
Kyle (as Dewey): Ah, she’s got a house. Somebody will make sure she gets there, and we’ll make sure her tab is taken care of, appreciate that. So, you getting food?
Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah-
Kyle (as Dewey): Lodging, I only have one room I hope that’s okay.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That’s fine.
Spurrier (as Randy): We got a paper- who's got the paper?
[Everybody repeating, “who's got the paper”]
Goodrich: I pat myself down.
Goodrich: I think you had the paper, Randy.
Spurrier: Oh! Well I reach in; I pull out the paper and I say uh-
Spurrier (as Randy): Dewey, right?
Kyle (as Dewey): Yeah, it’s Dewey.
Spurrier (as Randy): Here you go.
Kyle: Alright, so he grabs the scroll that you hand to him, and he looks at it and pulls the seal off and unfurls it.
Kyle (as Dewey): [Reading] To whom it concerns, the bards- [groans] bards!? I already have one too many bards here!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well we’re other things too!
Kyle (Dewey): Yeah-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Not just bards-
Kyle (as Dewey): Okay, okay- anyway it says here basically, the bards presenting this document have been charge with finding lodging under their own abilities. Only permit them lodging if you deem their performance deserving and shovel them off if not. Thank you for indulging us in the training of our future historian story tellers, entertainers, signed Symbol HMAC.
Spurrier (as Randy): Splash, he signed it wrong.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, he goes by Splash now.
Spurrier (as Randy): It’s a habit.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That’s probably an old one-
Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, that’s what it is!
Kyle (as Dewey): I remember that boy.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That- that boy?
Kyle (as Dewey): Coming through here many, many years ago.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Excited] What was he like!?
Goodrich: I put my elbows on the bar and say-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What was he like!?
Kyle (as Dewey): He’s a fantastic performer, probably the best we’ve had come through but we haven’t seen him in decades. Man, anyway so anything you can do to help me um let’s see, that boy over there- that halfling boy- if you can teach him anything you know about music, something to make him a better bard- if you’d even call him a bard.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well really, anyone can be a bard.
Kyle (as Dewey): Not according to them bureaucrats up in Sundance. They have a real set line for school.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I mean it’s all about hard work, practice and determination.
Kyle (as Dewey): Yeah but with their line from the school to the Bureau of Better Barding you know, but if you can make him a better performer, I'll give you a room and I’ll sign the paper for your teacher.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah!
Ali (as Yashee): I think we can handle that.
Spurrier (as Randy): Deal!
Kyle: So yeah, there’s a halfling sitting over by the hearth strumming on a lute, really simplistic stuff. So, you walk up and he’s putzing around on chords and everything and uh, you notice he’s messing up and he’s saying some words under his breath but he stops for a moment and notices you standing there and he goes-
Kyle (as Fibblewix): [In a higher-toned voice, sounds like a young boy] Oh, hi! Um-
Spurrier (as Randy): You’re Gillyfingers McFingerbones right?
[Players attempt to hold back laughing]
Kyle (as Fibblewix): [Distressed] It’s Fibblewix Mcflibbs-
Spurrier (as Randy): I was close.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): That was kind of rude.. Alright.
Spurrier (as Randy): I like that. Can I just call you Fingerbones?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Laughing] Randy, be nice!
Kyle (as Fibblewix): I don’t have any bony fingers though- that's why I'm having a hard time playing- some little stubby ones.
Spurrier (as Randy): We can shave off some.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Laughing] We’ve actually got some spare fingers if you need some-
Ali (as Yashee): I have two!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): That’s step one, you need a good stage name, one that people will remember.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Okay.. So, lesson one-
Kyle: And he stops and he pulls out a little thing, he’s like-
Kyle (as Fibblewix): I mean-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Laughing] We’re just playing with you, listen-
Kyle (as Fibblewix): You look like bards-
Ali (as Yashee): We are!
Kyle (as Fibblewix): You don’t happen to go to Strumlotts do you?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Sometimes. We really haven’t been there a whole lot recently but- [laughs]
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Sometimes? Okay, uh well I mean-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, we’ve been around Strumlotts.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Do you- do you have a good word in? I've tried to get into Strumlotts for a while just- [sighs]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Have you ever heard of a guy named Symbol?
Kyle (as Fibblewix): [Excited] Yeah! Who hasn’t heard of Symbol?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): He’s going by Splash now, that’s the first thing you should know.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): That’s- that’s a weird name change.
Spurrier (as Randy): It’s his nick name- rebranding.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): That’s better than..fingerbones.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Uhhhh, well anyways, we were sent over here to maybe help you out a little bit if that’s cool-
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Oh, really!?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah!
Kyle (as Fibblewix): You guys wanna help me finish writing my song about Tibbledy Tom Titomalon?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): See, this is exactly what we’re talking about.
Spurrier (as Randy): Absolutely.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Okay, maybe you can come up with- you can help me come up with some verse- here's- lemme play- lemme what I got for you-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Okay-
Kyle (as Fibblewix): So far real quick-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Let’s see what you got.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): And see if you can jam along to this. Um, [softly] one, two, three, four- [singing and playing lute] Tibbley Tom Titomalon was running down the lane. He fell down and broke his leg and we’re laughing once again. [“Ha’s” to the rhythm of the song, joined by the rest of the players]
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Yeah-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah that was good-
Ali (as Yashee): Very catchy.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): What’s wrong with that? That's perfectly fine, it’s a great song-
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Well I mean-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You should be very happy with that song-
Kyle (as Fibblewix): I mean, more- more lines- the only other one I have for it is- here lemme try this one for you. [Singing while playing lute] Tibbley Tom Titomalon was going on his first date, went to his dad to get some advice and caught him masterbat- [All loudly “ha”ing to the rhythm of the song]
Kyle (as Fibblewix): So, well I guess I don’t have good words-
[Players “no” repeatedly]
Ali (as Yashee): They’re a little rough.
Spurrier (as Randy): We can polish them.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Well, do you wanna try writing a verse and we can play it around? I mean, I'm really trying to play something a little more cheerful and up-light for the people around here cause everyone seems so down.
Goodrich: (as Raz’ul): What are you talking about? That’s a perfectly cheerful song, it’s downright delightful-
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Yeah but nobody's like, responding to it. I just- I dunno maybe if the words-
Ali (as Yashee): Maybe if there was a little more going on you know? Just you and your guitar over there so.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Yeah.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well what does this crowd usually listen to? Are you it?
Kyle (as Fibblewix): I..yeah.
Ali & Goodrich: Oh.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): So, I mean-
Goodrich: And I kind of look at him and I put my hand on his shoulder and I'm like-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Don’t you let anyone put you down cause you’re a bard, son.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): [Excitedly] Oh man, you think I'm a bard!?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): You ARE a bard! Look, you wrote a great song! And just because these chumps don’t think it’s a good one doesn’t mean it’s not a great song. It's a great tune, man you got a lot of cool stuff happening in that tune!
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Thanks uh, maybe- I don’t know, if you guys help me write lyrics maybe they’d like them better. I don’t-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah-
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Let’s try it out.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Well first off, give me your guitar-
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Okay-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): So we can tune that bad boy. Yup, yup [straining] there we go. Alright, so we’ll get this tuned up here- ah that’s way up. Anyway, I'll tune this up for you and then we can help you out with some lyrics, right?
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Mkay.
Kyle: Well, so what we’re gonna do here for above the table is we’re gonna take five minutes, write your line that you’re gonna do, each of you write a line and then we’re gonna come back and play it sooo get writing!
[Electronic music plays]
Kyle: [with accent] Five minutes later.
[Music fades out]
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Okay so um-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I got your guitar all tuned up, you’re good to go there.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): [Strums a few chords] That sounds- whoa!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, imagine that.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Whoa-
Ali (as Yashee): It’s all about the basics, foundation, man-
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Thanks, Raz’ul!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Yeah, absolutely-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Lesson two, tune your guitar.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Okay, noted. Um well, Yashee do you want to start us off and then maybe Randy and then Raz’ul?
Ali (as Yashee): Sure!
Spurrier (as Randy): Sure!
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Okay, I'll start playing and see how it goes.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): [Softly] Two, three-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Help us out on the chorus.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Okay, yeah!
Spurrier: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Kyle (as Fibblewix): one, two, three, four-
[Plays an upbeat tune on guitar]
Ali (singing): Tibbley Tom Titomalin was cooking up a meal, grabbed a pan and burned his hand and now he cannot feel.
[“Ha’s” to the rhythm of the song, joined by the rest of the players]
Kyle & Goodrich: Randy.
Spurrier (singing): Tibblity Tom Titoberon walked out into the road-
Kyle (as Fibblewix): [Softly] That’s not his name-
Spurrier (singing): He heard a bird and looked straight up and walked into a commode.
[“Ha’s” to the rhythm of the song, joined by the rest of the players]
Goodrich (singing): Tibbty Tangled Tumbleboy-
Kyle (as Fibblewix): [Softly] That’s not his name-
Goodrich (singing): Was bathing in the stream, a witch jumped down and cast a spell as he began to scream.
[“Ha’s” to the rhythm of the song, joined by the rest of the players, song ends]
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Yeah that was pretty good- you got the names wrong but you know, whatever! Ya'll were having fun with it, right?
[Players happily agree]
Goodrich: Does the crowd respond, Kyle?
Kyle: Uh, you look around, everybody's kind of like eyeballing you really hard just like groaning and rolling their eyes and everything-
Goodrich: More bards! [Groans] Oh, god!
Goodrich: The last thing this town needs.
Kyle: You look over at Dewey and he’s just got this like, “no.” And he pushes off the bar and you see him basically like glide across the bar to get something. It doesn’t look like he walks-
Spurrier: Huh! Spirit!
Kyle: And then he grabs something and glides back and slides it down for a patron.
Goodrich: Is he a ghoul?
Kyle: You don’t know!
Kyle: But yeah, so yeah Fibblewix McFlibbs looks at you three, he’s like-
Kyle (as Fibblewix): See this is what I'm talking about like, it doesn’t matter if you get good words. You got the good chords, I mean Raz’ul you said I had a good song.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah, you’re songs freakin’-
Kyle (as Fibblewix): You went to bard college so you know, I trust you.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No, your songs a freakin’ jam dude.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): I just wish I knew what I could, you know-
Spurrier (as Randy): I mean we did just learn some new stuff. How to change the feel and flow of the song.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Yeah?
Ali (as Yashee): Honestly, if they’re not responding to this like, happiness of a tune then maybe they’re not feeling the happy vibes.
Spurrier (as Randy): And things haven’t been too happy around here, right?
Kyle (as Fibblewix): No, they haven’t. Everyone’s really ticked off.
Spurrier (as Randy): Maybe they need some empathy or sympathy.
Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, something they can relate to a little.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I mean, you got the goods but is it the right goods so-
Spurrier (as Randy): Can we tweak those goods?
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Yeah! Give me your notes!
[All laughing and making weird noises]
Spurrier: Ol’ Fingerbones.
Goodrich: Oh Fingerbones.
Spurrier: You wiley boy.
Kyle: That’s right.
Spurrier: No listen, let’s work on it together- we'll give it a shot and see what happens.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Okay!
Kyle: Alright so, let’s roll some chord dice. See if we can’t make Fibblewix’s song a bit better.
[Electronic music plays]
Kyle: Okay guys so let’s have a “minor” discussion real quick.
Kyle: In all seriousness though uh, we wanna talk to you listeners about the differences of major versus minor just to, you know, bring that up cause our bards are gonna be able to start using that to write songs. Ya'll are gonna be able to choose-
Kyle: Weather to choose major or minor based off the situation.
Kyle: So uh, Spurrier if you don’t mind doing me the favor- let's just talk about C major compared to A minor. I’m gonna go ahead and just let you lead off with that.
Spurrier: Okay so, if you guys envision a piano- you just thinking of playing all the white notes- do happen to just start on C [plays a scale on the piano] go to another C and come back. [Plays a few notes together]
Goodrich: C major!
Spurrier: Good old C major!
Goodrich: You’ve heard it a million times on BomBARDed!
Kyle: See? That was major.
Spurrier: And so, if you go up to the sixth note, which is [playing as he speaks] C, D, E, F, G, A and you still stick with all the white notes but start here instead. [Plays a scale on the piano] you get minor. Um, but one really important thing that’s going to affect all our minor songs, if I go back to major just super-fast then I stop [plays minor scales] then I stop right before the end [stops playing] then there’s tension-
Goodrich: Ugh, whats gonna happen!
Spurrier: [Straining] I really want it to go- [plays single note] there! Right?
Kyle: You want it to resolve.
Spurrier: You want it to resolve, right. There's that tension there, and if I do it with A minor again. [Plays scales] and stop right before the end- [stops playing] it doesn’t feel finished-
[All agreeing softly]
Spurrier: There’s not that tension, it doesn’t want to go there. [Playing single note repeated] So that’s a G, so if I raise that G to a G-sharp [plays a scale with the end note being much higher] there’s that tension, right?
Spurrier: It really wants to go there-
Goodrich: It’s the old harmonic minor and I think we’re saying that Splash told us all about that on the way to Basom so we know how to do that as characters and stuff.
Spurrier: The whole point being- just so everyone knows, we roll our dice- if we happen to an E we have a right to make it E minor or E major, be that G or G-sharp.
Goodrich: The expressed right, it is our decision!
Spurrier: That’s what- yeah exactly.
Ali: We have the power!
Kyle: Yeah, exactly you can choose. Normally when you write a song your- the chord dice roll is book ended by C major on both sides-
Kyle: But in the situation you want to roll a- uh, play in minor you’ll just book end it with A minor instead so. That'll help us keep things rolling, literally-
Kyle: So, a couple examples that Spurrier has where he’s switching either major to minor- and these are gonna be songs you know, I hope- or minor to major. So Spurrier if you don’t mind-
Spurrier: Yeah! Here is Joy to the World in its standard major form. [Plays Joy to the World] and then I'll adjust a few notes and now- [Plays Joy to the World in minor key]
Kyle: Oh no.
Spurrier: Just here- so yeah, so foreboding and-
Kyle: Now it’s Tears to the World-
Spurrier: [Chuckles] Tears to the World, all over the world! And then if we go the other way we’ll get something by ol’ beef oven. [Plays Fur Elise by Beethoven] and then we change a few notes- [Plays Fur Elise but in major key]
Kyle: [Sighs happily] I really like that.
Goodrich: Just a breath of fresh air.
Spurrier: Exactly, so yeah! There you go-
Goodrich: It’s kind of an example of how major and minor stack up to each other. Both very nice but uh, different kind of vibes coming off them.
Kyle: Yup! Speaking of which, since we kind of explained that vibe lets go ahead and roll some dice and we can figure out how you’re going to add to his song.
Spurrier: So, Kyle just to make sure-
Spurrier: We’re gonna take the original thing by Twiddildy Fingerbones and make that minor and add on a new section, right?
Spurrier: And that’s based on the chord dice we roll? Cool!
Spurrier: Combo song!
Goodrich: Combo song!
Spurrier: We’ve never done that, alright cool-
Goodrich: C-c-c-combo song! [imitates air horn]
Kyle: All Wild!?
Goodrich: Double wild!
Goodrich & Spurrier: And a triple wild!
Goodrich: Quit with the wilds.
Goodrich: Oh jeez, okay. Oh well, that’s two-
Kyle: Oh my god!
Kyle: So, you basically rolled B diminished and G.
Spurrier: We rolled B diminished three times over.
Goodrich: That’s amazing.
Ali: Well, at least we have- we have our A minor.
Goodrich: Okay drums-
Goodrich: Do it!
Ali: Righto, alright coin toss! [Coin hits the table] ‘Kay it’s head.
Ali: Picking our first bank-
Ali: We’ve got a twenty-six.
Goodrich: [Softly chanting “Blues”]
Ali: Rock ten!
Spurrier: Close enough.
Ali: And Fusion two.
[Players chuckling and Kyle “hmms”]
Goodrich: Rock Fusion.
[Spurrier humming a tune, Goodrich start scatting]
Kyle: Rock Fusion, ha!
Goodrich: Hey everyone it’s Goodrich, surprise! Uh, we were so pumped to jam with Fingerbones this session that we forgot to record Kyle’s middle bits so instead, here I am! [Chuckles] As always, thanks for listening to the show, it really does mean a lot to us and if you want to say hi to us or chat with us on social media you can use @BomBARDedcast and you can use the #bardcast. We love hearing from everyone so hit us up, and if you’re listening through Apple Podcast you can rate review and subscribe to us on there and subscribe where ever you get podcasts- and actually, the BomBARDed Bandcamp is live now.
So, if you go to Bombarded.bandcamp.com, the only thing that’s on there right now is the theme song but that’s where we’re going to be putting the Chaos Sauce album and the original soundtrack. That's where we’re going to be putting all of the music we write for the show. Uh, so we’ll put it up there and you can listen to it, download it there and it’s great! So, I'm working on getting all the tracks mixed just a little bit better and Spurrier’s working on the original soundtrack getting cuts for that, so really soon- hopefully with the next week It'll be out so-
In the meantime, if you want to listen to Lindby online, you can go to Lindby- which is spelled L-I-N-D-B-Y music.com or lindby.bandcamp.com. All of our music's on there and- actually, speaking of Lindby we’re going to be playing a show on March 18th at Lola’s in Fort Worth. So, if you’re in the area and wanna, you know, come by, hang out and say hi that’s where we’ll be! And we’re also going to be playing a couple of the songs that we’ve made in previous episodes as Lindby instead of Chaos Sauce so, it should be fun! So yeah, March 18th at Lola’s in Fort Worth in you’re DFW and uh, that’s pretty much it! So, thanks again so much for listening and hopefully I did Kyle proud and let’s get back on the Fingerbones express and see where it takes us! Byee!
Goodrich: So Raz’ul, you know, after we’ve kind of gone over the song and what not-
Goodrich: Raz’ul kind of turns to Fingerbones and says-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Alright so, not only are we gonna change the song from major to minor-
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Okay-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): But we’re gonna play it straight stead of swung-
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Okay-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul) Uh, and we’re gonna try la’s at the chorus instead of “Ha ha ha’s” okay?
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Okay-
Ali (as Yashee): That might be part of the issue from the crowd.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right, they might be the wrong kind of- yeah vibe from you laughing at them.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Gotcha.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): And also, do you... wanna sing with us? Maybe?
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Yeah, I'll- I mean it’s just ha’s to la’s.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): I mean you kind of got it down, you kind of got the feel down for how the chorus goes-
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Ha’s to la’s
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah hope in on that chorus, yeah you got it.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Yeah! Show me what you got!
Ali (as Yashee): Sweet!
[Drums start up, band immediately begins after]
All (Singing): Tibbledy Tom Titomalon looked up into the sky, saw a falling meteor and thought that he might die.
[“La’s” to the tune of the song]
All (Singing): Tibbledy Tom Titomalon got shut out of the mine, couldn’t buy himself a drink or pay his rent on time.
[“La’s to the tune of the song]
All (Singing): Tibbledy Tom, Tomalon; you’re gonna survive so just hold on!
[Kyle starts a lute solo; other players cheer him on]
Kyle (as Fibblewix): I don’t know what’s happening to Fingerbone’s Fingerbones!
Ali (as Yashee): Get it!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Look at him go, look at him go! Get it, son!
Ali (as Yashee): Shred them bones!
Kyle (as Fibblewix): I got blisters on my fingerbones!
All (Singing): Tibbledy Tom Titomalon got up from where he sat, he said it’s time to get things done and face the bureaucrats.
[Overlapping “La’s” to the tune of the song]
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Aw man, that was- that was awesome!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): [Shouting] Fingerbooones!
[Players join in]
Kyle (as Fibblewix): It’s like I had some kind of bardic inspiration from you guys to be able to solo like that!
Kyle (as Fibblewix): I’ve never been able to play like that in my life!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Listen-
Ali (as Yashee): You’re welcome!
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah. [Chuckles]
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Man, this was great! I have some practicing to do, what- so, you’re bards but are you- are you a band?
Ali (as Yashee): We’re Chaos Sauce.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Right-
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Chaos Sauce-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Featuring Fingerbones.
Ali (as Yashee): Tell your friends, tell your family.
Kyle (as Fibblewix): Yeah, absolutely! I’m gonna go practice so I can be as good as Chaos Sauce someday! Uh, I’m gonna go show my mom!
Kyle: And he grabs his lute and he’s like-
Kyle (as Fibblewix): [Slowly pulling away from the mic] Thank you! Thank you very much!
Kyle: And he runs out- just runs out of the tavern-
[Players saying goodbye]
Goodrich: I turn to guys and I’m like-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Man, that little joker plays better than I do, I don’t know what he’s talking about.
Kyle: You turn around after Fingerbones has left out of the tavern, you’ve noticed by this point in time, there’s actually some people that were like, tapping their feet along- you actually heard some of the tavern members say “hey!” at the end-
[Players are excitedly surprised]
Kyle: So, some of the people were getting into it and you turn and you see Big Shot sitting at a table with a full bottle of booze that’s already half down-
Goodrich: Aw, jeez.
Kyle: They’re sitting at the table but their heads down on it- all the sudden somebody comes through the door- they kick open the door and it’s this tall human, he’s bald, he’s wearing explorers' clothes but there’s an insignia of the Bureau of Intelligence on his shoulder. And he takes a moment and he’s looking around and he just says-
Kyle (as John): Evening everyone, my name is John Laramy I'm heading the expedition down to the meteorite I'm just looking for-
Goodrich: Bards. He's looking for bards.
Spurrier: And so, the acronym on that is BOI?
[Everyone laughs harder]
Kyle: Yes- yes, it’s BOI.
Goodrich: He’s our BOI!
Spurrier: You work at BOI!?
Kyle: So yeah, he’s got the insignia of the Bureau of Intelligence on his shoulder and just says-
Kyle (as John): Good evening everyone, my name is John Laramy with the Bureau of Intelligence, I'm here to take an expedition out to discover a little bit about the meteor. I’m looking for Alphonse Correa, Trish Shareen, and Erin Copeland. Uh, does anybody know where they are?
Kyle: And you see two people stand up, there’s this really tiny kind of half-elf that stands up and he raises his hand and is like-
Kyle (as Whimpy): Yeah, I’m Alphonse, you can call my Whimpy.
Kyle: And then another, bigger lady stands up- about the size of Yashee, and she’s got this like braided hair back in a bun and she’s like-
Kyle (as Boom Queen): [With more of a souther drawl] Yeah, I’m Trish, the names Boom Queen. What’d you need with us?
Kyle: And Uh, John kind of looks around and goes-
Kyle (as John): So, what about- what about Erin? Erin Copeland? I was told I'd probably find her at the bar.
Kyle: And the bartender Dewey looks up and he’s like-
Kyle (as Dewey): Yeah if you’re ever looking for Erin good luck dragging her out of the bottom of a bottle.
Kyle: And you see Big Shot grab the bottle that she’s drinking out of and throws it at Dewey, breaking against the wall behind him, and gets up and slugs out of the back.
[Goodrich and Spurrier both surprised, “oh.”]
Goodrich: I was about to say, if he’s looking for Erin Copeland he needs to check the mid-twentieth century.
[Players chuckle then turn into laughter]
Kyle: Anyway! So uh- [chuckles] “for those who know.”
Kyle: So, John says-
Kyle (as John): Okay well, regardless we’re meeting in the morning south of town, we’re heading out towards the Glow Fields 9 a.m. sharp. Be there, we need you.
Kyle: And you hear some people mutter and curse under their breath and what not, and he leaves just as quick as he came in. You see Dewey come out from behind the bar, and he’s actually in this weird floating like, bowl and it’s what he uses to move around the bar; he doesn’t have any legs.
Goodrich: [Surprised] Oh!
Spurrier: [Impressed] Ooh!
Kyle: And he kind of comes around the bar and uses the bar to scoot himself along. There's really no manner to show why this thing is floating but it is, and he kind of floats over to you guys and-
Kyle (as Dewey): Well-
Goodrich (whispering): Krang
Kyle (as Dewey): You did exactly- [breaks character and laughs]
Kyle: He comes over and he’s like-
Kyle (as Dewey): Well, you were able to help out Fibblewix McFlibbs um, you called him what?
Spurrier (as Randy): Fingerbones.
Kyle (as Dewey): Fingerbones, I think that’s funnier actually. So, like I said, you can have the room upstairs- it's only one room.
Kyle: He pulls out the piece of paper, signs it, hands it back to you.
Kyle (as Dewey): Get this to your instructor, I appreciate helping him out, maybe he’ll be a little bit of a better bard and I liked what ya’ll were saying about going and facing those bureaucrats, I think a couple of the people were too. So, as long as you’re not in cahoots or associated, you might be alright for a little while. So- but enjoy the room for the night, breakfast is gonna be at eight- you know, It's included-
Kyle (as Dewey): Come on down- I mean we are on a continent so-
[Players laugh, overlapping conversation with laughter]
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Roger that!
Kyle (as Dewey): Here’s the key-
Kyle: And he holds it out.
Ali: Oh! I’ll take the key!
Kyle: Yashee, you take the key?
Ali (as Yashee): Oh, I got a key!
Kyle: And he says-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Oh, we were changing keys earlier!
Kyle: And he says-
Kyle (as Dewey): Ya’ll get some sleep, I know it’s late and you’ve probably traveled a long way to get here. The desert can be a little uh, a little rough. We've actually sent out some caravans with glass wear and they never made to Sundance apparently from what they hear. Lost somewhere along the way. Anyway, like I've said I got the bar to close up so.
Spurrier (as Randy): Alright, bye!
Ali (as Yashee): Nighty, night!
Goodrich: [Singing] closing time.. [humming]
Kyle: [Softly singing] You don’t have to go home.
Ali: [Singing] I guess we can stay here.
Kyle: You can stay here, that’s right!
Kyle: So, you guys go up to your room, bed down for the night. It's basically been one whole day you’ve been stuck in a carriage this is your first time to be able to like, stretch out a little bit. You know, change your clothes-
Goodrich: Change the potpourri out-
Kyle: Get into some- yeah, you change the potpourri out. You can get into some actual sleepwear, and as you’re changing- you're in your respective corners trying to give yourself space but, Yashee and Raz’ul- you can’t help but notice when Randy’s changing- he removes his like, top gear and removes his undershirt, and in the middle of his back is a giant tattoo.
Kyle: And you know, you can’t help but be drawn in and you notice that it’s a circle of runes. There's a very big circle in the center of the tattoo and a rune inside of it, and some lines that shape outwards and you know, kind of squiggly as well. But there’s something odd about this tattoo, you notice that there’s a…it looks like a crack and uh-
Goodrich: Like his butt crack?
Kyle: It kind of glows red- [chuckles] Yeah-
Kyle: There’s a crack in his back and it-
Spurrier: It goes way down!
Goodrich: Oh boy!
Kyle: No, but you notice- you notice this crack and it’s a very small sliver on the right side of the tattoo. It looks like it’s blood red but upon further inspection you notice that it’s just emanating a red-ish hue and it’s not part of the tattoo design.
Ali (as Yashee): Dude, Randy, sweet ink!
Kyle: You don’t know what they’re talking about.
Spurrier: Okay, I was gonna say, this is news to me!
Spurrier: Okay uh-
Spurrier (as Randy): Uh..what?
Ali (as Yashee): Oh your like, colossal tattoo on your back.
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Yeah dude.
Spurrier: I turn around and try to look over my shoulder-
Goodrich: Do the classic like, [grunting frantically]
Kyle: What does mine say!? What does MINE say!?
Spurrier (as Randy): I…What it this!?
Goodrich: I describe it to Randy as you just did.
Ali: Are there mirrors in this land?
Goodrich: Do mirrors exist here?
Spurrier (as Randy): [Panicked] Get it off! Get it off!
Goodrich: Get it off, get it off! [Laughs]
Kyle: Yeah, there’s a mirror.
Goodrich: We direct him to the mirror.
Spurrier: All right, well I guess- should we all investigate this cause I have no idea what this is on my back.
[Multiple dice rolling]
Spurrier: Because Randy can’t see his back, he gets a three plus one.
Goodrich: Seventeen plus one for the jack of all trades.
Kyle: Yashee and Randy you’re not really able to gather anything, I mean obviously you see a sick back tattoo but Raz’ul, you actually noticed some of the runes in this tattoo- they reference sealing something away or blocking off like, energy.
Goodrich: Gotcha, and these runes are similar to the ones that are on Usumptin or?
Kyle: No, they don’t look like anything on Usumptin, they look more like- a couple of the runes you recognize are more like druidic runes that you’ve seen before.
Goodrich: Okay, I recognize them and understand they stand for like, sealing something away.
Kyle: Yeah exactly, the rest of it you can’t quite make out but you know that that’s the purpose-
Kyle: It’s serving-
Goodrich (as Raz’ul): Could it be something inside your tummy, Randy?
Spurrier (as Randy): Uh, well I mean-
Kyle: That you do not yet know. But uh, I think we’ll call it there.
[Light, wistful music plays softly]
Transcripts by: Gabi Cardone@peachdoodles – Twitter