Ep. 1 - Welcome to Strumlotts

[Theme song begins playing]

Host: Hey everybody, welcome to bomBARDed, an actual-play DnD podcast with a musical edge to it. For those of you who don't know us, we are in the band Lindby, and we play around Dallas, Fort Worth, Texas, and, you know, we've been playing DnD separately for, you know, just a while now, and we thought it'd be fun to bring a different spin to the game, especially for all of you listening out there. I've got three player characters with me. I'm Kyle. I'm going to be your DM. Each of our characters are going to be a multi-classed character, their initial class being related to their backstory, but they've just discovered their bardic abilities, and as many of you know, if you play DnD, the bardic abilities are going to be through their instruments, so that's their magical focus. So, we're looking on taking that magical focus, and really just emphasizing that point with our podcast. So, what's going to be happening is we're gonna be starting off with our bards going to Strumlott's, that's going to be Strumlott's School of Barding, that way they can hone their newfound musical abilities. Again, my name's Kyle. I'm going to be DMing this musical adventure, and to my right is-

Goodrich: My name's Goodrich, and, uh, my name's actually Nick Goodrich, but Spurrier over here's also named Nick, so in order to avoid confusion, we're just going by our last names, which we do normally anyhow.

Spurrier: Yeah.

Kyle: But, I'll probably be calling y'all by your character names, just to, you know. We're gonna strive for immersion. 

Goodrich: We'll strive for that, surely. But yeah! So my character's named Raz'ul, and he is the son of Daz'ul. So, Razzle Dazzle-Son.

[Laughter from other players]

Goodrich: He's a dwarf druid from the Mount Tain, and he is-


Goodrich: Yeah, I know, I worked hard on that one. He's from the Oodalolly clan. He's not um, a druid, like he wasn't born like a druid. He became a druid which kind of goes into backstory, which we'll get into later. He's part of the Circle of the Moon, which means he can transform into some different animals, which I'll get into more here in a second. He plays a guitar, so, and if you're gonna picture it in your mind, it's an exact amalgamation, like conglomeration, of Marceline's axe bass and Gene Simmon's axe bass, right? 

Kyle: Nice.

Goodrich: Okay, so I looked it up, and I know it's not super innovative to have, you know, an axe as a guitar, but-

Kyle: I guess it's a little on the nose- 

Goodrich: I know, but-

Kyle: It's your axe.

Goodrich: I just wanted to do that so bad.

Kyle: No, no,

Spurrier: But you're using it to actually fight with too, right?

Goodrich: Right, so yeah, that's for practicality's sake. I can use it to fight, but it's also just a, uh, I can use it to cast my bard spells and what not. 

Kyle: Maybe I should throw a percentage in there if your guitar goes out of tune when you whack somebody with it. 


Kyle: We'll see what happens. We'll play it by ear like musicians do.

[Players agree]

Goodrich: So, anyways, my axe's name is Usumptin, that's another one I worked real hard on, the Axe Usumptin. 

[Someone groans]

Goodrich: Uh, yeah. That's kind of all about Raz'ul that we'll get into now. His story... A lot of good stuff planned for him that'll come up later on.

Kyle: That's funny. Me too.

Goodrich: [laughs] Thanks, Kyle. But yeah, so his flaw is, since being a druid isn't his first thing- Again, not to get into backstory we'll do that later, the one thing he can't get down, which is his flaw, is that whenever he tries to transform into an animal, he can't control what animal he transforms into. So, I have a list, me, Goodrich, have a list, if I roll a d100, and we've broken it up into twenty-five different categories, and so if I get in a certain area, that'll be the animal that I wind up transforming into. And we did kind of try to make it to where the lower the number, kind of the worse off I'll be. 

Kyle: Right.

Goodrich: Or the weaker the animal, the higher the number.

Spurrier: I think you can't do flying ones yet. As you level up-

Goodrich: Yeah I can't do flying ones or swimming ones, but we did build into it like a super-duper bonus for getting like a crit, I guess? So if I roll between 97 and 100, I have an animal I transform into that's outside of my challenge rating, so it's just kind of like a little-

Spurrier: Hulk out a little.

Goodrich: Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kyle: Good power boost there.

Goodrich: And if I do a crit failure, it's real bad. And we won't get into that, yeah. But-

Kyle: And well, I mean, to add to it, when people think about dwarves, they think about the traditional, under the mountain and mining and everything, and that's definitely what your clan does, so it makes sense that you probably haven't spent a lot of time out in nature until as of recent, so you're like, what's that animal again? Oh yeah, that's- You think of something, but your mind sees something else.

Goodrich: Well, I don't even know that it's that. I think that it's just like, he tries, like, I want to transform into say, like a giant spider or something, and I picture it, and just for some reason, he just pops out into else random, or maybe it is what he wants, but he just doesn't have control over it, and there's- He doesn't know why yet. It's always- So that's his flaw, kind of. And then I did roll for a random item, and the random item I got was a needle that never bends. Yeah, that's Raz'ul in a nutshell. 

Kyle: So we'll move on to Spurrier. Tell us a little bit about your character.

Spurrier: Yeah, so I'm Spurrier, and again, not going by Nick just for sake of ease, but we'll be using our character names. Speaking of which, I am playing a character by the name of Randy Greentrees. He is a halfling rogue and is specialized as an arcane trickster, which means that I can use rogueish spells, but again we won't go into the backstory like we talked about, but he's not a rogue by choice. In his past, he was taken from his life and led down the rogueish life, which actually ties well into my flaw, which due to that, I cannot read. And uh-


Spurrier: We'll see how that plays into the story, and the adventures that Randy goes on-

Goodrich: Wait, but you can- You just can't read Common, right? So any- Like, you can read other things?

Spurrier: No, I can't read at all.

[Players talking over one another]

Kyle: You just can't use like- Yeah. 

Spurrier: I think we said I can also only count to twenty because of fingers and toes-

Kyle: Yeah.

Spurrier: I think that was mentioned, so. 

Kyle: But you have to take off your shoes.

Spurrier: Yes, okay, good.

Kyle: Because if you can't- You have to see your toes.


Spurrier: I guess if I'm a halfling, I'm probably not even wearing shoes.

Goodrich: That's a good point.

Kyle: That's true.

Ali: That's the way to go.

Spurrier: I've got the sweet feet meat.

Kyle: You've got Thieves' Cant down, so you know like the symbols and everything that they use, but-

Spurrier: Yeah, visuals I'm good with.

Goodrich: You're more of a tactile learner.

Spurrier: Exactly. I like the pictures. Randy's awesome at Pictionary. Fantasy Pictionary. So yeah. So, uh, oh! I should say, he's from the Hemp Hills, which is where his family's from before he went off on the rogueish life style. Instrument is an organ, kind of a little portable one. Um... The only other thing- My little trinket are some daggers that I inherited, that have been passed down, and actually, I can use those as regular daggers too. So. And that's pretty much Randy.

Kyle: Right on. Randy.

Ali: Yeah. It is.

Goodrich: So we made it easy by using our last name, and then we made two characters that start with R A.

Spurrier: Yeah.

Goodrich: The law of averages there, but that's fine.


Kyle: Excellent, and our next player character is Ali. Why don't you tell us a little bit about your person?

Ali: Sure, yeah. So I'm Ali, and my character, her name is Yashe'rak Bordun, but she'll go by Yashee, so not starting with an R. You're welcome.


Kyle: Thank you. I appreciate that.

Ali: She is a half-orc barbarian, and she's kind of from the road. Her parents were traveling entertainers. Her dad was actually a bard, and her mom was a barbarian. You know they have their hometowns and homeplaces, but she really just grew up on the road. Kind of scrapping and entertaining and everything.

Goodrich: Scrapping and entertaining, like you do.

Ali: So she was sometimes part of her parent's entertainment. She played the spoons, and she'd hambone a little bit- 

Kyle: Do some of that good hamboning.


Ali: -which, yeah, which she grew kind of a strange obsession for, and so one of her flaws is she steals spoons. She kind of has to like have one from every area. You know, it's just one of those weird things. She'll just sneak off, and see a spoon-

Goodrich: Do you combine, does she combine the spoons to get different timbres, different sounds?

Ali: Yeah, um-

Kyle: You're searching for um, maybe like-

Ali: The perfect spoon.

Kyle: Yeah, yeah, the perfect spoon.

Ali: I have my one spoon, and I'm looking for the perfect match to make the sound-

Goodrich: Aw.

Ali: So, that'll occasionally happen. The guys might not know for a while, but, you know, I'll be sneaking around for spoons.

Goodrich: You're like a giant barbarian Cinderella. Looking for her perfect spoon match.

Ali: Yeah. [laughs]

Kyle: That's right.

Ali: And then my instrument, I'm handling the percussion here, so I have a pair of hammer mallets that are like enchanted with arcane magic that my father gave me, and then I also inherited my mother's maul, which is like a bass drum kind of thing. Then my little trinket thing, my random object that I got, is a parchment that has a mechanical schematic on it, and I don't really know what it is yet, or what it's for, but it seemed interesting, so I grabbed it and carry it with me.

Goodrich: It's probably instructions on how to build an actual drum set.

Ali: Yeah. Maybe.


Ali: I'm not the smartest, so I kind of just turn it around and like, no. You know what?

Kyle: Is it upside down?

Ali: Maybe it is. Maybe I'll meet someone that can help me with this.

Goodrich: Give it to Randy, he'll read it for you.


Ali: Yeah, you know.

Kyle: Oh man.

Ali: Yeah, that's Yashee.

Kyle: Excellent. No, that's fantastic. I'm really excited about getting into this. I think we have a good trio on our hands. Of course, since y'all all have your different backstories, y'all are all going to kind of meet at Strumlott's. You won't really know each other, so that's going to give y'all the opportunity to kind of parse things out. Get to know each other, and figure out who each other are. So, you know, that'll be where our first episode takes us. 

Before we get into this, I just want to say a couple of things for those who may have not played DnD before. Pretty much what we're going to do is each of our player characters have a character that has different modifiers based off of their stats, like strength, dexterity, constitution, intelligence, wisdom, and charisma. Those are your base stats that affect all of your abilities and skills. So what they'll do is they'll roll a twenty-sided dice, and that's pretty much your standard dice you're going to roll. Your weapons may have different damage, like some swords do a d6, others a d8, but yeah, so they'll be rolling that, and we'll have them- We're going to try to have them state their full roll. Like list the d20 roll then add their modifier.

Aside from those dice, we're also going to be rolling- We're going to try to write a song for y'all pretty much every episode. So and everything in those songs will be made up on the spot. We'll take a minute, you know, write up the lyrics, and we're going to keep that also in the aleatoric essence of the game, and roll chord dice that Spurrier bought. Pretty much there's just seven chords on an eight-sided dice, and there's a wild one, we haven't figured out what we're doing there yet. But yeah, we're going to roll those, and they're going to take the chords that they're given and write a song appropriate to the scenario going on. Other than that, I guess we should go ahead and get rolling.

[Music plays to indicate the beginning of the adventure]

Kyle: So, you're headed to Strumlott's, which in this world of- In this land of Beetzart as its called. Y'all are getting involved in that, and of course the school isn't like- Y'all aren't like super young or anything. The school admits any and all people who are willing to learn, but y'all send in a letter to enquire, and you received a letter back saying, "Be at this place, this date, this time-"

Goodrich: Saying you're a wizard, Harry. [laughs]

Kyle: [laughs] Yeah, no, it did come by owl-

Goodrich: Welcome to Strumlott's.

Kyle: -you know. It wasn't- Yeah, no, it was the mailing system of Beetzart. That's how-

Goodrich: How is that, Kyle?

Kyle: It mails really quickly? I don't know. It's like tubes. It's a tube system, why not. 

Goodrich: Y'all have pneumatic tubes in the forest where I got my- 

Kyle: It's an underground system. The drow run it. Y'all all know that. Alright-

Goodrich: It's like the mafia picking up your garbage.

Kyle: Yeah, yeah, exactly. You make your way to where the letter tells you to, and you follow this road, and at the end of this road you only see a series of lush green rolling hills that span out in front of you. But you do notice that there are ten other people that are waiting around, and they're all dressed up in bardic gear. Everybody looks like they're there for the same reason. Some are chatting. Some others are kind of keeping to themselves. Some of them look kind of like, cocky, like I'm too good to, you know-

Goodrich: Musicians are like that Kyle.

Kyle: -talk to y'all. You know, there are some out there, but that's to be seen. Y'all are waiting around and eventually an eleventh person walks up, and it's this human who's standing about five and a half feet tall. He has a butler just like, dragging a trunk behind him. He looks kind of, you know, well-to-do, really nice clothing, but looks really, really smug, and he just says-

Kyle (as the cocky guy, who has sort of a New Jersey/old timey gangster accent): Ah, what the hell is this place supposed to be a joke or something? How long have y'all all been waiting here?

Goodrich: And Kyle, the three of us haven't met before?

Kyle: No, y'all haven't met. Y'all all arrived at your own little points.

Goodrich: So we're just three faces in the crowd.

Kyle: Exactly. This is all an individual take-

Goodrich: Gotcha. So, this guy just talks-

Kyle: Yeah, this guy just kind of walks up and looks smug, and he's just like-

Kyle (as the cocky guy): How long y'all been waiting here? Is this some kind of joke or something? I'm here for some real business. 

Kyle: You know, and people kind of look around at him, and some of them just disregard him and look away. Any of y'all say anything?

Goodrich: Say, uh, get a little deep voice action going for Raz'ul. 

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Well, I've only been here for about five minutes.

Ali (as Yashee): I thought this was where we were waiting. This is where it told us to wait, so. 

Spurrier: Randy just stares daggers at him.

Goodrich: Right! [laughs]

Kyle (as cocky guy): What's your problem, little guy?

Kyle: And right as that's happening, there's a loud crack that pierces the air-

[Loud crack sound effect]

Kyle: -and a plume of smoke in the center of the group, and this letter falls from the air. 

Goodrich: I got it. It says "S" though. Is that for Spurrier?

Kyle: You just keep opening it. No, it's-

Ali: Who's Spurrier? (laughs)

Kyle: It's probably for a certain school in the land.

Goodrich: Okay, so I read it-

Ali: For "school?"


Kyle: No, not for school, for a certain school-

Ali: [still laughing] Okay.

Goodrich: So, I read this to myself. Did anyone see me catch it? Or-

Kyle: Oh, no, yeah. It was pretty loud, pretty- Everybody kind of turned and looked and saw it fall to the ground.
Goodrich: I still just read it to myself. It says-

[Music begins playing as he reads the letter]

Goodrich: "Test one: Strike me with an A, or an, like when people make a plan, or when we are in harmony. At minimum, the voices three, what am I?" So, that's- So, one more time, so we can all digest it-

Kyle: Are you going to read it out loud to them, or are you still just reading it to yourself in your head? Because nobody else can hear it. Nobody else can see it.

Goodrich: Right. Raz'ul just throws it back at the ground.

Kyle: Okay, y'all see the dwarf in the area walk over and pick it up, and read it, and then just throw it on the ground.

Spurrier: Say-

Spurrier (as Randy): Hey, dwarf, what'd you see there?

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Listen here, little halfling feller, I don't really care about what's on that. I just really came here to play my guitar, Axe, and, uh, learn how to shred, but uh-

Kyle: Y'all noticed, as y'all are kind of conversing, everybody's starting to pool around y'all, and people are like, "What does it say? What's on the card?"

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Little halfling, what's it say?

Spurrier: Randy shall read it.

Kyle: You take it.

Goodrich: So what do you say?

Spurrier: I'm looking at it, and you know, I feel like I've got it? But-

Goodrich: [laughing] Are you saying this out loud? 

Spurrier: Yeah.

Spurrier (as Randy): I feel like I've got this, and it's just not worth sharing. I feel like someone else could really uh-

Ali: I'm kind of standing behind you, towering over, like-

Ali (as Yashee): Come on, read it out loud. Let's hear it!

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Read it out to all of us.

Spurrier (as Randy): You think you're so tough, half-orc-

Kyle (as the other bards): Read it out! Yeah, what does it say?

Spurrier (as Randy): Here, half-orc, you just take it. 

Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, just give it to me. [Music begins playing again] "Strike me with an A or an, like when two people make a plan, or when we are in harmony, at minimum, the voices three. What am I?" Is this some kind of a joke?

Kyle: Everybody's like, what is this? The really cocky guy from earlier's just like-

Ali (as Yashee): It does say "Test Number One," so-

Kyle (as cocky guy): This is ridiculous-

Goodrich: Raz'ul just kind of looks up at the sky and says-

[As Raz'ul speaks, the music begins again]

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Hm. Voices three, huh? Maybe some sort of triad, or triadic-

Ali (as Yashee): It does say harmony-

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): A chord, maybe?

Kyle: Okay, as soon as you finish saying that word, you start to hear music fill the air-

[Majestic orchestral music plays as Kyle describes the scene]

Kyle: -and it slowly just pours in. And as this music starts to fill your ears, you actually start to see the waves of the music filling the air as well. As these waves completely fill your vision, they begin to take shape, forming into a large hall. The floors, the walls, the ceiling all around you are the first thing to appear. Then, you can see banners lining the wall, each of them unfurling and bearing their own instrument, and at the tip of them bearing a monogrammed "S" at the bottom. You are now standing in the main foyer of Strumlott's.

Goodrich: Oh, dang.

Kyle: Behind you, there's a large double door- Uh, double door made of instruments that are fused- Good job, you did- You solved the riddle. A chord.

Goodrich: Yeah. [laughs]

Kyle: So you see the door behind you, and it's made of instruments that are fused together to form one solid piece. So you see trumpets fused to clarinets, bassoons fused to baritones. Each instrument layered in such a way that you can't see through the door. It is a solid door. At the other end of the foyer is a small double door which, as you notice this, starts to creak open. An older woman- A human woman walks in. She's wearing large, thick square glasses and has slightly disheveled brown frizzy hair. Despite this, she carries herself with confidence, and when she speaks, she says, "New class, please come this way for advising." and walks back through the door, and, you know, kind of gesturing y'all to follow her as she walks back through.

Goodrich: Alright. Raz'ul kind of follows.

Spurrier: Yeah. As I walk by, I say-

Spurrier (as Randy): Nicely done, dwarf. You solved the puzzle.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Oh, well, thank you.

Kyle: Everyone's kind of clapping your back like, yeah, you figured it out pretty well. That's good stuff.

Goodrich: Raz'ul's feeling pretty good. Alright, yeah. 

Kyle: Good- Good first impression.

Goodrich: Thanks everybody.

Kyle: You head down the hallway, and you get to the point where's there's the double doors, but there's a small alcove to the right of the doors, and you notice that there's- That in this alcove, there's a display. You see a bust of a halfling with a large grin on his face, and next to this bust is an interesting display that contains a very, very old looking lute. It only has a couple strings left on it. There's like a hole in it, but carved near the sound hold on the lute is "B.S." so, BS. There's an obvious barrier around the display. It shimmers with like a rainbow kind of hue, so just surrounds it, but under the bust of this halfling, there is a plaque. Nobody- Everybody else just kind of looks at it and walks through. Do any of y'all take a moment to read it? What do y'all want to do?

Spurrier: Randy goes on over and says-

Spurrier (as Randy): Ummm, hey! Half-orc. Dwarf. You guys interested in this little plaque here? It's pretty nice.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Yeah. You must be especially interested. It's a halfling, like you. Who is this guy? What's it say?

Ali: You're already down there. What is uh- What have you got then?

Spurrier (as Randy): So there's a little bit of a glare in my eye.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Oh right, there's a glare. [laughs]

Spurrier (as Randy): It's the angle. It's the height that I'm at.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Mrs. Uh, I guess- 

Goodrich: Can we tell you're a half-orc? I guess.

Kyle: Yeah.

Ali: I'm pretty tall and pretty orcy looking.

Kyle: I think she stands like three feet taller than y'all.

Ali: Yeah, I'm up here in the clouds.

Spurrier: So I kind of like, yeah, so I kind of yank on your tunic, or whatever you're wearing.

Ali (as Yashee): What's up little guy?

Spurrier (as Randy): Ma'am, could you read it for us please?

Ali (as Yashee): Way down there? Uh-

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): We've both got glares kind of in both of our eyes. You know how it goes.

Ali (as Yashee): Okay.

Ali: So I get way down, like, on my hands and knees-

Goodrich: And you're still taller than us.


Kyle: And you don't see the glare that they're talking about, you-

Ali: Right.

Kyle: You can read it fine. 

Goodrich: I'm just disinterested. I just like don't really care, I guess, about this-

Ali: Well, I'm reading.

Kyle: Are you reading this out loud or to yourself?

Ali: I'll read it to my- Out loud.

Kyle: Well yeah. So you read the plaque. It says, "This is our best guess as to what Barenthall Strumlott looked like based off the limited historical documents that were written about him after the Age of Dissonance. Barenthall was one of the few responsible for ending the terrors of that age through the banishment of Gregor Casmort, leader of the cult that nearly brought the world to its knees. Barenthall spent the rest of his days attempting to collect what little traces of written history and knowledge was left, and despite the limited findings, he never seized his efforts-"

Ali: This is a really long plaque. 

Goodrich: I know, jeez. How long is this plaque? 

Ali: Gonna, keep on going. Gonna finish it up.

Kyle: "-the whereabouts of his resting place are unknown. The last document found in relation to Barenthall says that he headed North to the Terrapin Isles and was never heard from again. To the left is the only artifact of Barenthall's the college has been able to obtain. The college has the efforts of the Bureau of Arcanic Regulation to thank for bringing this artifact to us as a gift to our fair school."

Goodrich: So, I'm going to say like, Raz'ul's kind of eyeing that lute because I've got my axe, right, my little guitar axe? He's kind of like, you know, okay, I see.

Ali: I get off my hands and knees, and I'm like, that was a nice little history lesson. I'm gonna go get in line for the advisor. That was cute.

Goodrich: Yeah, I'm with you. That was swell, but I'm bored.

Kyle: Alright, so you continue through the double doors, and you enter into this square room. [Jaunty piano music beings playing] There's three other doors other than the one you entered through. The door on the left has a sign above it that says "Residence Hall/Rehearsal Spaces," the door in front of you says "Dormitories, Commissary, and Cafe," and the door to the right says "Advising Offices and Storage." By the time y'all get in there, everybody's already taken a seat in the chairs that line the room. From the door to the right, the same lady walks through, and she has a stack of forms in her hand. She begins handing them out. As she hands them out, she says-

Kyle (as woman): Welcome to Strumlott's. I'm your advisor, Brenda McDade. Please fill these out and hand them back in, and afterwards I will escort you to Residence Hall for grouping.

Kyle: So she all hands you one. Y'all three are still standing up. She walks up, she's like- 

Kyle (as Brenda): Please have a seat and, uh, you know, fill these out. And we'll get y'all squared away.

Goodrich: Which is super funny because like, Spurrier and I are really short, and Ali is really huge in the same size chairs.


Kyle: Well, yeah. She like squats to- Oh, yeah, yeah, sitting in the chairs, like-

Ali: I squeeze in there, like, ugh-

Kyle: Y'all like jump up a little bit to get into it-

Spurrier: Our feet are dangling.

Goodrich: We have to climb up the side of the chair.

Kyle: Make a climb check. Or an athletics check-

Ali: A sitting check.

Goodrich: I got a three.

Spurrier: Oh man you did not get up that chair at all-

Goodrich: I sure did not-

Kyle: You actually-

Goodrich: I'm going to just fall over on my-

Spurrier: I got a three as well.

Ali: I pick both of em up and just like stick them in the chair, like, here you go guys.

Kyle: Let me paint this scene real quick. Okay. So y'all to go sit in the three remaining chairs, and like, Yashee, you just sit down, and Randy and Raz'ul, you'll kind of like jump up to scoot in, but your butts hit the edge of the chair-


Kyle: -and you just slide right off, and like, land on your keister, and then at that point, Yashee kind of like, picks y'all up and puts you in your chairs.

Goodrich: Aw, yeah. Nice.

Ali: Hey boys.

Kyle: There's a small chuckle in the room. Everyone is kind of laughing.

Spurrier: I'm kind of grumbling like, “Eh just pick me up again.” [grumbling]

Goodrich: Randy crushes it into a ball deep into his soul to save for later.


Kyle: But yeah, so everybody- You know, y'all are all filling out the forms, and everything like that, and getting through it.

Spurrier: So, is everyone currently busy filling out their form?

Kyle: Yeah, after a good chuckle of seeing two people fall on their butts, they- they- you know, everybody gets back into their own form. Filling it out.

Spurrier: And is Brenda up at the front?

Kyle: No, she's walked back through the advising door, you know, saying, I'll be back in, you know, she's taking about five minutes or so.

Spurrier: Okay. I'm gonna do a stealth to see if I can stealth my way into her office to, uh-

Kyle: Oh, you're gonna try to sneak in? Okay, yeah. By all means go right ahead.

Goodrich: It's more of like a cool check, you know what I mean? You know where you're going, and-

Spurrier: Well, I don't want the other students to notice me-

Goodrich: A confidence check.

Spurrier: Oh, that's a twenty-five.

Goodrich: Ooh.

Kyle: Oh, I rolled for the group, and everybody's super into filling out their forms. Raz'ul, Yashee, what are y'all gonna do? Are y'all gonna try to perceive, or are y'all in your form? What's going on?

Goodrich: No, I'm into- I'm into my form.

Ali: I see him hop up, but I don't pay much attention to it.

Goodrich: After all the time I spent in the forest, I-

Kyle: If you want to actually see him hop up, like your natural perception? Like, there's a thing called passive perception, which is just like I walk into a room, and I see a couch, a TV, and like, you know, but if you want to be on that, you would have to roll a perception roll. So what did you roll again, Randy?

Spurrier: A twenty-five.

Kyle: Yeah, so you need to roll a perception roll if you don't- if you don't meet or beat a twenty-five, you won't see.

Ali: Like, I don't even notice he gets up? He's right next to me.

Kyle: Yeah, he's super stealthy.

Spurrier: I'm Randy.

Goodrich: I straight up can't beat a twenty-five, so.

Kyle: Yeah. The only thing that would beat would be a natural twenty, if you can't-

Ali: Uh. It's a fourteen, so.

Kyle: Yeah, no, you- You're involved in your thing too. You're kinda reading through it.

Ali: Gotcha.

Spurrier: I'm sneaking-

Kyle: Yeah, you sneak on. You make it through the room- make it through the doorway. Nobody notices. You see a hallway of like, you know, doors to the left and the right. They kind of have windows in them. You know, typical teacher office areas that you can see into, and people are working and papers and everything. And you see Brenda McDade walk down to her office. It's the third one on the right, and she walks in. What are you gonna do at this point?

Spurrier: I go up to her and I say, um-

Spurrier (as Randy): Excuse me, Brenda-

Kyle: Okay, so you walk up behind her and you kind of like, tug at her- tug at her skirt and everything-


Kyle: She turns around, and like, looks down-

Goodrich: There's a lot of skirt-tugging.

Kyle: She's like, "Oh, um," and she like, flips through some things.

Kyle (as Brenda): Are you- uh, Randall?

Spurrier (as Randy): Randy.

Kyle (as Brenda): Oh, I'm sorry.

Spurrier (as Randy): That's alright.

Kyle (as Brenda): Okay, what can I help you with? Are you- Do you have a question about the form?

Spurrier (as Randy): When it comes to filling out the form, uh, is Fantasy Pictionary something that you're very well versed in?"

Kyle (as Brenda): Oh, I've not played Pictionary in a long time. The last time it was with my family. Um, I've played the game before, but if you could f-

Goodrich: Does she kind of like, take a long pause after that? After saying the last time with her family? She kind of looks up at the ceiling, and…

Kyle: She's like, reminiscing? About like-

Goodrich: Like, trails off a little bit?

Kyle: "Oh, my family." Yeah, she works way too often. You can kind of tell. Like, little time.

Spurrier: Poor Brenda.

Kyle: Yeah, she puts in some hard hours. She's like-

Kyle (as Brenda): Well, uh, are you needing some help filling out the form? What's-

Spurrier (as Randy): Well if uh, if pictures will suffice, then uh, that would be our best form, for this form. Otherwise, we may, uh, need some assistance.

Kyle (as Brenda): Uh, I would gladly provide you assistance. Cause reading would be much easier.

[Goodrich laughing]

Spurrier (as Randy): Oh, alright.

Kyle (as Brenda): Um, do you need me transcribe, I guess?

Spurrier (as Randy): A dictation would be wonderful.

Kyle: Okay. Okay. Well she-

Spurrier (as Randy): Most appreciated.

Kyle: She invites you into her office-

Goodrich: She doesn't skip her beat.


Kyle: She doesn't, no, pretty much I'll have a conversation about everything she has on the form. So, y'all fill out all that information, and-

Goodrich: Maybe it's that illiteracy is something that is rampant around Beetzart. I mean, who knows. So. 

Kyle: We'll have to get out into the world to find out.

Spurrier: Should I see if I can sneak back without-

Kyle: Yeah, by all means. You finish up, and it doesn't take too long because she knows everything like, as far as, what exactly to ask and how to phrase it. What did you get?

Spurrier: This time a nineteen.

Kyle: Okay. This time you walk back through, and Brenda actually follows you, and she's got a large stack of books with her. She walks back through with you, and everybody kind of looks up because they're done, so. Everybody notices you walk back in with her. I- I'm gonna say that y'all notice because, you know, y'all have finished it up by the time so you're kind of just waiting for Brenda to return.

Goodrich: Well, I say-

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Well, that was nice, helping her get her books. Way to go, little guy.

Spurrier (as Randy): I do what I can.

Kyle: Yeah, you hear somebody say, “Brown noser." 


Kyle: But, uh... But yeah, so she comes back in, and she sets the books down on this table. She asks-

Kyle (as Brenda): Has everybody completed their packets?

Kyle: And majority of the room says, yes, yes all around.

[Players say yes]

Kyle: She goes around and collects them, and says-

Kyle (as Brenda): I'm going to dole out your journals now. As part of the school, you're required to keep a record of the events that happen in your travels and as you're working for the school and learning. We take this information and as you- We compile it into your group history. So we take each person's, you know, own experiences, and just compile that into one of those nice little square blurbs you see in history books. But, please take these books and fill them out. You fill them out on your travels.

Ali (as Yashee): Ohh. Okay, that makes sense.

Kyle: And she goes around. She doles out like, just journals, they're basically journals that she's handing out. They all kind of look the same. So, she's like-

Kyle (as Brenda): You can turn these in here, or at any of the campuses around the- around the country, so uh, but by all means go ahead and gather your things and follow me. We'll be taking you to Resident Hall where you'll be grouped.

Kyle: So everybody picks up their stuff, and uh-

Goodrich: Sorting hat situation.

Kyle: Yeah, yeah. So y'all all- She leads you down a long hallway. The door to the left that leads to Resident Hall- Sorry, it actually curves to the right as you're walking down it, and you can see pictures of different bards here and there. There's no like, name labels, but it's just. You know. Fancy looking bards that are honorary in the school. But y'all are walking down this hall. Eventually it leads to a main door ahead of you, and then there's a door to the right, and it's like stage entrances. And different levels of entrances into this hall. But she takes you to the main entrance and opens this door. The room is uncommonly pitch black, except for a large spotlight and a circle in the center of the room. She says-

Kyle (as Brenda): Please move to the spotlight. And we will begin shortly.

Goodrich: I say, I raise my hand, and I say-

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): You mean all of us? All of us go to the spotlight?

Ali: Squeeze in there-

Goodrich: I'm just getting kind of nervous, you know, as you do when you're about to get, like-

Kyle: Spotlit?

Goodrich: Right.

Kyle: When the spotlight's on you, you get nervous? Is that what you're saying?

Goodrich: Yeah, yeah that. Yes.

Kyle: That's very unbecoming of bards.

Goodrich: Well, you know- Fine. Right. My bad.

Kyle (as Brenda): Yes, be prepared to be in the spotlight. I- I'm the advisor. I'm not your teacher. I have not earned that. I'm just. Mm.

Goodrich: Again, she looks off to the ceiling. [laughing]

Kyle: Yeah, she's kind of just like, "Ah, dammit."

Goodrich: Spacing out.

Kyle: Yeah, but she's like please proceed, and everyone else just walks through. The nine other people that are with y'all walk through, and you can hear them all rambling, talking to each other, and everything about the information that they asked for. Y'all are made to wait for about five minutes before you hear this very gentle kind of voice, [music begins playing] but very loud. It fills the room, and you hear this voice say-

Kyle (as the voice): Thank you for patience. It was difficult deciding what note class to put each of you in. Considering all the different talents and abilities here, each note class has been carefully picked so that each person in that class will benefit from the other two's fortes and shortcomings.

Ali: Heh heh. Forte. See what you did there.

Kyle: Ah, yeah.

Goodrich: A bunch of the other kids laugh when she says shortcomings.

Kyle (as the voice): I hear you laughing down there, and I'm sure you get the joke.


Kyle (as the voice): We'll get this done quickly so you can meet your teachers. I will call your group, then the people in your group. Group C, we have Tabitha Wright, Garreth North, Ilda Glintrock. Your teacher is going to be Christina Blackblade. Group B, we have Horace First, Nernla Stormtree, Areneth Jadebranch. Your teacher is John Brickswinger. Group B Flat-

Goodrich: [snickers] B Flat!

Kyle (as the voice): -Tom Lennon, Pimble Glitterstone, Sam Lasseter. Your teacher is Vera Diamond. Group A, Yashee Bordun, Randall Greentrees, Raz'ul son of Daz’ul.

Kyle: You hear some people kind of murmur when your full name is said.

Kyle (as the voice): Your teacher will be Symbol.

Kyle: At that point you hear a larger murmur rise out of the group. You also hear some murmur coming out of the surrounding area that's blacked out that you can't see in. She finally says-

Kyle (as the voice): New students, I'd like to welcome you to Strumlott's. Let me officially introduce you to your teachers. Please, teachers come down.

Kyle: The lights come up, and you can actually see that you're in a large, of course it's the Residence Hall, so it's a large performance hall, but everything is centered around the circle. There's students in there, and everyone stands up and is just like respectfully clapping.

Goodrich: Oh dang, nice.

Kyle: There's these four ways that people can walk in from an offstage way straight to the center. There's only three teachers that walk up, and the three teachers address the other group. Y'all are just left alone for a moment. You hear the voice from before just say, "Where is Symbol?" and you hear some whispering and what not. And-

Spurrier: What was it? Symbol?

Kyle: Symbol, yeah.

Spurrier: Symbol, okay.

Kyle: Symbol is your teacher's name.

Ali: Symbooll.

Goodrich: Symbol.

Kyle: You hear-

Kyle (as the voice): Group A, I apologize. This is very unbecoming of our teachers. Symbol must have been running late from his recent errand.

Goodrich: Nice.

Kyle (as the voice): Please just follow the ramp up to where he would have come from.

Kyle: You can see that ramp lit up, so there's arrows you follow and everything.

Spurrier: And we're Group A.

Kyle: Yeah, and you're Group A.

Spurrier: This is our- Okay.

Kyle: Yeah, so she's like-

Kyle (as the voice): Group A please proceed to this room, and we will try to locate Symbol and have him be here as quick as possible. We apologize. We thought he was here already.

Goodrich: I kind of nudge Randy, and I'm like, "Get a load of this guy. Not even here. Maybe I should've stayed in the forest."

Kyle: Not a very good first impression is it?

Ali: I mean, he's got like one name. Those kind of people. Always a little full of themselves. I think.

Goodrich: Ho hoh! Shots fired! Okay.

Kyle: Everybody starts to disperse after that. You can see all of the other students that are in the hall breaking off with their teachers and going back up the paths that the teachers came from as well. Just to have their own little meeting. Y'all walk up that pathway. Y'all are made to wait a little while. It's like another ten minutes, and there's a single door on the other side of this room that you're waiting on. After the ten minutes or so, the door actually opens, and a man of medium height walks in, and he's eating a pudding cup. He walks up to y'all. He just kind of saunters in, eating his pudding cup really quietly. He's wearing leather armor with a purple crushed velvet renaissance style hat. He spends a couple minutes just finishing his pudding and eyeing you all down, and as he takes his pudding-

Goodrich: Raz'ul says-

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Yeah, take your time, please. It's not like this is an important day for the rest of us. Enjoy your pudding."

Kyle: He's about to take the last bite, and he looks at you and puts the spoon in his mouth, and finally he's like-

Kyle (as Symbol): [deep breath] Raz'ul you need new strings.

Kyle: He turns around and waves his hand in a dismissive manner, and starts to walk out the door.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): "Whoah, hey hey. New strings? What are you talking about?

Kyle (as Symbol): Um, well-

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): My strings are fine, see? [plays a few out of tune guitar chords] Oh-

Kyle (as Symbol): Oh, that's not fine at all actually. That's like I was saying. You need some new strings.

Goodrich: I want to point out that like, that was kind of. I really meant to play something, but the guitar almost took my hand and made it slip, and I'm like freaking out now because I'm like, whoah that never happens. He thinks, "What, that was weird."

Ali: Yashee's thinking like, "Oh great."

Kyle: I told you.

Goodrich: Yeah, you guys like. Look at this scrub. Can't even play his instrument.

Ali: In the group with the guy who can't even play his instrument.

Kyle (as Symbol): To answer your question further about why you need new strings, that was mere talent, but- or lack thereof, but the real reason you need strings is we all know that music is a powerful element, and as you should know by now, the vibrations we make go into this world and can affect things emotionally, mentally, physically. Your strings are great for this plane but lack the ability to reverberate through the ethereal plane. This keeps me from teaching you all that I know. So, please, go out and get new strings. I hope to see all of you return.

Kyle: He makes a reference to somebody really tall, and he turns around and begins to walk out the door again.

Goodrich: But- But wait, where do we get strings? Is there a fantasy Guitar Center? I guess I would ask-

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Where do I get my strings?

Kyle: Well, he's still walking, so he's basically forcing y'all to have to walk with him to keep up and continue this conversation.

Goodrich: Ohhhh, I thought he was just leaving us. Okay.

Kyle: No, no. He's just walking away-

Goodrich: So we're just following him. Gotcha.

Kyle:  -and if y'all want to keep actually asking him questions you're gonna have to follow him.

Goodrich: Okay. I follow, and I'm like-

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Yo, hey, Prof, where do I get these strings from? Cause, I feel like these strings were pretty good until I just played just then. That was weird, but. Yeah. Where do I find crazy-

Kyle (as Symbol): You can call me Symbol.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): O-okay.

Kyle (as Symbol): That is my name.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Symbol.

Ali (as Yashee): Like, Mr. Symbol? Or just-

Kyle (as Symbol): No.

Spurrier(as Randy): Dr. Symbol?

Kyle (as Symbol): No. Just Symbol.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Couldn't get that doctorate, huh.

Kyle (as Symbol): That's not what this is about.

Ali (as Yashee): Is that a one word, like, Symbol, or is it like Sym Ball?

Spurrier (as Randy): DJ Symbol?

Goodrich: [laughing] DJ Symbol.

Kyle (as Symbol): [sighing] No. It's just Symbol.

Ali (as Yashee): Just Symbol. I just want to make sure it's right.

Spurrier (as Randy): Okay, do we need to modify it with crash or ride or-

Kyle (as Symbol): Nope.

Spurrier (as Randy): -china?

Kyle (as Symbol): No. No, not that kind of cymbal.

Spurrier (as Randy): Splash?

Kyle (as Symbol): No. Damn it. Damn it!

Spurrier (as Randy): Ooh, I like Splash Cymbal though.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): That's good.

Spurrier (as Randy): Let's call him Splash Cymbal.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): I'm gonna call him Splash Cymbal with you.

Spurrier (as Randy): Yeah.

Kyle (as Symbol): Why did I take this job? Why did I take this job?

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Hey, Splash. Where do we get the strings?

Ali: [laughing] Splash.

Kyle (as Symbol): [pained] I'm about to relinquish my ... my position at this school already.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): But first, strings. Where do I get them?

Kyle (as Symbol): To the point! Thank you. Ah. Well, perhaps the town of Lakeridge has a tale or two. They could lead you to something that is a better quality of string. Of course, you know, you can buy strings anywhere, but you need a certain type of string. [starts singing] So perhaps you could grab a pint and grab a stool. Drink the former whole. You can eat, and you can duel at Durden's Punchbowl.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Oh. Hey. What's up with that?

Kyle: And then begins to walk around, and he actually makes a corner- Like as he's walking around the corner, he's kinda whistling the tune, [whistling] and kind of disappears around the corner.

Goodrich: Can we still follow?

Kyle: You can.

Goodrich: I follow. That's what I say to you guys. [laughs] I turn around and say-

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): I follow.

Kyle: Does anybody else follow after him?

Ali: Sure.

Spurrier: Yeah.

Ali: I want to see where this train goes.

Kyle: Okay, so you follow him around the corner, and you hear the whistling [whistling returns], and you see Symbol from the back, but as you approach him- You walk around him. He's stopped. So you walk around and you realize it's actually just like a fake statue. He's left a replica of himself in that position, and you can still hear the whistling. It's just a fake version of him.

Goodrich: Ah Vampir!


Kyle: Anyway, so, at this point, y'all are left with that information of Durden’s Punchbowl and Lakeridge, and your teacher has left you already.

Spurrier (as Randy): Ah, Splash.

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): This guy straight sucks. All I want to know is where to buy strings, and I guess we're going to the Punchbowl.

Ali (as Yashee): Should be an interesting semester.

Spurrier: Do we already know about this town? Does this mean anything to us? Do we know anything about the world-

Kyle: Yeah. Y'all know where Lakeridge is. Lakeridge was one of the cities that you came through to get to Strumlott’s. It was the road that led out of- You left from Lakeridge to Strumlott’s, so it's just the town North of where you're at.

Spurrier: Cool.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Well, I mean, guys, I don't know if you want to come with me. If you guys, you know, gotta go set your dorm room up. Put the posters on your wall, and see about joining a frat or sorority, but Im gonna go head over to this, you know, the Punchbowl and see about these strings. If you guys wanna come, cool. I mean, I guess we should start get to know each other because we're gonna be-

Ali (as Yashee): Teamin' up.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): It sounds like we're gonna be in a team.

Spurrier (as Randy): In a team.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): But, you know. It's whatever you guys wanna do. So.

Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, I'm willing to check it out. Maybe they've got some sweet percussion I can add to my set up.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Randy?

Spurrier (as Randy): I've got nothing better to do.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): That makes me feel great. Okay.

Kyle: Everybody give me a perception check real quick.

Ali: I've got nineteen.

Goodrich: Ooh, that's a natural twent, Kyle.

Spurrier: Wow. I got twelve.

Goodrich: So, for me that would be a twenty four.

Kyle: Y'all are kind of talking about this, and you didn't really check out- You just try to talk to this statuesque version of your teacher, and you didn't notice there was a little sack hanging under his coat.


Goodrich: What, Kyle-

Kyle: Yeah, under his flap- no. It's got a sack, and it just says, if you need me, use these.

Ali: But we didn't see that.

Kyle: You didn't see it at first.

Spurrier: Now we see it. Now we see the sack, and it all becomes clear.

Ali (as Yashee): Whoah, what's that sack right there? Do you see that guys?

Kyle: It's big.

Spurrier (as Randy) Big sack.

Ali (as Yashee): It's probably the biggest sack-

Goodrich: Someone just grab it already. Just grab it.

Kyle: Who's gonna grab that sack?

Spurrier: Randy.

Kyle: Okay, so you grab that sack, and there's a tinkling-

Spurrier: I could reach way up-


Kyle: -there's a tinkling of glass inside when you reach it, and it feels like there's three glass cylinders inside there. You open it up, and there's a note in there, and it says, "Whisper into these soft messages, and speak the name of the person you wish to contact. If they have one of these, they'll be able to hear you. This is the ira glass."

Spurrier: Nice. So, I take mine, put it up to my mouth, and I say-

Spurrier (as Randy): Hey, Splash.

Kyle: You don't hear anything come back.

Spurrier (as Randy): [whispering] Splaash. Hey Splash.

Kyle: Give me an intelligence roll.

Goodrich: Did you hand us one too? Or did you just take one?

Spurrier: No, I just took one.

Kyle: Yeah, there is three. Y'all each have one.

Goodrich: Okay. Gotcha.

Spurrier: Intelligence. That would be an eleven.

Kyle: You start to try to say this and you're like, wait, that's not his name.

Spurrier: Well. I just leave it be then. I stow it away. So what are these called?

Kyle: They're called the Ira Glass.

Spurrier: Ira Glass. Right.

Kyle: You speak a soft message to a person.

Spurrier (as Randy): Speak the name. Splash. He's gonna respond.

Goodrich: So we have to speak-

Kyle: Not under that name.

Goodrich: So we have to speak their name first.

Kyle: Yeah, you have to say their name, then say the message you want to whisper to 'em. Remember, you've got to speak softly, and have a good time.

Spurrier (as Randy): Hey. Hey there boy.

Kyle: [quietly] I want you to know in about two minutes a dragon's gonna walk around the corner. Cause that's the Ira Glass.


Kyle: So yeah.

Goodrich: I'm gonna go ahead and whisper into mine-

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Hey, uh, Symbol? Symbol, are you there? Over. Chh.

Kyle (as Symbol): Already? What?

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Yeah, um. Thanks.

Kyle: You don't hear anything.

Spurrier (as Randy): Can you ask him if he will respond to Splash?

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Also, would you respond to Splash for us please?

Kyle (as Symbol): Never.

Spurrier (as Randy): It would be a good codename.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): It's good bonding. It's usually good to having nicknames for each other.

Kyle (as Symbol): Uh, we're not there yet, but I like the sentiment.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Roger.

Kyle (as Symbol): Give it time.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Raz'ul Out. Chh.

Kyle (as Symbol): What was that sound?

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Over, I guess, sorry.

Kyle (as Symbol): What was that chh sound?

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Nothing! Over and out.

Kyle (as Symbol): Okay. Bye bye.

Goodrich: Okay. So, I guess now we're heading over to, what was it called?

Ali: Durden's Punchbowl.

Kyle: Y'all are pretty much- Yeah, this is more or less the first thing that your teacher is telling you to do as part of tutoring and-

Ali: We're on a mission.

Kyle: -everything like that. So he's already sending y'all out. It's about a half day's travel to Lakeridge. Y'all get there close to around night time. Around dusk. You arrive in Lakeridge, which is a smaller village. There's not any kind of wall around it. Just kind of open to any potential attack.

Goodrich: But quaint.

Kyle: Small farms dot the main road once you get closer to the town. Most of the building are stone walls with thatched roofs. There's militia around and a typical town guard and everything. The town guard- You can kind of ask him, "Oh, you know, where's Durden? I was here recently and trying to remember where this place is,” and he points you down the road to where Durden's Punchbowl is. There's a couple of other places in the town that y'all remember coming through here earlier. There's Larry's Leathers, which you can get leather armor and goods if you need them. Magical E-Day, which is a place that basically, if there's something magical that you need to sell, and you can't find a place to sell it, you can take it there.

Goodrich: What was it called, Kyle?

Kyle: Magical E-Day.

Goodrich: [laughing] Okay.

Kyle: And then there's Gernmaw's Soup House, which is a homeless house, and then there's also another store called "Need Something Sharp," and you can buy simple weapons and-

Ali: Pointy things.

Goodrich: Is the logo like a sharp symbol?

Kyle: Yes.

Goodrich: A hashtag for the layman, I guess? Just weird-

Kyle: Or a pound.

Goodrich: Right, or a pound.

Kyle: Depending on, you know, where you come from and what you're into. Alright, but yeah. Do y'all want to head straight to Durden's? Is there anything y'all want to check out? Any questions y'all have for the guard that y'all talked to?

Spurrier (as Randy): Say, hey, do you know anything about this Symbol guy?

Kyle: Oh, and he's like-

Kyle (as Guard): Oh, Symbol? Yeah, absolutely. He's one of the most fantastic performers in the land.

Spurrier (as Randy): What's he play?

Kyle (as Guard): You name it. It's just all over the place.

Goodrich: He's like a Todd Rundgren.

Kyle (as Guard): He's been touring for a long time, and I heard recently he's decided to take a backseat to the hard life of traveling and teach down at Strumlott’s. Perhaps, y'all maybe know that already.

Kyle: And he eyes y'all and sees your instruments and everything like that. And he's like-

Kyle (as Guard): But perhaps you're here to take care of your first gig?

Ali (as Yashee): Perhaps.

Spurrier (as Randy): Perhaps.

Kyle (as Guard): Y'all look a little. You know. Fresh behind the gills, so.

Goodrich: Green behind the gills?

Kyle: Is it green behind the gills?

Goodrich: I think so.

Kyle: I don't know.

Goodrich: I like fresh too.

Kyle: I like 'em fresh because I want it fresh. I don't like spoiled fish. I like it fresh behind the gills.

Goodrich: Yeah, right, yeah.

Kyle: Alright, so, y'all make your way over to Durden's. You enter into Durden's Punchbowl and the smell of beer-soaked wood and cooked meats just enters your nose as soon as you open the door. As far as patrons go, there are three at the bar. There's a family of four sharing a table, like it's a human mom, dad, and two daughters.

Goodrich: All with giant pints of beer.

Kyle: Yeah, even the daughters. They have bigger pints than their dad, and then there's two people sitting at a little table by themselves. It's a human and a half-elf, and they're having a conversation. Then there's a lone half-elf standing in a corner with a list- Looks like he's checking things off. The three at the bar, you actually recognize them. You recognize two of them as being other students that were with y'all earlier, and you also notice the very contemptuous guy that arrived and was like "What is this, a joke?"

Goodrich: Right, yeah.

Kyle: That was-

Goodrich: That clown.

Kyle: Y'all learned really quick that that is Garreth North. You heard him talking at a certain point. We'll just go ahead and retcon that. You walk in and Garreth is obviously upset. The two that are with him is- accompanied with him is a gnome and a half-elf. As they're standing there, Garreth is at ends with the bartender. Talking about like, "Oh, come on, you wouldn't want to have this kind of talent in your place? Bringing in more business, more money." and the bartender's just like, "Not with that attitude, man, you need to check yourself, cause like, that's not how you go about things." He's kind of gesturing to the other dudes like, "I can't- Can you believe this, Ilda?" and Ilda slinks away, already looking kind of like "Oh, geez," and Tabitha pulls this thing where she lifts up her shirt hides her nose and laughs a little bit. So, she's chuckling under the shirt, and Garreth looks at her and shoots her a look.

Spurrier: Wait, did you name him Garreth because it's kind of like Gary from Poke'mon?

Kyle: Yeah.


Kyle: In fact, I have it written-

Goodrich: I hate him even more now.

Kyle: I had it written in here that basically, he's going to be the Gary to our Ash. The Johnny Lawrence to our Daniel Sun. So yeah.

Goodrich: Excellent.

Spurrier: The Draco to our Harry.


Kyle: Yeah. Pretty- More or less. He is the dick kid in school. So-

Goodrich: Right. Is he underage or something? And he's like throwing a stink or something? What's the drinking age in this town?

Kyle: Let’s see how old he is. He’s eighteen. I mean, there’s girls drinking-

Spurrier: Girls trying to get wolfed up. Does Garreth have a glass? Is he drinking anything?

Kyle: No- He doesn't have- They don't have drinks. It looks like they're just standing there like conversing with the bartender.

Spurrier: Is there a glass that's close by him?

Kyle: Yeah, there's an old mug that was unattended.

Spurrier: Okay. Is the barkeep currently looking at Garreth, or is he off doing stuff?

Kyle: Yeah, he's engaged with Garreth. They're having this conversation when y'all walk in.

Spurrier: Okay. Then, I turn over to Raz'ul. I say-

Spurrier (as Randy): You gonna go up and talk to the barkeep? Talk to that tavern feller?

Goodrich: Okay, so I look back at Randy, and I say-

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Hey, I’ve got an even better idea.

Goodrich: I want to cast Minor Illusion. So to do so, I take my axe off my back, take Usumthin-

Kyle: Okay?

Goodrich: I bring it down, and I do-

[Guitar plays]

Goodrich: So, uh-

Kyle: Are you making an illusion of somebody under eighteen?

Goodrich: No- [laughs] Yeah. So, what I'm gonna do, is I'm gonna create an image of an object that's no larger than a five foot cube. So, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna draw a straight up five foot cube- You know how in Pulp Fiction when she draws that square, and she's like, 'Don't be a-' and she draws the square? I'm gonna draw that square above his head, and I'm gonna draw little arrows, marquee-style with blinking lights that point down to him.

Kyle: Okay, okay, okay.

Goodrich: And so then I'm trying to get everyone to laugh and like-

Kyle: Alright alright alright. Um, let’s see. [Rolling dice] That's the bartender, that is the family, that is the pair, that's the single, and- Okay. So the bartender, the family, and his  partners notice this thing, and they look at it and they're just kind of like, they get it. They're starting to chuckle and everything. They're laughing. He's like looking around, like

Kyle (as Garreth): Why is everybody starting to laugh? What's so funny here?

Kyle: And he notices that people are looking up, and he looks up. And he's just like, "What the-" and he starts to wave it out, and then he realizes that it's an illusion.

Goodrich: Then I call out to him, and I say-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul):  Hey, buddy, you got something on your shirt?

Goodrich: And then I turn that energy ball into a finger, and I point to his chest with it.

Kyle: Uh huh.

Goodrich: Does he look down? To see if there's something on his shirt?

Kyle: No. He looks pretty miffed.

Goodrich: Can you just have him look down?

Kyle: I roll for it, and he's not interested.

Goodrich: Aaaahah. I say-

Goodrich (as Raz’ul): No, for real! It's really bad on your shirt.

Kyle: Roll me a deception.

Goodrich: Okay. [rolls dice] Six.

Kyle: Uh oh.

Goodrich: Well, actually, ten, cause I'm proficient-

Kyle: -and I rolled a ten.

Goodrich: You’ve got to let me have this Kyle.

Kyle: It's not me! It's the dice. It's the dice doing it, I promise.

Ali: I pick up a glass, and toss it Garreth's feet.

Kyle: Toss it, okay. Roll me a ranged attack.

Ali: Oh, I'm not attacking him. I’m hitting him- I’m hitting it before- I throw it, and just-

Kyle: I gotta see how it rolls ya through. I gotta see how it rolls ya through.

Goodrich: Just roll for him.

Ali: Just a twenty?

Goodrich: Walk into a bar.

Kyle: Yeah, just a twenty-sided dice. Add your dexterity, cause it's an-

Ali: Eighteen.

Kyle: Okay. So, you try to roll a glass after he's waved this thing away, and you throw the glass, and you're trying to hit his feet.

Ali: I'm trying to hit right in front of his feet.

Kyle: Yeah, you accidentally hit his ankles. You just did really well. Well, actually, no, if you did really well- You're right, you're right. I'm sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. We’ll-

Ali: I'm not trying to hurt him. I'm trying to make him look at his feet.

Kyle: You get it right in front of his feet, and you do it so well that glass breaks and lands on his shoes.

Spurrier: Ohh.

Kyle: Sweet new Keds.

Goodrich: [laughing] Wears Keds.

Kyle: Yeah. He does, but yeah. He finally looks down, and-

Goodrich: Aw, yes! And Raz'ul's so happy that I flick that finger up into his face. It poofs into his eyes-

Kyle: It kind of flips back, and he's like, "What the- What the hell's going on?"

Goodrich: Kyle, does everyone laugh?

Kyle: Yeah, everybody's getting a good little chuckle out of this.

Goodrich: Thank god.

Kyle: Yeah, everybody's getting a good little chuckle out of it, and-

Goodrich: Awesome. It's all I wanted.

Kyle: So, Randy, what are you doing during this entire scene? What's your action here?

Spurrier: So what's the barkeep-tender doing at this point?

Kyle: He's having a jovial laugh at the expense of Garreth.

Spurrier: At the expense of Garreth. Well, okay. For the moment, i'm just gonna hang out until this dies down. We'll see what comes of it next.

Kyle: Alright. Garreth has started to look really flustered and frustrated, and he's just like-

Kyle (as Garreth): That’s, that's it. Let's get out of here. Come on Ilda. Come on, uh, what's your name again?

Kyle: And the half-elf kind of looks at him, and she looks super pissed, and she's really quietly, "It's Tabitha." So, he starts walking out, and he tries to pass Yashee, and tries to elbow her or shoulder her as he walks by but winds up only hitting your bicep, or like your elbow pit? So he does that, and give me a strength save, Ali.

Ali: Nine.

Kyle: Nine? Okay. Well, you definitely, just barely- You give a little bit as he brushes up against you, but he kind of elbows you, or shoulders you, and winds up bouncing back more so than he does moving you. And he goes, "Ow. What the- A rock." And keeps walking out, and you see Tabitha do the same shirt thing where she pulls it up over her nose and laughs.

Ali: Now I kind of just go- [short laugh]

Kyle: Tabitha walks behind. She sees you laughing. She puts up her hand for a high five.

Goodrich: Alright.

Spurrier: Has-

Goodrich: Wait wait wait. What's Ali gonna do?

Spurrier: Oh right. Sorry.

Ali: Oh man. Like, I wanna high five her, but I don't know her.

Spurrier: Do it. We need someone on the inside.

Ali: I'll go for it. I’ll give her a little nod and a little side-

Kyle: A little side style? Okay, she comes down. She meets you.

Ali: I don't want to make it too like yeah! I want to be like, I got you girl.

Goodrich: That’s good. That’s a good call.

Kyle: Randy, at what point did you want to do your action?

Spurrier: Has Garreth gone out the door yet?

Kyle: He is headed towards the door. He has just passed Yashee who moved over to a table. He's a little farther out. I'm gonna say it's you and Raz'ul are still close to the entrance, and Yashee moved up into more of like the dining area where there was a glass available to grab.

Spurrier: Alright.

Kyle: Well, and Garreth is probably walking towards you.

Spurrier: Cool, so I have my Mage Hand, that I'm gonna do. Since i have a little wizard living inside of me, I should probably just say, [distorted voice filter] Mage Hand! Except I just say it, to myself.

Kyle: You just whisper it into your head. You like cough it.

Spurrier: I'm going to basically make it act like a foot, and trip him.

Kyle: So it’s like Mage Foot.

Goodrich: Mage Foot. Maybe boot him out the door.

Spurrier: Ooh, even better.

Goodrich: Yeaah.

Spurrier: Alright.

Kyle: So are you gonna trip him, or are you gonna boot him out the door?

Spurrier: I'm gonna boot him. That's a little more fun.

Kyle: Okay, so what does this Mage Foot look like? I mean, any inspiration for this thing?

Spurrier: Ohh, yeah, I need something, something. It's like, uh-

Goodrich: Like the Monty Python foot?

Spurrier: Ooh, Monty Python foot's good. Let's say it's the Monty Python foot mixed with like, it's got like cleats on it. Give him an extra little nudge out the door.

Goodrich: I was gonna say maybe it had painted toenails or something, but.

Spurrier: It could have that too, yeah.

Goodrich: I, uh- Okay. Not to step on your toes-

Spurrier: Ah!

Goodrich: I was thinking maybe like it's the Monty Python foot, but like the toes painted, and on the toes is painted R A N D Y.

Spurrier: Okay, that's good.

Kyle: Yeah, that works well, yeah.

Spurrier: I boot him.

Kyle: Alright, so yeah, you can move about- Go ahead and give me a d20 attack roll, and add your spell modifier.

Spurrier: And well- So I was gonna say, because I'm a rogue, I have a special version of Mage Hand that I can do stealth versions, so I wanted to be kind of sneaky and not noticed-

Kyle: Oh, awesome.

Spurrier: So it would be my sleight of hand versus perception.

Kyle: Excellent, yeah, do it.

Spurrier: Okay.

Kyle: Let's roll on sleight of and.

Spurrier: Randy! That is a fourteen.

Kyle: Okay. I rolled a thirteen.

Spurrier: Yes!

Kyle: So, he has not noticed it. He gets booted, and it pretty much happens as he's walking in between you two. So he gets booted, and he's fallen to his knees in front of the door. He just gets up, and he turns around, and he's like-

Kyle (as Garreth): I don't know who's doing this, but you're gonna rue the day that you messed with Garreth North. My father, my father's brother, my entire family will come after you, and I swear to god if this keeps happening after I walk out this door, I'll know it's you.


Goodrich: That's good. That's good.

Spurrier: I take my little portable organ and- [organ music plays]

Kyle: You play that and he shoots you a dirty look. He's just like, uhh, then turns and goes out the door.

Spurrier: Then Randy rolls a natural twenty on a shit-eating grin.


Kyle: Nice, heck yeah. So they have gone out the door. That trio has left out, and the- everybody's kind of like, the laughter's dying down and everything. Y'all have made a good scene of him. A good example. And Bradward is- The bartender, sorry, you don't know his name yet, is kind of laughing, and he sees y'all, and he's like

Kyle (as the bartender): Haha, man, well, sorry about the trouble with that guy! There are just a few newbies from Strumlott's trying to get their first gig. Typical first year kind of mission stuff-

Goodrich: A bunch of noobs.

Kyle: But uh-

Goodrich: Hate those first years.

Kyle: But now that I get a look at y'all, might y'all be doing the same?

Goodrich: I just look down at my feet and say, “Yeah."

Kyle (as the bartender): Oh.

Ali (as Yashee): Maybe not for the same reasons though, you know. We’re definitely first years, but-

Kyle (as the bartender): Oh, for the right reasons, then?

Ali (as Yashee): We're here only for the right reasons.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): We're all about the music.

Kyle (as the bartender): That's good. I imagine none of y'all are married, then.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Is that a joke? Are you trying to be funny?

Kyle (as the bartender): Nope. Just a question, I mean, I don't see any rings. But yeah-

Goodrich: [laughing] That's okay. No, I'm just mad at the- No, we're not married.

Kyle (as the bartender): Excellent.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): You're good.

Kyle (as the bartender): Well, not excellent, but you do your life.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): I mean, what's that mean, are you doing something after this or what's going on?

Kyle (as the bartender): What brings to Durden's Punchbowl? I'm Bradward. I'll be your bartender. What can I get for you?

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Uh, you got any guitar strings?

Kyle (as Bradward): Noo, I don't have guitar strings. I deal in like, food, lodgings-

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Oh, right, you deal more in the edible-

Kyle (as Bradward): -stuff like that.

Kyle: Y'all go ahead and roll me your perception check.

Goodrich: Oh it's a natural twent again, Kyle.

Kyle: Mmkay. Did anybody else get above a twenty? Okay, so you're asking and you're looking around, and as you say guitar strings, the half-elf in the corner, that's checking off stuff on a list, perks up and looks at you and takes a second, and goes back to writing, but Bradward says-

Kyle (as Bradward): No, uh, I don't sell any guitar strings here. Of course, you'd probably find some in Sundance. You know they have just your regular instrument shop that comes with you standard strings and everything. Is your stuff going out of tune?

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Well, I mean, our teacher, Symbol-

Kyle (as Bradward): Ooh.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): He thought I was, you know, kind of scrubbing it up a little bit on the guitar, and said "Listen here now, get some strings. Some new strings." And I, listen, I don't know what kind of strings he's talking about, but I- My first little test from my teacher. Kind of want to start off on the right foot.

Kyle (as Bradward): Understandable, understandable.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): So, I'm looking for these strings which he said may be here, so here we are.

Kyle (as Bradward): Well, uh, I- I mean, if you're- If you're looking for standard strings, they're the ones in Sundance that I was just talking about, but it sounds like your teacher's not asking for just like a standard string, otherwise they have strings at Strumlott’s, but-

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Oh, they did? Geez-

Ali (as Yashee): He did send us here. Why would he have sent us here?

Kyle (as Bradward): Maybe he was inferring that they were strings made of some kind of magical metal or interwoven with some kind of magical element.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Yeah, you know, now that I'm thinking about it, I think he mentioned that, so, yeah, what's the story? Do you know about, uh- I mean, there's a, you know, there's a half-elf sitting over there. He looked like he might know something. He kind of gave me that-

Kyle (as Bradward): I can go ahead and tell you-

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): That sideways look.

Kyle (as Bradward): Y'all gave me a good laugh earlier, and that kid was kind of a snot, so, I guess I could go ahead and let you know the dwarves of North in the Oodalolly range recently discovered a new type of metal called Harmonium, but the uh-

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): I tell ya. Those dwarves up there, they're doing a great job.

Kyle (as Bradward): I believe it. You should know I imagine.

Goodrich: Wait, does he know who I am?

Kyle: Uh, no, he doesn't know who you are.

Goodrich: What, just 'cause I'm a dwarf?

Kyle: It's because you're a dwarf. He's making a brash assumption.

Goodrich: That's kind of insensitive.

Kyle: It is insensitive, you're right. So treat it as you will, but he says-

Kyle (as Bradward): I imagine you would know, unless you've been traveling away for a while.

Goodrich: Would I have known about the Harmonium?

Kyle: You don't know about it. This is the first you're hearing about it.

Goodrich: Alright.

Kyle: So yeah, he mentions-

Kyle (as Bradward): I've heard traders talk about it. Unfortunately, they're saying that if anybody wants to use it, they would have to go straight to the source for it. They weren't able to buy any as the dwarves haven't fully assessed the value of the metal, whatever that means. You know their customs, so. Y'all could do that.

Goodrich: [laughing] Again, what? I'm sorry. Okay, it's fine.

Kyle (as Bradward): You know, you could do that. Does that.. sound like an option?

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): So you're saying that we'd have to go to Mount Ain to the Oodalolly clan to get these strings. There's nowhere else.

Kyle (as Bradward): Yes. Well, if that's not an option-

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): It's just a long ways away. We'd- You know, I'd imagine there's some sort of quiz happening at school. There's probably lessons we need to learn. We can't just take off.

Kyle (as Bradward): Well, if that's not an option, there is another place in Sundance that works in magical items called Mage Against the Machine.


Kyle (as Bradward): Perhaps he could imbue some wire for you, but I've heard that that gets rather expensive.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Uh, yeah. We could check it out. I mean, uh-

Goodrich: I look over at Randy and Yashee, and I'm like-

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Yeah, I want to chat with this other dude over there that kind of gave me a knowing look earlier.

Ali (as Yashee): Yeah, he might. He might have what we need.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): And Bradward?

Kyle (as Bradward): Yes?

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Just as a parting miscellaneous task we were assigned by our teacher, Symbol wants it to be known that he will be here on known as Splash, so if you can pass that on to your patrons, if he ever brings him up, that would be most appreciated.

[Spurrier laughing]

Kyle (as Bradward): Interesting.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): He was very adamant about that, and that we spread that as part of our journey, on our first quest.

Spurrier: [laughing] Excellent.

Kyle (as Bradward): Interesting. I don't know why, I mean, you know, he's a very interesting entertainer, but I guess-

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): It's part of his new lifestyle. It's his teaching name.

Spurrier (as Randy): He's workshopping it.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): He's. Yeah.

Kyle (as Bradward): Okay.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): We're kind of spreading the word-

Ali (as Yashee): Trying to reach a new audience.

Kyle (as Bradward): I can keep up with his tunes, you know, he changes from one name- to Symbol, then-

Ali (as Yashee): Stay current.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): The artist formerly known as Symbol.

Kyle (as Bradward): Yeah, exactly.

Spurrier (as Randy): [laughing] He's going by Splash now.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Yeah, it's easier than saying the longer one.

Kyle (as Bradward): I guess that's true.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Maybe it's a departure in his music as well.

Kyle: Alright, I'm gonna shut this down now.

Goodrich: Yeah.


Kyle: As y'all are kind of joking about this whole thing, the half-elf that's over in the corner actually comes over, and he puts his hand on Raz'ul's shoulder, and says-

Kyle (as half-elf): I really am sorry to interrupt, but I do believe I could help you out, or- Perhaps we could help each other out?

Ali (as Yashee): Ooh.

Spurrier (as Randy): Mmm

Goodrich: I say- [laughing] I kind of inch away first, a little bit, like whoah buddy-

Kyle: He pulls away like sorry sorry.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): It's fine. Listen, uh, you know, I'm a real approachable dwarf. Are you talking about some harmonium strings?

Kyle (as half-elf): Ah, no, not quite. I haven't been up in that area in a long time, and while I've heard the tales and certainly just heard y'all talking about it, I work with- Let's just say I do something different. Uhh, if you haven't heard of phase spiders, then I've got a-


Kyle (as half-elf): I think I've got a treat for you. I just need to get some help getting my cart back to my place in Silk Grove.

Ali (as Yashee): How far is that?

Kyle (as half-elf): That's the forest just North of here. It's about a half-day travel. We could leave out in the morning.

Ali (as Yashee): Ugh, half day travel?

Kyle (as half-elf): Or tonight, if time's pressing. You know.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Did we get like an exam schedule or something while we were at school guys? I mean, I- we kind of just-

Ali (as Yashee): No.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): -hopped out of there.

Spurrier (as Randy): I believe we just got the sack.


Kyle: Yep. You got that fat sack full of Ira Glass.

Ali (as Yashee): We could contact Symbol and see if there's anything pressing we're missing-

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Okay. See if we've got to do anything, right? Randy, I feel like you should talk to Symbol. [laughing]

Spurrier: I get out my Ira Glass, put it up, and sadly say-

Spurrier (as Randy): Hey, Symbol.

Kyle (as Symbol): Yes?

Spurrier (as Randy): Is this the only thing we have to do? Do we have another assignment?

Kyle (as Symbol): Nothing else can be done until this is done.

Spurrier (as Randy): So, we're cool to go off and do whatever.

Kyle (as Symbol): I mean, you're not gonna lollygag are you? Just-

Spurrier (as Randy): You can't really lollygag in the Oodalolly. Golly all the day. See you later, Symbol, thanks.

Kyle (as Symbol): Bye.

Spurrier (as Randy): Byeee.

Spurrier (as Randy) Alright, guys, I think we're good.

Ali (as Yashee): Awesome.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Yeah, let’s do it! Let's go tonight, though, because, you know, I'm feeling frisky.

Spurrier (as Randy): There's also- We're at a punchbowl. We might try the punch.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): You know what? Yeah. Let's get some punch.

Ali (as Yashee): Alright. Three, three here.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Brandel-

Kyle: Bradward.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Bradward!

Kyle: Bradward says-

Kyle (as Bradward): Oh, will y'all be staying for a drink, or?

Ali (as Yashee): Drinks?

Kyle (as Bradward): Perhaps the famous punchbowl?

Ali (as Yashee): Three please. Three big ones.

Goodrich: Or do they just give us like a punch bowl and we get cups, and then we kinda-

Ali (as Yashee): Or just sharing straws.

Kyle: Oh, dude, no, it's like a big giant punch bowl with-

Ali (as Yashee): Three straws.

Kyle: Three like wacky silly straws coming out of it.

Ali (as Yashee): That'd be great, yeah. Let's do that.

Goodrich: That seems like a good idea for an actual restaurant, like a place that serves up a big punchbowl-

Kyle: There's places that do that.

Goodrich: Really?

Kyle: Oh wait, you scoop it out yourself?

Goodrich: So, okay, this is just a small aside, but if anyone ever, in the future, is listening-

Ali: A future restaurant idea.

Goodrich: And you decide-

Kyle: Ah, yes.

Goodrich: There's a table, and they bring out a punch bowl, and you dish out punch yourself to the people at the table, right?

Kyle: Yea.

Goodrich: We can come up with a clever name later, but the punch bowl, geez, it's already there.

Kyle: Bradward serves up this punch bowl with the three crazy straws in it, and like a few little umbrellas and stuff. Super islandy. It's nice.

Spurrier: Little plastic swords?

Kyle: Yeah, absolutely. It's got some maraschino cherries in it.

Goodrich: Nice.

Kyle (as Bradward): Y'all drink up, and if you have enough, perhaps you can enjoy the real punch of the bowl later.

Spurrier: Ahh! Oh Brad.

Kyle (as Bradward): Got a little action downstairs, if y'all are looking to scrap.

Kyle: And he looks over at Yashee and winks.

Ali (as Yashee): I do like a good scrap.

Spurrier: Wait, if it's a fight club we're not supposed to talk about it.

Kyle: And he puts his finger to his lips.

Goodrich: Right, yeah, he wink’s as good as a nod to a blind bat kind of thing. Gotcha.

Kyle: Yeah.

Spurrier: So if we're punching it up, do we need to do a constitution thing, or?

Kyle: Well, it's completely up to y'all. If y'all actually want to sit around and do the punch thing, then we can actually do some combat stuff. I can do a 3v3 kind of thing, or- Because i think a 1v1 would just be like long, boring. But yeah, put like three of y'all against three other people that are- show up later.

Ali: We could make some money.

Kyle: Yeah, you could make money.

Ali: It sounds like we're going to need it for these strings. How much money you got? What are you packing over there?

Kyle (as Bradward): Well, if you're looking to save some money, perhaps a little bit of entertainment could pay for your food and lodging for the night.

Ali (as Yashee): I've got my mallets.

Spurrier (as Randy): I've got my organ.

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): And I've got my axe.

Ali (as Yashee): Let's do it.

[Electronic music play]

Kyle: Alright, so go ahead and grab your chord dice you're going to roll, and what these dice are- We actually have- They are diatonic in the key of C, so you've got like C Major,  D minor, E minor, F major, G, A minor and B diminished, and then there's an eighth side of course, it doesn't just repeat C. That's going to be a wild one for us. Oh, wait, we doing wild, or-

Ali: It's just a re-roll for now.

Kyle: A re-roll for now.

Goodrich: Once we get better as bards, we were talking about-

Kyle: You'll be able to decide what the chord is, like once you play more music, you'll know what chords work better in certain areas.

Goodrich: Exactly.

Kyle: So, yeah. Each of y'all grab your dice. Oh, wait. Am I gonna grab one too?

Spurrier: I was gonna say. I think that you're rolling one as well.

Kyle: Ooh, I want to roll one. I get to roll a dice too, hooray.

Goodrich: Awesome.

Kyle: So we're gonna roll this dice, and then we're gonna take a quick break, and they're gonna write up a song to play to this tavern.

[sound of dice rolling]

Goodrich: We have F, E minor, B diminished, and D minor.

Ali: Excellent.

Kyle: Come on, let's see what happens here.

Goodrich: Did we say that C is a given?

Kyle: Yeah, we'll go ahead and say C is the beginning.

Ali: C is always the fifth dice.

Kyle: And unfortunately, we're kind of bound by that just because the dice is, again, in the key of C, but as we get smarter as bards-

Spurrier: That may change later.

Ali: Or we can transpose at some point.

Kyle: Maybe we'll throw a twelve sided dice into the mix to change the key, and we can just use Roman numerals.

[Players agree]

[Music transition]

Kyle: Hey, everyone, it's your dungeon master, Kyle, here, just wanted to thank y'all for tuning into our first episode of bomBARDed. We're really excited about this project, and we hope you're enjoying it so far. Right now our trio is off writing the song that you're about to hear, so hopefully they come up with something good, and they're able to impress the patrons of the bar that they're at.

Since we're doing a new podcast, we just wanted to ask y'all- You know, get on Twitter and Instagram. Let us know what you're thinking. You can reach us through the hashtag #bardcast, or if you want to direct message us, you can use @bombardedcast, so just to plug those in, and don't forget that you can go on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts. Rate, review, subscribe. You know, do the whole gambit. You know the whole schtick. If you listen to podcasts, this is nothing new to you.

We also, we have some other material, as we've said before. Lindby is a band that plays around Dallas/Fort Worth Texas, so if you're looking for some new music, feel free to head over to our website, that's lindbymusic.com. Again, that's Lindby spelled L I N D B Y, for those of you who need it. Just go over there, you can go to lindbymusic.com, or again, check out lindby.bandcamp.com, if you're looking for us on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, just type in Lindbymusic, that way you can keep up with us, see what we're getting up to, or if you just want to say hi, drop a line, and start a conversation, we're on board with that too. We like hearing from you listeners and fans out there, so again, thank y'all for listening. We really appreciate y'all taking the time.  Hopefully, you’ll join us for the second episode, which we’ll be releasing the second episode in about two weeks here. We're gonna try to go on an every other week schedule. So, thank y'all again, and we look forward to seeing your- Oh well, I guess, no I won't see y'all. Y'all will hear us. Man, that's a weird thing. Well, we just hope y'all join us next time. Bye!

[Music transition]

Goodrich: Okay, so you gonna set the stage there Kyle?

Kyle: I'm not your roadie.

Goodrich: Not too-

Kyle: I'm not gonna do that, but I will do it visually if that's what you’re inclined-

Goodrich: Yes, pun intended.

Kyle: Yeah, so like the stage is pretty much there. He's like,

Kyle (as Bradward): If y'all want to play a little tune for us, you know entertain the group that I have here, we can work something out. So by all means, have at it. Just take your instruments up there, and show me what you've got. There may be future work for ya.

Goodrich: Alright. So, I guess we get up there, and-

Ali: Guys, what's our names? What's our group name?

Goodrich: Don't worry about it. They don't care. They just want to hear music.

Ali: Alright.

Goodrich: Also, we don't have one yet.


Spurrier: Class As. No? Alright.

Goodrich: The Boyscout Uniform.

Spurrier: Yeah.

Goodrich: So we're up there on stage. The light's shining down on us as everyone's kind of quieting down, as-

Kyle: You can hear the ribble rabble of drinking and eating coming from the few patrons that are there, but they kind of, you know, they start to look up. They notice that y'all are getting on stage, and watching y'all and waiting to see what happens.

Goodrich: About how many people are in there, Kyle?

Kyle: There are still, what did I say, there's like a family of four, two people sitting having a meal. There's about like seven or eight people.

[Players make enthusiastic noises]

Spurrier: Sweet. Sweet.

Kyle: It's a small town, you know. Nothing big.

Spurrier: It's like a cellar show.

Goodrich: [laughs] Yeah, it's like playing The Cellar.

Kyle: Rest in peace.

Goodrich: One of these people might be like a label executive though? So you know, you've gotta give it your all all the time.

Kyle: Yeah.

Spurrier: That's a good point.

Kyle: For those outside of our cultural circle, that was a venue we used to play, so if you're outside the DFW area.

Goodrich: Anyhoo, so I look at you guys, and I say-

Goodrich (as Raz'ul): Listen, I think I got something for this. A little something I was working up on the road. Just follow my lead, okay?

Ali (as Yashee): Alright.

[Guitar music begins playing. A drum soon joins.]

All three: [singing] Lend your ears and hear a tale about some bards while quaffing ale, a fearsome three, who musically collect the bits of history.

Ali: [singing] Yashee she's a barbarian as tall as she can be. She'll fight all night, but she's all right. A scrapper yes indeed.

Goodrich: [singing] Raz'ul son of Daz'ul, he's a druid and a dwarf. An Oodalolly hailing from the mountains of the North.

Spurrier: [singing] And there's Randyyy.

Ali and Goodrich: [singing] Randy!

Spurrier: [singing]: Randyyy.

Ali and Goodrich: [singing] Randy!

Spurrier: [singing] Yes, I'm Randyyy.

Ali and Goodrich: [singing] Randyyy.

Spurrier: [singing] Yes, I'm Randyy.

Ali and Goodrich: [singing] Randall!

Spurrier (as Randy): Uh, it’s Randy.

All three: [singing] Is his name.

[Music fades]

Kyle: Yeah, y'all finish up the song. You hear you know, the audience [clapping in the background] in here.

Goodrich: The seven people like woo!

Kyle: They're clapping, and they're like, yeah, yeah. The little girls that are sitting with their family definitely seem enthralled, and they're looking at-

Spurrier: Also a drunk.

Kyle: Yeah, they're a little drunk, and they're looking at Yashee, and you see them like taking their cutlery, and like, pounding beats and everything like that.

Ali: I'm twirling my mallets in the back like, what up.

Spurrier: Yes.

Kyle: You can see Bradward in the back behind he's washing the dishes and he gives you a sweet thumbs up. You know, from the back, and kind of like, grins. And you see him go into the back and come out with a couple plates, and he starts cooking up some food, and he gestures y'all to come on over and have a seat, and enjoy some food after that little tune. We'll go ahead and say, we're gonna call it here. We'll find out next time whether y'all are planning on spending the night and getting into some brawling, or if we're gonna go ahead and see what the half-elf has in store for y'all. So, join us next time on bomBARDed to find out the result of that.